Category
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AnimalsTranscript
01:00This is Space. I work here in the 24th and a half century.
01:16That is, since they defrosted me, after they accidentally defrosted me 351 years ago.
01:22Oh, I'm so lucky. I joined the Earth Galactic Protectorate and they gave me my own possession.
01:30Oh yes, that Protectorate is a great thing for you. It destroys the Earth from the attack of the Martians.
01:37They do a lot of other good things, but not today. Today they want to convict me and throw me in jail.
01:45Peace! Peace! I demand peace in the court! Who is accusing this Protectorate citizen?
01:52I am, Your Honor, Captain Star Johnson. I accuse Patka Frk for the grave inability and avoidance of duty in the fight against the Martians.
02:02Patka Frk is a liar!
02:04I call the doctor, he knows everything, as a witness.
02:06Listen, old man, don't forget about my 60 years of volunteer work.
02:11You are the Chief Scientist of the Galactic Protectorate, aren't you?
02:16I don't know, I'm guilty, I'm guilty.
02:19Don't judge yourself, judge Patka.
02:24Oh, yes, of course. It's strange how unclean conscience plays with a man.
02:28Can you explain your role in this matter?
02:31Well, I think I'm somehow responsible for all of this.
02:36Not in a punitive way, I mean, I revived Patka from the state of prolonged animation.
02:42I was able to bring him back to life with the help of science of the 24th and half century.
02:46Yes, the future is dark.
02:47After that, I secured him the position of the Captain of the space ship for the Protectorate.
02:52And what was your motive for that?
02:54Well, he is especially poor.
02:56What is from the past brings a different, special perspective,
02:59which is often in the films of science fiction.
03:01What orders would you give Patka on the 23rd of July this year?
03:05Patak has received an important task, a visit to the Moon.
03:09Honorable case, as your first evidence,
03:11I would show a hologram recording of that case.
03:25Oh, Manfred, then love is nothing.
03:28Oh, what a game.
03:30Captain?
03:31What?
03:32Isn't that consciousness telling us to watch out for Martians?
03:35Of course it is.
03:38But I don't see any Martians.
03:40Well, I think we should, you know, actively search for the enemy fleet.
03:44And if you actively search my personal storehouse and find that strange smell?
03:50But Captain...
03:51That would be all.
03:52I will give him that strange smell.
03:54I hear you.
04:03Centurion robots, is the fleet in position?
04:06Yes, Commander.
04:07They are hiding over there on the side of the Moon.
04:09Law.
04:16Commander, we have discovered the space ship of the Protectorate.
04:19What?
04:20What?
04:51Ignition!
04:53Ignition!
05:21Are you hurt?
05:22Uh, I think I'll be...
05:25Okay.
05:26Not on you, you little twat, on the ship!
05:28Oh, the ship is in the coma.
05:39Can you enter the defensive lines of the Earth with the help of that lever?
05:43That would be...
05:45Don't laugh.
05:48I'm already working.
05:49You can do it.
05:50Now get away, professional.
05:53I just need to press a few buttons.
06:00Quick, the Martians are behind us!
06:06And the shield is ready to be destroyed.
06:08Now!
06:14Oh, you destroyed the shield.
06:16And that means that the Earth is doomed to ruin.
06:20That brings us to the second thing.
06:22Frk's shield disappeared during a massive Martian attack.
06:28The only thing that saved us was a strange misfortune on the Martian ship.
06:32Sentence!
06:33Based on what?
06:35Based on me as a strange misfortune.
06:38Why are you saying that?
06:40You'll see when I explain my sentence to you.
06:43I call my only witness, the Queen of Mars!
06:53I hope that guy knows what he's doing.
06:58I present to you Her Majesty, the Queen of Mars!
07:02Thank you for attending the hearing of court 73.
07:07Please take your seat.
07:09It seems that he knows what he's doing.
07:11My black-haired beauty, please present yourself to the court.
07:14I don't have black hair.
07:16My hair is white like snow.
07:18Don't do the Martian tricks now!
07:21And don't make a fool of yourself!
07:23I am the Queen of Mars.
07:25Aha, so you were somehow familiar to me.
07:27And you called me here, Captain Frk?
07:30Oh yes, I did.
07:31I really hope he knows what he's doing.
07:33Your Majesty, when I called you to sit in front of this court,
07:38I asked you to take a copy of the hologram notes from your main ship.
07:42Did you take them?
07:44Yes, I did.
07:45Lady Igo, you will see a compilation of hologram notes,
07:49a protectorate and a Mars rover that will reveal the truth.
07:53Look at that screen and be prepared for surprise.
07:58That means that Earth is doomed to ruin!
08:02Not while I'm here.
08:04Let's see.
08:05Maybe we have a special weapon.
08:07Yes, that's in the pantry.
08:09473,000 kilos of potatoes from Lika.
08:12Potatoes?
08:13Yes, yes, potatoes.
08:16Do you really think Earth will be ruined?
08:18Maybe.
08:19Or maybe it won't.
08:21Wait for me in the pantry.
08:23Bring a knife and a potato.
08:26Commander, Earth is defenseless.
08:28Our five minutes are up.
08:30Excellent!
08:31We are blocking the cities with antimatter missiles.
08:34Turn on the weapons!
08:37No.
08:38I wanted to say that it's time for my brother's robots to go on strike.
08:42We haven't had a day off in years.
08:45First, destroy Earth, and then we'll have a day off.
08:49We will do it.
08:51How heavy is Agulim, Captain?
08:54244,323 kilos, sir.
08:57228,670 more to go.
09:04Super cool, go on.
09:08Target, Earth's cities.
09:13Earth's cities targeted.
09:19I'm getting closer to the Mars ship.
09:21Is that potato ready, kid?
09:23It's coming, the last one.
09:27I have only one chance.
09:29Listen to your inner voice.
09:31No, I'd rather use an external computer.
09:38Weapons are ready, Commander.
09:40On my mark.
09:42I want to enjoy this moment.
09:45Target in range.
09:48Fire!
09:54Fire!
10:07Fire!
10:12Yippee!
10:14I can do it.
10:17And now, instead of destruction and chaos,
10:21a salty chip has fallen from the sky,
10:24thanks to your swift fall.
10:29Attention, judges.
10:31The trial is not over until I make a decision.
10:34And in the case of the fall of the ship,
10:36I consider it to be...
10:42100%...
10:44Invalid.
10:47Bravo!
10:49Salty chips?
10:51Why didn't you tell me he was such a tactical genius?
10:54Who told you?
10:56Well, I don't know what to tell you.
10:59Maybe you are the great captain of the Protectorate.
11:02What?
11:03I just got a bill for the planetary cleaning of the chips.
11:06You owe us 408 million trillion astrodollars.
11:10I think you will work night and weekends for the next 150 years.
11:16Well, at least I won't be unemployed.
11:33Are you sure, King?
11:34There is no help here.
11:36I don't remember this situation.
11:39Well, that's it.
11:40Two cars and two men on the base.
11:42Swing and a kick.
11:44Critical hit.
11:45S.O.S.
11:47What?
11:48Give it back!
11:49Give it back!
11:52Our world is being conquered by enemy lifeforms
11:54who want to destroy all life on our planet.
11:57Save us from terrible fate.
11:59We beg you, do your duty as the Protectorate.
12:02You got the right guy.
12:04What was that?
12:05Advertisement for Kikriki.
12:07That's weird. I think it was a call for help.
12:10I think you really screwed up.
12:13We are receiving a critical hit. S.O.S.
12:16I think I really screwed up.
12:21Kikriki.
12:27Little one, I landed on the surface of the planet.
12:30Can you hear me?
12:31I'm here, Captain.
12:33Wonderful.
12:35A real candy from the ground.
12:38Oh, who didn't clean it up after Rex?
12:42Captain is pooping again.
12:44My new boots are shiny.
12:47Hey, we're here.
12:49We brought you the candy.
12:51To the basement!
12:52We are refugees and we called for help.
12:54There are some nasty, nasty, horrific, nasty, ugly, hideous,
12:59ugly, bad guys.
13:02I told you that they were awful, they looked like pudding.
13:07A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Boss!
13:09Can we get started?
13:11Of course, babe.
13:12Hard rock can be hard to hit.
13:16This won't do!
13:17What's wrong with you?
13:18Come here, you little rascal!
13:20But we are...
13:22...hunters!
13:23Like in the amusement park!
13:27Yippee!
13:30The target is at 12 o'clock!
13:32You didn't understand!
13:35I know what you're thinking now.
13:37Did he burn all the candles or just five?
13:40But because of the explanation of the head injury,
13:42I don't remember anything.
13:44That's why I have to ask you a question.
13:46Are you happy, you bastard?
13:51Oh, I'm sorry I burned you, Captain.
13:54You killed me!
13:56You could have killed me, you ugly bastards!
13:59That's what I did to you!
14:03We were just trying to talk to you.
14:05We didn't think you were stronger.
14:07We didn't ask for help.
14:09You know, you should have told me something before I started blabbering.
14:14But we...
14:15Well, if you're not the conquerors, then who are you?
14:20They are...
14:23They are kusinoids.
14:24And we have to stop them before the sun sets.
14:27But why, you ugly bastards?
14:29I will investigate this...
14:31...personally!
14:33Wait, I'm coming!
14:40And now let's find Captain Frkuk.
14:42Everything will be fine.
14:43Stay cool.
14:44Sorry, that's what they say.
14:46I'm sorry, dear creatures.
14:48But have you seen Captain Frkuk?
14:50No, since he considered us conquerors and drove around like a boat,
14:53shooting at us with his stupid freezing air,
14:55which mostly threw us out of the ship, especially women, children, the elderly, the weak and the sick.
14:59And then he left us so he could hang out with the evil conquerors.
15:03Good old Captain Frkuk.
15:05Do you know where he is?
15:06He is with them, with the kusinoids.
15:08And in great danger.
15:10Because when the sun sets, they will change.
15:13Change?
15:15That doesn't sound good.
15:17Quick, do something before it's too late.
15:20Too late?
15:21Yes, too late.
15:25We've only known each other for six and a half hours,
15:29but I already feel a spiritual connection with you,
15:33despite your name.
15:35Rice?
15:39Okay, I'll call you Sweetie.
15:43Potatoes, carrots and onions.
15:45Now I know what it feels like to be baked.
15:50Great feeling.
15:54Listen, this is a little fun.
15:57Thank you.
15:58You're a little happy, aren't you?
16:01Mama warned me that she's not like you.
16:05C-C-C-Captain is in a hurry.
16:07He'll get better.
16:09What's that?
16:10More potatoes?
16:12Thank you, Sweetie.
16:13Each one is prettier than the previous one.
16:16Just go ahead, my flower.
16:21Your beauty overshadows me.
16:24Good day.
16:25Where are you speaking from?
16:26You're Croatian.
16:27Of course I speak, Captain.
16:28For God's sake, tell me your name.
16:30But that's me, Preparator.
16:32You won't believe me, but you have the same name as my brother-in-law.
16:36But that's me, I just have a wig.
16:39So do I.
16:40Actually, that's a very expensive wig from the National Hair Salon.
16:44Where did you get yours?
16:46Well, I made it from a cow I found in the woods.
16:50You've spoiled me, I'll pay you a thousand.
16:54Captain, we're off topic.
16:56Do you remember Preparator?
16:58Barely.
16:59Come on, try harder.
17:00Come on.
17:01Now you're in front of me.
17:03I am.
17:04Do you see any similarities?
17:06No, none at all.
17:08Come on, try harder, concentrate.
17:13That's you!
17:14Y-y-yes.
17:15You're a woman?
17:18No, I just broke through so I could pull this thing and save you.
17:24But I don't want to be saved.
17:26I decided to start a new life here, with these girls.
17:30But they're not girls.
17:32Do you think I don't know the difference between real girls and liars?
17:36Y-y-yes.
17:37Girls, take the toxin to the mouth.
17:40Time to move to plan B.
17:46I'll use that toxin.
17:48But I can't just go and warn Captain Ferk, he'll notice.
17:54I don't get it.
17:55C-c-captain Ferk said he checked all the weapons and that everything is in perfect order.
18:04Stop it!
18:05Don't you see?
18:06Don't check!
18:09Oh boy.
18:15I didn't plan it like that, but I have to warn him.
18:19Oh boy, he's laughing.
18:20He's starting to work.
18:21Promise you'll always be so sweet.
18:26I'm a happy duck.
18:29C-c-captain Ferk!
18:31I came to warn you.
18:32Warn us what?
18:33No, no, no.
18:34Those ugly dimisoids.
18:36Those girls.
18:37They're not as sweet as they seem.
18:40They're ugly monsters.
18:42They will, they will, they will tear you to pieces.
18:47And eat you.
18:53That's a very horrible ritual.
18:56If they do that to me,
18:59what will they do to you?
19:02There will be a lot of,
19:05a lot of screaming.
19:07A lot of pain.
19:09Then the protectors will have to,
19:12have to tie my little one.
19:16Oh boy,
19:17it's better if I disappear.
19:20It's better to run as much as your legs carry you.
19:25I think it's time for me to pull out the boy's baton.
19:35The sunset is so beautiful.
19:37I can't wait to get my make-up on
19:39and take it on at a time like this for the rest of my life.
19:45I love it when it's not raining.
19:59What do you say to a kiss?
20:01What do you say to a kiss?
20:05Come on heart, kiss me once.
20:09Oh, what a kiss.
20:15Do it if you need some butter.
20:17Do it if you need some butter.
20:18Do it if you need some butter.
20:31Do it if you need some butter.
20:3848.2 kilometers,
20:40a new personal record.
20:46And now, bye bye.
20:57I think you have a flat tire.
21:01I think you have a flat tire.
21:10You're a monster!
21:13And the Androids from Chicago have blown up
21:15the Transformers from the galaxy.
21:18Oh, yuck.
21:19I'm sure I overslept.
21:21I was dreaming.
21:22I was dreaming.
21:23I was dreaming.
21:24There were weird girls here
21:26who were talking weird
21:27and turned into huge caterpillars.
21:30Man, it was horrible!
21:32Don't worry,
21:33it was just a bad dream.
21:35And a dream can't come true.
21:37I was scared.
21:38When I saw that terrible thing,
21:40I thought it could be real.