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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [MUSIC]
00:10 [MUSIC]
00:20 [MUSIC]
00:30 [MUSIC]
00:42 Okay, I have narrowed it down to one movie. We are seeing The Flowers of Time, rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America, and PG-12 by Peggy Hill.
00:56 When I agreed to see a movie today, I assumed it was understood that I meant not a ladies' picture.
01:03 Hank, just because it takes place on a rose farm does not mean it's a ladies' picture.
01:09 Doesn't help.
01:10 [SOUND]
01:18 Dang it. She's been giving me trouble all week.
01:21 [SOUND]
01:23 First it was the distributor components, then I had to tweak the carburetor's fuel-air mixture.
01:29 Oh, for God's sake, just take it to a mechanic.
01:31 [SOUND]
01:33 Another man touching her all over, playing with her manifolds.
01:37 And then making Hank pay for it.
01:40 Don't tell me.
01:41 [LAUGH]
01:44 Peggy, this truck has been through four presidents, three Cowboy Super Bowl victories, and zero mechanics.
01:53 [SOUND]
01:58 There she goes. All right, everyone in. Quick.
02:01 To the flowers of time.
02:04 [SIGH]
02:05 [MUSIC]
02:11 Five dollars a ton if you feed it to pigs. And it's the exact same corn.
02:17 And they said nobody beats the claw machine.
02:21 Ah, that's great, son. Now give it to Connie.
02:25 No, she won it for me.
02:27 [MUSIC]
02:35 This is Charlton Heston and Ethan Hawke's third movie together.
02:39 The first two went straight to video.
02:42 [MUSIC]
02:47 Ugh, Dale and I are the only guys here.
02:50 No, no, there are two gentlemen right over there. The ones with the mustaches.
02:54 Uh, Hank, now look. That is a pillow sham.
02:59 [MUSIC]
03:01 The only thing keeping you alive is the pressure of the tractor.
03:05 Son, I never really got around to saying a lot of things.
03:10 [COUGHING]
03:12 For being 106, that man has a magnificent head of hair.
03:17 Shush, sugar.
03:18 This movie is good enough to have been based on a novel.
03:22 Hank?
03:24 [MUSIC]
03:26 I won't make it to harvest this year, son.
03:29 Yes, you will. You have to.
03:33 I am so proud of you, Nathaniel.
03:37 You are my rose.
03:42 [MUSIC]
03:46 [CRYING]
03:47 Hank, are you crying?
03:49 Nope. Just watching the movie.
03:53 Hank, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?
03:57 I'm okay. Please continue to look at the screen.
04:01 Hank Hill is weeping like a little French girl.
04:04 Shush.
04:06 [CRYING]
04:08 [TV PLAYING]
04:12 Come see what Channel 84 calls a fragrant bouquet of human emotions.
04:19 [MUSIC]
04:22 Oh, Hank. Come on. There's no reason to be ashamed about your crying.
04:26 But yet, I am.
04:28 I wasn't crying.
04:30 Coming from the heat of outdoors and then into the air-conditioned theater
04:34 is naturally going to cause some condensation.
04:37 Now, I am not a professional psychologist, but I am an amateur psychologist.
04:42 And I think that this spontaneous eye-watering may have something to do with your father.
04:50 Nope. It has nothing to do with anything.
04:53 Well, think about it.
04:55 You have a strained relationship with your dad,
04:58 and your greatest fear is that he will die without telling you how much he loves you.
05:05 You are Ethan Hawke, Hank.
05:08 That's just crazy talk. Our relationship is strained, but fine.
05:13 Wait. I don't know why I didn't say this.
05:16 You're right. You are not Ethan Hawke.
05:19 You are Charlton Heston.
05:22 Bobby is Ethan Hawke. Yes! Done.
05:25 No, no. It is not done.
05:28 You and Bobby are very distant emotionally and quite distant physically.
05:33 And you know that if you were ever pinned under a tractor,
05:36 Bobby wouldn't be able to lift it, and you wouldn't be able to tell him that you love him.
05:41 That, Hank, that is why you were crying.
05:46 No. There is something wrong with my eyes. Something seriously wrong.
05:51 Yep. That's it. Good night.
05:53 Oh. Okay. So now you're the amateur doctor. Interesting.
05:59 Bill. Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who?
06:05 Boo who, Hank?
06:09 That's a good one, man. I got another one.
06:13 What do you call the difference between an old man and an old little squirrel guy, man?
06:18 What?
06:20 Hank.
06:22 (laughing)
06:25 So I forgot how long the straw was, and it caught me in the eye.
06:30 That was Sprite running down my cheek, not tears.
06:33 Okay.
06:35 Let's go, Hank. We have a two o'clock with an optician at the mall.
06:38 He's not a doctor, but there is nothing medically wrong with you, so it doesn't really matter, does it?
06:49 Uh, how much longer would you say you have to be this close to my face?
06:55 I'm not really finding anything wrong with your eyes, Mr. Hill.
06:58 Just as I thought and diagnosed yesterday.
07:02 Uh.
07:05 Are you ready to admit you were crying, Hank, or do we need to see a brain doctor?
07:09 Because I will go right back in there and get a referral.
07:13 (groaning)
07:20 Okay, you were right.
07:23 I am crying.
07:25 You happy now?
07:27 Well, I'm happy for me, but I am sad for you.
07:30 But, honey, I promise to keep this between you, me, Bobby, and the family therapist we will undoubtedly have to see.
07:39 I'm not crying because of Bobby.
07:41 Charlton Heston isn't me or Bobby. Charlton Heston is...
07:46 is my truck.
07:49 No, this is not because of your truck, Hank.
07:55 I think something's wrong with her.
07:58 I checked this morning, and there was water in the exhaust.
08:05 (sobbing)
08:11 (truck engine starting)
08:14 Mr. Hill, I'm afraid the news isn't good.
08:27 She's only got about 500 miles left.
08:29 600 if you drive downhill a lot.
08:33 I'm just gonna close her up.
08:34 You're not even gonna try to fix it?
08:36 It would cost more to fix this truck than it's worth.
08:39 No, sir, I do not accept your answer.
08:42 This truck has given me 20 years of reliable service, and you cannot put a blue book value on that.
08:49 Now, who's gonna tow me home?
08:51 Hank's never gonna let this truck go.
09:00 And we're the ones who are gonna suffer.
09:02 We will now be rides to the auto zone, and those chumps who will push my truck.
09:08 You can't blame Hank for being attached to his truck.
09:11 He loves it.
09:12 And that's what you do when you love something.
09:15 You cling to it so it doesn't try to run away.
09:18 I've had my van for 10 years.
09:20 First sign of weakness, I'll shoot her myself.
09:24 Look, look, she's running.
09:30 All I did was change the spark plugs, adjust the valve train, and rebuild the carburetor.
09:36 Purring like Eartha Kitt.
09:38 I think they're gonna fire in the hole.
09:43 Man, it's gonna blow.
09:44 No, no, nothing to worry about.
09:46 Probably just a leak in the fuel line.
09:49 I'll just have to watch it until the engine runs out of gas.
09:52 Yep.
09:57 Yep.
09:58 Mm-hmm.
09:59 Yep.
10:04 Yep.
10:05 All right, Bobby, I think the carburetor just needed a little fine-tuning.
10:10 Crank it gently.
10:12 Peggy, I know you said you'd divorce me if I got rid of the Maverick, so I hope you were kidding.
10:30 Hank, it's beautiful.
10:32 Beautiful?
10:33 Hey, Dale, you mind driving me over to the auto zone?
10:52 I'm just gonna break down and buy a new carburetor.
10:55 And so it begins.
10:59 [Hank's car engine starts]
11:01 Sorry I'm almost late, sir.
11:07 I tried that new left-turn lane on 4th.
11:10 It was okay.
11:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need you, Hank.
11:13 Clark Mobile Homes is threatening to cancel their account.
11:16 Oh, God.
11:17 They have a heated pool and communal barbecue pits.
11:21 [Gunshot]
11:27 [Guitar music]
11:29 What the...
11:30 Uh, I mean, what seems to be the problem with Mr. Clark?
11:36 It seems Enrique's been short-filling their tanks.
11:39 Why would he do that?
11:41 Well, I told him to.
11:44 [Spray can hissing]
11:49 Oh, crap, so muddy and hot in here.
11:52 Really?
11:54 Uh, I was just thinking it was a little chilly, actually.
11:58 Yeah.
11:59 Now, someone's lying to me.
12:06 Let's see.
12:08 Is it the girl and accountant, my daughter, or you fellas?
12:14 Oh, scouts on the road.
12:21 If Hank says those tanks were filled, by God, those tanks were filled.
12:25 Uh, actually, sir, if you recall, what I said was...
12:29 Hoo-wee, I don't like to get this sweaty less than I have a young little lady to tie it off on.
12:36 We lost the account, didn't we?
12:44 So I raised my hand and said,
12:46 "Mrs. Donovan, I think I speak for the whole class when I say the homework load has been a little heavy lately."
12:54 And the class erupted.
12:57 Oh, Bobby was in the middle of a great story.
13:02 Start again, Bobby. Lots of energy.
13:05 Okay. It was a day like any other.
13:09 Here's a story for you.
13:11 I've had a long day, and I lost a big account, and I don't have the energy to listen to any stories.
13:17 The end.
13:19 Oh, Bobby, honey, it is not because he doesn't love you.
13:25 Oh, I know. It's because of his truck.
13:28 Well, that is what he keeps saying, anyway.
13:31 But what I think would really help your father fix his truck
13:35 is for the two of you to spend some good time together.
13:38 Fixing his truck?
13:40 It doesn't matter what you do, Bobby.
13:43 Oh, wait, honey. Don't tell him any more of those boring school stories, okay?
13:48 Hey, Dad, need an extra set of hands?
13:58 That is not a toy. It's for lying down on.
14:08 Ah, dang it, Bobby.
14:10 People are going to see this oil stain and think I'm a drunk.
14:13 Now clean it up.
14:15 Huh? We perform miracles at Pickup Truck Heaven.
14:26 So I called and told them the transmission's shot,
14:29 and the engine mounts are rusty, and it was catching fire a lot,
14:33 and they said, "No problem."
14:36 This place is all the way in West Dyrndl.
14:39 I'm not going to drive my truck 40 miles on some magic carpet ride
14:44 so some jackass mechanic can tell me there's nothing he can do.
14:48 Come on, Dad.
14:51 Your truck drove you to the hospital when you cut your toe with a weed whacker.
14:56 You owe it to her to at least try.
14:59 And you owe it to Bobby to take him along.
15:05 After all, this is his brilliant idea.
15:08 I wish I could take credit for it.
15:10 Oh, I did buy the newspaper.
15:13 I'm not sure. The address is either 1523 or 1528.
15:22 It says, "Look for the giant inflated gorilla."
15:27 Is that it?
15:31 [Clears throat]
15:34 Hello. I am Marty Mendez.
15:37 You must be Mr. Hill.
15:39 I recognize your truck from your son's description.
15:42 You have my condolences.
15:44 Tell me, Marty, what do you recommend?
15:46 A new truck.
15:48 Oh.
15:58 You're not a mechanic at all. You're a salesman.
16:01 I am the salesman. Salesman of the month, March '98.
16:05 I'm sure I mentioned that to your son. I'm very proud of it.
16:09 How could you?
16:11 84 miles I'll never get back.
16:14 It's not all my fault. Mom did buy the paper.
16:18 Oh, and I'm as mad at her as you are.
16:26 [Groans]
16:28 Come on. Come on.
16:34 Bobby, take the wheel.
16:38 [Grunts]
16:43 I can't push it myself.
16:50 She's too solidly manufactured.
16:54 [Grunts]
16:57 Stop making train noises. It's not funny.
17:01 Dad, it's not me. I think there's a--
17:04 [Train whistle]
17:07 [Groans]
17:10 Bobby, get away from the tracks now!
17:13 [Grunts]
17:16 [Groans]
17:19 [Grunts]
17:22 Dad, leave it!
17:25 [Grunts]
17:28 [Groans]
17:31 Stop! Someone's on the tracks!
17:35 Stop the train! Stop!
17:38 [Grunts]
17:41 [Groans]
17:44 [Gunshot]
17:47 [Gunshot]
17:50 [Train whistle]
17:53 So that's what it sounds like when a train hits a truck.
18:02 It was a little more trucky than I would have thought, considering how much train there was.
18:08 This is all your fault. You killed my truck.
18:11 I was just trying to help.
18:13 And if it wasn't the train, it would have been something else.
18:17 That mechanic said it only had 500 miles left.
18:21 Even if he was right, which he wasn't,
18:24 if I only drove 5 miles a year, I could have had her another 100 years.
18:30 [Sighs]
18:33 We should have asked for a lift.
18:36 You just sit here and try not to break any more trucks.
18:42 [Footsteps]
18:47 You're back.
18:49 Save your fancy come-ons for the Okies, okay?
18:53 I told you before I'm not interested.
18:55 And none of your song and dance is gonna change that.
18:59 Oh, believe me, it would.
19:02 Now, as long as you have come back,
19:04 I feel I must tell you that this bad boy comes with a sunroof and seat warmers in its standard package.
19:11 Well, sounds great. Let me just put on a dress and hop on up.
19:16 Look, I just need a phone.
19:18 There's one in the truck.
19:20 I'm just being honest with you.
19:22 I'm just gonna use the payphone in the showroom.
19:25 Bobby, I'll just be a minute. I...
19:27 [Thunder]
19:29 [Music]
19:32 Bobby?
19:34 [Music]
19:36 You looking for a little kid?
19:38 About this big by this big.
19:41 He said he's walking home.
19:43 What? Why didn't you try to stop him?
19:45 Looked like he could use the exercise.
19:48 Red or green, honey? Red or green?
19:50 Uh, well, uh, I give up.
19:53 I don't know if it was you or the truck, but I need to test drive this beauty right now.
20:00 I knew it. It feels like March '98 all over again. Yes.
20:05 [Music]
20:24 Excuse me. I'm looking for my son.
20:27 A kid came running by asking for directions to Arlen.
20:30 That's him.
20:31 I pointed him north on Mariposa, but he went west on Travis.
20:35 The way I pointed...
20:37 [Music]
20:39 Okay, west. Uh...
20:42 West...
20:44 [Music]
20:54 [Sigh]
20:56 [Music]
21:00 [Grunting]
21:06 Bobby?
21:08 Bobby!
21:10 [Grunting]
21:12 [Tires screeching]
21:15 Huh. Anti-lock brakes.
21:19 That's why they didn't lock.
21:21 [Music]
21:50 You can do it, Bobby. Only 39 miles to go.
21:56 [Music]
22:11 Bobby, quick, get in.
22:13 I'm fine, thank you. I am walking home.
22:18 Bobby, you got tired on the drive over here.
22:22 Look, Bobby, I'm sorry I blamed you for killing my truck.
22:26 I know it wasn't intentional.
22:28 Well, you're damn right it wasn't.
22:31 You think you're the only one who loved that truck.
22:34 I spent the best years of my life in that truck.
22:38 You did love my truck?
22:42 I'm sorry I never got a chance to tell her that.
22:45 Come on, why don't you climb on up?
22:50 It's got seat warmers.
22:52 [Sigh]
22:54 My butt is kind of numb.
22:56 [Grunting]
22:59 Hey, I got my own airbag.
23:02 And a vanity mirror.
23:04 I look pretty sweet in this truck.
23:09 I found this by the tracks.
23:12 You know, maybe she died there for a reason.
23:16 Like she was trying to tell you something.
23:19 Like, "Go back to the dealership and buy a new truck.
23:25 It's okay. I'm in a better place."
23:29 And then the train hit her.
23:33 Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right.
23:35 Maybe she's looking down on us right now from pickup truck heaven.
23:40 You know, the real one.
23:46 Oh man, there's something in my eye.
23:51 Yeah, it's the new car smell.
23:55 It's very strong.
23:57 I love this truck!
23:59 Yeah, me too.
24:01 But when we get back to the dealership, pretend you hate it.
24:06 [Music]
24:13 [Music]
24:18 [Music]
24:23 [Music]
24:28 [Music]
24:33 [Music]
24:38 [Music]
24:43 [Music]
24:47 EW! The flowers of time!