Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 [music]
00:02 [music]
00:32 [door opening]
00:33 Oh, that's my ride!
00:35 Uncle Hank, can I borrow $22.50?
00:38 I need $8 for the movie and $2.50 for popcorn, then $10 for dinner, and I want to play the claw machine.
00:48 I would give up the popcorn to play the claw machine.
00:52 You know, Luanne, it would be a lot less irritating to give you a round number every now and then than hearing about every little thing you wanted to buy.
01:02 Can I have $300?
01:05 Look, here's $60. Now, I lived for a month on $60 thanks to...
01:12 Hey guys, I got $60! [laughing]
01:16 You know, by letting Luanne live like this, we send out the message that it's okay.
01:21 [sigh] Maybe that's what's wrong with Bobby.
01:24 Now, I can buy an apple with confidence!
01:28 My Betsy left her job at the La Grana Hotel. She could put in a good word for Luanne.
01:33 What's the job?
01:34 Golf course drink girl.
01:35 Hmm.
01:36 I went to the La Grana once. It cost $8 just to park there. You get 200 washes for that.
01:45 400 at the Megalomart.
01:47 What's that supposed to mean?
01:49 Now, calm down, guys. This is why I shop here. It may cost more, but it's worth it.
01:56 Eight cents?
02:00 I've got a family.
02:03 Luanne, that's my helmet phone.
02:07 I'm sorry, but I can't just starve to death as convenient as that would be for you.
02:13 And you won't give me any more money because I spent everything you gave me last night.
02:18 But...
02:20 Well, you know what? It doesn't matter, because I found an exciting opportunity for you.
02:26 How would you like to be a golf course drink girl?
02:32 You'd have your own money.
02:35 My own money?
02:38 Nobody making me beg for every little penny like a dog.
02:42 Uh, yep. You'd show me, all right.
02:46 Oh, a golf course drink girl.
02:49 Hey, why not me?
02:51 That a girl?
02:53 I'll be my own boss.
02:55 Uh, no, you'll have a boss, but the tips are all under the table.
03:03 Uh, okay.
03:07 The golfers are cheap.
03:09 Oh, they think 'cause I'm a woman.
03:12 You're supposed to be Miss Mary Sunshine.
03:16 Well, to hell with that.
03:18 I had no idea you were a woman.
03:21 Just take these drinks out to seven.
03:23 As long as you can do basic math, you'll be fine.
03:30 Excuse me, did you order these drinks?
03:33 Yeah, but maybe I've had enough.
03:35 You look a lot better than you did 15 minutes ago.
03:39 I'll check my math so I know it's right.
03:44 Here you go.
03:46 Okay, I can do this.
03:49 Hey, it's all yours, as long as you don't let the sea hag bring our drinks anymore.
03:56 And we can eat what's left over from the buffet, and we get to use the kids' pool until 7 a.m.
04:01 Well, how do I get a job like that, huh?
04:04 Oh, Aunt Peggy, I don't know.
04:06 My mother drank girls of womanly rage, and the golfers don't like her.
04:10 I could be a golf course drink girl.
04:13 Is there anything else I can get you, gentlemen?
04:18 Bobby, don't let your father see you do that, honey.
04:21 I have to thank Uncle Hank.
04:24 What is the best possible present I could possibly get him?
04:27 Well, I always get him pants.
04:29 I got him socks one year.
04:31 Mm-mm, never again.
04:32 No, no, no, no, no, that's no good.
04:34 I have to get him something he really loves, something that'll just make him go, "Wow!"
04:45 I've noticed that Uncle Hank doesn't wear any jewelry, so I'm gonna get him some jewelry.
04:51 That's not what he needs.
04:53 I know a man who can remove Hank's fingerprints for him.
04:56 But believe me, pay the extra and get the $50 job.
05:01 I tell you what, man, I need a dang old electronic system.
05:05 I never got one of these, man. Check it out.
05:08 Okay, wake up and visit about 5, and then go out and have a beer,
05:12 and then go hang it out at the auto store,
05:14 and then come back and work a nap, and maybe do something like that.
05:18 Oh, man, it's a dang old Wednesday, man.
05:21 You know, Hank and me, we used to go bowling,
05:23 and I'd tell people we were brothers and he was better than me,
05:27 and he'd let me win sometimes, and we'd stay out way too late,
05:31 and maybe if you bought him another bowling ball, it'd be like before Peggy came.
05:40 What man doesn't like a nice soap or candle?
05:44 Oh, that bottle of Vicks is really expensive.
05:48 Why don't you get him a gift certificate?
05:50 There are lots of things at the hotel he can use.
05:53 I bought my husband a round of golf, and our love life has never been better.
06:00 Of course, that's it.
06:03 And she said I should buy him a round of golf, and then it was easy.
06:07 Oh, the way Hank loves golf.
06:10 A round of golf makes my presents look like, well, nothing.
06:13 Oh, no, Aunt Peg.
06:15 Of course it does.
06:16 No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.
06:19 Surprise!
06:21 Well, what's this?
06:23 I know it's not my birthday.
06:25 I didn't get my pants from Peggy.
06:34 Oh, my God.
06:36 Look at your face.
06:37 You thought it was a big box, but it's a small box.
06:42 Bet you know what they say about small packages.
06:45 It's a round of golf.
06:47 No, Bobby.
06:48 You know, the round of golf gave me the idea, but it's not--
06:51 A dolphin encounter?
06:53 That's right.
06:54 There's a dolphin in the pool at the hotel, and you can swim with it and touch it,
06:58 and it communes with you, and you can feed it dead fish.
07:03 Well, Luan, this sure was a thoughtful present, and it looks like you spent a lot of money on it.
07:10 And, hey, if I wanted to exchange it for that round of golf, I could do that, right?
07:15 But you wouldn't want to replace it.
07:19 It costs more than a round of golf, and I--
07:26 Oh, no.
07:28 Oh, my God.
07:31 Excuse me.
07:35 Well, somebody should go talk to Luan.
07:44 All right.
07:49 Well, hey, Luan, you know what?
07:51 I've never climbed into a pool with a big fish.
07:55 I guess it just never occurred to me, so maybe this dolphin confrontation would be something I'd be glad I had done after it was over.
08:05 It's an encounter.
08:07 Even better.
08:11 Come on, Hank.
08:21 Looks like you're going golfing.
08:23 Yeah, looks like.
08:25 Didn't know dolphins knew how to play golf.
08:31 Shut up, Dale.
08:38 I have a store that sells red skeleton paintings.
08:41 I am there.
08:43 Although I do not like his clowns.
08:46 Look at that brunch.
08:51 Prime rib for breakfast.
08:52 Wow, it's true.
08:54 I guess I owe Bill an apology.
08:56 Uncle Hank, it's time for your dolphin encounter orientation.
09:03 Boy, look at that beef.
09:07 I never get brunch.
09:09 To think of all the years I've wasted without capers.
09:14 They work with the salmon.
09:16 They work with the little pickles.
09:18 And I think they might work with fruit pies.
09:27 Hello.
09:28 What have we here?
09:33 A woman who is healed by dolphins told me angels are dolphins who haven't learned to swim.
09:39 People ask me how to approach these wise citations.
09:42 And I can only say be honest with them and they will share their secrets with you.
09:48 I'm going to load lights now so we can watch our video, A Dream of Dolphins.
09:57 I'm going to dive into the gentle sea to free the dolphin inside of me.
10:04 Uh-huh.
10:12 I don't want any photos.
10:14 Go take pictures of the golf course.
10:17 They can feel negative energy.
10:19 Relax.
10:25 Whoa.
10:34 Wow.
10:37 That was a mighty fine catch.
10:40 He kind of feels like rubber.
10:43 Hold on to Duke's fin.
10:46 Let him take you.
10:49 Hey, look at me.
11:10 Hey, Luanne, this isn't as asinine as I thought.
11:19 Boy, I tell you what, this is one -- just a second, Duke.
11:25 Hey, cut it out.
11:32 What's going on?
11:34 There's nothing wrong, but maybe you should get out of the pool immediately.
11:42 What do I do?
11:43 Have fun.
11:44 Get the manager out here.
11:55 How's this?
11:56 Well, that is perfect.
11:59 Now, wait, wait, one with the flash just to be safe.
12:09 Excuse me, is it safe to assume you won't be purchasing a videotape of your dolphin encounter?
12:15 Get out of here.
12:16 You're in trouble, all of you.
12:18 That fish better have had its shots.
12:20 Mr. Hill, I'm the food and recreation director here at La Grunta.
12:24 That thing attacked me.
12:26 That's not what my niece paid for, is it?
12:29 No.
12:31 Is it?
12:32 Y'all used me for chum.
12:34 That stupid fish could have drowned me.
12:36 Mr. Hill, there's no way on earth Duke would have let you drown.
12:40 That dolphin loves you.
12:42 A lot.
12:43 Well, that's a damn funny way to show it.
12:45 Mr. Hill, Duke has the same desires we all do.
12:49 With all of your fondling, Duke became aroused and was attempting to become physically intimate with you.
13:00 Oh, my God.
13:02 It's a compliment, really.
13:05 Well, he's not going to get away with this.
13:08 Give me that tape.
13:09 I'm sending this in to win an animals attack, and then the flies out to Hollywood, 'cause it's gonna win.
13:15 Luanne, please.
13:17 No one is going to see that tape.
13:19 Now, Mr. Hill, let's move on past the blame game.
13:23 I don't care who led who on.
13:25 Now, if you'll sign our waiver form...
13:27 Uncle, hi.
13:28 Your family's brunch is free.
13:30 Mm-hmm.
13:31 That handsome bathrobe is yours, along with a beautiful gift basket.
13:35 Mm-hmm.
13:36 And we'll throw in 25 La Grunta dollars.
13:38 Fine.
13:39 We'll go get the form.
13:42 Luanne, you and I have a secret that we must take to our graves.
13:48 Are you threatening to kill me, Uncle Hank?
13:53 Of course not.
13:55 They're right. La Grunta is the greatest.
13:58 They even have extra white slippers for the full-footed woman.
14:02 Oh, Luanne, honey, how could you afford all these things?
14:05 Um, how could I afford not to?
14:10 Now, Luanne, what I really meant was...
14:12 I don't know how she could be so dang generous, either.
14:15 You didn't steal them, did you?
14:19 You didn't.
14:22 Honey, did you try the capers with your fruit pies yet?
14:25 That was a real disappointment.
14:28 I'd rather not talk about it.
14:34 We're doing great. They don't suspect a thing.
14:38 You see that? It's like it never happened.
14:41 But, uh, Luanne, you can't mention it to me, even.
14:44 Or it's like it did happen, you see?
14:47 Gotcha.
14:51 Ooh, La Grunta Micro Brewery.
14:55 Shut up, Dale.
14:57 You can't say "shut up."
14:59 I haven't made fun of you for going to the hotel yet.
15:01 How long are you gonna beat this into the ground?
15:04 The hotel is history.
15:06 I thought I could have a morning without hearing about the dolphin, but I guess not.
15:11 So what's your damn dolphin joke?
15:14 Now you've ruined it.
15:16 Good.
15:17 Ooh, Hank's got one.
15:22 I get hooks easy.
15:24 Ah!
15:26 Ah!
15:28 Get it off.
15:29 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
15:33 It was an ugly fish. I got a little scared, too.
15:38 98.8 degrees.
15:40 Well, you can have it your way, Mr. Egg.
15:42 We can wait just as long as you.
15:46 You're not dealing with a couple of hormone-crazed teenagers here.
15:50 Come on!
15:54 Okay, we're decent.
15:56 Turn down service.
15:58 Here's your hotel mints.
16:04 Bingo! It's time.
16:11 Oh, yeah.
16:19 Hank, what's wrong with you?
16:23 Are you guys gonna eat those mints?
16:29 Good day for it, too.
16:31 Hey, all right, drink girl.
16:33 Hey, the drink girl gets to take my putt for me.
16:36 I don't know how.
16:38 It's easy. Here, I'll show you.
16:40 Now you relax the grip, keep your arms straight, shoulders back.
16:45 Now flex those knees and bend your waist.
16:52 Hey, you have good form.
16:55 Sorry, I gotta go.
16:57 Whoa, wait, the lesson's not over yet.
16:59 I mean, we didn't pay for our drinks.
17:00 That's okay.
17:06 Coming through.
17:07 Don't touch me.
17:08 I'm sorry.
17:10 That's okay.
17:12 You didn't do anything.
17:14 Is something wrong?
17:16 Oh, I shouldn't tell anyone.
17:19 You didn't tell me how I figured it out.
17:22 I guess.
17:25 Bobby, some of the men on the golf course got fresh with me.
17:31 Did they use any swear words?
17:34 No, it was more physical.
17:37 Did you report them?
17:39 Well, no.
17:41 Then everyone would know.
17:43 Besides, I shouldn't have taken the putt in the first place.
17:45 That was unprofessional.
17:47 Luann, that's crazy.
17:49 Well, you didn't tell anyone when you were--
17:51 Luann, please.
17:53 You see, it's better to just put these things behind you.
17:56 If you can make it work, so can I.
17:59 Now, wait a minute, I didn't mean--
18:00 Sorry, can't talk about it.
18:04 Now I'm not so sure I want to be a golf course drink girl.
18:14 Dad, we're down to two jars of capers.
18:17 Well, we can't get any more.
18:19 What does that mean?
18:20 How hard can it be?
18:22 You don't want to know.
18:24 What are you doing, Luann?
18:25 Looking pretty in public is just asking for trouble.
18:28 So, I borrowed some of your clothes.
18:33 Okay, I'm just saying, those two jars aren't going to get me through the weekend.
18:38 No.
18:43 Don't worry, Hank.
18:44 I'm nobody's fool.
18:45 So, what exactly is going on?
18:53 It was the dolphin.
18:54 He, uh, attacked me.
18:57 Hmm, I see.
18:58 No, it was more than that.
19:00 He, uh, remember the movie on Lifetime?
19:04 You know, what Gregory Harrison did to Valerie Bertinelli?
19:08 Oh, my God.
19:10 Oh, I have never--
19:11 Well, actually, I have had a dog hump my leg.
19:13 Oh, it doesn't feel good, does it?
19:15 No.
19:16 I thought ignoring it would make it better, but it just made it worse for everyone.
19:22 You know, I've never said this about anything before, but it feels good to talk about it.
19:28 That's good, Hank.
19:29 Come on, just let it all out.
19:31 It is so horrible.
19:32 I mean, that creature swimming at you with that hungry look, waving his--
19:36 I mean, does he even have a--
19:38 It's a mammal, Peggy.
19:40 Oh, well, then of course he would.
19:42 I'm sorry.
19:43 He is a mammal and would have mammalian organs, roughly in proportion to body size, I'm guessing.
19:49 Uh, that's enough talking about it for now.
19:52 Whatever feels best.
19:54 This is all so disorienting.
19:56 It's hard not to--
19:57 I mean, does he know where to go?
19:59 Peggy!
20:00 I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it starts with not lying about what happened.
20:05 It's the dolphin who ought to be ashamed of himself.
20:08 [laughter]
20:22 It happened to me!
20:24 The same thing happened to me six years ago!
20:29 And four years ago!
20:31 What?
20:32 Oh, yeah!
20:33 I saved up to 150 and I was gonna live it up.
20:37 I was gonna live it up like the big boys swimming with the dolphins.
20:42 It was gonna turn my life around.
20:46 Give me my confidence back.
20:49 And then--
20:51 Well, what'd you do about it?
20:53 Those hotel guys bought me off.
20:57 With this T-shirt!
20:59 It made me feel cheap and used, but it breathes nice.
21:05 All right, well, there's one thing I can do.
21:07 Quit drinking that hotel beer.
21:09 I'm gonna take it back.
21:11 [grunts]
21:13 Peggy!
21:16 Good for you, Hank Hill.
21:18 You throw those 30 pieces of silver right back at 'em.
21:22 The slippers, too, Peggy.
21:24 Oh, a pair of slippers isn't gonna give you your dignity back.
21:27 You were humped by a dolphin.
21:29 Come on, Peggy.
21:31 [music]
21:34 [splash]
21:36 [applause]
21:39 Yes, that's so true.
21:41 You're so wise.
21:43 There, take it all back.
21:44 I don't want your payoff.
21:46 What do you want?
21:47 Money?
21:48 Publicity?
21:49 I wanna see to it that no one has to go through what I went through,
21:53 except for a female dolphin.
21:55 You sign the agreement.
21:57 Our lawyers will do what it takes to protect the good name of La Grunta.
22:03 Why must you speak through guys like him?
22:06 Why is it never me?
22:08 [clatter]
22:10 [music]
22:12 Here you go, darling.
22:14 [laughter]
22:17 [clatter]
22:20 [music]
22:24 Hey, hey, what's this?
22:26 Who are you, the parking guy?
22:28 Okay, I'm not a happy cat.
22:32 Go ahead, run, because I'm through running away from you.
22:36 From now on, I'm gonna dress any way I want,
22:39 and you're just gonna have to deal with it.
22:42 [applause]
22:46 You think you can touch anyone you want, anywhere you want?
22:49 You think it's okay because no one says it's not?
22:54 Okay.
22:56 You threw me in the pool.
22:58 Good job.
22:59 I don't care.
23:00 I was going for a swim anyway.
23:02 [dolphin sounds]
23:05 You know, people pay a lot of money to swim in here.
23:08 So you gave it to me for free.
23:11 Thanks, pal.
23:13 Hey, I owe you one.
23:14 Maybe I'll buy you a beer.
23:16 Hey, hey, what are you--hey!
23:19 Hey, hey, hey, hey!
23:21 [screams]
23:23 [clatter]
23:26 [dolphin sounds]
23:30 Let's all wish Duke good luck as he begins his return to the ocean.
23:36 Goodbye, Duke.
23:37 Goodbye.
23:39 Good luck, little buddy.
23:42 Goodbye, Duke.
23:44 I love you!
23:46 Mom, can I have a T-shirt?
23:52 Thank you, Uncle Hank.
23:54 You're welcome, Luan.
23:56 Can I send in the video to win Animals Attack now?
23:59 I don't think so.
24:01 We could split the money.
24:03 That's not necessary.
24:05 I could have it all?
24:06 Luan, give me the tape.
24:08 I already sent it in.
24:10 I thought you'd say yes.
24:11 Oh.
24:15 [music]
24:20 [music]
24:25 [music]
24:30 [music]
24:35 [music]
24:40 [music]
24:45 [music]
24:50 [music]
24:54 I never get brunch.