Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:02 [Music]
00:04 (upbeat music)
00:06 (Music)
00:21 (Clanking)
00:25 (Music)
00:34 (Music)
00:37 Oh sweet lord.
00:39 (Music)
00:41 (Knocking)
00:43 Hello? Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.
00:47 Unannounced service check.
00:49 We've got a storage tank situation that requires immediate attention.
00:54 (Gasp)
00:56 Someone here?
00:58 (Dog barking)
00:59 (Door slam)
01:00 (Panting)
01:02 Ah, Mr. Winston, we've got a problem here.
01:05 When you replaced your regulator, you didn't replace the copper pigtail and now you've...
01:09 Oh, thank god. Thank you, Hank. You saved my life.
01:12 Heh heh. A leaky pigtail's really more of a waste issue than a safety issue.
01:17 I've been trapped in that dang freezer since two in the morning.
01:21 I dropped a jar of ragu in the door, slammed shut while I was mopping it up.
01:26 If it weren't for you, I'd be dead.
01:28 Really? I saved a life.
01:31 Heh. How do you like that?
01:33 I like it a lot, Hank.
01:35 Why don't you come back this weekend? I'll give you dinner for two on the house.
01:40 What am I saying? You saved my life. Dinner for four.
01:44 (Sigh)
01:45 And then I opened the freezer door and damned if I didn't find a guy in a tuxedo.
01:50 Oh, Hank. You could have been killed.
01:54 Now promise me you will never do something like that again.
01:58 Oh, hold on. To thank me for saving his life, he's given me free dinner for four, including drinks but not tip.
02:06 So, who should we invite?
02:08 Oh, I figured since it was for four people, I'd take Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.
02:14 You can't go with the guys.
02:16 That's Amore is the most romantic restaurant in all of Heimlich County.
02:22 You will take me, and we will invite another couple to join us.
02:26 How about me and Connie? We were just saying we don't go out enough with other couples.
02:31 You and Connie? What on earth would we talk about?
02:36 Well, the upshot is the man's not dead, and I've got a free dinner for four at That's Amore.
02:44 (Groaning)
02:45 We get to share a meal at the most romantic restaurant in town.
02:50 Sorry, Peggy wants it to be a couple's date. You know, with another couple.
02:55 No.
02:57 Wait a minute. I have a wife. We're a couple.
03:01 I get a free meal. I get a free meal. Ha ha.
03:07 (Sighing)
03:08 (Doorbell)
03:13 Who is it?
03:14 Dale Grebel.
03:15 Oh, he's... Get out. Now, come back.
03:18 Come in.
03:20 Sorry to interrupt your healing session. Hey, John Redcorn.
03:24 But Hank and Peggy invited us to dinner Saturday night.
03:28 But Saturday is one of my John Redcorn nights. Sorry, Shug.
03:32 Nancy, maybe you should go.
03:35 What? No. I have an appointment with you. For my migraines.
03:40 Yes, I know. It's just... I've healed you three to five nights a week for many years.
03:46 I could really use a night off.
03:48 I don't understand. Did I do something to upset you? As a patient?
03:54 No. Of course not. I love treating you... for migraines.
04:00 Then what is it?
04:01 It's nothing.
04:02 It's not nothing.
04:03 It's just... Damn it, can I take a night off?
04:05 Do whatever you want. I don't care.
04:11 Great. I'll tell them we're on.
04:16 Guess who's joining us for dinner?
04:18 Dale and Nancy.
04:20 She already told you?
04:21 Oh, my God. Hank, I was joking.
04:24 I didn't mean to invite him.
04:26 I wouldn't have even brought it up if I remembered for a second that he was married.
04:31 They're not even a real couple.
04:33 Did you know she only sleeps with him on his birthday and Christmas?
04:37 That's why she gets so depressed around the holidays.
04:48 Peggy?
04:51 Madam Gribble?
04:53 Would you excuse me?
04:59 Boy, her can looks so sexy when she's walking away.
05:03 It's almost a shame she's gonna turn around and come back.
05:13 Hello, this is John Redcorn.
05:15 If you're calling about the car, it's already been sold.
05:18 Otherwise, please leave a message.
05:22 John Redcorn, it's me.
05:24 I guess you're out enjoying your night off.
05:27 Well, I miss you. I'll call you tomorrow.
05:39 Hey there, beautiful.
05:42 What are you drinking, red wine?
05:46 Yep, red wine.
05:48 Take a hike. The lady doesn't want to be bothered.
05:51 It's okay. I know him.
05:53 I've never seen this woman before in my life.
05:57 Except in my dreams.
06:22 You smell good.
06:25 Thank you.
06:30 I like your tie.
06:32 Found it on the ground.
06:34 Haven't worn it since I was inaugurated president of the gun club.
06:38 I didn't know you were president. Congratulations.
06:41 Oh, and congratulations to you on your 79% accuracy rate in predicting last month's weather.
06:48 You watch Channel 84 Action News with Miguel Hernandez?
06:54 I sort of have a crush on the weather gal.
06:59 Oh, I forgot you have brown eyes.
07:03 They are so cute and close together.
07:08 Look at those two.
07:09 They're so happy, almost makes you forget their last 14 years.
07:14 Mm-hmm. Romance has a new address.
07:18 Yep. This place sure is special.
07:23 Hank, would you like to dance?
07:25 Oh, no thanks. I'm on my feet all day.
07:36 Self-taught.
07:41 I had a nice time tonight, Suge.
07:43 Yeah, me too.
07:46 Well, good night.
07:50 Dale.
07:55 Doug!
08:09 Okay, let's get started.
08:25 Oh, my God.
08:30 Boy, if they gave an Olympic medal in sexual gymnastics, I would have taken home the silver last night.
08:39 Yeah.
08:41 If you say so. I was pretty drunk.
08:43 Ew, I've forgotten how comfortable your mattress is.
08:47 What is it? Sealy? Simmons? Serta? Spring Air? Stearns and Foster?
08:52 I don't know.
08:53 Simmons, I bet. Well, gotta go empty some glue traps over at the preschool.
09:00 But I'll be thinking of you.
09:15 Morning, Nancy. You're up early, and so am I.
09:19 Morning.
09:21 Is something wrong?
09:23 I slept with Dale.
09:26 Oh, my God, we forgot his birthday.
09:29 Oh, what if John Redcorn finds out?
09:32 Fourteen years we've been together, and I throw it all away for one night of reckless passion.
09:38 Nancy, now you know my position on monogamy. I am in favor of it.
09:44 This is your chance to give up the excitement of an affair and have a normal life with your husband.
09:50 I'm sorry, Suge. Maybe monogamy works for you and Hank, but it does not work for me and Dale and John Redcorn.
10:01 Hey, baby, Daddy's home. You miss me?
10:05 John Redcorn's coming over tonight. When are you leaving for the gun club?
10:09 Your headache's back? But you felt fine when I left.
10:13 Wait a minute. Every time I leave, you call John Redcorn. I know what's going on here.
10:23 Your headaches are a desperate bid for my attentions.
10:29 But what do I do? I pawn you off on some Indian healer so I can have my Dale time at the gun club,
10:37 or breeding show turtles, or on the Internet investigating unexplained phenomenana.
10:44 God, I am so selfish.
10:49 Oh, stop blaming yourself, Suge. In some ways, this is my fault, too.
10:56 I don't deserve you.
10:58 Of course you do. You are a sensitive, trusting, sweet, trusting man, and I don't deserve you.
11:09 Are you sure you're not an alien? 'Cause you just abducted my heart.
11:15 Someone just had sex with his wife.
11:25 Dang, man. I tell you, little ol' Hank, man, you don't go grabbin' any little ol' afternoon like that, man.
11:30 What? I didn't do--
11:32 Me! Me! It was me!
11:34 You? And Nancy? Are you sure?
11:37 Yeah, I thought you were withholding intimacy to preserve your life force.
11:42 I was. But then Hank had to go draggin' me and the old lady to some Italian romanceria.
11:50 Next thing you know, we're on our second honeymoon, only this time no cruise ship and I only vomited once.
12:00 I think I've finally gotten to the point where I actually love her more than my mother.
12:06 Hello, this is John Redcorn. If you're calling about the car, sorry, I'm sold.
12:17 Hello?
12:20 Sorry.
12:22 Um, I have to cancel tonight's session.
12:25 What?
12:26 I... I have a headache.
12:29 So? Just take an aspirin.
12:32 Here's the thing. I can't see you anymore.
12:35 Nancy, please.
12:37 I'm sorry, John Redcorn.
12:43 There you are, Suge. Who let you out of the house?
12:48 Peggy and I sure did have a good time last night.
12:56 Oh yeah, Dale and I had a good time last night, too.
13:01 The four of us should get together again soon.
13:11 Woo-hoo!
13:14 Hey Hank, why are you skating backwards?
13:31 If I wanted to, I could. I just think there are better things the four of us could be doing together.
13:38 Are you suggesting we swing? I'm sorry, I don't share my Nancy with anyone.
13:44 I was not suggesting that at all.
13:46 You can't go back on it now. It's already out there.
13:51 Nancy, I am so glad you finally took my advice and decided to love Dale.
13:58 And you know what? I don't even mind doing the right thing when it's this much fun.
14:06 Love train! Woo-hoo!
14:10 What the hell?
14:29 Where are my smokes?
14:32 I think they're in the shower, Caddy.
14:36 What was he doing in your bed? Tell me he had a nightmare.
14:48 I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to believe me.
14:52 Do you love him?
14:54 I'm sorry.
14:56 No, I'm sorry.
15:00 (crying)
15:02 John Redcorn? I didn't... I mean, I thought it was a burglar.
15:12 What was he doing in our bedroom in the middle of the night?
15:16 He was dropping off an insurance claim form.
15:20 Damn my cat-like reflexes.
15:26 Stop with the "sh-sh-sh-sh-shug!"
15:29 Everything's gonna be okay. I'm here for you. So is Dale.
15:36 Oh God, oh God, please don't sue.
15:40 John Redcorn, come back! I'm sorry!
15:49 You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who kabonked him.
15:54 Hey, look, we're brushing our teeth together.
15:57 You think we should invite Dale and Nancy to join us? Wouldn't that be fun?
16:01 Obviously not, but I think that was your point.
16:04 Don't get me wrong, I'm glad their marriage has stopped crumbling,
16:08 but when are these couples' dates gonna end?
16:11 You know, Dale thought we wanted to swing.
16:15 Swing? Absolutely not!
16:18 You get Nancy and I end up with Dale? Who's the clear winner there, hmm?
16:22 Dale?
16:24 It's just seeing you like that, passed out on the floor, so vulnerable,
16:30 like a sexy, wounded bear.
16:33 We've been through too much together to end it like this.
16:37 I want you back.
16:39 I'm 36 years old. I don't need this crap.
16:42 Was that John Redcorn?
16:48 No.
16:49 Oh, yes.
16:52 How's he doing?
16:53 I don't know. He hung up on me.
16:56 Maybe I should go over to his trailer and apologize.
16:59 No! I think maybe the best thing for you, for both of us, is to just let it go.
17:06 Promise me, Dale. Promise you'll let it go.
17:09 All he ever did was make your head feel better, and I go and make his head feel worse.
17:15 It's almost ironic.
17:19 Hey, John Redcorn. I came to apologize for beating you up.
17:25 You didn't beat me up. You snuck up behind me with a limp.
17:29 Okay. I know you're mad at me right now, and probably a little scared, and I feel horrible.
17:37 Now, what do you say? Let's smoke 'em, peace-pipe?
17:40 Goodbye, Dale.
17:42 Oh, come on. How about you hit me on the head and we call it even? This'll work.
17:49 Shit!
17:52 Oh, hitting you won't change anything.
17:55 I'll still be living in a trailer. No wife, no land. You know over half of Ireland used to belong to my people.
18:03 You come for money?
18:04 Ten years ago, I filed a lawsuit against the Bureau of Indian Affairs, but to this day, they refuse to return the land that's rightfully ours.
18:13 Have you tried using FOIA?
18:15 What?
18:16 Enacted in 1966, the Freedom of Information Act, or FOIA, gives any citizen the right to request access to federal agency records or information.
18:27 It's what I used when I took on the IRS for disallowing my status as a tax-exempt church.
18:35 Would you mind?
18:37 Bringing down the federal government? Not at all.
18:42 Can I?
18:43 No.
18:44 Please?
18:45 No.
18:46 Oh, come on.
18:48 If it'll shut you up...
18:53 Dale? Dinner!
18:56 Have you should seen Dale?
18:58 I didn't see anything!
19:00 Geez, I hope he's not dead, or we'd have to cancel our couple's date at the lake.
19:06 Damn.
19:08 Where have you been? I've been worried.
19:11 Well, not worried. Lonely.
19:14 Oh, I was at John... at the gun club, playing Russian roulette.
19:20 Oh, did you win?
19:24 You're not really familiar with the game, are you?
19:27 No.
19:29 Yeah, I won.
19:31 Fifthfully, we don't live in Communist China, and our Indians have rights, which are...
19:42 Ah, you're pushing yourself too hard.
19:47 You must relax.
19:49 Uh... Mmm... Oh, yeah.
19:54 Dale, you're a good man.
19:58 All this effort on behalf of my struggle, and you're not even a Native American.
20:02 Isn't it time we put aside our differences?
20:06 On behalf of the white man, I would like to formally apologize for everything my people have done to your people.
20:14 And I would like to apologize for everything I've done to you...
20:20 and your people.
20:23 Dale said he'd meet me here after de-roaching the Christian Science Reading Room.
20:34 I feel like such a fool.
20:36 She feels like a fool. I might as well be paddling a giant jackass around the lake.
20:43 Well, he's not coming.
20:46 And you wonder why I need two men? One is always letting me down.
20:50 Uh, yeah, okay then. That's it. We're going in.
20:56 Hank.
21:01 Nancy, going back to having Dale and John Redcorn is not the answer.
21:06 There's an expression that I once heard. It goes something like, "Two's company, three's a crowd." Hmm?
21:13 Well, I've heard another expression. "The heart wants what it wants."
21:19 Woody Allen!
21:21 Nancy, wait! He married his daughter!
21:25 And done. All it needs is your John Hancock, John Redcorn.
21:31 Thank you again, Dale. The pizza, it's on me.
21:36 I made a mistake. I had it all. And I threw half of it away. All I want is it all again.
21:44 Nancy, no!
21:46 Nancy!
21:47 Oh my God, Dale! What are you doing here?
21:50 Uh, dang Christian scientists gave me a headache.
21:54 Then they wouldn't give me an aspirin, just a magazine, so I thought Redcorn could help.
21:59 A similar question would be, "What are you doing here?"
22:03 I have a headache too. A big migraine just snuck up on me.
22:09 Ow, ow, oh it hurts.
22:11 Your headaches are back, but I thought...
22:16 Ah, the swan boats. I completely forgot. Now you've got a migraine and it's all my fault.
22:23 I hope you're happy.
22:25 No. Okay, Nancy, here's the deal.
22:30 I know I promised I wouldn't come here, but...
22:34 15 years of patient-healer relations and I shatter it like so much lamp on scalp.
22:41 I can't fix that lamp. I tried and I got a really bad shock.
22:47 But maybe I can put you two back together.
22:51 You came here for me?
22:53 Both of you.
22:55 What do you say, John Redcorn? Will you heal my wife? Please?
23:01 No. I'm sorry, but no.
23:13 You bastard! After all the help I've given you!
23:17 Dale, you've become a true friend, which is why it would be unprofessional of me to continue seeing your wife.
23:25 I understand.
23:27 Wait, I guess I could treat you. I may not be a licensed new-age healer,
23:32 but I think I've walked in on you guys often enough to know what goes on in there.
23:37 Dale, the power to heal dwells not in the head or the hands, but in the heart.
23:43 You are a good man and you love Nancy very much.
23:47 And perhaps love is the strongest medicine of all.
23:52 I'm sorry. It's just...
23:56 Goodbye, Nancy.
23:58 Goodbye, John Redcorn.
24:00 I was getting a weird vibe in there.
24:10 I think he's gay.
24:14 [Music fades out]
24:18 [Music]
24:32 [Music]
24:35 This is good. This is dynamite.
24:49 Love train! Woo-woo!