God and Sexuality - Dr. E. Dewey Smith
Transcript
00:00:00 And so they're here, we have a gathering tonight.
00:00:03 And so some of them are tuned in now
00:00:06 on their way to our gathering.
00:00:08 Would you give them all a hand?
00:00:09 Everybody who's come to be a part with us this week
00:00:12 from all over the nation.
00:00:13 So I'm excited about them,
00:00:14 seeing them in a minute, a little bit,
00:00:17 once we finish this segment and our life night.
00:00:20 And secondly, to our online audience,
00:00:23 we're very, very excited.
00:00:25 I've learned that the older I get,
00:00:27 how to appreciate the small things.
00:00:29 Hey man, the older you get, you appreciate everything.
00:00:31 Everyday life is a celebration.
00:00:33 And I'm celebrating tonight.
00:00:35 This is our first time doing our life nights in the theater
00:00:40 since tomorrow has already been set up in the atrium
00:00:43 for the assembly.
00:00:44 So due to our human capital,
00:00:46 we wanted to make sure that we get it set up over there
00:00:48 so we'll be ready for the morning.
00:00:50 So we moved here tonight,
00:00:52 but this is our first time being able to actually stream
00:00:56 from the theater.
00:00:58 So we making progress.
00:01:01 So your support, your contributions are helping us
00:01:05 to get better.
00:01:06 And we got a huge vision for this room.
00:01:08 We're gonna put flooring in here.
00:01:10 We're gonna put siding on the floor.
00:01:12 Floor's gonna look better.
00:01:12 We're gonna open up the walls here.
00:01:15 This wall, which will give us about five more hundred seats
00:01:18 on the ground.
00:01:20 We're gonna finish the balcony,
00:01:21 give us another 500 seats up top.
00:01:24 We're gonna get some chairs,
00:01:25 the ones that, they're not theater chairs,
00:01:28 but the chairs actually connect.
00:01:31 And so give us the most stability with those
00:01:33 and fix some more things with the stage and ceiling.
00:01:35 So when we're finished in here,
00:01:37 it's gonna be a beautiful, beautiful room.
00:01:39 And I'm excited that you're helping us
00:01:41 to make some progress.
00:01:43 So give yourselves a hand again on that.
00:01:45 Also, we're glad to see Elder Randall Mangum here tonight.
00:01:51 Elder, we, it's my first time seeing him.
00:01:54 His wife passed away a few weeks ago
00:01:58 and my heart has just been out to him
00:02:00 when they were not able to be with him
00:02:02 when he had the celebration for her life.
00:02:06 But he's been such a blessing to our church
00:02:09 and a blessing to our community,
00:02:10 serving our state legislature,
00:02:12 the state legislator for the Georgia House of Representatives
00:02:17 serves as an attorney and a minister and social justice.
00:02:21 And just, I want to just thank God for you, man of God,
00:02:25 for how you cared for your wife, amen.
00:02:28 And care for her even,
00:02:30 to the Lord called her from labor to reward.
00:02:32 Would you just pause now for a word of prayer?
00:02:34 God, we thank you for Elder Randall Mangum.
00:02:37 Thank you for his life.
00:02:38 Thank you for allowing him to come here with us tonight.
00:02:40 Thank you that you're being with him
00:02:42 as he goes through the valley of the shadow of death.
00:02:45 Thank you that you are a God who even gets oil
00:02:49 out of our most difficult situations.
00:02:51 Bless him and his family and his children
00:02:53 as they continue to navigate this new normal.
00:02:56 May your peace and your comfort be his and be theirs
00:02:59 and not just them, but anybody else
00:03:01 who's going through grief,
00:03:02 would you bless them on tonight
00:03:04 and let them know your grace is sufficient.
00:03:06 We thank you for your grace and your keeping power.
00:03:09 We bid God's speed, peace and comfort
00:03:12 and blessing to him now in Jesus name, amen.
00:03:15 Give him another hand, Elder Randall Mangum.
00:03:16 We love you, sir.
00:03:17 We appreciate you.
00:03:18 Now, in September, we met and we had a conversation
00:03:22 that was actually called, "Lord, I Got Questions."
00:03:27 Lord, I Need Answers.
00:03:29 And so that was the topic of the September Life Night.
00:03:32 Lord, I Got Questions, Lord, I Need Answers.
00:03:35 And our team decided, they did a wonderful job,
00:03:40 that we would give all of you who attended in person
00:03:44 and online an opportunity to submit any kind of question
00:03:48 that you had about the Bible, about theology, about life,
00:03:52 that we wanted to make sure that we were able
00:03:54 to address the questions that we received.
00:03:58 We received hundreds of questions.
00:04:00 And the team went through all the questions
00:04:02 that we received and a great number of them,
00:04:07 they were able to actually compile those questions.
00:04:09 And our conversation this month is based on the first topic
00:04:17 that we had so many questions surrounding,
00:04:20 and that was on the whole issue of God and sexuality.
00:04:23 And so some of the questions they gave me,
00:04:27 I was like, "Lord, have mercy."
00:04:28 Jesus Christ.
00:04:31 So I'm gonna do my best to answer,
00:04:36 to address those questions,
00:04:37 or to lay the foundation for them off.
00:04:39 But then on tomorrow, we have a Zoom, I'll talk about that.
00:04:42 I hope they gave me this, if not,
00:04:46 I can get the setup for tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday.
00:04:50 So we have this conversation tonight,
00:04:52 then on tomorrow night, then on,
00:04:55 is that Monday and Tuesday night, is that correct?
00:04:59 We'll have conversations, subsequent conversations
00:05:02 to go a little deeper into what I'm gonna address tonight.
00:05:06 So what I'm doing, my responsibility
00:05:08 is to lay the foundation for the entire month.
00:05:11 Got some real deep stuff.
00:05:12 And so those who are online, would y'all give them a hand?
00:05:15 Hey, y'all, first time streaming.
00:05:18 And so we're gonna be here every Wednesday,
00:05:20 not in person, but we're gonna stream every Wednesday.
00:05:24 And so just so you get the format,
00:05:25 every first Wednesday we'll be live.
00:05:28 Want you to come in person,
00:05:30 and the rest of those Wednesdays, you can be at home.
00:05:33 We want to ease back into this,
00:05:35 to make sure that people wanna be in the building first,
00:05:38 and before we kind of just move in that manner.
00:05:43 Okay, make sense?
00:05:44 So we're talking about God and sexuality.
00:05:47 I want you to get, did everybody get an outline?
00:05:49 Did everybody get an outline?
00:05:51 Did everybody get an outline?
00:05:52 Okay, we're gonna get it,
00:05:53 and then I'm gonna give you an opportunity.
00:05:55 I'm gonna do about 15, 20 minutes,
00:05:57 and give you an opportunity to submit some questions.
00:05:59 Brother Stephan, Elder Keenan,
00:06:03 if y'all get a microphone ready,
00:06:05 so when the people are ready to come and ask,
00:06:07 maybe we can put one up here, then come and get it,
00:06:09 so we can expedite time.
00:06:12 All right, are y'all ready to roll?
00:06:14 (audience laughs)
00:06:15 Now, let me say this.
00:06:20 Some of the stuff we're gonna discuss this month
00:06:22 is gonna be challenging.
00:06:23 Some of the stuff we're gonna discuss this month,
00:06:28 and you hear this month,
00:06:30 may push you and cause you to think.
00:06:33 Some of the stuff you hear this month may make you blush,
00:06:39 or may make you uncomfortable.
00:06:42 But we're gonna do our best to do what we do,
00:06:44 everything we do,
00:06:45 with faith, with love,
00:06:49 and with a desire
00:06:56 to speak the way God would have us to speak.
00:07:00 So when it's opinion, we'll tell you it's opinion.
00:07:04 When we believe, you know, it's like Paul was saying,
00:07:08 he said sometimes in the first Corinthians,
00:07:11 I like what he said, he said,
00:07:12 now I speak this by permission.
00:07:15 Then sometimes he said, I speak this by commandment.
00:07:19 What he's trying to say is God told me to tell you this.
00:07:24 But then he said, now this is what I think,
00:07:26 this is my opinion.
00:07:28 Let me give you an example.
00:07:29 He says, I wish all men were like I am.
00:07:31 First Corinthians seven, you know what he's saying?
00:07:35 I wish all men were single.
00:07:37 That's what he said.
00:07:40 He said, I really wish all men were single.
00:07:42 He said, because the moment they get married
00:07:45 and get with a woman, she gonna worry him to death.
00:07:49 I'm just teasing y'all,
00:07:54 maybe I should've got the offer in first.
00:07:56 He was really saying, seriously,
00:07:59 he was really saying, honestly, and truthfully,
00:08:01 y'all know I love to have fun, don't be offended.
00:08:04 He was really saying that sometimes in ministry,
00:08:08 it's easier to do ministry if you don't have
00:08:11 attachments and responsibilities.
00:08:13 He's saying even for single people.
00:08:15 He said, single people who are not married,
00:08:17 who are not attached, they have more time to devote to God.
00:08:20 But the moment you get a spouse, the moment you get kids,
00:08:24 gotta go to T-Ball and PTA and those other responsibilities,
00:08:29 it can kind of take you away from, you know, a focus.
00:08:36 You don't have as much time.
00:08:38 He says, but I'm speaking this by permission,
00:08:42 not by commandment.
00:08:44 He said, now God, he said, this is my opinion.
00:08:47 Men, women who are in ministry,
00:08:51 you have less headaches if you weren't attached.
00:08:54 He says, but nevertheless, in order to,
00:08:56 it's better to marry than to burn.
00:08:58 He says, so get you somebody, don't defraud each other.
00:09:02 So some things he spoke by commandment.
00:09:06 Other things he spoke by permission.
00:09:08 So what we have to do is understand
00:09:12 when I'm speaking by commandment
00:09:14 and when I'm giving my opinion.
00:09:16 Sometimes in church, we try to make our opinion commandment.
00:09:22 And that's when we get in trouble.
00:09:25 So it's best to speak what God speaks
00:09:28 and be silent when God is silent.
00:09:30 And if you don't know something, I don't know it.
00:09:35 So I'll have no problems telling y'all.
00:09:38 If you ask a question, I don't know it.
00:09:39 I'll do my best to get the answer.
00:09:41 But if I don't know it, I don't have nothing to prove.
00:09:44 'Cause if you ask the question,
00:09:46 that mean you don't know it either.
00:09:48 So we're in the same boat, okay?
00:09:50 So we're gonna, that's how we gonna walk this month, okay?
00:09:52 But please, there is no dumb question.
00:09:55 And we're gonna have to push it
00:09:56 because sometimes church, we don't wanna have,
00:09:58 Bishop said something, Bishop Jake said something
00:10:00 some years ago, it was very ironic.
00:10:02 He says, "The three things that most church people want,
00:10:05 "we're gonna talk about, PMS, power, money, and sex."
00:10:10 He says, "We want those three things,
00:10:14 "but in the church, we don't wanna talk about 'em."
00:10:16 And I found that there's some truth to that.
00:10:18 So let's talk about this.
00:10:19 And this is based on the conversations
00:10:21 y'all started last month.
00:10:23 I wish we didn't have to come out the gate so strong,
00:10:25 but these were the questions y'all had.
00:10:27 So the first thing I wanna say to you is this,
00:10:28 sexuality is created by God, okay?
00:10:33 God made us with feelings, with hormones.
00:10:40 This is very, very important
00:10:46 because sometimes in church, we have demonized sexuality.
00:10:50 When a young man is 18 and 19,
00:10:54 he starts to feel attraction for a young lady.
00:10:59 Those feelings are not demonic.
00:11:03 It's important.
00:11:06 When a young girl gets 15
00:11:08 and she starts to get goosebumps around a guy,
00:11:11 that is a normal, she's not abnormal.
00:11:15 She's not being fast in the britches.
00:11:20 Anybody remember people saying that?
00:11:24 She's being fast, look fast, look fast in the britches.
00:11:27 My mom was afraid, you're being mannish.
00:11:30 Yeah, I'm being mannish.
00:11:33 Yeah, when you get 16, you have mannish feelings.
00:11:39 Those didn't come from the devil.
00:11:43 This is very, very important.
00:11:45 We're gonna talk more about that next week
00:11:47 'cause sometimes in church, you're taught to demonize that.
00:11:52 Don't think that, run away from that, cover yourself up.
00:11:57 (audience member speaking faintly)
00:11:59 Right?
00:12:01 Run from it, avoid it, stay away from the little boy,
00:12:04 get off the phone.
00:12:06 So you always beat with that.
00:12:08 Then once you get,
00:12:09 sometimes when you get ready for a relationship,
00:12:12 your whole life you've been socialized
00:12:14 and the theology has been to make that something negative,
00:12:19 ugly, and inappropriate.
00:12:24 And so what happens is, cover yourself up.
00:12:26 Don't let no, don't be out there walking
00:12:28 with stuck clothes on like that.
00:12:30 And I've had personal conversations with women
00:12:33 who got married and been married to men for years
00:12:38 and the husband never seen them undressed.
00:12:41 I promise to God.
00:12:46 You know why?
00:12:49 Because all their life, they've been taught,
00:12:52 it's been put in there, cover yourself up.
00:12:55 Don't, and so it's such a negative attachment.
00:12:59 So how do I, all of a sudden,
00:13:02 switch the light on to now it's beautiful?
00:13:06 When psychologically all my life I've been taught
00:13:11 that it's wrong, don't let 'em see it, cover yourself up.
00:13:14 Wait 'til you get married.
00:13:15 So it's been dog, something, avoid, stay away from.
00:13:18 And all of a sudden, you're supposed to go know what to do.
00:13:22 Don't do nothing, don't just, let your,
00:13:25 don't do it 'til your wedding night.
00:13:28 Then your wedding night, you ain't been taught what to do.
00:13:31 Right, and it's traumatizing.
00:13:33 Listen, over and over again, you find people
00:13:35 who struggle with this in theology
00:13:37 and socialization has a lot to do with it.
00:13:40 So I thought we gotta just unearth some of that,
00:13:42 that it's the natural feelings of sexuality
00:13:46 that is ordained, created by God.
00:13:48 Y'all with me?
00:13:49 Okay, biblically, God created,
00:13:52 we're talking about biologically, male and female.
00:13:55 Now, let me just say this, this is biblical gender.
00:14:00 I need to say this because in this day and time
00:14:04 in which we live, there are people who watch that
00:14:05 who will be offended by what I just said.
00:14:08 From a biblical perspective,
00:14:12 God made biologically male, female.
00:14:16 Now, people have all kinds of ways
00:14:19 that they believe they can identify.
00:14:21 I'm not here to talk about that tonight
00:14:24 'cause that would get us on a whole other tangent
00:14:26 that it would take me a whole month to unpack that.
00:14:29 People now, they want to identify.
00:14:33 It's okay, this is how I was born,
00:14:35 but this is how I identify.
00:14:37 So I can be, you know, they got something now
00:14:40 they call cisgendered versus transgendered.
00:14:45 So cisgender is relatively a new term
00:14:48 that speaks to biologic women.
00:14:50 You got biologic women who say,
00:14:51 "Don't call me cisgender, just call me a woman."
00:14:54 Then you got trans women who say,
00:14:58 "Cisgender women or biological women
00:15:01 "don't have nothing on us.
00:15:03 "We all the same."
00:15:04 So you get to those conversations,
00:15:07 it'll be a World War VIII.
00:15:09 Then you got transgender women who say,
00:15:12 some of them say, "Well, biologic women
00:15:14 "don't have a monopoly on menstrual cycles."
00:15:18 So then I saw something the other day
00:15:22 where a man identified as a dog.
00:15:23 So he spent $30,000 to have surgery to make him a dog.
00:15:28 So I'm saying, so this is the truth.
00:15:33 So what I'm saying here is there are all types of things
00:15:36 that we're gonna talk about this month
00:15:38 'cause a lot of it, you don't want me to preach about it
00:15:41 'cause people get, I'm not afraid to say it
00:15:43 because I'm not, I'm used to folks not liking me.
00:15:48 I'm used to folks, I've been getting death threats
00:15:50 for a long time for some sermons, the truth.
00:15:54 But I just wanna put from a biblical perspective,
00:15:58 biologically speaking, God makes male and female.
00:16:01 Now we have culturally and socially gotta unpack that
00:16:06 because now people don't see it that way.
00:16:11 People don't see it as male and female.
00:16:14 Some don't see it as heterosexuality.
00:16:18 Now you got the LGBTQIA+ community, right?
00:16:23 You got something called bisexuality, gay,
00:16:28 what does it mean to be queer?
00:16:29 You know, what does it mean to be homosexual,
00:16:31 heterosexual, pansexual?
00:16:34 You know what I mean?
00:16:35 It's just a lot that's out there
00:16:39 that is important for us to understand.
00:16:42 And I'm not saying this because I want you to be demeaning
00:16:47 toward anybody or unloving toward anybody.
00:16:50 I'm saying this because a lot of us aren't nuanced enough
00:16:54 in these kind of conversations.
00:16:55 And yet your grandkids may be affected by it.
00:16:59 Your niece and your nephew may be affected by it.
00:17:03 Some of your favorite stars on TV.
00:17:06 What we typically have seen things is binary.
00:17:11 Now you have a group that believes in non-binary.
00:17:15 This, what's the name of this lady?
00:17:21 I was talking to, Janelle Monae.
00:17:25 I don't know if y'all saw her.
00:17:28 She'd been really just expressing herself in a lot of ways.
00:17:35 Other guy who I met a few weeks ago, last year in LA,
00:17:39 Wayne Brady.
00:17:43 Wayne Brady, he now says he is non-binary.
00:17:49 He's attracted to whoever he's attracted to.
00:17:52 Doesn't matter, it's about the spirit.
00:17:55 They can be man, it doesn't matter.
00:17:57 And you got a lot of people
00:17:58 who are having these kinds of feelings
00:18:01 and these types of thoughts.
00:18:04 We're not here to demonize.
00:18:06 I'm not here to send nobody to hell.
00:18:07 I'm here to have the conversation
00:18:09 so we can get clarity and understand.
00:18:11 'Cause a lot of it we don't wanna talk about.
00:18:14 'Cause the moment you say something,
00:18:15 they wanna pick at you and you're ignorant
00:18:17 and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:18:19 But we're all, so let me keep going.
00:18:23 Y'all, are we together so far?
00:18:26 We're together so far.
00:18:27 So biblically speaking, God made a male
00:18:30 with a certain organ.
00:18:31 He made a woman with a certain organ.
00:18:34 In order to procreate,
00:18:37 God allowed sex and sexuality to be created
00:18:42 for the purposes of procreation.
00:18:44 In order to procreate, in order to reproduce,
00:18:50 no matter how much ladies y'all are phenomenal women
00:18:54 and you're independent and you can do bad by yourself
00:18:57 and what have you done for me lately?
00:18:58 Ooh, yeah.
00:19:02 Y'all still need us for procreation.
00:19:07 Come on, tell the truth, shame the devil.
00:19:12 You can't do this without us.
00:19:15 Men, as much as you think that you're bad
00:19:17 and that they're a distraction,
00:19:20 you can't do it without them, biologically speaking.
00:19:23 Now, so we're dealing with this
00:19:26 in terms of biological organs.
00:19:27 Now, research has suggested
00:19:31 that there were, some theologians have suggested
00:19:34 that some of the eunuchs who served as priests
00:19:39 were intersex.
00:19:41 Now, that's what the I is, M-B-G-Q-I, intersex.
00:19:47 Now, back in the day, they used a disparaging term.
00:19:50 It's not disparaging, we called it hermaphrodite.
00:19:52 Right now, that term is inappropriate.
00:19:56 The new term is intersex.
00:20:00 Like when I was a boy, if you saw somebody,
00:20:02 you'd say, "He's retarded."
00:20:04 Sometimes that slip out of my mouth,
00:20:07 now if I'm talking to somebody, right?
00:20:09 Right, like you just, right, because,
00:20:12 but that is offensive.
00:20:14 Anybody, listen to me, come on, tell the truth.
00:20:16 Have you ever said that before?
00:20:17 Just be honest, right?
00:20:19 Well, now when you call somebody,
00:20:21 they don't use that term mentally retarded anymore
00:20:24 because that's deemed to be offensive.
00:20:28 So we don't use the word hermaphrodite, intersex,
00:20:32 when somebody's born with both organs.
00:20:34 Now, let me tell you what helped me to begin
00:20:38 to really start thinking on a different level
00:20:40 is when I found out that somebody
00:20:42 who was very close to me growing up was born intersex,
00:20:46 but was born in the '50s, and his father wanted a boy.
00:20:52 So can you imagine being born in early '50s
00:20:57 in Macon, Georgia, without encyclopedias,
00:21:02 without all this information,
00:21:04 and you're born with both organs,
00:21:05 and your parents have to make a decision
00:21:07 on what you're gonna be?
00:21:11 And all of his life, he's probably one of the most gifted
00:21:16 singers and preachers I ever met,
00:21:17 but never got married, and about 15, 20 years ago,
00:21:22 got on drugs real bad and lost everything.
00:21:24 He's never recuperated.
00:21:27 So people will see him, his life now,
00:21:29 and oh, but don't know how do you live your life
00:21:35 trying to battle what the Bible says
00:21:42 and what you've been dealing with biologically.
00:21:46 And they say now that when somebody's born intersex,
00:21:50 it's better to make them a girl.
00:21:52 That's what they say.
00:21:55 Some might say it.
00:21:56 There was a girl named, it's an African runner,
00:22:01 Samart, can't call her name, that's 2008.
00:22:03 She was an African sprinter.
00:22:06 When they did the testing for, test for the Olympics,
00:22:10 they found out that she was born intersex.
00:22:12 Her dad made her a daughter, and they disqualified her.
00:22:15 You can Google, yeah, it's 2008, I believe it was.
00:22:20 But it's happening, and I did some more research.
00:22:22 One out of every 150 people is born
00:22:26 with some type of abnormality in their chromosomes.
00:22:30 May not be intersex, but with some type
00:22:33 of abnormality chromosomally, in terms of age.
00:22:36 So I'm saying that to say that how we typically,
00:22:41 that is a segment of people out there
00:22:44 that are dealing with this.
00:22:48 But yet in Sunday school or BTU or the state convention,
00:22:52 I never had a theology that helps me
00:22:54 to really deal with that.
00:22:56 But biblically, if somebody was born that way,
00:22:58 and sometimes in antiquity,
00:23:00 they said that person was special.
00:23:02 And they deserve to be a eunuch to serve as a priest.
00:23:05 So there's research out there for that,
00:23:08 that said that some of the eunuchs were intersex.
00:23:10 And so what they would do sometimes
00:23:11 is just castrate the eunuchs so they could serve.
00:23:15 So eunuchs typically, biblically,
00:23:18 in an antiquity are either intersex,
00:23:20 or they had to go through castration.
00:23:23 Okay, we together so far?
00:23:26 Y'all real quiet today, okay, let's keep going.
00:23:28 So let's have this conversation.
00:23:30 Couple things, then we're gonna get some questions.
00:23:33 Number one, are we doing good?
00:23:35 We okay so far?
00:23:36 We okay so far?
00:23:36 Okay, number one, the creation of sexuality by God.
00:23:40 God made man and God formed woman.
00:23:44 That's Genesis two, and God made man.
00:23:47 That word is ish in Hebrew.
00:23:49 God made man, ish.
00:23:51 And then in Genesis 2, 22, He formed woman, ishah.
00:23:54 Man was made, woman was formed.
00:23:58 People think the Bible is ancient and not relevant,
00:24:04 but it makes a lot of sense.
00:24:06 God just scooped man up from the dust,
00:24:10 but He formed woman.
00:24:12 The Hebrew word there is skillfully and craftfully.
00:24:15 That God took His time.
00:24:21 God just threw man together but took His time.
00:24:23 That's literally what the Hebrew conveys, okay?
00:24:28 So it makes sense, right?
00:24:30 Now, the Bible says in Genesis
00:24:35 that Adam knew Eve.
00:24:39 That knowing of Eve connotes and denotes
00:24:43 the idea of pleasure, intimacy, and affection.
00:24:49 That when Adam knew Eve, as a result of Adam knowing Eve,
00:24:54 she conceived.
00:24:57 They were both naked, the man and his wife, and not ashamed.
00:24:59 I love this, really, it speaks a lot for us men.
00:25:03 I know the language, the Hebrew deals with sexual intimacy,
00:25:06 but he knew her.
00:25:07 If we just really look at that and think about that.
00:25:12 Fellas, a lot of us, we want to experience the woman.
00:25:19 But not know her.
00:25:21 Not know her.
00:25:28 Adam knew Eve, and maybe because he knew her,
00:25:32 she allowed herself to be experienced.
00:25:34 Come back to that a little.
00:25:35 So sex is for the purpose of,
00:25:38 pleasure, intimacy, affection, and procreation.
00:25:43 That's what God created sex for.
00:25:46 Pleasure, intimacy, affection, and procreation.
00:25:51 We okay?
00:25:52 Let's go to number two.
00:25:53 The celebration of sex in scripture.
00:25:55 I just told you that in Genesis 2.2,
00:25:57 Adam looked at his wife and said,
00:25:58 "She's now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh."
00:26:03 Isn't it interesting that as Adam looked at his wife,
00:26:07 notice what he says about her.
00:26:10 She's bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.
00:26:13 Interestingly enough, the bones, you don't see them.
00:26:18 It speaks of that which is internal and foundational.
00:26:22 So he commends, or he references her internal first,
00:26:29 and then he moves to the flesh.
00:26:32 He didn't say she flesh of my flesh,
00:26:35 outer, bone of my bones.
00:26:37 He speaks about what was inside her foundationally first,
00:26:42 and then segues to the external.
00:26:45 A lot of us, all we do is we stay focused on the flesh,
00:26:50 and never look at the bones.
00:26:53 That's the foundation, that's the structure.
00:26:55 And you can be attracted to somebody who's fine,
00:26:58 who's beautiful, but they ain't got no structure
00:27:00 about their life.
00:27:01 Make sense?
00:27:04 All right.
00:27:05 Now Hebrews 13.4 says this,
00:27:07 that marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled.
00:27:11 So what I'm saying here is God does not demonize.
00:27:15 Man that finds a wife finds a good thing,
00:27:18 and finds favor in the sight of the Lord.
00:27:20 Does that sound like it's something that's ugly to you?
00:27:23 Man, when you get that wife, that's your good thing.
00:27:28 Right?
00:27:30 We get 'em?
00:27:31 Okay, now let's look at Song of Solomon.
00:27:33 It's interesting.
00:27:34 Sexual attraction is natural,
00:27:37 so how do we not demonize those feelings?
00:27:42 So when your man start touching on you,
00:27:44 stop acting like, leave me alone.
00:27:47 Let the man touch you, that's natural.
00:27:50 Yeah, yeah.
00:27:54 Tell her go put something on sexy for you,
00:27:56 come on and slap on the backside.
00:27:58 Leave me alone.
00:27:59 Why you bother me all the time?
00:28:01 Say God made me this way, baby.
00:28:03 I just, God gave me all this.
00:28:04 I can't do this.
00:28:05 I'm just operating out of what God made me, right?
00:28:11 There's a book called His Needs, Her Needs
00:28:13 by Willard Harley, and Willard Harley suggests
00:28:18 that a man's greatest needs, number one, he says,
00:28:22 is respect, number two was sexual fulfillment.
00:28:25 Woman's greatest need was security,
00:28:30 feeling of intimacy.
00:28:33 So a man desires sex, an attractive wife, and a respect.
00:28:39 A woman wants to be secure.
00:28:40 So a lot of times, there's a disconnect
00:28:45 because she was made to need to be secure.
00:28:49 And then so sometimes she can't even operate
00:28:54 if she's not secure.
00:28:55 So you mad at her because she's not feeling
00:28:58 what you're feeling, 'cause you don't need security.
00:29:01 But her, she can't function in an intimate,
00:29:07 she can be intimate, but sex is not as important
00:29:09 as security to most women.
00:29:13 So you're trying to get it in, she's trying to figure out,
00:29:17 is the light bill paid?
00:29:18 You don't care if the light bill paid,
00:29:24 you just cut the flashlight on, or put the,
00:29:26 look how y'all looking at me.
00:29:30 I wish I had a fellow to help me talk here.
00:29:32 Right?
00:29:34 She can't get right because there ain't no water in the house
00:29:36 and she's like, no, we can get in,
00:29:38 we go down to the gas station, take a towel,
00:29:40 we wash off in the gas.
00:29:41 So there's a disconnect between how we are both socialized.
00:29:45 What I like about this real quickly is,
00:29:48 in Song of Solomon 7, this is really kind of,
00:29:53 this book here, people look at this book,
00:29:55 and some have said it's really a romance story
00:30:00 between Solomon and the Shulamite woman.
00:30:03 Some have said it was the Queen of Sheba,
00:30:05 but it's interesting when you look at the conversation.
00:30:08 Y'all got Song of Solomon?
00:30:10 Y'all have Song of Solomon?
00:30:12 I want you to come to Song of Solomon,
00:30:13 chapter seven right quick.
00:30:16 Y'all got Song of Solomon, chapter seven?
00:30:18 I'm going to read, I'm just going to read a few things
00:30:20 to let you see, this is in your Bible.
00:30:24 'Cause people have you thinking, well, it's not that.
00:30:28 Look what he said in Song of Solomon 7.
00:30:30 I mean, I'm moving quickly.
00:30:32 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes,
00:30:35 O princess daughter.
00:30:37 He's checking out her feet.
00:30:38 The joints of thy thighs are like jewels.
00:30:42 The work of thy hands of a cunning workman.
00:30:48 Thy navel is like a round goblet,
00:30:53 which won't if not liquor.
00:30:54 He said, baby, I don't need no liquor.
00:30:55 Just give me your navel.
00:30:57 Thy belly's like a heap of wheat set about with lilies.
00:31:02 Thy two breasts are like young rose that are twins.
00:31:07 Thy neck is as an ivory tower.
00:31:09 Thine eyes like the fish pots of Hitchman
00:31:12 by the gates of Bathroom.
00:31:14 Thy nose is as a tower of Lebanon,
00:31:15 which looketh on to Damascus.
00:31:17 Thy head upon thee is like caramel.
00:31:19 Thy hair upon thy head like purple.
00:31:21 Y'all see that?
00:31:22 How fair and pleasant art thou, O love, for delight.
00:31:27 This thy statue is like palm tree.
00:31:29 Thy breast like clusters of grapes.
00:31:32 Y'all see that?
00:31:33 Y'all see that?
00:31:36 I said I will go up to the palm tree.
00:31:39 I will take hold of the bowls,
00:31:40 and also thy breast shall be as clusters of the vine,
00:31:44 and the smell of thy mouth like apples,
00:31:46 and the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved.
00:31:50 Does that sound like something that's demonized to you?
00:31:55 This in your Bible.
00:31:56 Cause not lips of those that are to speak.
00:32:00 I am thy beloved.
00:32:02 Now she's talking.
00:32:03 The first time that was Solomon talking.
00:32:04 Now she's talking.
00:32:05 I am my beloved, and his desires toward me.
00:32:09 My God.
00:32:11 Y'all see that?
00:32:12 That was just, how confident.
00:32:14 That sounded like a secure woman, didn't it?
00:32:16 She knows, he's made her feel.
00:32:18 I am my beloved, and his desires towards me.
00:32:22 Come, my beloved.
00:32:23 Let us go into the field.
00:32:27 This is her talking.
00:32:28 Let us lodge in the villages.
00:32:31 Let us go early to the vineyards.
00:32:34 Let us see if the vine flourish,
00:32:37 whether the tender grape appear,
00:32:40 whether the pomegranates bud forth.
00:32:42 Thou, somebody come fan me.
00:32:45 Thou will I, you ain't got to ask for it,
00:32:48 you ain't got to beg.
00:32:49 Thou will I give thee.
00:32:51 Is it, y'all see this?
00:32:54 Does this sound demonic or satanic?
00:32:56 This is right here in the Bible.
00:32:58 This is her response.
00:33:00 This is not evil, this is not cruel.
00:33:04 God wouldn't allow this to be in the Bible
00:33:06 if these feelings and desires were wrong.
00:33:10 Y'all got me?
00:33:10 Now, and I gave you a few more scriptures there
00:33:13 that I'm not, that I'm not gonna get to.
00:33:15 Now, what has happened, so here's what I'm gonna say.
00:33:16 Sexuality was created by the sovereign.
00:33:19 It should be celebrated by spouses and partners,
00:33:24 but it's been contaminated by society.
00:33:28 I gave you all these scriptures that celebrate
00:33:30 the intimacy between, and the thoughts of sexuality, right?
00:33:36 I wanna make sure I answer your question.
00:33:40 Now, here's some things that we now talk about
00:33:43 that have contaminated.
00:33:45 I'm gonna talk this month about this.
00:33:47 One thing that we use that says contaminate sex
00:33:50 is Sodom and Gomorrah.
00:33:52 Now, I'm gonna deal with that this month.
00:33:55 I'm gonna make some assertions about this
00:33:57 that may surprise you.
00:34:00 We'll talk about Sodom and Gomorrah this month.
00:34:02 Here's another, that's a rape culture
00:34:05 that's prevalent in society.
00:34:08 It's almost now when a woman is assaulted,
00:34:13 there's a tendency in society to even,
00:34:16 what were you wearing?
00:34:17 Where were you?
00:34:21 What did you do?
00:34:23 Why did you drink that?
00:34:26 Why did you go by yourself?
00:34:28 In so much that victims of sexual, of raping,
00:34:32 don't even wanna talk about it
00:34:33 because the onus is put on the woman.
00:34:36 Another thing I wanna say too,
00:34:37 that we don't really talk about this,
00:34:39 in the book of 1 Samuel,
00:34:41 when David sees Bathsheba taking a bath,
00:34:45 we really let David off the hook.
00:34:46 David, the king, his armors are out to battle.
00:34:53 He sees a woman, he's watching a woman
00:34:55 who is purifying herself, her name is Bathsheba.
00:34:59 He makes his team, his men go get her
00:35:02 and bring them unto her.
00:35:03 We just said he had a relationship with her,
00:35:06 that was it, no.
00:35:07 He took advantage of his position of power.
00:35:12 Some scholars have said
00:35:18 that it's not like she was a willing participant.
00:35:23 David, king, wonderful king David,
00:35:26 this happened forcefully.
00:35:29 And then when he tried to cover it up
00:35:33 by bringing her husband home from battle,
00:35:36 got her husband drunk, said,
00:35:37 now you're going in that with her.
00:35:38 But he had more character in his drunkenness
00:35:43 than David had in his soberness.
00:35:45 So he sends his husband back to battle,
00:35:49 says put him on the front line of the battle.
00:35:50 When the war breaks out, retire your servants from her,
00:35:54 retire the soldiers, make sure he gets killed.
00:35:56 So not only is David, some scholars say raped Bathsheba,
00:36:01 but he has her husband put to death.
00:36:03 A lot of times we have taken agency from young women,
00:36:10 from women, the agency, the right.
00:36:16 The agency is gone.
00:36:19 Things that a man can do,
00:36:22 we tend to just suggest that's par for the course.
00:36:27 Them, that's boys just being boys.
00:36:29 The girl did the same thing.
00:36:31 We call everything but a child of God.
00:36:33 A week ago, Brittany Reiner did a podcast
00:36:39 with Shannon Sharp.
00:36:41 And she was talking about,
00:36:44 and this is a young socialite, former entertainer,
00:36:48 you know, former athlete.
00:36:49 But anyway, you know, she's very popular.
00:36:51 She's dated men.
00:36:52 They ask her, well, she said,
00:36:54 and she volunteered, said she's been with 35,
00:36:57 35 different men in her life, right?
00:37:00 And Shannon was taken aback,
00:37:01 and a lot of men on social media are just, oh my God.
00:37:05 She's been with 35 different men?
00:37:08 She's 32 years old,
00:37:10 she's been with 35 different men in her life?
00:37:13 And I'm not here to celebrate or castigate her.
00:37:16 I'm just simply saying,
00:37:18 some of the guys who were talking
00:37:19 have been with 300 women.
00:37:20 But the sense of agency for a woman in terms of sexual,
00:37:29 here's another thing that we've done, historical sexuality.
00:37:33 In many conservative evangelical circles,
00:37:36 sexuality was only for the pleasure of the husband.
00:37:40 The job and duty of the wife was simply
00:37:48 to perform for his pleasure.
00:37:51 Whether she benefited from it or not,
00:37:57 the job was only for the man.
00:38:01 So it became like a chore.
00:38:05 It's like, this is your obligation.
00:38:07 This is your duty.
00:38:09 This is your responsibility.
00:38:11 Render due benevolence to your man.
00:38:17 And typically the agency of women is stripped.
00:38:20 And a lot of sex therapists and psychologists are saying,
00:38:23 no, that's not how it's supposed to be.
00:38:25 Okay?
00:38:29 Yeah, so that's why I like that passage
00:38:31 from the Shulamite woman.
00:38:32 She would not just, okay, Salma, come on and hurry up.
00:38:36 No, it was a mutuality.
00:38:39 She had agency in this as well.
00:38:42 And sometimes theologically and societally,
00:38:44 we don't give that agency, okay?
00:38:45 So rape culture.
00:38:48 Sodom and Gomorrah was about the story
00:38:50 of the men of the city trying to really rape the angels.
00:38:53 I talk more, it was really not about same gender love
00:38:59 or relationships.
00:39:00 It was about me and the city saw angels come in
00:39:02 and they said, hey, y'all got some angels there?
00:39:05 We want to, it was really more about rape
00:39:07 than it was about consensual relationships.
00:39:10 We'll talk more, we'll dig deeper.
00:39:11 Rape culture, violence and pornography,
00:39:14 sex trafficking, music, videos, film,
00:39:17 entertainment, pedophilia.
00:39:19 These are all things that have contaminated
00:39:23 God's original intention for sexuality
00:39:28 amongst humankind.
00:39:29 Now here's the conversation we're going to have this month.
00:39:32 What is our response in terms of God and sexuality
00:39:38 to those of the LGBTQIA+ community?
00:39:42 I'm talking about cisgender versus transgender.
00:39:45 We also, something we don't talk about enough in church,
00:39:48 sexual dysfunction.
00:39:49 Sexual dysfunction.
00:39:53 What happens as we mature and get older?
00:39:59 We don't talk about that.
00:40:00 I've had to bury five or six of our brothers
00:40:06 who were part of, who's in our church,
00:40:07 who all died of heart attacks.
00:40:10 You know why they died of heart attacks?
00:40:13 Because most of them refused to take blood pressure
00:40:16 medication.
00:40:17 Because blood pressure medication bothers their nature.
00:40:24 You understand what I'm saying?
00:40:26 When I say it bothers the nature?
00:40:28 So if I'm a man and my nature is disturbed
00:40:34 by blood pressure and dysfunction,
00:40:37 I would just rather die.
00:40:39 I would rather die.
00:40:40 Because sometimes men have basically,
00:40:48 they identify their manhood based on their nature.
00:40:54 If I'm unable to perform, let me die.
00:40:59 I've had to bury two of our members
00:41:05 who had blood pressure problems.
00:41:07 The nature was bothered and they were buying Viagra
00:41:12 out of the barbershop.
00:41:14 Just buying some, don't know what they're buying,
00:41:19 know how many milligrams they're taking, but my nature.
00:41:22 And I buried two of our members like that.
00:41:27 Viagra, took them on out of here.
00:41:30 One was with a woman when he went out of here.
00:41:35 Yep, so he came and went at the same time.
00:41:38 But so, but this, okay, so we got,
00:41:43 okay, so we got, all right.
00:41:51 So we're gonna talk about singleness and sexuality
00:41:53 and in vitro fertilization.
00:41:56 Okay, we've got a few questions from online
00:41:59 and right quick before we do,
00:42:01 here's a question we got online.
00:42:02 Why is it considered wrong or sin to move in
00:42:05 with your significant other before marriage?
00:42:07 Lord Jesus.
00:42:08 Now we're talking about God and sexuality,
00:42:12 you know, you talking about, okay.
00:42:15 All right, if being gay is a sin,
00:42:20 wow, if so, would those that identify as such go to hell?
00:42:25 Oh, thy mercy.
00:42:26 Is it normal to have a sexual desire?
00:42:30 If so, how do you abstain?
00:42:32 Hope I answered that already.
00:42:34 Yes, it is normal to have a sexual desire.
00:42:38 If so, how do you abstain?
00:42:40 That is a great, that's a great question.
00:42:43 Now let's see here, how we gonna answer some of these?
00:42:46 (audience laughing)
00:42:48 All right.
00:42:48 That third question I think is probably the better one
00:43:00 I can start with quickly.
00:43:02 Sexual desire, sexual attraction is a God given feeling.
00:43:10 We have hormones, right?
00:43:15 I wanna say two things about that quickly.
00:43:20 Number one, I believe, I believe
00:43:28 that sexual intimacy is best expressed
00:43:33 in the holy, within the holy bonds of matrimony.
00:43:43 I believe that the greatest gift that a man can give
00:43:50 to a old wife or a wife can give to a husband
00:43:54 is the, I think I'm just away from this piece,
00:43:59 away from the signal, is the purity and the prize of self.
00:44:11 I believe that was God's original intent and desire.
00:44:22 I believe in those contexts, there's nothing,
00:44:27 Adam didn't have to worry about Eve
00:44:29 comparing him to nobody else.
00:44:31 Adam didn't have to have any previous thoughts
00:44:39 about how somebody else made him feel
00:44:42 and how Eve couldn't keep up.
00:44:44 That they could be best able to express that to each other.
00:44:52 That's what I believe is God's initial intent.
00:44:55 I'm also troubled now because,
00:45:01 and I'm gonna be honest with you,
00:45:02 my theology now, I still believe that,
00:45:06 but let me give you an example of what troubles me
00:45:08 that I'm still trying to work through.
00:45:11 By the year 2025, 2030 here in Atlanta,
00:45:15 they're saying that 60% of black women will never marry.
00:45:20 Can I be honest with y'all for a minute?
00:45:23 That 60% of African American women will never marry
00:45:25 between the next two to seven years.
00:45:28 So I'm trying to keep my framework of my theology.
00:45:33 What do I say to a woman who's gonna be single forever?
00:45:38 My sermon about Boaz is coming, Boaz ain't coming.
00:45:49 If that's the case, for six out of 10 women,
00:45:51 Boaz is not coming in the next seven years,
00:45:54 African American women.
00:45:56 So not only is Boaz not coming, according to statistics,
00:45:59 for 60% African American women,
00:46:02 so number two, she's not supposed to be touched
00:46:08 until Boaz comes.
00:46:10 Boaz ain't coming.
00:46:17 Number three, she's supposed to live her life
00:46:20 and she's not supposed to touch herself.
00:46:22 So Boaz ain't gonna touch her.
00:46:27 She's not supposed to touch herself.
00:46:30 Man can't touch her.
00:46:31 Woman can't touch her.
00:46:46 So I don't, y'all pray for me here.
00:46:51 So I'm not as sure, you're not supposed to masturbate,
00:46:59 not supposed to have toys, can't touch yourself,
00:47:04 man can't touch you, woman can't touch you,
00:47:07 Boaz ain't coming, so you're supposed to live
00:47:09 your whole life.
00:47:11 - Him.
00:47:12 - It's gonna be a lot of angry folk.
00:47:25 I don't know what to do with that.
00:47:31 I must say we don't.
00:47:35 I do know God's grace is sufficient,
00:47:39 but you wanna hear about that.
00:47:41 I don't know if it's God's will for six out of 10 women
00:47:45 to live their entire lives
00:47:47 because there is a gift of celibacy.
00:47:53 Some people have a gift of celibacy, right?
00:47:56 But I don't know if six out of 10 women
00:48:00 have the gift of celibacy.
00:48:01 So how do you abstain?
00:48:08 I'm still working through,
00:48:10 I'm still working through my theology.
00:48:13 I'm being honest with you on that.
00:48:16 'Cause it feels like it's almost violent theologically
00:48:20 to say that.
00:48:23 I do believe that God can give us ways
00:48:31 of escape with temptation.
00:48:32 Somebody said, "Well, Jesus lived 33 years
00:48:37 "and he was never with a woman."
00:48:38 Yeah, he was perfect.
00:48:41 But there's also some research that says
00:48:44 that he was with Mary Magdalene.
00:48:46 I don't believe that, I'm just saying.
00:48:47 They even tried to give Jesus a woman.
00:48:50 Right?
00:48:53 But the other thing is he only lived 33 years,
00:48:56 so he got up on out of here.
00:48:58 (audience laughing)
00:49:02 So we're going to deal with this more this month,
00:49:07 but I want you thinking with me.
00:49:11 I can't answer it today.
00:49:12 I'm going to give you my best answer by the end of the month
00:49:15 so we can work through it together.
00:49:17 But I'm giving you my thoughts.
00:49:19 The Bible does say there's no temptation given unto man
00:49:21 that he won't give us a way of escape.
00:49:23 The Bible says in all points he was tempted like we are,
00:49:27 yet he was without sin.
00:49:28 But I don't know biologically speaking
00:49:31 if it's the will of God for six out of 10 women
00:49:35 to live their entire life
00:49:36 and never have the intimacy
00:49:40 or any type of sexual fulfillment.
00:49:43 I don't know if I can tell you that today.
00:49:48 We're going to talk about it,
00:49:51 I think that's the fourth week in this month.
00:49:52 We're going to deal with this in a little more detail
00:49:55 to give you some more resources on it.
00:49:56 But you got to tune in on the 25th of that.
00:50:01 Okay, all right.
00:50:03 I saw a hand there.
00:50:05 Yes, ma'am.
00:50:05 Well, we got the mic on.
00:50:20 She said, "What are the goodness of Jesus?"
00:50:22 Well, when you think about men that are in jail,
00:50:24 men that are dead, in prison, on drugs,
00:50:31 men that don't want women.
00:50:32 So, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:37 So when you start looking at those numbers,
00:50:40 it makes it, the ratio is off.
00:50:43 Men that are already married.
00:50:46 So the ratio is off.
00:50:49 Okay, so that's where it comes from, okay?
00:50:53 Anybody else?
00:50:54 I got time for a few more.
00:50:56 Pastor Carna?
00:50:58 - Yes, so we have some great interaction online.
00:51:01 - All right, Lord Jesus.
00:51:02 - I want to share a few quick comments.
00:51:04 A couple of people are saying, "Tell it like it is, pastor.
00:51:07 We appreciate your transparency."
00:51:10 A couple of people are saying that
00:51:11 they love the teaching tonight
00:51:13 because it's funny and you're so down to earth.
00:51:17 - Well, I've got to be funny to keep,
00:51:19 'cause this is rough.
00:51:20 - Right, right, right.
00:51:22 - It's uncomfortable.
00:51:23 - So we do have a question,
00:51:25 and I think you've already kind of touched on it.
00:51:27 - All right.
00:51:28 - The question is,
00:51:29 is it biblical that you shouldn't test drive the car
00:51:32 before you buy it,
00:51:33 or should you try before you buy?
00:51:37 What wisdom do you have for persons who want to know?
00:51:42 I'm sorry.
00:51:45 All I can do is give you a question.
00:51:46 - If I can be honest with you,
00:51:48 if I can be honest with you,
00:51:50 that's why I said,
00:51:51 I believe it was God's desire
00:51:53 that marriage only be,
00:51:56 that sexual intimacy only be between a husband and wife.
00:51:59 Right?
00:52:01 That a person, I believe,
00:52:03 Adam didn't have any relationship
00:52:06 till he got with Eve, Eve didn't have a relationship.
00:52:09 Rarely is that the case now.
00:52:11 And what happens now is
00:52:16 those experiences
00:52:19 do affect your future.
00:52:26 If a person has been with somebody in the past
00:52:28 and they had a great physical time with somebody,
00:52:31 there are some ladies who've had great physical interaction
00:52:37 with men who wasn't about nothing.
00:52:39 There are some men who had great physical interaction
00:52:43 with women that they would never take home
00:52:45 and leave it at mama.
00:52:46 There are some women who have been with guys
00:52:50 that are thugs, don't work, right?
00:52:53 But they know how to lay it down.
00:52:56 Right?
00:52:58 So what happens is a good man can come along
00:53:01 who can work, he's a deacon, right?
00:53:07 He can be, he can be a favor to the Lord,
00:53:10 favor to his family,
00:53:11 take you on vacation.
00:53:13 He's sweet.
00:53:15 But the problem is,
00:53:19 (audience laughing)
00:53:22 you've allowed yourself to be opened up to something,
00:53:27 come on, help me, something,
00:53:29 and the same thing with a man.
00:53:31 So what happens is now you get into the relationship
00:53:35 to the marriage and there's a level of
00:53:39 a lack of fulfillment or
00:53:44 not the same kind of vibe or feeling.
00:53:48 (audience member speaking faintly)
00:53:49 Or expectation.
00:53:51 So you with this guy, so if you can merge the two,
00:53:54 oh, you go to him, you'll be happy, right?
00:54:01 And so what happens is you can be in a relationship
00:54:03 with somebody, but you're still,
00:54:04 but parts of you is longing.
00:54:08 Parts of you are longing for something
00:54:12 that you experienced somewhere else.
00:54:14 So you got your nose open to something.
00:54:16 (audience member speaking faintly)
00:54:18 That is something that was not good for you.
00:54:22 And you can spend the rest of your life still reminiscing.
00:54:27 And then with this person, but thinking about that person.
00:54:31 Lord, I wish somebody would talk.
00:54:35 I've seen it happen over and over again.
00:54:38 So now even, so to answer your question,
00:54:43 there's another problem.
00:54:45 And so what happens is I've seen people
00:54:47 who have come together in relationships,
00:54:49 and now you're with somebody and you're unfulfilled.
00:54:52 So you made a commitment to be with this person
00:54:58 for the rest of your life, and they don't have it.
00:55:02 So do you teach 'em?
00:55:06 How do you teach 'em?
00:55:07 Do you go to therapy?
00:55:08 Do you talk about it?
00:55:12 How does a woman tell a man, "You ain't cutting it, partner"?
00:55:16 How do you do that without ruining?
00:55:21 Because once you say that, once you say it,
00:55:25 and if you're not prayed up
00:55:27 and you don't say it the right way, ain't no coming.
00:55:29 It's over, you might as well just, it's over.
00:55:31 Yeah, I wanna hear that.
00:55:34 No, I love you, baby, ain't no, once you tell a man,
00:55:39 I remember my sister one time,
00:55:40 I don't know if I told you this story.
00:55:42 My sister told her boy, he put his hands on her,
00:55:46 I was gonna go and kill him,
00:55:47 'cause you don't put your hand on my sister.
00:55:49 Literally, I was gonna kill him.
00:55:50 And Andre kept begging me, "Don't do it, don't do it,
00:55:53 "don't go," you know?
00:55:54 I had got him, I had busted the house,
00:55:56 and they knew I was gonna shoot him.
00:55:57 I was a pastor, too.
00:55:59 I was very, yeah.
00:56:00 (audience laughing)
00:56:01 Really, I was gonna kill him,
00:56:02 'cause my sister was wailing,
00:56:05 and he came, "Please, don't do it, don't do it."
00:56:06 I said, "What happened?"
00:56:07 "Man, she got mad 'cause I wouldn't cook,
00:56:09 "and she told me that's why she should've stayed
00:56:11 "with her other boyfriend,
00:56:12 "'cause his thing was bigger than mine."
00:56:14 I said, "Man, slap her again."
00:56:16 I'm finna go home.
00:56:17 (audience laughing)
00:56:19 My point is, ain't no coming back.
00:56:21 Slap her for me, hit again.
00:56:25 Ain't no coming back from that, right?
00:56:27 So I'm saying that to say to that question,
00:56:29 people say, "Should I?"
00:56:32 I think we need to have conversations.
00:56:35 A lot of times in premarital counseling,
00:56:36 we don't even talk about it.
00:56:39 I don't think we even look at,
00:56:41 you know, what does it take to please?
00:56:43 Like a lot of men don't even know what it takes to please.
00:56:47 You may have to get some help.
00:56:48 Most men that learn about physical intimacy
00:56:52 learn it from watching a video, a pornography.
00:56:56 Most of us don't even know about a woman's body.
00:56:59 You're watching something nasty on TV,
00:57:01 now you think that's the way you, right?
00:57:05 Never been taught how to.
00:57:07 So I think that I believe it's still God's desire,
00:57:12 it was God's will for that to be the case,
00:57:15 but I have seen people miserable 'cause they didn't.
00:57:18 I've seen that as well.
00:57:20 I've seen it as well.
00:57:25 The third week, we're gonna have a sex therapist here,
00:57:27 and we're gonna deal more with that.
00:57:29 I don't wanna give y'all all the answers
00:57:31 'cause you ain't gonna come back.
00:57:34 We're gonna give you answers and resources.
00:57:35 Yes, ma'am, I'm almost finished.
00:57:37 - Yes, but then, Pastor, why does men,
00:57:39 when a woman tell a man what she wants
00:57:42 while they're in the courting phase,
00:57:46 and then when you do actually do get married
00:57:48 and you show him, why then all of a sudden he gets scared?
00:57:52 You understand?
00:57:54 - Yeah.
00:57:56 Well, the problem with that is that
00:57:58 we have incredibly fragile egos.
00:58:04 I'm just gonna, Ben's with you.
00:58:08 If you wanna see somebody with fragile egos
00:58:10 when it comes to that, it's a man.
00:58:12 The worst thing a woman can do is tell a man,
00:58:16 make a man feel like she's not fulfilled
00:58:18 'cause most men think they're the king of the castle.
00:58:22 They think they're King Kong,
00:58:25 and then when they find out they're Curious George,
00:58:30 it can just bruise the ego.
00:58:36 And that's why I think,
00:58:37 but what we said, we had a conversation
00:58:40 just with a therapist, it's important to get help
00:58:43 and for a man to ask the questions.
00:58:47 Because I don't wanna get ahead of myself,
00:58:51 but you gotta have conversation,
00:58:54 you gotta be free to talk.
00:58:56 This is what I like, this is what I don't like.
00:58:58 There are different tools that we're gonna offer you,
00:59:00 and I didn't know about some of this until yesterday.
00:59:04 'Cause a lot of us, there are a lot of tools
00:59:05 that are out there that can help us
00:59:07 to deal with these situations when there's a disconnect.
00:59:10 But it's gonna take honesty, tack,
00:59:15 and love, and love and appreciation
00:59:22 in ways that make up for the deficits.
00:59:24 But see, if that's everything for a man,
00:59:28 and a woman's like, no, it's not everything for me.
00:59:33 One of the things I learned yesterday is that
00:59:35 there's a difference between intimacy and pleasure for women
00:59:38 and men don't know the journey sometimes.
00:59:42 We don't walk the journey.
00:59:43 We want you to get right to the event,
00:59:45 not realizing that the journey can help
00:59:49 her to get to the place she needs to be.
00:59:53 So it's a journey.
00:59:56 Slow down, bro, take your time.
00:59:58 But we don't have that kind of conversation.
01:00:00 Yes, ma'am, saw a hand.
01:00:02 Almost finished, boy, this is rough up here, y'all.
01:00:05 So you have that husband who is well endowed.
01:00:08 Yes.
01:00:09 And he has that ego.
01:00:11 I mean, should you feel guilty for that pleasure moment
01:00:16 where you say, oh my God?
01:00:19 Should you feel guilty for saying,
01:00:21 bringing the Lord, or saying, oh my God,
01:00:23 and using God's name in that intimacy?
01:00:26 Oh, no, you're being too deep.
01:00:27 Thank the Lord.
01:00:30 Yeah, you need to thank you Jesus.
01:00:32 Bring him on in the room.
01:00:34 Yeah, yeah.
01:00:37 One of the things my mentor told me years ago,
01:00:41 and I would see it when I first got married,
01:00:44 he would say, man, God created it.
01:00:47 He said, when Adam and Eve came together,
01:00:50 it was something he did with the Hebrew,
01:00:52 he said, God smiled.
01:00:53 So when a man and woman were intimate, that made God smile.
01:00:59 I would tell you, sometimes, let's go make God smile.
01:01:02 Yeah, so, yeah, no, no, no, no, you're being too deep.
01:01:07 No, yeah, he got you calling on the Lord,
01:01:10 that mean he doing a good job.
01:01:12 Yeah, okay.
01:01:14 Okay, Willard Harley, W-I-L-L-A-R-D,
01:01:23 Willard Harley, H-A-R-L-E-Y, his needs, her needs.
01:01:29 All right, boy, this is rough.
01:01:33 I have never taught a lesson like this before.
01:01:37 That's what I'm saying, I got time for one more question.
01:01:40 W-I-L-L-A-R-D, Willard Harley, H-A-R-L-E-Y.
01:01:45 Yes, sir.
01:01:46 Thank you, got a man, of course, great.
01:01:49 - Pastor, I have a family member in the LGBTQ+ community,
01:01:54 and they're getting married.
01:01:56 - Yeah.
01:01:57 - They extended the invitation,
01:01:58 but my mother, Macon, Georgia.
01:02:01 - Yes.
01:02:02 - Take no part in another man's sin,
01:02:04 you don't go, just denied,
01:02:06 but the family member has said,
01:02:07 if you don't show up, you obviously don't care about me.
01:02:11 - Yeah.
01:02:12 - How do we as Christians navigate that?
01:02:13 - Well, let me say, I'm glad you said that,
01:02:15 and we'll answer this.
01:02:16 The question about the sin,
01:02:17 we're gonna deal with that too next,
01:02:20 I think that's third week, let me say this.
01:02:27 The blood of Jesus is what saves us.
01:02:30 Not being heterosexual.
01:02:35 Not accepting Jesus sends us to hell.
01:02:45 That mean that you stop struggling
01:02:49 whatever you're struggling with.
01:02:51 If salvation is based on a lack of struggle,
01:02:56 then that makes salvation a thing of works.
01:03:01 There are some people who will struggle
01:03:05 with what they feel, perhaps forever.
01:03:08 The Bible never said, the moment you stop struggling,
01:03:14 you go to heaven.
01:03:15 If not having a struggle was the prerequisite
01:03:22 for going to heaven, who would go?
01:03:25 (audience member speaking faintly)
01:03:30 Let me say that.
01:03:31 I wanna say that, because I think,
01:03:33 I'm gonna go deeper in this month.
01:03:35 See, we make it okay for, so fornicate, he cool,
01:03:42 'cause that's socially tolerant.
01:03:44 You can be saved and go to heaven, you like women.
01:03:47 Just can't go to heaven if you got that.
01:03:50 That's what I'm gonna say.
01:03:51 But to answer your question,
01:03:52 I wanna kind of hit that question,
01:03:54 and I'm gonna hit this the fourth week, too.
01:03:56 I believe
01:03:57 that we are hyper-spiritual at times.
01:04:04 I believe, I had a deacon once,
01:04:11 I'll talk about this next week,
01:04:13 who had a son who was gay, who loved my ministry
01:04:18 and loved our church, but his daddy
01:04:20 would never let him come.
01:04:23 Here.
01:04:24 Son of our town, and he told me
01:04:28 that my son loved his ministry,
01:04:31 but I was embarrassed to invite him
01:04:35 and for you to meet him.
01:04:37 And it made me ask myself the question,
01:04:39 what is it about me
01:04:40 that has made a deacon of our church
01:04:44 uncomfortable inviting his son,
01:04:48 'cause he's embarrassed about how I
01:04:51 or somebody else in the church will respond?
01:04:54 The moment your theology
01:04:57 doesn't allow you to be loving
01:05:00 and appreciative and respectful
01:05:04 of the humanity of somebody else
01:05:06 is a moment I think you gotta check your theology.
01:05:08 We gonna live in a world where people
01:05:13 are gonna have all types of preferences,
01:05:15 whether it be in the school system,
01:05:19 whether it be in military,
01:05:21 whether it be in the malls, restaurants,
01:05:25 everybody's not gonna have your religious thoughts.
01:05:29 And if there's a family member that you love
01:05:34 who has decided to make that choice,
01:05:39 love
01:05:41 says, "You're my child,
01:05:50 "and I'm still gonna embrace and love you."
01:05:53 Here's the truth, here's the truth.
01:05:57 Some of us have had relatives
01:06:00 that married heterosexual folks who were no good for 'em.
01:06:04 But it didn't stop you from going to the funeral.
01:06:11 You might be on a picture like this right here like,
01:06:14 how many of y'all have gone to a wedding
01:06:15 that you knew they were marrying somebody who was rotten,
01:06:17 a friend or family?
01:06:19 How many of y'all have ever been in a wedding
01:06:21 where you knew this don't feel right,
01:06:22 but it's my girl, it's my classmate,
01:06:24 but I'm gonna buy my dress and get my...
01:06:26 Even though you knew and didn't feel right about it,
01:06:33 you still supported.
01:06:36 So if they die,
01:06:40 are you gonna go to the funeral
01:06:43 'cause they married somebody else?
01:06:44 To me, I think we have placed orthodoxy above orthopraxy.
01:06:49 The Bible says by this you would know
01:06:53 that you're my disciple.
01:06:55 Not because you're religious and exclusive and elitist.
01:07:00 You're not becoming a partaker.
01:07:02 Whatever they do, that's between them and God.
01:07:04 You're not becoming a partaker.
01:07:09 You're just there to show love to whomever.
01:07:13 Here's the thing.
01:07:16 How many folk have got married
01:07:17 and we wanted God to come
01:07:18 and God wasn't nowhere, God showed up.
01:07:20 I think we're gonna have to learn how to deal with people
01:07:24 who are unlike us, even if you disagree.
01:07:28 Some of you gonna have nieces, nephews,
01:07:32 who gonna take people, you don't agree.
01:07:35 But that don't mean you don't show up.
01:07:39 I think the worst thing for us to do is not show up.
01:07:43 Just I'm gonna be here, I don't understand it,
01:07:47 it may not, but my love.
01:07:49 I'm coming 'cause of my love.
01:07:52 Not because of my approval.
01:07:56 Every wedding you attend is not because you approve
01:07:59 what's going on.
01:07:59 You don't approve everything your kids do.
01:08:05 Some of your kids have moved,
01:08:06 they bought houses, invite you over.
01:08:08 Some of your kids have had children.
01:08:11 I got a relative now that's thinking
01:08:12 about having a child in vitro.
01:08:13 She don't have a boyfriend,
01:08:14 she's getting older, she wants to have a child.
01:08:17 Well, so you gonna go artificial insemination?
01:08:19 Guess what?
01:08:23 I'm gonna have a great niece or a great nephew
01:08:24 probably in a year or so
01:08:26 that was conceived in vitro fertilization.
01:08:29 Am I not gonna go to the shower
01:08:31 'cause you didn't have a man
01:08:32 or you didn't get married first?
01:08:34 That gonna not be my nephew, my great niece
01:08:39 or my great nephew because of decisions she made?
01:08:42 Or am I gonna be Uncle Do-It-Regardless?
01:08:44 In my mind, there's too much pressure on you
01:08:48 to do this by yourself
01:08:49 and when you do that, ain't no child support.
01:08:51 When you go to the sperm bank, ain't no child support.
01:08:56 So it's on you to take care of a child
01:09:00 with no, not just, but no financial support.
01:09:04 But I'm gonna do it.
01:09:07 Do I say I'm not supporting or do I show up
01:09:11 because of decision they want to make
01:09:13 and my love is there?
01:09:15 Our love should be there when our understanding is not.
01:09:20 That's my belief.
01:09:27 'Cause guess what?
01:09:28 It ain't going nowhere.
01:09:29 You ain't the first and it's not gonna be.
01:09:34 The younger generation is more tolerant.
01:09:38 They're way more tolerant of diversity than we were.
01:09:41 The way we were young, when I was young,
01:09:44 we beat up, you know, we saw a guy who was gay,
01:09:47 we beat him, you can't play ball with us, uh-uh.
01:09:49 Uh-uh.
01:09:51 I ain't finna shake his hand, he can't play on my team, uh-uh.
01:09:54 I'm just being honest.
01:09:57 Somebody was gay when I was,
01:09:59 you don't want him nowhere around you.
01:10:01 A guy couldn't tell you he was gay
01:10:02 in the locker room playing football, uh-uh.
01:10:05 We gonna be in the shower together, uh-uh.
01:10:07 This is how we would socialize.
01:10:09 Am I right, fellas, am I right or am I wrong?
01:10:11 You wouldn't even shake hands with a gay guy.
01:10:15 You wouldn't hug a gay guy when I was growing up.
01:10:18 But then when I'm at church, I'm like, why?
01:10:22 You scared to hug a gay guy?
01:10:25 What, you scared you're gonna like something?
01:10:28 'Cause if you're secure in who you are,
01:10:32 gayness don't rub off in a handshake.
01:10:37 (laughs)
01:10:39 Come on, help me, yeah.
01:10:41 And if a handshake gonna change you and your sexuality,
01:10:44 you really wasn't solid in the first place.
01:10:48 Am I right, am I wrong?
01:10:51 Yeah, so we gotta find a way to love people.
01:10:53 I know who I am.
01:10:54 And when I say stuff like this, people say,
01:10:58 oh, you must, you take it, I'm not taking it from nobody,
01:11:00 I'm just trying to be like Jesus.
01:11:05 Love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself.
01:11:10 That's what he said, out of all the commandments.
01:11:16 He's gonna give you two or three of them.
01:11:19 Love God with all your heart, mind, soul,
01:11:21 and love your neighbor as yourself.
01:11:23 Before you get the LGBTQI, cisgender,
01:11:27 love God, love yourself, and love your neighbor as yourself.
01:11:33 Before we get to all these other nuances,
01:11:35 can we get that part right?
01:11:37 Just love God and love them like you love yourself.
01:11:43 We got the biggest Bible,
01:11:44 we don't send anybody to hell,
01:11:46 but can you just love God and love them
01:11:50 like you love yourself?
01:11:51 Yeah, it's not algebraic formula.
01:11:58 It's not a geometric equation.
01:12:00 It's not the SAT.
01:12:02 Love God.
01:12:03 If we can get that part right, just show up.
01:12:09 Going to a wedding of somebody,
01:12:11 ain't gonna make you, ain't gonna make you,
01:12:13 it's not gonna change your sexuality.
01:12:15 Am I right?
01:12:19 Pardon?
01:12:23 That happened to you?
01:12:27 Happened to you, yeah.
01:12:31 I just, here's what I'm saying.
01:12:32 We're gonna have coworkers.
01:12:34 You have coworkers in the next 10 years.
01:12:39 Well, it ain't the next 10 years, it's happening now.
01:12:41 And I just don't want us to be these unloving, hypocritical,
01:12:47 I'm the only one right.
01:12:49 How you gonna weak somebody like that?
01:12:52 How you gonna let your light shine if light ain't there?
01:12:56 But see, what we have done, we've messed up stuff,
01:13:02 'cause we say stuff, come out from among us.
01:13:04 Come out and be holy.
01:13:06 Come out from among us.
01:13:10 But now Jesus said, go ye.
01:13:12 Jesus told us to go, but then how we gonna come out
01:13:18 and go at the same time?
01:13:19 So that's what I think.
01:13:25 I hope, y'all, this was rough tonight for me.
01:13:27 I ain't never, this was.
01:13:30 (audience applauding)
01:13:32 This is not an easy subject.
01:13:33 So we're gonna go deep this whole month.
01:13:37 Tomorrow we have a Zoom at seven,
01:13:39 and it's gonna be more theology gear.
01:13:42 Did that go right past the corner tomorrow?
01:13:45 Oh, you sent it to me, okay.
01:13:47 I don't see, okay, yes.
01:13:48 What about?
01:13:50 You gave me paper, okay.
01:13:54 Okay, my bad.
01:13:56 I'm nervous.
01:13:57 So tomorrow's gonna be sexuality and the Bible,
01:14:01 and then Monday, sexuality and relationships,
01:14:05 and then Tuesday, how can I express my sexuality
01:14:07 without being judged?
01:14:09 Hey.
01:14:11 This is not gonna be an easy month, y'all,
01:14:15 but we gotta talk about this, 'cause people got questions.
01:14:18 And so if you wanna be a part of the Zoom,
01:14:22 you can just get information.
01:14:23 You can text 678-201-1351 to get the link.
01:14:27 So all of them will be at seven o'clock.
01:14:29 Tomorrow at seven, Monday at seven, and Tuesday at seven.
01:14:32 I saw a hand back there.
01:14:33 Okay, dates, October 5th is sexuality and the Bible
01:14:40 from a theological perspective.
01:14:42 Monday is sexuality and relationships.
01:14:46 Tuesday, how can I express my sexuality
01:14:48 without being judged?
01:14:50 Huh?
01:14:53 678-201-1351.
01:14:57 1351.
01:14:59 678-201-1351.
01:15:03 And then next Wednesday, y'all tune in live.
01:15:06 Just tune in online, and we're talking next week
01:15:11 about, we took it a step further.
01:15:14 Yeah, it's gonna go a little deeper next week.
01:15:18 And then the third week is gonna be rough,
01:15:20 and the fourth week is gonna be,
01:15:22 they're gonna set a bomb off in the fourth week.
01:15:26 But, and what we're doing, too,
01:15:28 because we couldn't answer everything this month,
01:15:30 we're starting a, we're gonna have a whole segment
01:15:33 of shows that we're gonna air on HOPE TV
01:15:36 that we're gonna talk about sexual dysfunction,
01:15:38 HIV/AIDS, QIA, erectile dysfunction.
01:15:43 When a woman gets older, I think they have
01:15:45 sometimes problems, I don't know what the thing is,
01:15:48 some physical problems, so we're gonna go through
01:15:50 all that kind of stuff.
01:15:51 'Cause it all affects the church, right?
01:15:54 And we won't talk about it.
01:15:56 And some of this stuff, you just can't pray away.
01:15:58 You know, if your husband ain't satisfied, pray about it.
01:16:03 No, I need, we're gonna have to,
01:16:05 I need more than prayer right now.
01:16:06 We need to have some conversations, right?
01:16:09 To get some solutions to this, okay?
01:16:11 Well, y'all okay tonight?
01:16:13 Y'all okay?
01:16:14 I hope I didn't embarrass you too much.
01:16:15 (audience applauding)
01:16:16 So we get ready to leave, and thank y'all for being here.
01:16:19 So I want you to make ready to give now.
01:16:21 We're gonna give unto the Lord today.
01:16:23 Now, those of you who are not here,
01:16:25 if you're watching online, keep sending your questions in.
01:16:28 And I think, if you have, are we receiving questions
01:16:32 this month, or we just, so how do they send questions?
01:16:37 Say it loud, go online and scan the QR code.
01:16:44 QR code on the website.
01:16:46 Okay, so if you go online, there's a QR code on the website.
01:16:49 And then there are cards being passed out here
01:16:51 for those in the audience.
01:16:53 Okay, we got cards.
01:16:54 QR code right there?
01:16:58 - Yes.
01:16:59 - Yeah, if you want to just scan that code
01:17:01 and put your questions in.
01:17:02 And the stuff that I can't answer,
01:17:04 we're gonna try to get somebody who can.
01:17:06 I tried to just give you a general overview.
01:17:09 Thank y'all for being patient and helping me
01:17:11 to get through this, 'cause this is not,
01:17:13 this is, you know, you don't want to say this
01:17:15 without being offensive to people.
01:17:17 And we'll have it broad enough, okay?
01:17:20 So we're gonna make ready to give.
01:17:21 I want to thank y'all for being present tonight.
01:17:23 And it's an honor to have you here with us.
01:17:26 I really appreciate it.
01:17:26 Pastor Connor, if you don't mind,
01:17:27 if you come and close us out with a word of prayer
01:17:30 and receive our offering, please.
01:17:32 And y'all give Pastor Connor, our global pastor,
01:17:35 online pastor, hands.
01:17:36 He's gonna come and close us out.
01:17:38 And if I can afford to sing you Sunday,
01:17:41 I want to see y'all Sunday.
01:17:43 Thank y'all for your patience with me.
01:17:47 I've been absent more than normal this year
01:17:50 for a variety of reasons.
01:17:52 The last few weeks, I've been blessed
01:17:56 to become the lead chaplain
01:17:58 for the University of Colorado football team.
01:18:00 And that's been a blessing.
01:18:03 So I'm trying to balance that
01:18:05 with our game schedule being here on Sunday.
01:18:08 So I'm not gonna miss too many Sundays, but.