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00:00Hazel, at least let me pay for the wool.
00:02Not on your life, Mr. B. This sweater's gonna be on me. I'll get my tape measure.
00:07She's a remarkable woman.
00:09And she'll make you a sweater that you couldn't buy in a store for $50. Remember my blue suit?
00:13Oh, a beauty. You know, at times like this, I can't understand why I get so irritated with her.
00:19She's kind, generous, cooperative.
00:21Well, she loves us, George.
00:22Oh, I'm sure she does.
00:24Okay, Mr. B. Would you mind standing up?
00:27Of course not, Hazel. Measure away.
00:29Just stand natural.
00:31Stand natural. Slump.
00:33I don't slump.
00:34Oh, for Pete's sake, Mr. B.
00:36Let's face it, you ain't no U.S. Marine.
00:41Arms.
00:45Arms like an orangutan.
00:50We got shoulders.
00:53Oh, terrific shoulders.
00:57And now the waist.
00:59Excuse me.
01:02Let your stomach out.
01:04What do you mean, let my stomach out?
01:05You got it all sucked in.
01:06I have not.
01:08All right, I'll take this measurement.
01:10Good.
01:11And then I'll add two inches.
01:12Hazel, I do not have my stomach sucked in.
01:15Oh, for Pete's sake, Mr. B.
01:17If you didn't have a belt on, your pants would fall down.
01:27That's the most irritating woman who ever lived.
01:57Hey, Barney, come on in.
02:17Take a load off your feet.
02:19Are you hungry?
02:20I got some coffee cake hot out of the oven.
02:24You ain't Barney.
02:25No, ma'am.
02:26Well, where is he?
02:27Oh, you mean the regular mailman.
02:30Yeah, Barney, Barney Hatfield.
02:32He ain't missed a day on this route as long as I can remember.
02:35Oh, I wouldn't know, ma'am.
02:37I'm only a substitute.
02:40Uh, I think this is all.
02:42Unless, is this yours?
02:45I can't figure out if this is a one or a seven there.
02:48No, that's in the next block.
02:49I bet you got those all mixed up.
02:51You better let me help you sort them for you.
02:53Oh, please, ma'am.
02:54That's government property.
02:55Well, the government ain't going to be too pleased
02:57if the taxpayers start crabbing about you mixing up the mail.
03:00Oh, no, ma'am.
03:01Private citizens are not allowed to tamper with government property.
03:05Well, then make me a deputy.
03:07This is for the Armstrongs.
03:09That's two houses back.
03:10I don't want you to miss them.
03:12That three don't look like nothing human.
03:14And these are for the Johnsons next door.
03:17Next door?
03:18Yeah, and the Zabinskis, well, they're two blocks down,
03:20three houses from the corner.
03:22Three blocks down, three houses from the corner.
03:24You better put that up there right up on your shoulder blade, you know,
03:28near the center of gravity.
03:30Don't that feel better?
03:31Oh, yes, ma'am.
03:32Thank you very much, ma'am.
03:33You're going to be fine.
03:34You know, substituting is tough.
03:36Kind of like basic training.
03:38But if you can make good on this route, you can go anyplace.
03:43Yes, ma'am.
03:44I sure hope so.
03:45You know about dogs?
03:46You just hold out the back of your hand and let them get a good sniff
03:49and you won't have any trouble.
03:50Bonnie ain't been bitten three or four years.
03:54Yes, ma'am.
03:55I'll remember.
03:56Good luck.
04:19Cranston speaking.
04:20Oh, Mr. Cranston, this is Miss Burke on Marshall Road.
04:23First, I wanted to tell you that that's a real nice kid you got
04:27substituting for Bonnie Hatfield.
04:29Oh, sure, he's green, but he'll be fine with a little help from his supervisor,
04:35which I know he'll get seeing as how they're cute.
04:38Well, thank you very much.
04:40It was nice of you to take the trouble to call.
04:42Oh, my pleasure.
04:44Well, second, I was just wondering why Bonnie wasn't working today.
04:49May I ask again who's calling?
04:52I'm afraid I didn't catch your name.
04:54Miss Burke, Hazel Burke.
04:55We met at the annual ball.
04:57Oh, of course.
04:58Hazel, how are you?
04:59Oh, fine, but I was just wondering why Bonnie wasn't on the job.
05:03He ain't been transferred, has he?
05:05Oh, no, he'll be back on his regular route Monday.
05:07But where is he today?
05:09Well, called in to say he wasn't feeling too hot.
05:11Thought he ought to stay in bed today.
05:13Nothing to worry about, I'm sure, Hazel.
05:15Nothing to worry about?
05:17Say, if he called in and said he couldn't report this morning,
05:21there must be something terrible wrong with that man.
05:48Bonnie?
05:51It's me, Hazel.
05:58Bonnie?
06:02Must be sleeping on his good ear.
06:06Bonnie?
06:17Bonnie?
06:48Bonnie?
07:02Bonnie?
07:04Are you in the tub?
07:07Bonnie?
07:14Oh, Mr. Carson, I'm so glad you're here.
07:16Would you mind looking in there? He may be drowning.
07:18What?
07:20Oh.
07:23Well, he isn't there.
07:25How do you like that?
07:27I take time off on my lunch hour.
07:29Brought him some ice cream, hand-packed.
07:32Are you suggesting that Bonnie would call in and say he was sick if he wasn't?
07:35I'm not suggesting anything.
07:37I should hope not.
07:38It's 31 years of faithful service, rain or shine.
07:41Nor snow, nor sleek, nor dark of night.
07:43All right, Hazel, I know the rest of it.
07:46He's never done anything like this before, but...
07:49Well, if he said he was sick in bed, why isn't he?
07:54Because...
07:55Because he went to see a doctor, that's why.
07:58Well, that could be.
08:01I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
08:03Oh, here.
08:06Well, thanks for dropping by, Mr. Carson, and bringing the ice cream.
08:09Bonnie will be real pleased.
08:11Phone me as soon as he gets back.
08:13And I want to know the name of his doctor.
08:18I should never have called him.
08:24Oh.
08:29Imagine Bonnie saving this picture of him and me.
08:42Hello?
08:43I've got it, George.
08:44It's me.
08:45I just wanted to tell you not to worry about dinner.
08:48I'm on my way home.
08:50Bonnie's place was a mess.
08:51I had to straighten it up.
08:53How's Bonnie?
08:54Well, I don't know.
08:56He ain't got back from the doctors yet.
08:58And Mr. Cranston, you know, that's the fellow he works for,
09:02he keeps calling all the time and asking where Bonnie is.
09:05He keeps getting madder and madder.
09:07I don't know what to tell him.
09:09I'm awful worried.
09:10Hazel, you're going to worry here just as well as you can over there.
09:13Now, come on home.
09:14Yes, sir.
09:15I'm sure everything's going to be all right, Hazel.
09:17I hope so.
09:19I'll be home pretty soon.
09:24Oh, Bonnie.
09:26Where are you?
09:38Oh, now, look.
09:51I know Hazel's worried, but could I have my coffee?
09:55Missy, do you mind if I go back over to Bonnie's?
09:58What for?
09:59And may I please have my coffee?
10:01What?
10:02Oh, oh, sure, your coffee.
10:05I was just wondering, maybe he went into town to see a specialist.
10:09You know, about what's ailing him.
10:11That's ridiculous.
10:12Well, I called all the doctors around here.
10:15Oops, sorry.
10:16Hazel, you can't do Bonnie any good by going back to his apartment,
10:19so forget about it.
10:20Well, I could see if he packed his bag, then we'd have something to go on.
10:25You ready for your coffee, Mr. B?
10:27Yes, Hazel, I would like my coffee very much.
10:30I could do the dishes when I got back.
10:32Well, that's not important, Hazel.
10:34The thing that worries me is you're driving at night, alone.
10:37Oh, Missy.
10:39You mean you'll really go with me?
10:41Well, of course I'll go.
10:44You will not.
10:47I'll go.
10:49Oh, Mr. B, you're a doozy.
10:52Hazel, my coffee.
10:56We'll both go.
10:57We'll all go.
10:58Oh, no, you don't, Harold.
10:59We're going to drop you off at your grandmother's.
11:01Now, no argument.
11:02Come on, fellas, let's go.
11:12You mean none of his clothes are missing?
11:14I know every suit he's got.
11:15They're all there.
11:16Well, they can't be.
11:18George, the uniform without a face by Barney Hatfield.
11:24He wears a uniform but has no face, this man who walks from place to place.
11:30Right, left, left, right, up upon your feet again.
11:34Left, right, right, left, up and down the street again.
11:37Barney writing poetry.
11:39Days into years, the same old route, always the same, day in and day out.
11:45Getting nowhere much too fast.
11:48Oh, how long can this treadmill last?
11:51Barney's a beatnik.
11:53By bus, by train, by air, they're flown into his pouch for him to bear.
11:58A postage due, a dress unknown.
12:01And is there even one to care what troubles him?
12:05Oh, no, they say, what have you got for me today?
12:09And then they frown and turn away.
12:12And this goes on day after day.
12:15Life passes him by without a trace, this uniform without a face.
12:24Poor guy sounds desperate.
12:26Mr. B, you don't think Barney would...
12:29No, no, of course not.
12:32Let's see what he has in here.
12:39What is it, Mr. B?
12:41You sure never know, do you?
12:44He stated a week ago to Barney a doll of a guy from his...
12:50Ever grateful.
12:51Boo-boo-ba-ducks.
12:54Boo-boo-ba-doos.
12:56Ever grateful.
12:58That's French, huh?
12:59I bet she ain't any more French than I am.
13:01Well, she could be a relative, a niece, maybe.
13:04No, he don't have no nieces.
13:05The only close relatives he has is two maiden aunts in Florida that he helps aboard.
13:10Believe me, Hazel, this is no maiden aunt.
13:13I don't understand.
13:17Well, I don't care how it looks.
13:19I ain't gonna believe that Barney is the kind of a fellow that goes around writing poetry
13:23and chasing after somebody called Boo-boo-ba-doo until I see it with my own eyes.
13:28He's in serious trouble.
13:30And it's up to us to help him.
13:32Now, just a minute, Hazel.
13:33Don't you think you've meddled enough?
13:35Whatever he's been up to, he might have gotten away with
13:37if you hadn't butted in, calling his supervisor.
13:39George, she feels badly enough without your going on like that.
13:43I know what it is.
13:44It's a case of double indemnity.
13:46Double indem...
13:47You know, George, a split personality, amnesia, double indem...
13:52Identity.
13:54He probably had one of these spells before.
13:56And that's when he met this Boo-boo-ba-doo.
13:59Well, I'll admit one thing, this is way out of character for Barney.
14:02Well, now all we gotta do is to find Boo-boo-ba-doo.
14:06And she'll lead us to Barney.
14:12Coming, George?
14:14If I could find Boo-boo-ba-doo, I wouldn't miss it.
14:38Wait a minute.
14:40Want to see the pretty girls?
14:42Go in front and buy a ticket.
14:43We've been around front.
14:45Yeah, we ain't interested in the show.
14:47We just want to find somebody who might know.
14:49Show them the picture, Mr. B.
14:53Boo-boo-ba-doo.
14:55When you've seen one, you've seen them all.
14:57Give him some money, George.
15:06Uh-uh.
15:07You ever seen him before?
15:12I can't remember exactly where, but...
15:15Comedy Act?
15:17Ain't sure, but that face looks strangely familiar.
15:21Well, have you seen him recently?
15:23Tonight? Last night?
15:25Not him.
15:27Her.
15:37Can I do something for you, honey?
15:40Well, yes, you can.
15:42We're looking for Boo-boo-ba-doo.
15:44Show the picture, Mr. B.
15:46Yes, yes.
15:48See, Boo-boo-ba-doo. See where she signed it?
15:52She must be new in the business.
15:54But if anyone would know her, it'd be Joe.
15:57The purple horse down the road a couple of miles.
16:00Just tell him Kitty sent you.
16:04The purple horse? Thank you.
16:07Thank you very much, Miss...
16:09Kitty.
16:33Well, so much for the purple horse.
16:35We've run out of clues.
16:36And I still haven't had my coffee.
16:46You and Missy like to go home, huh, Mr. B?
16:51Hey!
16:53Hey, you friends of Mary Ann's?
16:55I mean Boo-boo.
16:56Her real moniker is Mary Ann Appleby.
16:58Boo-boo-ba-doo, that's just a stage name.
17:01No kidding.
17:02You talk as though you know her very well.
17:04Sure, her and me went to school together.
17:06Where can we find her?
17:08What do you want to find her for?
17:10Give him some money, George.
17:12Well, we're hoping she can help us locate a friend of ours, that's all.
17:16Mary Ann's a good kid.
17:18I wouldn't want to get her into any trouble.
17:20Give him some money, George.
17:27Well, uh...
17:31She lives on the other side of town in the Wyndham Apartments.
17:33She's working a club date tonight, so there's no telling when she'll get in.
17:39You and Missy can go home if you want to.
17:41I couldn't sleep a wink.
17:43Oh, we wouldn't think of going home, would we, George?
17:46Oh, Mr. B, you're a doozy.
17:50Mr. B, am I keeping you up too late?
17:52If we waited so long, George, it'd be a shame to leave now and just miss her.
18:20Oh, excuse me, Miss, but, uh...
18:22We just want to know if he's all right.
18:24What he does and who his friends are are his own business.
18:26Hazel.
18:27Well, I don't want him getting any wrong ideas about Barney and me.
18:30We're looking for a friend of yours, Barney Hatfield.
18:33He's disappeared and we think maybe you could lead us to him.
18:36Who?
18:37Uh, Barney Hatfield.
18:39Gee, I'm sorry, I don't think I know the gentleman.
18:41Don't know him? Show the picture, Mr. B.
18:44Yeah, that's me.
18:48Kind of a cute pose, isn't it?
18:51But I don't remember who this Barney fellow is.
18:54You sure forget fast. You just gave it to him last week.
18:57I did?
18:59Well, gee, honey, in my business, you meet a lot of fellas in a week.
19:02Give us the money, George.
19:05Maybe if you saw this picture of him, it'd refresh your memory.
19:08Oh, that's cute.
19:10Gee, I don't know. It's so dark.
19:12He works for the post office.
19:15Oh, sure. Why didn't you say so? I remember him.
19:19What a doll.
19:22What's he done?
19:23Nothing that we know of. We're afraid he might be ill.
19:27Well, gee, I wish I could help you, but I only met him once.
19:31Ever grateful?
19:33Never grateful.
19:35Never grateful.
19:37I met him once.
19:39Ever grateful?
19:41You'd be grateful, too, if your jerk of a husband had sent your alimony check to the wrong address.
19:46That doll of a postman went miles out of his way to see to it I got it.
19:51The least I could do was give him my picture.
19:53You mean you and him, Hank?
19:55Hazel, please.
19:57Thank you very much, Miss Badu.
19:59Sorry I can't help.
20:03Ta-ta.
20:05Well, it's almost daylight and we're right back where we started.
20:08Well, at least we know Barney's the kind of man we knew he was.
20:11If he ain't carrying on with that one, what is he up to?
20:26Here's ten dollars from the Howards.
20:28I'm Oliver Cranston.
20:30Oh, how do you do, I'm Mrs. Baxter.
20:32The news is on.
20:36Hazel, I want to apologize for my attitude yesterday.
20:39Save your apologies for Barney.
20:41How you could think a nice fellow like that?
20:43I wanted to let you know that every mailman in the department
20:46has volunteered his day off to make a house-to-house inquiry.
20:49And if there's anything I can do personally...
20:52...in the search for Barney Hatfield,
20:54popular postal employee and member of the all-city bowling team,
20:57missing since early yesterday morning.
20:59WXIW is requesting all its listeners to call this station
21:03if they have any information regarding the whereabouts of this man.
21:07On the political front, no news is good news.
21:10That's what I keep telling myself, but I ain't very convincing.
21:14Excuse me. I got a pot of coffee on.
21:33Surprise!
21:38Hazel, they're all clean.
21:40Barney Hatfield, where have you been?
21:43Fishing.
21:44Fishing?
21:46Yeah, that's how come I caught the fish.
21:49Barney!
21:51He's been fishing.
21:52Fishing.
21:53Mr. Cranston, what are you doing here?
21:56The whole town's looking for you.
21:58All of your friends are worried to death.
22:00The whole town? All my friends?
22:02You told me you were sick, and I believed you.
22:05I went to see you on my lunch hour.
22:07I even took you ice cream.
22:09You went to see me because you thought I was sick?
22:12Banana nut.
22:14Pan pat.
22:15I'm going to have you up on charges.
22:18But, Mr. Cranston, I had sick leave.
22:25Barney, you ought to be ashamed of yourself,
22:27scaring everybody like that, playing hooky.
22:30Now I'll have to give all this reward money back.
22:32It's a good thing we kept the list.
22:35Money? Reward?
22:37You've got a lot of explaining to do, Mr. Barney Hatfield.
22:40Did you know that the people on your route
22:42took up a collection to ensure your safe return?
22:47I can't get over it.
22:49I didn't think anybody would even notice I wasn't there.
22:52I didn't think anybody would care.
22:55I'm not that important.
22:57I'm just a crotchety old bachelor
22:59that does his job the best he knows how, day after day.
23:03Oh, you're feeling very sorry for yourself, aren't you, Mr. Hatfield?
23:06The uniform without a face.
23:08You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
23:10a grown man acting that way.
23:13You read my poem.
23:15What right have you got messing around in my private papers?
23:18Who else did you show my poem to?
23:20Doggone it, Hazel.
23:21I bet this whole darn shooting match was all your fault.
23:24Don't worry.
23:25You won't have me doing you a friendly deed again.
23:28But, golly, Hazel...
23:29From now on, all we got to discuss is overdue postage.
23:32Gee, Hazel...
23:33Now, you take your fish and get out of here.
23:37Barney, Mr. Cranston would like to talk to you.
23:41Well, naturally, you'll be Dr. Day's pay, Barney,
23:44but Mrs. Baxter has convinced me that,
23:47in view of your previous record, I ought to let it go at that.
23:49Gee, thanks, Mr. Cranston.
23:51Believe me, I'll...
23:52Thank the Baxters.
23:53They talked me into it.
23:55I do, I do.
23:57I can't thank you enough.
23:58If Hazel is willing to forgive you,
24:00I guess the rest of us can, too.
24:02Hazel?
24:05Hazel?
24:08Oh, Hazel.
24:09She isn't really mad.
24:12How are you, Hazel?
24:13Well, I can't make up my mind on an empty stomach.
24:18Why don't you all sit down and have a cup of coffee
24:21while I fry up these fish?
24:23It won't take me a minute to whip up some of my special tartar sauce.
24:27With tarragon?
24:29If you don't mind, I like it without.
24:31Well, I'll make some without for you and Missy, Mr. B,
24:34and I'll whip some up with tarragon for somebody else
24:38who might happen to like it.
24:53THE END
25:23This has been a Screen Gems film production.