Please Sir - S01E02 - A Picture of Innocence
Transcript
00:30All right, simmer down, simmer down.
00:59Now, Duffy, the title of the essay I set you was My Favourite Hobby, right?
01:04Right.
01:05I should have known better, shouldn't I?
01:06Well, how can I help it if my favourite hobby's pulling birds?
01:10Now, don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against the male-female relationship.
01:14It's just that I object to the way in which you write about it in a manner only to get cheap laughs and cause embarrassment.
01:20You're not embarrassed, are you?
01:22Well, no, of course I'm not embarrassed.
01:24You look embarrassed.
01:26Well, I'm not.
01:27I've always said that I'm willing to discuss any subject with you, including pulling a male-female relationship.
01:33What? Like, now?
01:35Well, I hardly think this is...
01:37Yeah, folks, I was winking!
01:40All right, all right.
01:41But in an adult manner.
01:43Now, if it's going to be sex, let's have it in the open.
01:49All right, all right.
01:50Now, has anybody got a sensible question to ask me?
01:54Yes, Craven.
01:55Do you believe in what they call pre-marital relationships, sir?
01:59No, no, I don't.
02:01Why not?
02:02You know as well as I do why not.
02:04What? Do you mean it's too risky?
02:07No, no, that's not what I mean at all.
02:09Please, sir.
02:11What are pre-marital relationships?
02:15Ah, well, Dunstable.
02:20Ah, well, Dunstable.
02:23When a man and woman who are not yet married decide to...
02:31shack up together.
02:33Shack up together.
02:35Yes.
02:37Well, Duffy will explain the whole thing during the lunch break, I'm sure.
02:42You're talking about love, aren't you, sir?
02:45Yes, Maureen.
02:47Yes, I am.
02:48Oh.
02:51Well, what if you was really mad on some tart girl, then,
02:55and you couldn't get married for, say, five years.
02:58What would you do then?
02:59Yeah.
03:00Eh?
03:01Ah, well, without going into some long chat about cold showers and football,
03:08I would get her to, um...
03:10Well, I would ask her...
03:12That's good.
03:14Yes, Mr Potter?
03:16Mr Regis?
03:17I have now reached 240 pounds per square inch,
03:20and the needles on my gauges are quivering.
03:22Perhaps you frightened them.
03:26Thus indicating that I have a blockage in my fluid flow,
03:30which, need I add, is traceable to this room, you see.
03:32It's traceable.
03:33Yes, well, look, I'm in the middle of some lesson.
03:35Couldn't you do this some other time?
03:36No, not unless you want water squirting all over the place.
03:39This is emergency administration, this, you see.
03:43It's a noisy emergency administration.
03:47Unavoidable noisy emergency administration.
03:50All right, all right, carry on.
03:52Now, look, where were we?
03:54He was telling us all about pre-marital relationships.
03:57Oh.
03:59No, no, no, I wasn't telling you all about it.
04:02I was telling you what I would do about it.
04:04Convert it.
04:06Or rather, what I wouldn't do.
04:08I wouldn't.
04:09I mean, one simply shouldn't go up to a girl
04:11with your apparent single-mindedness and ask her...
04:15Right, Mr Potter,
04:17let me know when you strike oil, will you?
04:20I've got to go and see the headmaster,
04:22so carry on discussing what we were discussing.
04:24Right.
04:26Second thoughts, don't do that,
04:27just have a look at the essays I marked for you.
04:32I, here, listen, listen,
04:33I wouldn't allow talk about that sort of thing, you know,
04:35if I was your teacher.
04:37What would you do then?
04:38Just keep mum and demonstrate instead?
04:41You're a hussy, you!
04:52Oh, no, of course.
04:53Shaving cream.
04:55KERN?
04:59Headmaster,
05:00I wonder if I might have a word with you, sir.
05:02Oh, yes, yes, of course,
05:03always delighted to see a parent.
05:04You're young Applebottom Yard's father, aren't you?
05:07No, no, sir, Hedges.
05:08Hedges' father.
05:09No, nobody's father, sir, Hedges,
05:115C form master, started last week.
05:13Oh, my dear chap, I'm so sorry,
05:15it's these reading glasses, you know,
05:16different focal length.
05:17Oh, yes, yes, of course, Hedges, sit down.
05:19Thank you, sir.
05:21I'd like to have a chat with you, sir.
05:23I've got a problem with my form.
05:25Oh, seen Miss Yule, have you?
05:27No, not yet, sir.
05:29Now, I don't want to rush into any snap judgments,
05:31I mean, I've only had my form for three days,
05:33but I do believe the problem is with my form,
05:37that they are simply not integrated.
05:40Really, Hedges, you must learn
05:42till you choose your words more carefully.
05:44Remember, this is a multiracial school.
05:47Oh, no, no, the problem's got nothing to do
05:49with black and white, sir.
05:51Have you any Hedges?
05:53Well, this integration, mixing in,
05:56has got very little to do with colour,
05:58pigmentation, sir.
06:00What I'm really trying to say, sir,
06:02is 5C do not form a corporate life at the school.
06:04There you are, my dear boy, you see.
06:06When you care to, you can be very succinct.
06:09Very succinct indeed, yes.
06:11Well, now, far ahead, I'm all ears.
06:13Well...
06:14Yes, I suppose this must be filled under pressure.
06:17Price would know.
06:19Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes,
06:21you do look like Appleyard's father with these.
06:24I wonder if we could have a big campaign, sir,
06:28to make 5C join in.
06:30No, not make, that smacks with a male fist.
06:33Er, persuade?
06:34Yes, yes, better.
06:36We could talk to the class, we could talk to the teachers,
06:38running the societies involved.
06:40I'm so glad you're with me on this, sir.
06:42Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, indeed.
06:44Yes, you go ahead and good luck with your project.
06:47Oh, Hedges, Hedges, Hedges,
06:49you've sprayed my letter to the governors.
06:51I'm most terribly sorry, sir, if you could...
06:54Yes, yes.
06:55It's all right, sir.
06:56You'd misspelled promiscuity anyway.
07:00Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Miss Ewell.
07:03I should hope so.
07:10I do hope Hedges hasn't taken up your time with minor problems, Headmaster.
07:14Oh, no, no, no, I've just been suggesting to him
07:16that he gets his class to muck in better
07:19with the rest of the school societies and so on.
07:21I do hope the staff will react to him suitably.
07:25I've no doubt that they will.
07:30Don't be bloody daft, man. Have you a lot in my chess club?
07:33It'll be like inviting the Gestapo to a bar mitzvah.
07:38Try somebody else.
07:39Thanks.
07:43Margaret, look, about your country rambles,
07:47I was wondering if...
07:54Wyatt, you wouldn't...
07:56You wouldn't know.
07:59Smithy.
08:05Smithy.
08:07Smithy.
08:09That's indicating points of equal temperature on the earth's surface.
08:13Oh.
08:15What?
08:16Look, I was wondering if you'd be interested
08:18in a new influx of members to your school parliamentary debating society.
08:22Who?
08:235C.
08:25Here you are.
08:26It won't help, but the taste will take your mind off things.
08:29What's wrong with me? Have I trodden in something?
08:31No, a bit overenthusiastic, but that will wear off.
08:34No, it's when people see you coming,
08:36you see, they do see a vister behind you,
08:39a ravening pack of hellhounds called 5C.
08:42Yeah, I thought it was the kids that's cutting themselves off.
08:45It's the staff.
08:46Familiar with gangrene, are you?
08:48Not intimately. Why?
08:49It spreads, you see, if you don't amputate the infected limb.
08:52Oh, yes.
08:53You don't cure sickness by turning your back on it, you know, Price?
08:56Oh, I'll but bloody spite, sir, as I live and breathe.
08:59Sir!
09:00Oh, you listen.
09:01You and your societies.
09:02Get Wyre to tell you what happened to an expensive microscope he brought up.
09:05And why R for 5C had new suits on the next week.
09:08Oh, we've tried, boy.
09:10We've given our time or done our time to be more accurate.
09:13Surely there's some society in the school
09:15that doesn't have valuable things to smash or steal?
09:18Oh, now you're thinking.
09:19The next question you've got to ask yourself
09:21is whether there could possibly be another suicidal eager beaver
09:24like yourself in the school.
09:26Well, there must be somebody.
09:29Well, there must be somebody.
09:49More private enterprise, Mr Darling.
09:52Oh, monsieur.
09:54Well, there's this exhibition, you see, and I have...
09:57And the class you're supposed to be teaching?
10:00They're not here.
10:01How perceptive.
10:03Where are they?
10:04Um, 3B.
10:06Not who.
10:07Where?
10:09In the playground.
10:10I sent them out there to look, touch, see and learn.
10:15I shudder at the implications.
10:18Whilst you have the impudence to accept a salary
10:21for occupying yourself with your private daubings.
10:25Not private daubings.
10:27This is a statement of the paradox of modern commerce.
10:31A bleak art.
10:33Don't be absurd.
10:34It can't be.
10:36It is.
10:38Now, listen to me.
10:39Your persistent failure to join in school activities
10:43like teaching children has not gone unnoticed.
10:46I should be very surprised if you're still with us next term.
10:49But I've got a family.
10:51Then think of them.
10:52And at the same time, think of the children of this school
10:55and not your silly little ego.
10:59Phyllis Stein.
11:02Oh.
11:06I don't know.
11:13Sayid, stop that immediately.
11:16I'll be down there in a minute
11:17and if you've not got something to show me, there'll be trouble.
11:23Hi, darling.
11:25I'm glad I caught you doing nothing.
11:27Look, why has everyone got the wrong impression of me?
11:30Now, listen, darling, you're a man of integrity, aren't you?
11:33I should jolly well say so.
11:35I mean, you're willing to take a gamble?
11:37Certainly.
11:38Can you revel in a challenge?
11:39Of course.
11:405C for the sketch club?
11:41Yes.
11:42What?
11:43There's 5C.
11:44It's going to mean an awful lot of extra work.
11:47Look, old son.
11:50Look, old son, I'm paid to think about the kids,
11:53not my silly little ego.
11:55No, you!
11:56Whack them in, I'll be only too happy.
11:59MUSIC PLAYS
12:17This is bleeding good, isn't it?
12:19A class load of little kiddies all waiting for Reggie to come along and learn a something.
12:23He don't turn up.
12:24Yeah, we know, he dashes about all the time.
12:26Probably keeps flying past the door and can't stop.
12:28Yeah.
12:29Want any more?
12:30No, I'll keep these.
12:32Hey, what you knitting in, Ma?
12:34What do you think she's knitting?
12:36Oh, yeah.
12:37Abbott, don't be so bloody crude.
12:39This is a scarf for some poor little refugee in Biafra.
12:42Who do you know over there?
12:44No-one special.
12:45Just anyone who might like a scarf.
12:48Monsignor Stockworth says the nights are very cold out there.
12:51Pay nightlings.
12:52Who's he when he's at home?
12:54My priest.
12:56Oh, God.
12:58Oh, bloody.
13:00Can't do it.
13:02But I can see Sir, though.
13:04Come on, boy!
13:11Stan?
13:16All right, sit down.
13:20Craven, come here a minute, would you?
13:23Blimey, it's you, Sir.
13:25Yeah, we'd almost give you up.
13:28Give is an incorrect participle, Craven.
13:31Come again?
13:32Anyone tell Craven what a participle is?
13:35Yes?
13:36No.
13:37Well, come on, then, don't leave us up in here.
13:39Give those out, will you, Craven?
13:42Right, now, when we talk of something we have done in the past,
13:46we use what is called the past perfect tense of a verb,
13:50and this is made up of two words.
13:52Well, like fell-off?
13:53Yes, fell-offer.
13:54Will you shut up?
13:56Now, the first part of the verb is...
13:59Maureen, what are you doing?
14:01Missionary work, Sir.
14:03Well, let us rather concern ourselves with the thick than the needy.
14:06Put it away.
14:07Now, the first part of the verb is called the auxiliary,
14:10and the second part is called the participle.
14:13For example, I have given,
14:16I have spoken.
14:19Given and spoken are the participles.
14:22Hmm.
14:24Well, can anyone give me an example?
14:26I have knitten.
14:30You can't say that.
14:31Try again, Maureen.
14:33Well, knitted.
14:35I have knitted.
14:36Yes.
14:37And knitted is the particle.
14:39Participle, Maureen.
14:41But otherwise, very good.
14:43Oh, thank you, Sir.
14:48And another example.
14:52I have seen Sharon reading in class.
14:57Is someone talking to me?
14:58Yes, I am. Put that book away at once.
15:00Oh, Sir, let me finish this chapter, please.
15:02Certainly not.
15:03But Jazz has just bitten through his pipes, then,
15:05because Laura's gone back to Mark's villa.
15:07I don't care what Laura's done.
15:09Put the book away.
15:10Well, I'd have done more than bite me pipe in half.
15:12I'd have gone up the villa after her.
15:14Describe myself as a tally man or something.
15:16Then, when she opened the door, I'd have whipped out me case of...
15:20LAUGHTER
15:28Stupid boy, Abbott.
15:30You'll be punished for this.
15:32See me after school.
15:34Shit.
15:38Right.
15:39Now, you have in front of you a sheet of art paper.
15:44True. Very true.
15:47And by tomorrow morning, I want to see an entry from each of you
15:50for the school sketch club.
15:52Oh, Jazz!
15:54Those of you who haven't any paints may borrow some from Mr Dowling.
15:57But he wants them back.
15:59Any questions?
16:00Yeah. What have we done?
16:02This isn't a punishment.
16:04I just want to see you enter into some of the school activities.
16:07Why?
16:09Just look at the opportunities, Duffy.
16:13School isn't just a place for having facts drummed into you.
16:17It's also a place for new hobbies, new interests.
16:21Yeah, come we got slung out of all the clubs, eh?
16:23Yeah, we did.
16:24Because, from what I gather, you didn't enter into the spirit of things.
16:27Trying to grow marijuana in the botany class.
16:30Are you accusing us of knitting that microscope?
16:33I'm not accusing you of anything.
16:35Just as well.
16:36What, Abbott?
16:37Yes, sir.
16:40Look, let's scrub round the past.
16:43Let's try and prove to the rest of the school
16:45just what fives you can really do, eh?
16:48Yeah.
16:49It's not compulsory, is it?
16:51No, exactly.
16:52Oh, well, in that case, sir, we ain't doing it.
17:00Subject closed.
17:01Eh?
17:03Well, we aren't very good drawers, sir.
17:05Just forget it.
17:07That's puffy, isn't it?
17:09No more discussions.
17:11Write this down, would you?
17:13Woods, English grammar, pages 8 to 15.
17:18Answer all questions.
17:19That is tonight's English homework.
17:21Yeah, let's throw it out, sir.
17:23That old moody will be up all night.
17:25I was doing my hair.
17:26I can't do that, sir.
17:28I'll never do that.
17:29Well, I'm afraid you're all going to have to do it,
17:31apart, of course, from those who decide to enter the school sketch club.
17:34There, excuse homework.
17:38Get it involved, miss, how quickly Charles Moran can change, eh?
17:41Bleeding blackmailer.
17:51Oh, come on, darling.
17:52Cough up.
17:53How the hell did Hedges get round you yesterday?
17:55He didn't have to.
17:56For your information, Price,
17:57some of us at Fen Street are vitally interested in the kids.
18:00The way we go about it, he's sometimes misunderstood,
18:02sometimes criticised, but we might have a little bit of support.
18:05Ah, of course.
18:06Doris Rodden-Newell must have given you another rollicking
18:08for doing private work.
18:10God, I wish Millie's Pottery would start selling.
18:13What really intrigues me is how the hell Hedges
18:15got those little swines of his to enter.
18:17Hypnotism?
18:18Well, it could be anything could happen around here.
18:27That's a neat bit of blackmail out of your sheep.
18:30My old man reckons you must be a right fly boy
18:32getting me to paint a picture.
18:34Which one is yours, Duffy?
18:36This one. It's a bit modern.
18:41It's a bit quick as well, I should think.
18:44What's it called?
18:45Sort of a protest against the stresses brought on by modern machines.
18:50Motorcars and that.
18:52What's it called?
18:53Traffic lights.
18:56Red, green, amber.
19:00All right, Duffy, sit down, will you?
19:20This, Abbott, is presumably yours.
19:23You bet your sweet life, baby.
19:27I didn't hear that, Abbott.
19:29Yes, sir.
19:31Dunstable, do you want to leave the room?
19:33No, look at my picture. Look at my picture, sir.
19:36Oh, very well. Which one is your picture, Dunstable?
19:41Do you like it, sir?
19:46Well, very much indeed, Dunstable.
19:50That's my auntie Nora, who lives in the country I go to stay with sometimes.
19:55Yes, that's really very good, Dunstable.
19:59Tell me, didn't you have room to paint your aunt Nora's legs at the bottom?
20:04No, so I done them on the other side.
20:16Yes, now look, Dunstable,
20:20when you don't have enough room, when you're painting a picture,
20:23and there is no room on the...
20:33Well, there you are. Thank you, sir.
20:38Well, that wasn't too painful, was it?
20:41And I'm sure when Mr Dowling sees these, he'll...
20:46Well, I'm sure you've given him something to think about.
20:49Yes.
20:59Yes.
21:06Hmm.
21:12Now, what is it, Dowling? It sounded urgent.
21:14It is. It's your sketch club entries.
21:16Well, look, I know the school shepherd's pie isn't up to much,
21:19but I didn't leave half a mind. I want you to tear them up.
21:21Oh, dross and chaff, old man, dross and chaff.
21:24One of them. Out of this world.
21:27It's the kind of talent I've been waiting for five years to see.
21:30Where?
21:32Luke.
21:39Oh, my God.
21:41Exciting, isn't it?
21:46He's naked.
21:49Typical bourgeois reaction, Hedges.
21:52This picture's a revelation.
21:54And one of my kids has done the revealing. That's the trouble.
21:57Is it, er...
21:59Is it honestly very good?
22:01It's brilliant.
22:03Well, I only hope that Miss Yule's a bit less narrow-minded when she comes.
22:06You idiot. You haven't sent for old Mother Yule.
22:09Consistent heads aren't usually sent for by junior masters, Mr Hedges.
22:14Well, where is this masterpiece?
22:25Heaven's preservers.
22:27Who is the artist?
22:29Well, I don't know. You see, that's the trouble.
22:31It's not signed. Half of them aren't.
22:33But whoever did it is getting ten points for the sketch club,
22:36and this is going on my wall.
22:38Over my dead body.
22:40Typical bourgeois.
22:43No, no, I had the same reaction, Miss Yule,
22:45but we really mustn't be puritanical about the human form,
22:48especially as far as children are concerned.
22:50How kind of you to bring me up to date with child psychology, Mr Hedges.
22:54Has it true artistic value, Mr Darling?
22:57It's the most promising thing I've seen since I've been teaching.
23:00If we can find out who did it, this kid...
23:02Child?
23:04This pupil has probably some great future.
23:06Now, what I suggest...
23:08This is what we should do.
23:10You will take this picture, Mr Hedges,
23:12and you will put it in your briefcase.
23:14You will then lock your briefcase.
23:16You will say nothing of this to anyone.
23:18Discretion is essential.
23:20And find out who did it.
23:22Mr Darling?
23:24Come with me.
23:26There are steps to be taken.
23:28But this is a genuine talent.
23:30Door for a lady.
23:32Hey!
23:39Hedges?
23:41Oh, Hedges.
23:43Come on, you're on playground duty.
23:45Dolly Shule is an unmitigated, selfish, frumpish bitch.
23:49So what's new? Come on, tell Dada what she's done.
23:52I'll tell you what she's done.
23:54I go to the trouble to get my class to enter for the school sketch club.
23:58Ah, how did you manage that?
24:00Yes, then one of them comes up with a great picture,
24:02and our darling tells me it's the best thing he's seen for years.
24:04So obviously one thinks there's some sort of career for the child.
24:07What does old Poe Face say?
24:09Lock it in your case. There are steps to be taken.
24:12What do you think about that?
24:18Oh, I wouldn't mind taking her home for a half-term.
24:21Oh, price!
24:23Come on, Hedges. Come on.
24:26What?
24:29There, there.
24:32Just a minute. Look at the face.
24:34Look at the face!
24:36Hang on, hang on. I haven't got that far yet.
24:42I say, I've seen her somewhere.
24:44So have I. Sitting in my form, it's Sharon Eversley.
24:58APPLAUSE
25:20Price. Price.
25:22You know what this means, don't you?
25:24What, little girls get bigger every day?
25:27Dirty little beast has persuaded Sharon to pose in the nude,
25:30and I'm supposed to find out who it is.
25:32Look, I don't suppose you...
25:34No.
25:36No, I didn't think you would, son.
25:46Yeah, more. What was you...
25:48Duffy. Ah. Now, look, um, Duffy.
25:51Um...
25:53You're...right, yes.
26:00Danstable, you, uh...
26:02You, uh...
26:04No.
26:08Draven. What's the matter now?
26:11I was only smacking her little bum, weren't I?
26:13But you were doing rather more than that
26:15behind the coke bunker during the lunch break, weren't you?
26:18No, I was only snogging. Yes.
26:21Is, uh, is Sharon your young lady, then?
26:24Yeah, more or less, at the moment.
26:26And has your relationship with Sharon gone beyond...
26:30Um, gone beyond, um...
26:33And, um, snogging?
26:35Yeah, knocking it off. That's a bit personal, innit?
26:37I'm sorry, Craven, no, that came out sounding all wrong.
26:40Yeah, as a matter of fact, not yet.
26:43Not yet.
26:45Let me put it another way, Craven.
26:48Uh, do you and Sharon ever go swimming together?
26:55Ah. Uh, well...
26:57Have you taken any photographs of Sharon?
27:01No.
27:03Craven, can I, uh, rely on your discretion?
27:07Ah, Twiggy. Yeah.
27:10Backs a 5B pound a packet. His old man doesn't.
27:14Does what? Dirty photos. That's what you're after, innit?
27:17Craven! Right, all right, yes, thank you.
27:23Have it.
27:43That mean anything to you, does it?
27:46Tarts legs, innit?
27:48Yeah, yeah.
27:50Do you ever, uh, draw anything like that?
27:53Draw? I don't need to draw. I'll go for the real thing myself.
27:57Saw this film once. All these African birds dancing.
28:01Right, yes.
28:05OK, thank you.
28:08Ah, Dowling.
28:10Found out who did it yet, have you?
28:12I've found out how difficult it is trying to find out.
28:15Right, which one of you painted this new?
28:18CHEERING
28:21Discretion is essential.
28:25Here's your artist, Hedges.
28:44There's no need for make-up, Shannon, when we're going to see the headmaster.
28:51It's all right, I saw it.
28:53I don't know, there's some real kids round here, isn't there?
28:56Just cos I drew a picture of meself.
28:58Well, I mean, there's no need to be ashamed of my body, is there?
29:02Certainly...
29:07Ah, yes, you first, Hedges. Thank you, sir.
29:09Wait there, Carol.
29:11Sharon!
29:13Ah, yes, now.
29:15Ah.
29:17Door, Hedges, please. Door, door.
29:19Yes.
29:24Schoolkeeper, sir? As requested.
29:27Would you rather I waited outside, sir?
29:29Oh, that's it, isn't it, eh? Try and sneak out when things come to light.
29:33What on earth are you talking about?
29:35This concerns you, Hedges. I very much regret to tell you that ever since you showed a certain picture to 3C,
29:40the whole school has blossomed out in a rash of pictures and writings of a most obscene nature.
29:46But I didn't show them the picture, sir. Dowring did.
29:49Typical. Passing the book.
29:51It's splitting hairs, Hedges. Bad, bad. On you go, Potter.
29:54Yes, well, now, I've brought along some of the more portable evidence, sir, of the filth that Mr Hedges has caused.
30:00Buckets? Yes, buckets. Just look what's written on it.
30:04Oh, well, I didn't know kids knew about that, sir.
30:11And this lot of paper here, sir, is some of the most obscenest drawings that I've ever come across in my life, sir.
30:18And I was in the desert.
30:20Hedges, Hedges.
30:23Well, I don't see how you can blame me for that, sir.
30:26But you put naked women into these child's minds. What do you expect them to do? Of course they're going to copy.
30:31Surely a certain amount of this sort of stuff is normal at any school.
30:35I'm going to take umbrage to that, sir, if I might.
30:38It is not normal, Mr Hedges, when even the schoolkeeper's garden gnome has filth written on his head.
30:48I was a fairy until I saw Sharon Eversley's bristles.
30:54Bristles? Exactly. They got into my private garden to do that, sir.
30:58Bristles.
30:59Then there's me walls, you know, me boys' toilet walls and me girls' toilet walls, all covered in graphite.
31:05Graffiti, Potter, surely.
31:07Yes, thank you for correcting me, sir.
31:09I've got to ask, Potter, what on earth did they do with your squeegee?
31:14Nothing. I just happened to be on my way to squeegee some of that graphite off me walls.
31:18Poor Potter, very distressing and very serious too, Hedges.
31:21Yes, well, I'd like you to know, Headmaster, that I didn't want to have to bring this matter up, you know.
31:25Of course you didn't, Potter.
31:26No, it's not in my nature, sir, to make trouble.
31:29Of course it isn't, Potter.
31:30Potter, you left this behind.
31:36I shall leave the punishment to you, sir.
31:38Thank you very much, Headmaster, for your time.
31:41I'll say good day to you now, sir.
31:43Good day to you now.
31:50Any old iron? Any old iron?
31:52Little stripper.
31:54Now then, Hedges, well done.
31:57Pardon?
31:58No, no, no, no sulking, punishment over, and I hope no ill feelings on either side.
32:03No, no.
32:04Sit down.
32:05Oh, thank you, thank you.
32:07Now, I have got something very exciting to tell you.
32:12Oh, yes, sir?
32:13I've had Miss Ewell in the Secretary's office most of the afternoon.
32:18Really, sir?
32:21And what happened there was very encouraging.
32:25I'm sure it was, yes.
32:27Ready for me now, Headmaster.
32:29Ah.
32:31Sit down, Ebbersley.
32:36So this is our little Barbara Hepworth.
32:40And what are we going to do with you?
32:43I'll tell you.
32:45Over to you here, Monsieur.
32:47Thank you, Headmaster.
32:49Ebbersley, Mr Darling is convinced we should display an amount of artistic talent.
32:55Oh, well, I've done four years out of my last school.
32:58Now, this can either be fritted away or utilised.
33:01That depends on you.
33:02But a career in commercial art does at least seem a possibility.
33:05What's that?
33:06Ah, fabric designs, scenic designs.
33:08Thank you, Mr Hedges.
33:10Weaving.
33:11Indeed, Headmaster.
33:13Now, at this moment, Mr Darling is making enquiries at an art college.
33:18And if they confirm his assessment of your talent,
33:21it might be possible to transfer you to an art school and, since, to the college.
33:25Mind you, it would mean work, Ebbersley.
33:27Lots of work.
33:28But this could be a genuine opportunity.
33:31Take it, Sharon.
33:32Oh, yes, I will.
33:34An opportunity which needs very careful consideration.
33:38Now, Mr Cromwell has written a letter to your mother.
33:43If you'd be so kind as to sign it, Headmaster.
33:49There.
33:50Thank you.
33:52There you are, Ebbersley.
33:53Now, off you go.
33:55And think.
33:56Think hard.
33:58Thanks ever so much, Monsieur.
34:00Thank you.
34:02That's marvellous.
34:04Absolutely bloody...
34:06No, that's marvellous.
34:08Hedges, you know, when I first suggested to you
34:10that you should get your class to Muck Inmore,
34:12I never expected such an immediate harvest.
34:15Well, I suggested it to you, if you...
34:17Well, I mean, I came to see you in the first...
34:19Well, come along, Mr Hedges.
34:21I'm sure the Headmaster has other schemes to implement.
34:25Oh, well.
34:28Dictionary of Slang.
34:30Now, let's see.
34:33There we are.
34:34Ah, Bristol.
34:37The, um, rhyming Bristol cities...
34:41Oh, my word, how very inventive.
34:47I must say, Michelle, I never thought you had it in you.
34:49Had what in me?
34:50Well, the way you just set to to help Sharon.
34:52I thought you were just annoyed about the picture being a nude,
34:54and that was that.
34:55Whereas I was doing the practical thing for the child,
34:57not indulging in a personal emotional crisis.
35:00Which is exciting, isn't it?
35:02Well, I must admit to a certain inner flutter.
35:05After all, a sea-stream child from Fen Street going to college.
35:09It would be a feather in our caps.
35:11Ah, Mr Darling.
35:14Monsieur.
35:17I've clanged.
35:19You've done what?
35:21Well, I went over to the art college, you know, as we arranged,
35:24but, um, but, um, I don't know how to put this.
35:28Try, you overestimated Sharon's artistic potential,
35:31and she isn't good enough for a place, is that it?
35:34Yes.
35:35Clanged is right.
35:37How could you have been so wrong?
35:39But I've got pressures, too.
35:41I mean, things are pretty strained at home, you know.
35:43Millie can't get her glazing right.
35:46Bullied and misunderstood here,
35:48it's enough to affect anyone's judgment.
35:50Go away, Mr Darling.
35:52But not too far. I shall be seeing you later.
35:55Oh, really.
35:57Well, he really let us down, didn't he?
35:59And what about you?
36:00Yes, me in particular.
36:01I meant what about you letting me down?
36:03Oh, well, I don't really...
36:04All these inquiries, the letter to the girl's parents.
36:07Don't you realise how foolish you make me look in the headmaster's eyes?
36:10But you did that off your own bat.
36:12Don't split hairs.
36:13Well, I must say, Miss Yule,
36:14I don't aim you the job of having to break the news
36:16to Sharon's parents tomorrow.
36:18Don't concern yourself about that,
36:20because I'm not going to.
36:22You are.
36:33Uppet!
36:34I hear you singing in assembly,
36:36and the words of the song are all good gifts around us,
36:38not those big gits who teach us.
36:41All right?
36:42Ah!
36:43Go on. Off to your class.
36:45Oh, hello, Hedges.
36:46Bottom of the morning to you, judging by your face.
36:48Yeah, well, you know what happened yesterday.
36:50It's going to be difficult enough trying to break the news to Sharon's parents,
36:52but it's going in and telling the kids that gets me.
36:54I don't know what I'm going to say.
36:56I don't know what I'm going to say.
36:58Oh, Privet, he's such a soft apus, isn't he?
37:00Oh, no.
37:01And you and your mother must be out of your mind
37:03turning down a chance like that.
37:05Yeah, but as me mum said when I gave her the letter,
37:07just going to college don't guarantee you a good job.
37:10But if I start down the supermarket,
37:12well, that's 11 quid on the table straight off.
37:15Um, Sharon, could I have a word with you, please?
37:19Oh, poor sir.
37:21Oh, poor sir.
37:24Sharon, this is very disappointing.
37:27Oh, you know them?
37:29Big mouths round here, aren't they?
37:31Yes, Mr Dowling told me yesterday.
37:32Oh, I didn't mean he was a big mouth.
37:34Neither did I.
37:35Anyway, he can't have known.
37:37He went round our house last night.
37:39Round your house?
37:40Yeah, when we decided.
37:42Mr Dowling was round your house last night?
37:44No, me and me mum.
37:46Sharon?
37:47Yeah?
37:48What on earth are we talking about?
37:49I don't know, you lost me.
37:50Let's start again.
37:51Um, I've got some very disappointing news.
37:53No, let me tell you mine first.
37:55Well, mum and me,
37:57well, we decided that I don't want to go to college after all.
38:01What?
38:03I thought you'd be shattered.
38:05Yes, yes, I am shattered.
38:07What was your bad news, then?
38:09Ah, well, um,
38:11your essay wasn't very good yesterday.
38:13Is that all?
38:15Yes, I suppose it is, really.
38:17Oh, I nearly forgot.
38:22Well, thanks for all the trouble you took
38:24trying to get me into college and everything.
38:26I'd like you to have this.
38:28Why, Sharon, that's very sweet of you.
38:31It's a painting.
38:33It's not another one of you, is it?
38:35No.
38:37It's you.
39:01APPLAUSE
39:31Thank you.