Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Come ride the little train that is rollin' down the tracks to the junction Forget about
00:12your cares, it is time to relax at the junction Lots of curves, you bet, even more when you're
00:23gettin' to the junction
00:26Petticoat Junction
00:31There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction
00:36Petticoat Junction
00:38It is run by Kate, come and be her guest at the junction
00:43Petticoat Junction
00:45And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow at the junction
00:49Petticoat Junction
00:57Petticoat Junction
01:19Good morning, Mr. Blake, did you have a good night's sleep?
01:21Are you kidding? With those mosquitoes dive-bombing me all night?
01:25No, we're having unusually warm weather
01:27You also have unusually large mosquitoes
01:30Did you ever hear of screens?
01:32Oh, yes, sir, we're getting new ones today
01:34Bobby Joe and Mr. Blake need some coffee
01:36What I really need is a transfusion
01:42Hey, you know something?
01:44You got some crazy hummingbirds around this hotel
01:47Hummingbirds?
01:48Yeah, they kept flying in my window last night, stabbing me with those long beaks
01:53We're getting new screens today
01:54Well, either that or get me a hungry cat
02:00Good morning, Mr. Gordon
02:01Morning
02:02Man, I can't decide which of these sisters is prettier
02:05I see what you mean
02:07Hey, how would you girls like to double date tonight?
02:09Double date?
02:11Yeah, just the three of us
02:15How about some breakfast?
02:16Uh, yes, sir, right away
02:18And fry up some of those mosquitoes
02:20Will there be new screens today, Mr. Blake?
02:22So I keep hearing
02:23Well, we're having very unusual weather
02:25Very unusual weather, I know
02:30You think they're gonna check out?
02:32Not if we get those new screens up today
02:34Well, you better put an extra pan of bacon on the stove
02:37A good breakfast will help take their mind off the mosquitoes
02:40Yeah, okay
02:41Train's in, Mom
02:43Are the screens on it?
02:44Must be
02:45Floyd said there's something in the baggage car for us
02:47Oh, at last
02:50Why aren't you down there helping unload them?
02:52Uncle Joe sent me away
02:53Said he'd rather handle it himself
02:55Oh, that's a lot of nonsense
02:56The more hands, the faster
02:58It...
02:59I'll tell you
03:00Bobby and Billy can handle the breakfast
03:02And you and I will go help unload those beautiful new screens
03:08With new screens, they don't get extra bacon
03:19Hey, Billy
03:20You know something?
03:21That Mr. Gordon's cute
03:22But he's kind of a wolf
03:24Yeah, I know
03:25And I worry about you being in there alone
03:27Here
03:36Uncle Joe?
03:37I'll start carrying up the screens, Mom
03:39Yes, dear
03:40Betty Joy
03:41Two new salesmen?
03:42Well, more like one
03:44Well, one's better than none
03:45Where is he?
03:46Hey, you might say he's standing right here
03:49Oh, you're a salesman now
03:50Well, not exactly, no
03:52Technically, it's more like a franchised agent
03:54Oh, fine
03:55Well, you tell me all about it while we carry up the screens, huh?
03:57Okay
03:58Huh?
03:59The screens didn't come
04:01Oh, no
04:03Well
04:04That's the last time that I order screens through a magazine ad
04:08They said that if I would mail the money in advance
04:11That they would guarantee delivery with the...
04:13You did send the money, didn't you, Uncle Joe?
04:15Oh, sure I did
04:17Well, it's the last $70 we had in the world
04:20In fact, it's Billy Joe's college money
04:22Oh, I know that, Kay
04:24Uncle Joe?
04:26Tell me you didn't spend that money
04:29I didn't
04:31Oh
04:32I invested it
04:33Oh, and what?
04:36What's in those suitcases?
04:38144 cans of Lord and Lady Violet cologne
04:41You call that an investment?
04:43Well, wouldn't you?
04:44You put out $70, you get back 140
04:46And maybe more
04:48I think I better sit down
04:50That's a good idea
04:52I'll explain finance to you
04:53Before you do that
04:55Explain what we're going to do about the mosquitoes coming up from the swamp
04:58That are biting us out of business
05:00Well, that's simple
05:01We'll leave the windows closed
05:03You see, I'm...
05:04Uncle Joe, this is the hottest Indian summer we've had in 50 years
05:08You didn't let me finish
05:09You see, when I double or maybe triple your money on that cologne
05:12We can air condition this entire hotel
05:15Uncle Joe?
05:20I couldn't find any screens, Mom
05:22But these were down by the track
05:24Another 144 cans?
05:27288 cans of little pressurized money makers
05:31This is only the first shipment
05:33And I talked them into giving me the exclusive franchise for this whole half of the state
05:37Honey, run quick to the kitchen
05:39And tell Billy Joe to fry up some extra bacon
05:44Uncle Joe, how could this happen?
05:47I can't take all the credit, Kate
05:49It must have been the hand of destiny
05:51That put that ad for screens right next to this glorious opportunity
05:54That I'd been looking for all my life
05:56Here, read this
05:57My eyes are too full of tears
05:59I get misty-eyed too
06:01When I think of all the money that's going to come rolling in
06:03I'm thinking of the money that's gone rolling out
06:06Billy Joe's college money
06:08I'll send that girl to one of the best colleges in the country
06:11Listen to this
06:12How Mr. A.J. Simmons of Lamar, Missouri
06:15Earns $90 a week in his spare time
06:19As franchise agent for Lord and Lady Violet Cologne
06:22Did you hear that, Kate?
06:24That's just in his spare time
06:25I'm going to work full time
06:27That'll be $200, $300 a week more
06:29Uncle Joe, let's go have some breakfast
06:32Not for me, I got work to do
06:34I got sales campaigns to organize
06:36Distribution to map out
06:37Bookkeeping to set up
06:39Kate, can't you just hear opportunity knocking?
06:42Hear it?
06:44I got a splitting headache from it
06:49She's a fine little woman
06:51She just don't understand business
07:03Billy?
07:05You know why Mom's so worried about the screens not coming?
07:08Sure, she's afraid those salesmen are going to check out
07:10No, more than that
07:11We're going to have royalty staying right here
07:15Royalty?
07:17Uncle Joe says the Shady Rest Hotel
07:19Is going to be the headquarters of Lord and Lady Violet
07:23Well, why didn't he tell me about him?
07:25Well, he went tearing off before I could ask
07:27He said he had to practice his presentation
07:30Well, we've got some practicing to do
07:32If we're going to be presented to royalty
07:34Uh, here, bend
07:38Your ladyship
07:42Charmed, Your Grace
07:46Good morning, ladies
07:48Could I have a moment of your time
07:49To introduce Lord and Lady Violet?
07:52They're here
07:54Uncle Joe, you should have told us
07:56Was there a mess?
07:57Quiet, girls, you're making me forget my speech
07:59Has romance disappeared from your lives?
08:02Has your husband and boyfriend lost interest in you?
08:05Let Lady Violet bring back that gleam in his eye
08:09And for the man in your life
08:11We have a rugged, masculine fragrance
08:13Lord Violet
08:14Yes, girls, promise him anything
08:16But give him
08:17Uncle Joe, what in the world are you talking about?
08:19I'm talking about that new fragrance
08:21That set all London to talking
08:23There's Lady Violet Cologne for females
08:25And Lord Violet Cologne for males
08:27Cologne?
08:28This ain't ordinary cologne, lady
08:30Lord and Lady Violet represent a startling new breakthrough
08:33In the field of smell
08:37Hey, you
08:40What's brewing?
08:42Nothing, Mother, it must be Uncle Joe's cologne
08:46That's the smell you're hoping to get money for?
08:49Now, Kate, the kitchen ain't exactly the place
08:51To demonstrate a subtle fragrance
08:53Come on outside in the clear, pure, fresh air
08:56And let Lady Violet have a fair shake
08:58I've got plenty shook right here
08:59I don't need another whiff
09:01Well, now, come on
09:02Uncle Joe
09:03Uncle Joe, I really, I don't want any
09:09Oh, Kate, stop clowning
09:10Who's clowning?
09:11I don't want that stuff in my kitchen
09:13Kate, you haven't even smelled Lord Violet from in yet
09:16It doesn't matter, they all...
09:18Whee!
09:22Oh, Mom, it can't be as bad as all the...
09:25Ooh!
09:27Where did Uncle Joe get it?
09:28I don't know
09:29Ask A.J. Simmons of Lamar, Missouri
09:32Who's A.J. Simmons?
09:33Is he a friend of Uncle Joe's?
09:34Yeah, you bet he is
09:35A.J. Simmons makes $90 a week just in his spare time
09:39He doesn't even have to budge out of Lamar, Missouri
09:41He better not if he knows what's good for him
09:44Mother just doesn't understand business
09:47Understand this business
09:48Now, you pack up all 288 cans of this stuff
09:51And we're taking them into Sam Drucker's store
09:55Hey, now you're catching on, Kate
09:57That's a good idea
09:59I'll franchise Drucker for Hooterville
10:09What do you mean sell to Drucker for 25 cents a can?
10:12That's what I paid for it
10:15All I want to do is get Billy Joe's college money back
10:19So I can buy new screens
10:21Kate, you still don't understand profit and loss
10:24If you sell at cost, it's bad business
10:26It's bad cologne
10:28No, but sales-wise and market-wise
10:30If you ain't got a markup, you take a beating profit-wise
10:32You're already taking a beating mosquito-wise
10:45Howdy, Kate
10:47Joe?
10:48Well, I don't know
10:49I'm satisfied with the brand of coffee I've been selling
10:52Yeah, but Mr. Drucker
10:53These are better coffee beans
10:54They're aged
10:55So am I
10:56Can't say it helped me any
10:58Now, if you'll excuse me
10:59I've got a couple of my favorite customers to wait on
11:01Mind if I check your stock in the back room?
11:03No, go right ahead
11:04Well, what'll it be, folks?
11:06Well, to tell you the truth, Sam
11:08We're not buying today
11:09We're selling
11:10You, Kate?
11:13You, Kate?
11:14You're selling?
11:15Well, Uncle Joe and I together are
11:17Against my better business judgment
11:20What is it you're selling
11:21Against your better business judgment?
11:23Show him, Uncle Joe
11:25Lord or lady?
11:27Both
11:29Which one first?
11:36Hold it, Sam
11:38Now, before you open that
11:39I want to ask you a question
11:40Shoot
11:41Well, this may be a shot in the dark
11:43But did you ever make the acquaintance of an A.J. Simmons
11:46In Lamar, Missouri?
11:48Who's he?
11:49Never mind, Sam
11:50Your time's valuable
11:51We don't want to waste it
11:52Hey, Kate
11:55Ah, hey, I remember this stuff
11:57Lord Violet?
11:58No, cologne
11:59I stopped six bottles of it in 1934
12:02Got five left
12:03One broke
12:07That's the beauty of Lord Violet
12:08Comes in the new unbreakable spray can
12:10Oh, yeah
12:12Hey, it's got that push-button gizmo
12:14I wouldn't do that, Sam
12:16Why not?
12:17Well, you don't want to waste one precious puff of Lord Violet
12:21The rugged masculine fragrance that drives women crazy
12:25I'll go along with that
12:27Excuse me
12:28Did I hear somebody talking about Lord Violet?
12:30Yeah, why?
12:31Well, that's the first line I ever represented
12:33Lord and Lady Violet Cologne
12:36I was only 12 years old
12:37Answered an ad in a magazine
12:39Something about how Mr. A.J. Simmons of Lamar, Missouri
12:43earned $40 a week in his spare time
12:45You hear that, Kate?
12:46$40 then, now it's up to $90
12:48We're not selling to Sam Drucker for cost
12:50We got a gold mine here
12:51Just a minute, I'll put you on
12:53How well did you do with Lord and Lady Violet?
12:56Well, I got my folks a new car out of it
12:59And you were only 12 years old?
13:01Yeah, a bottle of it exploded in their car
13:03and stunk it up so bad they had to buy a new one
13:06Oh, don't listen to this salesman, Sam
13:09Just professional jealousy
13:11Oh, why should I be jealous? I don't sell cologne
13:14Yeah, you bet you don't
13:15This is our territory
13:17Forget it, Uncle Joe
13:19$70 wouldn't have started Billy Joan College anyway
13:22And as for the screens, we'll buy the guests fly swatters
13:25and hope for cooler weather
13:27Bye, Sam
13:28Now you're talking, Kate
13:29We can sell that cologne for $2 a can minimum
13:33Uh, uh, Kate
13:36Wait a minute
13:38You got $70 tied up in this cologne?
13:41Yeah, plus two of mine
13:42But take it too gross, I got it for 25 cents a can
13:45Pretty shrewd buying, eh, Sam?
13:47Yes, it was. You cornered the market
13:49And that's bad for my business
13:51Listen, Kate
13:52Will you sell me the whole lot of it for $75?
13:56No thanks, Sam
13:58You bet no thanks
14:00He'd sell it for $2 a can
14:02What's the, uh, 288 cans that it comes to?
14:05Well, it'd come to a lot
14:07We might as well have it
14:08Listen, Kate
14:09Will you take $80?
14:12Thanks anyway, Sam
14:14Yeah, thanks for what?
14:16Stealing the money out of our pocket?
14:21Here's the train
14:22Let's get back to the hotel
14:31Thanks
14:33Kate, you get on back to the hotel
14:36I'm going to start house to house here in Hoonerville
14:38A couple of hundred dollars worth of daylight selling time left
14:41You're going to sell 144 cans here in Hoonerville?
14:45There aren't that many people
14:47After I saturate this burg
14:49I'm going to hit a few farms on the way back
14:51You're going to walk all the way back to the hotel with those heavy bags?
14:54Well, they won't be heavy for long
14:56And paper money don't weigh much
15:00Okay, I'll see you back at the hotel
15:09Melon weed, Drucker
15:10This stuff's going to put you out of business
15:14You're not kidding
15:30A few hours later
15:50Take it easy, kid
15:51You're knocking yourself out
15:53Uh, I don't mind
15:55What happened to your helpers?
15:56Yeah, well, those big sisters of yours disappeared too
15:59They're waiting for the train
16:01Mother may be on it
16:03Those screens better be on it or I'll meet it on the way back
16:11Why don't you gentlemen come inside where the mosquitoes won't bother you?
16:19You know, she's got a point there
16:21The big ones couldn't get through the door
16:23Let's give it a try
16:24It's cooler in there too
16:26And I'll fix you some nice, cool lemonade
16:29Let's see if you can find those nice, cool sisters of yours
16:37Thank you, boys
16:38Edith, did you have any luck, Mom?
16:40Looks like you sold two cases
16:41Did Mr. Drucker buy them?
16:42How much did you get?
16:43Hey, where's Uncle Joe?
16:44Let's sit down a minute, girls, and I'll answer your questions
16:49Now, starting with the last one, where's Uncle Joe?
16:52He's between here and Hooderville
16:53trying to peddle 144 cans of, um, pressurized disappointment
17:02What do you say, Fred?
17:03How many cans of Lord Violet can it put you down for?
17:06Well, I'll tell you, Joe
17:08The man in my line of business ain't got too much need for cologne
17:15Get me, get me
17:17Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it
17:23Say, Fred, has it ever occurred to you
17:26that a pig farmer might be among those most likely to offend?
17:31Offend who?
17:32Whoever he meets up with
17:34Well, a pig farmer meets up with the pig buyers
17:36They ain't no more fragrant than we are
17:38Get over there, Alice
17:39Let the birdie have some of that slop
17:41There you are
17:42Yeah, well, now about this cologne
17:44You could set a style
17:46You'll go to market just once not smelling like a pig
17:49You'll go to market just once not smelling like a pig
17:52All the others will want to jump on the bandwagon
17:55You don't seem to get the point
17:58A good pig man don't care
18:00He's got the smell of pigs in his blood
18:03I'm giving you an opportunity to get it out
18:05Here, I'll give you a free whiff
18:08Lord Violet
18:09No, ain't it...
18:10Look how that fits the hand
18:12All you gotta do is just press that button like this
18:14Uh-huh
18:15How do you like it?
18:17How do you like it?
18:19It ain't bad, is it?
18:21You better sign up for a dozen cans right now
18:23Not run the risk of me running out
18:25How much are they?
18:27Well, now they retail in the city for $2 a can
18:30Good-bye
18:31Now, wait a minute, this ain't the city
18:33For you, Fred, 50 cents a can?
18:37Well, that's more like it
18:39But I don't need a dozen cans
18:41Half a dozen cans
18:43Well...
18:48Well...
18:55What do they know?
18:57They're only pigs
18:59Might be only pigs to you
19:01But to me and my wife, they're bread and butter
19:03Give them time to adjust to it
19:05No, I'm sorry, I'm not interested
19:08Well, where are you going, Fred?
19:09I'm going to the house and take a bath
19:11Well, here, take this Lord Violet with you
19:13Ruthie likes it as well as you
19:14You might want to change your mind about it
19:17No chance
19:18If I got to choose between my wife and the pigs
19:20I'll have to take the pigs
19:21Wait a minute, Fred
19:23How's Ruthie been looking to you lately?
19:27What do you mean?
19:28I mean, has she got that old charm, that sparkle, that excitement?
19:32Uh, frankly, no
19:34Buddy
19:37Right here in this suitcase
19:39I've got 72 cans of instant romance
19:42Lady Violet
19:43If you let Ruthie sprinkle a little of this on
19:44And you can't resist her
19:45You'll be powerless to resist her
19:47You'll grab her in your arms
19:48You'll smother her with kisses
19:50Now, how many, how many cans are you going to want?
19:53You open that thing and I'll take this stick to you
19:56What?
19:57Ruthie's a good cook and a hard worker
20:00But there's the ugliest woman the Lord ever let loose
20:07Mom
20:08If we don't do something real quick
20:10Mr. Blake and Mr. Gordon are going to check out
20:12Oh, dear
20:13I don't want to lose their business, their crackerjack salesman
20:16Mom, I've got an idea
20:18If anyone can sell Lord and Lady Violet cologne, it's those two
20:21Well, I'm sure of that, honey
20:22But how do we sell it to them?
20:24Oh, I know how to do that
20:25You sit down
20:27Now, listen, Mom
20:28Now, Mr. Gordon is sort of a wolf
20:29And he's always asking Bobby and me for dates
20:31I know, I know
20:33Listen, I've got an idea
20:34Will you come sit down?
20:37Are we all alone?
20:39Just you and me and the mosquitoes and I'm getting out
20:43If I'm going to be a donor, I'd rather give it to the Red Cross
20:53Checking out, Mr. Blake?
20:55Screen's come?
20:57Not yet
20:58I'm checking out
21:01Oh, please, Mr. Gordon
21:03We're talking about something very important
21:05Listen, Billie
21:06What kind of cologne was this salesman wearing?
21:08It was called Lord Violet
21:10Oh, I heard that makes a man absolutely irresistible
21:12Oh, does it ever
21:14Gee, I wish I knew a boy who wore Lord Violet cologne
21:17You do, yeah
21:18Well, what happened?
21:19Anyway, Mother caught us necking on the porch
21:21Billie, he wasn't even good looking
21:23I couldn't help myself
21:24He was wearing Lord Violet cologne
21:26Oh, dear
21:27He wasn't even good looking
21:28I couldn't help myself
21:29He was wearing Lord Violet
21:31What happened after Mom caught you?
21:33Mother ordered him away
21:34But he left me two suitcases full of Lord and Lady Violet as a present
21:37Oh, Billie
21:39You can sell it and make a fortune
21:42I never thought of that
21:44Where is it?
21:45It's around on the porch
21:46I didn't want Mom to see it
21:47Oh, come on
21:53Come on, Kate, will you?
21:55Oh, are you sure you won't stay for supper?
21:58We're having fried chicken
21:59Look, by supper, I'll be too weak to fight the mosquitoes, Ford
22:03Will you hurry up so I won't miss my train?
22:08All right, now, let's talk business
22:10You say it's sold for a dollar a can
22:12That's what I heard
22:13How much for the whole works?
22:15Gee, I don't know anything at all about business
22:17How about 50 bucks?
22:1890
22:1960
22:2080
22:2170
22:22Sold
22:24Hey, Jim
22:25I'm taking on a brand new line
22:28Oh, that Lord and Lady Violet cologne
22:32Heard of it?
22:33Mr. Blake, you're going to miss your train
22:35Heard of it?
22:37You know, when I was a little kid, I read an ad in a magazine
22:40Some guff about a fellow named, uh...
22:42Simmons
22:43Simmons
22:46Making 25 to 30 dollars a week selling this junk, so I bit
22:52Never made a sale
22:54The smell got on my clothes
22:55I couldn't get near a customer close enough to make my pitch
22:59Even my own dog bit me
23:02The girls say it's great
23:04Maybe they've changed it, improved it
23:06If they've changed it, they've improved it
23:10Stand back, girls
23:15Look, it killed him
23:18No, it didn't, he's still breathing
23:21No, I mean the mosquito
23:24Look, there goes another one
23:25And another one
23:26And another
23:28My goodness, they're dropping like flies
23:31I mean mosquitoes
23:33Give me that
23:37Hey, look at him fall
23:42How about that?
23:43Man, it really stones him
23:44Give me back my insecticide
23:47I've got the hottest new item here since DDT
23:52Hey, girls, could you give me a hand?
23:56Hey, two more cases, these are mine
23:59Oh, no they're not
24:00Are these full?
24:01All 144 cans
24:03I'll give you 75 bucks for both of them
24:05I'll make it 80
24:0685
24:0790
24:08100 dollars
24:09Sold
24:10There you go
24:11Hey, Jim
24:12Wait a minute
24:13Jim
24:14Let's make a deal, we'll split the territory
24:17Hey, hey, look what I just did
24:20Sold out for 100 bucks
24:21I told you that was good cologne
24:23And I still got half my stock left
24:25Oh, no you haven't
24:26Billy Jo sold the other two cases for 70
24:3070
24:32She just lost me 30 bucks
24:34When are you women going to learn you don't belong in business?
24:37Well, now I'll leave these things to me
24:40Yes, Uncle Joe
24:42What's A.J. Simmons going to think?
24:44Yes, Uncle Joe
24:46I'll bet he hasn't got four females holding him back
24:49Yes, Uncle Joe
25:20Petticoat Junction
25:25This has been a Filmways presentation