HOW TO BE STRONG!

Stefan Molyneux

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Transcript

00:00:00 All right, good evening, good evening.

00:00:01 Now I just started the recorder.

00:00:03 It is the 11th of August, 2023.

00:00:05 It is Friday Night Live.

00:00:08 And I am ready for your questions and comments.

00:00:13 I was just saying that I did a call-in this afternoon.

00:00:17 It was a long call-in, too, over two hours.

00:00:19 It was the first in the history of the show because this was a mother whose son listens

00:00:24 to the show, and he really, really insisted that she call me.

00:00:28 Of course, she didn't really know me that well, and so we had a very, very interesting

00:00:33 conversation, and I was really, really glad that she called in, and I absolutely encourage

00:00:39 other people to do the same.

00:00:41 So I hope that you will check that out.

00:00:42 It's going to go out to donors.

00:00:44 She was a little reticent at some of the topics, which I can completely understand.

00:00:49 You'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you listen to it, so you can check it

00:00:52 out at freedomand.locals.com for donors.

00:00:57 And it's like five bucks a month, right?

00:00:59 Honestly, it's like two coffees a month.

00:01:02 All right.

00:01:06 John says, "I've had a recurring, recurring, recurring dream for 10 plus years.

00:01:10 I'm back in high school, but at my current age.

00:01:13 In the dream, I always come to the conclusion that I'm an adult and don't need to be there

00:01:17 anymore.

00:01:18 Could you help me understand why this keeps coming up?"

00:01:25 So I have a general theory about people in life, and the theory is something like, where

00:01:32 do you get stuck?

00:01:33 Where do you get stuck?

00:01:34 So one of the reasons why addicts are so immature is that they get stuck.

00:01:39 So when I was in theater school, my writing teacher gave me a writing assignment, and

00:01:44 the writing assignment was to write about a play about one of the patients of Oliver

00:01:51 Sachs, Oliver Sachs, he was the inspiration behind the movie with Robin Williams and Robert

00:01:56 De Niro called Awakenings.

00:01:58 He's a neuropsychiatrist or something like that.

00:02:02 He does a lot of work with the brain.

00:02:04 And he had a sailor.

00:02:07 Now the sailor had a very interesting, he was in a psychiatric ward, the sailor had

00:02:10 a very interesting mental issue, which was he forgot everything.

00:02:16 He had almost no long-term memory.

00:02:19 So he forgot everything.

00:02:21 What happened is he'd think he was still 23.

00:02:24 He would have forgotten everything that happened since the age of 22 or 23.

00:02:29 And every now and then, because he was in his 50s at this point, every now and then

00:02:32 he would look into the mirror or catch sight of himself in a mirror, or even the side of

00:02:36 a toaster or something, and he'd completely freak out.

00:02:38 Like, "What the hell's the matter with me?

00:02:39 Where did my hair go?

00:02:40 Why is my hair white?

00:02:41 What's happening?"

00:02:42 He'd completely freak out, but five or ten minutes later, he would be perfectly calm

00:02:48 again because he wouldn't remember what had just happened.

00:02:51 So I wrote a play about this guy.

00:02:56 And in the play, he was an alcoholic in the Navy.

00:02:59 And in the play, I had alcohol affects your memory, alcoholism destroys your memory.

00:03:05 So in the play, I had him in the Navy, and he was drinking and drinking and drinking

00:03:10 until he drank back past his first drink.

00:03:17 He only started drinking in his early 20s.

00:03:19 So he kept drinking, kept destroying his memory until he erased even his memory of drinking,

00:03:24 and therefore that's why the memory loss stopped at the age of 22 or 23, because he stopped

00:03:29 having the memory of even being an alcoholic.

00:03:32 So that was my big twist in that play.

00:03:35 I've got it, I'm sure, somewhere, but that was the play.

00:03:39 So he got stuck there.

00:03:40 I mean, very sort of physically, he got stuck at the age of 22 or 23.

00:03:47 And if you look at your life, you look at the lives of people around me, one of the

00:03:50 things that I first ask is, "Okay, where did this person get stuck if they're sort of stuck

00:03:53 in their life?

00:03:54 Where did they get stuck?"

00:03:56 And tell me if you know someone like this, right?

00:03:59 You know someone like this, which is...

00:04:02 Yeah, the man who mistook his wife for a hat, that's another one of his, right?

00:04:09 So I had a friend when I was younger, when we were in our mid-teens, he did martial arts

00:04:18 and we played Dungeons and Dragons, and then the last time I saw him was probably, I don't

00:04:23 know, 17 years ago, and he was playing Dungeons and Dragons and doing martial arts, and he

00:04:28 was still single.

00:04:31 And so he just stopped, he stopped there.

00:04:33 He just was not able to progress beyond the mid-teens.

00:04:37 You know that...

00:04:38 Oh, Julia, your parents, right?

00:04:39 Yeah, this happens a lot.

00:04:40 This happens a lot to immigrants, right?

00:04:42 So let's say that you grew up in Italy in the 1960s, and then you move to America, you

00:04:46 move to Canada, whatever.

00:04:47 Then what happens is, you're carving up a piece of 1963 Italy, and you're moving over

00:04:53 to some other place, and then you hang around with all these other people who've also carved

00:04:56 off a piece of 1963 Italy, and you all hang out together, and then you completely end

00:05:01 up with nothing.

00:05:03 Because you don't change, right?

00:05:06 1963 Italy goes to '64, '65 continues to progress, continues to change, but you're like this

00:05:10 broken off little shard that doesn't progress, doesn't change.

00:05:16 And so you end up... you can't go back to Italy because Italy's not the way you left.

00:05:20 You get frozen in time, time stuck.

00:05:22 You get time stuck.

00:05:23 Somebody says, "I have a roommate, seems about 50 years old, hasn't dated since he was 18,

00:05:29 still hosting Dungeons and Dragons and working as a grocery butcher."

00:05:31 Yeah, stuck.

00:05:34 So what happens with addicts is, they have some emotional trauma, they use their addiction

00:05:39 to try and deal with that emotional trauma.

00:05:42 It doesn't work, but they get stuck.

00:05:45 That's the price.

00:05:46 The price of not dealing with your shit is you get stuck.

00:05:49 So hit me with a why if you know somebody who's stuck in time.

00:05:54 They're doing this Groundhog Day.

00:05:55 Their body's aging, obviously, their body's aging, but they're stuck in time.

00:05:58 They're just doing this Groundhog Day over and over and over again.

00:06:00 Maybe it's you.

00:06:02 Maybe it's you.

00:06:04 See, physical growth is not optional.

00:06:09 Physical aging is not optional.

00:06:12 Puberty, well, I guess now it's somewhat optional, but in my day, puberty was not optional.

00:06:20 Going bald, not optional.

00:06:22 Getting older, not optional.

00:06:23 Aches and pains, not optional.

00:06:24 Well, I guess it's optional in that you can throw yourself off a bridge, but assuming

00:06:27 you stay alive, physical aging is not optional.

00:06:32 Ah, but emotional aging, that is a different matter.

00:06:39 Emotional aging is like muscles.

00:06:42 You don't get it if you don't work at it.

00:06:47 You don't get it if you don't work at it.

00:06:51 You know what entropy is, right?

00:06:55 What's entropy?

00:06:56 Tell me what is entropy.

00:07:01 All your roommates, that scares you.

00:07:03 Maybe they would say the same thing.

00:07:05 Entropy, no, entropy is not chaos.

00:07:08 Yeah, increased disorder, dissolution, atrophy, it's dissolution of order.

00:07:19 You work to pile up a big pile of sand or you build a sand castle, what happens to the

00:07:22 sand castle over time?

00:07:24 Shatters down, returns to the sand.

00:07:30 Everything tends towards dissolution.

00:07:35 So that's human life, the life of the mind, the life of emotional maturity.

00:07:42 Nothing is guaranteed, and I mentioned this story before, but I remember being really

00:07:47 struck by this when I was in my mid-teens and I saw this woman who was 85 and this woman

00:07:52 who was 60 just bickering, this mother and daughter team just bickering about useless

00:07:56 crap in the back of the bus.

00:07:58 And I was like, "Oh shit.

00:08:05 Oh damn.

00:08:10 You don't have to grow up.

00:08:12 You can be the same bitchy little non-entity at 85 that you were at 15.

00:08:19 You never have to grow."

00:08:22 Yeah, so the opposite life is the opposite of entropy in a way, right?

00:08:31 Neganthropy is when within a closed system, the things go from chaos to order, life forming

00:08:35 from the energy of the sun.

00:08:36 Yes, that's right.

00:08:37 I mean, the I, right?

00:08:40 I mean, you know, you leave anything.

00:08:42 It rots, it ages, it fades, right?

00:08:46 And there's this weird thing where, you know, like, okay, hit me with a Y, no, hit me with

00:08:51 a number, hit me with a number.

00:08:54 And it's going to be a horrible number for some of you.

00:08:56 You own a house.

00:08:58 What's the worst unexpected bill you ever got?

00:09:03 You got a house.

00:09:05 What's the worst unexpected bill?

00:09:07 You I mean, outside of taxes, that's an unexpected bill.

00:09:10 Unexpected bill that you ever got where somebody was just like, you know, that pause, like

00:09:14 something's wrong with your house and you bring on the guy, the guy comes in and he's

00:09:19 just like, and you say, oh, what's the issue?

00:09:22 And it's just like long pause.

00:09:25 And the longer the pause, the more you better grab some oxygen and a crash helmet because

00:09:30 he's going to hit you with a number that's just going to be like, maximum oof.

00:09:38 Tree removal, 2200 bucks.

00:09:41 Yeah, what was your furthest bill?

00:09:43 $300 water bill.

00:09:44 $300 water bill, you had a leaking toilet, $30 fix.

00:09:48 Yeah, not a homeowner.

00:09:49 Roof $8,000, 500 pounds.

00:09:51 You had to pay $5,000 for tree removal.

00:09:54 New fence, $10,000.

00:09:58 Medical expenses can be similar too, right?

00:09:59 Oh, the AC in Vegas broke.

00:10:02 Oh, you don't need AC in Vegas, do you?

00:10:04 That's like needing heating in Montreal in February.

00:10:07 Ooh, HVAC, that's heating, ventilation and air conditioning system.

00:10:11 You had a $12,000 HVAC bill.

00:10:14 Ooh, I rarely have anxieties to someone, but when I do, it's on the way to a car mechanic.

00:10:20 Arizona, I don't know what that means, but I assume it's something to do with air conditioning

00:10:24 or humidifying, right?

00:10:25 I mean, you must have heard of this, like people whose wooden floors just buckle and

00:10:29 crumble because they didn't keep their place properly humidified.

00:10:33 The damn turbo in the car, 2500 bucks.

00:10:37 You're not really surprised by the bill nowadays?

00:10:39 Yeah, well, you know, it's nice being a homeowner, but every now and then it's just like, bend

00:10:45 over and grab your shoelaces, son, this is going in without a lube.

00:10:50 We just had a $500 electricity bill, $300 water bill.

00:10:53 That's two of us.

00:10:55 Wow.

00:10:56 Wow.

00:10:57 That's, are you currently powering the sun and the ocean currents?

00:11:01 That seems quite high.

00:11:03 That seems quite high.

00:11:05 The worst sound is no sound when turning the key in your car.

00:11:08 I don't think that's the worst sound.

00:11:10 The worst sound is the explosion.

00:11:11 No.

00:11:12 You know, because that just means probably a battery is dead or the ignition or something

00:11:16 like that, right?

00:11:17 The worst sound is some horrible retching of a cat with a hairball carburetor nonsense

00:11:22 or something, right?

00:11:24 A new house, the soil was poor, new grass was $16,000.

00:11:27 Ouch.

00:11:28 I had a $1,000 control module for my furnace in April.

00:11:33 Yeah.

00:11:34 Oh, they're fighting a war with the world's major supplier of natural gas.

00:11:38 Well, Ukraine can pretty much feed the entire planet, so it's part of the "let's make people

00:11:42 starve" agenda, right?

00:11:45 So anyway, so long story short, with a homeowner, you have to, if you live in an apartment,

00:11:49 you don't really get entropy because you just call the super and the super fixes it, but

00:11:52 when you are a homeowner, whether it's a condo, in particular a house, you get entropy because

00:11:56 everything's just going to fall apart.

00:11:59 Like, oh, somebody just installed artificial grass for $9,000.

00:12:02 Oof.

00:12:04 Yeah.

00:12:06 No I actually, I worked for a company and I was director of marketing.

00:12:11 No, actually, sorry, that was a different company.

00:12:13 I was director of technology, basically chief technical officer for a company, and their

00:12:18 entire business was, they had massive models to figure out when the owners of large property

00:12:25 portfolios when they would need new roofs, new windows, new doors, new HVAC.

00:12:30 So, because, you know, sometimes there's a couple of years when nothing happens and then

00:12:33 everything happens at once, and so they helped people smooth out their extremes by projecting

00:12:38 up 25 years ahead of time when your costs were going to be.

00:12:42 I know a lot about this, like, process and pricing and entropy and all this kind of stuff.

00:12:46 So, yeah, so entropy is the key.

00:12:50 And entropy happens with your bodies, after this point you were talking about, where things

00:12:56 get organized.

00:12:57 Things decay, every photocopy is slightly less better than the photocopy, you keep photocopying

00:13:02 a photocopy and eventually you just end up with a blur, right?

00:13:07 So that's the way that life works.

00:13:10 You get old and then you die, but as far as emotional maturity, it is far from guaranteed.

00:13:18 In fact, I don't know, I mean, how do you guys find it?

00:13:22 I find that emotional maturity when you're on the goal and you're in the process, it's

00:13:26 like working out, it's hard to stop once you get going, it's kind of easy.

00:13:30 But do you guys find emotional growth, emotional maturity, becoming wiser, better, more calm,

00:13:35 more peace of mind, more even-handed, more perspective, do you find that that's getting

00:13:41 easier as time goes on?

00:13:44 Hit me with a "why" if you find emotional maturity getting easier as time goes on.

00:13:51 Yeah, some people, I mean, it seems like most people, yes, some people, no.

00:14:01 Right.

00:14:02 Yes, and it tends to be a positive, right, there's a death spiral, there's a negative

00:14:06 feedback loop, and then there's a positive feedback loop.

00:14:09 And the older that I get, you know, I mean, it's funny, you know, I don't know if you've

00:14:14 been a long-time listener, how long was it, how long ago was it that I beat cancer?

00:14:19 How long ago was it that I beat cancer?

00:14:22 I just realized this the other day.

00:14:26 I had lymphoma.

00:14:27 Yeah, that's right, 10 years.

00:14:30 Thanks, Jeff, appreciate that.

00:14:34 Ten years.

00:14:35 One decade ago, I beat cancer.

00:14:39 And of course, I just had a colonoscopy, and everything's fine, and health is fine, everything's

00:14:44 good.

00:14:47 So those, you know, if they're all saying, if you want something done, give it to the

00:14:51 busy person, people who are growing, keep growing, people who are stagnant, harden,

00:14:57 right?

00:15:00 I hate to think about you having cancer, though thankfully you're okay, Steph.

00:15:03 Well, having cancer could have saved me from cancer.

00:15:07 I mean, having cancer could absolutely save me from cancer.

00:15:09 I don't know if you know anything about how to spin these things.

00:15:12 I'm a big judo spin to the positive kind of guy, as you know.

00:15:15 How does having cancer save me from cancer?

00:15:23 I'll give you guys a moment to puzzle that, right?

00:15:26 You've got to extract something good out of everything that happens.

00:15:29 You have to.

00:15:30 It's sort of a responsibility to alive.

00:15:44 While you're thinking about it, I will go and show you how having cancer saves you from

00:15:51 cancer.

00:16:02 Here we go.

00:16:25 This is how having cancer saves you from cancer.

00:16:29 What do I have on my head?

00:16:33 What do I have on my head?

00:16:36 How unselfconscious do I have to be to wear this outside and in public?

00:16:43 What kind of sun hat?

00:16:44 A woman repellent.

00:16:48 You love bucket hats, Steph?

00:16:50 Yeah.

00:16:51 It's a fishing hat, it's a sun hat?

00:16:54 No.

00:16:56 I'm going to tell you.

00:16:59 On Golden Pond.

00:17:00 Yes, that's right.

00:17:01 Henry Fonda.

00:17:02 Henry Fonda, oh gosh, what was her name?

00:17:09 Catherine Hepburn.

00:17:10 Oh gosh.

00:17:11 I've just got a hat like that.

00:17:15 My wife isn't the biggest fan.

00:17:16 Okay, a married man helmet.

00:17:19 I'll never cheat, right?

00:17:20 So look, when I got cancer, it was lymphoma, and once again, thanks to the wonderful Canadian

00:17:29 healthcare system that misdiagnosed me for about a year.

00:17:32 Actually I had two biopsies done and it wasn't cancerous, but then when it was taken out

00:17:38 finally it had turned cancerous, because it took them a year to even get me an appointment.

00:17:43 So I ended up having to flee to the States to get treated.

00:17:47 So you need the Indiana Jones one?

00:17:50 No, so this is, I'm going to make this, I don't give a lot of recommendations, so I

00:17:53 hope it means something.

00:17:55 This is what's called a Tilly hat.

00:17:58 A Tilly hat is a truly fantastic hat.

00:18:00 I'm Tilly.com, I think it is T-I-L-L-E-Y.

00:18:04 The founder is an objectivist, just wanted to mention that.

00:18:07 Yes, it did first show up as a lump.

00:18:09 So a Tilly hat is a fantastic hat.

00:18:12 It's very comfortable, it's very breezy.

00:18:13 The washing instructions literally are give it hell, right?

00:18:16 Just you can do whatever you want.

00:18:18 It brings its shape back and it's like UV, 6,000 protection or something like that.

00:18:24 So because I had radiation therapy, chemo and radiation, they told me to keep radiation

00:18:32 off my throat, right, my neck.

00:18:36 So I got myself this big ass, I mean, this is my third one I think, right?

00:18:41 And not because they wear out, just because I leave them, right?

00:18:44 So a Tilly hat, T-I-L-L-E-Y, I get no, they don't give me any money, I don't have any

00:18:50 affiliation with them, this is purely just my experience.

00:18:54 And a Tilly hat is fantastic.

00:18:56 So getting cancer, say, skin cancer because I use this, it keeps the sun off my head,

00:19:00 my neck, everything.

00:19:02 And so because I'm blonde and blue-eyed, the odds of skin cancer I think are a little bit

00:19:07 higher.

00:19:08 So yeah, I would, yeah, it's got a little pocket inside of it and you can keep stuff

00:19:15 and it's got a strap for windy days and honestly it's got a little hook for hanging.

00:19:21 Like they put every single piece of thought into this hat that you can.

00:19:24 They're not super expensive and they've got, you can't really see this too well, this is

00:19:29 a little breeze, it's got little ventilation stuff in here so if it's breezy it cools your

00:19:33 scalp and it really is just a fantastic.

00:19:36 Okay, yes, that's right, Jungle River Adventure with Steph, right?

00:19:41 And so you need to supplement vitamin D though.

00:19:45 Yes, I'm aware.

00:19:47 So yes, I did not do immune therapy, I don't know what that is.

00:19:51 So I just, this is what, right, so I got cancer, most likely going to save me from any kind

00:19:57 of skin cancer.

00:19:58 So that's the general idea, just get something good out of everything that happens.

00:20:03 So if you need a hat and I would strongly recommend it, particularly if you're fair

00:20:06 skinned, just do it.

00:20:10 Just do it.

00:20:14 They solved every problem except how to get women to like it.

00:20:18 Well, but a woman who doesn't appreciate that you're taking care of your health, what kind

00:20:25 of woman is that to have around?

00:20:27 The answer is, it's a mad woman to have around.

00:20:29 So I get what you mean, it looks kind of goofy and all of that, but you can leave your hat

00:20:36 on.

00:20:37 I love that song.

00:20:38 I'll donate another 50 bucks on the FDR site if you leave the hat on.

00:20:42 God, do you think I'm for sale like that?

00:20:45 I mean, good Lord, where's my pride?

00:20:47 Oh, look, there it is.

00:20:48 My pride is on the floor with my hat.

00:20:51 Hang on.

00:20:55 There we go.

00:21:01 Hat, no shirt and show feet.

00:21:03 See, I can even put the hat on sideways.

00:21:09 Now I look like a UFO, another happy customer.

00:21:11 I'll keep this on for a bit, but no, you don't have to donate the 50 bucks.

00:21:14 I'll just keep this on for a bit, but that's very kind.

00:21:16 Thank you.

00:21:17 I appreciate that.

00:21:18 It's a fine hat.

00:21:19 Look, who cares?

00:21:20 Who cares?

00:21:21 I'll tell you something.

00:21:22 Hit me with, hit me, I don't want you to know your exact ages.

00:21:27 Well, I do, but I won't ask.

00:21:29 Hit me with an N if you're under 50.

00:21:32 Yeah, hit me with an N if you're under 50.

00:21:36 Right.

00:21:37 Okay, so you're under 50.

00:21:43 Now I'm going to tell you something from this side of the horizon, right?

00:21:47 Because I'm going to be 57 next month.

00:21:49 I'll be 57 years old next month.

00:21:51 So I'm going to tell you something from the other side of the horizon.

00:21:54 Okay.

00:21:55 Hit me with a number.

00:21:57 Okay.

00:21:58 Hit me with a number.

00:22:01 This is the number of times a month you get a second glance from a woman.

00:22:05 Like just anywhere in public, second glance doesn't mean that she's flirting with you.

00:22:09 Doesn't mean she talks to you.

00:22:10 Just, you know, you get a second glance from a woman.

00:22:13 Hit me with a number.

00:22:16 How many times a month do you get a second glance from a woman?

00:22:21 Or a man if you're a female.

00:22:24 So we've got some numbers here.

00:22:27 Eight, zero, 10, elder time, four maybe, 10 at least, 10 to 15, hundreds, 10 to 20 a day.

00:22:41 Good for you, man.

00:22:44 Used to be a lot more, LOL.

00:22:46 Three, two, Julie, you're gorgeous.

00:22:49 What are you talking about?

00:22:50 Two.

00:22:51 Crazy.

00:22:52 Right.

00:22:53 Now, I'll confess you something, right?

00:22:58 I used to get checked out a lot.

00:23:00 I mean, you guys have seen, you've seen the pictures of me when I was younger, right?

00:23:07 I mean, even pre this show, right?

00:23:10 Have you seen?

00:23:13 Every couple of months I'll break this one out.

00:23:18 Every couple of months I'll break this one out.

00:23:21 Because you know, you guys didn't know me before back in the day.

00:23:24 Like I've got my entire history and you don't, right?

00:23:28 So let's see here.

00:23:34 I got this somewhere.

00:23:35 I never have it too handy, but I will find it.

00:23:41 This yeah, I mean, I was, you know, I was a tasty slice of man crumpet.

00:23:45 I think it's fair to say.

00:23:46 Oh, that's because this stuff is not sorted by name.

00:23:48 All right, hang on a sec here.

00:23:52 Sort by name.

00:23:54 There we go.

00:23:57 All right.

00:24:00 So this is me.

00:24:04 I was 21 years old, I think, right?

00:24:08 You get a lot more views after weightlifting.

00:24:19 You got more glances when you lost more weight.

00:24:28 So no, I didn't do the cheek suck thing in this picture.

00:24:31 So that's me at 21, 22, right?

00:24:36 Yeah, it's pretty chatty.

00:24:37 Would you say?

00:24:38 I mean, just look, I'm still, look, I still, I still like the way I look.

00:24:41 I got no problem with that.

00:24:43 I'm fine with the way I look.

00:24:45 But you know, tell me I didn't get checked out a little bit, right?

00:24:49 I got checked out a little bit, like Heath Ledger style or whatever it is.

00:24:51 I got checked out quite a bit, right?

00:24:54 Big chatty forehead.

00:24:55 Big chatty forehead.

00:24:56 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:58 So that's me.

00:25:00 And you know, it wasn't a head of hair that you expected I would sneeze and lose in my

00:25:03 20s, but that's just the way, that's the way it went.

00:25:07 Now, but I'll tell you something interesting, right?

00:25:08 So at 50, almost 57, I mean, I've lost a little bit of weight.

00:25:14 So you know, obviously that takes out the facial features a little bit, right?

00:25:19 Yeah.

00:25:20 And this was the, this picture was, oh gosh, oh, I've got one of me when I was a little

00:25:33 younger too.

00:25:34 Let's see here.

00:25:37 I don't think I've shared this one in forever, if I have at all, but I found this one too.

00:25:44 Oh yeah.

00:25:45 So this is me, some prom or other.

00:25:49 Yeah, it was like some prom or other.

00:25:55 And so this was me, you know, not, not bad at all, right?

00:26:01 That was my girlfriend, I think at the time.

00:26:03 So not, I look like Val Kilmer's brother.

00:26:10 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:11 So not bad, not bad, right?

00:26:12 I mean, and I can't really take, I can't, you know, it's not something I take pride

00:26:16 in, it's just sort of an accident of birth and all that kind of stuff.

00:26:18 My mom happened to be very pretty and I think those genes kind of, kind of passed along.

00:26:24 So this one, I, this was, I guess it was prom.

00:26:30 So I was 18, I guess, right?

00:26:33 So the first one is 21.

00:26:35 I remember that because that's a, that was a passport renewal picture or something like

00:26:39 that.

00:26:43 So what I want to point out is, was my hair going by then?

00:26:49 I don't think so.

00:26:50 I think I just had a really short cut at that point.

00:26:52 I mean, I've always had a pretty high forehead, but I don't think my hair was going at that

00:26:56 point.

00:26:57 And so anyway, so the reason I'm saying all of this is that just, I've just noticed this

00:27:02 over the last, I don't know, four to six months or whatever, that being checked out by women

00:27:09 is virtually gone.

00:27:11 And I think, do I play chess?

00:27:12 I do play chess and I have taught my daughter.

00:27:17 So I've just noticed it's kind of diminished.

00:27:21 And I think that's very interesting because I'm just at the age where having children,

00:27:26 if I was single or whatever, right?

00:27:28 I'm just at the age where having children with me would be kind of risky, right?

00:27:31 So it's just kind of interesting that I think women are sort of scanning for age and have

00:27:34 good age scanners.

00:27:37 And it doesn't matter if I have a hat on or anything like that.

00:27:39 I think that there's just a marker that has occurred with regards to how I look or anything

00:27:46 like that, which is, I think you are not paying attention like you used to since you're married

00:27:51 and have a kid.

00:27:52 I think you're biased.

00:27:53 Like, I appreciate that.

00:27:55 But come on, don't you?

00:27:56 I've been checked out ever since I got married, right?

00:27:59 So that's not it.

00:28:00 I mean, I've had a kid now for close to 15 years and I just, I noticed the difference.

00:28:05 Listen, I'm not down at it at all.

00:28:07 I'm not negative about it at all.

00:28:08 It's just an interesting phase of life.

00:28:10 I mean, I have the love and attention of my wife, which is really all that matters.

00:28:14 So the fact that strangers aren't checking me out is, it doesn't bother me.

00:28:20 Honestly, I know this doesn't bother me at all, but like, it genuinely doesn't bother

00:28:23 me because it's just interesting to see that tipping point and it's very rapid.

00:28:28 It's very rapid.

00:28:29 Now, why is this interesting to me?

00:28:34 Why is this interesting to me?

00:28:35 Because, listen, we've got a lot of ladies here, right?

00:28:41 No, honestly, everybody knows when they're being checked out.

00:28:45 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:46 It doesn't matter if you're married or not, or as a friend of mine said, "I'm married,

00:28:49 I'm not blind."

00:28:50 Right?

00:28:51 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:52 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:53 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:54 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:55 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:56 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:57 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:58 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:28:59 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:00 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:01 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:02 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:03 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:04 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:05 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:06 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:07 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:08 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:09 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:10 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:11 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:12 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:13 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:14 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:15 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:16 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:17 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:18 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:19 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:20 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:21 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:22 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:23 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:24 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:25 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:26 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:27 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:28 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:29 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:30 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:31 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:32 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:33 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:34 It's just a natural human instinct.

00:29:35 How do you know if you're being checked out?

00:29:41 You need that?

00:29:45 Okay.

00:29:48 Does anybody want, what are your tips?

00:29:55 Yeah, if you look at them and they look away quickly.

00:29:59 If you look at them with a smile, they give a half smile and look away quickly, right?

00:30:04 That's all.

00:30:05 That's all.

00:30:06 I mean, it's not much complicated than that, is it, right?

00:30:09 You always do a raised eyebrow.

00:30:12 What are you, hunting for a Vulcan?

00:30:15 Fascinating human mating behavior.

00:30:18 In MBTI, there's this thing called sensor and intuitive.

00:30:23 I don't know what MBTI is, but so, yeah, I guess if you can raise an eyebrow, if you

00:30:30 want to bang a robot, I suppose, but you know, if you're looking for, I don't know, a human

00:30:35 female.

00:30:36 But, oh, Maya Briggs?

00:30:38 Okay.

00:30:39 But Maya Briggs is just made up crap, right?

00:30:42 You all know that.

00:30:43 Maya Briggs was concocted by two secretaries who had no idea what they were doing.

00:30:46 Like, you all know it's just completely made up stuff, right?

00:30:49 Everybody knows that, right?

00:30:50 Maya Briggs is not, it's not a scientific test.

00:30:52 It wasn't made up by psychologists.

00:30:54 It's just a bunch of nonsense.

00:30:56 It's got about as much predictive ability as a Ouija board.

00:31:00 You might as well read tea leaves.

00:31:03 Oh, my God, I remember I scared my high school crush away with too much eyebrow action.

00:31:08 John F., last name not Kennedy.

00:31:11 Too much eyebrow action?

00:31:13 What are you, trying to woo a caterpillar?

00:31:15 Ah, I'm looking for a menage a trois with two plump and rumptious Arkansas ditch caterpillars,

00:31:21 and I believe I've got the eyebrows to make that happen.

00:31:24 Bow, ka-ta-bow, bow, bow, ka-ta-bow, bow.

00:31:28 I was 14?

00:31:30 Well, that's just wrong, man.

00:31:32 Don't be putting the moves on caterpillars when you're 14.

00:31:35 I mean, the caterpillars are like 14 days, man.

00:31:39 You can't see my eyebrows under the hat, I guess.

00:31:41 Yeah, see, that's true.

00:31:42 That's true.

00:31:43 I also saved my eyebrows from crows.

00:31:45 Yeah, I remember at government job they talked about Maya Briggs.

00:31:48 Yeah, Maya Briggs is, you might as well just have the magazine Cosmopolitan,

00:31:53 just do a Cosmo test, you know.

00:31:56 So, rumptious is a great word, isn't it though?

00:31:59 So, anyway, it's interesting.

00:32:01 So, for the ladies here, and also if you want a tip, fantastic,

00:32:03 I know we're not whole deep philosophical stuff here, but it was a great conversation.

00:32:06 Okay, so, for the ladies here, did you know when you hit the wall?

00:32:13 Because I literally over the last month or two or three or whatever,

00:32:16 I've just like, wow, I'm on the other side.

00:32:18 I'm on the other side.

00:32:20 Because, look, we all know there's an age where you don't get checked out anymore, right?

00:32:23 Everybody knows that.

00:32:24 Look at some guy who's 80 or whatever, tottering along with a walker,

00:32:27 he's not getting checked out, right?

00:32:28 Everybody knows there's an age where you stop getting checked out.

00:32:32 I'm past that.

00:32:33 I just, I have broke the sound barrier.

00:32:35 I broke the Chad barrier.

00:32:38 I have overlapped Chadness.

00:32:41 I have been forcibly and most unceremoniously evicted and extradited from Chadistan.

00:32:52 So, for women, you notice when this happens, right?

00:32:56 And again, if I was a single guy and trying to meet women, this would be pretty tough.

00:33:01 But, you know, I'm married more than 20 years and perfectly happy with my wife.

00:33:07 So, but I, because, you know, men talk about the wall and they sort of,

00:33:12 I've talked to women about the wall and so on.

00:33:16 I haven't yet.

00:33:17 People are shocked when they card me for drinks.

00:33:19 See, Julie, oh, Julie, you look fantastic, just telling you, right?

00:33:24 Does display of resources compensate for old age

00:33:26 or are you just getting gold diggers at that point?

00:33:28 No, displays of resources don't compensate for old age.

00:33:30 First of all, I don't display resources.

00:33:33 I don't, what was I saw this, huh?

00:33:36 Andrew Tate thing about, I don't know, having sex with an attractive transgender

00:33:42 as opposed to having sex with an unattractive woman.

00:33:45 And he was like, "Here's where they're going to put the Bugattis."

00:33:47 I'm like, "What are you doing, man?"

00:33:49 I don't know.

00:33:50 It's just I'm not a display guy as far as any of that stuff goes, right?

00:33:55 But $6.90 tip, that's pretty funny.

00:33:59 As a certain minority, I get an extra 55 years.

00:34:02 Oh, black don't crack.

00:34:04 So, let me just see here, what did he say?

00:34:10 I feel like the age of when I'd hit the wall.

00:34:12 My father, I'd have the most faith in him being able to offer honesty about that.

00:34:16 Yeah, no, displays of resources don't compensate for old age

00:34:19 because post-war, you have to, like if you have to pay for it,

00:34:25 if you have to pay for attention, then it's not good for your ego, right?

00:34:30 It's bad for your ego, right?

00:34:38 When I took my wife out for our last anniversary,

00:34:42 I tipped the waiter to cart my wife.

00:34:45 He did a great job, by the way, really, really believable.

00:34:50 Guys are lucky, though.

00:34:51 Women fall in love with their ears, not eyes.

00:34:54 Really? Ever heard of a band called Duran Duran?

00:35:01 So, no, women don't just fall in love with their ears.

00:35:05 I mean, some women do for sure, right?

00:35:07 And it's probably sweet-talking or smooth-talking is a little bit better,

00:35:10 but no, it's really interesting for me because I think what happens to me at 56

00:35:14 happens to most women at 40.

00:35:16 Because, you know, men get, I guess, a zero to driver's license number of years, right?

00:35:25 No, intelligence is not everything.

00:35:28 Come on, Chip and Dale's Magic Mike, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling with his shirt off,

00:35:38 they're not saying who's the smartest and funniest and most smooth-talking guy around.

00:35:43 Maybe it's a modern thing with women, but this idea that men are into looks

00:35:47 but women are just into intellect and funny, no, that's not--

00:35:50 that may not be the case for you, but in general, that's the case.

00:35:54 Yeah, Fifty Shades of Grey.

00:35:58 You can beat me if you have a helicopter.

00:36:03 Yeah, it's just interesting to have experienced the war and how sudden it is, right?

00:36:08 Yeah, Justin Bieber, come on, right?

00:36:11 Without social skills, the IQ is worthless.

00:36:13 Not true, IQ is worth quite a lot.

00:36:15 You look at a lot of the massive advances in engineering and science and math,

00:36:20 it's by guys with high IQ and very few social skills.

00:36:26 OMG, how do women like that stupidity of 50?

00:36:36 Yeah, being a philosopher is dangerous enough without wearing expensive things in public.

00:36:41 Okay, let me--Justin is a talented, hard-working guy.

00:36:46 Yeah, but he was kind of a jerk for many, many years, right?

00:36:49 He wasn't like a quality individual, right?

00:36:52 I mean, he was doing really trashy things with terrible company and, I don't know,

00:36:58 doing terrible things in his rapper posse and just--

00:37:01 I mean, he was kind of trashy for a long time, right?

00:37:09 Let me--a fat, ugly, but charismatic guy will always beat an unconfident stud.

00:37:16 Yeah, you've got to be careful with these absolutes.

00:37:21 Somebody says, "I used to be a 9. Women definitely care about looks."

00:37:28 Let me ask you this, do you guys have a weakness?

00:37:34 Somebody says, "Having been married for 41 years,

00:37:36 I don't think I am the target audience for this conversation,

00:37:38 but I do remember when I realized the girls were way more interested in my sons than in me,"

00:37:42 which is kind of what you want if you want to become a grandfather.

00:37:45 Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure.

00:37:50 Yeah, I mean, even when I was a kid, there were these magazines like Tiger Beat and Teen Beat

00:37:55 and stuff like that, and they always had these Leif Garretts and super pretty guys

00:37:59 and Scott Baio and all of these super pretty guys on the cover and--right?

00:38:11 Tiger Beat, yeah, that's back in the day, right?

00:38:13 Let me ask you this, do you have an ostentatious weakness thing?

00:38:18 Like, is there something you--like, you know you shouldn't, I don't know,

00:38:20 wear it or drive it or have it out in public, but you just do?

00:38:24 Do you have--I'm just curious, what is it?

00:38:30 I'm just curious if you have a thing.

00:38:32 I'm telling my age.

00:38:33 Luke Perry, yeah, Luke Perry, 90210, it's a whole bunch of pretty people, right?

00:38:38 Although I don't remember what the name of the other guy was,

00:38:40 but he ended up being a race car driver.

00:38:42 I thought the other guy was much better looking than Luke Perry.

00:38:51 You wear old clothes?

00:38:52 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:53 How much weight or value should I hold IQ versus looks versus virtue

00:38:56 in looking for a woman?

00:38:57 I'm currently dating a woman who is smart and very virtuous

00:38:59 but not physically attractive to me.

00:39:00 I greatly struggle with this.

00:39:02 Why is she not physically attractive to you?

00:39:05 Is she overweight?

00:39:09 Used to be cars?

00:39:10 I'm trying to upgrade my wardrobe to walk that direction.

00:39:13 Oh, yeah, listen, if you're a single guy, you should absolutely throw yourself

00:39:19 into looking good and show a little flash.

00:39:22 I think show a little flash.

00:39:24 Used to be cars?

00:39:26 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:28 New age crystal girls?

00:39:30 Oh, dear.

00:39:32 My wife is aware of the wall, says Corey.

00:39:34 She's been having issues after our third child.

00:39:36 She brings up plastic surgery and recently wants me to back off initiating sex

00:39:39 and she wants control there.

00:39:41 Big issues there.

00:39:42 I'm worried she feels I'm there for looks and not virtues.

00:39:44 Any advice you can give?

00:39:46 I do very much let her know I want to die old with her

00:39:48 and value her for her virtues.

00:39:52 She wants plastic surgery?

00:39:54 On what?

00:39:55 Liposuction?

00:39:56 I don't know what you mean by plastic surgery.

00:39:59 She brings up plastic surgery.

00:40:00 You want her boobs pumped full of helium again?

00:40:03 I don't know.

00:40:04 I mean, having a bunch of kids hacking off your boobs

00:40:06 does drag them kind of knee-wood after a while, right?

00:40:14 All right.

00:40:17 All right.

00:40:19 All right.

00:40:21 Is it time for us to go deep?

00:40:23 Jason Priestley.

00:40:24 Thank you, Julie.

00:40:25 I bet you didn't have to look that up, now, did you?

00:40:28 Jason Priestley.

00:40:29 I thought he was much better-looking than Luke Perry.

00:40:31 All right.

00:40:32 Is it time?

00:40:33 Is it time to go deep?

00:40:40 I don't know if--hit me with a "Y."

00:40:41 Deep, deep, deep.

00:40:43 Balls deep?

00:40:44 Well, I can't do that.

00:40:45 That's illegal in most states.

00:40:52 Luke Perry was kind of weird-looking, yeah.

00:40:58 All right.

00:40:59 Have you limbered up?

00:41:00 Have you done your kegels?

00:41:04 So hit me with a "Y."

00:41:06 What are we going deep about?

00:41:08 Who cares?

00:41:09 We're going deep.

00:41:10 Maybe we'll find the Titanic.

00:41:11 Maybe we'll come out in China.

00:41:13 Marianne and Trench, baby.

00:41:14 All right.

00:41:15 Hit me with a "Y" if you have somebody's insecurities around that you have to manage.

00:41:20 Hit me with a "Y" if you have somebody's insecurities around that you have to manage.

00:41:24 They're coming to you for reassurance.

00:41:26 They want you to prop them up.

00:41:27 They just keep falling down, and you have to pick them up.

00:41:31 Hit me with a "Y."

00:41:35 All right.

00:41:36 Slight majority, yes.

00:41:38 All right.

00:41:39 Second question.

00:41:40 Hit me with an "M" if you're that person that you need to be propped up,

00:41:43 you have significant insecurities that you're constantly running to other people to fix.

00:41:48 Hit me with an "M" if you're that person,

00:41:50 because it could be that you have someone in your life who's like that.

00:41:53 It's just you.

00:41:55 Okay, so we've got a few, right?

00:41:58 Used to.

00:42:01 Oh, Julie's just so perfect.

00:42:02 No, I'm kidding.

00:42:04 All right.

00:42:05 "M," my therapist is an angel, right?

00:42:09 Right.

00:42:11 Would you like to cure insecurities?

00:42:17 Had an "X" like that.

00:42:18 Was a bunny burning psycho.

00:42:20 No, you mean bunny boiling from, right?

00:42:22 You want to know how to deal with these insecurities?

00:42:24 Because this is back to the guy whose wife is really insecure, right?

00:42:34 Right.

00:42:37 I mean, would you say a bunny boiler,

00:42:39 so bunny boiler refers to the Glenn Close character in the movie with Michael Douglas called Fatal Attraction.

00:42:49 This woman, she's a--

00:42:52 Michael Douglas spent a whole career in the '80s and '90s playing hard done by put upon white men,

00:42:58 and middle-aged, upper middle class white men.

00:43:01 So he dates this woman, and she ends up becoming a real psycho and stalking him.

00:43:06 She gets pregnant, and she ends up boiling his children's precious bunnies in a pot.

00:43:13 Yeah, scared the pants on to married men for decades.

00:43:15 Yeah.

00:43:16 Yeah, and by the way, the actress, Glenn Close, was--her mother had severe mental illnesses.

00:43:22 "Falling Down" is one of your favorite movies?

00:43:24 I thought the first half was good.

00:43:25 I got kind of bored in the second half, but that's just my opinion.

00:43:27 It doesn't really mean anything.

00:43:30 Okay, so.

00:43:35 Let's see.

00:43:36 I'd like to know I'm getting older, and I won't say it's easy.

00:43:40 Okay, listen, but give me fair feedback.

00:43:43 Give me fair feedback.

00:43:44 Do I feel fairly comfortable with my looks, my voice, my whatever, my being?

00:43:50 I mean, you see me give speeches.

00:43:51 You see me do documentaries, and I've taken my shirt off, and I mean, it's fairly--you know, nobody's perfect, right?

00:43:58 Do you think I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin?

00:44:02 And I'm not saying this for praise.

00:44:03 I just, like, if I am going to give you advice on how to deal with the insecurities that we all have,

00:44:08 I want to know if I have any credibility, if there's something that I'm missing in myself, right?

00:44:15 I did notice you took off your hat, though.

00:44:17 Well, that's because I don't want the shadow overshadowing my eyebrows and expressions and all of that kind of stuff, right?

00:44:24 Mostly comfortable, but watching the youth slip away is uncomfortable.

00:44:28 Well, that's because you've never had a near-death experience or a near-fatal illness, right?

00:44:32 The great thing about, say, having cancer is you never complain about getting older.

00:44:38 You're a set person, always projecting confidence.

00:44:42 I don't know what set person is, but I appreciate that.

00:44:45 Staff project confidence and experience.

00:44:47 Yeah, look, I have my moments and all of that kind of stuff, but, you know, for the most part, I think I'm all right.

00:44:52 If I have some credibility with that, fantastic.

00:44:54 Now, oh, whole person? No. Calm.

00:44:59 Calm! Who are you calling calm? Sorry.

00:45:01 So, um...

00:45:04 So, tell me if this has been your experience when you deal with an insecure person.

00:45:16 Oh, I just feel bloated. I just feel so unattractive.

00:45:21 I just... I don't feel comfortable either.

00:45:23 I don't like the way I look. I even hate the way I sound at the moment.

00:45:27 It's just... I just feel awful.

00:45:29 No, you're beautiful and you sound wonderful. There's nothing wrong.

00:45:32 Maybe, you know, you look fantastic.

00:45:34 Yeah, you're just saying that, you know.

00:45:36 You can't judge things objectively because you care about me so much,

00:45:39 and I appreciate that you care about me. I really do.

00:45:41 But I know how I used to be and how I used to look, and it's just...

00:45:45 It's different. It's changed.

00:45:47 It's just... I can't close the class with these pants.

00:45:51 You know, you're on your period. You're a little bloated.

00:45:54 Oh, I appreciate that. That's so nice for you to say,

00:45:57 but I know my own body. I know what's happening and all of that, right?

00:46:01 And so you just... you prop up and... you prop up and... you prop up and... right?

00:46:06 Have you ever, ever experienced that?

00:46:10 Would you not be friends with such a person?

00:46:15 Oh, please. Don't be such a precious absolutist.

00:46:21 Oh, Steph, I can smell all the victim vibe before it ever begins.

00:46:25 Okay.

00:46:27 Okay. Tell me if you've ever looked in the mirror

00:46:32 and been severely displeased with what you see.

00:46:35 I have. I'll be honest. I've looked in the mirror and said,

00:46:40 "I am not happy with what I see. Severely displeased with what I see."

00:46:43 Yes. So, look, we all have these bits and sometimes that can be super healthy, right?

00:46:48 Sometimes that can be super... only every morning?

00:46:51 Yeah, okay. So you get it, right?

00:46:53 Dang hair won't behave. At least it hasn't abandoned you.

00:46:57 There's defooing and then there's descalping.

00:47:01 Yeah, looking back at old photos.

00:47:03 Wasn't that...

00:47:06 There's that guy... you've heard this...

00:47:10 Have you ever heard this thing, the guy talking about,

00:47:13 "Be sure to use your sunscreen"?

00:47:15 There's a line in it that's really, really important.

00:47:22 I don't know if I can find it or not.

00:47:29 It's like a song, right?

00:47:38 [silence]

00:47:46 Ah, yes. There we go.

00:47:48 This was an essay written by Mary Schmish, published in 1997 in the Chicago Tribune.

00:47:55 And it was life advice stuff and it was pretty good, right?

00:48:01 And it was something like this.

00:48:07 "Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97, wear sunscreen.

00:48:11 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

00:48:16 The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

00:48:19 whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

00:48:24 I will dispense this advice now.

00:48:27 Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth."

00:48:32 Oh, never mind.

00:48:34 "You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

00:48:37 But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself

00:48:41 and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you

00:48:46 and how fabulous you really looked.

00:48:49 You are not as fat as you imagine.

00:48:53 Don't worry about the future, or worry.

00:48:58 But know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

00:49:04 The real troubles in your life are apt to be the things that never cross your worried mind,

00:49:09 the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

00:49:14 Do one thing every day that scares you.

00:49:17 Sing!

00:49:18 Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

00:49:21 Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

00:49:25 Floss.

00:49:27 Don't waste your time on jealousy.

00:49:30 Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

00:49:33 The race is long.

00:49:35 And in the end, it's only with yourself.

00:49:39 Remember the compliments you receive.

00:49:41 Forget the insults.

00:49:43 If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

00:49:47 Keep your old love letters.

00:49:50 Throw away your old bank statements.

00:49:52 Stretch.

00:49:55 Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

00:49:58 The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

00:50:02 Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

00:50:06 Get plenty of calcium.

00:50:09 Be kind to your needs. You'll miss them when they're gone.

00:50:14 Maybe you'll marry. Maybe you won't.

00:50:18 Maybe you'll have children. Maybe you won't.

00:50:22 Maybe you'll divorce at 40.

00:50:25 Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

00:50:29 Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.

00:50:35 Your choice is a half chance.

00:50:39 So are everybody else's.

00:50:42 Enjoy your body.

00:50:45 Use it every way you can.

00:50:47 Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it.

00:50:51 It's the greatest instrument you'll ever know.

00:50:54 No!

00:50:56 Dance.

00:50:59 Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

00:51:02 Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

00:51:07 Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

00:51:12 Get to know your parents.

00:51:16 You never know when they'll be gone for good.

00:51:19 Be nice to your siblings. They are the best link to your past

00:51:23 and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

00:51:26 Understand that friends come and go,

00:51:32 but for the precious few you should hold on.

00:51:37 Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle

00:51:43 because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

00:51:51 Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

00:51:56 Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

00:52:02 Travel.

00:52:07 Accept certain inalienable truths.

00:52:11 Prices will rise.

00:52:15 Politicians will philander.

00:52:21 You too will get old.

00:52:25 And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,

00:52:30 prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,

00:52:33 and children respected their elders.

00:52:36 Respect your elders.

00:52:39 Don't expect anyone else to support you.

00:52:42 Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse,

00:52:46 but you never know when either one might run out.

00:52:50 Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

00:52:57 Be careful whose advice you buy,

00:53:02 but be patient with those who supply it.

00:53:05 Advice is a form of nostalgia.

00:53:09 Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off.

00:53:14 Painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

00:53:19 But trust me on the sunscreen.

00:53:25 And I like this line, that you're more beautiful

00:53:29 than you remember.

00:53:32 And of course you will look back and say, "I look way better."

00:53:36 Okay, so I just, I remembered that, somebody made it into a song,

00:53:39 it's kind of neat, thank you for the tip, my friend,

00:53:42 I really, really appreciate that.

00:53:45 Alright, we all have the nagging voice in our head that says

00:53:52 that we're worse than we are, that we're fatter than we are,

00:53:55 that we're less attractive than we think, that our teeth are yellower

00:53:58 than they actually are, that they're down, they're undertow,

00:54:01 they're self-critical, we all have it, right?

00:54:03 At least anybody with a conscience has it.

00:54:05 It's an offshoot of the conscience.

00:54:08 So people who don't have an inner critical voice

00:54:11 are very dangerous.

00:54:14 How often do you see in movies, you see this thing where it's like,

00:54:17 "Oh yes, he can kill and torture without remorse,"

00:54:20 you know, like Reddington from, I don't know, whatever that Blacklist show is.

00:54:25 People without an inner critical voice

00:54:29 don't have a conscience and are extremely dangerous.

00:54:33 Yeah, a third of people don't have any internal monologue at all, for sure.

00:54:36 It tends to be a bit of a European thing, I think.

00:54:39 So, let's get back to this fellow's wife.

00:54:48 Let me just go back and find his comment.

00:54:52 Let's go back and find this man's wife.

00:54:55 Because I can cure in about ten minutes.

00:54:58 Some of this stuff is really tough, some of this stuff is not.

00:55:05 Right.

00:55:08 Ah, here we go.

00:55:10 She's always been very pretty, he says.

00:55:13 Okay, so just so we can remember.

00:55:16 "My wife is aware of the war.

00:55:20 She's been having issues after our third child.

00:55:22 She brings up plastic surgery and recently wants me to back off initiating sex.

00:55:25 And she wants control there. Big issues there.

00:55:28 I'm worried she feels I'm there for looks and not virtues.

00:55:31 Any advice you can give?"

00:55:33 "I do very much let her know I want to die old with her and value her for her virtues."

00:55:38 Right.

00:55:41 So, the statement is from the wife.

00:55:51 "I'm not attractive.

00:55:54 I've lost it physically. I've had three children.

00:55:57 My body's never going to bounce back to the way it was.

00:55:59 I'm going to have this pouch.

00:56:01 It's like a kangaroo that swallowed an Uber driver."

00:56:04 I don't know why Uber driver just popped into my head.

00:56:07 "For men it's like I have the middle-aged muffin top.

00:56:12 I spill over like Mount Vesuvius from the top of my Old Navy khakis.

00:56:19 I have man boobs.

00:56:21 I'm balding. I'm just not attractive anymore."

00:56:24 Right.

00:56:30 So, four words will cure you of that.

00:56:35 Four words will cure you of that.

00:56:38 "I'm not attractive anymore. I don't get checked out by women anymore.

00:56:42 I'm almost 57. I'm too old."

00:56:44 Right.

00:56:45 Are you ready? Hit me with a "why". I want to make sure everyone's...

00:56:48 Are you here? Are you paying attention? Are you with me?

00:56:50 I don't mean to nag. I'm just curious.

00:56:53 Yeah.

00:56:55 Alright.

00:56:57 Wife says to you, "I'm unattractive. I'm disgusted by myself.

00:57:00 I'm gross. I'm overweight. I can't get back into shape.

00:57:03 I need plastic surgery. I'm just unappealing.

00:57:05 I just don't look good anymore." Right.

00:57:08 Are you ready for the four words? Hit me with a "why".

00:57:12 Are you ready for the four words to cure this?

00:57:15 Yes. Alright.

00:57:19 "I'm just fat and unattractive."

00:57:22 What if that's true?

00:57:27 What if that's true?

00:57:30 Stop fighting her.

00:57:33 Because you're stuck in this death spiral of,

00:57:36 "I'm unattractive." "No, you're beautiful."

00:57:39 "I'm disgusting." "No, you're lovely."

00:57:42 Doesn't work. It doesn't help.

00:57:45 Because you're trying to drag her away from that which terrifies her.

00:57:52 What if that's true?

00:57:55 What if that's true?

00:57:59 What if after three kids,

00:58:02 you will never again have your youthful figure?

00:58:05 For whatever reason, right?

00:58:07 So what if that's true?

00:58:09 What if you're going to have that pouch, that pooch, that muffin top,

00:58:11 the boob sagging, what if the cellulite, what if the stretch marks?

00:58:15 So what if that's true?

00:58:18 What if that's true? Let's process that like it's true.

00:58:21 What happens if that's true?

00:58:24 Let's sit down and go through it.

00:58:27 "What if I get fired?"

00:58:30 Okay, what if that's true? What if you get fired? Let's talk it through.

00:58:33 What if you get fired?

00:58:36 What does it mean to you if you never regain your youthful beauty?

00:58:40 Spoiler, you will never regain your youthful beauty.

00:58:45 What if that's true?

00:58:48 Insecurities can be a problem-solving opportunity.

00:58:51 Yes!

00:58:54 What do you do when you're chased by a devil?

00:58:58 What do you do when you're chased by a devil?

00:59:04 No, you don't run.

00:59:07 What do you do?

00:59:10 Permission to swear, please. Hit me with a "Y" if it's okay.

00:59:14 To swear.

00:59:16 I will let your

00:59:19 guidance.

00:59:22 What do you do when you're chased by a devil?

00:59:32 You turn the fuck around.

00:59:35 You turn the fuck around.

00:59:40 And you say,

00:59:43 "What if you catch me?"

00:59:46 What if you catch me?

00:59:49 What if you catch me?

00:59:52 Oh, fighting.

00:59:55 You can't fight this stuff.

00:59:58 Hit me with a "Y" if you've ever had any luck

01:00:03 out shouting, out arguing your inner critic.

01:00:09 Have you ever hit me with a "Y"? I'm happy to hear this.

01:00:11 Maybe you're infinitely better than I am.

01:00:13 Have you ever had any luck out shouting your inner critic?

01:00:16 Shouting him down, getting him to heal, anything like that?

01:00:19 No, of course he wins, because you're fighting him.

01:00:26 When you fight your inner critic, you're telling your inner critic,

01:00:29 "It's a disaster if I lose. I can't lose."

01:00:35 Does that help? Does that make you win?

01:00:37 Does that make him go away? Does that make him calm down?

01:00:39 No.

01:00:41 Yeah, he has buttons I can't use against him in response.

01:00:43 Brilliant. Brilliantly put. Absolutely brilliantly put.

01:00:53 So for me, "Oh my gosh, I'm beyond the wall.

01:00:55 Women don't check me out anymore."

01:00:57 So what if that's true?

01:01:00 So what if that's true?

01:01:02 Are you on the market? You are not.

01:01:07 So what if that's true?

01:01:15 You thought he was a physical being?

01:01:24 What is the opposite of self-criticism?

01:01:28 What is the opposite of self-criticism?

01:01:29 How do you fight self-criticism?

01:01:31 Trust me, I've had to wrestle this one on and off.

01:01:34 Self-love, acceptance, nah.

01:01:37 That's the result. What is the opposite of self-attack?

01:01:45 "Oh, hey, Philip. Long time no see."

01:01:47 "Oh, Manuel. Nothing but net. Three-pointer."

01:01:51 Curiosity.

01:01:56 The devil is chasing you. Turn around and say, "What do you want?"

01:02:02 "Well, you're nothing. You're no one. You're wrong."

01:02:05 So what if that's true? And if that's true, then what?

01:02:08 "Well, it's bad and it's wrong.

01:02:10 You just don't know what you're doing and you're ugly and you're..."

01:02:13 Okay, so what if that's true? What if that's true?

01:02:20 You know, I've been writing stories, fiction.

01:02:28 How long have I been writing fiction for?

01:02:30 This is a little quiz.

01:02:33 How long have I been writing fiction for?

01:02:36 When did I write my first short story?

01:02:46 Six. I was six years old in Africa and I wrote my first short story.

01:02:50 I still remember it almost word for word.

01:02:54 I've been writing fiction for half a century.

01:03:02 How many books have I had published by real publishers?

01:03:07 How many novels have I had published by real publishers?

01:03:13 Zero. Yeah, zero.

01:03:16 I've had a massive amount of interest.

01:03:18 I've had the most incredible reviews and enthusiasm for my work.

01:03:23 But nothing.

01:03:26 Now, of course, you know, the inner critic.

01:03:28 You don't want to be insane, right?

01:03:30 I mean, tell me this.

01:03:32 What are the odds that I'm a great novelist but nobody wants to publish me?

01:03:36 What are the odds?

01:03:37 I mean, these are conversations I've had with myself for decades, right?

01:03:40 What are the odds that I'm a great novelist?

01:03:45 How was Revolutions published?

01:03:47 It was to some degree self-published.

01:03:48 It wasn't like an official publisher with a big budget and a marketing and so on, right?

01:03:52 It wasn't self-published like it didn't pay for it.

01:03:55 I didn't actually have to pay for it.

01:03:57 So, yeah, what are the odds that I'm a great novelist that nobody wants to publish?

01:04:05 Yeah, virtually zero.

01:04:09 Virtually zero.

01:04:20 So my inner critic was like, "You suck!"

01:04:24 Even though writing teachers loved what I did, reviewers loved what I did,

01:04:27 my agent loved what I did.

01:04:29 I had an agent for a while.

01:04:30 So what are the odds?

01:04:32 So, of course, my inner critic, and the inner critic has a point, you know,

01:04:37 because the inner critics work in the numbers and say, "Okay, what are the odds

01:04:41 that you're a great novelist but nobody wants to publish you?"

01:04:48 I don't sell physical copies. I appreciate that.

01:04:50 But no, it's too much hassle to mail and all that kind of stuff.

01:04:55 So you've got to work the numbers. You've got to work the odds, right?

01:05:01 Now, the odds that I'm a really good novelist or a great novelist

01:05:04 that nobody wants to publish are virtually zero,

01:05:06 because almost all the people that nobody wants to publish are not good writers.

01:05:16 Now, it is possible that you could be a great writer that nobody wants to publish

01:05:22 for ideological reasons, for, like, you know...

01:05:29 You just bought RTO and Essential Philosophy?

01:05:31 Oh, good, I'm glad. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

01:05:33 Freedomain.com/books

01:05:37 You can go to thegodofatheists.com if you want to get my modern comedy.

01:05:41 Well, modern at the time.

01:05:43 And I'm sure... Look, come on.

01:05:50 Hit me with a "why" if you've ever had an impossibility project.

01:05:53 Like a project that's just... you'd never bet a penny on it.

01:05:57 It's virtually impossible.

01:05:59 The idea that you could achieve it is almost beyond comprehension.

01:06:02 Hit me with a "why" if you've ever had an impossibility project.

01:06:09 Of course you have. Of course you have, because you've got to try, right?

01:06:12 You've got to try.

01:06:16 I think I'm a great novelist. I genuinely believe that.

01:06:19 I believe that the publishing industry is too infested by leftists and socialists

01:06:23 and communists and ideologues who just want to push out demoralizing crap

01:06:28 to poison the culture, and my books are incredibly deep and positive

01:06:33 and life-affirming.

01:06:35 That's my belief. That's my very singular, deep, and personal belief.

01:06:47 So my inner critic was like, "Call yourself a writer.

01:06:52 Nobody wants to publish you. Nobody wants to read your letter."

01:06:55 And it's like, "But the work is good."

01:06:59 The work is good. To me, the work is great.

01:07:06 So what if it's true that I suck as a novelist?

01:07:11 What if it's true?

01:07:16 What then?

01:07:18 Do I enjoy writing my books? I certainly do.

01:07:20 Do I think they're good? I certainly do.

01:07:23 What if I suck?

01:07:24 So that's one question.

01:07:25 Now the other question, of course, if you're down on yourself,

01:07:29 do you know what the big question is in philosophy?

01:07:33 The biggest question in philosophy, why does philosophy exist?

01:07:36 Why does philosophy exist? What's the biggest question?

01:07:38 The biggest question in philosophy is, compare it to what?

01:07:42 Compare it to what?

01:07:44 This is an old story from a philosophy professor.

01:07:51 Somebody came up to the philosophy professor and says, "How's your wife?"

01:07:54 And he said, "Compare it to what?"

01:07:56 That's kind of a funny joke, right?

01:08:00 Is this true? Compare it to what?

01:08:03 Is this moral? Compare it to what?

01:08:05 Is this right? Compare it to what?

01:08:07 Is this valid? Compare it to what?

01:08:12 Compare it to what?

01:08:15 What do you compare a truth statement to?

01:08:19 What is truth? Compare it to what? Compare it to falsehood.

01:08:25 Compare it to what?

01:08:27 So what I did, knowing what I know about philosophy,

01:08:32 is I said, "These publishers, these agents,

01:08:39 they don't want my novels."

01:08:46 How do you overcome that?

01:08:49 How do you overcome that?

01:08:51 You say, "Compare it to what?"

01:08:56 Right?

01:08:58 Now, you think this is about my writing?

01:09:00 It is not about my writing.

01:09:03 Hit me with a "why" if you've recently been rejected

01:09:06 by somebody you want to be friends with or go out with.

01:09:11 Let's just say dating.

01:09:13 Someone out, you're interested in someone, doesn't work, right?

01:09:16 Yeah, you've happened, right?

01:09:18 Okay. Have you ever done a follow-up

01:09:21 with a woman who rejected you to find out who she settled with?

01:09:25 Have you ever done a follow-up

01:09:31 of a woman who's rejected you to find out who she settled with?

01:09:37 Now, hit me with a plus ten if the man they settled with

01:09:41 was much better than you.

01:09:42 Hit me with a minus ten if he was much worse than you.

01:09:44 And you can go any number in between.

01:09:53 Minus seven, zero, it was exactly the same as you.

01:09:56 Minus nine, plus three, minus nine.

01:10:02 Right.

01:10:07 If you were attracted to a woman

01:10:10 and she ended up with a much better man than you,

01:10:12 then you have an obligation to become a better man.

01:10:15 Right?

01:10:18 Is that fair to say?

01:10:21 Like if you're kind of a liar and she ended up with a guy who tells the truth,

01:10:24 then you have an obligation to learn from that

01:10:27 and start telling the truth, right?

01:10:28 So if a woman chose someone better than you,

01:10:30 you can learn from that and become better.

01:10:33 Is that fair to say?

01:10:38 Indirect follow-up I just know, single mothers.

01:10:44 Bet you don't, bet you don't, bet you don't like your life.

01:10:50 You got two fat children and a drunken man.

01:10:54 Right.

01:10:56 Now if you asked a girl out and she said no to you

01:11:04 and she ended up with a guy who cheated on her

01:11:07 or a guy who was mean or a guy who got her pregnant and dumped her

01:11:11 or a guy who's unemployed or a guy who's just some kind of loser

01:11:14 or some kind of addict or some lazy waste about or whatever, right?

01:11:18 If the woman who dumped you ends up with someone worse,

01:11:28 what does that mean?

01:11:32 That she rejected you compared to what?

01:11:35 Why did she reject you?

01:11:37 If you're rejected, what do we want to do?

01:11:40 We want to run from rejection.

01:11:42 We want to avoid it.

01:11:43 We want to fight back.

01:11:44 We want to put the other person.

01:11:45 Just be curious.

01:11:47 So for me, my work got submitted to various publishers, right?

01:11:53 And they rejected my novels.

01:11:58 So then what I would do is I would say,

01:12:00 "Okay, they rejected my novels compared to what?

01:12:02 Compared to what?"

01:12:03 So then I would see what they were publishing.

01:12:06 Is that fair?

01:12:07 You follow up and you see, "Okay, but if you didn't want me,

01:12:09 who did you want?

01:12:10 If you didn't want my books, whose books did you want?"

01:12:14 Do you see what I mean?

01:12:22 Do you see where I'm going with this, right?

01:12:27 Now, if a publisher rejects my novels

01:12:32 and then publishes what I consider to be malevolent garbage,

01:12:36 ugly, nasty, undermining, horrible, abusive, negative,

01:12:42 blah, blah, blah, right?

01:12:45 If a publisher rejects my novels,

01:12:52 which are very positive, pro-free market, pro-reason, pro-virtue,

01:12:58 if the publisher rejects my novels and publishes stuff I hate,

01:13:02 I agree with them.

01:13:06 Do you follow?

01:13:07 I agree with them.

01:13:09 They were right to reject what I do.

01:13:16 I agree with them.

01:13:18 If you want to publish negative, horrible crap,

01:13:23 then you shouldn't publish my novels.

01:13:26 I agree.

01:13:33 Compared to what?

01:13:34 You're rejecting me compared to what?

01:13:38 You're rejecting me compared to what?

01:13:44 There are doubtless people out there somewhere in the world

01:13:47 not listening to this show.

01:13:50 Follow?

01:13:51 There are people out there in the world,

01:13:53 we can theorize, right?

01:13:54 We can theoretically imagine that in some super-string alternate universe

01:13:57 there are people out there

01:14:01 who are not listening to this show.

01:14:06 Yeah, trust me, this is not about me.

01:14:08 I'm very happy to get my books out

01:14:10 and I'm thrilled that I was not involved in the publishing world

01:14:12 because I think it's rancid.

01:14:14 I know it is blasphemy.

01:14:15 Dylan, I'm with you 100%, but we have to be kind to the heretics,

01:14:19 to the blasphemers who listen to other shows, right?

01:14:30 My works always generated a peculiar kind of hatred,

01:14:35 venomous.

01:14:38 Well, I mean, because my works are like holy water to a vampire

01:14:41 for most people in the publishing industry, in my humble opinion, right?

01:14:44 But yeah, people, they loved it or they hated it.

01:14:47 Hey, being loved or hated, boy, that was just a one-time thing in my life,

01:14:51 never happened again.

01:14:54 So when it comes to you and your life,

01:14:57 you will get rejected.

01:14:59 Follow it up.

01:15:00 Compare it to what?

01:15:01 Be curious about what the other people are looking for.

01:15:05 Like if I, I don't know, I apply to be a doctor

01:15:08 and they don't hire me, but they hire a competent doctor,

01:15:10 I really kind of agree with them, right?

01:15:12 I'm not a doctor.

01:15:15 When I was at one of my universities,

01:15:18 one of the universities I went to,

01:15:20 I don't mean to toot my own horn,

01:15:22 but I was recognized as a real star in the university.

01:15:26 There was me and one other guy who were like at the top.

01:15:29 Like I wrote essays and I had a professor read my essay out to the class.

01:15:35 He said it was one of the most perfect essays he's ever seen

01:15:38 in his entire 30 or 40-year career or whatever it was.

01:15:41 Again, I'm not trying to toot my own horn,

01:15:42 I'm just sort of trying to point something out here, right?

01:15:44 So I was considered to be a real star.

01:15:47 There was me and one other guy.

01:15:48 The other guy was a relativist, a socialist, and blech, blech, right?

01:15:53 Now, when it came to supporting someone for a graduate degree and so on,

01:16:01 the professors went to this other guy, right?

01:16:04 And he was smart, but in my view, utterly corrupt.

01:16:07 Not even in my view, he's a relativist, a socialist, and so on, right?

01:16:11 So they rejected me for graduate school,

01:16:16 I had to really work hard to get into grad school.

01:16:18 They rejected me and threw all their weight behind this other guy.

01:16:22 So did they reject me? No, they didn't reject me.

01:16:25 They wanted the other guy.

01:16:30 Who do they want if they don't want you?

01:16:33 Now, if they want someone better, use that as a sign to improve.

01:16:36 Be curious. You get rejected, just, "Ah!"

01:16:40 Throw your ball, take your ball and go home, right?

01:16:48 They're rejecting you compared to what?

01:16:51 What do they want?

01:16:55 Well, yeah, society is no longer a meritocracy, for sure.

01:17:02 It's a meritocracy of ideological conformity,

01:17:07 diversity checklists, and rampant bootlicking.

01:17:11 So who do they want?

01:17:16 If you're attracted to a girl, you ask her out, she ends up dating some loser,

01:17:25 she has rejected you for a loser.

01:17:30 Which means she has rejected you because you are not like who she went with.

01:17:35 Do you hear what I'm saying?

01:17:37 I like how you say, "This is actually great advice."

01:17:39 Like it doesn't happen every time I open my mouth.

01:17:41 Well, maybe not every time, but you know what I mean, right?

01:17:47 Who do they want if they don't want you?

01:17:50 Who do they want?

01:17:57 I think some people confuse radical curiosity with subjectivism.

01:18:02 There's a bit of a word cell that doesn't lead anywhere.

01:18:04 Maybe... Be curious.

01:18:11 Let's go back to this guy's wife.

01:18:16 Don't initiate sex with me, I'm disgusting. I look gross.

01:18:20 Okay, what if that's true?

01:18:23 What if that's true?

01:18:25 What if this is how you're going to look?

01:18:35 What if this is how you're going to look?

01:18:40 Do you see me dying my hair? I don't use any makeup, right?

01:18:42 Most people under lights, they use makeup.

01:18:44 I know it doesn't make me look that great, but I'm not here to be a model.

01:18:49 No matter how I look, I'm too sexy for my shirt.

01:18:54 So...

01:18:59 I'm hideous.

01:19:01 Okay, so what if that's true? What if you're hideous?

01:19:03 So what?

01:19:08 Let's play that out.

01:19:14 What's it been, like three years since I was de-platformed, right?

01:19:17 Oh God, what if I end up, I don't know,

01:19:21 and the show goes away, and there's no money, and no audience,

01:19:24 and it's all done and toast, and blah blah blah.

01:19:26 Okay, so what? What if that happens?

01:19:29 Be curious, what if that happens?

01:19:33 What if that happens?

01:19:40 You turn around and you ask questions.

01:19:42 "Ah," says the devil, "Oh."

01:19:44 You seem to have something stuck in your throat.

01:19:46 Perhaps you'd like to stop growling,

01:19:49 like a hungry man at a Mexican restaurant,

01:19:51 and tell me what you want.

01:19:53 What do you want? What do you want to tell me?

01:19:55 "You're... it's going to be a disaster, it's going to be bad,

01:19:57 you're going to lose your whole audience, you're never going to make another penny,

01:19:59 it's all over..." Okay, so what if that's true?

01:20:03 So what if that's true?

01:20:05 "You'll never get it published, you're a terrible novelist."

01:20:07 Okay, what if that's true?

01:20:09 Tell me more, what if that's true?

01:20:11 "Well, it just means that you're a failure in life."

01:20:13 Okay, let's say I'm a failure in life.

01:20:15 What if that's true?

01:20:17 Tell me more, like, keep it coming.

01:20:21 You know, you don't...

01:20:23 you don't show fear...

01:20:27 if you're curious.

01:20:30 You follow?

01:20:32 If you fight, you're showing fear.

01:20:34 It's fight or flight.

01:20:36 If you run, you show fear.

01:20:37 If you fight, you show fear.

01:20:38 If you pretend to ignore, you show fear.

01:20:41 Curiosity is the opposite of fear.

01:20:46 All this stuff says is basic knowledge.

01:20:50 No, it's not.

01:20:53 No, this is super advanced, honestly.

01:20:57 It's not basic knowledge.

01:20:59 I mean, I don't think it's basic knowledge.

01:21:01 Does any of this come as an interesting or surprising perspective for you?

01:21:04 Does this help?

01:21:05 Is this new?

01:21:12 Tell me, maybe this is basic and obvious to you guys.

01:21:16 I want to double check.

01:21:24 But we're not done.

01:21:29 Do you know why we have the modern world?

01:21:35 We have the modern world because of one thing and one thing only,

01:21:39 and it came from turning and facing a devil.

01:21:41 We have the modern world because people turned and faced the devil of superstition

01:21:47 and said, "I approach nature with curiosity."

01:21:53 Why do we have the modern world?

01:21:55 Because of curiosity and nothing else.

01:21:57 What was the scientific method?

01:22:00 Curiosity, that's all the scientific method is, is organized curiosity.

01:22:04 I wonder if, I don't know if, maybe it's this, maybe it's that, I'm curious.

01:22:08 Curiosity requires two things.

01:22:11 Number one, the possibility of gaining knowledge.

01:22:15 Number two, a methodology to know.

01:22:23 You follow?

01:22:26 I'm not curious about the number of oxygen atoms in this room

01:22:30 because I will never know.

01:22:31 I will never know that number.

01:22:32 I could do some rough calculations, back up a napkin shit, but I'll never know.

01:22:35 I'll never know exactly how many oxygen molecules are in this room.

01:22:41 I have no curiosity about it.

01:22:48 I have no curiosity about the number of water droplets in the atmosphere.

01:22:52 I have no curiosity about the absolutely perfect weight of the earth

01:23:01 because there's no way of knowing these things.

01:23:03 Can't know. Can't know.

01:23:07 So I don't have curiosity where I can't know.

01:23:13 So curiosity is when you believe you can get an answer

01:23:17 and you have a methodology for doing so.

01:23:22 Right, the superstitious and the Luddites, you're absolutely right.

01:23:25 The superstitious and the Luddites like to say curiosity killed the cat,

01:23:28 and you know the response is unsatisfaction brought him back.

01:23:34 Superstition says you cannot know the natural universe.

01:23:37 You cannot know the natural universe.

01:23:40 It is a mystery. It is in God's mind. It is beyond your ken.

01:23:46 And science turns around at that stampeding devil and says,

01:23:52 "So what if that's true? What if we can't know the natural universe?"

01:23:55 "Uh, well, that's bad."

01:23:59 "Why is that bad?"

01:24:01 We have science because of curiosity.

01:24:16 Because we were afraid of the universe, right?

01:24:19 We were afraid of the randomness of weather.

01:24:23 We were afraid of disease, of predators.

01:24:28 We were afraid of the universe, and we ran from the universe.

01:24:34 And then we would turn and fight the universe by making human sacrifices.

01:24:39 You can see this great scene in King Lear where the king rages at the universe.

01:24:45 Rages at the storm.

01:24:50 I mean, you've seen the funny meme of a guy shooting at a storm cloud, right?

01:24:55 So we were frightened of the universe. We fought the universe.

01:25:04 And then we turned, faced our fears, and had curiosity about the universe.

01:25:13 Instead of fighting, instead of running, we questioned.

01:25:18 Does this make sense? Is this useful?

01:25:22 The witches were killed because they cleaned with the broom and kept vermin away with cats.

01:25:35 That's interesting.

01:25:37 Why does universally preferable behavior, as a book, as a concept, as an argument,

01:25:45 as a rational proof of secular ethics, why does it exist?

01:25:49 Because I was curious about what virtue was.

01:25:53 I was curious about what is virtue.

01:25:56 I didn't have the answer. I knew there would be an answer.

01:25:58 I knew I could get to an answer. I didn't know what the answer was.

01:26:00 I'd given up on false answers.

01:26:02 Christianity and capitalism and objectivism did not give me the answers that were complete,

01:26:10 ironclad, perfect, universal, for the problem of ethics.

01:26:15 So I had curiosity.

01:26:18 When you hear me do call-in shows, what's the general methodology?

01:26:24 What's the first thing that I do in call-in shows?

01:26:29 Do I tell people what to do? Do I give them advice? Do I give them answers?

01:26:33 What do I do? Ask, ask, ask. That's right.

01:26:37 I was on this phone with this mother, the woman whose son wanted her to call in.

01:26:42 I was on the phone with her for over two hours before I began giving her any real advice.

01:26:47 Curiosity, curiosity, curiosity.

01:26:52 You will never be stronger than when you're asking questions.

01:27:03 You will never be stronger than when you're asking questions.

01:27:07 You got the inner critic. You can't shut him up. You can't out-scream him.

01:27:11 You can't punish him. You can't run away from him.

01:27:14 You can ask him questions, can't you?

01:27:17 Can't you be curious?

01:27:21 You're terrible. What if that's true? Tell me more.

01:27:25 You'll never find me attractive. What if that's true? Tell me more.

01:27:29 You're only with me for my looks.

01:27:32 What if that's true? Tell me more.

01:27:35 Curiosity is the opposite of fear, and it's the opposite of rage.

01:27:46 You know, I mean, it was not the most relaxing time.

01:27:58 Hit me with a "why" if you saw my third appearance on Joe Rogan many years ago.

01:28:02 I know I did.

01:28:05 So Joe Rogan had been super nice, and we'd done two shows together before.

01:28:08 He was very keen on my career and very, very personally complimentary.

01:28:11 And then he invited me down for a third show, and he totally ambushed me.

01:28:14 He had all of these things queued up where I was going to sound or look bad or whatever,

01:28:18 and he just really wanted to grill me, and I don't know,

01:28:21 he'd gotten some kind of communique to take me out or something like that, right?

01:28:25 Yeah, yeah, he was...

01:28:28 He was, I mean, fundamentally dishonest, of course, because, look,

01:28:34 if somebody wants to, you know, he didn't pay my way down.

01:28:38 Like, if somebody says, "I'd really want you to spend 2,000 bucks coming down,

01:28:42 "staying and whatever," I can't remember how much it was, right?

01:28:45 "And I'm going to, like, grill you," that's fine. I can choose to do that or not, right?

01:28:54 And, you know, look, when people say, "I've got a clip of you saying something terrible,"

01:29:00 okay, maybe I had a bad day, maybe I said something imprecise or whatever it is, right?

01:29:04 And I remember in the show saying, he was like, "I got this thing for you.

01:29:08 "I got it skewed up for you."

01:29:10 It was really nasty and venomous and petty and all of that, right?

01:29:14 And, of course, Joe Rogan, a big moral hero, right?

01:29:16 He had Steven Tyler on his show, the singer for Aerosmith.

01:29:19 Now, Steven Tyler actually adopted an underage girl so they could cross state lines

01:29:23 and continue to have sex with her, like absolutely predatory.

01:29:27 Child abuser.

01:29:30 I've never done anything like that, but, of course, I get raked over the coals

01:29:33 with Joe Rogan's big moral heroics, and, you know, he actually has

01:29:37 massive child abuser on his show, and he's like, "Oh, you're so wonderful."

01:29:42 It's just--it's repulsive, but anyway.

01:29:45 So I don't get why Rogan did that.

01:29:50 So nice one--oh, he was nice for two episodes and very positive,

01:29:53 and he didn't invite me down saying, you know, "I got some questions.

01:29:56 "I got some criticism."

01:29:57 He's like, "Yeah, come on down. Let's have a nice show," right?

01:30:00 But I remember in that show, I was curious, right?

01:30:11 I mean, first of all, I was honest, right?

01:30:13 Like he said--I remember he had something cued up, and, you know, you're like--

01:30:17 you know, when you've done thousands of shows, you don't know everything you've said

01:30:20 in every show.

01:30:21 I was like, "Did I say--" I remember saying, "Gee, I hope I didn't say something crazy.

01:30:24 "I hope I didn't say something nuts," right?

01:30:26 But, you know, he got well paid.

01:30:30 He got well paid for taking out some truth tellers, right?

01:30:33 He got his pay.

01:30:34 He got his $100 million or whatever, right?

01:30:36 He got well paid for signing up with a company heavily associated

01:30:39 with communist China, right?

01:30:41 Yeah, he, you know, he did his deal, and he got his pay, and I get all of that.

01:30:45 Not a deal I wouldn't do.

01:30:47 You could offer me a billion dollars, wouldn't matter.

01:30:50 But I was curious.

01:30:58 I didn't get hostile.

01:31:00 I didn't call him names.

01:31:01 I didn't storm out.

01:31:03 I asked him, you know, how he made these decisions and how he keeps himself

01:31:07 motivated and all of that, right?

01:31:09 So, yeah.

01:31:12 And, I mean, it was one of my first big ambushes, and it was obviously live,

01:31:21 and it was early on, relatively--it was like, I don't know,

01:31:24 eight or nine years ago.

01:31:25 It was relatively early on in my career, and there were pretty high stakes

01:31:28 and all that kind of stuff.

01:31:30 And it was not the most relaxing thing.

01:31:37 I did actually--I did actually think of leaving because it's like, you know,

01:31:42 don't invite me down as a friend and then attack me as an enemy.

01:31:44 That's kind of gross, right?

01:31:46 But, you know, you have these images--I don't know, this is just--you have

01:31:49 these images of, like, you know, awkwardly packing stuff up, and, you know,

01:31:53 while people are making fun of you, and, you know, red cheek.

01:31:55 Like, it just looks terrible, right?

01:31:56 So, you have to, you know, you just got to roll with it, right?

01:32:01 So, curiosity, right?

01:32:06 I mean, I think the strongest I could come across with that was to not

01:32:09 counterattack, to stay robust, to stay solid, and to, you know, be curious.

01:32:20 And, you know, it's obviously that interaction--honestly, I don't--I never

01:32:26 think about it.

01:32:27 I mean, I barely think about the guy.

01:32:28 He shows up, of course, on my feed from time to time, and I don't mind.

01:32:31 I'll listen to a little bit or whatever, right?

01:32:35 But, yeah, it was a little bit surprising.

01:32:42 But, I mean, isn't he kind of a drug addict?

01:32:44 Have I understood that?

01:32:48 Yeah, it's just--you know, the guy who--well, he accused me of breaking up

01:32:54 families, and then he married a single mother, so he married someone who broke

01:32:59 up a family.

01:33:00 It just seems kind of odd.

01:33:01 Well, you know, whatever, right?

01:33:02 What do I care, right?

01:33:03 I mean, I have a great life and great people to chat with every day,

01:33:08 and so I don't have any particular issues with any of that stuff in the past.

01:33:16 So, yeah, just curiosity--you'll never be stronger than when you're curious.

01:33:21 You'll never be stronger than when you're curious.

01:33:23 So, with your own inner critic, tell me more.

01:33:26 What if it's true?

01:33:27 So, tell me more.

01:33:28 What if it's true?

01:33:29 He will run out of attack, and he will then tell you what you need to know.

01:33:31 If you're inner critic, just keep being curious, keep being curious.

01:33:34 With your wife, too, right?

01:33:36 With your wife.

01:33:43 With your wife here, she feels terrible, she feels ugly, she feels gross,

01:33:47 she won't--don't try and have sex with me, blah, blah, blah.

01:33:53 All right, so, what if that's true?

01:34:04 Tell me more.

01:34:08 Well, you're just going to find me disgusting.

01:34:10 Okay, I'm not saying you do, but what if it's true?

01:34:12 What if I find you disgusting?

01:34:13 Then what?

01:34:14 Well, that's gross, I'm going to feel terrible.

01:34:15 Okay, it's gross, you feel terrible, then what?

01:34:23 Just be curious.

01:34:25 You'll get to some core fear, you'll get to--I mean, with your wife,

01:34:31 it's like, "I'm only worth my looks," right?

01:34:33 It'll come down to that.

01:34:34 "I'm only worth my looks."

01:34:36 That if I lose my looks, I lose everything that's appealing about me.

01:34:46 You'll leave me, you'll cheat on me, right?

01:34:49 Yeah, okay.

01:34:50 So, why--okay, let's say I leave you, right?

01:34:52 Why would I leave you?

01:34:53 Because I'm not attractive.

01:34:54 Okay, so let's say that the only value you have to offer me is your looks.

01:34:57 So then what?

01:34:58 Well, that's terrible.

01:35:00 Okay, well, but if you know, like, if you genuinely believe that all you have to offer me is looks,

01:35:05 I mean, obviously that's an insult to us both, but whatever, right?

01:35:13 If the only reason I'm here is because of your looks, then you've identified a problem.

01:35:20 If you don't want me to leave, if you believe I'm only here for your looks,

01:35:26 and your looks are gone, and I'm going to leave, what's the solution, right?

01:35:34 What's the solution?

01:35:36 The woman thinks you're only there for her looks, her looks have gone,

01:35:42 she doesn't want you to leave, what's the solution?

01:35:51 How does she fix it?

01:35:54 Yeah, yeah, that's right, exactly right, brilliant.

01:35:56 Get you to love her for something else, right?

01:36:00 So you don't want me to be here just for your looks, right?

01:36:02 No, I want you to be here for me, okay, so what are you going to offer me other than your looks?

01:36:07 Well, I just want you to love me for who I am.

01:36:10 It's like, you don't want me to love you for anything you do?

01:36:14 What does that mean?

01:36:15 If you kick dogs, if you, like, what is that, if you cheat at tennis, like, what does that mean?

01:36:22 You want me to love you with no standards?

01:36:24 You don't love me with no standards, you don't love your kids with no standards,

01:36:27 like, that doesn't make any sense.

01:36:37 I want you to love me even if I never get out of bed, even if I never talk to you,

01:36:40 even if I never make any money, even if I never interact with the children, even,

01:36:43 I just want, like, what are you talking about?

01:36:47 That's theft.

01:36:50 That's theft.

01:36:51 We're all adults here, right?

01:36:53 I want you to donate to me if I provide you value.

01:36:58 I mean, I generally, I mean, I do talk about my need for donations,

01:37:01 but I really do try to talk about that I feel confident asking for donations

01:37:06 because I provide massive value that you can't get anywhere else.

01:37:10 I know that.

01:37:19 So do you know why your wife is whining about her looks?

01:37:26 Why is your wife whining about her looks?

01:37:30 Why is your wife whining about her looks and feeling ugly, hideous,

01:37:37 don't look at me, I'm monstrous?

01:37:39 Why is your wife whining about her looks?

01:37:44 Because she doesn't want to be good.

01:37:49 Because it's hard for her to be good.

01:37:53 I mean, isn't it hard for all of us to be good?

01:37:55 I get that, it's hard for her to be good.

01:37:58 Yeah, her sexual market value is plummeting, sure, third child.

01:38:09 She complains out of laziness and fear.

01:38:22 Complaining is a form of laziness.

01:38:27 Sorry, I just stumbled over a one dollar tip.

01:38:30 Please, honestly, if you only have a dollar, please don't send me a tip.

01:38:32 I'd really appreciate that.

01:38:34 Don't give me the paperwork, don't have me track it.

01:38:36 And after everyone takes their cut, it's spare change.

01:38:39 So, if you only have a dollar, please hold on to it yourself.

01:38:42 You're going to need to ride the bus or something, right?

01:38:45 So, please hang on to your dollar.

01:38:47 I mean that genuinely, I'm not being snarky.

01:38:49 Please hang on to your dollar, because if you only have a dollar,

01:38:52 I'd feel terrible with you donating it, because you need to eat.

01:38:57 So, it's a form of laziness.

01:39:06 It's a form of laziness.

01:39:12 The man, like imagine going, as a man, right, imagine.

01:39:16 Imagine going to work, right, you work at some construction site, right?

01:39:20 And you say, "I just, I feel weak. I feel like I don't have any strength today.

01:39:25 I feel like I'm just not going to be able to get anything done.

01:39:27 Don't ask me to do anything. Don't ask me to do any work.

01:39:30 I'll initiate it if I feel like it.

01:39:32 I don't know, maybe I need to get some exoskeleton that helps me lift things,

01:39:36 because I just don't feel like I can lift anything today,

01:39:38 and don't ask me for anything." Right?

01:39:41 How would that go for you, as a man, at a construction site, just out of curiosity?

01:39:46 "I feel like you only want me here to pay me, because I lift things,

01:39:49 and do things, and make walls, and install pipes.

01:39:53 Like, I just don't feel like you want me here for me.

01:39:55 You only want me here so I can do things for you."

01:39:59 Why would somebody say that at work?

01:40:03 Why? Thank you, K-Meeks, appreciate that. Thank you very much.

01:40:13 Why would a construction worker say that?

01:40:20 We know, right? We know.

01:40:23 Why would a construction worker say that?

01:40:25 Because he doesn't want to do any work.

01:40:28 It's a negotiation technique? No, it's not.

01:40:33 Don't, I'm just not, I'm not feeling strong today.

01:40:38 Don't tell me what I have to do today.

01:40:39 If I want to do something, I'll initiate it, to get fired.

01:40:44 And if...

01:40:49 I mean, if your wife has your third child,

01:40:52 she's being paid to be your wife, isn't she?

01:40:55 I mean, to get sympathy, to get fired, yeah.

01:40:58 I mean, to trick the boss into not giving her any work, right?

01:41:01 Or to trick the boss into not giving her any work.

01:41:04 To get paid without effort.

01:41:07 Right, so, if your wife, she's had her third kid,

01:41:11 I'm going to assume that you're paying the bills,

01:41:13 and she's staying home with the kids, fantastic, wonderful.

01:41:16 So...

01:41:18 You're paying her to be your wife.

01:41:22 Just as your construction manager is paying you to build something.

01:41:26 Now, there are days, you know, you've got a really bad headache,

01:41:30 you call in sick, you, whatever.

01:41:31 And there'll be days where it happens, right?

01:41:33 But...

01:41:38 Hit me with a "why", if you're a man, and you've ever

01:41:43 been able to whine your way out of work,

01:41:45 to complain your way out of work.

01:41:47 As an adult, I don't mean as a kid, right?

01:41:49 But as a man, as a man,

01:41:51 do you get to complain your way out of

01:41:53 responsibilities and work?

01:41:56 I mean, when I was a waiter, did I get to show up to the restaurant and say,

01:42:02 "I just...

01:42:03 "I don't really want to...

01:42:06 "I don't really want to serve any food tonight.

01:42:08 "I just, I feel like I'm just...

01:42:10 "I'm not in the mood to get good tips.

01:42:12 "Like, I just...

01:42:13 "It's not working for me.

01:42:14 "I don't feel like

01:42:16 "the customer's going to like me tonight.

01:42:18 "I'm feeling kind of down on myself.

01:42:20 "I think I smell.

01:42:21 "I just...

01:42:22 "Don't ask me.

01:42:25 "If I feel like serving customers, I will go and serve some customers.

01:42:29 "You can't ask me to do anything, because I'm just not feeling good about it."

01:42:32 Does that work?

01:42:35 Does that work as a man?

01:42:41 Or if I start up the show, like at 7 o'clock, right?

01:42:45 If I start up the show?

01:42:47 "Listen, I'm just not feeling any philosophy tonight.

01:42:51 "It's just not happening for me.

01:42:52 "It's not coming for me.

01:42:53 "I'm feeling really down about my abilities as a philosopher,

01:42:56 "and I'm really feeling negative about what I'm doing as a podcaster

01:42:59 "and a live streamer.

01:43:00 "I'm just feeling so bad about it.

01:43:02 "I feel really terrible about it.

01:43:04 "And you guys have just got to give me money.

01:43:06 "I just want...

01:43:07 "Just give me money.

01:43:08 "Don't expect any philosophy.

01:43:09 "Just give me some money.

01:43:10 "Just do it.

01:43:11 "Please, I'm begging you."

01:43:12 Right?

01:43:13 If I did all of that sort of nonsense, right?

01:43:15 What would you feel?

01:43:16 That's your gif.

01:43:18 What would you feel?

01:43:19 What would you feel?

01:43:22 "If no philosophy, we want nudes or bath water."

01:43:31 Mmm.

01:43:32 Tasty.

01:43:33 Shave in the bath and get sandy.

01:43:37 I mean, would you respect that?

01:43:44 Would you be like, "Oh yeah, man, here's all your money."

01:43:46 Would that be a big donation?

01:43:51 Not providing any value,

01:43:53 just complaining about how bad I feel about something.

01:43:55 Or, you know, if your wife needs you to go to work to,

01:44:04 pay for her and the three kids, right?

01:44:08 If...

01:44:11 Yeah, who clones Steph badly?

01:44:13 So yeah, your wife needs you to go to work to pay for her

01:44:15 and the three kids and you're like,

01:44:16 "Oh man, no, I don't feel productive today.

01:44:19 "I don't feel like...

01:44:20 "Maybe this whole week, like, I don't know.

01:44:22 "I just really don't feel like it.

01:44:23 "I really feel like, I don't know,

01:44:25 "curling up in a little fort,

01:44:27 "like I can turn over the couches.

01:44:29 "I can make a nice fort,

01:44:31 "maybe in the basement or something like that.

01:44:33 "I think I'm just gonna play Candy Crush or something

01:44:36 "for this week 'cause I'm just...

01:44:38 "You know, I just really don't feel like I'm gonna...

01:44:40 "I don't feel like productivity is gonna happen for me this week

01:44:43 "and all of that and I don't know, man.

01:44:46 "Like, don't ask me to go to work.

01:44:47 "I'll figure out when I wanna go to work.

01:44:48 "Thank you very much," right?

01:44:50 What would your wife say?

01:44:52 "No, you gotta go to work.

01:44:53 "We need the money."

01:44:54 Right?

01:45:01 Thank you, O'Brien.

01:45:02 Loved you in 1984.

01:45:03 Didn't at all, right?

01:45:04 Complaining works for female Twitch streamers.

01:45:06 Yeah, yeah, no, I get it.

01:45:07 It works for women.

01:45:08 I get that.

01:45:09 I get that.

01:45:10 I get that.

01:45:11 Honestly, I would feel you are temporarily down

01:45:14 and give you money.

01:45:15 Okay, and what if it happened week after week?

01:45:17 No point, right?

01:45:18 Thank you, Steph.

01:45:19 Just resubscribe for next year through 2024.

01:45:21 Thank you very much, my friend.

01:45:23 I really super duper appreciate that.

01:45:25 It's incredibly kind.

01:45:26 Thank you.

01:45:27 Now, listen, we can be sympathetic, right?

01:45:29 Some people have bad days.

01:45:30 They don't feel like doing their work.

01:45:31 I get all of that, right?

01:45:32 But don't,

01:45:35 don't treat your wife as less mature

01:45:39 and responsible than you are.

01:45:41 You follow?

01:45:43 Don't treat anyone in your life

01:45:46 as less responsible and mature than you are

01:45:50 because they're not.

01:45:52 They're not.

01:45:53 They're not.

01:45:54 They're not.

01:45:55 They're not.

01:45:56 Because that's setting up a parent-child relationship.

01:45:59 Don't treat adults in your life

01:46:03 as if they are children.

01:46:05 Okay, maybe once in a while,

01:46:09 a little bit of indulgence,

01:46:10 like once or twice a year or whatever, right?

01:46:12 But don't.

01:46:13 Right?

01:46:17 I need plastic surgery and don't have sex with me

01:46:21 and blah, blah, blah.

01:46:22 Mothers do not have a day off.

01:46:25 Do fathers, do providers have days off

01:46:28 where they never have to do anything?

01:46:31 I've been a stay-at-home dad for 15 years almost, right?

01:46:34 Yeah, I mean,

01:46:44 having a child is a significant responsibility

01:46:47 and a huge time sink, so what?

01:46:49 Everybody knows that.

01:46:52 It's not a shock, it's not a surprise.

01:46:54 It's the way it works.

01:46:56 Well, I shouldn't have to do things

01:47:02 when I don't feel like it.

01:47:04 Really.

01:47:05 Really.

01:47:11 So,

01:47:13 men don't have to go to work when they don't feel like it?

01:47:16 Men don't have to do time with their in-laws

01:47:19 when they don't feel like it?

01:47:22 Men don't have to play with the kids when they have a headache?

01:47:25 Men never have to do anything they don't want to do?

01:47:28 Come on.

01:47:31 Yeah, the draft.

01:47:32 That seems fairly important, right?

01:47:35 Men don't end up dying earlier?

01:47:38 Men aren't 95% of workplace deaths?

01:47:40 Yeah, don't...

01:47:45 I mean,

01:47:47 if you've got a wife who's like complaining

01:47:49 about feeling unattractive and wants plastic surgery

01:47:51 and "don't have sex with me" and "don't initiate sex"

01:47:53 and it's like, "okay, alright, so that's, yeah, it's fine."

01:47:56 So, what's the rule here, right?

01:47:59 You don't feel like doing your current job 90% of the time?

01:48:05 Yeah.

01:48:06 I, honestly, I burned out quite a bit in writing this afternoon

01:48:09 because this book is like

01:48:11 passing a bladed cactus watermelon out of my ass.

01:48:14 So, I wasn't super keen on the live stream tonight,

01:48:18 sat down and started doing it.

01:48:20 It's been a great convo, I hope it's been good for you too.

01:48:22 I think it's been good.

01:48:24 Oh, it's been 10 out of 10.

01:48:35 Thanks, Dylan, I appreciate that.

01:48:36 That's very kind.

01:48:37 I always work to give my all.

01:48:41 Thank you for being here.

01:48:44 It is my pleasure.

01:48:46 My pleasure, my genuine pleasure.

01:48:48 And I really appreciate you guys commenting and

01:48:51 I think we've turned these live streams into a deep philosophical art form.

01:48:56 Thanks for addressing my dream question earlier.

01:49:04 Did I, did I, I'm so sorry, you know, John, that's a great question, a great comment.

01:49:12 Did I address your dream question earlier?

01:49:14 I don't think I did finish that.

01:49:16 I think I gave you some generic stuff.

01:49:18 But did I? Did I?

01:49:20 Are you satisfied?

01:49:22 Was it good for you?

01:49:23 No, did I answer your question?

01:49:25 That's really important for me.

01:49:26 Did you get the pfft?

01:49:28 Ah, did I?

01:49:30 I think you touched on it, but could use more detail.

01:49:34 Okay, thanks, John, I apologize for that.

01:49:36 That totally skipped my brain.

01:49:37 But I'm feeling down.

01:49:39 I'm sorry, I can't even do that.

01:49:42 That whiny voice is just, it's great, you know, my ODS, even when I make fun of it.

01:49:45 But I'm just not feeling big foreheaded tonight.

01:49:49 So, okay, so you're stuck in high school, right?

01:49:53 You're stuck in high school.

01:49:55 Now, either that means that you are stuck in high school

01:50:03 or there are people around you who haven't grown up, right?

01:50:07 High school is what, 15 to 17, whatever it is, right?

01:50:11 So the people mid to late teens, either you're stuck there emotionally

01:50:14 or other people around you are stuck there emotionally

01:50:16 and you're hanging back with them out of misplaced loyalty.

01:50:19 A woman says, "I'm only saying this because I can relate.

01:50:28 During and immediately after pregnancy, your appearance changes drastically and rapidly.

01:50:31 It's a bit of a shock.

01:50:32 Eventually you get used to it and work out, eat well, etc.

01:50:36 but you can look like yourself again.

01:50:37 I'm just saying it's a hard pill to swallow suddenly."

01:50:39 Yes, yes it is.

01:50:42 It's accelerated aging.

01:50:43 I absolutely agree with you.

01:50:44 I absolutely agree with you.

01:50:46 So, if you're feeling down, does it help to insult your husband?

01:50:54 Do you, like if you're down, if you're, right, is it,

01:51:02 it doesn't help to insult your husband, right?

01:51:06 So if you say to your husband, "I feel unattractive,

01:51:09 therefore you can't want to have sex with me,"

01:51:12 you're saying that there's no emotional connection,

01:51:14 there's no love for you as a mother, there's no pair bond,

01:51:17 he's using you like an attractive piece of meat to beat himself off with, right?

01:51:22 Fleshlight is broken, right?

01:51:27 So if you say to your husband, "I'm hideous, I can't have sex with you because I'm hideous,"

01:51:34 you're saying to your husband that he's only there for your physical appeal.

01:51:41 There's no spiritual connection, there's no love,

01:51:45 there's no virtue merging with virtue,

01:51:48 there's no pair bonding on anything other than mere ape meat flesh.

01:51:52 And it's also saying that, yeah, you're right about this, O'Brien,

01:52:02 you're absolutely right, she says, "Also self-centered,

01:52:04 saying no way he can find you attractive, saying he can't see you differently than you."

01:52:07 Yeah, for sure, for sure.

01:52:10 A good husband who cares about the spiritual connection,

01:52:14 because also you're saying, "We're all going to lose our looks," right?

01:52:17 You get that, it's why I was talking about this going past the wall at 56, right?

01:52:20 "We're all going to lose our looks, we're all going to lose our looks."

01:52:22 There's nobody in their 80s who looks any good,

01:52:24 nobody in their 80s looks any good.

01:52:26 So you're just saying to the man,

01:52:29 well, first of all you're saying to him, "Well, you better not lose your looks, man,

01:52:33 because then I'm going to divorce you.

01:52:35 Oh, also when I start to lose my looks in my 40s and 50s and 60s,

01:52:38 you're going to divorce me?"

01:52:39 Like, the only value I bring to the table is my looks, is my flesh.

01:52:43 Nothing to do with my soul, my character, my virtue, my conversation, my jokes,

01:52:46 my good humor, my strength, my courage, nothing.

01:52:49 Just looks.

01:52:51 I'm just meat, I'm flesh, I'm a baby factory, I'm a broodmare, that's it.

01:52:56 And if I can't be sexy, I'm nothing.

01:52:59 I mean, yeah, I'll reject you before you.

01:53:02 It's hugely insulting to your husband.

01:53:05 Listen, if you're a woman out there, understand this.

01:53:11 Understand this.

01:53:17 If your husband pays the bills, or most of the bills,

01:53:22 or the majority of the bills,

01:53:25 if your husband pays the bills, and he says to you,

01:53:28 "You're only here for my money, you only care about my money,

01:53:31 you don't care about me, just my money,"

01:53:34 how would you feel?

01:53:36 If your husband accused you of only being there for the money,

01:53:39 and you need so much money, I'm going to have to take out a loan

01:53:41 because you only care about me when I'm paying for things and buying you things,

01:53:44 and you're only here for the money,

01:53:47 how would you feel?

01:53:49 If your husband legit accused you

01:53:53 of being a gold digger, only there for the money?

01:53:56 Come on, ladies.

01:54:02 So when you accuse your husband of only being there for your beauty,

01:54:05 it's exactly the same thing.

01:54:08 Oh, the person who sent me a... thanks, Jared.

01:54:18 The person who sent me a dollar tip had sent me other tips,

01:54:21 and I appreciate that, but yeah, if you could hold off on the one dollar tips,

01:54:23 I'd appreciate that.

01:54:25 Catalog of Steph's episodes, www.fdrpodcasts.com.

01:54:32 It's a good search feature, sort feature, you name it, fdrpodcasts.com.

01:54:37 There's even a little video there that shows you how to use it.

01:54:40 John says, "Yeah, I think that may be the case

01:54:49 as far as some of the people in my orbit.

01:54:51 I do need to take some time to consider my emotional growth or stagnation.

01:54:54 It seems like a bit of both, but then again,

01:54:56 I may just be insecure about the progress I've made.

01:54:59 When I ask compared to what, my growth seems monumental."

01:55:02 All right, how... okay, this is the last topic I'll mention.

01:55:08 If you are around stagnant people,

01:55:11 how do you know if you're growing?

01:55:14 If you're around people who are stagnating,

01:55:16 how do you know if you're growing?

01:55:19 It's one simple, clear, true measure.

01:55:22 When you're around stagnant people, yes, they attack you.

01:55:25 Yeah, they resent you, they attack you, they undermine you,

01:55:28 they criticize you.

01:55:30 Thank you, that's very kind.

01:55:39 Yeah, if you're around stagnant people and you begin to grow,

01:55:42 they'll attack you, right?

01:55:45 If you're around a bunch of drunks and you stop drinking, what do they do?

01:55:48 If you're not being attacked,

01:55:55 if you grew up around stagnant people, you've got stagnant people around you,

01:55:58 if you're not being attacked, you're not making progress.

01:56:01 "Yeah, don't be a buzzkill, man, have a beer.

01:56:08 Don't be so uptight, relax, you don't have a problem,

01:56:11 we just enjoy chilling, man."

01:56:13 "Smoke a blunt, smoke a bowl, smoke a J, man.

01:56:16 Don't need to be so uptight."

01:56:19 If you're around a bunch of fat people and you start significantly losing weight,

01:56:25 are they happy?

01:56:28 Are they happy?

01:56:41 If you're around a bunch of lonely, bitter, single guys

01:56:44 and you get a great girlfriend,

01:56:47 are they happy for you?

01:56:50 "Pussy-whipped man, she's not so great."

01:56:59 "Does she have any friends?" "No, she sucks."

01:57:05 "Man, you just don't get it, man.

01:57:08 She sucks."

01:57:11 "Man, you're just not yourself around her, man.

01:57:14 You're just not chill like you used to be.

01:57:17 All you do is she said jump, you say ha-hi.

01:57:20 Pathetic, man, you're just pussy-whipped.

01:57:23 She's going to leave you anyway.

01:57:26 She's going to leave you."

01:57:36 If the stagnant people around you don't resent you,

01:57:39 you ain't growing.

01:57:42 "Steph, so how do we know if it's good advice to avoid red flag or jealousy?"

01:57:45 "I don't know what you mean by that, sorry."

01:57:51 "Can you rephrase?"

01:57:54 "Quick question. When I began to really gain traction as a podcaster,

01:58:03 how happy were my friends and family of origin?"

01:58:06 Yeah, they were indifferent, negative, uninterested, sabotage-y.

01:58:24 Yeah.

01:58:31 "Hitting my stride and hitting the full glory of my potential."

01:58:34 "I'd be straight up with you, man. I always sensed I had a great potential.

01:58:37 I didn't know it was this big. But aim high, man."

01:58:40 "Yeah, they encouraged you to marry a woman who wasn't good for me,

01:58:45 and then they were not particularly positive about the woman who turned out to be the love of my life."

01:58:48 Do the people around you want you to do better?

01:58:54 If they don't, you can't.

01:58:58 "How do we know if people in our life are sincere in their advice to not date a girl

01:59:01 because she has red flags versus sabotaging us for being with a healthy girl?"

01:59:04 Ah, okay. How do people have credibility in giving you advice?

01:59:12 I just demonstrated that in this show tonight.

01:59:15 Oh, sounds like a plant in the audience.

01:59:18 Right? So when I said, "Here's how to overcome your inner critic,"

01:59:21 what did I ask? Do you remember?

01:59:24 What did I ask?

01:59:27 I asked, "Do I seem to be somebody who's comfortable in his own skin?

01:59:30 Do I seem to be somebody who deals relatively well with self-criticism?

01:59:33 Do I have credibility?"

01:59:36 So if somebody wants to give you advice,

01:59:41 how do they have credibility?

01:59:44 I mean, for God's sakes, never in a million years take advice from everyone.

01:59:49 Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

01:59:52 That's giving way too much power to way too incompetent people around you.

01:59:57 Receipts. Yeah, that's right.

02:00:00 That's right.

02:00:03 So if somebody tells you,

02:00:06 "That girl has more red flags than a Chinese Communist parade,"

02:00:09 you're like, "Okay.

02:00:12 How's his dating life been?"

02:00:15 "Ah, best interest in mind. That's not measurable. Anyone can claim that."

02:00:18 "No, man. I'm doing this for you."

02:00:21 Data. Empiricism is your friend here as in every other sphere in the known universe.

02:00:26 Empiricism is your friend.

02:00:29 If somebody says, "Here's how to lose weight,"

02:00:32 what's the first thing you look at? The size of the fucking belt?

02:00:35 "Here's how to have abs."

02:00:38 Do you have abs? No. I don't care what you're saying.

02:00:41 Don't listen to people with no credibility.

02:00:48 If somebody wants to advise you, ask for proof.

02:00:53 Ask for proof.

02:00:56 Obviously. I'm sorry. This is obvious when I say it.

02:00:59 Obviously, right?

02:01:02 I did comment on that, Jared, just so you know.

02:01:15 And if you want to give people advice,

02:01:18 have proof yourself.

02:01:23 If somebody wants to tell you how to be successful,

02:01:30 don't they have to be successful? Right?

02:01:33 Now, of course, you don't know, right?

02:01:39 Who necessarily, if it's online or whatever, right?

02:01:42 Well, somebody who says, "Here's my advice,"

02:01:45 and you say, "Can you give me proof of your credibility?"

02:01:48 They'll say, "Absolutely. For sure." Right?

02:01:51 But if somebody says, "Here's how to do X, Y, and Z,"

02:01:54 and you say, "Oh, can you show me some evidence that you've done X, Y, and Z?"

02:01:57 And they get angry at you?

02:02:00 I've said this before. I used to have this all the time when I was on Twitter.

02:02:03 People said, "Man, you're just engaging with your audience all wrong.

02:02:06 You need to do things X, Y, and Z." Right?

02:02:09 You know, whatever it was, people on Twitter following me.

02:02:12 This is back when those numbers meant something.

02:02:15 And I'd look at their profile, and they had like 300 people following them.

02:02:18 So I'd be like, "No, I'm not going to take your advice.

02:02:21 Life's short, and show me the respect of giving me some proof."

02:02:24 Like, don't waste my time. It's insulting.

02:02:27 It's annoying, and it's insulting.

02:02:30 When people try to give you advice with no evidence that they know

02:02:33 what the hell they're talking about, they're wasting your time,

02:02:36 they're wasting everyone's time.

02:02:39 It's a vanity-based manipulation bullshit move.

02:02:42 It pisses me off.

02:02:45 When people try to give me advice

02:02:50 with no proof, no evidence,

02:02:53 and then when I ask for proof or evidence, they get angry at me.

02:02:56 "Oh, it looks like you just can't take advice."

02:02:59 "Hey, man, I don't have to be perfect at everything to know what's right."

02:03:02 "You need to show me that you can do what you say you can do."

02:03:05 "You need to show me that you can do what you say you can do."

02:03:08 "You need to show me that you can do what you say you can do."

02:03:11 It's so bizarre to me.

02:03:14 I mean, if these people were hiring managers at a hospital

02:03:17 trying to hire a doctor, they'd ask for proof.

02:03:20 "Show me your medical license."

02:03:23 "Just hire some guy who comes up and says, 'I'm a doctor. Okay, here you go.'

02:03:26 Stitch him up."

02:03:29 "Exactly."

02:03:32 "Exactly."

02:03:35 Yeah, there was an episode.

02:03:38 Some guy said, "Steph is wrong, and I should be nicer to people."

02:03:41 Then asked for evidence on his philosophy experience. Get nothing.

02:03:44 How do you know?

02:03:47 If you had bad parents, how do you know you're a better parent?

02:03:50 Right?

02:03:53 If you have bad parents, they're still bad, right? Bad people.

02:03:56 If you have bad parents,

02:03:59 how do you know you're doing better than them as a parent?

02:04:02 They give you advice? No.

02:04:14 No, because that's not particular to that.

02:04:17 Some people can give you good advice.

02:04:20 Now, how do you know that you're doing better than your parents?

02:04:23 How do you know that you're doing better than your parents as a parent?

02:04:26 Oh, we have a block here in the audience.

02:04:32 When I say this, you'll kick yourself, because we were just talking about this for the last hour.

02:04:35 Yeah, they attack you. Of course. They shit on you.

02:04:41 They undermine you. They sabotage you. They insult you in front of your kids.

02:04:44 They give you weird compliments. They show up late.

02:04:47 They don't have enough food when you come over.

02:04:50 They undermine you. They criticize your appearance, your house.

02:04:53 They just shit on you in some way.

02:04:56 That's how you know you're doing better.

02:04:59 Sorry, you're kicking yourself, right? I don't mean to kick you.

02:05:02 I'm just pointing out that we have a block.

02:05:05 If you do better around stagnant people, they attack you.

02:05:08 We talked about that for 40 minutes.

02:05:11 And then I said, "How do you know you're doing better than your parents?"

02:05:14 And you didn't get it. Again, I'm not criticizing. That's a block.

02:05:17 No, you can't ask your kids, because your kids don't know how you were parented.

02:05:20 You can't ask your kids.

02:05:23 That's why it's dangerous to improve your parenting with abusive parents around.

02:05:26 It's dangerous, because you're inviting attack.

02:05:29 They will undermine you.

02:05:32 They will attempt to sabotage your parenting.

02:05:35 It's just inevitable. It's going to happen.

02:05:38 So, you're kicking yourself.

02:05:41 You're kicking your kids.

02:05:44 Somebody says, "I know how to resolve the relationship problems that she has,

02:05:47 because I can understand why they exist with enough capacity to respect somebody enough

02:05:50 to be honest about the deficits of even immediate family members."

02:05:53 Yeah, that's another word salad. Sorry.

02:05:56 I'm having this right now. What does that mean?

02:05:59 Having what?

02:06:02 Having this right now.

02:06:05 Having what?

02:06:08 Having this right now.

02:06:11 Having what?

02:06:14 [silence]

02:06:17 "@hateusernames."

02:06:20 That's funny.

02:06:23 [silence]

02:06:26 "Oh, your parents purposely sabotaged my parenting."

02:06:29 Yeah, that's right. That's right.

02:06:32 [silence]

02:06:35 I think I'm a pretty good moral force in the world, right?

02:06:38 I oppose violence in all of its forms. I oppose unjust wars.

02:06:41 I oppose the economic predation on the next generation through national debts.

02:06:44 I promote peaceful parenting. I oppose spanking.

02:06:47 And who is one of the people the media hates the most?

02:06:50 [silence]

02:06:53 I mean,

02:06:56 it's not complicated, right? Yeah.

02:06:59 And that's the price of improvement.

02:07:02 I mean, you know the story of the guy who first figured out that washing hands

02:07:05 meant that surgery patients wouldn't get infected, right?

02:07:09 I mean, you know the story of--

02:07:12 I mean, he ended up being attacked, ostracized, punished,

02:07:16 and he ended up being beaten to death in an insane asylum.

02:07:19 And Freud made some steps towards protecting children

02:07:23 from vicious and violent child abuse.

02:07:26 And he was threatened with the destruction of his life, his career.

02:07:30 He had six kids, right?

02:07:33 [silence]

02:07:44 The price of progress is being shone on by the stagnant.

02:07:48 Of course, right?

02:07:51 To expect otherwise, I mean,

02:07:54 like you've never read about Jesus and Socrates and Aristotle and Plato

02:07:57 and Hume and--right?

02:08:00 Yeah, yeah, no, they wrecked his life.

02:08:04 [silence]

02:08:11 Jordan Peterson once said that you could write down

02:08:14 all sabotages you experienced to prevent getting gas lit over time.

02:08:18 This helped me along the way. See who I had outgrown.

02:08:21 Oh, yeah, I mean, or get married, right?

02:08:24 Women have an incredible ability to remember betrayals.

02:08:28 That's why you don't betray women. Well, one of the many reasons.

02:08:31 But yeah, I keep forgetting who I'm supposed to be mad at.

02:08:34 Honestly, I live in a very positive blur of nowness, right?

02:08:37 I'm creating and doing wonderful work, at least as far as I'm concerned,

02:08:40 and helping people, and I just live in this wonderful blur of nowness, right?

02:08:43 And somebody comes up and whatever, my wife will be like,

02:08:47 "Oh, yeah, we don't like them." I'm like, "What? Really? Why?"

02:08:51 "Oh, shit, yeah, that's right."

02:08:54 I literally forget about this kind of stuff, honestly.

02:08:57 Right or wrong, I just shed these kinds of grudges and negativity

02:09:01 like nobody's business. It's just nuts.

02:09:04 And it's good to have people around you who remember this stuff.

02:09:07 That's really, really important.

02:09:10 It's really, really impossible to be the parent you could be

02:09:22 if your parents are sabotaging you. It's just a fact.

02:09:25 And it's not really up to you, right? You have to do what's best for your kids.

02:09:28 Is it best for your kids if you're around parents who sabotage your parenting?

02:09:31 Is it best for your children? That's all. It's the only question you have to ask.

02:09:34 It's not about you, it's not about your history, it's not about your parents.

02:09:37 That's the great thing about having kids, is your life just becomes super fucking simple.

02:09:41 Just becomes super not complicated. What's best for your kids?

02:09:44 What's best for your kids?

02:09:47 I will tell you a great secret at one point about one of my major decisions in this show.

02:09:53 What's best for my kid? That's all it comes to.

02:09:57 It's simple. You don't need to have a lot of complicated wrangling back and forth.

02:10:02 What's best for your kids?

02:10:04 Alright, well listen, I really, really appreciate that.

02:10:06 If you have any last tips, I would very much appreciate those as well.

02:10:10 It has been a long day of labor in the philosophy trenches, I'll tell you that.

02:10:13 But my God, this book is something else.

02:10:17 This book is something else.

02:10:20 I've done 230 pages and it's fiery, it's acidic, it's convulsive, it's tectonic, it's wild.

02:10:30 It's wild. Thank you for the tip, I appreciate that.

02:10:34 What do you think of the arguments called "it's complicated" or "it's human nature"

02:10:37 or "not everything is black and white"?

02:10:41 Well, I mean, if people don't want to think, they should just say they don't want to think.

02:10:45 Anybody who states the obvious is not somebody to be debated with.

02:10:49 Anybody who states the obvious.

02:10:50 "Not everything is black and white!"

02:10:52 That's a straw man, right?

02:10:54 Don't argue with people who create straw men.

02:10:57 I mean, you can say to them, "Did I ever say that?"

02:11:00 And if they say, "Well, no," it's like, "Okay, well then recognize that you have a problem

02:11:05 because you're fogging on this."

02:11:08 Or, "The truth is complicated!"

02:11:11 It's like, "Yeah, yeah."

02:11:14 So, what's better wording?

02:11:18 Any of those statements of curiosity?

02:11:21 "It's complicated," "It's human nature," "Not everything is black and white."

02:11:24 Any of those statements of curiosity? No?

02:11:31 Yeah, they say it's black and white.

02:11:32 No, because they're saying not everything is black and white.

02:11:35 And it's like, "Yeah, I understand."

02:11:37 We're not binary processes when it comes to color. I get that.

02:11:44 Jared says, "Never read a book like this. It's even more significant than UPB, RTR, etc.

02:11:48 It's going to exceed all expectations in my opinion."

02:11:52 "I finished Revolutions recently. What made you choose Nechaev as your protagonist?"

02:11:56 Because I was tempted by political action and revolution.

02:11:59 And I wanted to talk myself out of it, but I needed to really engage the arguments.

02:12:03 So, do you make the world better through revolution, or do you make the world better through family?

02:12:09 And I needed to take on that.

02:12:11 So that's why that happened.

02:12:16 And it's funny, because through writing Revolutions, I got a family.

02:12:21 Because I happened to have had the book published the same day that I met my wife.

02:12:25 She asked me how my day was. I said, "It's pretty fantastic."

02:12:28 I had my first novel published, and we talked from there.

02:12:31 So writing that book about choosing family over politics got me a family.

02:12:38 Isn't that wild? It's a wild thing.

02:12:42 And even if I had never made a penny or ever published anything,

02:12:46 it would be entirely worth it to have written all of that stuff,

02:12:48 just to have a book published on the day I happened to meet my wife.

02:12:51 And that's what got it all started, that book.

02:12:55 "Powerful way to end a week?"

02:12:57 Yeah, it's funny how things work out like that.

02:12:59 Well, it's funny too. Sometimes I used to think, "Gee, maybe I spent too much time exercising."

02:13:03 And then it was like, I recovered from cancer really quickly,

02:13:07 and the doctors and nurses all said,

02:13:09 "Well, it's because you had such a fantastic base of health to begin with."

02:13:12 So exercise probably saved my life from that fairly dire cancer.

02:13:17 So exercise was salvation.

02:13:28 Exercise was salvation. Exercise saved my life.

02:13:33 I'm only here to a large degree because of exercise,

02:13:36 so it's impossible to waste time exercising if it's the one thing that kept you alive.

02:13:39 And that's why you should exercise and stay healthy,

02:13:41 is you never know when you're going to need that healthy base to get better from.

02:13:45 Please exercise and stay healthy, and do more than you feel you need to,

02:13:49 because you never know when nature's going to kick you

02:13:53 with the steel-capped toe boots of, "What the hell happened there?"

02:14:00 So you don't know. You don't know when you're going to get sick.

02:14:02 You don't know. You could get hit by a bus, you could get in a car accident,

02:14:07 you could get some dire illness, and you're going to need that base of health

02:14:10 to be able to bounce back. So please, exercise. I beg you.

02:14:16 I was reading ... Do you know how many steps is the average ...

02:14:21 Okay, just one last thing. Freedomain.com/books.

02:14:26 Oh no, freedomainnft.com.

02:14:28 freedomainnft.com, you can go and buy the book on Ether.

02:14:31 So, yeah, increased muscle mass is associated with increased survivability

02:14:38 from all causes of death.

02:14:39 Okay, how many steps has the average American taken a day?

02:14:43 How many steps has the average American taken a day?

02:14:47 Give me a number.

02:14:52 No, it's not that low. 2,000, 2,000.

02:14:55 No, it's about 4,600. Yeah, Tom, you got it just right.

02:14:59 It's about 4,600 steps that Americans take, on average, a day, right?

02:15:04 Now, let's say that you add 1,000 steps a day from 4,600.

02:15:09 You add 1,000 steps a day, how much does that reduce all-cause mortality by percent?

02:15:18 You add 1,000 steps a day, what percentage does that reduce all-cause mortality?

02:15:27 You're all a little high. It's 15%.

02:15:31 A 15% reduction in all-cause mortality for an extra 1,000 steps a day is very significant.

02:15:38 And it continues to increase your health and decrease your all-cause mortality.

02:15:43 It only tops out at around 20,000 steps.

02:15:46 So, after about 20,000 steps, you might be doing too much to your hips or knees or whatever.

02:15:52 So, these health benefits increase.

02:15:55 I aim for 8,000 to 12,000 steps a day, as best I can, right?

02:15:59 As best I can. Or, if not, steps, exercise.

02:16:02 So, you will continue to get, yeah, 1,000 steps is a short walk.

02:16:09 It's a short walk. It's like a 15-minute walk.

02:16:12 15-minute walk, 15% reduction in all-cause mortality.

02:16:16 It's huge. It's huge.

02:16:18 And nobody's asking you to be a triathlete or do high-intensity workouts.

02:16:22 Just 10, 15-minute walk.

02:16:25 I mean, I used to do this even in the business world.

02:16:28 Let's have a meeting. Let's go for a walk. Let's walk and talk.

02:16:30 I always said, "Are you crazy? Sitting is smoking."

02:16:34 Somebody said, "I want to have a meeting, and we're going to fill the place full of cigar smoke,

02:16:37 and you have to smoke one cigarette up each nostril."

02:16:39 You'd say, "Oh, well, thanks. That's bad for me."

02:16:41 But people sit for an hour or two in a meeting and think they're not dying from it.

02:16:44 It's like, "That's crazy to me. Move, move, move."

02:16:46 Now, I know I'm sitting. I was standing for a bit.

02:16:49 But, yeah, I did. But I walked for two and a half hours doing the call-in show today.

02:16:59 How many miles and 8k steps? You're going to have to look that up. I don't know.

02:17:05 So, yeah, please move, move. Our bodies are designed to move.

02:17:09 Yeah, so I did two hours of weightlifting today while I was writing the book,

02:17:13 and then I did a two and a half hour walk.

02:17:15 So, yeah, I'm sitting. I don't want to overdo it, right?

02:17:18 All right, please exercise. Please donate if you haven't yet.

02:17:22 Appreciate that.

02:17:24 If you're listening to this later, freedomain.com/donate.

02:17:26 We'd really appreciate your help.

02:17:29 With that, you can, of course, join.

02:17:32 We'll do this Sunday. We'll do this Sunday at 11 a.m.

02:17:34 That's going to be a regular subscriber thing, so I hope you'll drop by then.

02:17:37 And I will tell you the story of why I took on some of the most controversial topics on the show.

02:17:44 And that's going to be 11 a.m. Sunday.

02:17:47 And if you want to join into that, you can go to freedomain.locals.com.

02:17:51 You can sign up using the promo code ALLCAPSUPB2022.

02:17:58 And you get access to StephBot AI, premium call-in shows,

02:18:02 History of Philosophers series, the whole thing, and we will talk about all of that.

02:18:08 And, yeah, again, promo code UPB2022.

02:18:12 ALLCAPS, you get a month free. You can try it out and cancel.

02:18:14 It doesn't cost you a penny if you don't like it, but you'll love it.

02:18:16 It's a great community, too. All right. Thanks. Lots of love, my friends.

02:18:19 Have yourself a glorious gorgeous evening.

02:18:21 I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

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