Do you have a narcissistic mother? Children of narcissistic parents go through their lives feeling confused and lost, and in search of love, they never received from home. They expect their mothers to nurture and support them, but when they are dealing with narcissistic mothers, they aren’t given the love and support that healthy parents provide.
Source: Psych2Go
Source: Psych2Go
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00:21 What is the relationship between you and your mother like?
00:25 Perhaps you've noticed that something is just not right
00:28 in your relationship,
00:29 but you have no idea why.
00:31 And because of that, you've questioned yourself
00:32 and wondered whether it was something you were doing
00:35 or is it something she's doing?
00:38 Sound familiar?
00:39 Children of narcissistic parents go through their lives
00:42 feeling confused and lost,
00:45 and in search of the love they never received from home.
00:48 They expect their mothers to nurture and support them,
00:51 but when they're dealing with narcissistic mothers,
00:53 they aren't given the love and support
00:55 that healthy parents should provide.
00:57 Narcissism is one of the buzzwords used a lot
01:00 in mental health literature and social media.
01:03 So how do we know our own mothers are narcissistic
01:05 or simply just being mothers?
01:07 In this video, we'll be discussing 10 signs
01:09 you may have a narcissistic mother.
01:12 As a disclaimer, this video is purely
01:13 for educational purposes and is not designed to diagnose
01:16 or suggest that your mother is a narcissist
01:18 because you recognize some of the signs in this video.
01:21 If you feel that your mother
01:22 is displaying narcissistic traits
01:24 and you feel that you can't talk to her about it,
01:26 we suggest confiding in somebody you trust
01:29 or speaking to a person in a professional capacity,
01:31 such as a GP or a mental health professional.
01:34 Let's begin.
01:35 Number one, she sees her children
01:37 as her trophies or her pawns.
01:40 Ever feel like your achievements are used by your mother
01:42 to show off her status and her ability?
01:45 A narcissistic mother sees her child
01:47 as an extension of herself.
01:49 The sad truth is,
01:51 the only thing narcissistic mothers care about
01:53 is how others see them through their children.
01:56 So when her child makes any mistake in public,
01:59 she belittles them.
02:00 A narcissistic mother will be full of praise
02:03 when you make her look good.
02:05 Hypercritical and judgmental when you make her look bad.
02:08 And the worst part, she knows where it hurts
02:11 and will often not consider this
02:12 before making comments at your expense.
02:14 If you have siblings, she'll pit you against each other
02:17 to gain more control.
02:19 The golden child is the one she favors more,
02:22 solely because of how good you make her look around others.
02:25 If she sees you as the scapegoat,
02:27 she'll put the blame on you for everything
02:29 and even emotionally reject you
02:31 because you make her look bad.
02:33 Number two, she likes to keep control.
02:36 Does she get angry when you disagree
02:37 or don't do what she wants you to do?
02:40 Does she try to make you feel guilty
02:41 for having separate interests, hobbies,
02:43 desires, and opinions?
02:45 Mothers who exhibit narcissistic traits
02:48 like to have complete control
02:49 over all aspects of their children's lives,
02:52 from friends to music to clothes and habits.
02:55 Number three, she uses manipulation to get what she wants.
02:59 Does trying to assert yourself
03:01 result towards your mother in anger,
03:02 rejection, and hostility?
03:04 Manipulation is her game and she will often play it well.
03:08 She will use guilt trips through emotional blackmail
03:10 to make you and any siblings you may have
03:13 dance to her music.
03:15 She doesn't appreciate your attempts to individuate
03:18 as it means you're going to be less available
03:20 to serve her needs.
03:22 Number four, her love is conditional
03:25 rather than unconditional.
03:27 As mentioned earlier, the mother who is narcissistic
03:29 is interested in how you and your achievements
03:32 reflect on her.
03:33 However, on the flip side, she may even become jealous.
03:37 As a result, she may use love as a way to reward
03:40 and to punish.
03:41 Narcissistic mothers know that the most powerful weapon
03:44 over their children is their love,
03:46 which is one of the reasons why children
03:48 of narcissistic mothers will often be perfectionistic
03:50 in a misguided attempt to win their mother's love.
03:54 Number five, she often diverts the conversation
03:57 to focus on herself.
03:59 Have you ever found yourself trying to communicate an issue
04:01 or a problem to your mother
04:03 and feel like she's just not listening?
04:05 Do you feel unvalued in your family dynamic?
04:09 Narcissistic mothers will take control
04:10 and change the direction of the conversation
04:12 to focus on themselves.
04:14 Number six, she lacks empathy.
04:17 Because they're so super focused on themselves,
04:20 narcissistic mothers are unable to sympathize
04:22 with their children.
04:23 It's likely that she'll not validate your feelings
04:26 as there's very little room in her emotional consciousness
04:28 for her to do so.
04:30 Narcissists are self-centered
04:32 and they feel the entire world should revolve around them.
04:35 If they do something that upsets you,
04:37 narcissists won't acknowledge their mistakes
04:39 or soothe your upset
04:41 because they believe they can do no wrong.
04:44 Number seven, she's unpredictable.
04:47 Never quite know where you stand with your mother?
04:50 Narcissists often wax and wane
04:52 in terms of their attention and availability.
04:55 She may shower you with affection and attention
04:57 when she wants something from you
04:59 and ignore you when she's doing okay.
05:02 This is also known as love bombing.
05:04 Number eight, she carries grudges.
05:07 Does your mother hold a grudge
05:08 based on something that happened days,
05:10 months or even years ago?
05:12 With narcissistic mothers,
05:14 these tend to last for a long time
05:16 with no sign of it being forgiven
05:17 or forgotten anytime soon.
05:19 This is because narcissistic mothers
05:22 are quick to develop a victim mentality.
05:24 She's wired to manipulate others,
05:27 which includes guilt tripping you with your past mistakes.
05:31 Get what she wants.
05:32 Number nine, she's emotionally volatile.
05:36 Another key tick box when it comes to looking at narcissism
05:39 is being volatile in nature.
05:41 Mothers with these characteristics
05:42 have very low self-esteem underneath their bluster
05:45 and will become teary, desperate and manipulative
05:48 if they meet ongoing resistance.
05:51 And number 10, she will never want to let you go.
05:54 Has your mother ever said something like,
05:56 "You can't leave me," or "You need me."
05:59 All parents know their kids will grow up
06:01 and eventually leave the nest.
06:03 However, narcissistic mothers
06:05 may have a harder time letting go.
06:07 Codependency in relationships is a trademark
06:09 of people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.
06:12 So a narcissistic mother may hold onto her child
06:15 as long as possible, even into adulthood.
06:18 She will use every tactic in the book
06:20 to make them feel dependent on her.
06:22 Did you relate to any of these signs?
06:24 Let us know in the comments below.
06:26 Remember that narcissistic traits
06:28 can be symptoms of a personality disorder.
06:31 However, that does not mean
06:32 that everybody who exhibits these signs is a narcissist
06:35 or that they may have a personality disorder.
06:38 If you feel like your mother may be a narcissist,
06:41 please ensure you talk to somebody you trust
06:43 as this can be a difficult thing to deal with,
06:46 not just for you, but for your mother
06:48 and those around her as well.
06:49 If you found this video helpful,
06:51 please like and share it
06:52 with someone who might benefit from it too.
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06:59 Thanks so much for watching and we'll see you soon.