Back To School (1986) Comedy

  • last month
Thornton Melon, a wealthy but uneducated businessman, attends his son's school as a student in order to discourage him from dropping out due to his bad grades.
Transcript
00:00:00You
00:00:30I was
00:01:00I
00:01:30You call this a report card
00:01:33What kind of Marx is these?
00:01:36How are you gonna go to college with Marx like these? I don't want to go to college
00:01:40I want to work in the shop with you. You want to work in the shop with me, huh?
00:01:44Listen to me. I say that once and I say it again
00:01:48I don't care how rich or successful a man is if he don't got an education. He's got enough
00:01:54Try pop. I can't do it then try harder
00:02:00And do anything in life you wanna do remember you're a baloney
00:02:30You
00:03:00You
00:03:30You
00:04:00You
00:04:20Hi there, are you a large person pleasantly plump a little on a hefty side perhaps well, let's face it
00:04:26Are you fat when you go jogging you leave potholes when you make love you have to give directions
00:04:31At the zoo do elephants throw you peanuts. Do you look at a menu and say, okay?
00:04:36Well now you can eat all you want because that thought and melons torn fat stores. We've got you covered
00:04:41That's right fine woolen and woolen blend suits and sport coats and all the larger sizes
00:04:46Husky stop extra stuff at the new Hindenburg line and for you ladies
00:04:51We have caftans booboos and our own exclusive a frame in all colors and patterns
00:04:55Yes, we have miles and miles of fabric. So take it from me Thornton melon
00:05:00If you want to look fit you hang out with fat people
00:05:04Georgian melons pollen fat 150 locations across America
00:05:08Look, you see the new spot. Yeah, I seen it. Do I look fat in it? You can lose a couple of pounds. I
00:05:15Gotta get bigger actors
00:05:21I'll feel you hold some of my calls
00:05:29Morning everyone
00:05:32Take it easy. We can take it easy and don't get any on the wall
00:05:37Okay, folks
00:05:39What's up, mr. Mellon? We have a serious offer on your commercial property in South, Florida and
00:05:45We feel you should sell no hold it for one more year
00:05:48Take the depreciation then transfer title to the California Corporation show. It is a capital gain. We should do great
00:05:57What else the toy division has come up with a new doll idea to go along with our children's clothing line
00:06:03We call them
00:06:04Melon patch kids now the competition exploits the notion that their dolls are orphans
00:06:11The melon patch kids are not orphans. They're abandoned
00:06:17We think it's a winner, okay go with it, but keep the unit cost under five bucks
00:06:22And last year we took a bath in those chubby tubby tub toys
00:06:25Jason's on the phone Jason
00:06:27Okay, everybody. Take a break
00:06:31Excuse me, mr. Mellon, but we have a very long agenda later. My son's on the phone, but mr. Mellon
00:06:38Oh
00:06:42Jason how are you? How you doing? How's the diving going? Oh, it's great. Well, we just finished up practice
00:06:48Oh, keep it up. Keep it up and if eternity I'll bet you having fun in the fraternity, huh?
00:06:54Yes, great, that's great. That's great. Great. Hey, you're not doing too much. Are you you studying?
00:07:00Well right now we're between semesters. So classes don't start up again for another week. No classes then come home tonight
00:07:07Your mother and I having a big party
00:07:09Whoa, whoa dad dad. She's not my mother. She's your wife and
00:07:16Okay, let's not start that again
00:07:18I'll tell you what. I'll come up there to see you know that bad bad idea
00:07:23I got up this big dive me coming up. I got I got a practice. I wouldn't have any time to see you
00:07:27It's a rotten time. Okay, I understand look dad. I promise I'll come down for visiting next break again. Okay. All right
00:07:35Look I gotta go. Okay. Okay. Jason. Take care of yourself. I love you
00:07:41Yeah, I love you, too. All right
00:07:43Melon I told you to clean my locker
00:07:46Now if it's too much for you, we're gonna have to get ourselves a new towel boy, right?
00:07:49Look, I'm sorry Chaz. I I'll get on as soon as I can. Okay
00:08:05Oh
00:08:10Sweet home I like the old house better
00:08:13So did I I like your old wife better to lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache
00:08:18Lou, I can't believe it married five years. She was like yesterday
00:08:23You know what a lousy day yesterday was
00:08:25Please don't throw your clothes on the broiler chair. How come all our furniture has names. I have absolutely nothing to wear
00:08:33You got six closets full of nothing to wear
00:08:36Are you saying I spent too much money? You spent too much money?
00:08:39No, a lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed
00:08:44You have no taste Thornton
00:08:47You're right. I married you tonight. Look, I don't have time to argue with you. I'm just gonna go to bed
00:08:52You're right, I married you tonight look I don't have time to argue our friends will be here any minute you mean your friends
00:08:58They are my friends and I'd like to keep them. So please just behave yourself tonight. Don't worry if the roast beef is right
00:09:04They'll be back
00:09:11Jennifer you look divine and Peter. Well, I thought you were still in Portofino. Now. Why haven't you called?
00:09:21For Ramon, you look fantastic. That's what you were still in Tijuana. Excuse me, sir. You're nothing sir
00:09:30Give me a beer. I'm sorry, sir. You're all we have is martinis and jump on
00:09:35My own house. I can't get a beer
00:09:38Mrs. Malone gave a strict orders. No Sylvester. It's all right. I'll get it myself
00:09:51Hey
00:10:01Adam and evil
00:10:05Mr. Mellon
00:10:06we was just
00:10:08looking for some
00:10:10Cocktail napkin. Hey way under her dress. You're impossible. You are easy
00:10:16I
00:10:21Love
00:10:22Mr. Mellon, your wife was just showing us her Clint you too, huh? She's showing it to everybody. Well, she's very proud of it
00:10:30I'm proud of mine, too. I don't go waving around at parties though. It's an exceptional painting Oh painting
00:10:37Okay, drink up. Enjoy yourself. I
00:10:39I
00:10:44Hate small food
00:11:09I
00:11:15Learned this in Europe
00:11:24Coming through hot stuff
00:11:28Martin I'd like you to meet mr. And mrs. Stuyvesant. All right, right. How do you do Thornton?
00:11:36All right
00:11:40I just
00:11:45Nevermind I got my own kids. All right
00:11:50Millicent you look charming. I love your dress
00:11:54Don't you Thornton? It's such a lovely shade of green
00:11:57Yeah, if that dress had pockets you'd look like a pool table
00:12:00You should try my tall fat stores. No offense
00:12:03I
00:12:07Speak to you privately, please
00:12:14Watch my sandwich me I
00:12:18Can't take any more of this you've insulted our friends you've insulted
00:12:22Me and you got out of your way to ruin this party party you kid
00:12:25That's a dog show out there your friends to come here for free food free booze and a suck up to you for donations
00:12:31You have no class Thornton and I am tired of it. I
00:12:35Want a divorce divorce? I knew we had something in common. Yes, I'm these oh
00:12:42Oh, I'm afraid it's not gonna be that easy honey. This is gonna cost you plenty
00:12:50Vanessa let's talk about class. All right
00:12:53Here's you and George. You're in a guest room. Look classy, isn't it?
00:12:57Here's you and George you're in a rumpus room another classy one, huh? Oh this one I can't figure it out. There's you there's Giorgio
00:13:04What's with the midget over here?
00:13:06Hey, wait, I got more
00:13:08I
00:13:26Feel like I just got paroled I'll tell you what bothers me. I'll let her come between me and Jason
00:13:32Lou
00:13:34Pack our bags
00:13:38We're going up to that college to see my son
00:14:08Lucky
00:14:20Boy will Jason be surprised. Hey, look there's Greek letters
00:14:38Oh
00:14:45Is that an Amiga or unicorn beats me don't you know any Greek the only Greek guy who owns a coffee shop on State Street
00:14:52Jimmy Pizzos, remember him? He had an ugly wife for the kids and good coffee
00:14:57Wait here. I'll try this
00:15:08Oh
00:15:36Perfectly understandable, mr. Mellon
00:15:38Mistake, let's just call it a bad day. Yeah, but a great view
00:15:42You're all right officer. Hey a little something for the kids. Okay, take that. It's okay. I don't have any kids
00:15:47No, cuz we're here get yourself some kids. We're here. Take it all. All right, and just remember the best thing about kids is making
00:15:55Even if I do manage to graduate, haha, what do I do then?
00:15:59I mean, it's the private sector, but look how bad the job market is today, you know, there's Valerie doesn't
00:16:09Look how tight her asses
00:16:13You think there's any way she would ever go out with me
00:16:17No, oh
00:16:19Thanks seats this whole stupid capitalist system, you know
00:16:22I mean it's set up to keep
00:16:23rewards on the advantage and the aggressive and just like to make sure they're like two regular schmoes like you and me never get a
00:16:28date with girls like Valerie Desmond
00:16:31Hit the whole bourgeois mentality of the school
00:16:34Let me ask you something else man, do you do you make this bullshit up as you go along or do you actually read?
00:16:39Oh, I've read this. This is a book. It's Karl Marx famous book proletarian chicks in bondage
00:16:43So it's a condom house book comes with a leather hood. Oh, is that the one with the pictures? Yeah. Yes, sir. Can I borrow?
00:16:48Let's move on
00:16:56Dad
00:16:58What are you doing here? I'm robbing your room. That's what I'm doing here
00:17:01We drive 300 miles to see the kid. That's the greeting we get
00:17:10I'm sorry, and I'm really I'm glad to see you, but I wish that I know you're coming
00:17:14I bet you did. I look for you at that fraternity house. They said you weren't a member. Well, I can explain that
00:17:19They also told me not in the diving team. They said you were the towel boy. Well, I can explain that too
00:17:24Okay, explain it. I lied great that explains it. Huh? Jason. You don't lie to me. You lie to girls
00:17:32Who's this? Oh, I'm sorry. This is my roommate. That's Derek Lutz. This is the dad and that's Luke
00:17:40That's your real hair. What do you think? I think you're trying to get back at your parents. That's what I think
00:17:45Come on, show me the campus. I want to talk to you
00:17:48Oh
00:17:56Boy what a great-looking place when I used to dream about going to college. This is the way I always pictured it
00:18:02Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college when I used to fall asleep in high school?
00:18:07Look dad, I know how much all this means to you and I'm sorry. I lied to you. Okay, Jason
00:18:12You don't have to lie to me no matter what you do. I'll love you. Just the same
00:18:15Well, you love me no matter what no matter what I'm dropping out
00:18:20You're dropping out. You just got here. You just started
00:18:24Dad, I know but I'm not making it here. I don't fit in. You know, I got one friend Derek. He's got no friends
00:18:29I the girls don't like me. The fraternities don't want me diving coach won't even talk to me
00:18:34Tell me look at it this way. At least you're getting an education
00:18:38Dad last semester. I got nothing but seeds ABC. You're in a top three. What are you worrying about?
00:18:43I just think I'd be a lot better off, you know getting a job or something
00:18:48Well, you never went to college look how great you're doing Jason. I said it before and I'll say it again
00:18:52I don't care how rich successful a man is without an education. He's nothing. I mean stay in school study harder
00:18:59You can be whatever you want to be. You want to be a loser?
00:19:02You'll be a loser gonna be a winner be a winner Jason's up to you. You can do it. Remember you're a melon
00:19:09Dad, that's easy for you to say you don't have to do any of it
00:19:14Okay, then I'll do it with you
00:19:19What do you mean you'll do it with me I mean just what I said
00:19:22I'm going to college. What do you think?
00:19:35Now let me get this straight mr
00:19:38You wish to enter this widely esteemed Grand Lakes University of ours as a freshman, that's right Dean Martin
00:19:47Are you comfortable? Oh, I'm fine. Yeah. Oh the chair. Oh, I'm sorry
00:19:56This is an awkward moment for me, mr
00:19:58Mellon since I realize you're a highly respected member of our business community. Thank you. You're welcome
00:20:06Our student body here is hand-picked by me from the creme de la creme of
00:20:11Students all across this great land of ours. That's one of the things I like about this place
00:20:16Yes, the point is though since you have no high school diploma and no
00:20:21Transcripts of any kind no SAT scores and you're 30 to 40 years older than our average freshmen
00:20:27How can this university ever see its way clear to accept you as a student?
00:20:33As Calvin Coolidge once said the business of America is business and the business of an educational
00:20:40Institution such as ours is to create young minds that understand that the business of America is the kind of business that it actually is
00:20:49so
00:20:50Whatever it is that I have said here today
00:20:54Point is that we are here to honor
00:20:57our most generous
00:20:59benefactor and
00:21:01newest freshman
00:21:03The man who's made it possible for us to break ground here today. Mr. Thornton Mellon
00:21:14Dean Martin great speech great speech. There's nothing like good clean business and a little monkey business
00:21:24So glad you could make it mr. Mellon I'd like for you to meet dr. Philip Barbette who's the dean of our School of Business
00:21:31David I just want to get it on record that I am totally against this
00:21:35I don't think that selling admission to an obviously unqualified student is very ethical or honorable
00:21:43Alright Phil, but I just like to say in all fairness to mr. Mellon here. It was a really big check
00:21:51It's a simple matter of this man's presence
00:21:53Undermining the efforts of our legitimate students who are here as a result of hard work hard work
00:21:59Listen Sherlock while you were tucked away up here working on your ethics. I was out there busting my hump in a real world
00:22:06And a reason guys like you got a place to teach. It's because guys like me donate buildings. I wasn't speaking to you. Mr. Mellon
00:22:20I don't think dr. Barbette
00:22:23Understands the actual amounts that are involved here. Mr. Mellon. Will you take the ceremonial shovel?
00:22:30Thank you and dig into the symbolic dirt. I
00:22:37Hereby dedicate this building to myself
00:22:53All right now dad just like we talked about you sign up for whatever interest you okay
00:22:57We gotta get on the astronomy line before closes up
00:23:03Look at this
00:23:05This is worse than a track
00:23:07You're going to move some people for you. No, don't push anybody around. This is college. Let me think for a minute
00:23:12What are you gonna do?
00:23:14Come on, I got an idea
00:23:16You get everything you want
00:23:17Well, I got the Latin and I got the Sanskrit and then but then they cancel my ancient Greek just blew my whole dead languages
00:23:23Motif, what are you looking at? Oh
00:23:28Yeah
00:23:40You okay
00:23:42Yeah
00:23:44Yeah, I'm fine
00:23:46I'm just upset because they closed Barton II those bastards
00:23:51Well, I'm not that upset
00:23:54At least I won't be if I get into astronomy
00:23:57You want to you want to cut in line with us cuz we're already waiting them. Yes. Yeah, great. All right
00:24:08This is uh, this is Derek hi
00:24:11I'm Valerie Desmond. Yeah, I know
00:24:16I'm Jason Mellon. Hi
00:24:23Hi Valerie, hi
00:24:25God, you look great. Thanks. Are you taking astronomy too?
00:24:29Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I don't really want to I'm a business major, you know
00:24:34But for some reason they want us to take a science. Listen, you mind if I sneak in a line here with you?
00:24:38Oh, um, well, actually these guys were nice enough to let me in so it's really up to them, I guess
00:24:45Mellon buddy, what do you say? Let me in. Okay. I don't think so Osborne
00:24:51Mellon about your friend here straighten him out. Look Chaz. There's a lot of people waiting. It wouldn't really be fair, you know, it's
00:24:57I'll tell you what
00:24:59Maybe if you've got a note from each and every one of these people saying that it was all right
00:25:03Then we'd reconsider but until that day take a hike you elitist fraternity scumbag
00:25:12I won't forget this melon. I'll see you at the pool. Bye now. Bye. Thank you. I'm dead
00:25:33So
00:25:48Where is he? I don't know kid. All I know is i'm supposed to pick them up here
00:25:55Come on let's register
00:26:04Hey
00:26:06Hey, you guys got everything you need. Oh, yeah, we got it
00:26:09Hey, what's with the used books? What's wrong with used books? They've already been read
00:26:13Yeah, and they already been underlined too. Get it. That's the problem the last guy who underlined him
00:26:17He could have been a maniac. Hey get these guys some new books. Get some new books, will you?
00:26:21I'll tell you what charge it to me too. Okay here pick a card
00:26:26And i'll tell you i'm taking four of those school sweaters
00:26:28a bunch of pennants
00:26:30Some of those beer mugs a few of these fuzz balls you cheer with and
00:26:34Hey folks, it's on me shakespeare for everyone. Okay
00:26:39Oh you too, honey, oh, I'd like to tame your shrew
00:26:42Who is that?
00:26:43That is mr. Thornton melon
00:26:45the world's oldest living freshman
00:26:48And the walking epitome of the decline of modern education
00:26:51The stupid clod thinks he can buy his way out of the gutter. Oh, I don't think so. I think he was just having fun
00:26:56Oh, really?
00:26:57well
00:26:58I can't wait to get him in my class. We'll see how much fun he is then. Oh fella
00:27:04Hey, mr. M. You're all set. We've been working all night long. We got it all done. Oh, thanks buzzy
00:27:10I appreciate it. Look add a few hundred to the bill throw you in a boy's little party. Okay, you know what you got?
00:27:15Mr. M you got class it rubbed off from you buzzy
00:27:19Say hello to sonia for me, huh?
00:27:22Hey, I want to talk to you about my schedule
00:27:24We'll go over it later
00:27:29So
00:27:40Well boys, what do you think
00:27:43Got a hot tub in there. Well, how can you study if you're not relaxed? When's our first class?
00:27:47Uh, we got economics tomorrow at 11 o'clock 11 o'clock. No good. I got a massage 11 o'clock. Tell him to make it two o'clock
00:27:54No, dad. Uh, you don't get it. They're not gonna reschedule
00:27:58The class is around your massage
00:28:00All right, 11 o'clock, but i'm going to talk to that dean. I mean these classes could be a real inconvenience
00:28:05All right, settle down people
00:28:08We've got a lot to cover and time is short
00:28:16There are two kinds of people in business today the quick
00:28:19and the dead
00:28:21So rather than waste your time this semester with a lot of useless theories
00:28:25We're going to jump right in with both feet and create a fictional company from the ground up
00:28:31We'll construct our physical plant
00:28:34We'll set up an efficient administrative and executive structure. Then we'll manufacture our product and market it
00:28:41I think you'll find it very interesting and a lot of fun. So let's start by looking at construction costs of our new factory
00:28:49Uh, what's the product?
00:28:52That is immaterial for the purposes of our discussion here, but if it makes you happy
00:28:57Let's say we're making tape recorders tape recorders. Are you kidding? The jobs will kill us on a labor course
00:29:05Okay, fine
00:29:07Then let's just say
00:29:09They're widgets
00:29:11What's a widget? It's a fictional product. It doesn't matter
00:29:16Doesn't matter tell that to the bank, you know easy take it easy. It's the first day, you know on the board
00:29:21You will see a cost analysis for construction of a 30 000 square foot facility which will encompass both factory and office space
00:29:29And is fully serviced by all utilities a railroad spur line and a four bay shipping dock. Hold on. Why bill?
00:29:37Hey, you're better off leasing at a buck and a quarter a buck and a half a square foot
00:29:40Take your down payment and put it into cds or something else. You can roll over every couple of months. Thank you. Mr. Mellon
00:29:47But we'll be concentrating on finance a little later in the term
00:29:52for the time being
00:29:53Let's just concentrate on the construction figures. Shall we?
00:29:57You will see the final bottom line requires the factoring in of not just the material and construction costs
00:30:02But also the architect's fees and the costs of land servicing. Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff
00:30:10Oh, really
00:30:12Like what for instance
00:30:14Well, first of all, you're going to have to grease the local politicians for the sudden zoning problems that always come up
00:30:19Then there's the kickbacks for the carpenters and if you plan on using any cement in this building
00:30:24I'm sure the team should like to have a little chat with you and that'll cost you
00:30:27Oh, and don't forget something for the building inspectors. Then there's a long-term cost such as waste disposal
00:30:33I don't know if you are familiar with who runs that business, but I assure you it's not the boy scouts
00:30:37That'll be quite enough. Mr. Mellon, maybe bribes and kickbacks and mafia payoffs are how you do business
00:30:44But they are not part of the legitimate business world
00:30:48And they're certainly not part of anything i'm teaching in this class. Do I make myself clear?
00:30:52Sorry, just trying to help. That's all
00:30:55now
00:30:56Notwithstanding. Mr. Mellon's input
00:30:59the next question for us is
00:31:02Where to build our factory how about fantasy land?
00:31:10I'm not going to be able to my first class. I did good, huh? I just think you better cool it with dr.
00:31:15Talked about but he don't know his dick
00:31:17Even he tells him like it ain't yeah, well, you know what? He knows how to do
00:31:21Flunk it flunk me flunk him
00:31:24Okay, great attitude. Look, do you at least know where your next class is contemporary american history professor turgeson
00:31:30Burgess
00:31:31Well, you know him is he good?
00:31:33Well, he's uh really committed. In fact, I think he was just just keep your head down keep your mouth shut
00:31:38You should be all right. Well, i'll see you in english. All right
00:31:40welcome
00:31:42to contemporary american history
00:31:44I'm professor turgeson. You know, a lot of people think history is just facts
00:31:48It's just information about the past
00:31:51but not me
00:31:53I mean I hold history very sacred sacred
00:31:56The way the farmer looks at the earth and he holds it sacred the way
00:31:59A christian takes the bible and he holds it sacred the way a lot of people hold their marriage sacred
00:32:05So I feel about it. So why don't we dive right in by interpreting one of the easiest events
00:32:10in the last 20 years of american history
00:32:13Now can someone tell me why in 1975 we pulled our troops out of vietnam
00:32:22The failure of vietnamization to win popular support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various american but illegal saigon regimes
00:32:34Is she right
00:32:37Because I know that's the popular version of what went on there
00:32:40And a lot of people like to believe that
00:32:43I wish I could but I was there. I wasn't here in the classroom
00:32:46Hoping I was right thinking about it. I was up on my knees and rice patties with guns
00:32:51And then we're going up against charlie slugging it out with him while pussies like you
00:32:56We're back here partying putting headbands on doing drugs. Listen to the goddamn beetle albums
00:33:02Ah
00:33:05Hey professor take it easy, will you I mean these kids they were in grade school at the time and me
00:33:11I'm, not a fighter. I'm a lover
00:33:18Well, I didn't know you wanted to get involved with the discussion mr. Helper
00:33:24But since you want to help maybe you can help me, okay
00:33:27You remember the thing we had about 30 years ago called that korean conflict
00:33:31Yeah, and where we failed to achieve victory, how come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice eaters back to the great wall of china
00:33:48All right, i'll say it because truman was too much of a pussy wimp to let macarthur go in there and blow out those cumming bastards
00:33:57Good answer
00:33:59Good answer
00:34:02I like the way you think
00:34:04I'm gonna be watching you
00:34:10Good teacher he really seems to care about what I have no idea
00:34:17Oh, he's all right
00:34:19Hey, buddy, be my guest. Here's a pen, huh?
00:34:21Hey boys, here's a couple of pens in case you learn how to write. Okay
00:34:25I know you. Oh, yeah, here's a pen you do those obnoxious commercials
00:34:29You're tall and fat. Yeah, well, you're short and ugly. Give me the pen back. Will you?
00:34:35Honey here's a pen boys. How are you?
00:34:55You
00:35:01And gibraltar as a girl where I was a flower of the mountain
00:35:06Yes, when I put the rose in my hair like the andalusian girls used or shall I wear red? Yes
00:35:12And how he kissed me under the moorish wall and I thought
00:35:15Well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again
00:35:19Yes, and then he asked me would I yes to say yes
00:35:23My mountain flower and first I put my arms around him
00:35:27Yes, and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfumed
00:35:31Yes, and his heart was going like mad and yes, I said, yes, I will. Yes. Yes
00:35:37Yes
00:35:44Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence, I think joyce is pretty hot too
00:35:48And now that i've got your attention i'd like to run down the reading list for the semester see what else turns you on
00:36:00What a woman
00:36:02dad
00:36:03She is the teacher. I know I like teachers if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again
00:36:10Don't you think maybe you should just just take some notes. Yeah
00:36:13Yeah
00:36:16I gave away all my pens. I'm, sorry. I I need this back and here's a calendar for you
00:36:28Hello, mr. Mellon
00:36:30Are you waiting for me? Yes, I was
00:36:32Look, I know i'm only a freshman, but what do you say you and I have dinner tonight?
00:36:36We could talk about joyce
00:36:38She's my favorite writer
00:36:41Well, you're not the usual freshman, but i'm sorry I can't the thing is i'm sort of going with someone um
00:36:47Where are you going?
00:36:48That's a good question
00:36:51Actually, i'd like to join you but I have class tonight how about tomorrow night
00:36:55I have class then too
00:36:57I'll tell you what then why don't you call me some time when you have no class
00:37:03All right, maybe I will
00:37:10Hello philip
00:37:13What did he want?
00:37:15Oh, what do all men want
00:37:18He wants you to dress up as a wonder woman tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth
00:37:23No, just dinner philip
00:37:26I think he's jealous of thornton mellon
00:37:29Certainly not
00:37:31I've been doing a great deal of thinking actually i've been thinking
00:37:36about us
00:37:38And I think we should start thinking about forming a
00:37:43well, uh
00:37:45A merger a merger exactly exactly a merger a partnership
00:37:50Seriously, diane. We're both intelligent well-educated adults. We should be together
00:37:56Incorporated if you will
00:37:58Look at the balance sheet
00:38:00We were made
00:38:02For one another. Oh philip you darling. I don't want to be merged or incorporated. I want to have fun and be romanced and
00:38:10be loved
00:38:13So let's not rush into anything let's just start by having fun, okay
00:38:22Hey, how are you what's happening a lot of people are talking about your dad. Hey, what's happening?
00:38:30Hey boys, how you doing?
00:38:32I wonder why
00:38:35Um
00:38:37They have lockers you you could have changed here
00:38:40I don't change in front of guys
00:38:42I mean the next thing you know, you're showering with the fellas and the next thing, you know
00:38:45You're pinned to a sophomore named chip. Come on. Let's go
00:38:49I'll see you later
00:39:02So
00:39:21That was pretty good next time hold the pipe a little longer
00:39:28Wait a minute i'll be right down
00:39:32Okay
00:39:54Not bad. Oh, let's see one more like I showed you
00:40:02So
00:40:08Who's the guy your age doing here with these kids
00:40:12I'm looking for the fountain of a middle age
00:40:15What's your story? I'm setting a new record for the most consecutive losses by a diving coach in this conference
00:40:22I remember hold that pike longer. Are you a kid? Yeah
00:40:27Who coached him in high school yours truly?
00:40:30So, where did you learn how to dive atlantic city the steel pier I was in the water show
00:40:35I used to open for the diving horse
00:40:38I'm from jersey
00:40:39Yeah, I probably spent my entire life on that pier growing up
00:40:42You know, there was a guy did the most amazing dive called the triple lindy
00:40:47Hardest dive ever saw in my life. Now. Who was that guy?
00:40:50Yours truly you're kidding
00:40:52Oh, I don't joke about dives, especially that one. It almost killed me
00:40:57Boy, you were something else
00:40:59Hey, can you your kid do that dive? Nobody can it's too dangerous
00:41:05You know, you know he tried out for the team last semester he didn't do that good
00:41:09Well, not that good, huh? Watch this
00:41:13Jason do the two and a half
00:41:30Not bad
00:41:33My main melon come on man, it's a pep rally for the football team of the union. Let's go over there
00:41:37Wait, what is this? All right, me and standish and redding doing the anti-pep rally
00:41:42You know, we're pointing out that uh violent ground acquisition game such as football is in fact a cryptofascist metaphor for nuclear war
00:41:47Well, it sounds like a lot of laughs but uh supposed to meet my dad here and study
00:41:51In fact, he's supposed to be here already. Okay. Well
00:41:54You know if you change your mind pal
00:41:57Change my mind i'll seek psychiatric help
00:42:20Excuse me, what is the art system and what does it tell us?
00:42:27Oh, uh what i'm, sorry
00:42:30astronomy chapter two
00:42:32Oh ort ort, uh ort was this scientist and he figured out that the uh smeared out density of matter
00:42:40Can be no greater than the solar mass per cubic parsec. You look thrilled. It's not it's not my theory. I
00:42:48Thanks that helps a lot
00:42:51Um, listen, I was just wondering um, would you do my astronomy homework for the rest of this semester?
00:43:00Here you go, okay, right. Hi, mr. Mellon
00:43:04Oh, you can call me thornton
00:43:06Say how about joining me and my friend over there?
00:43:09Your friend looks a little strange. Oh lou lou's an animal
00:43:14Why in his family? He's only the second generation of standing up straight
00:43:17Okay
00:43:19Lovely girls, how would you like a life of luxury and deceit?
00:43:24Come on join us in the beer, okay. Yeah. Okay. Come on. Okay
00:43:37Girls this is lou lou. These are girls
00:43:41So
00:43:44One two, one two
00:43:55Shake it up, baby
00:43:59Twist it and shout
00:44:02Come on, come on, come on, baby
00:44:11Oh
00:44:16Oh, honey, come here, will you I need two more glasses for the girls and also bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes
00:44:21Until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes, right?
00:44:25Anyway
00:44:27You know, I thought you were just gonna go to the planetarium and look at a lot of stars
00:44:31I had no idea. This is gonna be astrophysics
00:44:34It's not that hard. You'll get it
00:44:36It's not hard for you because you're smart
00:44:40You're smart too
00:44:42Yeah, but you're like smart smart. Do you study at the library every night?
00:44:46No, I was gonna meet my dad there, but he must be studying at the dorm
00:44:57Ah
00:45:00Shake it up, baby
00:45:04Twist and shout
00:45:07Come on, come on, come on, baby
00:45:20Hey guys, let me see some id. Ooh, not that low, baby
00:45:27To the left baby to the left
00:45:30Oh, that's a smart baby hold it hold it
00:45:37Shake it shake it shake it shake it, baby
00:45:40Hold it shake it shake it shake it
00:45:43baby
00:45:45Shake it baby shake it now shake it
00:45:49Shake it
00:45:59Okay, go ahead
00:46:01Hey
00:46:03Hey, jason, what are you doing here? Well, what am I doing here? What are you doing?
00:46:09We're supposed to study remember the library the library supposed to be there. I know
00:46:16Chaz check it out
00:46:21Hi clark
00:46:23Interesting little rally you guys had tonight. Yeah, right. I got pain over my girlfriend. I'm gonna kill them pitheads. Yeah
00:46:31Well, you came to the right place because guess who's here?
00:46:33Derek lutz
00:46:40Hey lutz
00:46:43You know who I am
00:46:44um, let me see, uh
00:46:47protruding super orbital ridges
00:46:49small cranium
00:46:50Uh 1300 cc brain. Hmm neanderthal man
00:46:54You I want you to call his mother you tell her he's never coming home. Whoa, hold it. Hold it
00:47:00You sure you even got the right guy? I mean look how many people got blue hair these days, you know, shut up meathead
00:47:04Hey, take it easy, will you?
00:47:07I mean the war's over get new parts for your head. Yeah
00:47:11Want to make something? Oh, no. No, I never get physical. I just get upset when I get upset
00:47:18Hey, he gets physical
00:47:27Is that a problem
00:47:30No, i've got a problem now you do
00:47:33Oh
00:47:57Blue where you been get my ass kicked all over the place
00:48:03So
00:48:26Well, you look terrible no i'm all right
00:48:29It's lou. I'm worried about he may lose his trigger finger
00:48:32Oh, well serves you guys right. Why'd you have to take on the whole football team? They're not that tough
00:48:37The football team at my high school. They were tough
00:48:40After they sacked the quarterback they went after his family
00:48:46This morning we're going to look at the great gatsby by f scott fitzgerald
00:48:50Mr. Mellon, how would you characterize the great gatsby?
00:48:54Who him?
00:48:55No, you
00:48:57Me well the great gatsby. He was uh
00:49:01Uh great
00:49:07See me after class, mr. Mellon
00:49:12I mean, please try to understand. I don't have the background for this
00:49:16I mean the high school I went to they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity. He threw the teacher out the window
00:49:21I know what I need
00:49:23I need a tutor
00:49:26Hey, what do you say come on, well you got some spare time
00:49:32All right, mr. Mellon I have some spare time this evening why don't you come around about seven i'll give you my address
00:49:41Thanks, thanks, please be on time i'll be on time
00:49:47What penmanship
00:49:50Everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned
00:49:54The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity
00:50:00There's a lot of other stuff here. Yates goes on and on and and here's the finish
00:50:05What rough beast it's how it come round at last sloshes towards bethlehem to be born
00:50:12Why did that make you think of?
00:50:13rough beast my ex-wife
00:50:16Well, it's one interpretation not the right one, but it's a start
00:50:19Surely a man of your age and experience must have read some of the things on my list. What about mcbeth?
00:50:25I saw the movie
00:50:26austin wells
00:50:27Great actor big actor. He was a tall fat customer for years
00:50:32How about cat on a hot tin roof? I saw the movie burr lives great actor extra stout
00:50:37He was a customer too streetcar named isaiah great movie marlon brando. I'll tell you he wasn't that big then but he ballooned up nicely
00:50:45I'd say pound for pound our finest american actor. Don't you ever read read who has time?
00:50:51I see the movie i'm in and out in two hours
00:50:53Oh thornton
00:50:54Don't you see the reason you want to read these works is so you can experience them for yourself
00:50:58So you can share the thoughts and feelings of the writer without the interference of your actor and director and professor's point of view
00:51:05getting in the way
00:51:06To truly share and and understand the common feelings of all mankind
00:51:11the feelings of being alive
00:51:14That was beautiful
00:51:17I understand what you're saying, too. I'm glad that makes me feel good
00:51:21I got an idea
00:51:23Let's keep talking over dinner
00:51:26I'm supposed to meet someone for dinner
00:51:30I could cancel though. I I guess I mean we are working after all. I mean you can't work on an empty stomach
00:51:35You can't concentrate when you're hungry
00:51:38Oh, I I don't know. I I really shouldn't I have I have so many things to do. Oh, come on
00:51:42I'll help you. I'll I'll take out the garbage. I'll do the dishes. I'll do your nails. I'll do your hair
00:51:47You have no idea what I want to do. I'll call him. I'll dial it
00:51:51And I'll just get the light
00:51:53I think i'm attracted to teachers
00:51:56I took out an english teacher that didn't work out at all. I sent her a love letter. She corrected it
00:52:04Oh great company
00:52:06Hello
00:52:10Those two ought to get a room really
00:52:13Actually, I was married twice my first wife jace's mother. I really loved her. We had a good thing going, you know
00:52:21She passed away about 10 years ago
00:52:23After that, I I screwed around for a few years. I really went nuts. I married vanessa
00:52:29I was just lonely I guess I don't know
00:52:31Is that over now, oh we were doomed from the start i'm an earth sign she's a water sign together we made mud
00:52:38Oh, I picked up beauty and she played around too
00:52:41When she said I do I should have said with who?
00:52:45So are you giving up on women? I don't know. I can't figure women out
00:52:49Today, they're independent. They only think about themselves
00:52:52Or during sex vanessa. She used to scream out her own name
00:52:57I think it's the men who are different
00:52:59Ever since the women's movement most of the men I meet go out of their way to show you how sensitive they are
00:53:03before they were too macho and now they're too
00:53:06soft
00:53:07You all want us to know you can cry
00:53:10No with women. I never cried never
00:53:13I beg
00:53:18If we finish this bottle of wine you won't have to beg
00:53:29So
00:53:39Diane oh
00:53:42Oh philip
00:53:44We were supposed to go to dinner. I just had dinner
00:53:48I don't believe this
00:53:50Maybe it's a dream
00:53:51Good night philip
00:53:55You do a good job, what are you charged for big cars?
00:54:00I
00:54:10Had a lot of fun thornton
00:54:13Me too
00:54:15And thanks for the lesson. I I learned a lot. You're welcome. I did too
00:54:22Well
00:54:25Well
00:54:27I guess this is a good night. Yeah
00:54:32A very good night
00:54:40Beautiful oh
00:54:44Oh
00:54:45That's it. That's the spot. Just keep doing it. Oh, don't lose it. Oh
00:54:49Oh
00:54:51Oh lou, you're great
00:54:53Oh, the leg is better you got the cramp out. Oh, you're a wreck you gotta start working out
00:54:59And you know what else you have got midterms coming up you haven't studied five minutes since you got
00:55:07You're always so neat
00:55:08You're just like your uncle vito
00:55:10We were kids his room was always in order his towels lined up neatly combs brushes
00:55:14Hail oceans all in the right place. What did it mean? What is he today?
00:55:17He's an attendant in the men's room. Hey, he's my idol
00:55:22But i'm not gonna be folding towels anymore
00:55:27Because I just made that uh the diving team that's great
00:55:33I'm taking you out. We're gonna celebrate. We're having a party. Oh, no, dad. That's that's really nice
00:55:37But you know i'm in training now. We got a big meet coming up against northern. So
00:55:41We'll have a party after the meet
00:55:43dad
00:55:45Why don't you join me in a little reality break? Okay, just because you're in love with dr
00:55:49Turner that does not mean you're gonna pass her course
00:55:52And you've got a major paper coming up on kurt vonnegut. You haven't even read any of the books. I tried
00:56:00I don't understand a word of it. So, how are you gonna write the paper then? Huh?
00:56:09Hi, i'm kurt vonnegut i'm looking for thornton mellon
00:56:15Uh, you want to come in dad d
00:56:19o
00:56:20g
00:56:21Dog, I don't want to hear one more word out of you or it's back to the tree
00:56:27Come in
00:56:29Excuse me. Dr. Barassini. I'm thornton mellon. Oh, yes thornton mellon. I know you
00:56:36You delivered the paper on isomagnetic brain waves at montreal last year. No, I sold you your pants
00:56:44Oh, of course good to see you what are you doing here? I'm supposed to report here for my lab project. Oh good
00:56:51I'm trying to teach these here apes how to read and write
00:56:55You ought to teach me how to go to the bathroom. That's the first thing you ought to do. Oh, you'll get used to that
00:57:01well
00:57:02All you have to do is put a new tape in the tape machine every hour and observe the animals
00:57:08I'll be back in a few hours to check on you. Okay, fine
00:57:14Next door you don't need this. I'll find you an organ grinder
00:57:28Hi marge a few things
00:57:30I need you and the gang to get down here as fast as you can
00:57:33And I have to talk to peters the accountant i'm gonna need him, too
00:57:36Oh, thanks and marge. I need
00:57:39You
00:57:43See if you get somebody at the rand corporation or the brookings institute down here for about a week
00:57:51What
00:58:02No problem, they're taking a break that's all
00:58:05Oh
00:58:07in 1971
00:58:08The united states accumulated deficit greater than the supply of gold the country held in that year
00:58:15Richard nixon took the united states off the gold standard in doing so he disrupted
00:58:24The entire international monetary system, what is that clicking noise?
00:58:35Are you a student in this class?
00:58:39Uh, no
00:58:41Who are you?
00:58:43I'm marge sweetwater
00:58:47Mr. Thornton mellon's private secretary
00:58:56What are you doing here oh i'm taking notes for mr. Mellon
00:59:05He told you to write down everything I said yes, he did good
00:59:17Take this down
00:59:22Mr. Mellon no matter what you do
00:59:27No matter what stunts you pull no matter how hard you try
00:59:33You will never ever pass this course
00:59:40Make sure he gets that
00:59:47Yes, sir, I'll tell you what it's for barbay make it an a where's the lab report on psychology
00:59:57It's too light it feels like a c
00:59:59C
01:00:00Bulk it up and add a few multicolored graphs
01:00:03Yo, dad
01:00:05Jason, hold it. Will you listen everybody?
01:00:07Let's see a's across the board. I'll tell you what a 10 bonus for every grade over b and an a plus
01:00:14Gets you a free trip to hawaii
01:00:16off season
01:00:19Dad
01:00:20What's going on here? I'm doing my homework. No, no, no, they're doing your homework
01:00:25Jason a good executive knows how to delegate authority. Yeah, I took care of you, too
01:00:30And what's this your astronomy report?
01:00:34What's wrong with you what's wrong with you
01:00:37I want to write that paper. I'm gonna write that paper. See that's what i'm taking astronomy is to learn something
01:00:42You're never gonna learn a goddamn thing. You got people doing your work for you
01:00:46I'll never mind
01:00:50Kids they always do things the hard way
01:00:55Ladies and gentlemen
01:00:59Wildcat
01:01:03And your grand lakes university hooters, there's your boy
01:01:21Valerie
01:01:23How you doing?
01:01:24Come
01:01:25Uh, listen, my dad is having a little party tonight over the dorm and it should be pretty great as parties usually are, you know
01:01:32I'd love to come
01:01:35Except I have a date
01:01:37Uh, well, hey bring them along, you know, it's okay just both come by
01:01:43I really try good good. I hope i'll see you there. Sounds like fun. I wish my dad were more like yours
01:01:56Hi
01:02:00Hey chas
01:02:03Good luck, buddy. Let's get them. Yeah. Thanks melon. I wish you luck too, but I guess a guy like you doesn't need luck
01:02:12What's that supposed to mean well with your old man behind you
01:02:15I figured since he uh bought your way onto the team. He probably bought off the judges, too
01:02:20Oh
01:02:25Oh, there's thornton
01:02:31I can't imagine what you can possibly see in that man. Philip, would you excuse me for a minute?
01:02:42Yes, yes
01:02:44Oh, you look great. Oh, thanks. Where you been? I called you a hundred times. I made four dates with your answering machine
01:02:49Oh, i'm, sorry. I missed you things have been so hectic. I've been reading midterm papers and grading exams
01:02:55Did you read mine yet? Not yet, but i'm looking forward to oh, look i'm throwing a little party in my room tonight
01:03:00And you better be there. Oh, i'm, sorry. I have a date with philip tonight
01:03:05Bring him along
01:03:07We may run out of ice
01:03:11First diver for grand lakes university chas osborne
01:03:20So
01:03:41Hey coach, how are you? How you doing, huh?
01:03:44Thank you
01:03:49Next diver for grand lakes jason melon melon
01:04:14Is
01:04:17Everybody's crazy
01:04:19Is
01:04:41What's going on this is always the best party of the year, I don't know some big event at the dorms
01:04:47We're thinking of going over
01:04:49To melons, are you nuts? Hey, where do we go?
01:04:52Valerie, please. It'll be horrible
01:04:54Jason said it would be great. It might be fun. Jason's a twerp. We could have won if it weren't for him
01:05:00Haven't you ever messed up?
01:05:03Oh
01:05:19Oh
01:05:40Nice look were you going for the uh, heavy disassociated artist thing or the ongoing blind thing?
01:05:47Huh?
01:05:48Oh, it's the death thing. Oh
01:05:51Maybe this will cheer you up. Oh do me
01:05:54Derek get up, will you?
01:05:57You look like the poster boy for birth control
01:06:03Jason it's a party. What's your story? What's the matter the swim meet forget about it. It's history
01:06:11Jason come on, will you snap into it? You're right there
01:06:19Now
01:06:37What's that noise it's a party they're not midterms remember they're just blowing off steam you there
01:06:44Yeah
01:06:47What's going on here melon man story the greatest party of all time
01:06:52The whole world is there
01:06:55It's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life. Oh god
01:07:05Look at that listen to that racket. This is disgraceful. I should phone security
01:07:15Yeah, good apparently i'm not the only one around here with a sense of decency
01:07:34Did you see where are you going intellectual curiosity philip sounds fun in there come with me. Oh, please. Oh philip
01:07:44Is
01:08:04Is
01:08:15Away it's only me
01:08:29Right after this drink. Hey, what's a band without bubbles? Hey bubbles. Come over here, will you?
01:08:37Oh
01:08:42Hi there, hi, what's your favorite subject? Oh poetry really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my long fellow
01:08:54Excuse me, have you seen those melons? Uh, I think he's in there
01:08:58Right
01:09:05Excuse me. Has anyone seen thornton melon?
01:09:10That's what I call marine biology
01:09:13Diane
01:09:16Just say hello to my nieces
01:09:19Hey, wait a minute
01:09:21Jason
01:09:25Jason
01:09:27There you are. I was looking all over for you
01:09:30Jason, are you okay?
01:09:31I'm, sorry about the swim meet
01:09:34shit
01:09:36swim meet
01:09:37She think I care about the swim meet. I mean, it's just it's just a stupid college game. It's just bullshit
01:09:43Why are you acting like this?
01:09:46I know you don't think like that. Oh you do
01:09:48You
01:09:50Grow up valerie. I mean you think you think this is real?
01:09:54This isn't real college is a dream world
01:09:56This is something you do to pass the time till you go out in the real world. You start buying people
01:10:00Come on, let's go for a walk and talk this out. Okay, there you are
01:10:06Can we go i'm bored, oh christ oswald, will you just get your ass out of here?
01:10:10Oh, what a surprise another shit-faced melon. Oh, what am I gonna do knock your teeth down your throat?
01:10:15Easy melon your father isn't here to back you up this time
01:10:27Jason I was looking for you
01:10:31Hey, come here, where are you going?
01:10:34Where am I going?
01:10:36I'm leaving school dad. I mean one of us has got to go you're having such a great time. I'm getting out
01:10:41Why I don't get it
01:10:43Because you didn't win the diving. No, not because I didn't win because I shouldn't even have been there
01:10:48Chas told me you bribed the coach to put me on the team real good what and you believed him?
01:10:53Jason i've allowed you in my life. I didn't bribe the coach. You're on the team because you deserve it. You made it on your own
01:11:00You don't get it
01:11:01Everything I have is because of you and because of you I get my get my astronomy homework done for me by nasa
01:11:07I just want the best for you
01:11:09That's all I ever wanted
01:11:14I did it all for you
01:11:16I know but you don't know when to quit
01:11:19Look, I know you came up here to help me and I really appreciate it
01:11:23And it's really sweet and it's really not working. I mean, can you just let me do something for myself?
01:11:27I just want to see you're happy. That's all well take a good look
01:11:32Because I was a lot happier when I was miserable
01:11:40I
01:11:48Enjoyed reading that susan. Thanks. Nice improvement. Thank you. Diane. Why did you fail me?
01:11:53I didn't thought and you failed me
01:11:56What is it because of last night? No
01:11:58I can accept the fact that you're completely regressed emotionally, but you're not going to pass my course by turning in someone else's work
01:12:05What do you think someone else wrote this look all I know is that you didn't and that's what disappoints me
01:12:10Tell you something else whoever did write. It doesn't know the first thing about kurt vonnegut
01:12:14And another thing vonnegut i'm gonna stop payment on a check
01:12:18What's that?
01:12:19Fuck me. Hey kurt, you read lips
01:12:22Fuck you
01:12:24Next time i'll call robert ludlum
01:12:26Oh
01:12:31Derek have you seen jason? Uh, I think he's on a three-state killing spree
01:12:35Oh, here's some more potentially bad news. Dean. Martin was assumed in his office right away
01:12:40dean martin
01:12:44And she said let's do it the room's already paid for
01:12:48Oh
01:12:52Oh golly, uh, i'm afraid we have a potentially unpleasant situation on our hands here
01:12:59phil
01:13:00Would you repeat to mr. Mellon?
01:13:02The allegations that you've made to me
01:13:06It's clear the work you've handed in is not your own
01:13:09I'm accusing you of academic fraud
01:13:12Fraud is such an ugly word
01:13:15Considering the financial generosity that mr. Mellon has shown towards our fine university here. I think mr
01:13:22Mellon should be expelled
01:13:26What are you going to do about it
01:13:30Well
01:13:32Quentin i'm only going to ask you this one time is the work that you turned in your own
01:13:38I
01:13:42Can't lie to you dean martin
01:13:48Yes, it is
01:13:50I'm satisfied
01:13:51Phil i'm outraged. Well gee whiz phil. I just asked the man the work was his he said yes
01:13:59Now, what do you want me to do torture him?
01:14:01I
01:14:04Suggest a comprehensive oral examination conducted by all of mr. Mellon's professors oral examination. Yes
01:14:11If you've done the work you say you have
01:14:14There should be no problem. I should know
01:14:19Hey
01:14:21Chase hey lou. How you doing?
01:14:24Come here. I want to tell you something what?
01:14:27You're pretty hard on your father last night. Oh, I know I know but the guy doesn't understand, you know
01:14:32Yeah, I know your pop 30 years. He understands. He's a nice guy and he's tough
01:14:37like me
01:14:39I'm, nice and i'm tough
01:14:41Huh? I'll give you an idea what I mean
01:14:43My two boys I put one through college and the other I put through a wall
01:14:50Your papa loves you, hey
01:14:53He's looking out for you
01:14:55Look out for him
01:15:18Hey
01:15:22What's going on i'm leaving
01:15:25I'm, sorry. Jason. This college thing was a big mistake
01:15:29So you're gonna give up
01:15:31I can't win
01:15:32They want me to take oral exams in all my subjects if I don't take them. They're gonna kick me out
01:15:37And if I take them
01:15:38Who knows where they'll kick me?
01:15:43Hey dad
01:15:44You remember what you told me when I told you I wanted to quit, huh?
01:15:47You told me that a man without an education is nothing. I can't do it. Chase
01:15:52You can do anything you want to do you can do anything you want in life remember you're a melon
01:16:02Don't quit i'll help you
01:16:21So
01:16:51Foreign
01:17:21So
01:17:32Before we begin
01:17:34I would just like to thank each and every professor
01:17:37Here for taking time out of his slash her
01:17:41extremely busy schedule
01:17:43And a special thanks, of course to mr
01:17:45Thornton mellon who I do not have to remind anyone is the donor of our new mellon school of business
01:18:00We're wasting time, sorry phil
01:18:06Mr. Mellon you'll have three hours to complete the examination
01:18:10If you fail
01:18:12Any part of it you will be expelled
01:18:15Mr. Mellon, do you understand?
01:18:20The councilor trent, excuse me, I missed a question we haven't begun yet. Oh
01:18:27Well, dr bravé I suppose you're up first
01:18:45I have only one question for mr. Mellon
01:18:54In 27 parts
01:19:00I'd like to break him in 27 parts. Excuse me. No, nothing nothing
01:19:08Discuss the foundations of modern global business systems part one
01:19:13Define and differentiate the three economic philosophies of capitalism socialism and communism as pertains to a
01:19:21management fundamentals b organizing and staffing
01:19:24c labor management and d production and operations
01:19:29part two
01:19:33Are you getting all this mr. Mellon? Yeah, it's a piece of cake
01:19:39Jason
01:19:46Valerie
01:19:48I uh, I wanted to apologize for the other night my behavior and uh, the things I said
01:19:57And to thank you for your behavior and the things you said
01:20:04I'm really sorry
01:20:06Really sorry
01:20:09And i'm really in love with you and I really have been for a very long time and I can't believe i'm saying this
01:20:16I don't want to
01:20:18embarrass you or
01:20:20make you feel uncomfortable with me, but
01:20:25I've been needing to tell you this for a very long time
01:20:32Um
01:20:33Are you aware that that's the most you've ever said to me at one time
01:20:38Oh, except of course for the time that you were bathing me drunk
01:20:44I love you, too
01:21:03You
01:21:07In response to roman numeral 27
01:21:11section three part two
01:21:13of subset d
01:21:15of the question
01:21:17the answer is
01:21:21Mr. Mellon
01:21:31Mr. Mellon, hey, hey
01:21:33Relax, it's been some put under a lot of pressure here. Let's take it easy on him
01:21:37Say it
01:21:38Say it
01:21:41The answer is
01:21:43Four
01:21:51Right
01:21:59Hey, dr. Turner
01:22:04I
01:22:06Hold it. That's it. I can't take it no more. I feel like I just gave birth to an accountant
01:22:16Wait a minute
01:22:18So
01:22:30Thornton
01:22:32Do you remember when we discussed the dylan thomas poem do not go gentle into that good night
01:22:38I don't know
01:22:40No
01:22:42Maybe thornton think what's going on here
01:22:47Philip relax. It's my turn
01:22:55Do you remember it
01:22:59Do not go gentle into into into that good night
01:23:06Old age should burn in rage
01:23:09at
01:23:11at close of day
01:23:13Rage
01:23:15Rage against the dying of the light
01:23:18Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight and learned too late
01:23:22They grieved it on its way
01:23:25Do not go gentle into that good night
01:23:28Brave men
01:23:30near death
01:23:31Who see with blinding sight?
01:23:34Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay
01:23:37rage
01:23:38Rage against the dying of the light and you
01:23:42my father
01:23:44There with a sad height
01:23:46curse
01:23:47Bless me now with your fierce tears. I pray
01:23:51Do not go gentle into that good night
01:23:54rage
01:23:55Rage against the dying of the light
01:23:58Thornton what does that poem mean to you? It means I don't take shit from no
01:24:06I'm gonna pass this test. I'm staying in school. Who's next?
01:24:15Now diving the atlantic eastern eagles current conference champion
01:24:20Doug nelson, you know what? You almost never see
01:24:25Somebody heckling a diver
01:24:27Oh
01:24:41You're all right kid excellent, please refrain from making loud noises during the dive
01:24:50Next up the atlantic eastern eagles bill steinkamp
01:24:57Yeah
01:25:15That concludes atlantic eastern 10-meter dive next up the grand lakes hooter
01:25:22I
01:25:24Would like to remind you
01:25:32Were you interested in valerie desmond she's with me
01:25:37Coming into your own are you melon?
01:25:39Well, I wouldn't break my arm patting myself on the back if I were you
01:25:43Because get this towel boy
01:25:45No matter what you think
01:25:46You'll always be a crude obnoxious nouveau riche little fleab
01:25:51And you're gonna end up just like your father
01:25:54God, I hope so
01:25:55Because I happen to love the guy
01:25:58first up for grand lakes university
01:26:01chas osborne
01:26:02former national high school champion
01:26:21So
01:26:34Jason dive yet? Not yet. Did you piss? I don't know. They're gonna let me know now diving for grand lakes university
01:26:40jason melon
01:26:50So
01:27:15Can't believe it you actually win this
01:27:18Melon's dive has put the hooters back in this meet. Ow, what's the matter?
01:27:26You're up next chas
01:27:31I have got a really bad cramp. I've been having really bad cramps all week. It's probably menstrual screw you melon
01:27:42Coach turnbull you got another eligible diver
01:27:48Melon
01:27:53Melon we need you
01:27:56Get your suit on good
01:27:59Oh, not a chance what a shape i'm in you can donate my body to science fiction get your suit on
01:28:04We need you. Come on pal. Come on. Show them what you got. Come on
01:28:18For grand lakes university
01:28:25He's on my uh substitute roster, but I I I don't have it right now, but uh
01:28:31What I'll do is uh first chance I get i'll uh, i'll bring it to you
01:28:48So
01:28:53What dive is he gonna do the triple lindy
01:29:08There will be an additional springboard installed for melon's dive the triple lindy, is that hard it's impossible
01:29:18So
01:29:48So
01:30:18So
01:30:20Foreign
01:30:47That was great
01:30:50Oh
01:30:53Oh you were great that was incredible
01:30:57I guess there's nothing you can't do
01:30:59I've got the results of your exams right here
01:31:01Do I want to hear them? You cast all d's and an a
01:31:06Who gave me da?
01:31:10I would like to introduce our speaker today. This is the first time in the history of this fine institution
01:31:17That a freshman has given this address
01:31:20Mr. Thornton
01:31:35Thank you very much, thank you, thank you dean martin
01:31:38President sinclair and members of the graduating class. I have only one thing to say to you today
01:31:45It's a jungle out there. You got to look out for number one
01:31:49But don't step a number two
01:31:53And so
01:31:55To all you graduates as you go out into the world
01:31:58my advice to you is
01:32:00Don't go
01:32:02It's rough out there move back with your parents. Let them worry about it
01:32:19Me
01:32:43I ain't gonna do you wrong. Why are you gone?
01:32:49Because I don't wanna
01:33:03I'm out to give it
01:33:13My
01:33:19Girl
01:33:40Oh
01:33:49All I want you to do for me
01:34:01R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Oh not what it means to me
01:34:18Keep on trying
01:34:20You're running out of food
01:34:46It's your life
01:34:51I'm gonna take you over the limit. You know, i'm only looking out for you
01:35:10I'll be there when you get
01:35:21When the
01:35:24Is your head you just turn to me instead
01:35:40I wanna wear a big school letter. I wanna write boldly
01:35:46Why don't you take off that bitter blue sweater? Come on, we'll make history get lucky
01:35:54I
01:35:55Get lucky
01:35:58I'll see you get lucky, too
01:36:11Hold on baby
01:36:23Here we go back to school