Frasier Season 3 Episode 13 Moon Dance
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00:00Well, we've got about 30 seconds. I think we've got time for one quick call.
00:05Hello, Marlene. I'm listening.
00:08Oh, my God. I'm really on?
00:10Yes, your problem, please.
00:11Lucky, get down. George, get the dog.
00:14Oh, my God. This is so exciting.
00:17Honey, honey, get the baby. George, get your son.
00:21Okay, okay. Here it is, Dr. Crane.
00:23If my husband and I don't find some time to have sex soon, I think I'm going to burst.
00:27I may even have to go to a department store and pick up a stranger.
00:31Hello?
00:31Oh, kids.
00:33Let's just hear without calling first.
00:35Nana and Pop Pop.
00:37I'll call you back.
00:41Well, to all you Marlenes out there, may I suggest that sex with a stranger is not the answer.
00:48Why don't you just pack the kids off with Nana and Pop Pop,
00:51lock Lucky downstairs in the basement, grab your husband,
00:54take him to the sturdiest kitchen table you have,
00:57and let the postman ring twice.
01:02Now, to the rest of my listeners, I'll be off on vacation for the next week,
01:06so please tune in to my replacement,
01:08the noted podiatrist, Dr. Gareth Wooten.
01:12He'll be discussing the virtues of his new book,
01:15Bunions and Blisters and Corns.
01:16Oh, my.
01:17I hate it when that weird foot freak subs for you.
01:25Couldn't you just have Frederick come and visit you here?
01:28Oh, I'm sorry, Ross.
01:29The taxi's waiting outside to take me to the airport.
01:32Oh, well.
01:33Have a great time.
01:34Oh, thanks.
01:35And don't forget to bring me a present.
01:37I'll get you a nice T-shirt from Colonial Williamsburg.
01:40You're taking Frederick to Williamsburg?
01:43Ew.
01:46It's a wonderful vacation spot.
01:48We're going to dip candles and tan leather and churn butter.
01:52Hey, Frederick Crane, you just finished the first grade.
01:55What are you going to do now?
01:57I'm going to Butter World.
01:58Hey, Daphne, bring that laundry over here, will you?
02:09What for?
02:11Well, I was just reading about an intelligence test you can give your dog.
02:14You throw a towel over its head and see how long it takes him to shake it off.
02:18Eddie?
02:19Oh, and the faster he takes the towel off, the smarter he is.
02:22No, the faster he folds it.
02:24All right.
02:29Now, they ranked all the dogs, and the smartest was a border collie.
02:33He did it in seven seconds.
02:35All right, come on, boy, take it off.
02:43Six.
02:45Seven.
02:46Okay.
02:47Well, the next fastest one was a poodle.
02:49I know he's as smart as a poodle.
02:54Okay, so he's no poodle.
02:57He's not a beagle, either.
03:00Or a German shepherd.
03:02Or a Labrador.
03:04Oh, for God's sake, Eddie.
03:07Yes, well, if you ask me, he's refusing to do that trick,
03:10because he knows if he does it right, you'll have him doing it every time we have company.
03:16Hey, I'll bet you're right.
03:19Nice going, Eddie.
03:20Hey.
03:25Oh, hello, Dr. Crane.
03:27I appreciate the false cheer, Daphne, but I'm sure you've seen this.
03:31Today's society page.
03:32Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.
03:34I'm saving it for after dinner.
03:39Apparently, Maris is going on a three-week cruise.
03:41Her friends threw her a bon voyage party.
03:43Look at the photo.
03:45Maris on the arm of Pearson Broadwater.
03:48Oh, Dr. Crane, look.
03:51She's just standing there, barely touching him, with only the tiniest bit of a smile on her face.
03:57I know.
03:57You can practically hear the zing, zing, zing of her heartstrings.
04:02Oh, Dr. Crane.
04:03Sorry, Niles.
04:04It gets worse.
04:06This morning, I spoke to Marta, my ex-maid and current mole.
04:09Well, she reports that Broadwater is just the latest in a parade of escorts.
04:16Gigolos are swarming around Maris like ants on a Snickers bar.
04:22Well, wait a minute.
04:22That's good news.
04:24If she's seen a whole bunch of people, it means she's not serious about anyone.
04:28You think?
04:28Yeah, sure.
04:30They're probably just her escorts.
04:31You know how she loves going to parties.
04:34Yes.
04:35And she never liked going anywhere alone, except to bed.
04:37It's more good news.
04:43You know, it wouldn't hurt you to go out a little bit every once in a while, too.
04:48If you're suggesting that I start dating, you can save your breath.
04:51Women don't exactly find me irresistible.
04:54Oh, come on, Niles.
04:55You've had lots of girlfriends.
04:57Oh, let's count.
04:59There's Maris.
05:03Oh, Dora.
05:05My childhood pen pal from Costa Rica.
05:10I seem to recall a little girl in the fourth grade who lured me to a stairwell to show me her underpants.
05:17You know, Niles, I think your problem is you still picture yourself as that same geeky kid you were in high school.
05:22But you've come a long way since then.
05:25And you're not doing yourself any favors sitting home every night.
05:28Now, just think about it.
05:30Oh.
05:30Wine, Dr. Craig?
05:33Well, wouldn't you?
05:46Oh, give it up.
05:48The man will have every right to be proud of his dog.
05:51Well, I just don't like show-offs, okay?
05:53Ginger, catch the frisbee.
05:55Ginger, roll over.
05:57Ginger, do my taxes.
05:59Just because Eddie's not good at tricks.
06:03The hell he isn't.
06:04He just likes the kind that give him a chance to use his brain.
06:08Eddie's a thinker.
06:10Here.
06:11Just watch this.
06:12Open the door for him.
06:16Now, I've been teaching him the names of all his chew toys.
06:20Eddie, get your banana.
06:21Now he's thinking.
06:29Which one's the banana?
06:36Now he's thinking.
06:39What the heck did I do with my banana?
06:44Now he's thinking.
06:46Which one's the emergency book?
06:49Come on.
06:50Oh, Dr. Craig.
06:56Hello.
06:57I let myself in.
06:58I hope that's all right.
06:59Fine.
07:00What's up?
07:00Oh, I just stopped by to ask you a question.
07:02Are you free Saturday night?
07:04Sure.
07:05Well, I'm not.
07:05I have a date.
07:06Bravo, Dr. Craig.
07:12Good for you.
07:13Who is she?
07:15Marjorie Nash.
07:16The fruit on the bottom yogurt heiress.
07:18Oh.
07:22I bumped into her at the Fry Museum.
07:24Before I knew it, your advice was thundering in my ears.
07:27I found myself asking her out.
07:29But we'll be attending our club's annual winter dance, the Snowbowl.
07:33Oh, good for you.
07:36What's she like?
07:37Well, she's terribly haughty and rumors persist about her husband's death.
07:41But still, a date's a date.
07:47Snowbowl?
07:48Sounds very glabber.
07:50I didn't know you could dance.
07:52Oh, I can't.
07:54Oh, dear.
07:54You don't think she'll want me to?
08:02I've taken Maris to dozens of these things.
08:04She's never once asked to dance.
08:06Of course, Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm.
08:13Oh, this is terrible.
08:15At my first date, it's a miserable failure.
08:17Before it even begins, I'll just have to cancel.
08:19All you need are a few dancing lessons.
08:22I'll be happy to give you some.
08:23You would?
08:25Yeah.
08:25Growing up, I used to practice all the time with my brother Billy, the ballroom dancer.
08:30Well, I couldn't prevail upon you like that.
08:32It'd be too much trouble.
08:33We'll have to move this.
08:38Okay, we'll push the chair back.
08:41Or not.
08:45All right.
08:47We'll start with the box step.
08:49Box step.
08:50It's very simple.
08:51All right.
08:51You take my hand like so.
08:53And your other hand goes around the waist.
08:56Now, start with your left foot.
08:59Which one?
09:00Oh, sure.
09:02You step towards me.
09:04Then bring your right foot forward and over.
09:08And slide the left over to meet it.
09:11Then the right foot goes back.
09:14The left back.
09:15Back and over.
09:16And the right slides next to it.
09:18And that's it.
09:20All right.
09:21Once again.
09:22And one, two, three, two, three, three, two, three, four, two, three.
09:36This is boring.
09:36This is boring, yet difficult.
09:40Oh, there's no trick to dancing.
09:42This is a matter of coordination.
09:44Hell, if you can ride a bike or skip rope or kick a ball, you can certainly...
09:50All right.
09:58All right.
09:58Once again.
09:59And, uh, one, two, three, two.
10:09Really doing very well, Dr. Crane.
10:12Earlier you seemed a bit tense.
10:14You've really relaxed, though, now, haven't you?
10:23Yeah, you two looking pretty sharp.
10:25Well, I think we're ready to move on to the samba.
10:29Eddie, fetch me a samba tape.
10:31Xavier Cougar.
10:35Now he's thinking.
10:36The later Hollywood stuff or the early New York recordings?
10:39Now, guess what I'm thinking.
10:45I'll get it myself.
10:47Well, I'm going to hit the good night, Ben-Din.
10:51Sure.
10:52See you in the morning, Ben-Din.
10:54Dip.
10:57There's my phone, flip and push.
11:01Niles Crane.
11:02Oh, Marjorie.
11:04How are you?
11:07Oh, what a shame.
11:08Well, uh, no, no, that's all right.
11:11There'll be other dances.
11:13No, no, I understand completely.
11:16Uh, take care.
11:20Well, guess I won't be needing those dancing lessons.
11:25I guess not.
11:28I'm sorry, son.
11:32I couldn't find any kundi.
11:35Well, this'll do.
11:36All right, now.
11:40In the samba, you'll have to hold me a little closer.
11:43You ready?
11:44Daphne, there's one thing I wanted to mention.
11:46Yeah?
11:46I'm a dancer, a dancer, a dancer, a dancer.
12:03Well, look who's here.
12:05It's my dancing partner.
12:07Hello, Fred.
12:08Hello, Ginger.
12:08It's a little joke we have.
12:14Look, Daphne, I got two new CDs today.
12:17Tonight, we master the mambo and the conga.
12:20I can feel myself growing a pencil-thin mustache just saying that.
12:23You're having more lessons tonight?
12:26Oh, yes.
12:27He's going to be the best dancer at the ball.
12:29I'll just go get her some coffees.
12:31Why didn't you tell her your day to cancel?
12:37You don't need more lessons.
12:39I wanted to, but she's just having so much fun.
12:43Come on, now.
12:44You think I don't see the way you look at Daphne?
12:46What are you implying?
12:48You know damn well that I'm implying.
12:50Take my word for it.
12:51You're sticking a fork in the toaster here.
12:53Well, my muffin's stuck.
13:03Besides, what's the harm in a few dance lessons?
13:07It's nighttime.
13:08You're alone.
13:10The music's on.
13:12You've got your arms around her.
13:14You'll end up saying something you can't take back.
13:17I have no intention of saying anything.
13:19No one ever does.
13:20Take my word for it.
13:23When I was separated from your mother,
13:27there was this pretty coroner in the city morgue.
13:33I always had a bit of a crush on her.
13:36Whenever we'd find a dead body, I'd yell out,
13:39OK, boys, I'll take it from here.
13:42So, this one night, I invited her down to the corner bar.
13:47Coroners have their own bars?
13:49No, corner, Niles, a corner bar.
13:53Anyway, we had a few drinks.
14:01Lights were low.
14:03Sinatra and the jukebox.
14:04Before I knew it, it just all came pouring out of me.
14:08I told her how I felt.
14:10I mean, I knew the second it was out of my mouth that it was a mistake.
14:15She let me down easy, but we still had to go on seeing each other all the time.
14:21Sure was no fun going to the morgue after that.
14:24Oh, so, what time are we starting your lessons tonight, Dr. Crane?
14:30Actually, that won't be necessary.
14:34I just got a call from Marjorie.
14:36If something's come up, I won't be going to the ball.
14:39Oh, well, I'm sorry.
14:41It's quite all right.
14:43Thank you for all your help.
14:45Seems such a shame to waste all that hard work.
14:49Look, I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but what would you say about our going to the dance together?
14:58No, no, he's already taken up too much of your time, Daphne.
15:02He couldn't ask you to do that.
15:03No, but it would be as much fun for me as it would be for him.
15:07I'd love an elegant evening out.
15:09What do you say, Dr. Crane?
15:11Tell her what you say, Dr. Crane.
15:13Pick you up at seven?
15:14Oh, yes!
15:15No, Eddie, that's not your banana.
15:30That's Mr. Pig.
15:33Listen to the difference.
15:35Pig.
15:36Banana.
15:39Pig.
15:40Banana.
15:43I still love you, you little pinhead.
15:45Go sit down.
15:49Oh, Frazier, am I glad you're back.
15:51Listen.
15:52There's all sorts of...
15:53Please.
15:54I've just spent the most wonderful six days with Frederick.
15:56I am technically still on vacation until 10 a.m. tomorrow.
15:59Yeah, but listen...
16:01But, but, but, but...
16:03Dad, I do not care to know how hard Daphne made you exercise,
16:07or about the boring foreign film Niles made you sit through,
16:10or about the progress of Eddie's on-again-off-again romance with the Ottomans.
16:17Well, you don't understand.
16:19Please.
16:20For all intents and purposes, I am not here.
16:24That'll be me date.
16:26Oh, I'm so excited.
16:29This is me first ball.
16:30Oh, I hope he likes me dress.
16:33Daphne?
16:33Hello, Dr. Crane.
16:35Welcome back.
16:38Hello.
16:40Wow.
16:41Oh.
16:46Niles?
16:47Oh, Frazier, you're back.
16:48Well, our carriage waits.
16:50And you better get a home at a decent hour.
16:51I'm going to be waiting up for you.
16:53Oh, Mr. Crane.
16:55What the hell was that?
17:07Eddie?
17:08Did you hear something?
17:10Can't be Frazier.
17:11He's still on vacation.
17:13Dad?
17:15What was that?
17:16Dad, will you stop kidding around?
17:18Was that a date?
17:19Dad!
17:19Dad!
17:25Oh, Dr. Crane, it's so beautiful.
17:45Um, just for tonight, could you call me Niles?
17:49No.
17:50When I was at school, I knew a boy who was Niles, and I called him Nily.
17:54Just for tonight, could you call me Niles?
18:01You're a vision.
18:03Everyone's staring at you.
18:05Oh, you look awfully handsome yourself, Niles.
18:15Would you like some champagne?
18:18That would be lovely.
18:19Be back in a moment.
18:21Two champagnes, too sweet.
18:23Niles, do you?
18:25How are you?
18:27Just fine, thanks.
18:28Andrew, say hello to Niles.
18:30Haven't seen you for ages.
18:32I feel just terrible about you and Maris.
18:34Oh, yes, we were just devastated.
18:37Positively, everyone is talking about it.
18:39Oh, and how is positively everyone?
18:42Devastating.
18:43We were just saying that to Maris when we ran into her and Barclay Paxton at the Breeders' Cup.
18:49No, no, no, no.
18:49She was a Carla Binaldi at the Breeders' Cup.
18:52Well, it's so hard to keep track.
18:56Anyway, Niles, if there's anything we can do to cheer you up, just let us know.
19:01That's a murder-suicide pact.
19:06Well, they weren't very nice.
19:09Well, everyone in our set seems to have this idea that while Maris is out living the high
19:14life, I'm sitting at home, crushed and lonely.
19:17Yeah, well, never mind those gossipy twits.
19:21Tonight, you're all mine.
19:23Now, take me in your arms, Niles, and let the music carry us away.
19:36We'll be back in ten minutes.
19:53Oh, I can't remember when I've had a better time.
20:06I'm on cloud nine.
20:07I'd have to look down to see cloud nine.
20:12Daphne, I must tell you again, that is an exquisite gown.
20:17Oh, thanks.
20:18It was way out of me price range, but did you ever see something and say, I just have
20:24to have it?
20:30Where's my chair?
20:38A tangle.
20:40Oh, you never taught me a tangle.
20:42Oh, you'll love it.
20:44It's perfect for you.
20:45This is a passionate, full-blooded dance that rose up from the slums of Punta Therese.
20:52Well, the parallels between me and an unemployed gaucho aside, I think we probably should just
20:57sit this one down.
20:58Oh, nonsense.
21:00There's only one rule in the tangle.
21:04Our bodies must be in continuous contact with not a sliver of daylight between us.
21:11I can do that.
21:15Snow, don't be afraid.
21:19What?
21:19Daphne won't let anything happen to you.
21:22I don't think...
21:22Don't think.
21:24Just feel.
21:26You're an Argentine slummed one.
21:30You have no house, no car.
21:33You don't know where your next meal is coming from.
21:36But none of that matters.
21:38Because tonight...
21:39We have the tangle.
21:44Oh, Mama, I've got it all.
21:56That's it.
21:58You're dazzling.
21:59You're brilliant.
22:01But I feel you're holding back.
22:03I am.
22:04Oh, this is no time for inhibitions.
22:07I know.
22:11Oh, let it out, Niles.
22:14Let everything out.
22:16Oh, Daphne.
22:18I adore you.
22:20I adore you, too.
22:29What?
22:33I adore you, too.
22:36Oh, I've longed to hear those words.
22:39Oh, how I've longed to say them.
22:42You're beautiful.
22:43You're a goddess.
22:45Oh, I don't have a lot of this moment to end.
22:48Then let's not let it.
23:20This is the most glorious night of my life.
23:30Oh, mine too.
23:47Oh, dear.
23:50I'm a new man.
23:53Do you have any idea what I'm feeling?
23:55Oh, of course I do.
23:58Your friends look positively dumbstruck.
24:02Yet from now on, there'll be no more of that, oh, poor Niles attitude.
24:07Far from it.
24:07Oh, I knew you were a good dancer, but I had no idea you were such a good actor.
24:18Actor?
24:19Oh, Daphne, you're a goddess.
24:22Daphne, I adore you.
24:25We fooled everyone, didn't we?
24:28Oh.
24:28Oh, we certainly did, didn't we?
24:37I'm surprised it was so easy.
24:39Well, given the right circumstances, anyone can be fooled.
24:47What do you say to another dance?
24:50No, thanks.
24:50It's getting late, and I've danced enough.
24:54All right, then.
24:55Well, I'll just go and pout him a nose, and that will be up.
24:58All right, okay.
25:11Niles?
25:13No, no, please.
25:15Claire Barnes?
25:16I was an associate in your attorney's office.
25:19Oh, yes, Claire.
25:20It's good to see you again.
25:22Well, I heard about you and Maris,
25:24and I just wanted to give you my card
25:27and let you know that you're free to call me any time.
25:31I'm happy with my attorney.
25:33I meant to go dancing.
25:37Oh.
25:40Thanks.
25:45Well, are you ready?
25:47Uh.
25:50No, I don't think I am.
25:52I beg your pardon?
25:53Uh, I mean, yes, uh, let's go.
25:56Oh.
25:57Oh, we had a time tonight, didn't we?
26:00We certainly did.
26:02I want to think you almost didn't come to the ball.
26:06You know, it's such a shame when people let fear stop them from trying new things.
26:13Excuse me.
26:14I'm ready now.
26:23I'm ready now.
26:23Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:39Mercy.
26:40And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:43Well, maybe.
26:44But I got you pegged.
26:46Ha!
26:47Ha!
26:48Ha!
26:48But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:56They're calling again.
27:00Thank you!
27:00I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what to do with those tossed salads, but I don't know what I don't know what to do with