Frasier Season 7 Episode 21 Three Faces Of Frasier
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00:00Oh don't you look nice. Yeah, Frasier wanted me dressed up for this mystery lunch of his.
00:07He hasn't told you what the occasion is either. No, but I'm sure it's something
00:10very important. I'm sure he wants to unveil his new antique Elizabethan egg timer.
00:19Yeah, or debut his pre-Columbian spoon rest.
00:22Hello all. Hey. Well, Dad, I see you're ready to roll. Yeah, can you at least tell us what kind
00:31of restaurant you're taking us to? Patience, Dad. Ros will be here in a few minutes, then we'll be
00:36off and all will be revealed. So how did it go with the doctor? Judging by that smile on your
00:42face, I'm guessing your cholesterol's down. Well, after several weeks of watching my diet and taking
00:48my medication and race walking every Tuesday, it hasn't budged. Oh. The goodness is though that
00:55I've developed bursitis to help take my mind off of it. The doctor said it's all just a matter of
01:01aging. Well, no reason to let it ruin our festive lunch. Yeah, boy, you don't forget that trip to
01:08the doctor, do you? That day he says there's nothing I can do for you, you're just getting
01:13old, Sporn. In my case, it was slugger, but that was the gist. Well, you know what I realized? When
01:20people reach our stage of life... Yeah, please, with all due respect, when it comes to life's journeys,
01:25you and I do not share a stage. We're not even in the same theater.
01:33You're taking this all very cheerfully, Dr. Craig. Well, why shouldn't I? In many ways, my life
01:40couldn't be better. I mean, by and large, I'm in good health. There is a promising new relationship
01:46on the horizon, the lovely Rachel. My career is thriving. Did you say thriving or diving? What?
01:55Look at these ratings. Oh, Roz, that's nothing to worry about, for God's sakes, they're just leveling
02:00off. Yeah, that's what tends to happen when you hit bottom. But there's no cause for alarm here,
02:06Roz. The important thing is that we go on doing a quality show. Hey, how about some quality lunch?
02:12Splendid idea, Dad. Off we go then. Oh, uh, Niles will be joining us there. Oh, excuse me.
02:20Hello? Ah, Rachel, yes, uh, momentito. So is Donnie going to be joining us?
02:31No, he's got wedding business this afternoon. He's composing our vows. Oh, isn't that romantic?
02:37He's not exactly Wordsworth strolling through a shady glen. When I left, he was lying on the
02:43couch in his underwear with a tin of Vienna sausages and a rhyming dictionary on his chest.
02:50Well, remember that new promising relationship on the horizon? Yeah.
02:54It just got married in Vegas last night.
03:00Well, great. Then you don't have a date for Daphne's wedding. Oh, I'll find a date. Don't
03:04worry, Roz. Lunch awaits. Hey, great. Why don't we go together? No, Roz, I assure you, my dance
03:10card will be punched. Oh, by who? Well, I don't know right now. It's just that I will be Crane plus one.
03:17Uh-huh. Well, just in case you don't get a date, what time would you pick me up? I'm getting a date.
03:22Well, uh, just in case. I'm getting a date. Well, what time are you picking her up?
03:26Three o'clock. Well, can you make it three thirty? I'm getting a date.
03:38So, what's the big occasion? Wait for it, Daphne. Let the moment build. Besides, Miles hasn't
03:43arrived yet. Oh, I'd be surprised if he came. He's terrified of this place. Still, my god, it's been
03:4930 years. What happened? Oh, Hester and I brought the boys here when they were kids, and
03:54Miles was running around. He bumped into the dessert trolley, and Stefano got hot,
03:59and yelled at him, and Miles got terrified, and he, well, he vomited. Right.
04:06All over Stefano's shoes. Then he ran out, hid behind the car, and he hasn't been back in here
04:11since. Poor little weenie. Hey, Dr. Crane, buongiorno, buongiorno. Oh, good to see you, Stefano. How are you?
04:22Allow me to introduce you to Daphne Moon. Yes, yes. And my father, Martin, you remember.
04:29This is... Hey, we all know Russ.
04:33All right, for today, we've got some special dishes for you, Dr. Crane. Focini, fresh from
04:40Naples. And for me? Giorgio, fresh from Sicily. Can I get him to go?
04:51Okay, now, I'm gonna be waiting on you myself today, okay? You just give me a minute, I come back.
05:00Oh, excuse me.
05:02Hello? Yes, hello, Niles. Oh, really? Oh, what a shame. Told you. No, that's all right. If your
05:16patient is having a crisis, you'd better address it before it turns into a crippling, immature,
05:23lifelong problem. You're not really mad at him, are you? Well, of course I'm mad at him.
05:32Certainly gonna give him a piece of my mind at dinner tonight. Tonight? Oh, I was hoping you could
05:37come to Alice's birthday party. My balloon animal guy canceled. I could really use your help.
05:43I'm sorry, Niles made the reservations a month ago. It's at Kelker Shows.
05:49Fine. Listen, if Niles isn't coming, maybe you can tell us what the big surprise is.
05:54Oh, all right, I'll spill. For over 60 years, Stefanos has immortalized Seattle's famous faces
06:02on its walls, as you can see, with one notable exception.
06:11It's me! Stefanos unveiling the portrait today.
06:16Hey, that's what I'll do for Alice's party. I'll get a cartoonist to draw the kids.
06:21That's an excellent idea, Ross, but let's not forget why we're here. Does anybody have a toast?
06:26Okay, Dr. Crane, here it is. My portrait? No, it's today's specials.
06:35Would you like to say a few words or something? Well, if you insist.
06:40Before we unveil this picture, permit me to paint one of my own. A picture of a young
06:54Frasier Crane, wide-eyed, gazing at the walls of Stefanos and wondering, who's that?
07:03Well, little did I suspect that one day my picture would be on the wall, and perhaps now
07:10other children will come in, gaze at it, and wonder, who's that? I bet that's gonna happen a lot.
07:22So, thank you, Stefanos, for this honor. Thank you for suggesting it.
07:27And now, may I present, il dottore, Dr. Frasier Crane.
07:40Oh, Frasier, will you let it go? It's a perfectly nice picture.
07:55Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic?
08:03So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
08:07It makes me look like I discovered fire.
08:11I was just leaving you a note apologizing for that flimsy excuse. I'm sorry,
08:16just the thought of going back to that place got my stomach doing flip-flops.
08:23Oh, by the way, Daphne, the doorman gave me this for you.
08:28No, it's for Donny. No, it's for Mrs. Donny Douglas.
08:33Oh, funny. That's the first time I've seen my name like that.
08:36Well, get used to it. That's you in a couple of weeks.
08:40So, how was lunch? What was the big surprise?
08:43Don't ask. The less said, the better.
08:46They put his picture on the wall, and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.
08:50A touch? I look like a fugitive from Easter Island.
08:56Frasier, you always think you look bad in pictures.
08:59Now, this is not some photo I can just throw away.
09:01This is a picture of me in a famous restaurant.
09:05My God, I dreamed my entire life of being on that wall.
09:07And now you are. Are you really so vain that that's not honor enough?
09:11Vanity has nothing to do with it. It's about misrepresentation.
09:15And, you know, if I were you, I would be careful about
09:18bandying about the word vain, Mr. Frasier.
09:21I would be careful about bandying about the word vain, Mr. $250 haircut.
09:29I have problem follicles.
09:37Frasier, it's a caricature. They exaggerate stuff.
09:41Now, if it were me, they would have drawn maybe a big cane.
09:45If it were Niles, they'd draw a barber cutting the hair off a giant sucker.
09:52I know you're sensitive about your big forehead, but we all have stuff like that.
10:02With me, it's my eyes.
10:03I've always fancied sparkling blooms instead of dull old brown.
10:08Your eyes? Your eyes are not dull.
10:12Thank you, Dr. Crane. That's very nice.
10:15They're warm and full of life.
10:24You have beautiful eyes, too.
10:31Oh, goodness. I can't be lollygagging around here.
10:35I have to get Dr. Crane his oat bran.
10:40Oat bran? Now?
10:42You'll need it for the morning.
10:45You've got to have something to sop up all that nasty cholesterol gumming up your heart.
10:49If not, I'm liable to come home and find you face down on the floor
10:53with the dog gnawing off your foot.
10:55And I'm not making that up, either. That happened.
10:58Cheerio.
11:02I wish you moved that fast when I'm out of beer.
11:07Well, I should, uh, I should be off, too.
11:09Are we still on for dinner at character shows?
11:11Oh, yes, yes, of course.
11:13You might want to call and confirm.
11:14Yes, I'll make a mental note.
11:16Well, be careful you don't lose it inside that giant puppet head of yours.
11:19Goodbye, Doctor.
11:24Giant puppet head, indeed.
11:26Oh, let it go, Frasier. What are you going to do?
11:29Go down there and make him change it?
11:31Just accept it for the honor it is. That's all.
11:34You know, I don't get you.
11:36A doctor gives you bad news, you take it in stride.
11:39But one bad picture...
11:41Yes, thank you, Doc.
11:42Hello?
11:44Yes, I'm calling about a reservation tonight.
11:47For two. Crane.
11:50Well, what can I say, but I just love your food, Stefano.
11:59I'm in the mood for Italian.
12:07Would you come along, Niles?
12:09I'd really rather not. I'm feeling queasy just standing here.
12:13I can hardly see the picture from there.
12:15Come on. All right, all right, let's just be quick about this.
12:18Hello, do you have a reservation?
12:19Uh, yes, for Crane.
12:21One moment.
12:24You tricked me.
12:25You'll just be here long enough for me to talk to Stefano,
12:27convince him to change the picture so it doesn't mock me for the rest of my life.
12:32Frasier, the man has a violent temper.
12:33He's already made me humiliate myself once.
12:35Niles, I can't believe you're letting a minor childhood trauma like this plague you.
12:40You know, I have a feeling this may be the root of your fear of authority figures.
12:44Listen, a nice relaxing dinner here may go a long way toward helping you resolve this problem.
12:51How nice to see you again.
12:53Stefano, good to see you.
12:55And who's this gentleman? Looks familiar to me.
12:57Oh, this is my brother, Niles.
13:00Ah, of course. You have the family flower in there. Come on.
13:05Follow me.
13:07Hey, Antonio, slow down.
13:09Signorante, faccia a pru. What's the matter with you?
13:16Come on, sit down. We have a nice table.
13:19Right under your picture.
13:21Okay, tonight, no menus.
13:23We're going to take care of everything.
13:25Except the bill, of course.
13:27Well, there it is.
13:31Frasier Cranium.
13:40Well, it does have a certain under-nuanced, over-contoured, Macy's Parade kind of quality, but...
13:50Even so, you can't deny it.
13:52Even so, you cannot ask him to change it. The man will explode.
13:59Not if I do it with the utmost tact.
14:02Okay, here we are. Antipasto.
14:06Oh, well, that's wonderful, Stefano.
14:10You know, you certainly do have a way of making people feel comfortable.
14:13I suspect that it would actually physically pain you
14:18to think that someone wasn't totally pleased.
14:23What's wrong?
14:25Well, actually, well, there is a tiny, tiny problem.
14:31It's really about my picture, you see.
14:35There is a small faction that thinks the forehead is too large.
14:42What? This one?
14:44No, I love it!
14:49As do I. It's just that...
14:54Well, I feel I might be more recognizable if the forehead were a tad smaller.
15:02You don't like it?
15:03It's not that.
15:03It's not good enough for you?
15:04Yes, it is.
15:05You want me to have it changed?
15:06Could you?
15:13How long is this going to take?
15:15No, no.
15:17I was fortunate enough that the artist is actually here tonight.
15:19Certainly not going to rush.
15:20Now, you know, you better finish with your lasagna.
15:23You don't want to offend Stefano.
15:25Offend him?
15:26So far tonight, I have had the prosciutto di Parma,
15:30the pesto genovese, and the Venetian sea bass.
15:33One more bite will conclude our little tour of Italy with my impression of Pompeii.
15:40Hey, hey, look who it is!
15:44They'll let anyone in this joint.
15:47Hello, Kenny.
15:49So, what are you celebrating?
15:51Not your ratings, huh?
15:52I'm kidding!
15:54You got it, kid.
15:56If you don't laugh, you cry, right?
15:59So, uh, did I hear a rumor you're going up on the wall of fame?
16:02Oh, yes.
16:03As a matter of fact, they're putting the finishing touches on the picture right now.
16:06Isn't that something?
16:08Hey, hey, hey, you better save some room.
16:10Stefano goes crazy if you pass on his dessert.
16:13My mother found that out the hard way on her 80th birthday.
16:17He went off on her.
16:21Called her, uh, Scungia Bungia or something?
16:25The kids had it memorized for a while.
16:28Well, enjoy.
16:30Okay, Dr. Craig, hop off the easel.
16:34Is this one more to your liking?
16:36Oh, my.
16:38It's better?
16:39It's like looking in a mirror.
16:43That's what I want to hear.
16:45You know, this is the first time that anybody has ever asked for a change.
16:51Oh, beautiful.
16:53You make me so happy.
16:55I'm going to see how the steaks are coming.
17:01Fraser, I hate to burst your bubble, but that picture looks absolutely nothing like you.
17:06Well, well, I was wondering when Mr. Envy would pull up a chair.
17:15Oh, Kenny, Kenny, if I may, uh, can I direct your attention to this character?
17:20Wow, look at that.
17:22I am impressed.
17:23I thought you might be.
17:24James Garner eats here?
17:28James Garner?
17:29Well, I guess I can go sit down now.
17:30My father-in-law just picked up the check.
17:36I don't believe this.
17:39I've waited my entire life to have my picture on this wall.
17:41Now that it is, it's unrecognizable.
17:44Well, not for long.
17:45No, Fraser, you are not going to ask me to change it again.
17:48Miles, if this means so much to you, my girlfriend is a plastic surgeon.
17:52She can have you looking like this picture in six procedures or less.
17:57All right, here we are, boys.
17:59Here we are.
18:00Mind your beheading.
18:01Mind your beheading.
18:02Oh, oh, oh.
18:03Oh, look at that.
18:05Thank you, boss.
18:06You know, there's been something that's been bugging me all night.
18:11Hey, shove over, will you?
18:15I know you from someplace, and I can't figure out where.
18:19And it's driving me pazzo.
18:23So we got to figure this out together, okay?
18:25You and me, all right?
18:27You know, while you two are strolling down memory lane, I have a quick errand I have to run.
18:33I'll tell you what.
18:33Save some dessert for me.
18:42Roz.
18:43Fraser, I knew you'd show up.
18:46Yes, well, of course I did.
18:47You knew how much you would mean to me and Alice.
18:49Gosh, am I that transparent?
18:51Come on in, Glen.
18:53Everybody, this is Fraser.
18:55Hello, uh, hi.
18:56Can I get you something?
18:58Jell-O, Lunchables, a Pokemon Punch?
19:01Well, do you have any coffee made?
19:03No.
19:04That's perfect.
19:06Well, I mean, while you're making coffee, it'll give me some quality time with Alice.
19:20Hey, no cards.
19:21No, no, no, I need a picture right away.
19:23I'll tell.
19:24Do you know who this is?
19:25This is the birthday girl.
19:26If she wants a picture right away, she's going to get a picture right away.
19:29Now, why don't you just run along?
19:32All right, I think you're finished.
19:35Here we are.
19:38But I don't have any eyes.
19:40Yes, well, neither did Little Orphan Annie.
19:42She's got her own Broadway show.
19:43Now, go on, shoot.
19:46Okay, fine.
19:47Looking for something, Manny?
19:48Go easy on the forehead and leave the kid out.
20:02Oh, where the hell have you been?
20:09Stefano's been trying to place me for the last 40 minutes.
20:12Was I ever in Panama?
20:14Did I sell him his first Lincoln?
20:16Do I have a box at the dog track?
20:20Why don't you just say yes and let that be the end of it?
20:23Well, that's a good idea.
20:28What's that?
20:28I went by Alice's birthday party.
20:30I had the artist there draw me some new sketches.
20:32Here, what do you think?
20:35I think you're insane.
20:36No, no, it's not so crazy, really.
20:39Just imagine.
20:39Suppose that picture there should accidentally drop to the floor and tear.
20:47You see, I could come back here tomorrow, tell Stefano that I didn't want to put his
20:51artist in any more trouble and I had a new caricature done myself.
20:56You see, I'm actually partial to this one here, but there is one in here of me playing
21:00soccer, which is very good.
21:02Bill.
21:04We'll put these away and we'll pay the bill and we'll find a bed to strap you into.
21:09No, no, no, no, no, no, this can work.
21:11It really can, I promise you.
21:13It can work.
21:14What is this?
21:16The pictures?
21:18It's nothing.
21:19It's no business of yours.
21:19Off you go.
21:21Stefano!
21:24Stefano!
21:26Mama, what is it?
21:27Carabinier, what?
21:28Guarda, guarda!
21:31What is this?
21:34Oh, all right.
21:35I may as well just tell you the truth.
21:38The fact is, I don't really care for this picture either.
21:43It's just that I'm afraid your artist has lost his touch, to be honest.
21:47I think he's robbing you blind.
21:49I mean, my God, how much is this act charging you?
21:51Mama's the hack, isn't she?
21:59Son of a gun, get out of here!
22:05I don't like this place!
22:07Get in here!
22:12You, hold on a second.
22:14Now, I remember you.
22:17Oh.
22:19Bridgeport, Connecticut.
22:21Yes, yes, right, yes.
22:25My car got stuck in the rain and you saved my ass.
22:28Yes, well, it was nothing.
22:30Uh, glad you remember.
22:31Let me show you how we thank you, where I come from.
22:42Well, suffice it to say that the entire Crane family is now banned from Stefano's.
22:48Just because of that dumb picture.
22:49No, no, actually, there was a little incident involving Niles too.
22:55He was doing just fine until Stefano took him in some sort of a bear hug and
23:00shook him a little too vigorously.
23:04On the shoes again?
23:06No, this time there was a conveniently placed lobster tank.
23:11Poor Niles.
23:12Yeah, wasn't any picnic for the lobsters either.
23:16What the hell is wrong with me, Dad?
23:19You know, I became so obsessed with that damn picture, I completely lost my head.
23:25Well, I think I know what's really going on here.
23:29Really?
23:30Yeah.
23:30Well, enlighten us.
23:33Well, I think there's some stuff in your life that you can't control.
23:37Your doctor tells you you're getting old, your ratings are low,
23:41you're not happy with your love life.
23:42And so I think you obsessed about this picture because you
23:47figured it was something in your life that you could control.
24:00Well then, you do raise a point.
24:04Oh, what the hell?
24:05You're dead on.
24:07Where'd you learn so much about psychology?
24:09Oh, I listen to radio.
24:14That's so obvious, isn't it?
24:15You know, when a person is confronted with some deeply troubling issue that they're not ready
24:20to face yet, they usually avoid the problem by obsessing about something else, something
24:24completely trivial.
24:27Got it.
24:28Got what?
24:29Dr. Creed's old brand.
24:31What?
24:31You left for that eight hours ago.
24:33Well, it wasn't easy.
24:35They were out a bit at the regular market, so I went to another one.
24:39But they were out of it.
24:41So I looked into it, and it turns out they don't sell it in Washington anymore.
24:45Well, for some reason, I just couldn't let it go.
24:49So I went for a little drive.
24:51You know, it wouldn't kill you to do something like that once in a while.
24:54Get off that big round duff of yours.
24:58Anyway, hop, skip and a jump later.
25:01Here it is, fresh from Portland.
25:06Well, I'm off to bed.
25:08Good night.
25:10What the hell was that?
25:12I don't know.
25:13What did you mean about that big round duff, Carmen?
25:17You know, the sands of time don't exactly flow up the hourglass.
25:23I mean, it's not easy for a guy our age.
25:26Dad, for the last time, we are not the same age.
25:29I mean, I've seen your hips start to spread a little bit.
25:32Also, I mean, my hips have nothing to do with this.
25:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:46Mercy.
25:48And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:51Well, maybe.
25:52But I got you pegged.
25:57But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:04They're calling again.