We Lost our Beautiful Jenny, She Finally Beat Cancer
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00:00 Hey everybody.
00:26 Jenny had asked me to make this video a long time ago when this time came.
00:43 So this is just an update to let you know that Jenny, our beautiful, beautiful girl,
00:50 our beautiful angel, has become an angel.
01:15 She became a beautiful angel on November 5th, 2023 at exactly 5 o'clock.
01:32 We thought it was pretty fitting that she passed right at 5 on November 5th.
01:41 She was always big into signs, numbers.
01:47 This is beautiful.
01:54 So Jenny's earthly body is gone.
02:01 But as many of you know, her soul and her spirit will live on in all of us forever.
02:30 She got to come home.
02:33 She got to be with her kids.
02:37 She got what she wanted at the end.
02:41 She was only on hospice for less than a week.
02:53 It feels like forever, but it was a short time.
03:01 And she was ready to go.
03:07 Her poor body couldn't fight anymore.
03:09 And let me redirect that.
03:14 Her poor body went through enough.
03:18 Went through enough.
03:23 Jenny always told me that she was going to be excited for one thing when she passed,
03:33 among other things.
03:34 But you know what I mean.
03:35 There was something on this earth that she felt like kind of a booyah moment for when
03:43 she passed.
03:44 And she used to tell me, "I want you to let everyone know that I didn't lose any battle.
03:50 I didn't lose the fight.
03:51 I didn't lose anything.
03:53 I beat...
03:54 I beat cancer."
04:00 And some people might say, "What does that mean?"
04:06 She used to say, "When I'm gone and my heart is no longer beating, that cancer will not
04:12 be able to survive.
04:15 The cancer needs a body to thrive on.
04:18 And now hers is gone.
04:20 The cancer is dead.
04:22 She finally beat it."
04:32 These last few days have been very, very empty.
04:43 Although our house is full with many people who are supporting and helping us, my family,
04:51 her sister, her sister's husband, her best friend and kids, some of Jenny's other closest
05:00 friends, family members, have been at the house constantly helping me organize, cook
05:10 dinners, laundry, put up Christmas.
05:16 It's very nice.
05:26 But it sure feels empty here.
05:35 I miss my wife so much.
05:54 I miss my wife.
06:06 I'm going to have to learn a lot about this process, life after loss.
06:29 Right now it doesn't feel possible.
06:32 It doesn't feel real.
06:42 I feel the heaviest feeling I've ever felt.
06:47 I feel sick to my stomach.
07:00 The day that it happened was as beautiful as that day can be.
07:09 Some of it's really personal, but I'd like to share some things about the very end.
07:26 On the last night, on the 4th, she, in the middle of the night, tried to get out of bed.
07:37 I was sleeping right next to her.
07:40 We moved our regular bed into the living room and got rid of the hospital bed.
07:43 We didn't want anything to do with the hospital bed.
07:45 That's another story.
07:46 So we moved her huge, comfy bed into the living room.
07:49 It looked so cute.
07:50 We put Christmas stuff all around it.
07:55 She wasn't supposed to be getting out of bed.
07:56 There was no reason to.
07:58 She had all the things she needed in the bed.
08:03 She was unable to walk at the end.
08:08 She got out of bed quickly.
08:09 I was asleep next to her.
08:11 I felt her move.
08:13 I jumped up and I fall.
08:16 I pick her up off the ground.
08:19 She's so little.
08:21 So frail.
08:24 She was confused.
08:27 I lifted her back into the bed.
08:32 Her best friend and I asked her sister to come over.
08:37 Jenny was just kind of under some distress.
08:39 A little confused, a little scared.
08:43 Then her sister came over and she gave the biggest look of relief that I had seen in
08:49 a while.
08:51 We all just held her hand.
08:55 At one point she wanted to stand up again.
08:58 We're all trying to keep her down, keep her down.
09:00 She was adamant.
09:02 In her own way, she said, "I'm standing."
09:06 In her own words, in her own body language.
09:08 She stood.
09:09 It was one of the best moments of my life.
09:18 She wrapped her arms around me.
09:27 Just stood there for an embrace.
09:29 Such a nice hug.
09:33 It was almost like a little dance.
09:35 Then as soon as she did that, she laid down.
09:42 I called the nurse out.
09:47 She said that she was pretty positive that Jenny was transitioning.
09:55 We made her as comfortable as ever.
09:58 There was a lot of peace in her body, in her face.
10:03 She was very peaceful.
10:08 Then we said goodbye.
10:12 We all said goodbye.
10:16 My last day, all I did the whole day, her sister and her best friend were giving her
10:24 medicine.
10:26 I got to just lay with her the entire day.
10:29 Just hold her the entire day.
10:36 She couldn't do much.
10:38 There's a couple times where her hand gripped mine really tight.
10:48 I just got to keep my arms around her the whole time until she passed.
10:59 Jenny is gone, but she's not gone.
11:04 Her body is gone, but her spirit and her soul is with us all.
11:10 I talk to her every day.
11:18 The kids are really struggling, as am I.
11:23 We've all tried to keep ourselves busy.
11:28 Try not to think about it.
11:34 When we sit down, the nights are really hard.
11:37 When we sit down and think about it, it's really hard.
11:41 The last two nights before bed, I'm noticing I'm doing it in just my daily life so far.
11:48 I'm just talking to Jen.
11:50 It really makes me feel good.
11:56 There's an emptiness in our car.
11:57 There's an emptiness in our house.
11:59 There's an emptiness in the kids' rooms.
12:03 There's an emptiness just throughout the house.
12:09 It's all missing mommy's touch, just mommy's presence.
12:14 We have to keep going for the kids.
12:28 Jenny told me that it's going to be hard to be a single dad, take care of two little ones
12:39 while they're grieving the loss of their mom, while I'm grieving the loss of my best friend
12:44 and wife.
12:48 It's already been a challenge.
12:51 But I understand, they lost their mom.
13:03 Jenny is the most beautiful person I've ever known.
13:07 She's the most perfect person I've ever known.
13:13 I talked to her the whole last day and I whispered in her ear many times, "Thank you.
13:21 Thank you for loving me.
13:23 Thank you for guiding me.
13:25 Thank you for giving me my beautiful children.
13:29 Thank you for loving me."
13:34 I just couldn't think of anything else but to say thank you.
13:39 She did so much for us.
13:41 She loved being a mom so much.
13:44 She loved being a mom.
13:54 You know, we used to say if cancer didn't happen, we probably would have had four, five,
14:03 six kids knowing us.
14:05 We loved kids.
14:06 We love kids.
14:08 She loved being pregnant.
14:09 She loved giving birth.
14:11 She loved being a mom.
14:38 Today marked one of the first times we had to do arrangement type things.
14:45 For now, life after loss.
14:49 So her sister went down with me and we did that.
14:59 Jenny is so beautiful.
15:01 All I can think to say is that she is so beautiful and she is so good.
15:09 I just said over and over to her, "You are so good.
15:12 You're so kind.
15:14 You're so perfect."
15:15 I know that she was.
15:21 She's so beautiful.
15:25 On the outside, on the inside, her soul, her kindness.
15:31 I haven't met anybody like her.
15:37 You know, we talked about it all the time.
15:43 She would say, she'd look at me after the kids would go to bed.
15:49 She'd say, "Kyle, I feel like this is stupid to be true."
15:51 I'd say, "What are you talking about?"
15:58 And she'd say, "Our life, I feel like it's too perfect.
16:01 Something bad is bound to happen.
16:03 It's too perfect."
16:04 And I used to say, "You're crazy.
16:10 We're allowed to be happy.
16:12 We found our soulmates.
16:14 We have two beautiful children.
16:16 We love our life.
16:17 We love each other.
16:18 That's okay.
16:19 We're allowed to have that."
16:20 And then cancer happened.
16:26 I feel a lot of anger towards cancer right now.
16:33 It's not, it doesn't make any sense.
16:35 It's an inanimate object.
16:37 I really feel angry.
16:42 Just a cancer.
16:44 No anger towards anything else.
16:46 Just purely a cancer.
16:49 That it could take someone so beautiful, so strong.
16:57 So per the request of my wife, if you do say anything about her, just make sure to say
17:04 she did not lose her battle.
17:07 She won.
17:09 She wanted people to know that.
17:11 She finally beat cancer.
17:12 It's dead.
17:15 Right?
17:17 So please go with that.
17:26 I don't know.
17:27 I don't know what today looks like.
17:29 I don't know what tomorrow looks like.
17:30 The kids, you know, it had been since she went to the hospital, the kids hadn't gone
17:36 to school.
17:37 Today, I decided to try and take them to school and they did an amazing job.
17:41 I'm so proud of them.
17:42 Winnie asked to go home early and that's okay.
17:44 I picked her up.
17:46 She did more than half of the day.
17:47 I'm so proud of her.
17:48 Ellis did the whole day.
17:49 So great.
17:50 We're just going to take it day by day.
17:54 Some days will be harder than others.
17:56 Some days will be okay.
17:58 Some days will laugh.
17:59 Some days will cry.
18:03 I really, really find myself breaking down a lot.
18:08 I feel so empty.
18:15 I feel lost.
18:24 But Jenny told me that she would visit me.
18:28 She would leave signs.
18:30 So I just keep asking her every day.
18:35 One thing that we said that we thought was cute is obviously everybody thinks of lady
18:39 bugs when they think of Jenny, right?
18:42 We think of lady bugs.
18:43 We think of butterflies.
18:44 Another one was pennies.
18:47 She was big on when we'd find a penny on the ground, she'd say this tune to the kids, "Find
18:52 a penny, pick it up, then all day you'll have good luck."
18:56 And I never heard of that until she said it.
18:58 And the kids would always pick up the pennies and it was cute.
19:04 So I'm like, "Okay, pennies.
19:06 I like that."
19:07 And the other day I went to the car wash because I just needed a moment.
19:12 So I took Winnie on a date to the car wash.
19:14 It was really sad.
19:19 I went to the register to pay for my car wash and there was a penny on the counter.
19:28 I was happy.
19:29 I was happy.
19:36 So Jenny has asked me to continue this journey.
19:44 She wants me to show the grieving process, show our family, and how we get through this.
19:58 Thank you all for the love that you show my wife every day.
20:03 Thank you all for the kindness.
20:06 Thank you all for the words and the prayers, all the amazing cards and PO Box things.
20:11 I mean, I can't thank you guys enough.
20:22 This was her favorite time of year, fall, right before Christmas.
20:29 It's pretty fitting that she went now.
20:38 So where do we go from here?
20:45 I don't know.
20:57 One of her last big bursts of energy, I think I told you guys, she wanted to watch The Wizard
21:02 of Oz.
21:04 She made it to the whole movie.
21:06 It's pretty awesome.
21:08 So again, if you haven't watched it, watch it in her honor.
21:11 She would love that.
21:14 That was her last big burst of energy.
21:16 The next day was not a lot of energy.
21:19 The day after that she passed.
21:24 But in true Jenny fashion, she passed with so much beauty, so much kindness.
21:29 She was so sweet.
21:34 So I love my wife.
21:43 I love you guys.
21:44 And just be thinking of us, okay?
21:54 My beautiful kids.
21:58 Somebody had said in one of the YouTube comments, "Look at the shining twinkling stars up there."
22:04 And I'm sure I'm getting it wrong, but it's a new place for Jenny up there.
22:10 Twinkling star.
22:13 The hospice nurse that came to declare Jenny said she saw a shooting star go right over
22:21 our house, near our house.
22:24 Jenny would do that.
22:26 Jenny said, "Look for anything that glitters, that sparkles, anything of nature.
22:32 Pick up a stick."
22:33 Just one thing she would want is for us to all go into nature and just sit, relax, take
22:55 in the peace.
22:57 We love that more than anything.
23:06 Thank you all for your concern.
23:08 Thank you for giving us this time.
23:09 I know we haven't posted in a couple days and it's obvious why.
23:13 And I really appreciate all of you for giving us that time.
23:16 Because we couldn't say anything or do anything in that time.
23:21 We love you all.
23:23 We will continue this journey.
23:24 We'll continue filming and showing the grieving process as we move along.
23:39 Just remember how beautiful Jenny was, how perfect she was, and how kind she was.
23:46 My perfect baby.
23:48 I love you, Jenny.
23:51 I love you guys.
23:55 Till next time, bye guys.
23:56 Bye.
23:59 Bye.
24:02 Bye.
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24:08 Bye.
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24:25 Bye.
24:27 Bye.
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26:22 Bye.
26:32 Bye.
26:42 Bye.
26:52 Bye.
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