The Dating Guy The Dating Guy S01 E012 – Wind Tunnel
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00:00Socially Awkward. Any suggestions?
00:02Hell yes! More Doppler radar, update the pollen and air quality advisories more often, and more detail in the five-day forecasts.
00:08Ladies and gentlemen, the Socially Awkward demo.
00:11Yeah, Bryce, I just outed myself. I watch the weather station. Big frickin' deal.
00:16Please! It's like MTV for the elderly.
00:18I think Mark will be handling this one.
00:21This is Connie Constantine. She's the hottest weather reporter on television.
00:26I bet you're a real geezer pleaser.
00:28Bend over in that skirt and half your audience will have a coronary.
00:34Bryce, time for some sensitivity training.
00:37Gee, somebody has a little disturbance in his upper atmosphere.
00:40Ah, don't mind Bryce. He's got a medical condition. It's called rectal cranial inversion. I'm Mark.
00:45Hi Mark. So, what do you think of this weather we're having?
00:48Looking good now that tropical storm Connie has shown up on my Doppler radar.
01:29Wow, that Connie Constantine knows her stuff. She's got a Ph.D. in meteorology.
01:34She's a total weather professional.
01:36And man, can she fill out a blouse, hmm?
01:38Smokin' hot.
01:40Way to go.
01:41Shhh!
01:45Nice butt.
01:47Don't you mean, nice butt?
01:49Hey, what you got there, Bryce?
01:51I got a little surprise for you.
01:53Nice butt.
01:54Don't you mean, nice butt?
01:56Hey, what you got there, Bryce?
01:58Glutes so rock hard you could crack a walnut on them. Feel free to kiss them any time.
02:04No, no, the putting thing.
02:05It's called the golden hole. And yours truly is in charge of the account.
02:09Way to go.
02:10That voice, so sexy. Oh, a sultry voice really turns me on.
02:15So, tell me again what you're wearing.
02:17A teeny weeny thong.
02:21Gargoyle need break. Have to whiz like flower horse.
02:24Wow, you sound like one sexy lady.
02:27Yo, Dr. Finkelman. It's like a burning sensation when I pee.
02:36Hole in one. Bravo.
02:38Thanks. I mean, it was a pretty easy shot, but thanks.
02:47Hey, what do you got?
02:48Quiet, mofo. The weather's coming on and I got an outdoor picnic with a lady.
02:53An outdoor picnic? When do people have indoor picnics? Isn't that just lunch?
02:57And tonight, it's going to be mighty foggy.
03:00Whoa, I love when they do that.
03:02Hey, that's Connie. I've got a date with her later.
03:04How'd you score that?
03:05Because I'm incredibly charming and because I'm handling the weather station account at work.
03:09And because Bryce is a flaming asshole.
03:11Score, score, score.
03:14Wonder what he's so happy about.
03:16Either Babylon 5 is coming back on TV or Bill Gates has been named the sexiest man alive.
03:20And sometimes staying home Friday nights and playing with my graphing calculator is more fun than the bar scene.
03:26I like your style.
03:28You complete me.
03:33And that's how you make a tornado.
03:34Oh, cool. Is there anything you don't know about weather?
03:38Well, I don't know whether we're going to end up back at my place or yours.
03:42Okay, let me get us some more drinks.
03:46Things are going great with Connie.
03:47I'm guessing she'll be getting my extended forecast a little later.
03:50Really? A hot girl who you just met today in a hookup on the first date?
03:55Don't sound so surprised. You're not the only one who can pull off the trifecta.
03:58Nothing personal, my man. But the chick's a little out of your league.
04:01I doubt you're going to hit that.
04:03Wanna bet?
04:03You're on. But I need proof.
04:05Proof? What kind of proof?
04:07Panty proof.
04:08Steal her underwear? What kind of pervert would do that?
04:11VJ, he's been banned from every laundromat in town.
04:16Oh!
04:18Okay, fine. I'll steal her panties.
04:20Say it like a man. Panties.
04:22Uh, nope.
04:23Panties!
04:24Ah! Me, me!
04:27Ah, redhead.
04:30Now back to Connie in Weather Central for an update on our current conditions.
04:34Hot and steamy everywhere. And plenty of moisture down south.
04:42Booyah!
04:46Oh, I'm hungry.
04:47What do you say, Goldie? Is it time for a taste of Wang?
04:50Excellent.
04:51You'll love their shrimp balls.
04:53They taste like golf balls, but with plum sauce.
04:58Lonely table for one?
05:00Not today, Wang. Today's a table for two.
05:02Me and someone very special named Goldie.
05:06Okay. Table for cheap toy and sad, pathetic man who love it.
05:12I see you're alone.
05:14Guess your date didn't go so hot.
05:16You couldn't be more wrong.
05:18Connie already split for work.
05:19Song's her panties.
05:25Edible underwear. Breakfast of champions.
05:27Hey, if anybody's gonna snack on those skivvies, it's me.
05:32Tropical fruit flavor.
05:33Panties come in all different flavors these days.
05:35Sweet, savory, Cajun.
05:37I'm partial to pesto.
05:40I'll save him for a mid-morning snack.
05:41Hey, your girlfriend's on the televizor.
05:43Today's going to be very gusty.
05:49Oh, my God. Her short and curly's damn.
05:51Looks like she got many crabbits and a leg lock.
06:00Nothing hits the spot like a pair of nice, fresh panties.
06:03You're kidding. You're gonna eat those in front of us?
06:06Oh, sorry. How rude of me.
06:08Would you care for a swatch?
06:10No, thanks. I just had a jockstrap. Super-sized.
06:13I could use something to wash this down with.
06:14There's juice in the little jars in the fridge labeled VJ.
06:16Ugh, I thought those were his urine samples.
06:18Nah, he just puts his apple juice in there to keep us from drinking it.
06:25Oh, hey, Connie. How are you?
06:27Not great, Mark.
06:27I just accidentally flashed my privates to every geriatric
06:30and shut in watching the morning weather report.
06:32That's the chick.
06:33Oh, you saw her secret garden?
06:35Yeah, and it ain't seen a weedwhacker in a long time.
06:38You know what I'm saying?
06:39I thought I saw Mark cough up a furball this morning.
06:42I tried to tell the boss it was an accident, but he wouldn't listen.
06:45He said I'm too sleazy for the weather station.
06:48Wherever could your underwear have gone?
06:50I must have left them here.
06:51Have you seen them?
06:52No, not a morsel. I mean, not at all.
06:56Is that tropical fruit flavor I smell?
06:58Uh, no, no.
06:59Look, here's an idea.
07:01I could go tell your boss that Johnson and Booyah
07:03has already done the whole ad campaign with you
07:05and it's testing through the roof.
07:06Really? You think it'll work?
07:08If it doesn't, I'll eat my hat.
07:10Or your bikini briefs.
07:11You aren't wearing pesto, are you?
07:16Okay, now try this.
07:18It was invented by General Tao at the Battle of Battered Chicken.
07:21He defeated his enemies with sticky red sauce.
07:23Amazing.
07:24I'll get that for you, baby.
07:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
08:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
08:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
09:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
09:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
10:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
10:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
11:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
11:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
12:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
12:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
13:09Oh please, a guy gets his rod stuck in a putty machine? A story like that only comes along once in a lifetime.
13:15Sam, you have to understand, I thought Goldie was what I wanted. A girl who appreciates me for me, who gives me nothing but positive feedback.
13:22Yep, she pretty much swallowed everything you had to offer.
13:24Now I just want her off me. Oh, I've lost all feeling below my balls.
13:28You want me to pull on it? That's gotta be the first time I've said that to a guy with less than seven drinks in me.
13:32I can't, I'm really late for work. Besides, the IT department is having a pizza lunch.
13:36You know, you can do better.
13:38Thanks, Sam.
13:39I was talking to her.
13:42Hey, buddy! How's about another drink over here? Rum and Coke, but Coke for color, if you know what I mean.
13:49Uh, how about a water?
13:50How about I come over there and kill ya?
13:52Whoa! Did Dexter eat all your panties?
13:54What did you say?
13:55Oh, nothing, nothing, nah.
13:57All right, look, I dared Mark to steal your panties to prove that he slept with you.
14:02Then he ate them.
14:04What? That thick, twisted bastard!
14:07And so, we're looking at it being overcast this evening in the metro area.
14:11And the mercury is falling, so if you're going out, bring a sweater.
14:16That little weasel stole my panties to get me fired!
14:19So he could steal my job and become famous!
14:24Damn, girl! That's a chia pet up in there!
14:26Hey, mind your own business!
14:28Barjocky, your pal Mark Dexler is about to get his.
14:37Oh, hey, Connie! What a surprise!
14:40What's wrong? You seem nervous.
14:42No, no, I mean, maybe a bit.
14:44Don't be. I caught your first show and I thought you were great.
14:47Really?
14:48Totally. Which is why I decided I have to move past what happened.
14:51Just because I studied meteorology for seven years doesn't mean a complete novice can't come in and take over my job.
14:57Anyway, I thought I'd give you a little helpful advice.
15:00If you're going to be a big star in the weather game, you need to be prepared.
15:04Cool! The Miami Vice look!
15:07All I need is a Sherbert-colored T-shirt now!
15:11Welcome to the big time, Mark!
15:14Hey, check me out! I'm Scarface!
15:16Thanks, Cockroach!
15:28Dude, you gotta help me! I've been looking everywhere for this guy!
15:32Dude, you gotta help me! I've been looking everywhere for this guy!
15:35If I don't find it, Denise is going to have my ass!
15:38Remember what happened the last time someone messed up?
15:40You're not going to make another coffee with just one scoop again, are you?
15:45Damn right!
15:50Sorry, man, I wish I could help, but I haven't seen it anywhere.
15:53Hole in one!
15:54Where'd that come from?
15:57Ah, well, it's actually on the end of my...
16:01You're kidding!
16:03Man, I always thought you were a loser, but this takes it to a whole new level!
16:07Bryce, you have to help me get it off!
16:09First, I gotta take a picture.
16:11A guy with a putting gadget on his pecker?
16:13Man, my Facebook traffic is going to spike when I post this!
16:16Please, Bryce, just help me get it off!
16:19Oh, suck it up, VJ.
16:21It could be worse. You could have fallen in love with a garbage disposal.
16:26The Weekend Weather Watch calls for a 90% chance of rain.
16:31I said, a 90% chance of rain!
16:45Edible suit! Never get that stuff wet!
16:48And that cold water isn't helping him either.
16:50And now to the national weather map.
16:52Where's my pointer?
16:54I just got the commercial!
16:59Wait, are you sure this is going to work?
17:01Sure it'll work. Or it'll tear your dick off.
17:04What? Hold on a second!
17:12What the hell is going on here?
17:14VJ stole the golden hole and he put it on his schlong and now it's stuck.
17:17Is that true?
17:19No, actually, Miss Felcher, Bryce is being modest.
17:22He thought that the golden hole wasn't such a great product.
17:26So he came up with the excellent idea of turning it into a sex toy
17:29that compliments sad, lonely men on their sexual prowess.
17:34What a great idea!
17:36The market for pathetic wankers is going to be way bigger than the golfing market.
17:40Good work, Bryce.
17:42Wait, what about my...
17:44Looking good.
17:45Oh, shut your damn hole!
17:48Sorry, Mark, but our audience isn't ready for male nudity.
17:51And even if it were, I'd want more bang for my buck.
17:54If you know what I mean.
17:56The humiliation just doesn't end, does it?
17:58Of course I don't have to tell you.
18:00You're fired!
18:03Hey, what's she doing here?
18:05I brought her back.
18:06Turns out if you show your moneymaker once, it's gauche.
18:09But if you show it every day, it's pure gold.
18:12What do you mean?
18:13So strap yourself in, Dexler,
18:15because this ain't your father's weather station anymore.
18:18My God, she's going to do the weather like that?
18:21Yep, it's a whole new concept in meteorology.
18:24Weather girl's gone wild.
18:27I may never turn off my TV again.
18:33So, VJ, how'd you finally get Goldie off your junk?
18:35The fire department had to come and use the Jaws of Life.
18:38Hey, one more stamp on my Jaws of Life card and the next one's free.
18:41You know, Mark, it's too bad it didn't work out with you and Connie.
18:43I know, and it's weird.
18:44It's like I'm reminded of her everywhere I go.
18:46Yeah, I know what you mean.
18:48I feel like I can still hear Goldie's voice right now.
18:51Hello, ladies.
18:53Time for a hot little threesome.
18:55Put it in the hole, Woody. In the hole.
19:11Sous-titres réalisés para la communauté d'Amara.org