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00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Hello! Thank you, I'm Greg Davies.
00:37Welcome to this brand-new series of Taskmaster!
00:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:44I have never felt so full of hope.
00:48The tasks are new, the contestants are new,
00:51and whilst I was enjoying my single-origin espresso this morning,
00:54they were being shaved down and put through our 12-point hygiene programme,
00:58ready for battle, so they all smell just great...
01:01for now.
01:02So let's meet the new recruits, ready to risk it all
01:06to take home Daddy's golden head.
01:09LAUGHTER
01:10Daddy's golden head of destiny,
01:13is a sentence I forgot I wrote.
01:15LAUGHTER
01:16Please welcome...
01:18Fathya Al Gorey!
01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21Jason Mandzuka!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24Matthew Baker!
01:26Rosie Ramsey!
01:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:30And Stevie Martin!
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:33And next to me, a man who is a life-long supporter
01:36of Liverpool Football Club
01:38and tells me that the only downside to that
01:40is meeting the other fans,
01:42who he finds to be universally stupid
01:45and physically disgusting.
01:47LAUGHTER
01:49Thank you, Alex Hall!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:52Nice to be here.
01:54OK.
01:55Hello, everyone.
01:57I've designed for episode one a brand-new magic trick,
02:00and I know you love magic, Greg.
02:01I love magic.
02:02Well, you're going to love this magic trick.
02:03It's called the magic pen.
02:04It looks like an ordinary pen.
02:06Mm-hm.
02:07But I've signed it using the pen.
02:10How?
02:12How?
02:13I'll tell you how.
02:15Magic.
02:16Magic.
02:17Magic.
02:18Magic.
02:19Magic pen.
02:20How's it done?
02:21I know you're thinking,
02:22maybe I've used a second pen.
02:24Well, look, here is another pen.
02:25Also signed.
02:26How?
02:27I'll tell you how.
02:28Magic.
02:29Magic.
02:30Could there be another pen?
02:31Yes, but also signed.
02:32Magic.
02:33Yeah, I know the man well,
02:34and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fourth pen.
02:35Magic.
02:36Yeah.
02:37I know the man well,
02:38and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fourth pen.
02:40Magic.
02:41Yeah, I don't think you'd go to fifth, though.
02:43I did, actually,
02:44and I couldn't work out how to get it on this one.
02:45I just couldn't...
02:46Anyway, that's the magic trick.
02:47An auspicious beginning to a new season.
02:48Series, Jason.
02:49I'm with him.
02:50You're a guest in this country.
02:51You'll learn our ways by hook or crook, young man.
02:54OK, let's have our first prize task category, please.
03:10OK, and we're starting the series with the object
03:13that reminds you of school the most in a good way.
03:16We all know Greg used to be a teacher.
03:18We also know Greg has played teachers on TV,
03:21and, as the taskmaster, he's sort of like a head teacher.
03:24So, yes, Greg's got range.
03:26Five points...
03:27I've not got range!
03:30I'm amazed you're in showbiz!
03:34You should be, at most, an assistant bank manager.
03:40So, five points will be gifted
03:41to the bringer of the item Greg likes best
03:43and the winner of the episode will take home all five prizes
03:46in a great big school satchel.
03:48Peace out, man.
03:49OK, Fatio, welcome to Taskmaster.
03:51What have you brought me?
03:52So, I brought in a golf club.
03:54Here it is.
03:55That reminds her of school the most in a good way.
03:58As a kid, I used to be really naughty,
04:00and my mum had enough, so she came up the school,
04:02and she goes to the teacher,
04:04if Fertiha keeps on playing up, hit her,
04:06and then he got this thing,
04:08and he put it as if he's going to do a golf move, and then...
04:11And he would hit you with a golf club?
04:12No, he would pretend to.
04:14Are you mad?
04:15Am I mad?
04:16Like, he would pretend to,
04:18so he'd, like, try to scare me into being a good girl.
04:21So, the thing that you've brought in
04:23that reminds you of school in a good way
04:25is a golf club that your teacher used to threaten you with.
04:27Yeah, cos I never got hit, so that's a good thing.
04:29Ah!
04:30The glass is half full.
04:33Jason, what thing did you bring in to represent the good times?
04:37Well, this, for me, was something that was ubiquitous in my high school.
04:41It is a map, but it's the kind of map that was mounted on the blackboard
04:45that you pulled down like this.
04:47Oh, sweet.
04:48Right? See, I thought you might like that.
04:50Here it is.
04:51Oh, yeah.
04:52Oh, yeah, nice.
04:53I mean, how satisfying is that?
04:54That's nice.
04:55If I could just imagine myself in the world.
04:58So, your childhood imagination just soared.
05:00Just wishing that I could get out and get here onto this stage.
05:04Wow.
05:05It's both heartwarming and tragic.
05:08Who's next?
05:09Oh, I've got some facts about America, if you want.
05:12No, thanks.
05:13OK.
05:14Matthew.
05:15I have brought the TV trolley.
05:19Oh, yes!
05:21Another blinding move.
05:23Just a sweet nostalgia.
05:25When this bad boy came out,
05:27you knew you were in for 45 minutes of watching
05:30a probably late 70s, early 80s old episode of...
05:35Equinox.
05:37Yeah.
05:38Science documentary.
05:39And you would ignore the educational content
05:41and you would just be sort of laughing at the fashion.
05:44Well, having been a teacher,
05:46I can give you a bit of a glance behind the magician's curtain here.
05:49Because normally you would see the film or the documentary on a Friday,
05:53and the reason for that is the teachers all went to the pub.
05:56And I'm proud to tell you, I did a five-pint lunch.
06:03Every Friday?
06:04And it was Guinness too, so I was heavy.
06:10Thank you. I like your trolley.
06:11I mean, I've got to say, the golf club's looking less and less appealing.
06:17Rosie, welcome.
06:19What have you brought in?
06:20I brought my school dinner.
06:23So that's chicken with gravy.
06:25Is it?
06:26TV should not stand up.
06:29It's all the way to the left, next to the brown turd.
06:33Oh, that's stuffing.
06:34The dessert is on the same thing as the main.
06:36Yeah.
06:37So you could go in your...
06:38That's all right.
06:39It all goes in the same stomach.
06:42This is good.
06:43Stevie, school, good times?
06:45No.
06:46But I found, like, a sort of cultural cachet in my school,
06:50which involves the prize task.
06:52Right, cultural cachet.
06:53Yes.
06:54Is it hold it down to get the E acute?
06:59Stay with me.
07:03It is.
07:04So, scented gel pens.
07:11Oh.
07:12So what people would do is draw their name for the person they were going out with,
07:16and then everyone would just walk around smelling the back of their hand all day.
07:19Yeah.
07:20But the cultural cachet was that my name begins with S,
07:23so I could do the Superman S thing, which was...
07:25Do you know the Superman S thing?
07:27Yes, of course.
07:28OK.
07:29You said that you were in your 70s or something.
07:31I don't know.
07:32They had Superman, didn't they?
07:33Yeah, they did.
07:37I'm not Victorian.
07:38Sorry.
07:39Sorry, yes, yes.
07:40Five objects there, Greg.
07:42What reminds you of school in the least good way?
07:44Well, obviously, being hit with a golf club.
07:47One point to Fatty.
07:48Well done, we're off the mark.
07:49I mean, I guess I have to judge it on the things that made me go,
07:51ah, the most, so I have to give Stevie two points,
07:53because gel pens are a little bit new for me.
07:55Two to Stevie.
07:56Three to the school dinner.
07:58OK.
07:59Ah, for no other reason than we need to move on.
08:01OK.
08:02And...
08:03I love the VHS trolley,
08:05but it also slightly reminds me of my own teaching days.
08:08I love the romance of the map.
08:09So, five points to Jason, four points to Matthew.
08:11There we go.
08:12Well done, Jason, I'll give you five points.
08:13APPLAUSE
08:17Well, let's get going.
08:18OK.
08:19Well, hands down and heads up as we kick off proceedings in the lab.
08:23Hello, hello, hello.
08:38Fancy seeing you here.
08:42Jason.
08:43Alex.
08:47Hi.
08:48Excellent entrance.
08:56Is this the lab?
08:59Wait, am I in the wrong room?
09:01This is the lab.
09:02It's the lab, innit?
09:05Bit weird.
09:06I'm going to read this.
09:07Not wasting any time.
09:08Right.
09:09Hello.
09:10Stevie?
09:11Yes.
09:12Did you get lost?
09:13I went to the wrong room.
09:15Let's go.
09:19Put your hands on the hands.
09:21Shut your eyes and keep them shut until you hear the whistle.
09:24Time to start now.
09:25Put your hands on the hands.
09:27Yes, please.
09:28Oh, I'm scared.
09:29OK.
09:34Are they shot?
09:35Yeah, they shot.
09:36Marvellous.
09:37Oh, God.
09:38What?
09:40Well, you don't make me look silly, innit?
09:42I wouldn't dream of it.
09:44Wow.
09:49Can I open my eyes now?
09:50Yes, if you've heard the whistle.
09:55Ah!
09:57What?
09:59What is it?
10:01Yeah, that's what I thought.
10:02Two jars of piss.
10:05Put your glasses on again if you want.
10:08Son of a bitch.
10:10OK, you can read the next part of the task now.
10:11Are you taking a mic?
10:12How am I going to do that?
10:17Oh, I hate this.
10:18Pour all the vinegar into the fish tank.
10:22Fastest winds.
10:23For every millimetre spilled.
10:25One second will be added to your time.
10:27Your time starts when you heard the whistle.
10:29OK.
10:30Alex, where's the fish tank?
10:31Let me guess.
10:32It's underneath me?
10:35Is that a fish tank?
10:36Is this a fish tank?
10:39APPLAUSE
10:44Good.
10:45Fatia said,
10:46Oi, you don't make me look stupid, innit?
10:48And all I've written is,
10:49You have come to the wrong show, my friend.
10:51LAUGHTER
10:54She was furious from the moment we said, shut your eyes.
10:56Oh, for goodness.
10:58Yeah.
10:59That's how I am, honestly.
11:00Once I went to the shop and they ran out of the chocolate I wanted,
11:02and I called the police.
11:05You reported him because he hadn't kept up to speed with his chocolate supply.
11:08Yeah.
11:09Wow.
11:11Well, we begin with Fatia and Jason.
11:15And Matt.
11:17And Stevie.
11:19And that's it.
11:20Sorry, Rosie.
11:21Here we go.
11:26Laughing doesn't help.
11:30Oh, I can't...
11:32What happens if it's smashed?
11:39Ooh.
11:40It's going to take some time.
11:42And I haven't thought through what happens when I get to the edge.
11:47Your fingers bend the wrong way.
11:49Which way up are they?
11:51That's amazing.
11:53Don't start!
11:55Don't start, Ralph.
11:56My assumption is I can...
11:57Whoa.
11:58Now what?
12:04Come on, dear.
12:07Why are you laughing, bro?
12:21Right.
12:23Now we're cooking.
12:27Perfect.
12:30See you in a minute.
12:31We're going to follow you.
12:32Of course you're going to follow me.
12:35It's all science-y in here.
12:37This season's theme, science.
12:40Oh, God.
12:46It's probably in the shed.
12:47Fish tank, fish tank, fish tank.
12:49A pint of vinegar in the fish tank.
12:51If I don't find it soon, I'm going to drink it!
12:53Okay.
12:54I'm either going to hate you or I'm going to hate myself.
12:56Okay.
12:57Well, I hope it's you in a way.
12:59This is a tank.
13:01No, it's not a tank.
13:02It's a submarine.
13:04All right.
13:06Have I lost my mind?
13:10Oh, you're taking the piss, bruv.
13:13What's this?
13:14What's it look like?
13:16You fucking assholes.
13:18Wait.
13:19Oh!
13:20Fish tank!
13:31Oh, fuck.
13:32I just spilled some.
13:35This is popping everywhere.
13:39Oh, okay.
13:40Okay, I don't like that.
13:42Son of a bitch.
13:49Oh!
13:50This is good.
13:51Okay.
13:52All the winning is in the fish tank?
13:53Yeah, yeah, it is!
13:54I've told the clock.
13:55Done.
13:56Woo!
13:57That was exciting.
13:58Yeah, for you.
13:59You're not the one that smells like a chip shop now, innit?
14:01Have I gone past it and just not seen it?
14:03I genuinely don't know.
14:04I can't imagine so.
14:05You genuinely don't know.
14:08Bullshit.
14:13He's doing laps now.
14:18I'm going back in here.
14:24Fuck off!
14:26Hey Matthew.
14:27You found a fish tank?
14:28Yeah.
14:29Found a fish tank?
14:30Do you remember I said I'd either hate myself or you?
14:33Yeah.
14:35It's you.
14:44It seems that we have a very angry cohort already this year.
14:47Matthew, run around a garden.
14:49What were you thinking when you were just running around the garden?
14:52Looking for a fish tank.
14:56And then when you did find it, you were very angry.
14:58Yes.
14:59Were you angry at the pun?
15:01Yeah.
15:02Yeah.
15:04I think that's what we all got.
15:05I think we were fairly angry.
15:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:08I mean, it was irritating.
15:09So irritating.
15:10Stevie, I was quite fascinated by you suddenly shouting that if you didn't find the tank soon you were going to drink the liquid.
15:17As fussy as in the early part you'd identified it as piss.
15:20It was quite dehydrating, the process.
15:24And also as well, I just completely ignored the two jar lids.
15:29It messes with your brain, doesn't it?
15:30Yeah.
15:31You learn this is the stuff that he loves.
15:32Yeah.
15:33Yeah.
15:34Yeah.
15:35Yeah.
15:36And I can tell you that, so far, the person who's doing the best in the task is Stevie.
15:42You did 7 minutes 42 and you didn't spill anything.
15:45Matt didn't spill anything either.
15:46It took 12 minutes 3 seconds.
15:48It looked worse than that, but because of the lack of spillage you were fine.
15:51Jason, you were much quicker, but your millilitres, or spiller-litres, you could call them spiller-litres.
15:56Let's not.
15:57Let's not do that.
15:58Tipped you over to 17 minutes 29.
16:00I'm so sorry.
16:01Because I was penalised for spilling.
16:03Penalised and, Fatia, you were...
16:04Yeah, yeah.
16:05Fatia, 10 minutes 12.
16:07But we're not going to find out how Rosie's done until after the break.
16:10Oh.
16:11Ooh, that builds the tension.
16:12It must be really shit.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:18Great time, go!
16:19APPLAUSE
16:29Hey!
16:30Welcome back to Trust Master.
16:32Our first task is underway and the new contestants have been trying to pour all of their vinegar into a fish tank.
16:38A fish tank which turned out to be a tank driven by a fish.
16:41It's clever, it's funny, and it winds Greg up.
16:44Tick, tick, tick.
16:45For every millilitre spilt, one second will be added to their time.
16:49Rosie has watched all of her rivals' attempts,
16:51and now she has to watch herself back knowing what's happened before her.
16:55So, good luck, Rosie.
17:04Mmm.
17:06Well done.
17:07Can I go in here?
17:08OK.
17:09Fish tank.
17:10How's it going, Rosie?
17:11Erm, it's...
17:12No, I haven't found anything yet.
17:13This is a bath.
17:14That's a good...
17:15That's not a fish tank.
17:16I don't think...
17:17I've not seen a fish tank anywhere.
17:18No.
17:19I'm just looking for a fish tank.
17:20Anything could be a fish tank, really, couldn't it?
17:21OK.
17:22Is that a fish tank or a jar?
17:23It's a jar, isn't it?
17:24Do you want me to stop the clock, Rosie?
17:25Yeah, I'll stop the clock.
17:26OK, bye.
17:27OK, bye.
17:28The wife's down a fish.
17:29I'm just looking for a fish tank.
17:30Anything could be a fish tank, really, couldn't it?
17:31OK.
17:32Is that a fish tank or a jar?
17:33It's a jar, isn't it?
17:34Do you want me to stop the clock, Rosie?
17:35Yeah, we'll stop the clock.
17:36OK, bye.
17:37OK, bye.
17:38OK, bye.
17:39Do you want me to tell me the definition of a fish tank?
17:40I do want you to tell me.
17:41Jo, it's not.
17:42But then...
17:44Is that a fish tank or a jar?
17:45It's a jar, isn't it?
17:46LAUGHTER
17:49Do you want me to stop the clock, Rosie?
17:50Yeah, let's stop the clock.
17:51OK, bye!
17:52OK, bye.
17:53The wife's down a fish.
17:54APPLAUSE
17:56I mean, should I disqualify you or not?
17:59NO!
18:01What?!
18:02LAUGHTER
18:03It's not a fish tank.
18:04Do you want me to tell you the definition of a fish tank?
18:06I do want you to tell me.
18:07It's a tank driven by a fish.
18:09LAUGHTER
18:11Or a transparent container of water in which live fish
18:14and other water creatures and plants are kept.
18:16I thought outside the box.
18:18She did think outside the box. I did think outside the box.
18:21Shall I tell you the times and you can decide what to do?
18:23Stevie was the quickest, was 7.42.
18:25Then Fatia, 10 minutes. Matt, 12 minutes.
18:27Rosie was 15 and a half minutes.
18:29OK. Didn't spill a drop.
18:31Jason, because of his spillage, was 17 minutes 29.
18:34If it had been a normal fish tank, then I would be penalising Rosie,
18:37but because it was a stupid play on words,
18:39I'm going to allow her fish tank.
18:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:43Well done.
18:44Yes. OK.
18:46So you're saying that Jason comes last.
18:48One point, two points to Rosie, three to Matt, four to Fatia,
18:51but Stevie gets the full five points.
18:53Very nice.
18:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:57Let's have our first scoreboard, please.
19:00Joint leaders with seven points are Matt and Stevie.
19:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:06What's next, my cylindrical little piglet?
19:10LAUGHTER
19:12Don't mind that.
19:13Backwards and forwards thing cool are doing involves task.
19:16Next, this, Greg.
19:17Well...
19:18Oh, God.
19:19You look very cool.
19:33I know.
19:35You look nice.
19:37I look...
19:38Cool.
19:40Cool guy.
19:44If you could use one word to describe me, what would it be?
19:47Ridiculous.
19:48Oh.
19:50Not what that's happening for.
19:52Do something really cool.
19:54You have a maximum of ten minutes.
19:57Your time starts now.
20:02Is there a bed?
20:03Cool's sort of not caring.
20:06Yeah, I don't care.
20:07Or is it actually cool to be passionate?
20:10Now, super quick question.
20:13Can I get on the roof?
20:14I would say you definitely can't do that.
20:16Really?
20:17I can't go out into traffic.
20:20No.
20:21Can't get on the roof.
20:22Can't go on the road.
20:24You know what?
20:25Comedy thrives on yes and, not no but.
20:28It wasn't even no but.
20:30It was, you definitely can't.
20:31Ugh, that's anti-cool.
20:33Ugh.
20:34Okay.
20:35What cool things can you do?
20:37Let's think of cool things I can't do.
20:40Right.
20:41And then we try to find something that I can do.
20:43What's cool?
20:44What is cool?
20:45Lemonade?
20:46Oh, yeah, lemonade is cool.
20:49What do you do that's cool?
20:51Sometimes spit.
20:52What?
20:53Yuck.
20:54I'm going to go and...
20:56get a guitar.
20:59It's time, Horne.
21:05Yeah?
21:06Happy with that?
21:07Yeah, see you later, mate.
21:08Move.
21:09Oh, actually, we're going to have to hang down.
21:10I'm so sorry.
21:11It's actually rude rather than cool.
21:13I know.
21:14Um, sorry, sorry, sorry.
21:15There is one more...
21:17thing.
21:19Great.
21:21Do your cool thing backwards.
21:23The cool thing backwards played backwards.
21:25That looks most like the forwards cool thing played forwards wins.
21:31Oh.
21:32You have 15 minutes.
21:35Your time starts now.
21:37APPLAUSE
21:43Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm looking forward to
21:46Matthew playing a song backwards.
21:49LAUGHTER
21:50Well, we're going to start with Martin Stevie doing something cool backwards.
21:55It's time, Horne.
21:57It's time, Horne.
21:58Yes, I'm drawing.
21:59LAUGHTER
22:00APPLAUSE
22:05So that was the footage reversed, obviously.
22:06Oh, was it?
22:07Yes.
22:08Oh.
22:09Oh.
22:10Stevie, I'm not one for platitudes.
22:11It might be the single coolest thing I've ever seen.
22:25I enjoyed the addition of the little man popping out of the bin.
22:28LAUGHTER
22:32I've got no notes.
22:33Fine.
22:34It will go downhill, right?
22:35Well, there's Matt playing guitar next.
22:37Here we go.
22:38LAUGHTER
22:41I'm Matthew Bainson, and this is Cool.
22:48Don't let the bad kids get you down.
22:51Turn that big frown upside down, you'd be a fool.
22:56If you thought that not caring was cool.
23:03Yeah, Matthew Bainson.
23:05And this is...
23:07Gül.
23:08LAUGHTER
23:11That, you'd be a fool.
23:13If you thought that not caring was cool.
23:14That, you'd be a fool.
23:18If you thought that not caring was cool.
23:27Yeah.
23:28It's a fool.
23:29Dying.
23:30I'm afraid of the two.
23:32Tapping out of the bin.
23:35I know.
23:36It's a fool.
23:37Well, you'd be a fool.
23:38I'm with a little bit of a fool.
23:39I mean, I thought you were this generation's Morrissey before I...
23:54..before I even saw it reversed.
23:57Quite Eurovision, isn't it? Sort of 70s Eurovision.
24:00It straddles the genres. It does.
24:02I mean, if this is the last thing you achieve in your life,
24:05you've done well.
24:07LAUGHTER
24:09Thank you. Can I get a rewind?
24:11You can, because it's time for Rosie Ramsay.
24:13Can you give me aring, stick beat?
24:15OK.
24:17BUMP TOO GOW Dim
24:26BUMP TOO GAD
24:30BUMP TOO GAD
24:32BUMP TOO GAD
24:35PLEASE
25:06I've got kids.
25:10I felt like we were watching CCTV from a secure unit.
25:17Really bad.
25:22And now, as I always say, partway through Alex and my playful wrestling sessions,
25:27it's time for a break.
25:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:36Hello. Welcome back to the third part of the show,
25:41where our cool new contestants have to be cool
25:44and then do that cool thing backwards.
25:46Oh, yeah, this guy knows his shiz.
25:48Next up, good luck guessing what's happening here, Greg.
25:51It's Fatia's attempt.
25:52So, you're sissi.
25:56Yeah, I'm sissi.
25:59Just yell at the end of the second one.
26:02I'll see you.
26:03Okay.
26:05I'm going to lie.
26:14I'm not going to lie.
26:15What the fuck's going on?
26:35Do you want to see it going forward?
26:37Well, I need to, because at the moment I just feel angry.
26:40LAUGHTER
26:41OK, well, this is a cool thing she did forwards.
26:44Then let's see if you understand it after that.
26:46If we get some sweets and then you eat one,
26:50and I can tell which one it is, by the way, you're chewing.
26:53For real, man, for real.
26:55I'm not even playing with you.
26:56Well, that's quite cool.
26:57I'm so good at that game.
26:59Yeah, let go.
27:05It's in.
27:08Right, start chewing it.
27:11Is it this?
27:16LAUGHTER
27:16Is it this?
27:22Is it this?
27:24It's not going to plan.
27:30LAUGHTER
27:30Yeah!
27:33I only had seven goes, and I got it on the eighth.
27:36Wow. Placed?
27:37Yeah.
27:38If we were holding hands, I would have got it on the first one.
27:40Mm.
27:40APPLAUSE
27:42OK, Fatsy, what's going on here?
27:50Because that's not a known game.
27:52It is.
27:53Me and my friend play it all the time, and I always win.
27:55Oh, play?
27:56Yeah.
27:57Well, present tense.
27:58Only with him, because you have to have a connection.
28:00Do you know why it didn't work?
28:01Because Muppet Features over there had glasses on.
28:04Oh, so...
28:05LAUGHTER
28:05It was Alex's one.
28:06Yeah, it was.
28:07Why didn't you tell me to take the glasses off?
28:09Because I thought...
28:10LAUGHTER
28:11SHARE!
28:12LAUGHTER
28:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18Who buys the sweets?
28:20Any of us.
28:21If he doesn't bring them, do you call the police on him?
28:24LAUGHTER
28:25APPLAUSE
28:27OK, one left to see, Greg.
28:32Yeah.
28:32It's Jason Manduka.
28:34LAUGHTER
28:34LAUGHTER
28:35HE CHUCKLES
28:35LAUGHTER
28:43Locked door.
28:44HE CHUCKLES
28:47Locked door.
28:49Lock pick set.
28:53HE CHUCKLES
28:55MUSIC
28:59You've got 30 seconds.
29:03WHISTLE BLOWS
29:07Whoa!
29:09LAUGHTER
29:11COOL!
29:30LUKE!
29:34WHISTLE BLOWS
29:40Huh?
29:41Pretty cool, right?
29:42It was pretty cool.
29:43Yeah!
29:44I mean, what am I, Magnum PI?
29:46Where's that come from?
29:47My bag.
29:49APPLAUSE
29:55Undeniably impressive.
29:56I've been sidetracked, though, by when you were asked
29:59where you got the lock-picking set.
30:01Yes.
30:02You replied, from my bag.
30:03Correct.
30:04OK.
30:05Who are you?
30:06LAUGHTER
30:07Well, you might have also heard me say, who am I, Magnum PI?
30:10Because that is where I learned those skills.
30:13And I became obsessed with picking locks, so I bought a lock-pick set.
30:16OK.
30:17And you can also buy practice locks that you can practice...
30:19OK, don't use this tone, I'm the fool, here.
30:22LAUGHTER
30:23Listen up, dummy!
30:24LAUGHTER
30:25Yes, and if you're wondering, the lock-pick set
30:27is in my dressing room right now.
30:29Who do you let on this show, bruv?
30:31LAUGHTER
30:32Says, fucking, guess the sweets.
30:34LAUGHTER
30:35Well, who's only going to get one point, then?
30:40Well, Fattier.
30:41Correct.
30:42One?
30:43LAUGHTER
30:45I feel like I've dissed Rosie really badly, but it's probably the least accurate.
30:49Two points for Rosie.
30:50Oh, God, everybody else was pretty good.
30:52God!
30:53Maybe Jason gets three.
30:54I'm going to make a rogue decision and say that because I think that he moved the hearts
30:58of the nation with his beautiful son, I'm going to give Matthew the five points and...
31:02CHEERING
31:03There we go.
31:04Four to three to five, Matthew.
31:05Incredible.
31:06Sharing his tools.
31:07APPLAUSE
31:08I'd like another task, please, little Alex Hand.
31:11OK, yes, and roll up, roll up.
31:14No, I don't mean reefers, Greg, I mean it's time...
31:17LAUGHTER
31:18..for the greatest sporting event of all time.
31:40Well...
31:41What have you been?
31:42Just been for a little hike around the forest, clearly.
31:45Shall we do it?
31:48By we, I mean me, and you just...
31:52..stand around.
31:54Win the Peel-ympics.
31:57Win the Peel-ympics.
32:00Peel-ympics.
32:02Well, P-E-A-L-Y.
32:05Peel-y.
32:06M-P-I-C-S.
32:08Peel-ympics.
32:09Peel-ympics.
32:10Peel-ympics.
32:11There are five events.
32:12The top two performers in each event get a medal.
32:16Most medals wins.
32:18Mm-hm.
32:19So it doesn't matter if you come first or second,
32:21as long as you come first or second.
32:22All right.
32:23Yeah?
32:24Yeah.
32:25Ready for the Peel-ympics?
32:26I...
32:27Do I have a choice?
32:28LAUGHTER
32:29Yeah, exactly.
32:30APPLAUSE
32:31OK.
32:36Straight in.
32:37Straight in.
32:38Well, first up, it is Fatia and Mattia.
32:42Five events.
32:43This is event number one.
32:45Work out which pillow the P is under.
32:49In the fewest guesses, you have three minutes.
32:52Well, it could be any of them, couldn't it?
32:54Could be.
32:55I think it's that yellow one.
32:56Right.
32:57Chop, chop.
32:58And under there.
32:59The green one next to it, please.
33:00Right.
33:01No.
33:02The order of colours changes around here.
33:04Oh, that's interesting.
33:05It's that arbitrary.
33:07Either is or isn't.
33:11How many are there?
33:1226.
33:13Nice number.
33:14Whatever.
33:15I don't think that makes a difference.
33:1720 seconds to find the P.
33:21That green one over there?
33:22Er, no.
33:23Two seconds.
33:24No sign of the P.
33:28Well, that was a waste of time.
33:29Yep.
33:30I agree.
33:31Ready for the second event?
33:32Wow.
33:33I don't mind going back to your spot.
33:34If you don't mind, I'd like to just dwell on the regret.
33:37Yeah.
33:38No, that's fine.
33:39Balance your P on the highest tower of carrots.
33:42You have three minutes.
33:43I don't have the P.
33:44I'll get you the P.
33:45Here we go.
33:46Oh, you're out of order.
33:47I'm taking a reminder here.
33:49I think it counts, doesn't it?
33:5312 seconds left.
33:59Not long now.
34:00Two seconds, really.
34:02Fuck off!
34:03No!
34:06Event number two is over.
34:10It's a lovely tower.
34:12No P.
34:13Right, event number three.
34:14OK.
34:15Catch a P fired from the P catapult.
34:19If you catch a P in one hand, your time is divided by two.
34:23If you catch a P in your mouth, your time is divided by five.
34:27Good luck, Matthew.
34:29Here they come.
34:32Literally can't see it.
34:34Couldn't see it?
34:35Quick.
34:36I can't even see it.
34:39I can't see it.
34:43Can you do more than one?
34:44Yeah.
34:45Do it again?
34:48Do it again?
35:04Why couldn't you get, like, the big Bs?
35:06The haricot, or whatever they're called.
35:07Why you get these?
35:08Who's catching these?
35:09I'm not a bird.
35:11Oh, if it gets in my hijab, does that count?
35:13Yeah, that counts.
35:14I've got loads.
35:15Huh.
35:16Congratulations.
35:18OK, this is the last one.
35:19Please.
35:25Is there a P in your hand?
35:29No.
35:30That's the end of event number three.
35:32Throw a P the furthest.
35:35Towards the river, please.
35:37So into the wind?
35:38Yeah.
35:41Throw a P that way.
35:42Yeah, it must be in that direction, yeah.
35:44I know you're deranged, right?
35:46So I know I'm going to throw this,
35:47and then you're going to make me go and get it.
35:52That's not good enough.
35:54A few practices.
35:55Are you going to actually throw the...
35:58Yeah, I'm going to throw the real one now.
36:0010 seconds.
36:06Stay up.
36:11Find your thrown P the fastest.
36:13No, the maximum of three minutes.
36:15Time's sloppy when you open the top.
36:17Be careful.
36:18Why did I do practices?
36:20There's my P, can you see it?
36:21That was my one.
36:22You found your P?
36:23Yeah, I did.
36:24Is that it?
36:26Yeah, that's it.
36:27You've got two minutes, 10.
36:32You've only been finding peas, not carrots.
36:38I've got the top!
36:39Yes!
36:47Matthew, we've not even won full episodes into this series,
36:49and I think you might be close to the edge.
36:52That is not even close to my lowest ebb.
36:55I remember that fondly, if anything.
36:59Fabulous.
37:01Fatia, I'm sure you find this show an inconvenience.
37:05How dare you?
37:06How dare...
37:07I call fucking five Ps, bruv, are you mad?
37:10Yes, bruv.
37:11Well...
37:12Um...
37:13So, that's the end of part three.
37:14Who will win the episode and then have to drag home a TV trolley?
37:18Not me!
37:19And that's all that matters.
37:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:30Welcome back to the final part of this first outing with our new competitors.
37:35Before the break, they'd been taking part in our very own P-based Olympics.
37:38Oh, yes.
37:39The old Peely-impics.
37:42Five events and just three legume legends to go.
37:45So, last up to the mark, it's Rosie, Stevie and Chase.
37:50Work out which pillow the P is under.
37:52You may not tamper with a pillow before guessing.
37:55So, it's just guess?
37:56Maybe.
37:57I'm going to guess this one.
37:58No.
37:59No.
38:00No.
38:01No.
38:02Do you know where the P is?
38:03No.
38:04No.
38:05No.
38:06The P's don't talk.
38:07I don't think P's can talk.
38:08I've lost my mind.
38:09No, they're vegetables.
38:10I'm just going to guess this guy and this guy.
38:12I'm going to guess this guy.
38:13There's no way it has to be guessed.
38:15Oh, really?
38:16So, I'm just going to do them all.
38:19Oh, there! Look!
38:20This guy, this guy.
38:21There it is.
38:22I like your system.
38:23Yeah, I just chose different guys to flip over.
38:27Mmm.
38:28That one.
38:33Ah!
38:34There's two P's under there.
38:36Well, weirdly, you put a P under the right pillow.
38:38Oh, no.
38:39It was clever but unnecessary.
38:41Yeah, and I was a tamper to do it, so I've lost.
38:43OK, cool!
38:44Jesus Christ!
38:46What?
38:47Balance your P on the highest tower of carrots.
38:51I'm not good at building stuff, you know.
38:53Right.
38:54I wouldn't have said that a carrot was a roly veg, but, yeah.
38:57All right.
39:03Yeah.
39:07Have you washed these carrots?
39:08We will.
39:09I'm so proud of myself.
39:2112 seconds.
39:24That's as good as I'm going to get, I think.
39:2710 seconds.
39:28Where's the P?
39:29This is the P?
39:30This is the P?
39:31This is the P?
39:32Two seconds.
39:33No!
39:34I mean, this is irrelevant.
39:35That's a lovely tower.
39:36Will you do any better in event number three?
39:37Catch a P fired from the P catapult.
39:40If you catch a P in your mouth, your time is divided by five.
39:41Good luck.
39:42OK, go.
39:43Ah!
39:44What?
39:45How?
39:46Can you do one test, please?
39:47Ooh.
39:48Got it.
39:49Let's see.
39:51Got it.
39:52Let's see.
39:53Okay.
39:54Let's see.
39:55Okay.
39:56Let's see.
39:57Okay.
39:58What about if you fire it right into my face?
39:5955 seconds.
40:00Did you catch one?
40:01No!
40:02No!
40:03No!
40:04No!
40:05No!
40:06No!
40:07No!
40:08No!
40:09No!
40:10No!
40:11No!
40:12No!
40:13No!
40:14No!
40:15No!
40:16No!
40:17No!
40:18No!
40:19No!
40:20No!
40:21No!
40:22No!
40:23No!
40:24No!
40:25No!
40:26No!
40:27No!
40:28No!
40:29No!
40:30No!
40:31No!
40:32Yes!
40:33Go to pee!
40:34Here we go.
40:35No!
40:36No!
40:37Congratulations.
40:38Draw a pee the furthest.
40:43Now, I'll be honest.
40:44I'm going to chuck this in there.
40:46Nobody's ever going to find it.
40:48Pee is inside.
40:54The pee has been thrown.
40:56I think it got down to here.
40:58Did it?
41:01Oh.
41:02Have you found the pee yet?
41:03No!
41:04Oh!
41:05You've got down to here did it
41:10We found the P yet
41:16Got it. I've stopped the clock. I will need to check the peas in it any sign of the P
41:2520 seconds we're hurrying up
41:30Found the P I found the P
41:35If I'd have got that carrot tower
41:38It all rested on that carrot tower
41:56That's the most joyous moment
41:58Unbelievable she found a P in a field quicker than these two found carrots in the field
42:09You took over two minutes. She found hers in a minute and a half now onto the tragic story of this particular P limp
42:15But there was a victory within your attempt wasn't there? I mean no one's made a better carrot tower than that ever
42:21Thank you
42:22I then lost because the P rolled off. Yes. No, I know. I mean it's all for nothing
42:29The medal certainly will happen on the screen behind me and I can tell you that Stevie as you can see you did get one medal for your
42:34Catch in your mouth Matt you also got one medal so you come joint fourth you get two points fatia
42:38You've got two goals in your tower and you find you are third two people in first place
42:43Jason with your two goals and your silver Rosie you've got one gold and two silvers so you both get five points
42:48Yes fatia you are in last place with nine points Jason and Matt in the lead on 14
43:01Oh
43:16Hello there sweet cheeks. Hi Greg who will be meeting the tasks. I would like Rosie Ramsey to read it. Please Rosie pleasure
43:25Get the most raisins in your wine glass
43:28You may only touch raisins with your mouth
43:32You must not bend at the waist and your hands must be behind your back at all times
43:38Also, every time you drop a raisin in your wine glass you must shout the name of one of your competitors
43:44That competitor must immediately shout their name too if they don't Alex will empty their wine glass
43:52You have 100 seconds
43:54Wow
43:55So Greg is going to be watching the waist work Greg if you think someone's bending I'll come over
44:00Oh my god, I'll be on them like a puma. Yes
44:06Okay, good luck everyone your time starts on the whistle
44:10Don't bend that waist
44:12Oh
44:14Oh
44:16Oh
44:18You must shout someone's name if you
44:20Jason
44:22Jason
44:24Jason
44:26Jason
44:28Jason
44:30Jason
44:31Jason
44:32Jason
44:33Jason
44:34Jason
44:35Jason
44:36Jason
44:37Jason
44:38Jason
44:43Jason
44:55Jason
44:56Jason
44:57Jason
44:57Jason
44:58Jason
44:59think es
44:59If you have 일이
45:00Sorry
45:02Jason
45:03Oh, I'm in!
45:05Oh, I'm in!
45:07Matthew!
45:0930 seconds left.
45:11Stevie! Stevie!
45:13Rosie! Rosie!
45:15Jason!
45:17Matthew!
45:19Matthew! Jason!
45:2110 seconds left.
45:23Rosie!
45:29Rosie!
45:31No! Stop!
45:33CHEERING
45:39Fabulous. Listen.
45:41We'll work the scores out. We'll add them to your final scores.
45:43Please come down and join me!
45:53Well, well, well, that was...
45:55Insane!
45:57I guess we start with Fatia.
45:59You didn't get any raisins in your glass in the end.
46:01And there's a very good reason for that, isn't there, Fatia?
46:03Yeah. My shoe's in you. I'm not getting on the floor, right?
46:05LAUGHTER
46:07She gets one point, really,
46:09which is more than the amount of raisins she got in the glass.
46:11So it's one to Fatia.
46:13Jason ended up with just three raisins in his glass.
46:15Two points to Jason.
46:17Incredibly, Stevie and Rosie both got 70 raisins in their glass.
46:21Oh, my God!
46:23So they share second place and four points each,
46:25but Matthew, with 315 raisins, gets five points!
46:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:33So, I'll put the episode scores.
46:35In first place, it's Matt with 19 points!
46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39Matthew Wills!
46:41Please sail up to the stage and snap up your school day star!
46:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:47APPLAUSE
47:17I'm going home to the next place!
47:19Yes, ready?
47:20OK, so I want to play…
47:21I'mersch — Nooo, somebody else!
47:22Okay, so I'm going to play…
47:23I'll play it quickly…
47:24So anyway, what about your truth –
47:25I need something else…
47:26There's a picture…
47:27Get off with the truth,
47:28that's why you can change your información
47:30With me on a fullhältиш心!
47:31a video?
47:32I need to put this…
47:33I'll send you to a couple of hearts…
47:35To those people now…
47:36and how do you辞 took Coming up and on?
47:37The Kuribos on上…
47:38The Kuribos areagen here…
47:39I hope we can get back up
47:40Yeah, yes, Rajon now…
47:41My father's lane on the fallen pages
47:42the day…
47:44…