WHEN APOLOGIES MEAN NOTHING! Freedomain Livestream

Stefan Molyneux

29 November 2023 Livestream  Imagine that you're a strong swimmer, suddenly caught in a riptide! A lifeguard spots you, giving you a "thumbs up" from his chair, but does not help you. You get to shore, eventually, and then...   Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!  Get my new series on the Truth About the French Revolution, access to the audiobook for my new book 'Peaceful Parenting,' StefBOT-AI, private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and more!  See you soon!  https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022

Transcript

00:00:00 Welcome to the end of the month, November 2023.

00:00:05 I'm here for you, and if there's something you want to talk about, I'm all ears.

00:00:11 I have something that I can certainly talk about.

00:00:15 I have something which is pretty deep and passionate and powerful.

00:00:19 However, I did a first draft of it just in answering locals' questions today, so I'm

00:00:24 happy to release that.

00:00:26 Or you can hear, I guess, both versions if you guys let me read what I'm responding to,

00:00:33 and then you can tell me.

00:00:37 Somebody wrote, "After hearing a great show with Izzy, a question popped into my head.

00:00:41 Whenever you have a great time with your daughter, do you ever feel sorry for your parents for

00:00:44 completely missing out on this?

00:00:45 Do you ever stop and wonder, 'Wow, you guys really effed it up and lost one of the greatest

00:00:50 relationships you could have ever had.'"

00:00:54 I sometimes have that thought when going through great moments with my sons, and I feel a little

00:00:59 bit sad for the fact that my parents had an amazing kid on their hands, me, and chose

00:01:04 to throw it all away on the altar of violence, addiction, and depression.

00:01:08 Do you guys ever have this sentimentality for people who've done you wrong?

00:01:14 It's a kind of love your enemies thing.

00:01:17 Have you ever had that?

00:01:18 Because, yeah, I want to deal with things that are vivid and impactful to you as the

00:01:24 most glorious audience in the history of the internet, and the history that the internet

00:01:28 will ever have, because everything after this gets to reference this.

00:01:34 First time catching you live.

00:01:37 Brings a smile to your face.

00:01:38 Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

00:01:39 It's my pleasure.

00:01:40 Thank you so much for dropping by.

00:01:41 I appreciate your support.

00:01:42 You can, of course, tip me here.

00:01:45 Maybe let me sweat and earn it a little bit first if you like.

00:01:47 You can tip me ahead of time knowing that I'm going to produce great stuff.

00:01:50 Or, of course, if you're listening to this later, freedomain.com/donate.

00:01:55 Polaris says, "Yes, I'm an amazing parent.

00:01:57 My parents were awful."

00:01:58 Awful.

00:01:59 I'm sorry to hear that.

00:02:02 I really am.

00:02:07 Is this, hit me with a why, if this question about sentimentality to evildoers is something

00:02:11 that you struggle with.

00:02:15 Hit me with a why, if this is something that would be of value to you.

00:02:18 Otherwise, I'm very happy to talk about anything else that is on your mind.

00:02:26 Definitely you've had this notion.

00:02:34 Would you like to know how to, I think, most rationally deal with this emotion?

00:02:45 You take care of your father anyway?

00:02:48 If you could do me a favor, and I appreciate your support, but tips of a dollar end up

00:02:51 with, I've got to track it and report on it and all of that, and I give up a fair amount

00:02:55 in fees.

00:02:56 So, if you're down to your last dollar, please don't send it to me.

00:02:59 Keep it for yourself.

00:03:01 I would really, really appreciate that.

00:03:03 All right.

00:03:04 Thank you, Sammami.

00:03:06 I really, really appreciate that.

00:03:08 All right.

00:03:09 Get ready to unpack.

00:03:11 Hit me with R if you'd like the reasoning, or S if you would like the story.

00:03:16 Narrative?

00:03:17 I mean, I can do both.

00:03:18 Which do you want first, the reasoning or the analogy, the story?

00:03:24 The fable.

00:03:27 The fiction that bears within it.

00:03:29 The great curly-headed birthstone of truth.

00:03:33 Reason, reason, S, S, S. Oh, we got some snakes.

00:03:38 Trust in me.

00:03:39 Trust in me.

00:03:40 Trust in me.

00:03:41 Okay, so I'll do the story.

00:03:44 Have you ever been in danger in the sea?

00:03:46 Have you ever been in danger in the sea?

00:03:50 Struggling with a riptide, sudden storm, swimming, cold, cramps, strange shadow you hope is a

00:03:56 dolphin swimming underneath, something like that.

00:03:58 Have you ever been in trouble like the sailor who fell from grace with the sea?

00:04:06 I certainly have.

00:04:07 Sometimes I won't get into the details, just typical stuff.

00:04:10 A couple of cramps, shadows under me, which fortunately turned out to be dolphins, not

00:04:15 sharks, snorkeling trapped in an old ship.

00:04:20 It's hard to get out.

00:04:21 Yeah, so I've been in danger.

00:04:25 Now, I want you to picture something.

00:04:33 You're swimming, you're a strong swimmer, but a really chilly riptide hits you and then

00:04:40 you get stung by a jellyfish.

00:04:43 Not some death rope man-of-war stuff, but just something that causes problems, cramps,

00:04:50 pain, and you suddenly realize life can change like this.

00:04:53 We're like, "Dum-de-dum, it's a lovely day for a swim.

00:04:56 Oh my God, I'm going to die in 30 seconds."

00:05:00 Now, there is a lifeguard.

00:05:05 You can see him, his chair, his dot, people on the beach.

00:05:08 There's a lifeguard who's got his binoculars out, Roy Scheider style, he's scanning the

00:05:12 horizon and you're like, "Oh, hey, oh!"

00:05:16 Cramp, riptide, jellyfish, whatever you can scream.

00:05:21 You can see him giving you the thumbs up.

00:05:22 He takes out his cell phone, he starts filming you.

00:05:27 You're like, "What the living F is going on here?"

00:05:31 Lifeguard, one job, rescue people in trouble, me, person in trouble, lifeguard, thumbs up,

00:05:37 filming.

00:05:39 And you realize you're on your own, man.

00:05:41 You're going to just have to do it yourself.

00:05:45 And you can't swim while massaging your cramped muscles.

00:05:48 You've got to get yourself out of the cold blast and the riptide that's pulling you further

00:05:52 out.

00:05:53 So you've got to go with the riptide because you know if you swim against the riptide,

00:05:56 you're going to tire yourself out and you hope that the riptide isn't going to push

00:06:00 you into another forest of finding Nemo style jellyfish, death sting heads.

00:06:07 And long story short, you battle for like 45 minutes, which doesn't seem that long,

00:06:13 but man, if you're in cold water struggling to stay afloat, that's a long ass time.

00:06:18 And you finally get to the shore.

00:06:23 And you realize that the lifeguard and the people on the beach are just kind of laughing

00:06:30 at you.

00:06:31 Like, "Bro, that was wild, man.

00:06:33 I thought they had you."

00:06:35 And he's filming you.

00:06:36 "I'm live streaming, man.

00:06:38 People are like, they were cheering you on.

00:06:39 It was cool."

00:06:42 And you're like literally coughing up blood.

00:06:45 You got seawater behind your eyeballs.

00:06:47 Your muscles are cramped, trembling.

00:06:49 You can see the twitching of the muscles under your skin.

00:06:51 You barely made it.

00:06:59 And you just lie there shaking and trembling, coughing up seawater, half dead.

00:07:04 Then eventually you drag yourself up off the beach.

00:07:07 And there's a beach hospital there.

00:07:10 You stagger in.

00:07:12 You're in bed for two days.

00:07:15 They rehydrate you, give you saline, whatever they do.

00:07:18 And you've survived.

00:07:22 Now two weeks later, you're in the same town.

00:07:26 Two weeks later, you're having lunch.

00:07:31 And you're reading the story about how a lifeguard filmed somebody almost drowning.

00:07:38 And that lifeguard is being hailed as a contemptuous post and career and life abandoning, wretched,

00:07:45 shallow, social media addicted coward from hell.

00:07:48 Like his reputation is wrecked and destroyed.

00:07:51 He's going to get fired.

00:07:52 He could get criminal charges of negligence.

00:07:54 He's just...

00:07:55 You're reading this at a cafe two weeks after this.

00:08:10 And a guy comes running up to you, bumps into the table.

00:08:13 He's bawling.

00:08:14 It's the lifeguard.

00:08:15 He's bawling.

00:08:16 He's screaming.

00:08:17 "I need to help you.

00:08:18 What can I do to help?

00:08:19 I'm just...

00:08:20 I need to help you.

00:08:21 What can I do?

00:08:22 What can I do?

00:08:23 Do you want another napkin?

00:08:24 Can I...

00:08:25 Can I change your knife and fork?

00:08:26 It looks a little spotty.

00:08:27 I need to help you, man."

00:08:28 And then the guy that gets taken out by security or the restaurant to a hotel, he's like, "I'm

00:08:29 not going to help you.

00:08:30 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:31 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:32 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:33 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:34 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:35 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:36 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:37 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:38 I'm not going to help you.

00:08:39 I'm not going to help you."

00:08:40 And then the guy that gets taken out by security or the restaurant tour or something, and then

00:08:50 you find out later that he did get fired.

00:08:52 And people are looking at him with some contempt.

00:08:54 And he didn't end up getting criminally charged or anything like that.

00:08:57 But you know, he's kind of known as the beach coward, the sand-based security cat or whatever,

00:09:06 right?

00:09:07 Now, you almost died as a result of this guy laughing and filming when it was his job to

00:09:13 protect you.

00:09:15 Would you sit there and say, "Oh, man, I feel so sorry for that guy.

00:09:20 I mean, he could have been kind of a hero.

00:09:21 He could have come out there and saved me.

00:09:25 He didn't have to...

00:09:26 He could have waited until I was out of the way of the jellyfish.

00:09:30 You know, I mean, getting out of the riptide was only half the journey.

00:09:32 He could have come and helped me in, and he would have been filmed and been a hero, and

00:09:36 you know, I would have had a friend for life."

00:09:38 And I mean, what a shame.

00:09:42 What a sad, sad shame.

00:09:44 And the guy keeps phoning you and harassing you, man.

00:09:46 "I need you to put out a public statement that I couldn't have helped you.

00:09:48 I couldn't have saved you, man.

00:09:49 I need you to backtrack.

00:09:51 You know, I need you to forgive me.

00:09:53 I need you to do things for me, man.

00:09:55 My life is falling apart.

00:09:56 People are treating me like shit."

00:10:02 How sorry for him are you going to feel?

00:10:15 You won't admit he did anything wrong.

00:10:16 He just needs you to say something so that he faces fewer consequences for his bad actions.

00:10:21 "I want you to answer me something, please.

00:10:44 If I almost died, his reputation can die."

00:10:45 Well, he's asking you to falsify your experience and forgive him for something he's...

00:10:51 Like, what's the only reason he's asking for forgiveness?

00:10:53 It's because he's in trouble.

00:10:54 His life is negative.

00:10:55 He has a problem now.

00:10:57 You almost dying and him laughing about it.

00:10:59 He hasn't learned anything.

00:11:01 He just wants you to fix his problem that he created by almost killing you.

00:11:13 And if you later found out that somebody else was filming that lifeguard on the beach and

00:11:17 other people wanted to come in and save you, he's like, "No, no, no, no.

00:11:19 I got it.

00:11:20 Stand back.

00:11:21 I'm the professional.

00:11:22 I know where the riptides are.

00:11:23 I know where the sandbars are.

00:11:25 I know where the jellyfish are.

00:11:26 Just wait."

00:11:27 And he kept everyone back from helping you and saving you while continuing to film you.

00:11:32 And then he was like, "Psych, I'm just kidding.

00:11:34 I'm not going to go save him."

00:11:35 Right?

00:11:36 All right.

00:11:46 Let me ask you this.

00:11:52 If you, let's say you have an abusive parent and you separate from that abusive parent,

00:11:59 do you believe that the abuse is now over?

00:12:01 It's all done.

00:12:02 It's all gone and in the past.

00:12:06 It could be a parent.

00:12:07 It could be a, I mean, parents, the most obvious because you don't choose to have them in your

00:12:12 life to begin with, but it could be a business colleague.

00:12:16 It could be a boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever.

00:12:24 When you separate from an abusive relationship, is the abuse over?

00:12:33 Is it all done?

00:12:43 This is me starting to make the reasoning case after the analogy because the analogy

00:12:46 is not a proof.

00:12:47 It's an illustration.

00:12:49 Not if you're required to conceal the truth to absolve them of consequences.

00:12:52 Well, no, if you've separated, then you are no longer required to conceal the truth.

00:12:57 Okay.

00:12:58 So if you say that the abuse is not over when you separate from an abuser, why is the, I

00:13:03 mean, active abuse, I don't mean the effects of abuse, I mean, because that can't be undone.

00:13:07 I don't mean the effects of abuse.

00:13:08 I mean, active abuse.

00:13:10 Is the active abuse done?

00:13:11 No, they're in your head.

00:13:14 No, based upon their actions.

00:13:24 All based on their actions, not in your head and not the effects.

00:13:38 Act is done?

00:13:39 Paula?

00:13:40 Okay.

00:13:41 It's in the past.

00:13:44 It's done.

00:13:45 Sorry, this is going to hurt a little and it's early in the day to be hurt a little,

00:13:50 but you know, it's the kind of hurt that heals, I think.

00:13:54 It's not done.

00:13:56 It's not done.

00:14:01 Even if you've a hundred percent separated, everyone who's done you wrong, who refuses

00:14:08 to take responsibility, continues to abuse you.

00:14:14 Are they still unrepentant?

00:14:17 You guys are smart enough to stay with the analogy.

00:14:18 If they were truly repentant, you probably wouldn't have separated from them.

00:14:21 Have they apologized, admitted fault?

00:14:23 Well, no, you've separated from them.

00:14:27 If somebody has done you great harm and refuses to take responsibility, every day they refuse

00:14:32 to take responsibility, they don't apologize, make amends, restitution, whatever they need

00:14:36 to do, they are continuing to abuse you.

00:14:46 Because you have to wrestle with it alone and they won't take responsibility, so you

00:14:49 have to manage all of that in your head.

00:14:51 They're putting additional burdens, time, energy, emotional resources, drainage, everything

00:14:55 is on you.

00:15:00 If you've been in a situation, I don't know if you have, you can tell me if you have,

00:15:03 if you've been in a situation, have you been in a situation, sort of yes or no, where somebody

00:15:07 who's done you great wrong has genuinely taken responsibility and apologized, genuinely taken

00:15:12 responsibility and apologized?

00:15:29 Then as it is my case, they cut me off when I tried to help, when I held them to account,

00:15:33 right?

00:15:34 I've had it in a minor way.

00:15:36 I've had it in, my father on a bus to Montreal once many, many, many years ago, decades ago,

00:15:44 he told me that when I went to visit him in my mid-teens in Africa and he really didn't

00:15:48 talk to me that it was because he was depressed, right?

00:15:51 So that gave me some relief.

00:15:53 It really did give me some relief because of course, you know, if your father's not

00:15:56 taking any interest in you, of course, it's easy to think that you're boring, under-stimulating,

00:16:00 he's got great thoughts that are elsewhere, he just can't rouse himself to focus on your

00:16:04 petty concerns or whatever it is, right?

00:16:06 But he told me, he was very honest and he's like, it was because I was depressed.

00:16:09 I was really depressed.

00:16:10 Now that was nice.

00:16:14 That was a positive.

00:16:18 And that's the only time that I can think of where somebody had done me a wrong, like

00:16:22 invite me over for months and then ignore me, for the most part.

00:16:27 Somebody did me a wrong and took ownership and it wasn't quite an apology, but at least

00:16:33 there was a reason and it wasn't me.

00:16:35 Does that make sense?

00:16:36 It wasn't me.

00:16:52 So children always blame themselves, always.

00:16:57 Children always blame themselves because it's the only thing they can control, it's their

00:17:02 own self-thoughts, they can't control the actions of parents, I mean, if the parents

00:17:06 are unreasonable.

00:17:07 So children always blame themselves.

00:17:08 So every parent that doesn't take responsibility is leaving the child to wrestle with self-blame

00:17:12 forever and ever.

00:17:15 Amen.

00:17:19 I wouldn't have guessed your example would have been one of your parents.

00:17:22 You know, again, it wasn't bad.

00:17:23 He never asked me how it affected me, he never talked about anything else that was wrong,

00:17:27 he just unburdened himself for like the three-hour journey from Toronto to Montreal.

00:17:32 He just unburdened himself.

00:17:33 Was it three or six?

00:17:34 No, it was six hours, sorry, six-hour journey.

00:17:40 So he just unburdened himself, it still didn't have anything to do with me and he didn't

00:17:44 ask me what my experience was or anything else about that, but you know, he did, and

00:17:49 it was a decent thing to do.

00:17:50 I mean, again, I don't think it was out of any particular empathy for me, but it was

00:17:53 a decent thing to do and I appreciated that he did it.

00:17:55 I did.

00:17:59 So you see, if somebody who did you wrong, when you were the genuine victim, if someone

00:18:07 who did you wrong is not taking responsibility, they're continuing to burden you.

00:18:14 If my parents had taken responsibility for the wrongs that they did, then I wouldn't

00:18:18 have had to spend thousands of hours and tens of thousands of dollars in therapy.

00:18:24 You had a similar journey from Ottawa to Montreal with your mother?

00:18:27 Sadly, it didn't end well.

00:18:28 I don't know what it is with buses, it's like, it's the modern confessional or something

00:18:32 like that, I don't know.

00:18:34 There was a time though, it was actually pretty nice going from Toronto to Montreal because

00:18:38 it was actually cheaper to take the train than the bus, and the train is pretty nice

00:18:40 because there was student discounts or something like that.

00:18:54 They can lift that burden from you at any time.

00:18:57 If they don't lift that burden from you, they're continuing to harm you, if that makes sense.

00:19:16 Tell me if this makes sense to you.

00:19:19 I'm not saying it's the absolute truth based on your experience, I'm just saying if the

00:19:22 argument as a whole makes sense or you follow.

00:19:25 Following doesn't mean you agree.

00:19:27 Makes tons of sense.

00:19:28 All right.

00:19:29 We're not there yet.

00:19:30 All right.

00:19:31 So, I hope you understand, or let me make the case, sorry, I hope you understand it's

00:19:37 kind of condescending and annoying.

00:19:39 Sorry about that.

00:19:41 So Winnipeg.

00:19:42 Oh, I spent six ugly months in Winnipeg one weekend.

00:19:51 So the reason I'm saying after you get to shore

00:20:04 and two weeks later the person apologizes, so after you have dealt with your childhood,

00:20:09 and for me this was about a quarter century ago, 25 years ago or so when I did years of

00:20:14 therapy, three hours a week, I did 10 to 12 hours a week of journaling and wrote stories

00:20:19 and just really spent, I mean two years really, almost, really, really focusing on this stuff,

00:20:24 which was great.

00:20:25 Tough as hell, but great.

00:20:28 Now after that, so after you, that was me getting to shore, right?

00:20:30 So after you get to shore, like there's an old joke about bankers, right?

00:20:35 That bankers will completely ignore you when you're struggling in the waves, but after

00:20:38 you get to shore they'll bury you in life jackets, right?

00:20:41 They won't lend you money when you desperately need it because you're too high risk, but

00:20:43 once you already have money they'll offer to lend it to you when you don't need it anymore.

00:20:46 That's kind of an old joke about bankers, which I kind of understand, but when you see

00:20:54 someone get into shore and you don't help them, after they get to shore your help, right?

00:20:59 This is the disgraced quote lifeguard in the cafe who's tackling you and demanding that

00:21:06 you help him, after you get to shore the apologies become annoying.

00:21:22 James says, "I was in a 12 hour car ride with my father in my early 20s going to a new college.

00:21:26 We didn't talk about anything.

00:21:27 Can't say he didn't have the chance."

00:21:30 And people, every parent, I'm telling you this as a parent, every parent, I can tell

00:21:39 you about one of my annoying little bad habits if you're at all interested.

00:21:43 It's really pathetic, I gotta tell you, it's embarrassing and I'm fairly good with this

00:21:47 kind of stuff and fairly self-accepting, but I have a bad habit that I just apologized

00:21:52 my family yesterday for.

00:21:55 I don't know, probably you don't care, doesn't matter.

00:21:57 I don't need to unburden myself on you all, you're all dealing with your own ghosts and

00:22:00 histories.

00:22:01 I mean, nobody wants to hear about this, do they?

00:22:04 Thank you, Polaris, I appreciate your help.

00:22:08 Yes?

00:22:10 Do we all have them?

00:22:11 All right, so if I have to wait unjustly for 10 minutes, I will claim it's 15 minutes.

00:22:21 I've been waiting for 15 minutes.

00:22:24 It's really sad, it's really pitiful and I'm working on it.

00:22:27 It's not a huge issue because it doesn't come up more than a couple of times a year, but

00:22:32 I mentally scale up the time that I've been waiting so that I feel more justified in being

00:22:41 annoyed.

00:22:43 I'm not saying I'm proud of it, I'm not saying it's some elevated thing, it's not even a

00:22:46 big thing.

00:22:47 Again, it's not very common, but it's still important.

00:22:52 It's death rounding.

00:22:53 Come on, man, it's just math.

00:22:55 I mean, if you've got 1.5 minutes, you have to round it up to something.

00:23:00 That's 20.

00:23:04 So yeah, I had to say, yeah, you know what?

00:23:08 You know, if I'm waiting in the dentist and it's 25 minutes, I've been waiting for half

00:23:11 an hour.

00:23:12 Because do you know half an hour just feels more justified, doesn't it?

00:23:17 So again, it's nothing elevated, it's nothing catastrophic, but it's a little kind of, just

00:23:22 a little pettiness, a little sort of brain wrinkle that, whatever, right?

00:23:26 So rather than say the actual time to myself, and that's cool, my jets, I increase the time

00:23:31 to match my jets.

00:23:34 Twenty minutes, that might as well be half an hour.

00:23:37 The time that I had to wait.

00:23:39 The time that I had to wait, the geological epoch of waiting.

00:23:44 And you know, I remember the beginning of this waiting journey when I and my fellow

00:23:50 apes were dancing and shrieking around a giant obelisk in the middle of the desert.

00:23:55 Yes, I remember it well before I evolved into my current incarnation over these many generations

00:24:00 of waiting.

00:24:01 Or, as it's otherwise known, eight to nine minutes.

00:24:09 Does waiting in inclement weather allow for time inflation?

00:24:11 No, see, that's a sad thing.

00:24:13 I don't need to inflate in time.

00:24:14 If it's bad weather, I don't need to inflate, because I already have the weather as the

00:24:17 explanation as to why my annoyance is there.

00:24:19 And honestly, I'm not a particularly annoyance-based guy, that's just, you know, I think everyone

00:24:23 has these little wrinkles or whatever, right?

00:24:28 Well I never said it was half hour in Earth time.

00:24:32 I could be talking about Mercury.

00:24:36 Um, well I like to see that there's a lot of mockery of my pettiness here.

00:24:44 Now I have another one.

00:24:45 I get enraged when people mock my pettiness.

00:24:48 Oh, okay.

00:24:51 I don't even know if I want to dignify this mockery with any reading.

00:24:54 Okay, I'm going to read that, because it's actually pretty funny.

00:24:57 Yeah, Steph Rounding, of course.

00:25:00 I didn't go to the DMV the other day.

00:25:02 Twenty, that might as well be half an hour.

00:25:05 It's basically taxation, yes.

00:25:07 A half an hour, a full hour, is already half past.

00:25:10 Oh, good one.

00:25:12 Okay, 27 minutes is okay to be cat-baiting, but 27 minutes and 30 seconds, Kyra says,

00:25:19 the Staphocene period has come and gone.

00:25:23 Right.

00:25:26 I will tell you, deeply and humbly, that I completely and totally deserve all of that

00:25:35 mockery.

00:25:36 It's beyond fair.

00:25:37 In fact, I'm surprised at how much lube and gentleness there is in this exam of the prostate

00:25:43 mockery that is in my innards.

00:25:47 That is gentler than I was expecting, friends.

00:25:50 Yes, it's a thing.

00:25:53 It's just one of my kind of things, right?

00:25:56 My other one is that my wife makes wonderful meals, but I always have to go and get my

00:26:00 own drink.

00:26:01 I don't know.

00:26:02 It's just some block.

00:26:03 What I do, of course, is sometimes I'll crawl to the kitchen.

00:26:05 Sometimes I'll give the old man slow shuffles.

00:26:07 Sometimes I'll cough like I'm expiring from dehydration.

00:26:10 I'm a make-a-big-production kind of guy.

00:26:14 This studio is kind of minimalistic, but in any complaints that I have in life, I make

00:26:18 a big, giant production, and the death scene sometimes can last for three and a half days.

00:26:23 It's like one of Hamlet's speeches.

00:26:26 I try to make my point in an entertaining fashion, and everybody laughs.

00:26:30 They just laugh.

00:26:33 My husband does something like that, but it's exaggerating time between meals.

00:26:37 Yes, yes, I have been there.

00:26:40 "Lo, we have been wandering the desert, eating only toenails and sand these many moons.

00:26:46 While we wait for the mirage of wifely meals to appear on the table, slowly we doth expire

00:26:52 under the blinding sun and the shadow of the dead camel."

00:26:55 Yes, we've already been there.

00:26:57 We've already been there.

00:26:58 I thought you didn't like Rush.

00:27:00 I can't get there.

00:27:05 You'll have to explain the joke.

00:27:06 Sorry, I know it's way funnier if you don't, but I still can't get there.

00:27:09 My apologies.

00:27:10 Yes, now it's very, very important, and heaven forbid the bath that is run for me is not

00:27:16 the right temperature.

00:27:17 His majesty doth either shriek like a lobster or shriek like a frozen lobster.

00:27:21 It is really, really quite sad.

00:27:23 Anyway, it's mostly a running gag, which is kind of fun, right?

00:27:31 I used to ride a bus with a friend of mine, and we rode past a place called New World

00:27:35 Kitchens.

00:27:36 It was called New World Kitchens, and you'd almost say, "It's a New World Kitchen," because

00:27:41 it's like a New World man from Rush.

00:27:44 Anyway, some jokes never get old.

00:27:46 Some jokes are born Benjamin Button-style old and never get young again.

00:27:53 Let's see here.

00:27:58 Diagnosed ADD.

00:27:59 Patience is a virtue I lack in sufficient quantity, yet my job is waiting for something

00:28:03 to happen in case I have to do something.

00:28:08 You know, if you're waiting for the waiter, you've actually become the waiter.

00:28:14 Oh, tape.

00:28:18 Should we return back from the detour into Steff's land of infinite pettiness, and should

00:28:22 we return to the main general Amazonian thread of the conversation?

00:28:29 Personally, it's not medical advice, no medical evaluation.

00:28:37 Personally, when somebody says, "I've been diagnosed ADD."

00:28:41 Well, what's everyone else's experience when the first thing that somebody says is, "Diagnosed

00:28:47 ADD?"

00:28:52 We were just about to rejoin the Amazon, but there's another tributary that has my blood

00:28:56 scent, bloodhound.

00:28:58 Hoppy legs are poppin'.

00:28:59 Bit of an eye roll, skeptical.

00:29:07 Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

00:29:10 Still or not, it just strikes me as an excuse.

00:29:15 Strikes me as an excuse.

00:29:16 Well, I could concentrate, but I have this diagnosis.

00:29:23 Thank you, Coda.

00:29:24 Hey, SteffaFan, the recent call-in's very insightful.

00:29:25 As always, very grateful to you for these.

00:29:27 I've also donated to freedomain.com/donate.

00:29:30 Thank you.

00:29:31 Thank you so much.

00:29:32 Look, the moment there's a blood test, I'm in, man.

00:29:34 The moment there's any kind of empirical test.

00:29:37 It's correcting brain chemistry.

00:29:38 Oh, really?

00:29:39 You want to tell me where the brain chemistry is askew?

00:29:41 The moment there's any kind of biological test, I'm down.

00:29:44 Until then, I reserve judgment.

00:29:45 I'm just straight up as far as facts go.

00:29:48 I'm just straight up as far as ... It's just my experience, my thoughts, whatever, whatever,

00:29:52 right?

00:29:53 All right, so let's get back to it.

00:29:57 ADD, or raised by women.

00:30:01 Isn't that what ADD is?

00:30:02 In my particular, humble, completely amateur, non-medical, non-scientific opinion, ADD

00:30:07 is, "I'm a young man raised by a single mother and a lot of women."

00:30:15 We need this bluntness.

00:30:16 It's painful, but we need to do better ourselves.

00:30:20 Gabbermind ... Sorry, Gabbermind.

00:30:23 Gambling mind, galloping mind, Gabbermite has a book called Scattered Minds about how

00:30:27 it's from trauma.

00:30:28 Yeah, it could be.

00:30:30 It could be.

00:30:32 And a lot of public school.

00:30:34 Diagnosed handsome and irresistible.

00:30:36 Hey, self-diagnosis is your entire personality.

00:30:43 Your insight to Charlie Munger helps me understand why people hiding behind shortcomings is annoying.

00:30:51 Raised by screens.

00:30:52 Bored is always the responsibility of adults.

00:30:54 What's wrong with boredom?

00:31:01 What if your friend diagnoses you?

00:31:03 Most of my friends think I have mild autism.

00:31:07 Neurodivergent.

00:31:09 Neurodivergent from what?

00:31:13 From what?

00:31:14 That's my question.

00:31:16 From the norm these days?

00:31:17 Oh, God.

00:31:18 The norm these days is entirely neurodivergent from the past.

00:31:22 All right, let's return to our journey, our much-butterfly journey down the Amazon.

00:31:31 All right.

00:31:39 When people offer to lift a burden you've already disposed of, isn't it kind of annoying?

00:31:47 If you've just done some brutal move on your own, you got to do your cabinets and you just

00:31:51 you busted your back and your knees hurt and your hands are blistered and you're like,

00:31:56 "Oh, God."

00:31:57 And then your friends are like, "Hey, man, love to help you move."

00:31:59 And they already know that you've moved.

00:32:02 Isn't that just kind of annoying?

00:32:03 Like they're trying to get the benefit of offering to help when the time for help has

00:32:05 come and gone.

00:32:06 Does that make sense?

00:32:08 People offering to help you after the fact?

00:32:10 Like this is all the people who call me up and it's like, "You know that woman who called

00:32:13 me and is like, 'Yeah, the guy you told me not to marry, I married him and it's a disaster.

00:32:18 Can you help?'"

00:32:19 It's like, "I tried."

00:32:20 Oh, do you have people like that in your life?

00:32:24 Yeah, it's annoying, right?

00:32:36 So if people have harmed you, there is a ticking timer.

00:32:42 So there was an old show called Scrubs that was pretty funny.

00:32:46 And in it, there was a guy, he kissed a girl and then a counter to you either got to kiss

00:32:52 him again or you go to the friend zone, right?

00:32:56 And there was a counter in the bottom screen and he had like, you know, whatever is a sitcom,

00:33:02 22 minutes or half an hour or whatever, right?

00:33:05 And he kissed her and it's like, "Countdown to the friend zone.

00:33:08 If you don't kiss her within this timeframe, you get stuck in the friend zone.

00:33:11 Otherwise you might have a chance to become her boyfriend."

00:33:13 Right?

00:33:14 So in life, please, God above, I'm begging everyone.

00:33:18 Ooh, should I swear?

00:33:20 Oh, I don't know.

00:33:22 It's the middle of the day.

00:33:23 It's the middle of the day.

00:33:24 And of course this is playing in countless kindergartens across the world.

00:33:27 No, it's not, of course, but...

00:33:34 No, I probably shouldn't.

00:33:40 It's almost two.

00:33:46 Well, I'll just pretend I'm in Australia where it's not 2pm in the afternoon and everyone

00:33:53 swears anyway, including the toddlers.

00:33:55 "Oh, time for some fucking breast milk, mom!"

00:34:00 Anyway, so evening in Europe too.

00:34:06 And in the arc of Europe's history, it is evening in Europe as well.

00:34:09 Put your sailor suit on?

00:34:12 How about I put my sailor moon suit...

00:34:13 Oh, wait.

00:34:14 Sailor moon suit.

00:34:15 I'm on the OnlyFans channel.

00:34:16 You know, one of my life goals, one of my bucket lists is actually get banned from OnlyFans.

00:34:21 That would be...

00:34:22 Wouldn't that be delightful in its own sweet, deep way?

00:34:25 So...

00:34:26 Oh my God.

00:34:28 Oh, yes.

00:34:29 Put your fucking timers on.

00:34:32 Put your timers on.

00:34:33 How often do we put something out there and there's no timer?

00:34:39 So for me, once I'm like, "Fuck it, I'm going to walk."

00:34:44 Right?

00:34:45 And I've been walking for five hours and then your friend finally pulls up in his car and

00:34:47 says, "Oh, yeah, sorry, man.

00:34:49 I lost track of time."

00:34:51 And you're already home.

00:34:52 And it's like, "I just walked for five hours in the blinding heat.

00:34:55 My feet are killing me.

00:34:57 There's no point showing up now."

00:34:58 Like, get the timers on your life.

00:35:03 Go get your timing going.

00:35:05 Get your timing going.

00:35:06 Somebody wrongs you, you tell them, "Timer.

00:35:07 Boom.

00:35:08 Timer."

00:35:09 Don't just leave it out there.

00:35:11 You know, you throw the boomerang into the fog and it doesn't come back after 10 minutes.

00:35:16 You didn't throw that hard.

00:35:17 It's not coming back.

00:35:20 You follow?

00:35:21 Put the timers on with people.

00:35:23 Otherwise, you can't ever get closure.

00:35:25 You just kind of put stuff out there.

00:35:27 "Well, I told this person that I was upset about them.

00:35:29 I was going to leave it with them."

00:35:31 And no timer.

00:35:32 It just kind of hangs out there.

00:35:35 Like you don't just cast your line into the water.

00:35:39 You just throw the whole rod into the water.

00:35:43 Like I do every time I bathe.

00:35:49 So put your timers on.

00:35:55 If my mother were to call me up now and, "Oh, I'm sorry.

00:35:59 This is a...

00:36:00 I'm 57 years old.

00:36:03 I'm sorry for what happened 50 years ago."

00:36:06 Just one of the most annoying apologies known to man.

00:36:10 I don't want it anymore because it would just be a hassle.

00:36:13 Like any more than you want the guy, the lifeguard who betrayed you and almost got you killed

00:36:18 to tackle you at the cafe based on his needs.

00:36:26 Does that make sense?

00:36:31 So I'm going to get back to the question.

00:36:35 Whenever you have a great time with your daughter, do you ever feel sorry for your parents for

00:36:38 completely missing out on this?

00:36:39 I don't.

00:36:42 I don't.

00:36:44 Because they continue to do me harm.

00:36:46 And my father is now in a position where he can't undo the harm because he's dead.

00:36:51 Now, are they actively doing me harm and every day...

00:36:54 No.

00:36:55 I'm just saying that with my mother, every day she doesn't take responsibility, call

00:36:59 me up and apologize.

00:37:01 She's in a sense continuing the abuse.

00:37:06 It's like, I know this sounds like, "Oh, active harm, active harm."

00:37:16 No, no, no.

00:37:17 Like I dealt with all of this 25 years ago.

00:37:22 So that's all in the past.

00:37:23 I've done with it.

00:37:24 For them to come now, it would be because, I don't know, my mother is getting older and

00:37:29 maybe she's feeling bad.

00:37:30 She's not religious, so she doesn't believe in hell, but maybe something's bothering her

00:37:34 or she wants to...

00:37:35 I mean, it certainly didn't happen with my dad, but maybe, I doubt it would happen with

00:37:38 my mother.

00:37:39 But if it did, it would be about her needs, right?

00:37:43 Like the lifeguard who comes to you and, "Hey, man, my reputation's destroyed.

00:37:48 You need to fix it.

00:37:49 Hey, I feel bad.

00:37:50 You need to forgive me and fix it."

00:37:53 So it's still all about you.

00:38:01 And I think it comes from a bomb in the brain planted by bad people.

00:38:07 "Bad to the bone, bad, bad, bad, bad."

00:38:10 When do they flip switch for you in terms of your mom apologizing?

00:38:13 Well, after I did therapy and after I had dealt with it all and moved on and unleashed

00:38:19 my potential and weren't circle draining the past sewage, done, moved on.

00:38:25 Then it just becomes an annoyance and an interruption.

00:38:31 Their punishment for alienating you is to miss out on being part of a wonderful family

00:38:34 life.

00:38:35 Well, my friends who kind of rejected me and so on, I mean, they could have listened to

00:38:43 me talk about Bitcoin, right?

00:38:45 There's costs.

00:38:47 No, but their punishment for alienating you, I don't care.

00:38:51 I don't think about it.

00:38:52 I mean, I'm just telling you my thoughts, but here's the bomb in the brain, right?

00:38:55 I think it's planted there by bad people.

00:38:58 Tell me if this little fucking demon has ever sat on your shoulder and whispered his silky,

00:39:04 slitty, silky, slitty, sultry words into your ears.

00:39:10 Something like this.

00:39:11 "You know what the, hang on, lean into the more.

00:39:16 You know what would make you look really great?

00:39:22 You know what would be the ultimate high status move?

00:39:27 You know what would make you look so mature, so cool, so with it, so together?

00:39:34 Do this.

00:39:35 I'm telling you, man, this will, high status, it'll get you chicks.

00:39:39 You'll be like a rock star, man.

00:39:40 Here's what you got to do.

00:39:44 What you got to do is you got to claim, and this is going to sound weird, just bear with

00:39:49 me.

00:39:50 Let me whisper.

00:39:51 What you got to do is you got to claim that you feel sorry for the people who assaulted

00:40:05 you.

00:40:07 That you're so mature, you've grown so much that you now feel nothing but sympathy and

00:40:14 sorrow for the people who did you the greatest harm.

00:40:21 You'll walk on water, man.

00:40:24 People will look at you like, "Wow, man, you've really got it together.

00:40:27 You've really outgrown this stuff.

00:40:29 You're no longer resentful.

00:40:30 You're no longer upset.

00:40:31 You've crossed over to a higher plane, man, to a kismet nirvana paradise of Buddhist acceptance,

00:40:37 and now you're so lofty.

00:40:40 You're so lofty.

00:40:44 You have reached such high levels of power in virtue and empathy that you feel great

00:40:52 sympathy for the harm done to those who harmed you."

00:41:00 "Oh, God, it's given me like a smoky demon boner just to talk about it with you, man.

00:41:05 Come on.

00:41:06 Just come down this path.

00:41:09 Just come down this path, man."

00:41:16 I'm so sorry at everything they missed out.

00:41:18 I don't hate them.

00:41:19 I just, at this point in my life, I feel sorry for them.

00:41:22 I think that they missed out on so much.

00:41:23 Yeah, I think they made some very bad decisions, but it's really more of a tragedy than anything

00:41:29 else, and I feel that their life has ended up in a very sad place, and I wish it were

00:41:33 different.

00:41:34 I can't change them, but I do, I really, I sympathize with them.

00:41:41 I'll donate later.

00:41:42 This is incredible.

00:41:43 Just broke me right now.

00:41:44 Thanks, Def.

00:41:45 Well, I'm going to put you back together, if you like.

00:41:50 Would you like to?

00:41:51 I don't want to leave you broken, man.

00:41:54 I appreciate the donations.

00:41:55 I don't want to leave you broken at all.

00:42:02 You want to get back from this?

00:42:04 Do I have a bat in the cave here?

00:42:06 I can't tell.

00:42:07 Sorry, I don't want to get lost in my own reflection.

00:42:14 Smokey Demon Boner was not on my free domain bingo card.

00:42:17 Jared, everything is always on your free domain bingo card.

00:42:27 Are you going to take me home tonight?

00:42:37 All right.

00:42:39 Now, you want this fixed?

00:42:42 Do you want 30 seconds that will cure you of this demonic infestation forever?

00:42:48 30 seconds, man.

00:42:50 You know what?

00:42:51 I'm putting a counter up.

00:42:52 I'm putting a counter up.

00:42:53 I'll do it 30 seconds.

00:42:54 In 30 seconds, I can cure you of this demonic whispering for the rest of time.

00:42:59 Do you think I can do it in 30 seconds?

00:43:02 Exorcism, baby.

00:43:04 Can I?

00:43:06 You'll donate if I do it in 30 seconds.

00:43:07 I know you will.

00:43:09 I'm working like a kulak here.

00:43:12 Are you ready?

00:43:13 Okay, hit me with your timers.

00:43:16 I'm going to do it in 30 seconds.

00:43:17 I might even do it in 15.

00:43:19 Sorry, I'm confusing you for my honeymoon.

00:43:24 Got no trips through Tangent Town?

00:43:25 Jeff, I will find you.

00:43:27 I will find you and I will tangent you.

00:43:28 It'll be like a game of Twister, but it won't ever end.

00:43:33 All right.

00:43:37 Thank you, Kairos.

00:43:38 I appreciate that.

00:43:41 Are you ready?

00:43:42 I'm going to aim for 15, but I'll do it in 30.

00:43:46 The demon to exorcise is, feel sorry for those who've done you great harm on what they missed

00:43:51 out.

00:43:52 Feel sorry for those who did you great harm.

00:43:54 No, no, no.

00:43:55 I'll tell you when I'm starting.

00:43:57 Feel sorry for those who did you great harm.

00:43:59 Okay.

00:44:00 The cure starts now.

00:44:02 Would you ever expect a woman who'd been violently and brutally raped by a man to say, "I just

00:44:07 feel so sorry for him because I'm a great date and he just missed out on a great date.

00:44:11 Oh my God, I did it in less than 10."

00:44:17 I need a cigarette.

00:44:19 Oh my God, I just have to smoke a pen.

00:44:32 You know that guy who held the knife to my throat and brutally raped me and I bled for

00:44:35 three days and he half destroyed my uterus.

00:44:40 I feel so sorry for him because I'm a great date and he could have had a great date out

00:44:44 of it but he just didn't.

00:44:53 That's so good I feel.

00:44:54 Like, that's so good I feel that we are all legally married in about 12 countries at the

00:44:59 moment.

00:45:03 That was less than 10 seconds.

00:45:04 Oh, look at that.

00:45:05 I came in under.

00:45:07 Make sense?

00:45:08 Would you ever?

00:45:14 Would you ever say that?

00:45:15 And if a woman did say that, would you think she was morally sane if a woman ever said

00:45:19 that?

00:45:20 I just, you know, he brutally raped me but what he really missed out on was a really

00:45:24 fun date with me.

00:45:32 I know there's some crazy people who would do it but that's how we would know they're

00:45:34 crazy.

00:45:35 Isn't that how we would know they were crazy?

00:45:42 So good.

00:45:43 I got you.

00:45:51 There's your gif.

00:46:03 There are actually Christians who would react that way I believe.

00:46:07 But you wouldn't say that that's particularly morally sane, would you?

00:46:17 I mean, this is a gut sense.

00:46:19 I mean, we can go through the reasoning if you want but this is a gut sense.

00:46:24 This is like if you, I hate to say reduce it to this kind of thing but sometimes it

00:46:29 really does go there and get there.

00:46:32 Which is, if a woman were to say something like that, or a man for that matter, men get

00:46:36 raped too of course, but if a woman were to say that, the thing I'm most unhappy about

00:46:42 being brutally raped was my rapist missed out on a great date with me.

00:46:48 Doesn't that just feel, like isn't that a gut check?

00:46:52 Doesn't it just feel like, oh god.

00:46:56 Isn't that just a recoil situation?

00:47:08 That is a gut check.

00:47:10 And sometimes, honestly, I'm telling you, sometimes the gut check is all you need.

00:47:13 You know, like we have a second brain down there that is really, really important and

00:47:16 keeps us alive.

00:47:17 Like the fight or flight stuff sits down there, like your second brain in your gut.

00:47:21 There's like an equivalent number of neurotransmitters down there as parts of your brain, right?

00:47:25 So you've got this, this is a gut check.

00:47:28 And a gut check, you say, oh but you've got to have reasons.

00:47:30 Now we can get into the reasons.

00:47:31 I understand, we can get into the reasons for it and all, right?

00:47:39 But this is a gut check.

00:47:42 And I don't want you guys, because what happens is, like what corrupt people will do is they'll

00:47:47 make some completely absurd argument.

00:47:49 You'll recoil from it, right?

00:47:54 People recoil from some morally insane or evil statement.

00:47:58 And then they'll be like, well, what's your reasoning?

00:48:00 And you're like, I'm gut check.

00:48:06 You got reasoning, right?

00:48:07 Now they just want you to have to provide reasoning for your gut check.

00:48:10 But of course, if it was easy to provide reasoning for your gut check, it wouldn't be a gut check.

00:48:16 Like there's no gut check that says what's the answer to some quadratic equation.

00:48:20 You got to work through that.

00:48:21 You got to, there's no gut check for that stuff, right?

00:48:24 So the gut check is precisely for the stuff that is hard to do with your conscious mind.

00:48:28 Does it make sense?

00:48:31 It's like saying, well, I need you to digest this sandwich using your neofrontal cortex,

00:48:36 your hippocampus and your frontal lobes.

00:48:37 And if you can do that, then you're a functional human being.

00:48:40 It's like, no, no, my gut is for digesting food.

00:48:43 My brain is for thinking.

00:48:44 And when it comes to some moral situations, the gut check is really essential.

00:48:51 And it's like, I don't have to provide reasons, right?

00:48:55 Like if you smell a lion coming through the tall grass and you're like, ooh, your hair

00:49:03 prickles and you're, oh, nervous.

00:49:04 And what's the lion going to say?

00:49:06 Well, I need you to prove that there's a lion.

00:49:08 Why is the lion going to say that?

00:49:09 So we can get close enough to rip your jugular out.

00:49:11 Well, you don't have proof, man.

00:49:16 You don't have proof.

00:49:19 But when it comes to your gut check, you don't need it.

00:49:25 Now, it's not a bad thing to do it, but it's like saying, you can't, like it's like saying

00:49:30 to your ancestors, you can't hunt for animals until you understand biology, physics and

00:49:35 geometry.

00:49:36 No, I really can.

00:49:39 In fact, if I don't hunt because I don't understand these things scientifically, you won't be

00:49:45 around to figure them out scientifically.

00:49:47 There is a gut check that's really, I know, I miss the rational philosopher.

00:49:50 I get all of that.

00:49:51 I understand all of that.

00:49:53 But even Einstein himself wouldn't say you can't catch a frisbee if you don't understand

00:49:57 the theory of relativity at the level of physics equations.

00:50:01 He'd say, yeah, you can throw and catch a ball.

00:50:05 Well, you need to know the physics equations in order to throw and catch a ball.

00:50:09 No, you don't.

00:50:12 The only people who would say that are people who want to rip you off.

00:50:22 Gavin DeBacker talks about the importance of listening to your gut in the gift of fear.

00:50:26 This is great stuff.

00:50:28 How do I show love for the lifeguard?

00:50:33 Right.

00:50:37 So, what's morally insane about the woman saying, "I feel nothing but sympathy for the

00:50:48 great date the guy gave up on by raping me violently."

00:50:51 And look, you understand, all rape is violence.

00:50:53 I'm talking about like a really knife to the throat, whatever it is, like the most extreme

00:50:56 thing that you can think of.

00:51:04 Is this a source?

00:51:05 Is the source of this avoiding anger?

00:51:07 The source of this is continuing to be exploited.

00:51:10 Your parents, if you've had abusive parents and you get old and you have skepticism about

00:51:17 the relationship, they can't bully you, they can't be violent to you.

00:51:19 So what do they do?

00:51:20 They try to evoke pity in you.

00:51:22 And pity becomes the way that the channel by which they get resources from you.

00:51:25 Oh, I feel so sad.

00:51:27 They're so lonely.

00:51:28 They're so sad.

00:51:29 They're so old.

00:51:31 Now they're weak, now they're, huh, right?

00:51:40 That's how people exploit you.

00:51:41 And when they can't bully you, they'll turn to pity, right?

00:51:46 Like the bad guy with the gun will shoot you.

00:51:48 If you get the gun, he'll plead for his life and, right, pity.

00:51:59 I'm sorry, just waiting for everyone to sort of catch up here.

00:52:05 One to 10, how useful is it?

00:52:06 What I'm saying, I want to make sure I'm always anxious to be providing value to you, my beautiful

00:52:11 friends in the realm of philosophy, is what I'm saying.

00:52:14 Is it providing value?

00:52:15 I can finish it up or we can move on to another topic, whatever you guys like or want.

00:52:28 This pity stuff is like them detonating a dirty bomb on your life.

00:52:31 You can only leave the city to avoid the poison.

00:52:33 Oh, good, helpful.

00:52:35 Okay.

00:52:36 I'm not trying to get praise here.

00:52:37 I just, I'm not indifferent to praise, but I want to make sure that what I'm providing

00:52:40 is.

00:52:41 Avoiding anger on our part.

00:52:43 Yes, it is a way to avoid anger, but why do you want to avoid anger?

00:52:46 You want to avoid anger because it's beneficial to those who want to exploit you.

00:52:50 Anger is the protection against boundary violations.

00:52:54 Evoking pity is one of the strongest signals that someone is a sociopath.

00:52:57 Is that true?

00:52:58 I didn't know.

00:52:59 All right.

00:53:00 So, how do we close this off?

00:53:03 Oh, that's what yourself and your wife are facing with both our parents?

00:53:06 Now, how do you know if your pity is manipulated?

00:53:12 How do you know if the pity for someone is manipulated?

00:53:15 Yeah, unconscious mind can do the calculus.

00:53:18 If I had to wait on my conscious brain to figure out how to catch the ball, everyone

00:53:20 would have gone home to dinner.

00:53:22 You know that the unconscious has been clocked at 6,000 times faster than the conscious mind.

00:53:26 Like the gut, the unconscious, in terms of evaluation, it's insanely fast.

00:53:33 It's like if you've ever, like so way back in the day, what were these cards?

00:53:37 There was 3DFX was like, Voodoo was the card.

00:53:41 And I remember playing the game Unreal, not even Unreal Tournament, way back, playing

00:53:46 the game with the first waterfall, playing the game Unreal.

00:53:50 And I couldn't get my graphics card, which was the dedicated 3DFX Voodoo graphics card

00:53:55 to get it to work.

00:53:56 And then I finally did get it to work, and it was like completely night and day.

00:53:59 There were shadows, there was volumetric shading, there was smoothness and beauty and gloriousness

00:54:05 and so on.

00:54:06 And because it was hundreds of times faster than the CPU for processing graphics.

00:54:10 And of course, this is very common.

00:54:11 If you ever try to run a high-end game on a business notebook, you realize just how

00:54:15 painful it is.

00:54:16 So you understand that your GPU renders reality hundreds of times faster than your CPU.

00:54:22 And the same thing is true with your gut and danger and so on.

00:54:27 Yes, having sympathy for people who will exploit you is one of the primary methods of exploitation.

00:54:41 And I don't know if you know, if anybody has any data, I would be happy to hear, like how

00:54:46 much faster is a modern GPU at processing graphics than a CPU?

00:54:51 Like, I don't know, some i5 or i7.

00:54:53 How much faster is a modern graphics card at processing graphics?

00:54:58 I mean, I know when I produce movies, if I, for whatever reason, the use graphics acceleration

00:55:03 is, if that's unchecked, it's quite a lot slower.

00:55:07 But yeah, so your gut is your, it's your GPU, your gut processing unit.

00:55:11 Right?

00:55:12 Cerebral CPU, cerebral processing unit, GPU, gut processing unit.

00:55:17 Still it's great for internal calculations like Excel and your gut is for GPUs for rendering

00:55:22 reality in real time.

00:55:24 Right?

00:55:25 If you have to render reality in real time through your CPU, through your cerebral processing

00:55:29 unit, then it's all actually just kind of work, doesn't it?

00:55:31 From an analogy standpoint, if your CPU has to render reality, you'll be lagging and you'll

00:55:35 lose the game and you'll get shot and you'll die.

00:55:37 Whereas if your GPU has to do all of the Excel calculations, it'll be too slow.

00:55:42 So your GPU renders reality in a way that actually has you survive the multilayered

00:55:47 combat of the online combat game known as society.

00:55:51 But right, it's a good analogy, right?

00:55:56 It's a good analogy.

00:55:57 And the way that people paralyze you is they try to get your CPU to do the work of your

00:56:01 GPU.

00:56:02 I don't think it's millions of times faster.

00:56:05 I don't think it's that good.

00:56:07 I don't think it's that good, but it's way faster.

00:56:11 GPUs are way faster.

00:56:14 And of course, modern CPUs have GPUs built into them, but minor ones, right?

00:56:19 Just basically for rendering Windows stuff and basic games.

00:56:24 But yeah, some of the fastest, I mean, this would be back in the day, how much faster

00:56:27 was, gosh, I'm trying to remember.

00:56:30 This was even before, this is a 46 with a 3DFX Voodoo card.

00:56:37 I don't know.

00:56:38 Anyway.

00:56:40 So why is it crazy for the rape victim to say that the rapist missed out on a great

00:56:43 date?

00:56:45 We get that guts, oh God, that's horrifying, right?

00:56:48 We recoil from that, our guts is like, danger, danger, danger, Will Robinson.

00:56:51 But what is the moral reasoning that our gut is processing like that, right?

00:56:55 Like all the little hints in the grass and the smell and the, right?

00:56:58 All of that adds up to lion coming, right?

00:57:01 Now you can't identify each one of those things individually, but they add up to a sense of

00:57:05 unease because your unconscious is noticing and processing everything, right?

00:57:13 Why is it crazy?

00:57:15 Why is it so morally corrupt for the woman or man to say that the rapist missed out on

00:57:19 a great date?

00:57:24 Because they're saying that's a possibility.

00:57:29 They're saying that's a possibility, that if he hadn't raped her, there could have been

00:57:34 a great date, but there can't be a great date.

00:57:36 Why?

00:57:37 Because he's a rapist.

00:57:40 Oh, Jared says about a hundred times, GPU is about a hundred times faster than a CPU.

00:57:48 Okay.

00:57:49 At graphics rendering.

00:57:50 Yeah, I think that makes sense.

00:57:53 So if you can get a hundred frames a second with a good GPU, you get one frame a second

00:57:57 with a CPU.

00:58:00 It does seem low, but that's fine.

00:58:03 That's fine.

00:58:04 A hundred times is fine.

00:58:05 It doesn't need to be 8,000 times faster.

00:58:13 So she's saying that if he hadn't raped me, we could have had a great date, but that's

00:58:22 not a sane statement.

00:58:23 You can't have a great date with a guy who's willing to violently rape you or wants to

00:58:27 or does violently rape you.

00:58:28 There's no backup position called have a great date.

00:58:30 Does that make sense?

00:58:37 It's like saying the shark that rips off your leg.

00:58:40 It's like, well, if he hadn't ripped off my leg, we could have had a really nice cup of

00:58:44 tea together and discussed a federal reserve policy.

00:58:48 Like that's a shark.

00:58:50 You're not going to have a nice cup of tea with him and discuss federal reserve policy

00:58:53 because he's a shark.

00:58:56 Stone toss comic, stone toss comic, comic incoming.

00:58:59 Oh, stone toss comic incoming.

00:59:01 That sounds like a tongue twister.

00:59:03 It certainly is.

00:59:05 What was it?

00:59:06 I remember when I was younger and I was in my teens and I used to start going to discos

00:59:10 when I was sort of 15 or 16 years old and I was let in because I was good looking.

00:59:15 I mean, let's face it.

00:59:16 I was good looking back then.

00:59:17 I mean, it's really important for me not to lie to you.

00:59:20 I mean, I'm obviously even better looking now because nothing says excellent handsomeness

00:59:24 like the addition of four extra decades just adds up to super charming.

00:59:30 But I remember making out with some girl in the corner of the club when my friends were

00:59:36 like, "What were you doing, man?"

00:59:38 It's like, "Hey, sorry, I wasn't dancing, man.

00:59:39 It's a little tongue tied."

00:59:40 I was really, really planning for dad jokes when I was 17.

00:59:47 All right.

00:59:50 So when people say, this guy, again, massive sympathy for the guy's question, right?

00:59:56 He says his parents were violent addicts and depressed, right?

01:00:01 Violent addicts and depressed.

01:00:05 And he says, "Oh, my parents missed out on so much."

01:00:11 Just like the guy who violently rapes you missed out on a great date.

01:00:16 It's like there was no possibility of a great date.

01:00:19 It's not possible because of his choices, his experience plus his choices.

01:00:27 Does this make sense?

01:00:28 It's morally insane because she's saying that the same person can both be a violent rapist

01:00:32 and somebody to have a great date with.

01:00:34 So he's saying, "My parents missed out on this."

01:00:36 It's like there was no chance that they could have it.

01:00:42 There was no chance that they could have.

01:00:44 There was no chance for my mother to have a great relationship with me.

01:00:47 Now you say, "Oh, but what about free will and this, that, and the other?"

01:00:50 By the time I met her, she was functionally beyond having good relationships because of

01:00:55 her previous decisions in the same way that if somebody smoked for 40 years, they can't

01:00:58 run a marathon and they never will.

01:01:01 The lungs are too damaged.

01:01:02 "Well, isn't it free?

01:01:04 You're taking away free will by saying that they can't run a marathon."

01:01:07 No, no, no.

01:01:08 I'm not taking away free will.

01:01:09 I'm accepting physical limitations based upon prior exercise of free will.

01:01:12 Free will is not like this lifelong thing that you get.

01:01:14 And here's what I'm saying about the timer.

01:01:17 Apologizing to people is urgent.

01:01:19 I feel this like if I have something that I've got to apologize for, like me exaggerating

01:01:23 how long I had to wait, blah, blah, blah.

01:01:26 I feel this kind of, it's like a tension or like there's a counter in my brain.

01:01:30 It's been there.

01:01:31 That's why when I saw this Scrubs episode with the timer, I'm like, "Oh my God, that's

01:01:36 my brain.

01:01:37 There's a timer.

01:01:38 Do it."

01:01:40 People should be responsible for their choices.

01:01:41 People are capable of repentance until death.

01:01:45 But that's just a statement of ideology.

01:01:50 Sociopaths, for instance, to my understanding, I'm no psychologist, they're not capable

01:01:56 of repentance because they don't have a conscience.

01:01:59 Right?

01:02:00 I mean, you can measure this in their brain, right?

01:02:03 You and I, if we see pictures of torture, we recoil, we feel horror, our blood pressure

01:02:11 goes up, right?

01:02:12 Sociopaths don't.

01:02:13 You can see the dark spots in their brain.

01:02:14 They just don't have it.

01:02:18 And I get, like, so, look, you're obviously religious and I appreciate that and I respect

01:02:23 that and I understand that and, you know, one day atheists are going to be curious about

01:02:29 how Christians made better vax decisions than they did one day.

01:02:33 One day.

01:02:34 What did they get right, right?

01:02:38 So I respect that, but you have the concept of the soul in which there's an undamaged

01:02:44 part of the personality that resides, provided by God, and independent of the brain, right?

01:02:57 And I appreciate that.

01:03:01 But empirically you have the challenge of proving the existence of personality in the

01:03:06 absence of the brain.

01:03:08 The existence of consciousness in the absence of the brain.

01:03:10 I mean, you just, that challenge, I, you know, God, wouldn't it be thrilling to find that

01:03:14 out?

01:03:15 I am openly and eagerly awaiting the proof of such a thing, yet it has not arrived as

01:03:20 yet and as a relentless empiricist and Lord knows, I have sacrificed an enormous, enormous

01:03:27 amount for empiricism.

01:03:36 I have sacrificed an enormous amount for empiricism.

01:03:39 Even if we're going to call it the fallacy of sunk costs, I'm just not going to change

01:03:43 now.

01:03:44 Right?

01:03:45 I saw a clip of Adam Sandler politely, flatly, quietly trying to get the stewardess to bring

01:03:50 him a drink.

01:03:51 She keeps asking him to calm down.

01:03:52 Escalates his trying to respond still quietly to an air marshal being called over asking

01:03:56 him to calm down.

01:03:57 Is that not a perfect parable of society and citizens?

01:04:00 Well, this is from the movie with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson called Anger Management.

01:04:07 Somewhat funny in bits, kind of forgettable.

01:04:08 I think I saw it on a plane actually, but yeah.

01:04:14 People who keep telling you to calm down do get annoying after a while, right?

01:04:17 So, oh sorry, I forgot to answer this.

01:04:19 How do you know whether your pity for somebody is being manipulated?

01:04:22 So your pity for someone is being manipulated if they get angry if it doesn't work.

01:04:29 If they attempt to evoke pity within you and it doesn't work, they get angry and that's

01:04:33 how you know that the pity is manipulative.

01:04:37 Whenever somebody, whenever you don't provide somebody what they expect and they escalate,

01:04:42 it means that whatever they were expecting from you was a manipulation.

01:04:47 Right?

01:04:48 You know, like the guy who's like, "Hey, come over here kid.

01:04:54 I've got some candy for you."

01:04:56 Or, "My parents told you that there's been, they're in an accident.

01:04:58 They told me I'm your neighbor two doors down.

01:05:00 I told, like he's trying to talk you into the car and if you don't get into the car

01:05:03 he'll just try and grab you, right?

01:05:04 Because he escalates because you're not doing what he wants.

01:05:06 That's how you know it's a manipulation.

01:05:12 Right?

01:05:15 Right.

01:05:18 Principles dictate the limitations of probability and essentially zero isn't a plan at all.

01:05:23 Those are all words, but they don't string together in my head to resemble a thought

01:05:26 and probably be because they're terms that I'm not familiar with.

01:05:34 Johan says, "I'm always shocked by how people are making excuses for their parents, even

01:05:38 when they did the worst things."

01:05:39 That's annoying.

01:05:43 I don't mean you're annoying and I don't mean annoyance is implicit in everything you said.

01:05:48 I should say, I feel annoyance at what you're saying.

01:05:51 It doesn't mean you're being annoying.

01:05:54 But the reason that I feel annoyance for what you're saying is if you're always shocked

01:05:59 by common human behavior, you're being superior.

01:06:02 Right?

01:06:03 "Well, I'm shocked how people do these crazy things."

01:06:08 Well, people constantly make excuses for parents when their parents do the worst things.

01:06:13 So the question is why?

01:06:14 Why would you be shocked by knowledge that you repeatedly see because shocked doesn't

01:06:20 lead you to try and understand the behavior.

01:06:22 Does that make sense?

01:06:25 I'm always shocked by how some men throw away their peace of mind to pursue a very pretty

01:06:29 woman.

01:06:30 Why would you be shocked?

01:06:31 It's such a common occurrence that you should try and figure it out and not just faint and

01:06:36 be shocked.

01:06:37 Right?

01:06:38 And it's a form of superiority.

01:06:39 Like, I'm so sensible and I'm so aware that I just don't do these normal human things

01:06:42 because I'm ubermensch, I'm superior, blah, blah, blah.

01:06:45 It's just, it's mildly annoying.

01:06:47 It's a bit smug to me.

01:06:48 I could be wrong.

01:06:49 But it's just my sort of thoughts about it that when people say, "Well, I'm shocked at

01:06:53 what the common herd commonly does," it's like then you're just claiming to be superior

01:06:57 and you're not actually being curious about your experience of your fellow men.

01:07:01 Because if you understood it, if you work to understand why people make excuses for

01:07:05 really abusive parents, you could actually help them.

01:07:07 Right?

01:07:08 You could actually help them as opposed to, "Well, I'm just shocked."

01:07:12 Then you don't understand it, you can't help them.

01:07:15 But when you dig in to try and understand why people do things that you consider kind

01:07:19 of nutty, well, first of all, you have to understand why you wouldn't.

01:07:22 Like, why wouldn't you go through the normal common human experience of excusing your parents?

01:07:27 Why?

01:07:28 Why not?

01:07:29 That may be not a good thing at all.

01:07:31 Right?

01:07:32 I can't believe that people get hungry.

01:07:35 It's like, well, you may have a problem if you're not experiencing hunger.

01:07:37 Right?

01:07:38 You may be like those, you know, in space, astronauts have to check themselves.

01:07:41 They have to go pee every two hours because they can't tell when they need to pee because

01:07:45 there's no gravity weighing down the bladder.

01:07:50 Right?

01:07:55 One action is beyond redemption.

01:07:56 No, there are many.

01:07:59 A father who abandons his child at birth, for example, and waits 25 years to get back

01:08:02 into the life doesn't physically have 25 years left to undo it.

01:08:05 No, but it's seven to one.

01:08:07 Isn't this the case?

01:08:08 I've mentioned this before, but it's been a while.

01:08:11 It's 71, right?

01:08:14 Seven to one, sorry.

01:08:15 So for every bad day in a marriage or a relationship, you need seven good days just to make up for

01:08:19 it because our brains tend to work more or focus more on bad things than good things.

01:08:23 Right?

01:08:24 Now, of course, right?

01:08:25 And we tend to remember the berry that made us sick rather than the other berries that

01:08:28 didn't, right?

01:08:29 For obvious reasons of survival.

01:08:31 So if the father is gone for 25 years and you need seven of those, right?

01:08:42 So he's going to have to be around for 175 years doing perfect things to make up for

01:08:45 the first 25 years.

01:08:47 Nobody lives for 175 years, therefore restitution is impossible.

01:08:51 And of course, to father is to parent a child.

01:08:57 And if you are a father and you parent a child, then you are, of course, being a father.

01:09:01 It's not being a sperm donor, right?

01:09:02 Otherwise every sperm donor could come up and claim to be somebody's father and get

01:09:08 all the respect due to being a father.

01:09:10 So a father, a man who abandons his children and then comes back claiming to be a father

01:09:17 when they're already adults is not a father.

01:09:19 I mean, I understood this, this sort of gut sense.

01:09:21 I understood this when I was a kid at the age of six.

01:09:23 I had to, I would get a haircut every Saturday and then I'd have to write a letter to my

01:09:27 parents and I would write to my father, "Dear First Name."

01:09:30 I would say, "Dear First Name."

01:09:31 And he'd say, "No, no, no, he's your father.

01:09:33 You've got to write 'Dear Father.'"

01:09:34 I'm like, "He's not my father because I never see him."

01:09:44 To father, to parent is not a noun, it's a verb.

01:09:47 To parent, to parent.

01:09:48 If somebody doesn't parent you, they're not a parent.

01:09:51 In my view, right?

01:09:54 Because they're not doing the job of parenting.

01:09:55 If they ignore you, if they abuse you, if they neglect you, if they harm you, if they

01:10:00 just harm you, well, parenting is providing instructions on morality, reasoning, logic,

01:10:09 relationships, life to prepare your children for adulthood.

01:10:14 That's parenting.

01:10:17 If you just harm, abuse your kids or ignore them or hand them over to other people to

01:10:23 raise, you're not parenting.

01:10:25 And therefore, you're not a parent.

01:10:27 You might be a rent payer, you might be a kind of custodian, you might be a semi-guardian,

01:10:30 whatever, but you're not parenting.

01:10:32 If you're not teaching your children how to survive and succeed and flourish in life without

01:10:39 compromising their morals, then you're not parenting.

01:10:44 That's not a maybe, right?

01:10:45 That's not a maybe.

01:10:47 That is what parenting is.

01:10:48 And I know that now because I have both been unparented and I have been a very involved

01:10:53 father for almost 15 years now.

01:10:59 All right, let me get to how can I be a better father.

01:11:05 I've done a lot of self-knowledge work and understand much of my past, but I still feel

01:11:08 the anger well up easily in certain situations with my toddler.

01:11:11 How do I get the known self-knowledge to propagate to my actions in the real world?

01:11:17 You feel the rage well up in certain situations with your toddler.

01:11:22 Right.

01:11:25 In general, I don't know your specific situation, call in at freedomain.com, send an email and

01:11:32 we'll get into it because I'm always happy to help.

01:11:34 I've got an email.

01:11:35 I've got a call scheduled with the woman who's enraged at her toddler from time to time.

01:11:39 So you all have listened to these shows.

01:11:41 What is the primary reason for being angry at a toddler?

01:11:44 What is the primary reason people get angry at their toddlers?

01:11:57 Sorry a lot of people typing.

01:11:58 I'm just going to wait for a second here.

01:12:02 Why people go mad at their toddler, poor little innocent toddler.

01:12:08 The people in their life want them to be protection, to protect them from abusers.

01:12:21 You guys are good because they're unable to rationalize what they want.

01:12:25 The terrible two excuse.

01:12:26 Yeah, well, that's certainly the excuse.

01:12:28 That's not the cause though.

01:12:29 That's the excuse.

01:12:38 So if you imagine our evolution, right?

01:12:44 In the night there are predators around and you have to keep your children quiet.

01:12:50 And if you don't keep them quiet, they will draw the predators to you and you might die,

01:12:54 they might die and it will be horrible, right?

01:12:59 So whatever aggression you need to apply to your toddlers to keep them quiet is less aggression

01:13:11 than the predators will inflict upon them if the predators find you.

01:13:18 So in your mind, your abusive father is around and you have to protect your toddler from

01:13:30 your abusive father and the rage that you feel towards your toddler is the fear that

01:13:35 your abusive father will harm him.

01:13:44 I mean I experienced this with my daughter when she was very little.

01:13:47 I mean as an only child, a sister out of the other, who knows exactly why, she didn't like

01:13:51 to share.

01:13:52 Now of course when I was a kid, did you ever have this when you were a kid?

01:13:55 Hit me with a why if you had this as a kid.

01:13:57 You have to share.

01:14:01 If you don't share, at some point your impatient mother or father will just yank the toy from

01:14:07 you and hand it to the other kid and say, "You have to learn how to share, damn it.

01:14:11 Stop being so selfish."

01:14:19 So we'd have other kids over, my daughter wouldn't want to share and I would be like,

01:14:22 "Oh God, I'll give you candy to share."

01:14:23 Like it was just, right?

01:14:24 School, yeah, yeah.

01:14:25 Do you have this, oh, are you chewing gum?

01:14:30 Did you bring enough gum for everyone?

01:14:34 I always wanted to say back to the teacher who said, "Did you bring enough gum for everyone?"

01:14:40 It's like, did you bring any knowledge for anyone?

01:14:42 Any facts, any interest?

01:14:44 Did you bring any charisma for anyone?

01:14:48 But now of course this has to do with a lack of resources.

01:14:56 If your parents are poor, then you don't have enough toys for everyone and therefore you've

01:14:59 got to share to minimize conflict and all of that.

01:15:02 So the parental failure to provide resources provokes aggression against the child, right?

01:15:07 And of course the parents themselves were forced to share and right?

01:15:11 So that was sort of my experience and I sort of recognized that, right?

01:15:14 I was forced to share and did you bring enough entitlement for everyone to each, right?

01:15:25 So you are angry at your toddler because you're trying to protect your toddler from the imminent

01:15:34 rage of your father and remember for most of human history, it was not possible to separate

01:15:40 from parents, it was not possible to create your own new community, we just had to go

01:15:43 in this internal blind repetition, whirlpool to nothing, right?

01:15:49 Sorry, I'm just checking a comment here.

01:15:57 My mother would actually reason with me in those situations.

01:16:01 Her rage was reserved for when she was delusional from the exhaustion of being an uneducated

01:16:04 single mother in her twenties.

01:16:08 The exhaustion of being an uneducated single mother in her twenties.

01:16:12 Boy, if that doesn't sound like a mealy mouth bunch of excuse syllables, I don't know what

01:16:18 does.

01:16:19 And I respect you, I appreciate you being here, but I got to call it as I see it, I

01:16:23 may be wrong.

01:16:25 The exhaustion of being an uneducated single mother in her twenties.

01:16:28 Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but my gosh, that is a plea for manipulative female self-pity

01:16:39 if ever I've heard it.

01:16:40 Am I wrong about this?

01:16:41 I mean, I'll put it out to the audience, right?

01:16:43 We got to double check, watch each other's backs.

01:16:47 She was exhausted from being an uneducated single mother in her twenties.

01:16:54 He says, I know who I'm trying to protect him from, but my body feels stuck in anger

01:16:58 mode while I try to keep emotions under control.

01:17:02 But you can't keep emotions under control.

01:17:04 If you try to keep a fear response under control, it will escalate.

01:17:10 Right?

01:17:14 You understand?

01:17:15 If you sit there and say, Ooh, you know, I don't know if we have enough food to last the

01:17:19 winter, I'm going to repress and try and eliminate my uneasiness about not having enough food

01:17:25 for the winter for me and my kids, my family, right?

01:17:28 My wife.

01:17:29 What is your anxiety going to be like?

01:17:31 Okay, I guess we'll just, we could fucking die, but that's fine.

01:17:34 Okay.

01:17:35 You don't want to be upset or concerned or nervous about whether there's going to be

01:17:39 enough food for your children to survive the winter.

01:17:43 No problem.

01:17:46 No problem.

01:17:46 Ah, he says she worked 14 hours a day for minimum wage and was an alcoholic.

01:17:56 She would sometimes slip into rage like Kathy Bates from the movie misery, sometimes four

01:17:59 times a week minimum.

01:18:00 I am really sorry about that.

01:18:02 That is absolutely appalling.

01:18:06 I'm really, really sorry about that.

01:18:12 Who raised you?

01:18:16 Who raised you?

01:18:17 Working 14 hours a day.

01:18:22 Was it grandparents?

01:18:23 She couldn't afford nannies.

01:18:24 I assume you can't keep your emotions under control.

01:18:34 Your emotions are trying to help you.

01:18:41 She did until I was 10.

01:18:42 I spent a lot of time alone.

01:18:44 What?

01:18:46 I don't understand.

01:18:47 She raised you until you were 10?

01:18:50 So who was paying your bills?

01:18:51 I'm sorry.

01:18:52 I thought she was exhausted, uneducated single mother in her twenties, but she raised you.

01:18:56 I mean, unless she had you at the age of nine, right?

01:18:59 I don't.

01:19:00 Okay.

01:19:01 So I'm trying to sort of figure this out and I'm sorry for missing this stuff.

01:19:06 Right?

01:19:07 Somebody says I lived my childhood with dad on night shift, lived in fear of waking the

01:19:12 monster even after his death 20 years ago.

01:19:14 The dad who was in my head was sleeping and represented my fear of troubles/failure.

01:19:18 I've learned to let go of that.

01:19:19 Good for you.

01:19:20 Well, I was under her care, but I thought she was working 14 hours a day.

01:19:23 I don't understand this.

01:19:24 I'm sorry.

01:19:25 It just, the timeline doesn't make sense to me and I apologize if I miss something, but

01:19:29 I've got all of this.

01:19:30 She was a exhaustion of being an uneducated single mother in her twenties.

01:19:33 She worked 14 hours a day.

01:19:35 Oh no, but she took care of me.

01:19:36 Well, she can't take care of you and work 14 hours a day.

01:19:40 I mean, that's, this is a so many hours in the day and I'm, again, I'm sorry if I've

01:19:44 missed something and I apologize if it's insensitive.

01:19:46 I really do want to understand where it is you're coming from, but the timeline doesn't

01:19:50 add up to me.

01:19:51 Again, it could just be me.

01:19:53 Yeah, I was just alone a lot.

01:19:57 Okay.

01:19:58 So either she took care of you or she was working.

01:20:02 If she was home, but drunk and passed out, she wasn't taking care of you.

01:20:05 So my question is who took care of you when you were in the single digits?

01:20:08 I'm sorry.

01:20:09 I'm not, I'm not trying to be cold.

01:20:11 I'm genuinely want to understand who took care of you when you were zero to 10.

01:20:26 If you were young and alone, you weren't alone.

01:20:29 You were neglected, abandoned, and abused.

01:20:31 You were left unattended in great danger, unprotected, unsupervised, unguarded, uneducated.

01:20:38 You were abandoned in an abusive manner.

01:20:43 So you have a lot of language here that doesn't really...

01:20:45 I was passed around between low wage babysitters and my dad's sister and sometimes grandparents.

01:20:50 Okay.

01:20:51 So she didn't, so she didn't take care of you.

01:20:53 That was my sort of question.

01:20:54 All right.

01:20:55 So she didn't take care of you, right?

01:20:56 You said she did take care of me until I was 10, but if you handed around to everyone else

01:21:00 because she's working too much, then she didn't take care of you.

01:21:03 Does that make sense?

01:21:06 I mean, that would be like me saying, "Well, I'm homeschooling my daughter, but she's in

01:21:09 government school."

01:21:10 Like, no, that's not...

01:21:14 These two would be contradictory statements.

01:21:22 After six years old, I was mostly unsupervised.

01:21:24 Okay.

01:21:25 So that means abandoned and neglected, right?

01:21:30 So she worked 14 hours a day, I assume, to pay for alcohol, right?

01:21:36 Do you all know how expensive it is to be an alcoholic?

01:21:42 Have you ever processed that?

01:21:48 Cost of...

01:21:49 It's crazy.

01:21:50 I'm going to get the latest figures.

01:21:54 Cost of being an alcoholic.

01:21:59 Binge drinking costs almost $200 billion a year.

01:22:05 Let's see.

01:22:13 What drinking costs you over the course of your life?

01:22:17 Well, that's not a link that leads you anywhere.

01:22:23 All right.

01:22:25 How much money do alcoholics actually spend on alcohol?

01:22:27 And she smoked two packs a day.

01:22:30 Yikes.

01:22:31 Oh, so you also got all of that.

01:22:33 And Kingsley and Schindler's List secondhand smoke too, right?

01:22:39 Why are some websites so slow?

01:22:42 All right.

01:22:44 So let's see here.

01:22:46 How much is alcoholism costing you?

01:22:55 Let's see here.

01:22:56 Okay.

01:22:57 Mental and physical health, we all know that.

01:22:58 Relationship with family and friends.

01:23:00 Financial burdens.

01:23:02 If you drink seven days a week and five to six beers a day at around $24 for a 12-pack

01:23:07 of domestic beer, you're spending $6,000 a year on just your own consumption.

01:23:15 Doesn't count when you go...

01:23:17 You get $7,800 a year.

01:23:19 Yeah, it depends what kind of drinking.

01:23:21 Now, of course, DUIs are $10,000 to $25,000 in terms of bail fees, attorneys, court fines,

01:23:28 classes, blah, blah, blah, loss of license, transportation.

01:23:31 So let's say $7,000 a year.

01:23:36 What's minimum wage in the US?

01:23:42 I know that's different by state, I think, but let's see here.

01:23:51 Let's just say, I don't know, Florida, right?

01:23:53 So $11 an hour.

01:23:56 $11 an hour.

01:23:57 Okay.

01:23:58 So $11 times, divided by 11.

01:24:01 So your mother was working 636 hours every year just for her alcohol, right?

01:24:09 So let's divide that by a month.

01:24:15 So she was working 53 hours a month just to pay for her alcohol prior to taxes.

01:24:25 So it's probably closer to 60, maybe 65.

01:24:29 So let's just say 60.

01:24:30 It won't be fair, right?

01:24:31 60 divided by 4.

01:24:33 So she's working 15 hours a week just to pay for her drinks.

01:24:37 She's working 15 hours a week.

01:24:40 So when you say, "Oh my gosh, she just 14 hours a day for minimum wage."

01:24:46 All right.

01:24:47 So let's divide that by 15 hours a week, divide that by 5.

01:24:52 So she's working 3 of those 14 hours a day just to pay for her alcohol.

01:24:57 Okay.

01:25:01 To pack a day, smoking habit costs off.

01:25:08 So we've got 3 hours a day she's working just to pay drinks.

01:25:13 All right.

01:25:15 Smoking and its effects.

01:25:17 Calculate the costs of your smoking.

01:25:19 What do we got here?

01:25:23 Is there some place I can enter 2 packs a day?

01:25:29 Calculate your cost of smoking.

01:25:30 Use this calculator tool.

01:25:33 Okay.

01:25:35 How many cigarettes do you smoke in a day?

01:25:37 She would be smoking 50.

01:25:38 50 cigarettes a day, right?

01:25:44 So yes.

01:25:45 So your yearly cost is $14,600.

01:25:49 If she's been smoking for 20 years, although it's probably more, she spent almost $300,000

01:25:55 on cigarettes.

01:25:56 Again, prior to the taxes and all of that kind of stuff.

01:26:02 So every 10 years, she's spending $146,000 on cigarettes.

01:26:05 She's spending $14,600 every year on cigarettes.

01:26:13 So $14,600 plus the $7,000.

01:26:16 So we got $20,600 just on her addictions.

01:26:18 We'll divide that by $11.

01:26:22 She's 1872 hours.

01:26:26 Just round that to 1900 hours just to pay for her addictions.

01:26:31 Let's divide that by 52.

01:26:32 Oh, that can't be right.

01:26:36 That can't be right.

01:26:37 Let's try that again.

01:26:38 Let's try that again.

01:26:42 Let's try that again.

01:26:43 I must've got something wrong there.

01:26:44 Oh no, actually this is about right.

01:26:46 Actually, yeah, because minimum wage, $11 an hour is about $22,000 a year.

01:26:58 So monthly cost for cigarettes is $1,200, for drinks was $7,000.

01:27:03 Is that right?

01:27:05 No, $7,000 a year.

01:27:08 Sorry, $7,000 a year.

01:27:09 Okay, I did get that wrong.

01:27:11 Sorry.

01:27:13 So $7,000 a year divided by 12, $583 plus $1,200 for the smokes, $1,700 a month for

01:27:32 that, right?

01:27:34 Divide that by 11 per month.

01:27:38 So she's spending most of her money on substance abuse.

01:27:50 So this is very helpful, Steph.

01:27:53 "I've thought about the dollars my parents spend on hedonism versus nothing on me, and

01:27:56 I'm realizing now I was distorted in my thinking.

01:27:58 She didn't need to work that hard.

01:28:00 Just for me, it was to support her addiction."

01:28:02 Well, and of course, she preferred cigarettes and alcohol to spending time with you, which

01:28:08 again, I'm really sorry for.

01:28:09 You deserved much better.

01:28:11 But she's working to pay for her addiction and also to avoid you, which causes her pain.

01:28:19 "I never understood why my mom would quit smoking when she got pregnant and then start

01:28:25 up again after having the baby.

01:28:27 If you can quit, why go back?"

01:28:29 Because she didn't really want to quit.

01:28:34 If you want to quit, you generally won't.

01:28:36 Once you finally decide to quit, then it usually takes, I think, 60 to 90 days to get it out

01:28:41 of your system.

01:28:46 So this is why, oh, the exhaustion of being an uneducated single mother in her twenties.

01:28:52 She could have taken all of that money and that time that she spent working.

01:28:55 Oh, and also, of course, she has to pay for babysitters, right?

01:28:59 She has to pay for babysitters.

01:29:01 So she could have spent all that time, well, first of all, the choice to become an uneducated

01:29:06 single mother in her twenties is her choice.

01:29:09 It's her choice.

01:29:10 Let me ask you this.

01:29:11 Let me ask you this, glorious listenership of gloriousness.

01:29:15 Let me ask you this.

01:29:17 How many hours a week do you spend on something that educates you?

01:29:22 So how many hours a week?

01:29:24 I think this show includes, right?

01:29:26 But reading or watching videos that are educational, you learn things from, scrolling through educational

01:29:31 things on social media.

01:29:32 How many hours a week do you spend on something that could be considered educational?

01:29:40 And this includes in your job, but you know, just in general, right?

01:29:45 I mean, I'm a little less now than I used to do like an interview or two every week,

01:29:49 which meant reading four to six books a week and throwing like probably a third of your

01:29:52 free time.

01:29:53 If this show counts about 15 hours a week.

01:29:55 Yeah.

01:29:56 Yeah.

01:29:57 Can we include audio books?

01:29:59 Of course.

01:30:00 Audio books are a great way to learn.

01:30:02 A great way to learn because you don't have to be physically holding the book, right?

01:30:06 Ten hours a week, a third of your free time, 30 hours a week, at least 20, 30 to 40, including

01:30:12 work related.

01:30:13 Yeah.

01:30:14 Constant process of education, right?

01:30:16 Most of the hours I'm awake.

01:30:17 Well, yeah, yeah, that's right.

01:30:18 So I mean, the fact that I've been doing the show for 18 years and it can keep coming up

01:30:24 with new examples, analogies, arguments, examples, stories, contacts, connections, right?

01:30:31 I'm doing most like at least half my time, right?

01:30:35 I'm a dog walker.

01:30:36 I listen to books or stuff.

01:30:42 I'm sorry.

01:30:43 I listened to books or stuff while walking.

01:30:46 Oh God.

01:30:48 Oh, and Oh God.

01:30:52 Not only is my name not capitalized and misspelled, I'm second to books.

01:30:58 Sorry.

01:30:59 There's some fine acting for you.

01:31:03 I'm just going to try and breathe through it.

01:31:05 I'm just going to try and breathe through it.

01:31:09 I need you to listen to this next part on speakerphone.

01:31:14 If you could just put this on speakerphone.

01:31:17 Anne's legs are sausages.

01:31:20 They're the tastiest sausages you could ever sink your teeth into.

01:31:24 After you sink your teeth into Anne's sausage legs, Bavarian sausage, blood filled and full

01:31:29 of puppy treats, what you need to do is use your cold bloody nose filled with Anne's sausage

01:31:35 legs debris and switch to free domain, free domain, and you will go to heaven.

01:31:43 All right.

01:31:44 That's my second whisper voice of the day.

01:31:49 Did we get introduced to another petty part of Steph?

01:31:51 Trust me.

01:31:52 It's really an infinite cavalcade when you think about it.

01:31:54 So, yes, you could in fact be introduced to petty Steph.

01:32:00 Petty Steph, volume 3,341.

01:32:03 All right.

01:32:05 So sausage legs.

01:32:09 I'm half German.

01:32:10 It's in the blood.

01:32:11 So yeah, uneducated single mother in her 20s.

01:32:16 So she chose not to read books.

01:32:17 She chose not to watch documentaries.

01:32:20 She chose not to learn anything.

01:32:21 She just chose to work and drink and smoke and abandon her child.

01:32:27 Oh, what an apple polisher.

01:32:30 I watched your books, free domain.

01:32:32 Okay, listen, I appreciate the praise, but that's a little apple polishy.

01:32:36 Oh, thank you, teacher, for those wonderful lessons.

01:32:38 I polished this apple on my armpit.

01:32:40 I'd love it if you would eat it.

01:32:41 It tastes like knowledge.

01:32:44 Why does she spell it Steph?

01:32:46 I know why she spelled it Steph.

01:32:48 She is lowercase s-t-e-p-h.

01:32:52 Because I'm infectious and that sounds like stuff.

01:32:54 No, she spelled it that way to hurt me.

01:32:58 Because that's Anne's job in this life is to wake up and type and hurt me.

01:33:06 But I'll be fine.

01:33:07 I can rise above.

01:33:08 Not right now, but soon in a year or two.

01:33:10 All right, there we go.

01:33:12 I will actually make myself cry because I'm an actor, trained actor.

01:33:16 I wish I would have joined a long time ago.

01:33:18 I hope so.

01:33:19 I mean, I tried to make it engaging and enjoyable.

01:33:23 And isn't it fair?

01:33:24 Hit me with a why if I make you feel better about your own pettiness by confessing to

01:33:27 my own.

01:33:28 Does this happen to you where you're just like, "Well, I guess I do have a petty side,

01:33:32 but boy, after hearing Steph's stories, I feel about as deep as the Mariana Trench compared

01:33:37 to his pettiness."

01:33:38 So that's good.

01:33:39 I was late to the stream because I was listening to an FDR show on Bitcoin from 2011.

01:33:45 Oh, that's going to hurt.

01:33:47 Isn't that going to hurt a lot?

01:33:48 Ah, Mr. Deep Philosopher.

01:33:51 But he has an itch he can't reach, so he blows up at a cat.

01:33:57 You just enjoy my stories?

01:33:58 That's good.

01:33:59 That's good.

01:34:00 Keep it at that level and we'll just be fine.

01:34:01 We'll just be fine.

01:34:04 For the bad dad guy, let me know if I answered your question.

01:34:06 Otherwise, I'll dig in.

01:34:07 I have a question about homelessness, and I was actually just talking about this with

01:34:11 my daughter this morning.

01:34:13 Homelessness.

01:34:15 I said inflation was coming too.

01:34:17 I can't claim any brilliance for that.

01:34:20 That was about as predictable as saying the sun's going to rise tomorrow.

01:34:23 All right.

01:34:26 Here is what somebody else asked about.

01:34:32 Yes.

01:34:34 Also curious if you could discuss homelessness.

01:34:37 I work outside and I see a growing number of homeless that are, well, terrible.

01:34:41 The post-COVID homeless are not the same as pre-COVID homeless.

01:34:44 Right.

01:34:46 Okay.

01:34:47 Let's get some more facts.

01:34:48 I try not to taint things with too many facts, but let's break precedence here.

01:34:52 All right.

01:34:55 Percentage homeless drug addicts.

01:34:59 All right.

01:35:05 Homelessness and addiction are closely related.

01:35:16 How much is known?

01:35:19 I was homeless in Seattle for five years, 20 years in addiction.

01:35:23 99% of homeless people have substance use issues or mental health issues.

01:35:29 Addiction first, homeless second.

01:35:34 So is that scientific?

01:35:37 Yeah.

01:35:38 Studies have shown that homelessness causes drug abuse more than the other way around.

01:35:43 That's interesting.

01:35:44 I'd like to know more details on that, but it's Reddit, so I'm frightened.

01:35:48 Let's see here.

01:35:54 Alcohol abuse affects 30 to 40% of homeless and drug abuse, 10 to 15%.

01:35:59 Right.

01:36:00 So that's 40 to 65%.

01:36:03 And of course, the people who claim to be mentally ill might have wrecked their brains

01:36:06 through drugs.

01:36:10 So it's high.

01:36:18 It's high.

01:36:19 And I don't know whether they test people or just rely on verbal stuff.

01:36:28 In Toronto, drug use is common among homeless individuals in Toronto.

01:36:33 Common drug problems are associated with poor mental health status, but not with poor physical

01:36:37 health status.

01:36:40 So drugs are, I mean, it's a big topic, obviously.

01:36:54 Drug use is up because child abuse is up.

01:36:57 Drug use and drug mental health issues are up because drugs have become incredibly more

01:37:01 concentrated than they were in the past.

01:37:03 Like the marijuana of today is like crack compared to the marijuana of when I was young.

01:37:07 I can't even say younger, and I have to just say young.

01:37:11 And of course, a lot of the drugs that people take are laced with fentanyl or things even

01:37:16 stronger than fentanyl, which leads to accidental overdoses.

01:37:19 And of course, this is all planned by foreign powers shipped in through the southern border.

01:37:22 And it is a form of, it's a bioweapon, right?

01:37:25 Drugs have been turned into a bioweapon.

01:37:31 So when you take drugs, you're literally taking your life in your hand.

01:37:38 You're literally taking your life in your hands when you take drugs because they're

01:37:41 not controlled for any kind of quality, right?

01:37:46 And trauma comes first, but it's not necessary.

01:37:48 Lots of people here who were heavily traumatized as children did not become drug addicts, so

01:37:52 it's not, right?

01:37:53 The more we talk about it, the more people being homeless here is room and board paid

01:37:57 for by the government.

01:37:58 And of course, I did this in California, right?

01:37:59 I actually went to California, I had a woman who was a social worker take me through the

01:38:04 homeless districts.

01:38:05 I interviewed a bunch of homeless people and it showed up in my documentary on California.

01:38:10 And yeah, I mean, they're pretty fried.

01:38:12 They're pretty fried.

01:38:13 One guy was a vet.

01:38:14 He had a lot of trauma for being a veteran and then he'd also done drugs and yeah, it's

01:38:20 a huge, huge issue.

01:38:22 And what we do know of course, that people will, the homeless people will migrate to

01:38:26 where the best weather is and the most benefits, right?

01:38:29 So California has good weather, of course, for homeless, very important.

01:38:32 The weather is more important to homeless than anyone else.

01:38:34 So California has great weather if you're homeless and they also have very generous

01:38:38 benefits.

01:38:39 So they literally get on buses and they go to where the benefits are the best.

01:38:45 Now, of course, if you can plan that much, you can have a job, but why would you want

01:38:49 to have a job if that means you have to get up when you're hungover or whatever, right?

01:38:54 It's not easy.

01:38:55 Thank you.

01:38:56 Appreciate that for you.

01:38:57 I appreciate your tip.

01:38:58 First time I've been able to catch you live in three months.

01:39:00 Thank you for all the philosophy over the years.

01:39:01 Well, thank you.

01:39:02 I appreciate that.

01:39:03 I appreciate that.

01:39:07 And a lot of them, as far as I understand it, you know, again, I'm no expert.

01:39:13 Take all of this with as much of a grain of salt as you can conceivably imagine, but I

01:39:18 do believe that if you have fried your brain with drugs too much, is there coming back?

01:39:33 Can you fix a brain broken by repeated drug binges and problems?

01:39:37 Well, it's like alcohols, right?

01:39:40 Alcoholism.

01:39:41 Can you fix a brain that's been stewed in alcohol for 30 years?

01:39:46 I personally don't think so, and I've known some people who don't know them anymore, but

01:39:50 I knew them when they were younger.

01:39:52 It's a good reminder that poor is a choice for nearly every 20 year old.

01:39:56 Everyone older is just suffering the consequences.

01:39:59 I mean, there are situations where poverty is not the person's fault, obviously, right?

01:40:05 I mean, if they're very low IQ, it's not their fault, and it's going to be really challenging

01:40:09 for them to navigate in a society.

01:40:13 And the more complex a society becomes with like, I think about all of these crazy regulations

01:40:17 to get a business and the licenses and the permissions and the permits and all of that,

01:40:22 and it's like, you're just killing people who otherwise could have a job, who aren't

01:40:25 smart enough to navigate that.

01:40:27 They could have a job, they could even open a small business, but they can't because the

01:40:31 IQ requirements for getting through the bureaucratic maze have just become so high, it's incredibly

01:40:35 brutal to people who are less intelligent, and it's really, really sad.

01:40:42 Alara says, "Everyone should tip at least $10 per week if you can afford it.

01:40:45 Maybe get rid of something else that costs $10.

01:40:47 Just saying, sorry, my opinion only."

01:40:49 That's identical with UPB.

01:40:50 No, I'm just kidding.

01:40:51 But thank you, I appreciate that.

01:40:52 I appreciate that.

01:40:54 My mom sleeps with a five liter jug of water and vodka by her bed and wakes up to drink

01:40:58 it almost unconsciously.

01:40:59 It gets that bad.

01:41:00 It means that the price of her we calculated seven grand a year, probably even higher.

01:41:06 I live in Vegas.

01:41:07 The homeless people over here are like zombies.

01:41:08 99% of these people cannot be saved.

01:41:10 Drugs, alcohol, and gambling.

01:41:14 It's terrible.

01:41:16 How to help the poor is a very difficult and complicated topic as anybody, like anybody

01:41:21 who says we just need a government program, I know absolutely, immediately, and totally

01:41:26 with deep certainty, and it's never been contradicted.

01:41:28 Anybody who says we just need a government program to help the poor has never tried to

01:41:32 help anybody in their entire damn life in any interpersonal way.

01:41:35 All right, hit me with a why.

01:41:37 If you've been burned really badly trying to help someone in your personal life, I know

01:41:41 I have, have you been burned really badly by trying to help someone, genuinely help

01:41:45 someone with good intentions and a possibility of genuinely helping them?

01:41:51 Have you been burned bad trying to help someone in your personal life?

01:41:59 I give food to all homeless with animals.

01:42:01 But the problem is, of course, even if you're a drug addict and you get given food, you'll

01:42:04 just sell the food for drugs.

01:42:06 Right.

01:42:07 Now, hit me with a why.

01:42:10 Ooh, this one's going to hurt a little.

01:42:12 It hurts me even to think about it.

01:42:14 But hit me with a why.

01:42:17 It's a philosophy, just hit me with a why.

01:42:19 But hit me with a why if you've genuinely succeeded in helping someone in your personal

01:42:24 life, like who was a real mess and you made them better and they stayed better.

01:42:30 I can't say that I have.

01:42:32 I'm pretty good at this kind of stuff, but in my personal life, no.

01:42:35 I think in the show and so on, right, I have not made dysfunctional people functional in

01:42:40 my personal life.

01:42:41 I've just not done it.

01:42:43 And again, I'm not the worst person at this kind of thing, but.

01:42:48 Right.

01:42:51 And you know, if you have, I mean, more power to you, man, you let us know how you did it.

01:42:55 But I have not, but you can't help people who won't help themselves.

01:43:00 Yeah, that's true.

01:43:01 That's kind of a truism, but if we as intelligent people who care about others have a track

01:43:07 record of batting zero of zero percent saving people and a hundred percent of us here have

01:43:13 been burned badly by somebody we've tried to help.

01:43:18 Then it's not just people won't help themselves.

01:43:21 Like you try to help them and you just get exploited.

01:43:23 Right.

01:43:24 Recently I helped improve someone's life and they took all that wellness and used it to

01:43:26 cause harm to their new partner.

01:43:28 Well then they didn't improve their life by definition.

01:43:30 Sorry to be annoying.

01:43:32 I made someone better and then they used it to be abusive.

01:43:34 It's like, then they didn't get better.

01:43:36 Right.

01:43:38 So it's really, really hard to help people.

01:43:42 It's really, really, really hard to help people.

01:43:46 No one wants the truth, which will help them.

01:43:49 They hate me for helping in the end.

01:43:51 To help shows them the truth.

01:43:52 I still try, but they hate it actually in truth.

01:43:58 It could, I mean, I don't think it's because we're bad at it.

01:44:01 Maybe we are.

01:44:02 Maybe we all just happen to be bad at it.

01:44:03 I don't think so.

01:44:04 I don't, statistically that would be improbable.

01:44:06 I don't think it's that we're really bad at it.

01:44:08 I think what happens is by the time you have developed the skills to truly help people,

01:44:14 they're usually beyond helping.

01:44:18 At what age do you think if somebody is just living badly, cruelly, unwisely, destructively,

01:44:26 whether it's self or others or both, at what age do you think they pass beyond the horizon

01:44:32 of being able to be helped locally?

01:44:38 25, says Liberty Garden.

01:44:45 I mean, I won't say what I think, not that I don't have any authority in this area as

01:44:51 it really, I have no authority other than the quality of my arguments, but what do you

01:44:55 guys think?

01:44:56 30?

01:44:57 25?

01:44:58 30?

01:44:59 A lot of people in the 30.

01:45:02 Depends on the amount of trauma.

01:45:04 Of course, everything depends on everything.

01:45:07 Just give me a guess.

01:45:12 Everything depends on everything.

01:45:13 Yeah, I get that.

01:45:14 We're just asking for an average.

01:45:15 I mean, if I'm asking an open-ended question and somebody says, "Depends," they might as

01:45:20 well be referring to the adult diapers.

01:45:22 Gut guess, 20-ish?

01:45:23 Yeah?

01:45:24 What's the age of 10?

01:45:25 The age of 10?

01:45:26 I don't know.

01:45:27 Well, again, I don't know.

01:45:28 Nobody knows for sure.

01:45:29 I'm just asking you what your gut says.

01:45:30 I just told this thing about gut, right?

01:45:32 What's your gut sense tell you?

01:45:33 What does your gut sense tell you about when somebody is too old to fix?

01:45:38 Now, maybe they could be fixed by some team.

01:45:41 Maybe they could be fixed by some rehab.

01:45:42 Maybe they could be fixed by some divine intervention or revelation, but when do you think, like

01:45:47 just a friend or a family member, when they're too old to be helped?

01:45:53 Not sure, but my sister is 35 and she's getting done with rehab, so we'll see.

01:45:57 I think it's once they've defended their choice to be dysfunctional, losing the one love,

01:46:01 usually by 35.

01:46:02 22?

01:46:03 7?

01:46:04 Ah, yeah.

01:46:05 About 30, I'd say.

01:46:08 Okay, so the way that you would know that is you all have not succeeded.

01:46:16 Well, sorry, not you all.

01:46:19 We all have not succeeded in helping people in our personal lives.

01:46:23 Now, this doesn't mean that nobody in my personal life has ever taken good advice.

01:46:26 I'm talking about dysfunctional to functional.

01:46:28 So what that means is if you failed and been burned, what was the youngest age of someone

01:46:33 you tried to help and it didn't work?

01:46:35 What was the youngest age of someone you tried to help and it didn't work?

01:46:42 We have empirical evidence here.

01:46:43 It's not scientific, obviously.

01:46:44 It's anecdotal, but it's there.

01:46:46 It's the only information we can currently get, right?

01:46:49 So I think the person who was the youngest who I tried to help was probably about 22.

01:46:57 So somebody helped 17, 14 or 15.

01:47:01 My sister going woke.

01:47:02 I'm not asking for the job description.

01:47:04 I'm just asking for the salary.

01:47:05 Just give me the number.

01:47:08 20, 15.

01:47:13 What else have we got?

01:47:22 13.

01:47:24 Okay, 17.

01:47:27 Right.

01:47:28 So everybody was saying 25 to 30, most people, some people younger.

01:47:32 So if the youngest person you tried to help and it failed, the difference between that

01:47:37 number and the number you guess where people couldn't be helped is the number of years

01:47:41 you're going to be exploited.

01:47:43 Right?

01:47:44 So if you think, if the youngest person you tried to help and it failed was 20, but you

01:47:48 think people can be helped until they're 30, that's 10 years of you being exploited.

01:47:52 You're literally signing yourself up to a tour of duty called exploitation for a full

01:47:57 decade.

01:48:03 The gap analysis, that's why I call it in business, right?

01:48:05 I wrote a whole software program to help people analyze gap analyses in health and safety

01:48:10 environmental standards.

01:48:11 So gap analysis is, here's the empirical data, here's my estimate, right?

01:48:18 What's the difference?

01:48:20 So if you guessed, oh, I can help people until I'm 30, but the youngest person you helped

01:48:26 and it failed was 20, you're potentially signing yourself up for a decade.

01:48:32 I'm conflicted in my answering because I don't want to count myself out.

01:48:35 I've improved a lot, but really didn't start until my early to mid twenties.

01:48:38 I'd like to think I still have a chance at redemption.

01:48:46 But John, your improvement is working.

01:48:48 We're talking about, oh my God, it's not about you.

01:48:50 We're talking about where it didn't work.

01:48:52 Yours is working.

01:48:53 We're talking about other people where it didn't work, not you where it is working.

01:48:56 This is two complete opposite things that we're talking about.

01:48:59 Does that make sense?

01:49:01 Other people where it didn't work.

01:49:02 Yes, but me where it is working.

01:49:06 Whole other category, whole other category.

01:49:10 And one of the things you might want to work on is making things about you.

01:49:13 Trying to help a family member got nothing but abuse back from my trouble.

01:49:15 I'm done helping.

01:49:16 All right, let me ask you this.

01:49:17 Let me ask you this.

01:49:19 So you all said yes to somebody where you experienced a significant negative from trying

01:49:23 to help.

01:49:26 If you experienced a significant negative from trying to help, you got badly burned.

01:49:31 How old was the person who burned you?

01:49:33 How old was the person you tried to help and it cost you like hell?

01:49:38 How old was the person you tried to help and you got really burned?

01:49:42 Please and thank you.

01:49:44 Look at me being polite for the first time ever.

01:49:47 You know what I mean.

01:49:56 Somebody says, "I definitely think my actions to help people and be a good influence is

01:49:58 more effective on young people.

01:50:01 My thoughts about why we try to help people who are beyond saving even though our gut

01:50:04 tells us we should not.

01:50:06 It is in part because like myself, I grew up watching shows, movies, cartoons where

01:50:11 the bad guy has a change of heart in the end.

01:50:13 I often remind myself when watching things like that that it is not real."

01:50:15 Well, not only is it not real, it's programmed to have bad people exploit you.

01:50:20 "That makes a ton of sense.

01:50:22 I was thinking about my own turnaround."

01:50:24 Right.

01:50:25 "However, me helping myself and helping other people are completely different."

01:50:28 Yes.

01:50:29 John says, "My apologies.

01:50:31 Thanks for the correction."

01:50:32 You're very welcome and I'm very glad you expressed what you did.

01:50:34 I'm glad that you were honest.

01:50:35 I'm glad that you expressed what you did.

01:50:36 I really, really appreciate it.

01:50:38 Thank you.

01:50:39 So, early 20s, you got burned.

01:50:41 The guy was 20, 37, 21, early 20s, late 40s.

01:50:48 People with more life experience than I have.

01:50:50 I don't know what that means.

01:50:51 Oh, people older than you.

01:50:54 Right.

01:50:56 Okay, we can end with this topic.

01:51:06 If you would find it useful, I'm your slave.

01:51:09 Is the offer to help more for ourselves?

01:51:11 Well, that's always an interesting question, right?

01:51:13 Do you want someone to feel better because you feel anxious that they're not doing well?

01:51:16 Okay.

01:51:17 Would you like to know how to not be exploited by people who want your help?

01:51:20 Trust me.

01:51:21 I had a lot of experience in this realm and this is like hard one scar tissue that I want

01:51:28 to carve off and use to tattoo the answer on your forehead.

01:51:33 Your forehead may not be as big as mine, but I can get to half a Hamlet up there.

01:51:38 Would you like to know how to avoid being exploited through your desire to help others?

01:51:45 Would be helpful.

01:51:46 Is that a good topic for us to end on?

01:51:47 Okay.

01:51:48 I think it would be helpful.

01:51:51 All right.

01:51:53 So there's two ways to do it.

01:51:55 One is more passive and one is more active.

01:51:57 We'll start with the passive one.

01:51:59 You improve your life and you see who wants to know how you did it.

01:52:04 If you improve your life, then other people, if they're capable of being fixed, thank you,

01:52:11 but if they're capable of being fixed, they will want to know how you did it.

01:52:18 How many of the friends that I grew up in, in, in contact with, how many of the friends

01:52:26 that I grew up in ended up with very happy marriages?

01:52:30 I can think maybe of one of dozens of friends.

01:52:37 Now I have a very happy marriage.

01:52:40 How many of them are contacting me saying, wow, how did you do it?

01:52:47 How many people who I knew, most of whom grew up with trauma, have been able to overcome

01:52:53 their trauma in the way that I think I have and become better because of the trauma?

01:52:58 How many of them are calling me up and saying, wow, you really did manage to surmount this

01:53:04 terrible childhood and turn it around and become a great person or a good person.

01:53:08 How did you do it?

01:53:09 Blah, blah, blah.

01:53:10 If you lose weight, like if you're around a bunch of fat people and you're fat too and

01:53:15 you lose a bunch of weight, people who want to lose weight will do what?

01:53:19 Pull you aside, right?

01:53:21 Napoleon death scene style.

01:53:23 They'll pull you aside and they'll say, dude, you look fantastic.

01:53:26 How are you doing this?

01:53:27 I'm dying over here.

01:53:28 Like I can't catch breath and I can't climb stairs.

01:53:30 Like how are you doing it, man?

01:53:33 Improvement filters out in your life all those who aren't interested in improvement.

01:53:39 Does this make sense?

01:53:41 Right.

01:53:43 If you used to be a, like, let's say you're in a bunch of running races, you're an athlete

01:53:47 and you used to be a slow runner and now you're a super fast runner.

01:53:51 All the people who want to win races will do what?

01:53:53 What will they say to you?

01:53:55 Are you blood boosting Soviet style?

01:53:58 What will they say to you?

01:53:59 If you went from being a relatively slow runner to winning all the races, what will they say

01:54:03 to you?

01:54:04 Or what will they ask you?

01:54:06 Dude, how are you doing this?

01:54:11 How is this possible?

01:54:12 How are you doing this?

01:54:13 I mean, is there some trait?

01:54:16 I mean, you've been tested.

01:54:18 So because the athletes get tested, you've been tested.

01:54:23 You're not cheating because we got the video.

01:54:25 You're clean.

01:54:26 Like, what are you doing that is making you so much faster?

01:54:30 Are you now Kenyan?

01:54:31 What are you doing?

01:54:32 They'll ask.

01:54:37 And that's how you know the people who want to win will ask you.

01:54:41 If you're winning, they'll want to know how.

01:54:44 If they don't want to win, they won't bring it up.

01:54:50 And if they really don't want to win, they'll avoid the topic completely.

01:54:53 Does this make sense?

01:54:57 So the best way to find out who's worth helping is improve yourself and see who is desperate

01:55:02 to get knowledge from you.

01:55:05 Because that's letting their motivation and your example combine for the possibility of

01:55:11 improvement.

01:55:12 Will they improve?

01:55:13 It's possible.

01:55:14 It's necessary but not sufficient.

01:55:19 And of course, if somebody stopped being an athlete and started smoking, they won't even

01:55:22 care why you did what you did.

01:55:25 Most people I've noticed, when you try to improve, just try to sabotage.

01:55:28 Sorry, let me rephrase that.

01:55:30 No, sorry, not rephrase that.

01:55:31 Let me read that accurately.

01:55:33 Sorry.

01:55:34 Most people I've noticed, when you improve, they just try and sabotage you.

01:55:37 Well, sure.

01:55:38 Well, sure.

01:55:39 Of course.

01:55:40 I mean, I call it layering, right?

01:55:43 People like deep sea fish, you bring them up to the surface, they die, right?

01:55:48 Top level fish, like shallow water fish, you take them down to the depths, they die.

01:55:52 People like to stay at their own level and they don't like people to change levels.

01:55:56 I mean, there's these sedimentary layers in society and if you blow through and burrow

01:56:01 through them and you find your way out, people don't like it because they like to think that

01:56:04 A, if they're at the bottom, they like to think the bottom is best, man.

01:56:08 We're authentic, we're real down here, man.

01:56:09 We don't have these fake Ivy League bullshit airs.

01:56:12 We're not pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

01:56:14 We're real, right?

01:56:16 Go to therapy, man.

01:56:17 Just commune with nature.

01:56:19 Be yourself.

01:56:20 Sun tan your balls, you'll be fine.

01:56:22 Right?

01:56:23 I mean, that's always a good advice anyway, unless you're anywhere in public.

01:56:27 All right, yeah, this woman who got, she got arrested.

01:56:32 Family saw her masturbating on the beach and she got arrested and confessed and she actually,

01:56:35 this was a couple of years ago, she just killed herself.

01:56:37 It's really, really, really tragic.

01:56:38 It's not the kind, I mean, it's a bad mistake, of course, but not the kind of mistake where

01:56:42 somebody should end their life, but it's just really, really sad.

01:56:46 If I was around my family, they'd be telling me I was losing weight too fast, you're wasting

01:56:50 away, that's not healthy.

01:56:53 A major thing I learned in therapy is that I am nobody's savior.

01:56:56 I can provide help to people if they ask, but it's still their outcome to own.

01:57:01 Yes.

01:57:03 Yes.

01:57:05 So, if you have lost weight and somebody's complaining about being overweight and they

01:57:12 haven't asked you, the furthest I will ever go, this is the edge of my cliff, one step

01:57:17 further and I'm in the abyss, and I'm not kidding about that.

01:57:20 You can lose a fucking decade of your life in this abyss.

01:57:23 It's a jail sentence.

01:57:25 If I've lost weight and people around me are fat, that's an analogy, right?

01:57:31 Then if they ask me, I'll tell them.

01:57:36 James says, "I'm 11 pounds lower today than at age 18.

01:57:40 That's almost a stone."

01:57:44 James has been unstoned almost.

01:57:47 That time he was unstoned.

01:57:49 Congratulations.

01:57:51 Right.

01:57:52 So if people want to know, I'll tell them.

01:57:57 And the furthest, if I'm really desperate for something, the furthest I will go, the

01:58:01 furthest, the absolute tippy toe limit of where I'll go is I've lost weight, someone's

01:58:10 complaining about weight.

01:58:13 I'll say, "I've lost weight.

01:58:15 Would you like to know how?"

01:58:20 That's the furthest.

01:58:21 I'm not going to go, "Here's how you lose weight.

01:58:23 Here's what I did.

01:58:24 Here's the list.

01:58:25 Here's the this.

01:58:26 Here's the that."

01:58:27 I won't do that because I'm not going to try and invade somebody and substitute my will

01:58:30 for theirs.

01:58:31 That just makes them softer.

01:58:33 Honestly, have you gained any muscle from my exercise?

01:58:38 Nope.

01:58:39 Listen, you're a little flabby.

01:58:42 I'm going to die and work out for you.

01:58:44 You don't need to worry about it.

01:58:45 Just don't worry your pretty little head about it.

01:58:48 Just, I'll handle it for you.

01:58:51 If you need to pee, I'll do it for you.

01:58:53 I'll eat for you.

01:58:56 I'll pay double my taxes so you don't have to pay anything.

01:59:00 Everyone I know who is overweight and should lose weight won't quit the nighttime snacking.

01:59:05 A minimal change and they can't do it.

01:59:07 Yeah, I've had to change that.

01:59:10 Sometimes I used to wake up and if I couldn't sleep, I'm like, "Oh, I'll have a bowl of

01:59:12 cereal."

01:59:13 It's like, "Yeah, let me fill myself with carbs and lactose and then go back to bed."

01:59:17 It's pretty much the sumo diet, right?

01:59:20 Yeah, my diabetic girlfriend, let me inject that insulin in my thigh for you.

01:59:25 Yeah, yeah.

01:59:26 Yeah, furthest I'll ever go is, "Would you like to know?"

01:59:30 Hey, you seem like a pretty happy guy.

01:59:32 Yeah, I mean, I've got some thoughts about it.

01:59:34 Would you like to know?

01:59:38 "Let him who is fat cast off the first stone."

01:59:45 Yeah, true.

01:59:46 Is that what's a 14 pounds, 13 pounds, something like that.

01:59:51 It takes the primitive pick style British culture to say, "I will measure a man with

01:59:58 rocks."

01:59:59 Pounds?

02:00:00 No, none of this commie pound stuff.

02:00:03 Bag of rocks.

02:00:05 That's it.

02:00:06 Bag of rocks.

02:00:08 And to fix your teeth, you have to chew on them.

02:00:10 What is it with men and nighttime cereal?

02:00:13 You are married, aren't you, Anne?

02:00:15 Yes.

02:00:16 And nighttime cereal, I can't exactly explain it, but it is the best food to eat at two

02:00:22 in the morning.

02:00:23 Cereal is God's gift to your ass fat at 2 a.m.

02:00:28 It just is the way that it is.

02:00:30 Brenner.

02:00:31 Yeah, that's right.

02:00:32 That's right.

02:00:33 My daughter will occasionally dip into some keto cereal for dinner and I'm like, "Oh,

02:00:37 saucy."

02:00:38 Actually, not saucy, no sauces at all.

02:00:40 So yeah, you improve and if people are curious about it, they'll ask you.

02:00:44 And at the very extreme, at the very edge, you can say, "My advice," whatever, you

02:00:49 can do what you want, "My advice is, you know, say, 'Would you like to know?'"

02:00:52 Now if they're like, "Yeah, okay."

02:00:54 It's like, "No, I'm going to push it on you," right?

02:00:58 But they got to be in pursuit of you, right?

02:01:01 You don't stalk people with your improvements.

02:01:04 Now that I have you cornered, would you like to hear the good news about trans fats?

02:01:11 Now that I have you pinned down in the Mormon missionary position, I would like to tell

02:01:16 you about our Lord and Savior, UPB.

02:01:18 I don't think that's going to work because people got to have their free will, right?

02:01:23 The moment you try and substitute other people's will with your own, you destroy their capacity

02:01:29 for self-ownership or you undermine it for sure.

02:01:34 Maybe not destroy.

02:01:35 You can't really destroy it, but you undermine it.

02:01:41 Also if you grew up in an abusive household, nighttime was the only safe time to eat.

02:01:46 Lost 4.3 stone and learned how differently my coworkers treat me.

02:01:49 It's really sad when you see how differently you're treated as a person after the change.

02:01:53 I lost respect for a lot of them who treat me differently now.

02:01:56 Sorry, they treat you better because you lost weight?

02:02:00 What do you mean?

02:02:06 I have people ask me then just argue with me to waste my time.

02:02:09 Well then they don't want to know, they just want to argue.

02:02:11 I don't really want to argue.

02:02:13 If you want the knowledge, I'll give you the knowledge.

02:02:15 I'm not here to argue.

02:02:18 So you're city central, this is for you.

02:02:20 You said that people treat you differently.

02:02:21 Oh, it's just about to end.

02:02:23 You're saying that people treat you better because you lost weight?

02:02:39 I'm surprised you're surprised and I'm also surprised that you would lose respect for

02:02:42 people who treat you better because you lost weight.

02:02:44 I'm sorry, I'm just waiting for somebody says I'm under no illusion as to how I became diabetic,

02:02:53 slow motion suicide over 10 years, older me pays the price.

02:02:56 I'm sorry about that.

02:02:59 It's not really slow motion suicide, it's usually remote control, death commandments

02:03:03 usually from parental alter egos.

02:03:07 How differently they treat me now and my work performance hasn't changed.

02:03:11 I would treat someone better that has lost weight.

02:03:13 They've shown that they care about themselves.

02:03:15 Oh, Jared, that's very nice of you and false, I think.

02:03:20 Could be wrong.

02:03:23 False.

02:03:24 Why would we evolve to dislike people who were overweight?

02:03:29 Why would we have evolved to have problems with people who are overweight?

02:03:32 I'm not talking about current society, I'm talking about the gut evolutionary impulse.

02:03:36 Why would we have evolved to dislike people who were overweight and to like them more

02:03:40 when they lost the weight?

02:03:49 Have a great day.

02:03:50 Thanks for the daytime stream.

02:03:51 Thank you for the tip, I appreciate that.

02:03:52 They're a burden, tell me more.

02:03:55 Come on people, we're evolving.

02:03:57 Calories are scarce, what has the fat person done?

02:04:01 Right?

02:04:03 Fixed number of calories.

02:04:06 No grocery stores, everything is hard fought, hard won, hard grown, chasing away the crows,

02:04:11 hunting the deer, cooking everything, storing everything, pickling everything, jarring everything.

02:04:17 They're eating my, yes, they're eating your food.

02:04:21 They've taken food from you and also they're less available to fight, to hunt, right?

02:04:26 So they're taking more food and they're less available to help protect you and provide

02:04:30 for the tribe.

02:04:33 Yeah, if they're fat, part of your brain thinks they ate your food, right?

02:04:45 And also, I mean, a lot of Kings were fat, they suffered from gout and leg ulcers and

02:04:50 all kinds of things, right?

02:04:51 Probably diabetes too, although they wouldn't have called it back then, but they certainly

02:04:54 knew about gout.

02:04:57 But Kings were fat and Kings were resented.

02:05:03 Yeah, they're consuming resources from the community.

02:05:07 Yeah, because everybody provides food in common, right?

02:05:12 It's like, imagine you as a kid, right?

02:05:14 You come home with a bunch of friends, we used to do this when I was a kid, you come

02:05:17 home as a friend and you agree to pool your candy and everyone takes a certain amount.

02:05:20 And what if one kid leaves with three times the amount of candy?

02:05:22 Well, you resent that kid and you won't ask him to do it back because he obviously took

02:05:25 more than he put in.

02:05:29 Best hunted won't be fat, they'll be muscular.

02:05:31 Fat means they aren't exerting themselves as much, that's right.

02:05:35 Fat means that they're taking food from babies, they're taking food from the weak, the sick,

02:05:41 the old, whoever, right?

02:05:43 Yeah, pregnant women are given first choice on food, yeah, absolutely, organs and meats,

02:05:49 for sure.

02:05:52 So rural Eastern Europe, grandmother told us to find a beautiful fat wife, of course,

02:05:57 yeah, because Eastern Europe, it's cold, you need that fat as food storage, right?

02:06:02 I mean, when I had my colonoscopy done, I ate my ass for three days, tasted like, well,

02:06:08 ass, frankly.

02:06:10 Fat was status at one point, yes, so you'd have to have power control and bully and taking

02:06:15 unjustly to get fat, right?

02:06:18 So the idea that people treat you better when you lose weight, I don't know why that would

02:06:21 be surprising.

02:06:22 Now, I'm not saying, you know, everyone who's fat is greedy and bad, I'm not saying anything,

02:06:27 I'm just talking about the evolutionary pressures as to why we would dislike people instinctively

02:06:32 who were significantly overweight.

02:06:37 I mean, if it was some well-loved elder near the end of his life, he'd maybe given some

02:06:41 extra food or whatever, but that's only if there was extra food to give, and you certainly

02:06:44 wouldn't give that food to that person instead of to a pregnant woman or a child who was

02:06:48 hungry or whatever, right?

02:06:50 So yeah, so that's why, and it's funny to me, like environmentalists never seem to complain

02:06:55 about overweight people, which tells you that environmentalists only care about power, they

02:07:00 don't care about people who are overweight, because people who are overweight are really,

02:07:05 really terrible for the environment, because they're consuming way more calories than they

02:07:08 need and those calories all come at great expense to the environment, right?

02:07:14 I feel massive respect for people who used to be fat and got lean.

02:07:18 Yes, it is a very, very difficult thing to do, and it's, I mean, you guys know this,

02:07:25 right?

02:07:26 The percentage of people who lose weight and gain it all back?

02:07:29 What percentage of people fail to keep their weight off?

02:07:35 And often they'll gain even more back.

02:07:37 What percentage of people fail to keep their weight off?

02:07:46 I thought it was higher than 90.

02:07:50 I thought it was higher than 95.

02:07:53 I don't know.

02:07:54 Let me, I can look it up quickly, but it's high.

02:08:03 It's high.

02:08:07 And people who gain back, there was a Seinfeld about this, like, "Yeah, nobody ever loses

02:08:18 weight permanently."

02:08:24 And it is difficult to keep the weight off, right?

02:08:27 Although a small percentage of people manage to lose weight and keep it off, most people

02:08:29 regain all or a portion of the weight they lost, and some gain back even more.

02:08:37 Nearly 65% of dietists return to their pre-dieting weight within three years.

02:08:43 Only 5% of people, yeah, 95%, only 5% of people who lose weight keep it off.

02:08:48 Now I'm not talking about the people who get, like, the bariatric surgery, the stomach stapling,

02:08:54 and so on.

02:08:57 Only 5% of people who lose weight on a crash diet will keep the weight off, and yeah, it's

02:09:03 tough.

02:09:04 Losing weight quickly carries serious health risks.

02:09:06 It can mean your bones, it can make your bones more frail and less dense.

02:09:08 It can atrophy muscles.

02:09:09 It can wreak havoc with your immune system and leave you more susceptible to opportunistic

02:09:12 infections.

02:09:14 Your heart can also be damaged from extreme dieting.

02:09:16 Cardiologist Isidore Rosenfeld, MD, warns that crash dieting can cause heart palpitations

02:09:21 and even heart attacks.

02:09:24 A healthy rate of loss is one to two pounds to week, one or two pounds a week, and don't

02:09:29 you have to plateau after a while?

02:09:30 You can't just go straight down, you've got to plateau, reset your body weight and all

02:09:33 this kind of stuff.

02:09:34 It's a multi-year journey to lose any significant amount of weight.

02:09:44 So anywhere from 35% to 5% of people fail their diets.

02:09:49 All right.

02:09:50 Tell someone to fill out the free domain survey, fdrurl.com/survey, fdrurl.com/survey.

02:09:57 A big reason as to why most people gain back the weight they lost is due to their fat cells

02:10:01 now being small.

02:10:02 As far as I understand, no one should get liposuction after losing ... One should get

02:10:05 liposuction after losing weight to make it easier to stay at their new weight if they've

02:10:09 lost a lot of weight.

02:10:10 Yeah, your fat cells, they get formed, but they never go away.

02:10:13 They just shrink, right?

02:10:14 Which means that you're more susceptible to gaining weight back in the future.

02:10:19 So yes, yes, of course, right?

02:10:23 And of course you lose weight and your body goes into starvation mode, which means that

02:10:26 when you eat any excess, it goes straight to fat.

02:10:29 And yeah, it's tough, man.

02:10:30 It's a real wrestle to get your weight down for sure.

02:10:32 And I sympathize with people a lot.

02:10:33 I mean, I did about 30 pounds over the last 20 years.

02:10:38 I lost about 30 pounds and yeah, I've kept it off.

02:10:40 I'm looking to do another 10 just because I figure another 10 pounds lost might give

02:10:44 me another six months extra of life and life is sweet and all of that.

02:10:48 All fat cells make you feel hungry because they strive to get back to the original size.

02:10:51 I guess so, yeah.

02:10:53 I guess so.

02:10:54 It's like squishing a squishy ball.

02:10:56 Wants to pop back in, right?

02:10:57 Well, then of course, the other thing too is that your gut bacteria adapt to particular

02:11:01 diets and when you change that diet, they rebel and make you uncomfortable because they

02:11:05 want their old food back, right?

02:11:06 Isn't that the case if you cut carbs like all the bacteria, the lift off carbs get mad

02:11:09 at you?

02:11:12 There's a slow process that can reverse the fat cell creation in loose skin called autophagy,

02:11:16 but it takes a long time.

02:11:18 Reverse the fat cell creation, that means they get destroyed.

02:11:21 Is that right, James?

02:11:22 The fat cells get destroyed.

02:11:27 Intermittent fasting works great for me.

02:11:28 40 hours fast, eight hours eat.

02:11:30 40 hours fast.

02:11:31 Well, that's a lot.

02:11:34 I usually try and stop eating 8 p.m. and then I usually don't eat till sort of 1 p.m. the

02:11:39 next day.

02:11:40 All right.

02:11:41 The carb bacteria do get mad if you stop eating carbs.

02:11:45 Yeah.

02:11:46 Oh, the body reclaims them.

02:11:47 They eventually go away.

02:11:48 Oh, that's good to know.

02:11:49 That's good to know.

02:11:51 Hopefully my body back fat, ass fat reclamation project is underway and we're conquering them

02:11:58 like a reverse crusade.

02:12:00 All right.

02:12:01 Having roommates who have unrestricted diets are rough for any weightless loss hopes.

02:12:05 Oh yeah.

02:12:06 I mean, you know, family and holidays and people just lurch from birthdays to Thanksgiving

02:12:10 to Christmas to Valentine's.

02:12:11 It's always an excuse for dessert and then if you've got people around you who are eating

02:12:15 too much, I mean, every single thing that you do to lose weight has more to do with

02:12:23 your environment than yourself.

02:12:25 In my experience, right?

02:12:27 In my experience.

02:12:31 Everything to do with weight loss for me has to do more with my environment than with my

02:12:35 willpower.

02:12:36 In other words, I need to be around people who don't overeat or it helps.

02:12:42 I need to not have stuff in the house because if it's not there, I'm not going to go out

02:12:46 and get it.

02:12:47 But if it's there, I might snack on it.

02:12:49 And so yeah, so for me, apple crumble is like a weakness.

02:12:54 It's the way that I can only imagine that's the tree of knowledge of good and evil to

02:12:58 the apple.

02:12:59 That's how it tasted.

02:13:00 Oh, you work at a hotel, there's temptations galore.

02:13:02 Yeah.

02:13:03 I used to work at Loblaws as a temp many, many, many years ago and they had this big

02:13:09 bowl of cookies come right off the elevator and President's Choice cookies.

02:13:12 I mean, I could have a couple and be like, "Oh, I'm dozy on the Excel spreadsheet at

02:13:16 this point."

02:13:17 So yeah, it's not great.

02:13:19 So to me, weight loss is not a willpower thing.

02:13:22 It's an environment thing.

02:13:23 Just don't have it around.

02:13:24 Don't have it around.

02:13:26 You know, for me, like the new thing is I have no sugar added yogurt and some fruit.

02:13:32 And that's how I try and hit my sweet tooth.

02:13:34 I'm still warring over whether to put a handful of granola in or not because I know granola

02:13:37 is not great for you.

02:13:38 I'll do some raisins instead, but that's the new thing for snacking for me and all of that.

02:13:45 My husband basically gains and loses the same 20 to 25 pounds every year.

02:13:49 I dislike watching him yo-yo.

02:13:50 Yeah, he should look into that.

02:13:52 That's not great.

02:13:53 That's not good for your health to gain and lose the same amount of weight.

02:13:56 Yo-yo dieting is really, really not good.

02:13:59 That's my opinion, right?

02:14:00 Obviously, do your own research.

02:14:01 I'm no doctor.

02:14:02 I'm not giving anybody any advice.

02:14:06 The people who tried to bribe Steph with money to lose his principal should have tried Apple

02:14:10 Crumble.

02:14:11 Should we finish on Elon?

02:14:13 Should we finish on Elon?

02:14:15 Does it matter?

02:14:16 Elon's FU.

02:14:18 Boy, talk about a collision of two mindsets.

02:14:23 Elon was being interviewed by some Sorkin.

02:14:25 I think his name's Sorkin.

02:14:26 I don't know if he has any relation to the West Wing Rider.

02:14:28 But he was like, you know, Sorkin was interviewing Elon.

02:14:33 It's like, you know, a lot of people feel uncomfortable with the platform because of

02:14:35 this, that, and the other, and it's too radical, it's too this, it's too that.

02:14:38 And he's like, what, these people, they try to bribe me with money?

02:14:43 And fuck them.

02:14:47 And the guy was like, literally speechless.

02:14:50 Like, wait, people are threatening to withhold money from you.

02:14:53 Like, you understand that, and that should be the final argument.

02:14:56 People are threatening to withhold money from you.

02:15:01 How could you not change your behavior?

02:15:04 And he's like, no, fuck them.

02:15:06 They're trying to threaten and bribe me to do the wrong thing?

02:15:10 No, fuck them.

02:15:11 Go advertise elsewhere.

02:15:12 But that means that your business could collapse.

02:15:14 And it's like, well, that's for the world to judge.

02:15:16 These businesses will have killed X or Twitter.

02:15:20 Well, no, they'll say that you did it.

02:15:22 It's like, well, let's let the world judge for that, right?

02:15:23 And he said, and rightly so, like he said, I've done more for the environment than any

02:15:28 other single individual on earth, and I'm kind of sick and tired of people who only

02:15:32 pretend to be good while doing evil, fuck them too.

02:15:34 And it's because Linda, whatever her name is, was actually in the audience while he's

02:15:38 saying, and of course, it's all reported.

02:15:40 He's saying to all the advertisers, fuck you.

02:15:43 And I was like, no, he's saying to the advertisers who are trying to manipulate him into giving

02:15:50 up free speech through threatened boycotts and blackmail.

02:15:55 And like, if you obey my amoral or immoral agenda, I'll give you money.

02:16:00 Like that's bribery, right?

02:16:05 Of course, I think Elon Musk is pretty cool in a lot of ways, but he's no debater.

02:16:11 It's not what I would have said.

02:16:15 It's not what I would have said.

02:16:18 It's cool that he said it for sure, but it's not what I would have said.

02:16:29 So the businesses lose money by not advertising.

02:16:34 Yes, but businesses don't care about losing money these days if they're full of woke people.

02:16:42 No, he's a pretty good communicator.

02:16:44 I mean, he's so high IQ, he's good at just about everything.

02:16:49 It caught a lot of attention.

02:16:51 Well, thanks, Jared.

02:16:53 What would you have said?

02:16:54 I appreciate you giving me that prompt.

02:16:56 Well, I mean, I would have said something along the lines of, no, they're not refusing

02:17:03 to advertise with me because they feel that my platform is inappropriate.

02:17:07 They're perfectly happy to advertise on mainstream platforms that have literally led America

02:17:11 into wars that have cost millions of lives.

02:17:16 So let's not pretend that they have some moral scruples about my immorality because I've

02:17:20 not led anyone into a war and neither has Twitter.

02:17:25 So they're perfectly happy to advertise on platforms that have contributed to the

02:17:28 deaths of millions of people.

02:17:31 So let's not pretend that they have any moral scruples.

02:17:33 They're doing this so that free speech is destroyed.

02:17:37 They're not doing this because of anything I did or some good or bad thing that I did

02:17:40 because you would sort by this and say, well, maybe I said some edgy things, but at least

02:17:44 I didn't start wars that killed millions of people.

02:17:48 So if you're going to sort by things that you have a problem with and the top one is

02:17:51 free speech, not say starting a war, then fuck you with your supposed moral outrage.

02:17:55 It's all bullshit and it's all manipulation and it's all a woke agenda.

02:17:58 They just want to destroy free speech.

02:17:59 They don't have any moral qualms about anything.

02:18:01 Otherwise the first place they'd pull their heads for is for people who started wars.

02:18:06 Anyway, and other things, but yeah, I mean, you know, that's my particular skill set.

02:18:14 You know, maybe he's as good as debating as I am at engineering, but I think Elon has

02:18:19 a lot of trauma.

02:18:20 Oh yeah, it's not a lot of fun to be Elon Musk.

02:18:22 I mean, he says this directly himself.

02:18:29 But yeah, I just thought it was interesting where the guy's like, well, no, this could

02:18:31 cost you money.

02:18:32 He's like, no, fuck that.

02:18:36 So you don't need to cut this clip and circulate it.

02:18:39 I don't mind if this stays in the hinterlands here, that's fine.

02:18:44 But yeah, I mean, the idea that, you know, I mean, and you know, people like Bill Gates,

02:18:53 who remained friends with Jeffrey Epstein after his sins and crimes were revealed and

02:18:57 so on.

02:18:58 And the idea that people platform, you're happy to interview people like Bill Gates,

02:19:01 who were friends with like these serial soul murdering pedophiles.

02:19:05 It's like, eh, you know, let's not start bringing up all these moral qualms that these companies

02:19:10 have.

02:19:11 Please give me a break.

02:19:12 No, his childhood was not easy.

02:19:13 That's right.

02:19:14 His childhood was not easy.

02:19:15 All right.

02:19:16 Well, thank you, everyone.

02:19:17 It was so great.

02:19:18 I just wanted to mention, I might be able to do a show tomorrow night.

02:19:22 I'm not entirely positive I will be able to do a show tomorrow night.

02:19:26 I may have something on.

02:19:27 I'm sorry to be annoying, but that's one of the reasons I wanted to do the show today.

02:19:33 You dropped a donation.

02:19:34 Oh, well, pick it up and triple it.

02:19:37 No, I'm kidding.

02:19:38 Thank you very much.

02:19:39 He said, remembering to be gracious.

02:19:40 I appreciate that.

02:19:41 Thank you so much.

02:19:42 If you all want to support the show, freedom.com/donate is hugely, hugely appreciated.

02:19:48 Yeah, Gates, well, he's dead.

02:19:52 Yeah.

02:19:53 FC never got debanked, right?

02:19:55 So yeah, I just appreciate that.

02:19:58 Freedom.com/donate.

02:19:59 I would really, really appreciate that.

02:20:02 Thank you.

02:20:03 Thank you so much and have yourselves a wonderful afternoon.

02:20:05 It was great to chat with you guys during the day.

02:20:08 Thanks for an earlier stream.

02:20:09 It's easier to participate from Finland, not having to stay up past midnight.

02:20:12 Oh, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

02:20:14 Is it a little difficult to get life-changing philosophy out at midnight?

02:20:17 Do you turn into a pumpkin?

02:20:18 I'm just kidding.

02:20:19 Sorry about that.

02:20:20 I appreciate that.

02:20:21 Sorry about the false audio issue.

02:20:22 My iPhone was underneath my laptop.

02:20:24 Hey, I have no problem with you sharing it.

02:20:26 I thought it was great to share because it was a great object lesson on check yourself

02:20:29 before you criticize others.

02:20:30 And I have to remember to do that too, obviously.

02:20:32 No problem, no question.

02:20:33 So this happens.

02:20:34 All right.

02:20:35 Thanks, everyone.

02:20:36 Have yourselves a glorious evening.

02:20:37 Lots of love from up here.

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