HOW SOCIAL MEDIA IS WORSENING
BY
KASHIF MAG
BY
KASHIF MAG
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Welcome back, my friend. We are going to talk about the hidden dangers of social media use today.
00:08We are going to talk about intermittent rewards, infinite scrolling, and of course,
00:14social external validation, which unfortunately leads to comparison. So if you want to get on
00:20the right track with your screen use, then stay with me here for another episode of the podcast.
00:26I'm Dr. Trish Lee. We're going to break down social media use and how it's keeping you
00:30hooked. So let us dive in after I remind you that this podcast is part of my outreach program.
00:37And if you want to support it, please go over to pornbrainprevention.org and donate.
00:43We are going upstream and we're going to help kids and adolescents never get hooked on porn
00:50and learn how to balance their social media use. So go on over and donate because I'm on a mission.
00:56And I'd love for you to join me. All right, now let's dive into intermittent reward. Now,
01:02I have always thought this is very interesting and I very rarely talked about it here. So I wanted to
01:07dive in. It's easy if you compare it to gambling, right? If you've ever used a slot machine, not
01:13that I really have. I went to Vegas, I don't know, two years ago now, maybe, which it's a long time.
01:17I think I'm going back this summer, but never gambled once. You know, that tells you something
01:22about me. But the way that slot machines work is they keep you hooked because you never know when
01:29you're going to get the reward. So in your mind, once you've done it for a little bit, your brain's
01:34telling you it's just around the corner. Cha-ching. Maybe the next time you'll get the reward. Cha-ching,
01:40cha-ching. But you keep going and sometimes you never get the reward. Social media capitalizes on the
01:47same effect. And there's a really interesting, fairly recent study that shows this in rats.
01:52Rats went for food. It was a sucrose or a sugar water, but they went back to it kind of uncontrollably
01:59when it was delivered in an intermittent way, opposed to when it was available all the time,
02:06or if it wasn't available. When it was available intermittently, they got hooked on going back
02:12for more to check to see if it was there. Social media does the same thing. So it keeps you hooked
02:18kind of like a gambling issue. And it's all about the dopamine spikes. It's about the next dopamine
02:25spike being around the corner. We know this because what happens is the reward center and the reward
02:30pathways in your brain get hijacked by the dopamine. So when you stay on social media for any amount of
02:37time, your brain becomes conditioned to need higher levels of dopamine. You actually need more than if
02:45you were never at social media or using it. If you were out in the world playing soccer or playing your
02:52guitar or enjoying a beautiful meal with your family, the dopamine would be there in a balanced way
02:59called the happiness trifecta. You would be getting dopamine at lower levels, healthy levels. You would
03:05also be getting serotonin and oxytocin for joy and connection. But in social media, it actually creates
03:11disconnection and you're driven to look for more and more dopamine from the content that you're
03:18consuming. Now let's talk about the content for a second. The content tends to be hyper-sexualized.
03:24That's what's mostly on social media. It's tragic. The stories that are coming out now with young women
03:29on OnlyFans and the things they're doing for the external validation. We really are in a very
03:36difficult spot in society. It's terrible for people. So recognize what you're consuming matters. We're also
03:44consuming drama and violence a lot. Your brain gets hooked to go back to that type of media for dopamine
03:53hits. It's not even about what you're consuming. It's about the dopamine that gets linked to it. That's why
03:59people develop quote-unquote fetishes, which really are distorted arousal templates. So if you're going
04:05back for more drama, violence, or sexual media, your brain is linked to it for dopamine. The reward center
04:12in your brain has been hijacked, my friend. Okay, so that's intermittent rewards. Now let's talk about
04:19infinite scrolling. What does that do to you? Well, what it does to you is you keep going, going,
04:26going, going, and going. That's very intentional in the algorithm. If it never stops, there's never
04:33a breaking point, right? So you have to pull yourself away from the dopamine. There's no break
04:39that allows you to walk away from it. This is why you can lose hours of your life. And I've actually
04:45joked with the hubs with my husband because he'll be watching something and on some of the different
04:50streaming services. I'm like, this streaming service either isn't with the program or they're
04:55protecting people because the next episode takes like a full long 30 seconds to come on. Some of
05:01the other streaming services, that episode's on before you can even walk away for a second. And
05:06so they keep you hooked. Before you know it, you've watched two, three episodes, right? Doom scrolling
05:11is the same thing. You scroll, scroll, scroll until your brain is so melted by all the dopamine and
05:18the stress and the anxiety of strain brain that it causes, the numbed out feeling from drain brain.
05:24You finally put your phone down and you feel like you've been hit by a truck. That feeling comes
05:28from the dysregulation and the dysfunction in your brain that's being caused by the scrolling,
05:35by the infinity of it. So recognize that, recognize it. It leads to the psychological effects and the
05:43physical effects that fall out of that brain dysfunction. So psychologically speaking,
05:48there's mental health issues, increased anxiety, decrease ability to deal with stress. So of course,
05:56life has stressors, but if you have a hairpin trigger, it's because your brain's up here,
06:02strained brain, something happens and boom, you're off to the races. When you come away from social media,
06:07that threshold lowers. Your ability to deal with stress increases. So what you'll find in terms of
06:14psychology is an increase in anger and irritability. If you struggle from drain brain where you've really
06:21drained out your brain with a lot of dopamine, you'll feel depressed. You'll feel unmotivated.
06:26You'll feel like you're stuck in neutral. You may have anhedonia. You don't feel anything. There's no
06:32pleasure in anything. You may have sexual arousal dysfunction that goes all the way up to ED. So
06:38there's physical effects that come from scrolling that people never connect the dots back to their
06:46social media use. I'm here to tell you social media use in the infinity of the scrolling is a
06:53dopamine related behavior, seeking and searching for the next dopamine hit around the corner on an
06:59intermittent reward cycle that you can't predict. So it's difficult to walk away. And it leaves you
07:07with stress, anxiety, depression, and arousal dysfunction. It is taking you away from your life
07:14and it's not worth it. So let's talk about the next piece, the last piece, which I am becoming
07:19more passionate about by the day. And I'll tell you why I'm preparing to write my next book. My first book
07:25has come out mind over explicit matter. So be sure to get it. If you are struggling with explicit
07:31matter or hypersexual content on social media, this is the resource for you. It debuted at number one in
07:38its category in front of the iconic your brain on porn. So that was an amazing accomplishment for this
07:45book. I was so glad that people are receiving it so well. So if you're struggling, it provides the
07:51roadmap and a fun story with 55 brain hacks to help you do exactly what you need to do to back out of
07:56explicit matter use, whether it's porn proper, or if it's on social media, and to reinvigorate and
08:04rejuvenate your brain and the neural pathways back into your life, resetting the pleasure pathways in
08:10your brain. But I am preparing, I'm starting to write the story in my second book that I'm very excited
08:17about because the story also comes from my personal life, like the story in mind over explicit matter.
08:22And it's the story of how distorted relationships become because of the external social validation
08:33and comparison that happens from the likes and the hearts and the comments on social media. It becomes
08:40the thing that people need. I actually had the thought this morning that it's kind of the new currency
08:45where younger people aren't engaging in their lives on purpose in their work. Now they're trying to get
08:52likes. And yes, for some of the high level influencers, this is their income, which actually
08:58is another mechanism of external validation, but kind of a more classic one. What I want for people is
09:04they're internally validated. So you don't need a like, you're doing it because it's your purpose.
09:09So if you are on social media, like I am, because I know, I'm sure some people are out there going,
09:14lady, you make videos and you're on social media. I'm terrible at social media. I'm sure you've
09:19noticed. And I'm trying to get to a formula that feels good to me, but also appeals to people not
09:25there yet. And I'm an educator. So this gives me a platform to educate people around the world.
09:31I've always been an educator. So this isn't new. This is my purpose. This is my passion. This is what
09:35I was put on planet Earth for. So I'm doing it in the way that modern technology allows.
09:42I'm not here for validation. Just check the comments. That's an easy one to know that that's
09:47not why I'm here. I'm here to help people. But there are many people on social media that the
09:51main reason they post the content is because they want to like. And actually my brother read,
09:57which I appreciate. I don't think he listens to the podcast, but if you do, brother of mine,
10:02he listened to the entire book the first day it came out. So cool. I really appreciate the support.
10:08And he texted me. He's like, does this have to do with why girls and young women are posting
10:14all the stuff they post on social media? He's on social media a lot. It was a great question. I
10:19thought it was really cool. And it spiked his thinking in it. And the answer is yes. They're
10:22doing it for the external validation. It's the way they feel good about themselves. I want you to feel
10:27good about the work you do. I want you to feel good if you're surfing or mountain climbing and
10:32there's nobody watching you. You don't have to take a selfie doing it. I have to force myself to
10:37take selfies when I'm doing fun things in my life because I don't know to do that. That's not a thing
10:42that's in my natural repertoire. But you know, I do have five kids. It's in their repertoire, some of
10:47them. So they'll do it. I'll be like, oh, I should take one of those too so I can put it on social media.
10:51But that's not why I'm doing it. I actually don't even want to be seen by anybody.
10:55And I'm trying to do it for social media. I am internally validated to go stand up paddleboarding.
11:03I'm internally validated to box the crap out of my boxing bag. I'm internally validated. I feel
11:09great when I do those things for myself. That's what I want for you. Now, social comparison. FOMO.
11:16I talked to my youngest daughter about this the other day. I tried to reframe it for her. Fear of
11:21missing out. She said she used to have it a lot when she would see what other people are posting.
11:25But, you know, now she has learned to embrace the idea of JOMO, the joy of missing out. You don't
11:32need to be in on everything everybody's doing. And of course, it always looks so much better on
11:36social media. But I will tell you, all of her friends went on extravagant vacations for spring
11:41break, and we didn't have anything planned. And I struggled with it because I'm like, do we go on
11:46vacation because she wants to do something because everybody else is? I really thought it through.
11:51I didn't struggle with it. I was intentional about it would be a better way of saying it.
11:54We went to the beach just for two nights, but it was amazing, actually. It was very good for me
11:59because we haven't had a break from regular life. So it was really great. Beach walk. You want to
12:04reset your brain? Just go to the beach for one day. Get a beach walk in. It's just amazing to
12:09chill your brain out. But, you know, back in the day, I never went anywhere, but my parents couldn't
12:14afford to do that. I grew up in a family of six. We have a family of six kids with my bonus son. It's
12:19difficult to travel with that many people. First of all, it's very expensive. Secondly,
12:23it's not that enjoyable because somebody's not having fun at all times. So it was just me,
12:28the hubs, and my youngest daughter. We had a beautiful time. So I'm embracing it as a new
12:31season of my life. But, you know, going back to, you know, it's social comparison. Her friends in
12:37Italy, even our little jaunt to the beach doesn't compare, but it doesn't have to. It's the joy of
12:42doing what you're doing for the internal validation, not for putting a picture on social media and seeing
12:48how many people like it. And I just talked about this in a shorter video that a person put in the
12:54comments on my YouTube channel, on this channel saying that, you know, they were going to quit
12:59explicit matter and they were going to do it. Here we go. I'm going to do it for as many days
13:03as I get a like. No, that's not why you quit explicit matter. You do it because you value your
13:08brain. You do it because you value your mental health. You do it because you value sexual satisfaction
13:14with a partner. You value your real life experiences from the inside, from the inside. But you can't
13:21do that if your brain is distorted. A dysfunctional brain from social media use, from intermittent
13:28rewards, from infinite scrolling, from FOMO, and the distorted back and forth of non-real, unreal
13:36relationships with likes and hearts. That is what is messing with people's brains. So here's your brain
13:43hack strategy for the day. Figure it out. See what you're getting sucked into on social media. If
13:49you're losing hours of time, you're sucked into the intermittent cycle and the infinite scrolling.
13:54If it's more about who liked your post and who you're liking, that might be a little bit of control,
14:01external validation for the likes you get, and a little bit of control in the likes you give out.
14:07So think about it. Figure out your pattern. Get a pleather journal. You can get them at the
14:12mark. They cost $8.99. It doesn't have to be real leather, but get a journal you like to write in.
14:17Make it somewhere you can put your thoughts down. Make it so that you can process and integrate.
14:23Neuroscience shows when you write things down, you're going to learn more about it. So do that.
14:27Get a good pen that you like. Spend time on this. Do it like your life depends on it because guess what?
14:33It does. All right. I hope this helps you out. I really want you to understand that social media
14:37is so cool. It's a way that we can stay connected to people. It is a way we can have a little bit of
14:42fun. I would encourage you to clean up your feeds, get rid of hypersexuality, get rid of drama,
14:48get rid of violence, fill it with motivating feeds, fill it with things that when you get done going on
14:54social media for five minutes, you want to go for a five mile run because you're so fired up. You want
14:59to go create. You are on fire in your real life. That's how you can use social media as your best
15:06friend. All right. Until next time, always remember, control your brain or it'll control you. I'll see you then.