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00:00:00You want one?
00:00:11No thanks.
00:00:12A bartender that neither drinks nor smokes.
00:00:18If I were in Vegas, I'd have lost money.
00:00:25You a betting kind of girl?
00:00:28Depends.
00:00:33I guess I'm not your average bear.
00:00:36I sensed that about you.
00:00:39How's that?
00:00:40The way I poured you a Jack and Coke?
00:00:45No.
00:00:46When you referenced Baudelaire.
00:00:53Not only did you pick one of my favorite poets, but one of my favorite poems as well.
00:00:58That's when I knew I was going to fuck you.
00:01:03I guess I'm not your average bear either.
00:01:33I guess I'm not your average bear either.
00:02:03Are you from here?
00:02:22Born and raised in beautiful Van Nuys.
00:02:24Are you from L.A.?
00:02:27No, Chicago.
00:02:31What brings you out here?
00:02:34Let me guess.
00:02:36Chicago, big theater town.
00:02:40You work at a bar in Los Angeles.
00:02:43Actor.
00:02:45Nope.
00:02:47No?
00:02:48No.
00:02:51Might have put the farm on that one.
00:02:54So you are a betting kind of girl.
00:02:55Depends.
00:02:58What do you do?
00:03:01I work in the corporate world.
00:03:03Sales.
00:03:05What company?
00:03:07Starbucks.
00:03:09Are you in corporate headquarters or something?
00:03:11No.
00:03:13I work at the Starbucks in Beverly in Detroit.
00:03:16I prefer to do my selling one person at a time.
00:03:20Come in sometime, I'll buy you a latte.
00:03:23Is that what you do?
00:03:25What do you mean?
00:03:27Well, is that it or are you trying to do something else?
00:03:30Everyone out here seems to be trying to do something other than what they're actually doing.
00:03:35No.
00:03:37I'm just a girl who works at Starbucks.
00:03:40I didn't mean for it to come off like that.
00:03:43Not at all.
00:03:45What about you?
00:03:46Is it your life's passion to sling drinks at some shithole in Venice?
00:03:51Oh God, yes.
00:03:55I honed that dream down with my high school counselor.
00:03:59We spent hours upon hours talking about how to achieve my impossible dream.
00:04:04Now I've done it.
00:04:07Thank you.
00:04:16I'm going to go out on a limb here
00:04:18and I'm going to guess that besides being an awesome seller of coffee,
00:04:22you like to read.
00:04:25How did you know that?
00:04:28You just have some psychic creepy superpower.
00:04:33When did you start?
00:04:37My mom used to say that
00:04:41when I was born I asked the doctor for just one more day to read the stranger.
00:04:48She's still about her?
00:04:51No.
00:04:53She passed away a few years ago.
00:04:58I'm sorry.
00:05:03Life.
00:05:09It's bound to kill you sooner or later.
00:05:22This apartment's great.
00:05:27I love old buildings.
00:05:31Hardwood.
00:05:34Old, yes.
00:05:36Great, no.
00:05:40Where do you live?
00:05:43I live in Venice.
00:05:48Where do you live?
00:05:52Hollywood.
00:05:55One of those monstrosities with 40 units.
00:06:00I keep telling myself I'm going to move but I never get around to it.
00:06:04They say it's one of the top three most stressful things in life.
00:06:07What, moving?
00:06:08Yep.
00:06:12You know what the number one fear is of most people?
00:06:17Clowns.
00:06:21Public speaking.
00:06:25Which is psychotic when you think about it.
00:06:29We're more afraid of looking stupid in front of each other than we are of dying.
00:06:40I guess we all feel like we're frauds and we'll be found out.
00:06:45Frauds?
00:06:47Yeah.
00:06:50What I mean is I guess we're all afraid and walking around trying to convince ourselves and each other that we're not.
00:07:00On some fundamental level we know this.
00:07:05How are you today?
00:07:06Good, you?
00:07:07Oh, great.
00:07:10And when what's really happening is my company's cutting back and I'm terrified I might lose my job.
00:07:19We can't tell each other that, right?
00:07:22We can't be honest, God forbid.
00:07:31I guess we all believe that we're the only ones that feel that way so we spend our lives pretending that everything's okay.
00:07:40Now you want me to speak in front of a bunch of people and the terror that somehow I'll be found out, be exposed suddenly just slams me in the face.
00:07:48You know, it overwhelms me.
00:07:53People can be cruel.
00:07:55I can understand not wanting to put ourselves at the mercy of a bunch of retards.
00:08:01To expose ourselves just so others can criticize us and tear us down.
00:08:05I do too.
00:08:08But at some point you have to ask yourself then what's the fucking point?
00:08:13I'm afraid to be who I am.
00:08:16And I can't walk around hiding like everyone else, where does that leave me?
00:08:26You want a drink?
00:08:31I don't drink.
00:08:35Right.
00:08:37A bartender who neither drinks nor smokes.
00:08:48Water?
00:08:49Sure.
00:09:07Thanks.
00:09:27You're very free with your body.
00:09:30Am I?
00:09:33Yeah.
00:09:37Most women are so self-conscious.
00:09:42What you see is what you get.
00:09:45I like it.
00:10:00Do you do this a lot?
00:10:02What?
00:10:04This?
00:10:06Fuck random girls from the bar?
00:10:19No, not really.
00:10:21No, huh?
00:10:24No.
00:10:28What about you?
00:10:30You typically walk into a bar, seduce a bartender and bring them back here and fuck them?
00:10:35Yes.
00:10:43What is this?
00:10:44What's what?
00:10:46Where is this coming from? I thought we were having a good time here.
00:10:48We are.
00:10:50I just want to be clear.
00:10:51Clear about what?
00:10:53About what this is.
00:10:58I'm clear.
00:10:59Are you?
00:11:01Yes.
00:11:04Good.
00:11:06Because I don't want any complications.
00:11:10Neither do I.
00:11:12So we're on the same page.
00:11:16Yes.
00:11:22Good.
00:12:21Good.
00:12:44Good.
00:13:13Good.
00:13:44Good.
00:13:54Good.
00:14:22Good.
00:14:52Good.
00:15:12Good.
00:15:41Sure you like the smoke, huh?
00:15:46I adore it.
00:15:51What if it makes you happy?
00:15:54It can't be that bad.
00:16:01You like Sheryl Crow?
00:16:04She rocks.
00:16:09She sent out Music Close, one of my favorite albums.
00:16:14Second only to August and everything after.
00:16:19Counting Crows were quite possibly my favorite.
00:16:24True poets.
00:16:26Thought they are.
00:16:31Two crows.
00:16:33Interesting.
00:16:38Mythology.
00:16:41The crow is meant to be a guide.
00:16:44It's God's messenger leading people to good.
00:16:48I don't believe in God.
00:16:53Me neither.
00:16:55Well, not a religious one at least.
00:17:00So you believe in a God?
00:17:05I think there's a universal intelligence.
00:17:09I mean, there's so much precise and immutable law in the universe,
00:17:12it's hard for me to believe that something hasn't had a hand in its creation.
00:17:1565 million years ago, a rock from outer space
00:17:18smashed into the rock we currently live on and annihilated most of its species.
00:17:23What is so precise about that?
00:17:26It's all just random.
00:17:28There's no method or conscious choice.
00:17:31People's lives mostly happen to them.
00:17:34There's no guiding force other than the decisions we make,
00:17:37and there are certainly no assurances in that.
00:17:44It's a crapshoot at best.
00:17:47People have horrible shit happen to them all the time in spite of living right.
00:17:51You can do everything right, do all the right things, work really hard,
00:17:55and still never get what you want.
00:17:57Where the fuck is God in that?
00:18:00What about just being born?
00:18:02Abuse, poverty, birth defects.
00:18:05Out of the gate, you're screwed.
00:18:07Where's the divine planning in that?
00:18:10Are you saying God does this on purpose?
00:18:14Anyway, you slice that pie, I don't want a piece.
00:18:16Fuck you very much.
00:18:18We'll stick with the jello.
00:18:20It's not as tasty, but it goes down a lot fucking smoother.
00:18:29Jello.
00:18:38Look, I'm not saying I don't question those things.
00:18:40I do.
00:18:43It pisses me off too.
00:18:51I had a friend once who got really sick out of nowhere.
00:18:54Couldn't figure out what it was.
00:18:57She was in the hospital in and out of consciousness for over a week.
00:19:01I was visiting her.
00:19:04She was sleeping.
00:19:06And I'm sitting there looking at her.
00:19:09And I'm telling God to go fuck himself in my head.
00:19:14I mean, I'm literally cursing God out.
00:19:16Calling him every name in the book.
00:19:19Cocksucker, cunt, whore.
00:19:21And I was furious that this was happening to her.
00:19:27And all that resentment, all that rage had finally bottlenecked on me.
00:19:31And I started crying.
00:19:34I mean, sobbing.
00:19:38And I'm trying to be quiet so I won't wake her.
00:19:43And my chest burns, my throat aches, my eyes are slit.
00:19:49And this whole time, I'm calling God a motherfucker.
00:19:55I'm muttering it just under my breath over and over.
00:19:58Just motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker.
00:20:01It's almost like a Buddhist chant at this point.
00:20:03Just motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker.
00:20:07And I suddenly feel something.
00:20:12You know that feeling you have when someone's staring at you?
00:20:16Only it was times ten.
00:20:20I look down, and she's staring up at me.
00:20:27And she's looking at me in a way I don't think I could articulate.
00:20:33It's her, but it's not her.
00:20:41The purest her.
00:20:48Like if her soul suddenly grew eyes.
00:20:53She says, energy can be neither created nor destroyed, just transferred.
00:20:59This is law.
00:21:04It is infinite intelligence's way of proving we are eternal.
00:21:15And in that moment, I believed it.
00:21:23She was so clear.
00:21:28It was so true in her that it made it undeniable.
00:21:36In that moment, I knew something bigger than me existed.
00:21:40It was real.
00:21:49That's a beautiful idea.
00:21:54But I bet most of the time you don't believe that.
00:21:59I lose touch with it all the time, but isn't that the nature of faith or belief?
00:22:06It doesn't mean that I'm not going to get afraid or lost or confused.
00:22:10It just means at the end of the day, you have that faith to go back to.
00:22:15That knowing that no matter what, no matter how fucked up everything seems to be,
00:22:21things are really okay.
00:22:25Can you honestly tell me that most of the time you know everything is okay?
00:22:31No.
00:22:46Me neither.
00:22:55What happened to her?
00:23:00She died.
00:23:15So you believe in nothing?
00:23:18I believe that if I want something to change, I better get off my ass and do something.
00:23:23At least try.
00:23:26All by yourself?
00:23:28All by my lonesome.
00:23:31It's a delusion to think that we're not alone and on our own.
00:23:35There's a limit to what people are willing to do for you.
00:23:39They've got their own lives to entangle.
00:23:41They can't neglect their own life to help you better yours.
00:23:44It's insane to think that.
00:23:47Do you have any friends?
00:23:50I have friends, yes.
00:23:55If you don't believe people can help each other, why bother?
00:23:59Well, for that matter, are you even really friends?
00:24:02Friends rely on each other.
00:24:05Doesn't sound like you're capable of having friends. Not really.
00:24:09Fuck you.
00:24:12Well, I'm sorry. I guess I should just sit here and keep my mouth shut
00:24:15and agree with everything you have to say.
00:24:18Fuck you.
00:24:23You're a brat, you know that?
00:24:25Am I?
00:24:26Yeah.
00:24:28You have a real meanness in you.
00:24:31It's fine if we don't agree on some things. We don't have to be a bitch about it.
00:24:34Get the fuck out of my house.
00:24:45It's fine if we don't agree.
00:24:48I just don't want you to be mean to me.
00:24:50I don't think that's too much for one fucking person to ask from another.
00:24:54Is life hard enough as it is without people needlessly making it fucking harder?
00:24:58I mean, is it impossible for two grown adults to have a meaningful conversation
00:25:01without someone fucking getting hurt?
00:25:03What's so difficult about that?
00:25:05Two people just expressing a little bit of the truth with each other
00:25:08without blood ending up on the fucking walls.
00:25:10Is that too much to fucking ask?
00:25:31I didn't mean to raise my voice. I'm sorry.
00:25:35It's OK. I understand.
00:25:51I actually had a really good time with you.
00:25:58I think you're really interesting and different. I like that.
00:26:11Thank you for having me over.
00:26:36I'm sorry.
00:26:41It's OK.
00:26:54See you at the bar, I guess.
00:26:59Yeah, sure.
00:27:28Stay.
00:27:58You cook?
00:28:10Yummy.
00:28:12Yeah.
00:28:13Scrambled eggs, dry toast and tap water.
00:28:16Breakfast of champions.
00:28:19Still, I love breakfast.
00:28:22There's something hopeful about it.
00:28:25Start of a new day. Nothing horrible has occurred yet.
00:28:29Man sits over his eggs and there's a sense of possibility in the air.
00:28:33Maybe today will be the day, you know?
00:28:36The day?
00:28:37Yeah.
00:28:39Maybe today will be the day that X happens.
00:28:43For example,
00:28:46maybe today's the day I win the lottery.
00:28:51Maybe today's the day I get that big promotion I've been pining for.
00:28:56Maybe today's the day I use that app cruncher I bought three months ago.
00:29:00Maybe today's the day.
00:29:02I don't want to claw my eyes out of my head every time someone asks for a vanilla latte.
00:29:08Well, yes.
00:29:09Not quite as filled with hope, but that's the general idea.
00:29:13Here's to hoping.
00:29:26Actually, breakfast kind of reminds me of my mother.
00:29:33Every morning I would wake up and go into the kitchen and there would be nothing.
00:29:41My mom usually wouldn't be home.
00:29:44Not because she was an early riser and had to get off to work,
00:29:48but because she was sleeping in her boyfriend of the week's place.
00:29:54My mom loved the boys all right.
00:29:59So I would scavenge around and eat whatever we had.
00:30:07One week I ate a can of peas every day.
00:30:11Breakfast of champions.
00:30:17What about you?
00:30:21I bet you woke up to your mom singing in the kitchen while she cooked you pancakes and bacon
00:30:27and squeezed the orange juice herself.
00:30:34Not quite.
00:30:37But close, though.
00:30:39Only it was my dad, and he did cook, thank you very much.
00:30:45It was my favorite part of the day.
00:30:48My dad cooking, cracking jokes, being silly.
00:30:54He always seemed so happy in the morning.
00:30:57Where was your mom?
00:31:05She died when I was six.
00:31:10I'm sorry. How?
00:31:15I'm sorry. I'm just curious.
00:31:18You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.
00:31:26My mom was a drunk.
00:31:31Apparently she'd go on these benders for two or three days at a time, just disappear.
00:31:40On one of them she met a man at a bar and they decided to go back to his place.
00:31:49On the way there, my mother, she opened the passenger side door and just stepped out.
00:32:01When I was 18, my father sat me down and told me all about her.
00:32:08He said I had a right to know who she was.
00:32:15The longer he talked about her, the more obvious it became that he still loved her.
00:32:21In spite of everything that happened, he still loved her.
00:32:30Crazy.
00:32:34Love isn't logical.
00:32:39No. No, I guess it isn't.
00:32:47Where's your dad? Is he still in Chicago?
00:32:51No. He died about 14 years ago. Lung cancer.
00:33:02Jesus Christ.
00:33:08Life. I'm going to kill you sooner or later.
00:33:38I lied to you before.
00:33:49My mom's still alive.
00:33:54She's still in Van Nuys, but I haven't spoken to her in years.
00:34:01She calls from time to time, tells me how much she loves me and misses me.
00:34:12Anyway, I just thought you should know.
00:34:24Thank you.
00:34:54You're welcome.
00:35:24I love you.
00:35:54I love you.
00:36:24I love you.
00:36:54I love you.
00:37:24Come to me.
00:37:54I love you.
00:37:59I love you.
00:38:04I love you.
00:38:09I love you.
00:38:14I love you.
00:38:44I love you.
00:38:47I love you.
00:38:50I love you.
00:38:53I love you.
00:38:56I love you.
00:38:59I love you.
00:39:02I love you.
00:39:05I love you.
00:39:08I love you.
00:39:11I love you.
00:39:41I love you.
00:39:44I love you.
00:39:47I love you.
00:39:50I love you.
00:39:53I love you.
00:39:56I love you.
00:39:59I love you.
00:40:02I love you.
00:40:05I love you.
00:40:08I love you.
00:40:38Sorry about that.
00:40:43I have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.
00:40:47I haven't cried in, Jesus, I don't know how long.
00:40:53All that talk about the past, I guess.
00:41:14We barely know each other and here I am sobbing in your arms.
00:41:20You probably think I'm some psycho girl who's completely unstable.
00:41:26Oh, I thought that long before you cried.
00:41:34Crying is good.
00:41:36Oh yeah, Dr. Phil?
00:41:38When's the last time you cried?
00:41:42I don't know.
00:41:44Sure you do, come on.
00:41:48I don't know, really.
00:41:53Really?
00:41:55I just cried like a fucking six year old and you can't at least tell me the last time you cried?
00:42:02Fine.
00:42:04It was after my wife left me.
00:42:09You're married?
00:42:12No.
00:42:14I was married, now I'm divorced.
00:42:16How long?
00:42:19How long was I married, how long have I been divorced?
00:42:22Both.
00:42:24We've been divorced for over two years.
00:42:27Kids?
00:42:29No.
00:42:31No kids, she didn't want them.
00:42:34At least not with me.
00:42:36What happened?
00:42:39Why am I always fucking talking about myself?
00:42:42Why am I always telling you my dirty little secrets?
00:42:44How about you tell me something?
00:42:46Tell me something you never told someone else before, how's that?
00:42:49Something you swore you'd take to the grave.
00:42:51I don't have anything like that.
00:42:52Bullshit.
00:42:53Bullshit?
00:42:54Yeah.
00:42:55I'm sure you have at least two of them.
00:42:56Fuck, probably more.
00:42:58What makes you think that?
00:43:01Because at the end of the day, Syd, I get this sneaking suspicion that you and me aren't all that different.
00:43:10I tell you when you tell me about your wife.
00:43:12Ex-wife.
00:43:14Fine, ex-wife. Deal?
00:43:18Deal.
00:43:20And you better not try and bullshit me, I'll know if you're lying.
00:43:23I'm not a fucking liar.
00:43:24Fine, go ahead.
00:43:26Fine, don't rush me.
00:43:29Fine.
00:43:30Fine.
00:43:40Fine.
00:44:01My daddy used to walk me to school every morning.
00:44:05One day, instead of being woken by the sound of his voice, I woke to an empty house.
00:44:11I cried all the way to school.
00:44:14And I sat there, terrified all day something had happened to him.
00:44:24I was too afraid to tell anyone, because for some fucked up reason, I got it in my head that they would blame me.
00:44:34That it was somehow my fault.
00:44:40And I ran. I ran home after school. I mean, I fucking sprinted.
00:44:48I sat on the couch, and I stared at the front door, hoping he would walk through it.
00:44:57Praying he would walk through the door and say,
00:45:00I'm so sorry, beautiful. I'm so sorry I didn't get to walk you to school today. I got called away.
00:45:10I sat there until 12.30 at night, when my mom finally stumbled in.
00:45:18She was usually home by six, but apparently she'd gone out drowning her sorrows with the girls from work.
00:45:25And looking for my dad's replacement.
00:45:28Obviously I knew none of this at the time.
00:45:34I started crying, saying, Daddy's missing.
00:45:45And she looked at me and simply said, Daddy's gone. He left.
00:45:57He never came back.
00:46:09When I finally asked her if he was ever coming back, she just looked at me and shrugged.
00:46:19So I took that as a maybe.
00:46:27And every day, the next two years, I sat at the window with a pair of old binoculars my father had left behind,
00:46:36and I scoured every face that walked by.
00:46:40And I looked into every car that passed.
00:46:42And I looked as far as my eyes could see, searching for him.
00:46:51Looking to see if I could find my daddy.
00:46:58Of course, as you can imagine, I never did.
00:47:01There it is.
00:47:03There's my big, dirty secret I never told anyone.
00:47:07Happy?
00:47:09No.
00:47:13Did you ever see him again?
00:47:14Nope.
00:47:17I don't think I've ever seen him again.
00:47:21I don't think I've ever seen him again.
00:47:25I don't think I've ever seen him again.
00:47:27Did you ever see him again?
00:47:28Nope.
00:47:33I'm sorry.
00:47:35Your turn.
00:47:36Tell me about the misses.
00:47:39We met three years ago.
00:47:41Where?
00:47:42Jesus, what difference does it make?
00:47:44Deal's a deal, motherfucker.
00:47:46I stuck to my end, now pony up.
00:47:48We met during rehearsal for a play.
00:47:50I lied to you too.
00:47:51I am an actor.
00:47:53I knew it.
00:47:55Why lie?
00:47:56Because it opens up the same line of questioning.
00:47:59Oh, you're an actor?
00:48:00Have you done anything I would have seen you in?
00:48:02Which is the stupidest fucking question in the world,
00:48:04because how the fuck do I know what you've seen?
00:48:08Then I have to face the truth that I've been out here for ten years
00:48:10and I haven't really done anything.
00:48:13No TV.
00:48:15No movies.
00:48:17No sex.
00:48:18No TV.
00:48:20No big films, just...
00:48:23theaters and non-union films and lots and lots of shitty student films.
00:48:28So what's wrong with that?
00:48:29Because it disgusts me.
00:48:31I'm disgusted by that, okay?
00:48:33I'm embarrassed and ashamed by it, alright?
00:48:36Alright.
00:48:42So to get back to your question, we met three years ago and got married.
00:48:46For how long?
00:48:49Eleven months.
00:48:51Whoa.
00:48:52You really stuck it out.
00:48:54Hey.
00:48:55Hey, just because your dad left you, don't go fucking assuming I ran away, okay?
00:48:58Because I didn't.
00:49:00She left me, alright?
00:49:01Alright.
00:49:02She left me.
00:49:03Alright.
00:49:04She left me.
00:49:05Okay.
00:49:08I can't do this. I'm sorry.
00:49:10What's this?
00:49:12We're just talking.
00:49:13Yeah, sure.
00:49:15Oh, I see.
00:49:16You mean then somewhere deep down inside,
00:49:18Lil' Ol' Sid is just some needy bitch who wants you to be her boyfriend.
00:49:22Look.
00:49:25I like you.
00:49:27I really do.
00:49:29But I just can't be in something right now.
00:49:31I just don't want to.
00:49:33Well, who the fuck asked you to, you presumptuous fuck?
00:49:37I don't want anything more from you than a couple of orgasms.
00:49:40And what makes you think I want to be with some 40-year-old fucking bartender anyway?
00:49:44Don't.
00:49:45Don't be fucking mean.
00:49:48You know what I think?
00:49:50I think I was right before.
00:49:52I think you should go.
00:49:57Yeah, sure.
00:50:10Fuck.
00:50:40I'm sorry.
00:51:01That was shitty of me. I'm sorry.
00:51:05No biggie.
00:51:07Yeah, well, I'm sorry.
00:51:11I think you're great, really.
00:51:16Most people, 20 minutes in, I want to set myself on fire.
00:51:21You're different.
00:51:24Glad to hear it.
00:51:25Get out.
00:51:33No.
00:51:37I'm sorry.
00:51:42No, I think I'm going to stay.
00:51:45It's really not your fucking decision to make now, is it?
00:51:47Get out!
00:51:52Nope.
00:51:54Come on.
00:52:06Wow.
00:52:09You are precious.
00:52:13One minute you're telling me you don't want anything to do with me,
00:52:15and the next you're refusing to leave my house?
00:52:17That's a very glass-less, half-empty kind of way of looking at it, don't you think?
00:52:22You want to know what I think?
00:52:24I'm sure in the next 20 seconds I'll have an idea.
00:52:29I think you have exactly 10 seconds to put those shoes back on
00:52:32and get the fuck out of my house before something bad happens to you.
00:52:39Can't we just go back to the part where all you want from me are some orgasms?
00:52:42Because I really start to hate it.
00:52:44Okay, sport, out!
00:52:47I'm sorry about earlier, I am.
00:52:49I'm sure you are.
00:52:51But I'm through with you, so out you go.
00:52:53Fine.
00:52:54But look, I didn't mean what I said, I was upset.
00:52:56I'm serious.
00:52:57I'm done with you.
00:52:58What the fuck, see?
00:52:59Come on.
00:53:00I'm done.
00:53:01Me, not you.
00:53:02Me!
00:53:03Fuck!
00:53:07What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?
00:53:09Fuck!
00:53:11Fuck!
00:53:12What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?
00:53:13Fuck!
00:53:19Fuck.
00:53:42Fuck.
00:54:12Fuck.
00:54:43Fuck.
00:55:05You don't have to go if you don't want to.
00:55:13Fuck.
00:55:18I lied to you before when I told you I just worked at Starbucks.
00:55:24I write.
00:55:26I want to be a writer.
00:55:30I don't know why I'm telling you now.
00:55:33I guess I thought you should know.
00:55:39Why'd you lie?
00:55:43Same as you.
00:55:47In all these years, I've never published a single thing.
00:55:53Not one word.
00:55:58I'm sorry.
00:55:59I don't know what that's like.
00:56:02Fuck.
00:56:10I'm sorry I freaked out on you.
00:56:13I didn't mean to hit you.
00:56:18It's okay.
00:56:22Stay.
00:56:31On one condition.
00:57:02It's great.
00:57:07You don't have to say that.
00:57:10I'm serious. It's great.
00:57:14You're a great writer.
00:57:20Have you submitted it anywhere?
00:57:22No.
00:57:24Are you crazy? Why not?
00:57:26Are you crazy? Why not?
00:57:31I just can't take another no.
00:57:34I can't.
00:57:48What are you doing?
00:57:49Shh.
00:57:52What's your last name?
00:57:54Why?
00:57:55Because.
00:57:57What are you doing?
00:57:58What's your last name?
00:58:01Let me see.
00:58:04Last name, please.
00:58:06Do I have to get my bat again?
00:58:07If you want, but it's not going to stop me.
00:58:10I'm submitting this to the New Yorker.
00:58:11No. Come on.
00:58:14No, Sid. I'm submitting this.
00:58:16All right, this needs to be seen. Other people have the right to see this.
00:58:19And when they say no, or worse, I hear absolutely nothing.
00:58:23What then?
00:58:25Then we try somewhere else.
00:58:26We?
00:58:29Yes, we.
00:58:31I've officially made myself your agent.
00:58:34Hey, pal. Based on what you told me about your career, that's like winning a bag of shit.
00:58:41That's nice. That's very nice language.
00:58:43Thank you.
00:58:47You know the difference between you and me?
00:58:49Vagina?
00:58:52Yeah. And I haven't given up.
00:58:55Wow.
00:59:14Williamson.
00:59:19Spell, please.
00:59:21W-H-I-L-E-M-S-O-N.
00:59:29Is Sid short for Sidney?
00:59:31Sidhartha.
00:59:38My dad loved books, too.
00:59:44It's a beautiful name.
00:59:48Thank you.
00:59:51Email?
00:59:55Sidw at me dot com.
01:00:09Congratulations. We've just submitted your short story to the New Yorker.
01:00:17Thank you.
01:00:20You're welcome.
01:00:31You know what's so funny?
01:00:37When I first started writing, I was ecstatic about all of it.
01:00:41The research, the rewriting, the long hours, the confusion.
01:00:52The times when the characters start saying things you never anticipated.
01:00:58I loved it all.
01:01:02I even loved the submitting.
01:01:04The rejection didn't matter.
01:01:07Because I was doing what I loved to do.
01:01:10I was doing what I knew in my heart was right.
01:01:14I just knew I would win out.
01:01:18I knew I would publish.
01:01:25The idea of not making my living as a writer...
01:01:33of not getting to share my stories with the world...
01:01:38was ludicrous.
01:01:49Now...
01:01:55four novels...
01:01:5962 short stories...
01:02:04two screenplays...
01:02:07and notebook upon notebook of poetry later.
01:02:16The idea of writing...
01:02:25just the idea of it...
01:02:27hurts.
01:02:34Have you ever been in with Psychic?
01:02:40With Psychic?
01:02:42Yeah.
01:02:44Are you fucking kidding me?
01:02:47I went to one once. She totally helped.
01:02:50Did she now?
01:02:52Yeah.
01:02:55It was kind of crazy.
01:02:57Creepy.
01:02:59The way she was staring at me.
01:03:01The intensity of her eyes.
01:03:03It was unsettling.
01:03:05Yeah?
01:03:07Did she tell you you were going to be rich and famous
01:03:10and then rape you for a hundred bucks?
01:03:12No.
01:03:14Not even close.
01:03:17She's staring at me.
01:03:19And she finally says...
01:03:22you were a dog in a past life.
01:03:26Seriously.
01:03:28And I say...
01:03:29seriously.
01:03:30And I say...
01:03:31okay.
01:03:32And she goes...
01:03:34you were hit by a car and you broke your collarbone.
01:03:37Dogs have collarbones.
01:03:39Apparently.
01:03:41And then she says...
01:03:42you still have scar tissue and calcium deposits on it to this day.
01:03:46And you know what?
01:03:49She was right.
01:03:50I do.
01:03:52Get the fuck out of here.
01:03:54Seriously.
01:03:55Here.
01:03:56Look.
01:04:00Here.
01:04:06Cocksucker!
01:04:07Cocker Spaniel, actually.
01:04:24The sun's coming up.
01:04:30I want to see you again.
01:04:34Do you?
01:04:37Yes.
01:04:39Why?
01:04:41Because I like you.
01:04:45I like you a lot, Siddhartha.
01:04:49And so we see each other again.
01:04:51Then what?
01:04:55I don't know.
01:04:57What?
01:04:59We start dating?
01:05:02Are we gonna date?
01:05:04Maybe, yeah.
01:05:11What's wrong with that?
01:05:13I thought you said you didn't want to be in anything right now.
01:05:16Isn't that what you said?
01:05:18I changed my mind.
01:05:20Oh, and how do I know a few weeks from now you won't change your mind again?
01:05:23How do I know that?
01:05:27I guess you don't.
01:05:29Exactly.
01:05:31Exactly.
01:05:49I've never felt this way before.
01:05:51I've never felt this way before.
01:05:54What way?
01:05:59I've never felt the way I feel about you before.
01:06:06I've never just met someone and felt so drawn, so connected.
01:06:21I don't feel the same way, I understand.
01:06:24I mean, it's okay, maybe I'm off base or something.
01:06:26No.
01:06:29I feel the same way.
01:06:34Then this is rare, right?
01:06:38This is something we shouldn't just shut the door on, should we?
01:06:45What if we're wrong?
01:06:46What if our feelings are wrong, or worse, temporary?
01:06:56Huh? What then?
01:07:01I don't know, Cyd.
01:07:05I want to try.
01:07:17Cyd.
01:07:29I thought you were a betting kind of girl.
01:07:35Depends.
01:07:46Okay.