We're Not 'Gang Rivals' - We're Lovers | LOVE DON'T JUDGE
TRINO and Adam have been together for 18 years, but the couple have endured backlash throughout their relationship. Both proud Mexican-Americans, the men's Chicano culture means that not everyone approved of their love. Speaking to truly about their culture, Trino explained: "The gay man, it's an embarrassment to the family," and Adam added: "Someone said they'd rather be a drug addict than gay. It's the bottom of the barrel for some people." Growing up in Los Angeles' gang neighbourhoods, the pair's dress sense has been heavily influenced by their upbringing. Adam said: "Sometimes people will say, 'It's ok to be gay, but just dress like you're gay,'... How do you dress like you're gay?" Agreeing, Trino added: "People want us to be a certain way, they just can't understand that gay guys come from the hood!" In this episode of Love Don't Judge, Trino and Adam will have an honest conversation with Trina's sister, Brenda, about her initial concerns of the relationship. We'll also meet the couple's daughter, Natalie, who opens up on how people reacted to her having two dads. Reflecting on their relationship judgement, Adam said: "People see us and they think a certain way, but you know what, for us, we really give our heart."
Transcript
00:00 This is Trino.
00:01 He fell in love with Adam.
00:04 People often stereotype the couple.
00:06 - We're not gang rivals, we're lovers.
00:08 - And their cultural backgrounds
00:10 mean that their relationship
00:11 hasn't always been plain sailing.
00:13 - You can't live your life expecting people
00:15 to just fully embrace you all the time.
00:17 That's just not how life is.
00:18 In our culture, the gay man,
00:20 it's an embarrassment to the family.
00:21 - Someone said, "I would rather you be a drug addict
00:23 "than be gay."
00:24 Like, there's no bigger crime than that.
00:26 If you sleep with a man because you love them,
00:29 then you're gonna go straight to hell.
00:30 - My name is Trino, and this is my partner, Adam.
00:34 And people think that we're gang rivals,
00:36 but we're actually lovers.
00:37 And we've been together for 18 years.
00:39 - 18 years.
00:39 When we first met, when we would go
00:41 and get in an apartment together,
00:42 we always said that we were cousins.
00:45 - We're Mexican-Americans,
00:46 and we're also here in California.
00:48 There's a Chicano culture,
00:49 and I'm first generation Mexican.
00:51 - My grandma, she's from Mexico.
00:52 My mom, she was born here.
00:54 So I'm like 20th.
00:55 - You're like, what, third generation?
00:57 - The Chicano culture, the Mexican culture,
00:59 the Latino culture, it's just so intense,
01:00 especially us being boys.
01:02 Growing up in a neighborhood where there's gang-related,
01:05 it became part of our culture for us to survive.
01:07 I think that your mom, definitely my mom,
01:09 how we're making our families look, the shame.
01:12 - When I first came out to my mom,
01:13 she told me, "I don't have a son anymore.
01:16 "I have nothing but daughters."
01:17 - The gay man, it's an embarrassment to the family.
01:20 I knew this since I was young.
01:21 - Like when I met you, someone said,
01:22 "I would rather you be a drug addict than be gay."
01:25 It's like the bottom of the barrel for some people.
01:27 It just feels like there's no bigger crime than that.
01:30 It's like you can go and you can cheat on your wife
01:32 and you can go and beat people up on the daily,
01:34 but if you sleep with a man because you love them,
01:37 then you're gonna go straight to hell.
01:39 - My sister Brenda, she's always been really protective.
01:42 I'm excited, but I'm nervous to see what she's gonna say.
01:45 To hear her talk about how she felt back then,
01:49 she's definitely had a lot of different emotions
01:51 when I came out.
01:52 You know, my sister's a really honest person.
01:54 I think it's also healthy to hear her point of view.
01:57 - Well, I thought they were just good friends.
02:02 - Hey!
02:03 - My husband told me, "I think they're together."
02:08 And then I'm like, "No, why would you say that?"
02:10 - I'm so excited you came.
02:11 - Yeah, me too.
02:13 - We were younger, so we didn't really talk about it
02:15 that much.
02:16 So Brenda, why were you concerned about
02:17 Trino being with, being gay?
02:19 - Well, him being treated different,
02:21 especially in the family,
02:22 'cause you know in our culture,
02:24 it could be a little bit like, "What?"
02:26 And it wasn't 'cause I was gonna let him.
02:29 I was just, I feel like it could be a tough life.
02:31 You know, it could define you.
02:34 So I was like, "No, he's not gay."
02:36 - I understand what you're saying,
02:38 because I feel like there's times,
02:39 a lot of times we go to events,
02:41 and we always feel like this could be the day,
02:44 you know, that we're gonna meet someone
02:45 that's not always gonna feel us, you know?
02:47 It's always a thought in our mind,
02:48 but we're never gonna let it define who we are.
02:51 - You relate to me without you not being a gay man.
02:54 We relate too much to struggles,
02:56 our relationships, life, point of view.
02:58 - I just love the fact that you've never changed with us.
03:00 You've always made us feel like we're just normal people.
03:03 - We're normal.
03:05 I'm normal.
03:05 (laughs)
03:06 - There's no such thing as normal.
03:08 - This is Trino's part of clothing, you know?
03:10 I like to just stay with, you know,
03:12 just things I'm comfortable with,
03:14 you know, things that look cool.
03:15 - There's a brand here.
03:16 - Oh, sorry.
03:17 - And I love it because it's definitely giving Cholita.
03:20 - Yeah.
03:21 - Like bandanas is very like a Cholo thing.
03:23 It's a very classic shirt, you know,
03:26 especially in the Chicano culture.
03:27 When we wear this shirt, we're trying to be Cholos.
03:30 That's what they say.
03:31 - So what are Cholitas?
03:33 - A Cholita is like a gangster, you know?
03:34 It's a girl gang member.
03:36 They wear the makeup a certain way.
03:37 They feather their hair back.
03:39 They're part of gangs, you know?
03:40 And it's the girl version of a Cholo.
03:42 A Cholo is the boy gangster.
03:44 And it's because, you know, you're gay.
03:46 - Basically saying that we're males,
03:47 but we're basically females.
03:48 That they're creating our sexuality,
03:51 our manhood because we're gay,
03:53 but we're having an image.
03:54 When in reality, this is not an image to us.
03:56 It's just clothes.
03:56 Yeah, they make it seem like you can't wear certain things.
03:58 Like it's a uniform.
03:59 In the Chicano culture, it's a gang, you know?
04:02 And I understand it, and I don't do it to respect nobody.
04:04 If it bothers people, that doesn't seem to be my problem.
04:07 - Some people are like,
04:08 "Oh, you guys are trying to act like the Cholos.
04:09 You're trying to act like you're hard.
04:10 You're trying to act like something you're not."
04:12 This is all I know how to be.
04:14 - People want us to be a certain way.
04:16 They just can't understand that, you know,
04:17 gay guys come from the hood.
04:19 And I'm not afraid to show it and to embrace who I am.
04:22 - Sometimes people will say like,
04:23 "You know, it's okay to be gay,
04:24 but just dress like you're gay."
04:25 Like, how do you dress like you're gay, you know?
04:29 - Yup, this is it.
04:31 Growing up, I just decided to wear the armor.
04:35 I had this demeanor of me, like I don't give a (beep)
04:37 You know what I mean?
04:38 I walked to a room, they just knew not to (beep) with me.
04:40 Oh, they just remember this sign?
04:42 I look good.
04:43 - You look all right.
04:45 (laughs)
04:47 - Can you give me my curly hair?
04:48 (laughs)
04:50 This is one of the first pictures we ever took together.
04:53 - It was in the beginning,
04:54 and I just remember feeling so in love.
04:57 - Growing up, the place that we lived at,
04:58 like, you don't wear red.
05:01 That was something that would never be in my closet.
05:03 - I don't wear red. - That was programmed.
05:05 But now, like, as an adult, like, I feel like, yeah,
05:07 I embrace the color red, and red looks really good on me.
05:11 - It does look good.
05:12 The thing is with the whole gang thing,
05:13 it's like, they don't have nothing,
05:14 but they only have their neighborhood.
05:16 So they don't have nothing going but this.
05:18 So I'm gonna protect this.
05:20 We get a lot of comments on TikTok,
05:22 basically all social media, about how we look.
05:25 - So sad, sad.
05:26 Where did it first happen for you both?
05:29 YA or LA County?
05:30 - A lot of people think that we met in prison.
05:32 - There's this one comment, it says,
05:33 "I remember these fools from the pinta."
05:35 That's prison.
05:36 I've never been in prison.
05:38 He's never been in prison.
05:39 - I don't even have a record.
05:40 - It made us strongest as a couple
05:41 when all we have is each other, you know?
05:43 So we depend on each other.
05:44 Like, if he's fighting, I'm fighting.
05:46 - It's kind of normal for me
05:48 because I always grew up with two gay dads.
05:51 With Adam, he's been in my life since I was two,
05:53 so I really only remember just him being my dad,
05:55 not my stepdad.
05:57 But I kept it very private when it came to my dads.
06:01 If someone asked and I felt comfortable enough,
06:03 I would tell them.
06:04 But I just knew, I think, at a really young age
06:06 that people are very judgmental,
06:07 especially with gay parents.
06:09 I think at the time,
06:10 I don't think it was as accepting as it is now.
06:13 - Hey, baby.
06:14 - I always had a really good childhood.
06:16 I feel like they always did their best
06:17 to make it fun and interesting.
06:21 I don't think they ever told me that they were gay.
06:25 It's just something naturally I just always knew
06:28 when I was little.
06:29 A lot of people would ask, "Oh, so where's your mom?"
06:31 And honestly, I don't really remember what I used to say,
06:34 but if I felt comfortable enough, I would just tell them.
06:37 It was just very private.
06:39 - She's still private.
06:40 (laughing)
06:42 - It was mostly them that experienced all that judgment.
06:45 And it was hard to watch 'cause it's like,
06:48 these people are just assuming a lot.
06:50 Judge them based on how they looked.
06:52 They're covered in tattoos.
06:54 The way they dress.
06:55 I think they just assume like they're part of a gang
06:59 or something.
07:00 They're like in the hood, like doing bad things.
07:03 - The misconceptions I feel was that being gay parents,
07:07 you're gonna raise a gay child, you know?
07:09 - And I think a lot of people also think
07:10 that she was gonna need some intense therapy
07:12 because of the confusion.
07:14 And our baby shows us that she's so strong.
07:17 She's so strong-minded.
07:18 She's so aware of who she is.
07:20 And she's so focused.
07:21 And she's just definitely like the best part of us.
07:24 She reminds us that us raising her with love
07:27 and protection and honesty is the best recipe, you know?
07:30 So do that to your kids.
07:32 (laughing)
07:34 We're just family, whatever you call that.
07:37 It's cousin, homies, brother.
07:39 - Do you guys understand why I was concerned
07:40 in the beginning?
07:41 Like I know that I said I was mad,
07:43 but I feel like I could have helped you come out,
07:46 but we didn't talk about our feelings.
07:48 And I go back and I think,
07:50 was there something I could have helped you?
07:51 Like, you know how I am now?
07:53 What could I do to help you come out to mom and dad?
07:55 - Yeah.
07:56 - Or to anybody, you know?
07:57 I'm proud of you because you did it.
07:59 You found your own strength and you did it.
08:01 - You dealt with it in a way
08:02 that you never made me feel alone.
08:04 You know what I'm saying?
08:05 - And it was so new and it was something
08:06 you had to learn how to deal with, you know?
08:08 So I get it.
08:09 You have been such a definer of our journey
08:11 and you've seen us not maybe embrace ourselves.
08:14 - And you've never made us look judged.
08:16 - No, this thing is my safe place.
08:18 - Cheers, homies.
08:19 - You know I am.
08:20 - Yay!
08:21 - Too long, it's been too long.
08:22 - Thank you for loving us, Brenda.
08:23 - Nice seeing you, homie.
08:24 - Bye.
08:25 - I love you so much.
08:26 - We've been honest with ourselves.
08:27 Our life hasn't been perfect.
08:29 Our relationship's not perfect,
08:30 but that's what makes us right now.
08:32 So for us to really live our life very transparent,
08:35 it feels amazing.
08:37 - So the recipe is just live your truth, you know?
08:40 - People see us and they think a certain way,
08:42 but you know what, for us, we really give our hearts.
08:45 You guys were like the missing pieces to my puzzle
08:47 and my puzzle is finally been completed.
08:49 - Thank you, Bobby, for having my back
08:52 and loving me when I felt like I was on love myself.
08:54 You know what I mean?
08:55 So, you know.
08:56 (slurping)
08:58 (laughing)
09:00 ♪ Guys, guys ♪
09:02 ♪ Guys, guys ♪
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