TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 5 January 1966
Patty intends to prove that she is capable of watching Ross for the weekend while their parents are away.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: William Raynor, Myles Wilder, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty intends to prove that she is capable of watching Ross for the weekend while their parents are away.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: William Raynor, Myles Wilder, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Now are we all set, Nat?
00:07Oh, honey, will you let me just double check?
00:09Oh, Natalie.
00:10Let's see, I've got a wool sweater in case it's chilly,
00:12a summer suit in case it's warm,
00:14the umbrella's in the car in case it rains.
00:16Oh, Martin, I'm worried.
00:18Why? You're prepared for anything short of a monsoon.
00:21I mean about the kids.
00:23All right, we won't go.
00:24I'll call that hotel and tell them to tell the 300 out-of-town newspaper men
00:28that I'm not gonna make the speech.
00:29Martin, will you be serious?
00:31I mean, do you think that we can really go off and leave Patty to supervise Ross?
00:35Do you think that we can leave him to supervise her?
00:38Well, I just don't know if she can handle him.
00:40Well, she'll have to learn. It's an old family tradition.
00:43After all, nobody thought you'd learn to handle me.
00:46Come on.
00:48Well, all ready to leave?
00:50Yeah, I hope so, Kath.
00:52Where's Ross? I haven't said goodbye to him.
00:54Well, let me see. He was here a minute ago.
00:56Oh, I know. I saw him riding on his...
00:59skateboard.
01:02All right, all set to hit the road?
01:04All set to hit the ceiling, young man.
01:06How many times have I told you, no skateboards in the house.
01:09May I, Papa?
01:11Well, well, well, it's getting a little chilly out for this time of year, isn't it?
01:14Hmm?
01:15I mean, if it gets any cooler, we might have to light a fire.
01:17Give me that.
01:18Uh-uh-uh.
01:19From now on, any wood in the living room that is not strictly furniture is strictly kindling.
01:23Dig?
01:24I dig, I dig.
01:25You see, Papa, it's all a matter of child psychology.
01:28Right, child?
01:30Oh, brother, what a weekend this is gonna be.
01:38Meet Kathy, who's lived most everywhere
01:41From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
01:44But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
01:48What a crazy pair
01:50But they're cousins
01:53Identical cousins all the way
01:57One pair of matching bookends
02:00Different as night and day
02:03Where Kathy adores a minuet
02:07The ballet Russe and crepe Suzette
02:10Our patios are rock and roll, a hot dog makes her lose control
02:13What a wild duet
02:15Still they're cousins
02:18Identical cousins than you'll find
02:23They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike
02:26You can lose your mind
02:29When cousins
02:31Aren't two of a kind
02:39Don't forget to put the empties out for the milkman
02:41and leave the money for the newspaper boy in the letterbox.
02:44We will, Aunt Natalie. Have a nice trip.
02:46Yes, dear. Oh, and don't forget, in case of emergency,
02:49Aunt Martha's number is in the phonebook.
02:51You told us. Good-bye, Mom. Have a ball.
02:53Mom, down with that speech, Papa.
02:55I'll do my best, honey.
02:56Oh, and we're going to be at the Cumberland Hotel now.
02:58Do you want me to write it down?
02:59She wrote it down four times.
03:00All right, sweetheart.
03:01Okay, now don't worry. There's not a thing to worry about.
03:03Yeah, the warden will take good care of us.
03:05That'll be just enough out of you, young man.
03:07You just keep busy and stay out of trouble.
03:10Which reminds me, that mess you made in the basement last week,
03:13I want you to quit stalling and get that cleaned up
03:15before we get back here tomorrow.
03:16Just put it out of your mind, Papa. He'll do it.
03:19Oh, and one other thing.
03:20Natalie, please, please.
03:22Oh, all right. Good-bye.
03:24Bye. Have a nice time.
03:25Take care of yourself now.
03:26Drive carefully. See ya.
03:29See, I told you Patty could handle Ross.
03:31She'll have a meeting out of her hand.
03:33You mean out of her fist, don't you?
03:34She seemed awfully rough on him.
03:36Yes, dear. Come on, let's get in the car.
03:38I'm sure Patty will handle him with kid gloves.
03:42What are these for?
03:43Time to go underground, little mole.
03:44Huh?
03:45The mess in the basement you were supposed to clean up, remember?
03:48No rush. I've got all weekend.
03:49Now, you're not gonna stall me like you do Mom and Papa.
03:52Get moving.
03:53Will you get off my back?
03:55Ross, I hate to pull rank,
03:56but if that job isn't done by this afternoon,
03:58there will be no dinner for you tonight.
04:00You mean you'd let me starve?
04:02Ross, I just had to put my foot down.
04:04Well, why on my neck?
04:06Look, Ross, if you expect me to slave over a hot stove all day,
04:09the least you can do is stop stalling and get to work.
04:12But I'm not stalling. I've got an appointment.
04:14To do what?
04:15To play chess with a guy.
04:16So if you'll excuse me...
04:17Wait a minute.
04:19You mean you invited somebody over here without telling me in advance?
04:22Why? So you could put him on the work squad, too?
04:25Ross, you're pressing me. You really are.
04:28Okay, we'll let the basement go. For now.
04:32But one thing I'm going to insist on
04:33is that you clean up your room before you start playing.
04:36Are you kidding?
04:37And let Billy think I'm the maid around here?
04:43Hi. I got the chessboard all set up.
04:45Great. Let's go.
04:47Ross?
04:50Remember what I said about cleaning up your room?
04:54Ross, did you hear me?
04:57Ross?
04:58Ross?
05:16Checkmate.
05:17Boy, are you ever off your game.
05:19Who can concentrate? It's like living in Stalag 17 around here.
05:22Oh, ten hut. Here comes the sergeant.
05:24Very funny.
05:25Bed not made.
05:26Shelves not in order.
05:29Room not dusted.
05:31Ross, what did I tell you about straightening up your room?
05:33I'll do it. I'll do it. Can't you see I'm busy right now?
05:36I'm warning you. I'll be back in five minutes
05:38and I'd better see some progress.
05:39Excuse me.
05:42Regular dictator.
05:44Today she rules the house, tomorrow the world.
05:48There'll only be two places for lunch, Kathy.
05:51Really, Patty, don't you think you're carrying this thing a little too far?
05:54If you'd been a sister as long as I have,
05:56you'd know the only way to a lazy brother is through his stomach.
06:00Well, it's D-Day H-Hour.
06:04That's no use. I just can't concentrate.
06:07Maybe I should give in and tidy up the room just a little.
06:10And let your sister think she's got the upper hand?
06:12Well, what else can I do?
06:13You've got to use a little muscle.
06:15Like what?
06:16Like the next time she pulls any of that jazz.
06:18Well, do what I do. Run away.
06:20Thanks a lot. I like it here.
06:22Well, I don't mean really run away.
06:24You just tell her you're going to run away.
06:26It's all a snow job.
06:28You don't know Patty. She doesn't bluff that easy.
06:30She will if she's anything like my sister.
06:32You tell her you're cutting out and she'll get so spooked
06:35she'll be eating out of your hand for the rest of the weekend.
06:38It's your move.
06:41Okay, I hate to do this in front of you, Billy, but I'm sorry.
06:43Hey!
06:44There will be no more games until this room is completely straightened up.
06:47Oh, yeah?
06:48Well, I'll tell you, Patty, if you don't lay off,
06:50I'm going to run away.
06:52Oh, really? Where?
06:54I don't know, but if you don't get off my back, I'm going to go someplace.
06:58Oh, well, suit yourself.
07:01Oh, well, and to prove there's no hard feelings,
07:04I'll make you a nice lunch.
07:09You and your big ideas. Now what do I do?
07:11You can't give in now. You've got to get through with it.
07:14Besides, she's just bluffing. You'll see.
07:17He's just bluffing. You'll see.
07:19May I have the liverwurst, please?
07:21Patty, don't you think you're pushing Ross a little too hard?
07:24Kathy, one of the first things you'll have to learn about bringing up children
07:28is that when they threaten you, you have to call their bluff.
07:30Well, what if he is serious? What if he does run away?
07:33He'll come back.
07:34How do you know?
07:35He hates liverwurst.
07:42I'm going.
07:44Pardon?
07:46I'm running away.
07:47Oh.
07:49Goodbye.
07:50Well, nice meeting you, Patty. I've got to get going.
07:53Oh, yes. Nice meeting you, too, Billy.
07:55Look, why don't you come back in a few days?
07:57Maybe I can give you Ross' new address.
08:08Well, I guess this is it.
08:10Mm-hmm.
08:11I'm going.
08:12Mm-hmm.
08:14See you around.
08:17Mm-hmm.
08:19Goodbye.
08:20Bye.
08:22See you around.
08:24You said that already.
08:26Yeah.
08:30Ross?
08:31Yeah?
08:34You forgot your sandwiches.
08:35Oh.
08:36Have a nice trip.
08:38Well, uh, goodbye.
08:39Goodbye.
08:40See you around.
08:41How are we going to start that again?
08:44Now, uh, don't you worry, and good luck, and be sure to write once a week.
08:50Yeah.
08:58Oh, hi.
09:00Hey, uh, I forgot a few things.
09:02Oh.
09:14Oh, good.
09:15The weather should be nice in Alaska this time of year.
09:22Oh, I'm so glad you're taking those.
09:24You might want to arrest a polar bear.
09:27This time I'm really going.
09:34I'm pretty sure I haven't forgotten anything.
09:36Well, if you have, we'll send it to you.
09:38Air freight.
09:40Happy skiing.
09:43Hello?
09:44Hello, dear.
09:45Oh, hi, Mom.
09:46Are you in Atlantic City already?
09:48Well, not quite, but we just thought we'd stop off and call.
09:51We thought.
09:52What I called about, dear, is if Mrs. Ellis phones, be sure to tell her that we'll be home by tomorrow evening.
09:57You told her that yourself yesterday?
09:59I did?
10:00Yeah.
10:01Oh, that's right.
10:02Well, anyway, as long as I have you on the phone, how is everything there?
10:06Oh, just fine, Mom.
10:08Ross isn't getting any calls?
10:11Oh, just fine, Mom.
10:12Ross isn't giving you any trouble, is he?
10:14Oh, no. Handling him is like child's play.
10:17What did you have for lunch?
10:18Natalie, this is a toll call.
10:20But my three minutes aren't up.
10:22Let me say hello to Ross before I hang up.
10:24Ross?
10:25Yes, your brother.
10:27Oh, Ross!
10:29Yeah, I'll get him.
10:31I hope.
10:34Ross!
10:35Oh.
10:36I knew it.
10:37You want me to come back?
10:38I don't care what you do, but Mom is on the phone, so get on the phone and tell her you're fine.
10:46Hey, you know what Patty did?
10:47She packed me a lunch and then...
10:49What he meant, Mom, was I made him some delicious sandwiches for lunch.
10:52She threw me out of the house!
10:54What did Ross say?
10:56Patty, you're not being too hard on him, are you?
10:58Oh, no, no, Mom. I'm treating him just as you would.
11:01Don't believe her!
11:03Well, goodbye, dear, and don't forget to...
11:06Natalie.
11:07Keep up the good work.
11:09Yeah, Mom, I will. Goodbye!
11:10Don't hang up, Mom!
11:11Mom!
11:12Ross, sit down.
11:14What for?
11:15I think we should have a little talk.
11:17Oh, boy.
11:18Someday you're going to make somebody a terrible mother.
11:21But couldn't you be so immature?
11:22You know I wouldn't let you run away.
11:24Why not?
11:25You've always wanted my bedroom.
11:26That's beside the point.
11:27How do you think Mom and Pop would feel if you told them that I let you run away?
11:31I don't know. Why don't we ask them?
11:32Let's see.
11:34They're not there yet, and they won't be there for hours.
11:37Okay, I'll call after six.
11:38The rates are cheaper, and I can complain twice as long.
11:41You wouldn't dare.
11:43Oh, yes, I would.
11:44Ross, that's not fair.
11:46Um, couldn't we work this out together?
11:49Uh, you mean you'd do anything just so they wouldn't find out?
11:52Well, of course. They're depending on me.
11:55Okay, well, I'm a reasonable man.
11:57You treat me right, and they'll never have to know anything.
12:03I can start by hanging up all my junk.
12:06My snowshoe, my coat.
12:09Oh, yes, my handcuffs.
12:12And then, uh, also, I can unpack my bag and clean up my room.
12:18You know, this might turn out to be a pretty nice weekend after all.
12:34Good morning.
12:36Or should I say good afternoon?
12:39Please knock.
12:44Well, here you are.
12:46Breakfast in bed, just as you ordered.
12:50I see. Now, toast, honey, jam.
12:53You forgot the peanut butter.
12:55Oh, I am sorry. I'll go get it.
12:59Hold it.
13:00What's this?
13:03Scrambled eggs.
13:04I hate scrambled eggs.
13:07No buts. Fry them.
13:10Ross, I am not going to...
13:11Yeah?
13:13Take longer than a minute to fry your eggs.
13:16And I'd like chocolate milk, not plain.
13:21Yes, dear. Will there be anything else?
13:25I'll let you know.
13:27That does it. Get your own breakfast.
13:29Okay, I will.
13:32Down at the bus station.
13:34Now, wait a minute, Ross. I was only kidding.
13:37I'll have your fried eggs in a minute.
13:39And your chocolate milk and peanut butter.
13:44You just can't find decent help these days.
13:47I'm telling you, Kathy, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day
13:50with that little ankle-biter ordering me around.
13:53I don't think it's safe for me to go over to Lori's and study.
13:57Are you sure you don't want to be around for protection?
13:59I'm sure. There's no point in two of us living under the whip.
14:02Hey, let's get with those eggs.
14:04Let's have a little service around here.
14:07Why are you letting him blackmail you?
14:09Because I don't want to let the folks down.
14:11And you're afraid he'll run away again.
14:13That's right. And this time he'd stay just to spite me, the little fink.
14:18I'm sorry, Patty. It's ruining your whole weekend being chained to Ross like this.
14:22Yeah, it's one big drag.
14:26Hey, Kathy, that's it.
14:30Well, goodbye. Have a good time and tell Lori I said hi.
14:46I told you, knock.
14:48Here's your breakfast. And if you don't like it, you can go down and make your own.
14:51And then you can clean up your room and get on the basement like your father told you to.
14:55You'll never learn, will you?
14:57And if you think I'm just threatening this time.
14:59Oh, I don't think you're just threatening.
15:00And you're going to let me run away?
15:02No, I didn't say that.
15:03Try and stop me.
15:07Oh, boy. If you don't rate some kind of prize for this.
15:10Pretty clever, huh?
15:11Just about as clever as I was two years ago when I lost the key.
15:16Oh, boy.
15:20Uh, hello. Is this the Eagle Locksmith?
15:22Oh, good. I wonder if you could make a house call. You see, I'm stuck...
15:27Yeah, I know it's Sunday, but this is an emergency.
15:32Well, that's all for five.
15:36Look, if you're going to turn, would you at least make a hand signal or something?
15:39I'm sorry. There's got to be some way out of this thing.
15:43Hey, do we have a hackney saw?
15:44That's hacksaw. No, we don't.
15:45Well, let's go buy one.
15:47The stores are closed.
15:50Then let's go borrow one from the Marlowe's. Will you take it easy?
15:54Brothers and sisters should be close, but this is ridiculous.
16:05For inspiration, today's progressive journalist has only to look to the...
16:08There's no answer.
16:10Oh, well, maybe they went out.
16:11Out where? They weren't planning to go out.
16:13Then they made an unplanned trip.
16:15Today's progressive journalist has only to look to the dynamic founders of this great nation of ours.
16:22Nobody was home?
16:23Oh, don't worry about it, dear. They probably just went out to the market.
16:26Yeah, probably.
16:28Let's see.
16:29In the same way that our forefathers dedicated themselves to principle, regardless of personal consequence...
16:34You sure you have the right number?
16:36I think I should know my own phone number.
16:38I guess.
16:39We must dedicate and rededicate our efforts.
16:42Only in a decadent society is the pursuit of personal...
16:45Why would they go to the market? You left plenty of food.
16:48Honey, will you stop worrying?
16:50Who's worried?
16:53Personal gain, at all costs, so common as to be considered a run-of-the-mill attitude.
17:00You know, Natalie, I think you ought to call again just to make sure you got the right number.
17:05And I think you should concentrate on your speech.
17:07How can I concentrate when you're obviously so worried about the children?
17:15Uh-oh.
17:17Fine time the models picked to go to the mountains.
17:19We gotta find a hacksaw.
17:21How about St. St. Prison?
17:23Look, Ross, I got enough trouble with your wrist. I don't need any of your lip.
17:28Where are you going?
17:30Get a glass of water.
17:31You mind using the other hand? I'm not thirsty.
17:40Hello?
17:41Hello, dear. How are you?
17:43Oh, just fine, Mom. Just fine.
17:45We're not fine. We're welcome.
17:47What's that?
17:48Oh, nothing, Mom. What'd you say?
17:50Where were you? We called and there wasn't any answer.
17:52Oh, we were out.
17:53Yes, we were out.
17:54Oh, we were out.
17:55Yes, we were out.
17:56Yes, we were out.
17:57Yes, we were out.
17:58Yes, we were out.
17:59Yes, we were out.
18:00Yes, we were out.
18:01Yes, looking for a saw.
18:02We were out looking for a saw?
18:04No, no, what he meant was we were out and we were looking and we finally saw what we were looking for.
18:11No, she's not telling the truth.
18:14What did Ross say?
18:16Nothing, Mom. You know what a put-on he is.
18:19How'd the speech go?
18:21Oh, your father was a big hit. Here, I'll let you talk to him.
18:25Thanks.
18:27Hi, honey. How are you? How's everything going?
18:29Just fine, Poppa.
18:31Uh, Ross isn't getting out of hand, is he?
18:33Oh, no, no. That's one thing he's not doing.
18:37Can I talk to him for a moment?
18:39Uh, well, he's kind of tied up right now.
18:43Oh, has he done anything about that basement?
18:46Well, not really.
18:48Well, you tell him that if that isn't finished by the time we get home tonight, it's going to cost him a month's allowance.
18:53Oh, okay, I'll tell him. Bye, Poppa.
18:57Tell me what?
18:59That if you don't get that basement cleaned up by the time they get home, it's going to cost you a month's allowance.
19:04Not when I tell him why I couldn't do it.
19:06Ross, that's a lie!
19:08It is not. Just a gross exaggeration.
19:10I beg you to do it all day yesterday. You have no right to blame it on me.
19:14Do you see anybody else I can blame it on?
19:18Okay. Okay.
19:20Rather than have you lie about it, we'll both clean up the basement.
19:24Come on.
19:34Oh, what a mess.
19:36Yeah, well, let's get started.
19:42Let's use our heads, huh?
19:43Yeah.
19:45Come on.
19:55Oh!
19:57That's using our heads.
20:12We're not getting any place like this.
20:14You think you can sweep better? Here, try.
20:18Sorry.
20:25Well, won't you sit there and give me a hand?
20:27Which one?
20:29Take the shovel out of your left hand.
20:31Yeah.
20:32Put it in your right hand.
20:34Very good.
20:35Now put your left hand on the broom.
20:40Now sweep.
20:43Now sweep.
20:45Now sweep.
20:47Now sweep.
20:49Now sweep.
20:50Now sweep.
20:51Now sweep.
20:52Now sweep.
20:54Now sweep.
21:00There, that's enough.
21:03See, Ross? It's all up here.
21:08No comment.
21:11Ross, just remember, this is your job. I'm only cooperating.
21:15Really? Could have fooled me.
21:19We've got to get out of these ridiculous handcuffs.
21:21Hey, wait a minute. I think I got an idea.
21:23My chemistry set, it's got to be in here someplace.
21:25Are you out of your tree?
21:27What do you want to play with your chemistry set now for?
21:29You don't understand. I've got sulfuric acid in that set.
21:32So what?
21:33It'll get us out of these handcuffs.
21:34It will? How?
21:35Well, you see, sulfuric acid is very powerful.
21:38It'll eat right through the metal.
21:40No kidding.
21:41Yeah, that stuff will eat through anything.
21:43Including people.
21:45Oh.
21:46Sorry about that.
21:48There we go. Keep moving.
21:50Keep moving. You get back there.
21:52Okay. There.
21:55Well, you can't say I didn't help you.
21:57Don't think it makes any difference.
21:58I'm still going to tell them how you tried to make me run away.
22:00Oh.
22:01Boy.
22:02Wait till they hear what...
22:11Oh, boy.
22:12You okay?
22:13By the time I get through bandaging,
22:15by the time I get through band for that,
22:17I'll have to file bankruptcy.
22:19It's not really your fault, Ross.
22:21I should have warned you that the thing wasn't steady.
22:25You're willing to take the rap?
22:27Why?
22:28Well, let's look at it this way.
22:31My allowance is bigger than yours and I can afford it.
22:34You mean you'd do that for me after all I put you through?
22:38You know what you are, Patty.
22:39You're the greatest sister a guy could have.
22:41Well.
22:42Of course, Mom and Papa won't believe that
22:44after you tell them that I was going to let you run away.
22:46Who's going to say anything like that?
22:48You're not?
22:49Why would I rat on the only sister I've got?
22:52Thanks, Ross.
22:53Look, I could have been her heart for the rest of my life,
22:55but thanks to you, I'm off the hook.
22:58Hey.
22:59We're free.
23:01That must be Mom and Papa. Let's go.
23:02Hey, wait a minute.
23:04You know, Patty, you're the greatest.
23:07Haven't I been telling you that for years?
23:13How many people were there?
23:14Oh, thousands. Literally thousands.
23:16Literally 300.
23:17Wow.
23:18So your speech was a gas, huh? Lots of applause?
23:20Oh, I guess you might say I got a sitting ovation.
23:23I'm glad to see you two got along well.
23:25Oh, yeah, yeah.
23:26Ross wasn't any trouble at all.
23:28You see, I told you there was nothing to worry about.
23:31Yeah, you might say this weekend brought us a lot closer together, huh, Ross?
23:36Ross?
23:38No.
23:40No.
23:42Patty, I can't help it. I just gotta come clean.
23:44Ross.
23:46The truth is, I faked out.
23:48You know those dishes in the basement?
23:51Well, I broke them. All of them.
23:53Really?
23:54But don't worry, I'll pay for it. Every last cent.
23:57Ross, now you really...
23:58Patty, I did it. I'll take the rap.
24:01Dad, you know that raise you were gonna give me and my allowance?
24:04Well, maybe you just better keep it and take it out of that.
24:06And if that's not enough, I'll give up my lunches at school.
24:09And you may as well forget about my birthday and Christmas.
24:12Ross, nobody's asking you to pay for it.
24:16You're not?
24:17Of course not.
24:18It was just some old junk Patty and I were saving for the PTA white elephant sale.
24:22Yeah, but it was my fault that...
24:25White elephant sale?
24:27But I thought that...
24:28Why didn't you tell me?
24:30You didn't ask.
24:31See, Ross, you'd save yourself a lot of problems if you just confide in your sister once in a while.
24:35That's right, Bobo. I mean, what are sisters for, hmm?
25:02But they're cousins
25:05Identical cousins
25:07And you'll find
25:09They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:11At times they even talk alike
25:14You can lose your mind
25:16When cousins
25:19Are two of a kind