Masters Of Menace (1989) Comedy
Despite his wife (Catherine Bach) and lawyer's suggestion , a biker (David Rasche) takes his gang on a road trip to bury a fallen comrade.
Transcript
00:00:30Cause you're my honey
00:00:31I'm taking on the grief like a stand girl, you know it's true
00:00:37So you boys and I, we're gonna make a little rally
00:00:43We're gonna be right over, cause it's time that I rescued you
00:00:50Just put your high heels on and your big head too
00:00:53And tell your mama what you're all about to do
00:00:56Cause she might just miss some screws
00:01:00I just come to get you
00:01:03I just come to get you
00:01:07I got no fear of this, you know I can't stay in that
00:01:10Cause everybody's trying to tell me where it's at
00:01:13I try to stay, I don't know how to live, but you know I do
00:01:19I spend my time being me, trying to pull myself out of it
00:01:24Watch it, you crazy biker!
00:01:26So you can back off further, cause you know that I paid my dues
00:01:32Now I'm a baby, and we both wanna make some tennis
00:01:36So honey, get it ready, cause we're going down the line
00:01:39And there ain't nothing left to do
00:01:42Ain't nothing left to do
00:01:46I just come to get you
00:01:49I just come to get you
00:01:51I just come to get you
00:01:54I just come to get you
00:01:57I just come to get you
00:02:00I just come to get you
00:02:04This was not gonna ruin my Fourth of July weekend
00:02:07Being in court, that is
00:02:09Or being in jail, if the cops had their way
00:02:12Hey, let's face it, cops don't like bikers
00:02:15Of course, bikers don't like cops, so I guess we're even
00:02:18Alright, I'm ready to proceed
00:02:21They couldn't decide what to pin on us this time
00:02:24But they were dying to get us
00:02:26Especially that son-of-a-bitch Hoover
00:02:29The guy was nuts, and he was trying to get the Roadmasters convicted
00:02:33So he could get elected DA
00:02:35The public has been terrorized by these motorcycle hoodlums long enough
00:02:39They are part of the ongoing anti-American criminal...
00:02:42Hoover wanted to get the club on conspiracy charges
00:02:45But conspiracy takes forethought
00:02:47And we never put any thought into what we do
00:02:50I haven't had a thought in years
00:02:52He had a thought once
00:02:53I think it's time we put these thugs where they belong
00:02:56Behind bars for as long as the law allows
00:03:01Or longer
00:03:03So I scared up a young lawyer named Wallace Wolfby
00:03:06Fresh from law school who occasionally needed some encouragement
00:03:09I told him just to remind the court that the 27th Amendment was a right to raise hell
00:03:14They are being persecuted merely because they are members of a motorcycle gang
00:03:18Club
00:03:19Club! Strike that! Club! No gang!
00:03:22I wasn't worried
00:03:23My wife Kitty told me she wasn't worried
00:03:29Will the defendants please rise when their name is called
00:03:33Lawrence Gordon, alias Lazy Larry
00:03:36Robert Schimmelfennig, alias Sloppy Joe
00:03:39Present
00:03:40Lloyd Boyden, alias Roy Boy
00:03:42Dimitri Furberg, alias Squirt
00:03:45Henry Ertz, alias Horny Hank
00:03:48President of the club Erwin Wheeler, alias Buddy
00:03:52After considering the facts
00:03:54I sentence all of you to three years in the county jail
00:03:58Holy crap! Yes! Yes!
00:04:03However, I am suspending sentence and imposing a three year probation
00:04:09The conditions of probation are
00:04:11That you cannot leave the county at any time for any reason
00:04:14If there are any violations, even a traffic ticket
00:04:17It's off to jail
00:04:19Now let's see if you can all get your acts together
00:04:22Yes! Yes!
00:04:28Liberal creep
00:04:30Your honor, this is an outrage
00:04:33Where is the justice?
00:04:35I want an appeal
00:04:37Hey, move it!
00:04:38Appeal this!
00:04:40Why are you behaving like this?
00:04:42First of all, I want to come to the Greyfire Hotel
00:04:45Circumstantial evidence cannot be introduced in a court of law
00:04:48Unless the witness's circumstantiality has been abbreviated
00:04:51Well, thank God for loopholes
00:04:54You were lucky to get off
00:04:56Hey, I'm always lucky
00:04:58Glad I got off
00:04:59Hey, I'm ecstatic
00:05:01Let's get an expensive bottle of champagne
00:05:03Just the two of us
00:05:05Why waste champagne on somebody who'd rather drink beer?
00:05:07How about a six pack?
00:05:10Buddy? Buddy?
00:05:12Excuse me
00:05:14Buddy?
00:05:15Oh, hi Wallace
00:05:16Hi, uh, you think you can stay out of trouble for the next three years?
00:05:19The trick is not getting caught, is it?
00:05:21Thanks a lot for everything, Wallace
00:05:23No problem
00:05:25I am 1-0 as a trial attorney
00:05:27That's not a bad start
00:05:30Uh, now Buddy, I hope you appreciate how much work I did for the Roadhogs
00:05:34Masters
00:05:35Masters, sorry
00:05:37Uh, just please, don't mess it up for me
00:05:40Don't worry, we'll be good
00:05:42Now, we're gonna blow the rest of our legal defense fund on a little celebration tonight
00:05:46And I expect you to be there
00:05:47No, Buddy
00:05:48Aw, thank you, but I don't think so
00:05:50Oh, you'll find a way
00:05:51Uh, well, I have this new girlfriend
00:05:53And you know how they are
00:05:55She went and made plans for the ballet tonight
00:05:57Come on, look, it'll give you a chance to get to know the guys a little better
00:06:00Besides, you're the guest of honor
00:06:02Oh, well, in that case
00:06:04Uh, maybe we can swing by for a glass of wine first
00:06:07Fine, that's good
00:06:08Okay, I'll see you tonight then
00:06:09Okay, bye-bye
00:06:10Buddy, why don't we just be alone tonight instead of having another party?
00:06:14Aw, the guys are gonna want to celebrate
00:06:16And our house is the clubhouse, so
00:06:18You see, that's what I'm talking about here, Buddy
00:06:20I mean, I was thinking
00:06:22Maybe this is an omen
00:06:23You got a second chance, maybe we should make some changes
00:06:26Maybe, maybe start with our home
00:06:28Well, you want me to help you clean it up?
00:06:29No move
00:06:31Look, I know it's messy, but that's no...
00:06:32Let's buy a house
00:06:34Aw, I don't think we can afford a house
00:06:37Buddy, let's go someplace we can afford
00:06:39Kitty, I'm on probation for three years
00:06:43After that, maybe we'll look for a house
00:06:47Look, I don't even have a pool table yet
00:06:49Congratulations, Wheeler
00:06:53You stayed out of jail
00:06:54It's too bad, though
00:06:55You could have used a good deal lousy
00:06:57Oh, don't take it so hard, Hoover
00:06:59Why don't you go catch a serial killer?
00:07:02You got off this time
00:07:04But you better watch your ass
00:07:06I'm gonna be waiting for you to screw up
00:07:09And the minute you do, I'm gonna nail you
00:07:14Let's go, Dick
00:07:16So long, Dick
00:07:18That's Dick
00:07:36What's up, sir?
00:07:38Football!
00:07:40Don't start with me, Wheeler
00:07:42Something like that should be exempt
00:07:44From certain constitutional freedoms
00:07:46Pick up the tape, Shoeweiler
00:07:54The roadmaster's really embarrassed you today, sir
00:07:57I just hope the negative publicity doesn't hurt your campaign
00:08:01Well, good, because here's what you're gonna do, Shoeweiler
00:08:05You're gonna tail the roadmasters
00:08:07You're gonna catch them in the act of doing something heinous
00:08:10You're gonna be my eyes and my ears on this
00:08:12I have to keep a low profile because of the upcoming election
00:08:15But you have carte blanche for anything you want to do
00:08:19Thank you for your trust
00:08:21Of course, if you get caught, you're on your own
00:08:23I'll deny any knowledge of your actions
00:08:25Of course
00:08:35Go, go, go!
00:08:58Yo, wait, where have you been?
00:09:00We had to go back and get Roy Boy's dog food
00:09:02Roy Boy's dog food? Nobody has a dog
00:09:04We used to
00:09:06You're eating everything. Is there anything left?
00:09:09Should be
00:09:11We got all the basic food groups
00:09:13We got beer
00:09:15Chips
00:09:17Dip
00:09:19And beer
00:09:21You're a mess
00:09:23Larry, what is all of this?
00:09:25Booze and Quenca
00:09:27Honey, I'm eating a bunch
00:09:29Larry, don't forget extra vodka
00:09:32No
00:09:35Hey, buddy
00:09:37I'll tell you how my new house could be
00:09:39Oh, honey, oh
00:09:41No, listen to me
00:09:43You listen to me
00:09:45Well, more and more
00:09:51There's a white picket fence out front
00:09:53All the way out front
00:09:59Sounds nice
00:10:01What color is this house?
00:10:03Oh, the house is just amazing
00:10:05It's cream
00:10:07It's cream from the top
00:10:09All the way to the bottom
00:10:15And it's got a real nice backyard
00:10:17Oh, yes, it does
00:10:19It's kind of a big backyard
00:10:21Shut up
00:10:25Is there a bush in this yard?
00:10:27Oh, yeah
00:10:30Mm-hmm, oh, yeah
00:10:32Oh, sure enough
00:10:34Yeah
00:10:36I told you
00:10:40You're gonna love these guys
00:10:42They're really nice people
00:10:44Once you get to know them
00:10:46Can you roll up your window before my hair starts to frizz?
00:10:48Oh, I'll turn on the air conditioners
00:10:50No, don't, I'll freeze
00:10:52Oh, look, just forget it
00:10:54What are you doing?
00:10:56Would you be careful with my car?
00:10:58What? Would you relax?
00:11:00We're going to a party
00:11:02I want you to enjoy yourself
00:11:08We're going in there
00:11:14Come on, Evelyn
00:11:16Never judge a book by its cover
00:11:18You should know that
00:11:20You're a librarian
00:11:23Shhh
00:11:35Be careful, Evelyn
00:11:37Don't touch the bikes
00:11:39Don't even go near them
00:11:41But I want to
00:11:45Hi
00:11:47Hi, Henry
00:11:53Hey, Wallace, man, how you doing?
00:11:55Good
00:11:57Welcome
00:11:59Um, Henry, this is Evelyn Weinman
00:12:01My date for the evening
00:12:03Hey, Courtney Hanks, hi
00:12:07Hey, Wallace, man
00:12:09You should have come by yourself
00:12:11There's plenty of beaver in there
00:12:17He's kidding
00:12:19Okay, let's go on in and say hi, Evelyn
00:12:21Go on inside, there's food and stuff in there
00:12:23Have a good time
00:12:25Thanks, we'll see you later
00:12:27Oh, uh, don't drink too much
00:12:29No, no, just going to have us one beer, that's all
00:12:45Are you all right?
00:12:47Oh, yeah, that's why I wear a brain bucket
00:12:50Hey, that was my beer, man
00:12:52That's another reason
00:12:54Oh, uh, Evelyn
00:12:56I'd like you to meet, uh, Dimitri Ferber
00:12:58They call me Squirt
00:13:00You want to know why?
00:13:02Uh, no, you don't want to know
00:13:04Wallace, hey
00:13:06How are you?
00:13:08I'm sorry I didn't meet you at the door, but I was upstairs screwing my wife
00:13:10Um, Evelyn
00:13:12Uh, this is Buddy Wheeler, the president of the Road Warriors
00:13:14Masters, Road Masters
00:13:16Road Masters
00:13:18I'm sorry I didn't mention the dress for this, though
00:13:20You're going to be a mess before you leave
00:13:22Look, can I get you something like beer or wine or methadone or something?
00:13:28Well, if she needs meth, we can get it for her
00:13:30No, thank you
00:13:32All right, well, let me show you around here
00:13:34This is the crew, and well
00:13:36I would be in remission in my duties if I did not offer you some dip
00:13:38Thank you
00:13:40Uh, you are, uh
00:13:42Roy Boy
00:13:44Roy Boy, right
00:13:47Hell, we did but miss our dinner reservations
00:13:49They're delicious, go ahead
00:13:51Mmm
00:13:53Mmm, unusual taste, but a familiar aroma
00:13:55Are these homemade?
00:13:57Ah, fresh from the can
00:14:01Uh, could, uh, Evelyn, hold on one second
00:14:03Uh, excuse me
00:14:05Can I just talk to you, Buddy?
00:14:07Buddy, what is going on here?
00:14:09You're committing an incredible number of infractions
00:14:11Hey, it's a party, huh?
00:14:13But Buddy, you can't do this
00:14:15You're under court supervision
00:14:17You've got to comply with the judge's orders
00:14:19You are breaking the law
00:14:21Well, this is my abode
00:14:23Now, how can I be breaking the law?
00:14:25I don't know
00:14:27I think there might be a few drugs here
00:14:29No, no, no
00:14:31Guns? You're shooting off guns?
00:14:33I told him not to do that
00:14:35Poor Kitty is going to be pissed
00:14:37You want a lombada?
00:14:39Good news
00:14:41They're having a party, sir
00:14:44What do you want me to do?
00:14:46Arrest them because I wasn't invited?
00:14:48Get this
00:14:50I want the roadmaster's collar to get me elected
00:14:52You know what to do
00:14:54Hey, Hank, you having a good time?
00:14:56Oh, Larry, yeah
00:15:02It feels like it's time to go water the horses
00:15:04I know, yeah
00:15:06I can't go fast enough
00:15:08You know what?
00:15:10Why don't you come with me?
00:15:12No, no, no
00:15:14I've got a lot of work to do
00:15:16I've got a lot of work to do
00:15:18I've got a lot of work to do
00:15:20I've got a lot of work to do
00:15:23I'll show you
00:15:25A keg goes through you faster than you think
00:15:27It's probably the stress from the trial, right?
00:15:29Yeah
00:15:33One of life's real pleasures
00:15:35You know it
00:15:49Maybe we should forget about this bush
00:15:51It'll be a good one if we get a bean on it
00:15:55Well, Kitty, look who's here
00:15:57Hey
00:15:59It's the guest of honor
00:16:01Hi, Wallace
00:16:03Oh, come here
00:16:05Hi
00:16:07Hi
00:16:09Oh, Kitty, it's a lovely party
00:16:11Thank you
00:16:13This is Wallace's new friend, Eleanor
00:16:15Elephant
00:16:17Elephant
00:16:20Evelyn
00:16:22Hi, Evelyn
00:16:24Welcome
00:16:34How's it hanging, guys?
00:16:36Hi, Larry
00:16:38Whoa, who's the new talent?
00:16:40Oh, no
00:16:42Excuse me
00:16:44You need a pal
00:16:46Yeah, there's no reason to really worry about it
00:16:48It won't stain, it's just beer
00:16:50It doesn't stain
00:16:54More dip, princess
00:17:00Leonard, you all right?
00:17:02You okay?
00:17:04Evelyn?
00:17:10Wallace?
00:17:12You stay here and play with your friend
00:17:14I'm leaving
00:17:17That was my fault
00:17:19Excuse me
00:17:21Evelyn, hold on
00:17:23Wait a minute
00:17:25Women
00:17:27Evelyn
00:17:29Hold it
00:17:31Just hold on
00:17:33Wait a minute
00:17:35Evelyn, stop
00:17:37Wait a minute
00:17:39Evelyn
00:17:41Wait one minute
00:17:43Stop
00:17:45Look out
00:17:47Look out
00:17:49Evelyn
00:17:51You're leaving the scene of an accident
00:17:53Oh, come on, you don't need her
00:17:55Let her go
00:17:57You don't understand
00:17:59I left my wallet in the glove compartment
00:18:01She's no good, she's no fun
00:18:03She's like a nun
00:18:05You know why they call them nuns?
00:18:07Ain't got none, don't want none, ain't gonna get none
00:18:09Let's go see if Gypsy's finished, all right?
00:18:11Who's Gypsy?
00:18:14You haven't met Gypsy, have you?
00:18:16You just fit
00:18:26Get in there
00:18:38Get in there
00:18:40Get in there
00:18:44Hey, Fras, how are you?
00:18:46How you doing, Gypsy?
00:18:48Wallace, this is Gypsy
00:18:50This is the man who's gonna put the Roadmasters on the map
00:18:52Yeah, that'll do it
00:18:54What happened to his eye?
00:19:00Never mind
00:19:02Why wasn't he in court?
00:19:04Hey, he wasn't involved in that, all right?
00:19:06He's 24 hours a day in here working on this beautiful bike
00:19:08Yeah, work is play to me
00:19:10Hey, man, three quarters, Fras, will ya?
00:19:12Yeah
00:19:14I got a bad left side, here
00:19:16Where?
00:19:18I got a bad left side
00:19:22Gypsy, this is the suit that got us off
00:19:28I want to shake your hand
00:19:30Where is it?
00:19:36Thank you for taking care of my brothers
00:19:40Get me out of this thing, will ya, Fred?
00:19:46There's not another bike like this in the whole world
00:19:50Nope, she's top fuel
00:19:52Yeah
00:19:54She's a Harlett-Davidson, 117 cubic inches
00:19:58Burns 100% nitromethane
00:20:00Fuel injected
00:20:02This baby
00:20:04This baby goes zero to 170 in a quarter under eight seconds
00:20:07Two-speed training?
00:20:09Lock-up clutch
00:20:11Very nice
00:20:13Yeah, you know what's special about Waltz?
00:20:15Uh, no, I don't
00:20:17Huh? No
00:20:19Fuel injector right here, I designed it myself
00:20:21I get some big money behind me, big money sponsored
00:20:23I'm gonna make the Roadmasters famous
00:20:25I'm proud of you, Gypsy
00:20:27Really
00:20:29I love you, Fred
00:20:31Love you too, Gypsy
00:20:33No, I love you
00:20:35No, but I love you just as much
00:20:37No, but I love you
00:20:39Yeah, but come on
00:20:41I'm sorry, you okay?
00:20:43Okay, it's alright
00:20:45I'll tell you what pisses me off
00:20:47You know what pisses me off?
00:20:49Bad weather
00:20:53No
00:20:55Nobody takes drag bike racing seriously
00:20:57There's no TV coverage
00:20:59None, no sponsors, nothing
00:21:01You know why?
00:21:04Why do things bikers are just drunken, greasy dopeheads?
00:21:08Oh, I see you haven't been inside at the party yet
00:21:14Help me get this thing out of here, Bert
00:21:16Okay
00:21:18No, it's the other way
00:21:22Where's the seat?
00:21:24Don't need no seat
00:21:26Doesn't that hurt?
00:21:28Of course
00:21:34Wallace
00:21:36Yeah, give me my scarf
00:21:38Around my neck
00:21:40Give me my helmet
00:21:42Is this thing loud?
00:21:44I bet it is
00:21:46You want to disturb the neighbors?
00:21:48Yee-haw
00:21:50Gypsy's fired up his motorcycle
00:21:52Yee-haw
00:21:54Yeah!
00:21:56Yeah!
00:21:58Yeah!
00:22:00Yeah!
00:22:02Yeah!
00:22:12Yeah!
00:22:14Whoa, whoa, whoa
00:22:16Whoa, whoa, whoa
00:22:18Whee!
00:22:20Yeah!
00:22:22Whoa, whoa, whoa
00:22:24Whee!
00:22:26No!
00:22:28What happened?
00:22:31He exploded himself
00:22:33Saddled up
00:22:35My old
00:22:37Forty-seven
00:22:39Saddle tramps
00:22:41Hard in my chest
00:22:45I rode out of
00:22:47The hill country
00:22:49Just south of Austin
00:22:51Made out here
00:22:53In the wild west
00:22:57But the trails
00:22:59Are all gone
00:23:01Leaving only
00:23:03The highway
00:23:05Trying to find
00:23:07Some place I
00:23:09Ain't been
00:23:11A good old
00:23:13American iron
00:23:15Riding cowboy
00:23:17Keeping my heart
00:23:19Two wheels
00:23:21To the wind
00:23:29Hey, fellas, smile!
00:23:49Oh!
00:23:51Should have used a longer lens
00:23:53Uh, buddy
00:23:55Yeah
00:23:57Yeah.
00:23:58That really was a very touching ceremony.
00:24:00Thank you, Wallace.
00:24:02And I'm very truly sorry for your loss.
00:24:04Thank you.
00:24:06Where's everybody going now?
00:24:09We're going to bury Gypsy.
00:24:10Well, what was that service for?
00:24:12His bike.
00:24:14His bike?
00:24:16Wait a minute.
00:24:17Wait a minute, buddy.
00:24:18You mean you've got a dead coffin in the truck?
00:24:20Wait, you can't do that.
00:24:21Hey, you want to ride back here with me?
00:24:23It's probably pretty crowded in the truck.
00:24:25Uh, no.
00:24:26That's OK, man.
00:24:27This is your space.
00:24:28Suit yourself.
00:24:29Get right in here.
00:24:30Let's get in the truck.
00:24:33Hi.
00:24:34I don't think we've met.
00:24:35Wallace Wolfby.
00:24:36He ain't going to talk much this trip.
00:24:38Oh.
00:24:39Oh!
00:24:40Shh.
00:24:41Shh.
00:24:42Shh.
00:24:43Shh.
00:24:44Oh!
00:24:45Shit!
00:24:46Gypsy!
00:24:47What is he doing in here?
00:24:48This is his funeral.
00:24:49It's his last run with us.
00:24:50He rides up here.
00:24:53What's your problem?
00:24:54If I didn't jump in the back of the truck,
00:24:55Labyrinth would have left me behind.
00:24:56Oh!
00:24:57Oh!
00:24:58Oh!
00:24:59Oh!
00:25:00Oh!
00:25:01Oh!
00:25:02Oh!
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00:29:12Oh!
00:29:13Oh!
00:29:15Thank you.
00:29:16That didn't hurt.
00:29:20Looks like thanks and love again.
00:29:42Can I help you?
00:29:45Just let me know if I can't.
00:29:47Don't do it.
00:29:48I don't see the light.
00:29:54I want to know.
00:29:58I want to know.
00:29:59I just got to know.
00:30:00I just got to know.
00:30:13Don't eat those heads.
00:30:14They're out of date.
00:30:15I've been meaning to throw them out.
00:30:16Couldn't do the trots, buddy.
00:30:30Throw me some more clothes!
00:30:31There they go!
00:30:32Now!
00:30:36Hey, look!
00:30:37He can fly!
00:30:38Yes!
00:30:39Ha, ha, ha!
00:30:40Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:30:44I can fly!
00:30:46Yeah!
00:30:47Ow!
00:30:48Ow!
00:30:49Take it off!
00:30:50Oh, yeah!
00:30:51Take it off!
00:30:52Here we go!
00:30:53And out!
00:30:54And out!
00:30:55Yeah!
00:30:56Oh!
00:30:57Oh!
00:30:58Oh!
00:30:59I did it, man!
00:31:00Throw it here!
00:31:02Thanks.
00:31:04I want to know.
00:31:07Shoot Wilder's outside.
00:31:08You're kidding me.
00:31:09I want to know.
00:31:10I just got to know.
00:31:11Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:31:12Just go take care of it.
00:31:13Yeah!
00:31:16Eight ball in the side pocket.
00:31:18Hey!
00:31:19I want to bury your children!
00:31:24That side pocket.
00:31:25Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:31:26Come on, buddy.
00:31:27You're cheating.
00:31:28No.
00:31:29No, you've got to call your shots.
00:31:30I did.
00:31:31I won.
00:31:32Hey, Larry.
00:31:33Get some outside.
00:31:34We've got to take care of it.
00:31:35Let's go.
00:31:42What did I miss?
00:31:49Oh, this is a heck of a funeral.
00:31:52Stop off to drink a little beer, shoot a little pool, live nude dancing.
00:31:58Oh, I'd hate to see what these guys do at a bachelor party.
00:32:01Sleep, baby.
00:32:02Sleep.
00:32:03Now.
00:32:04Now.
00:32:18Yes!
00:32:19Ha-ha!
00:32:20How's it going, huh?
00:32:22Woo-hoo!
00:32:25Throw me a club.
00:32:27Oh, whoa.
00:32:28I want to know.
00:32:29Would you like some water to return?
00:32:33Yeah, pull that string.
00:32:34Oh, that's lovely.
00:32:35She's going to tie that.
00:32:36Man.
00:32:39It's better.
00:32:40I want to know.
00:32:41I can't wait.
00:32:51Very patriotic.
00:32:53Get something that would stand up and salute.
00:32:55Absolutely.
00:33:01Thank you.
00:33:08Hi, I'm Sunny.
00:33:09Can I get you anything?
00:33:12Uh-huh.
00:33:14Four beers.
00:33:15I'll have the same.
00:33:16Four.
00:33:19Hey, Sunny, how you doing?
00:33:20My name's Hank.
00:33:21Horny Hank.
00:33:23Horny Hank?
00:33:24Where'd you get a name like that?
00:33:26Uh, I earned it.
00:33:29Hey, Sunny.
00:33:30Hey, what's a good-looking girl like you doing in a place like this?
00:33:33It's only temporary.
00:33:34I sold my car to get a boob job.
00:33:36I could make it in show business.
00:33:38You had a boob job?
00:33:39No!
00:33:40No!
00:33:41Those look very natural, don't they?
00:33:43Nice work.
00:33:44Boy, I could never tell.
00:33:45I mean...
00:33:46Yeah.
00:33:47Exquisite.
00:33:48It looks so real to life.
00:33:49I swear.
00:33:50Very natural-looking, Sunny.
00:33:51Thank you.
00:33:52Hey, Sunny.
00:33:53Uh...
00:33:54We're going to Las Vegas.
00:33:56You like motorcycles?
00:33:57You going to Vegas?
00:34:00I've got a girl, she walks all the time
00:34:05I've got a girl, she walks all the time
00:34:10She walks so much, I'm about to lose my mind
00:34:15She's always going, boy, she never stops
00:34:19She's always going, boy, she never stops
00:34:24Sometimes I think she's going to blow her top
00:34:32What's that for?
00:34:33Oh, that's the trophy the gypsy never got a chance to win.
00:34:36Oh, that's nice.
00:34:37Didn't you ever see The Wild One?
00:34:39I was The Wild One in law school.
00:34:42Not by that hard to believe, huh?
00:34:44Yeah, a little bit.
00:34:49Come in, Sheriff Julep.
00:34:51Hello.
00:34:52Hey, were you there?
00:34:53Well, now, of course I'm here.
00:34:54Where do you think I was?
00:34:55Out romancing some sheep?
00:34:57Well, I was just going on a speed trip
00:34:59to see how you like your new car.
00:35:01Hell no, I ain't in a bar.
00:35:04I'm out here behind the billboard.
00:35:06I'm sitting in this new hot rod the county give me.
00:35:09Did you catch any perpetrators?
00:35:11Did I catch any what?
00:35:12Perpetrators.
00:35:13That's what I'm out here trying to catch.
00:35:15You just leave me alone and let me do my job, you damn fool.
00:35:18Now get off the radio.
00:35:19Deputy down, what's that?
00:35:20Deputy.
00:35:26Oh, mother Mary of Jesus.
00:35:29I got me a stampede.
00:35:38Oh, what the hell?
00:35:41Shit!
00:35:45Oh!
00:35:58Open it.
00:36:04In there.
00:36:07Let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:36:09Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:36:12Hello?
00:36:13Hello?
00:36:14Come in here.
00:36:15Hello?
00:36:17In here.
00:36:22Help in here.
00:36:24Shoo, I...
00:36:27What the hell are you doing in here?
00:36:30The roadbusters assaulted me, sir.
00:36:32When did they leave? Where did they go?
00:36:34They left about 30 minutes ago.
00:36:36They said something about Las Vegas.
00:36:39Vegas?
00:36:41What's the best route to Vegas?
00:36:42Just stay straight on this road.
00:36:59Buddy, I need to talk to you about something.
00:37:01Can we go?
00:37:02I don't think so, no.
00:37:04Buddy, I...
00:37:06I gotta go.
00:37:07What's the matter?
00:37:08I gotta go.
00:37:10Buddy?
00:37:11Buddy, excuse me.
00:37:12What are we stopping here for?
00:37:14Are you gonna rob the place?
00:37:15No, we're gonna have dinner.
00:37:16Oh, dinner.
00:37:17Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37:18I thought we were just going to Vegas
00:37:19and turning right around and coming back.
00:37:21Four or five hours, you said.
00:37:22But this is better.
00:37:23Makes more sense.
00:37:24I'm a little hungry.
00:37:25Let's just go eat.
00:37:26Let's eat, everybody.
00:37:27Inside, come on.
00:37:28You hungry?
00:37:29Let's eat.
00:37:30Take your time, fellas.
00:37:31We're eating.
00:37:32What's his problem, buddy?
00:37:33Hank, I can't eat here.
00:37:34I'm a vegetarian.
00:37:35Oh, don't worry.
00:37:36They got plenty of three-bean salad.
00:37:38Hey, listen, Sonny.
00:37:39I was wondering,
00:37:40could I borrow back some of that money I tipped you?
00:37:44Don't worry.
00:37:45It's my treat.
00:37:46Thanks.
00:37:47You gotta come with us to the mall.
00:37:49It's gonna be so cool.
00:37:50I know, but I have so much work.
00:37:52Well, just do it tomorrow.
00:37:53I'll tell you when you're sleeping over.
00:37:58Hello.
00:37:59Welcome to Billy Bob's Western Barbecue
00:38:00and Swedish Smorgasbord.
00:38:02I am Billy Bob.
00:38:03Good.
00:38:04Uh, is there gonna be a long wait?
00:38:06Oh, yes.
00:38:07About 35 minutes.
00:38:09Oh, that's too bad.
00:38:10Yes.
00:38:11How many in your party?
00:38:17Oh, I see my party's already arrived.
00:38:19Folks, there's gonna be a 30-minute wait.
00:38:21All these people are ahead of us.
00:38:23No.
00:38:25All right!
00:38:36It seems as though you are next.
00:38:48Well, how do you folks do it?
00:38:55Pardon me, but could we use this table?
00:38:57Oh, sorry.
00:38:58You're very generous, huh?
00:38:59Let's move these tables together.
00:39:01Hey, good thinking, Joey.
00:39:02Have another joint, man.
00:39:04I love this dude.
00:39:05I can eat that, can't I?
00:39:06No problem.
00:39:07Have a nice day.
00:39:08Enjoy your meal.
00:39:09Y'all go back.
00:39:10Now you're here.
00:39:11All right.
00:39:12All right.
00:39:13Cut it.
00:39:14All right.
00:39:15It's the last time he's doing this.
00:39:16I'm sorry.
00:39:17I'm sorry.
00:39:18I didn't mean to.
00:39:19Give him a snack, Kenny.
00:39:21Don't you start.
00:39:22I would be happy to take your order now.
00:39:24Buddy, order everything.
00:39:26I mean lots of everything.
00:39:28Okay.
00:39:29Order lots of everything.
00:39:31Eight of the Billy Bob's blazing braised and barbecued beef bonanzas.
00:39:36And then also eight of the Billy Bob's Swedish meatball dinners.
00:39:41On the Swedish meatball dinners, maybe four totally western,
00:39:45two hot, and two of the spicy, spicy burn your tongue for sure.
00:39:50Okay?
00:39:51And a pickle.
00:39:52Yes.
00:39:53And a pickle.
00:39:55Very good.
00:39:56Anything else?
00:39:57Fat Frank?
00:39:58Yeah, that sounds good.
00:39:59All the same.
00:40:00Okay.
00:40:01Let's see.
00:40:02Feel free to try our smorgasbord.
00:40:05Oh, yeah.
00:40:06Hey, I'm first in line in the smorgasbord.
00:40:08What's the kitten getting?
00:40:09Hey, stop pushing.
00:40:10Come on.
00:40:11Hey, hurry up.
00:40:12Hey, I wanted to get the little smorgasbord.
00:40:15Hey, you know what, snarky dog?
00:40:18Fat Frank, you know what snarky dog means?
00:40:22It means all you can eat.
00:40:37Perfect.
00:40:40Okay, come on.
00:40:41Settle down.
00:40:42Hey, come on.
00:40:44Settle down.
00:40:45Come on.
00:40:47Bless our bikes and bless our food,
00:40:49and we hope our old ladies are in the mood.
00:40:51That's the thing.
00:40:52Hey!
00:40:53Hey!
00:40:54Hey!
00:40:55Hey!
00:40:56Hey!
00:40:57Hey!
00:40:58Hey!
00:40:59Hey!
00:41:00Hey!
00:41:01Hey!
00:41:02Hey!
00:41:03Hey!
00:41:04Hey!
00:41:05Hey!
00:41:06Hey!
00:41:07Hey!
00:41:08Hey!
00:41:09Hey!
00:41:10Hey!
00:41:11Hey!
00:41:12Hey!
00:41:13Hey!
00:41:14Hey!
00:41:15Great.
00:41:16Good thinking.
00:41:17Because you can never tell when opportunity comes knockers.
00:41:19Knock.
00:41:20Good enough to eat.
00:41:22What are you doing?
00:41:25I'm eating fruit.
00:41:27The doctor said it was good for me.
00:41:30Not with the peel on it.
00:41:33He said to eat whole foods.
00:41:38Uh, Sonny, um, I'm really getting to like you.
00:41:42I like you too, Hank.
00:41:44Oh.
00:41:45Uh, well, I was wondering, uh, well, if I could ask you,
00:41:49well, what I, can I ask?
00:41:51Oh, man.
00:41:52Would you wear my sweatshirt?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55Wow, really?
00:41:56Oh, this is great.
00:41:57Here.
00:41:58Oh, this is great.
00:42:00Great.
00:42:01It's for you, you know, and your boobs.
00:42:03You really take that horny stuff seriously, don't you?
00:42:05Well, you gotta take it seriously these days, Sonny.
00:42:08Why are they doing that?
00:42:10We're eating.
00:42:11Oh, salad.
00:42:14Damn, you know, these beans are good.
00:42:17Not too many beans, Larry, please.
00:42:19We left the city for some fresh air.
00:42:21Oh.
00:42:31All right.
00:42:33Everybody put their silverware down and pull out their wallets.
00:42:36I want to see some ID.
00:42:38I didn't call the police.
00:42:40Great, we've had it now.
00:42:42Just relax, will you?
00:42:43While it's up, I'll get something.
00:42:47So what seems to be the problem, officer?
00:42:49The problem is I've been chasing you and your friends
00:42:52ever since your hasty convergence into my jurisdiction.
00:42:55Oh, yes, well, we apologize, officer,
00:42:57but we're on our way to a funeral.
00:43:00You sure are your own.
00:43:02No, you see, we really gotta get there,
00:43:05and we just don't have too much time.
00:43:07Well, now, sometimes going too fast can slow you down.
00:43:10Now, you get outside and you stand by your motorcycles.
00:43:13I'm gonna decide each and every one of you.
00:43:18I think we should do what the officer says.
00:43:21This is your plan?
00:43:23Yeah, Billy Bob, would you wrap up our orders to go?
00:43:26Sure. Let's just go.
00:43:28Let's just...
00:43:30go.
00:43:32Oh!
00:43:34Go!
00:43:36Pat Frank, will you take care of it?
00:43:38Will you take care of it? Let's just go.
00:43:41Let's just go.
00:43:43Let's just go.
00:43:45That's right. Keep on moving.
00:43:48You don't give me any trouble, I don't give you any trouble.
00:43:51Go on out there.
00:43:53I'm not owing anything.
00:43:55You have your license and your registration ready.
00:43:57You get out there and stand by your motorcycles.
00:43:59Take that drunk out there and put him in the back seat of my car.
00:44:03And stop that whistling.
00:44:05Did anybody pay?
00:44:07Killer chick.
00:44:09Thief of services.
00:44:11Oh, great. Grand Theft Barbecue. Perfect.
00:44:13All right, open the damn door!
00:44:18I'm warning you, fat boy.
00:44:20You mess with me, I'm gonna deflate your flat.
00:44:22Good. I'm gonna get you.
00:44:32Where'd everybody go?
00:44:34I'm here.
00:44:37I'm here.
00:44:45Buddy, come on along.
00:44:55Buddy, looks like you're doing it again.
00:44:57I got the magic touch.
00:44:59I hate what she said.
00:45:01Hey, Buddy. What?
00:45:03We're here to fight.
00:45:04No, let's just have one beer and then get going.
00:45:06We got a lot of work to do, man.
00:45:07Nah, we should start a fight.
00:45:08Yeah?
00:45:09And do you have to drive so fast?
00:45:11Yeah.
00:45:12I know, but we're bouncing around so much,
00:45:14you're gonna ruin my new boobs.
00:45:16Oh, gee.
00:45:17Why don't you just tighten up your bra,
00:45:19and that'll give you extra support.
00:45:21All right.
00:45:22Hey, let's start a fight.
00:45:23My butt is killing me.
00:45:24Yeah, just once, I'd like to ride in a car.
00:45:27I have candies in my throat.
00:45:29Sonny, did your boobs shake?
00:45:31Oh, don't worry, Candy.
00:45:33I have an 800 number to call in case of an emergency.
00:45:37Where's the phone?
00:45:40She told you.
00:45:41Looks like she's got rocks in her bra.
00:45:43Oh, stop.
00:45:44You know, I'm getting bigger boobs, too.
00:45:46You don't need them.
00:45:47You got a great body.
00:45:49I'm pregnant.
00:45:51But Buddy doesn't know.
00:45:52I want to be there for the big event.
00:45:55What, for the first?
00:45:56No, when you tell Buddy.
00:45:59Play the winner.
00:46:03Eight ball.
00:46:04Is that the one with the stripes?
00:46:06Ten bucks a ball.
00:46:07Okay.
00:46:08Fine.
00:46:14Stripes.
00:46:15Eleven ball, corner pocket.
00:46:20Is that your foot?
00:46:21Nine ball, side pocket.
00:46:24Ten ball, four pocket.
00:46:27Ten ball, four corner there.
00:46:31Thirteen ball, corner pocket.
00:46:34Fifteen, inside.
00:46:38Twelve ball, corner pocket.
00:46:39Here he goes, getting his butt kicked.
00:46:41That's it, girl.
00:46:42Give me it.
00:46:43Eight ball, four corner pocket.
00:46:52Solids.
00:46:57Six ball in the corner pocket.
00:47:09I win.
00:47:10Oh, gee.
00:47:11I may have left my wallet in my night table.
00:47:16Roy boy.
00:47:19Pay the man, huh?
00:47:22Hey, hey, hey.
00:47:23You can't count with me.
00:47:25You take travelers' checks, don't you, Bubba?
00:47:28What do I look like, a bank?
00:47:35Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.
00:47:36I'm pregnant.
00:47:37Yeah, congratulations.
00:47:56Oh.
00:48:05Hey, squirt.
00:48:06Get a picture of this.
00:48:08Hey, come on.
00:48:09This is good stuff.
00:48:10Buddy.
00:48:11What?
00:48:12Where's squirt?
00:48:13I don't know.
00:48:16Squirt.
00:48:19Get me the hell out of here, you grass-ass son-of-a-bitch bastard.
00:48:23Get me out of here.
00:48:24What the crap are you, some kind of goddamn terrorist?
00:48:27You eat with that mouth?
00:48:29You see, the way I figure it,
00:48:30them motorcycle buddies of yours ain't gonna leave you in here forever.
00:48:33They're gonna come back for you.
00:48:34So until they do, I'm holding you responsible for 25 traffic violations.
00:48:42I'm sorry.
00:48:43We're closed.
00:48:44There's no more food left.
00:48:46The last group ate everything.
00:48:49Were they a bunch of uncouth barbarians whose presence was offensive to everyone?
00:48:53You know them?
00:48:54Where are they now?
00:48:55Sheriff Tulip arrested them.
00:48:57Great.
00:48:58But they all got away.
00:48:59Shit.
00:49:00All except for the little guy.
00:49:04I'm not greedy.
00:49:06I'll take them one at a time.
00:49:10Hey, me first, me first.
00:49:16Buddy, this is the law we're dealing with.
00:49:18You leave this to me.
00:49:19Whatever you say.
00:49:20I'll just go in and I'll pay the fine and we'll be on our way.
00:49:23Whatever you say.
00:49:25Buddy, if you really did whatever I said,
00:49:27you'd never be in this mess in the first place.
00:49:29Whatever you say.
00:49:31Please stop saying that.
00:49:32Whatever you say.
00:49:42Wait!
00:49:43Whatever you say.
00:49:46Where is he? Where is he?
00:49:47Here?
00:49:48He's right down there.
00:49:49He's right down there.
00:49:51So, what did you do?
00:49:52Give me another three years of probation, huh?
00:49:54Huh? What did you do?
00:49:55Shut up!
00:49:56I'll leave you two alone for your attorney-client privileges.
00:49:59You need me, you holler.
00:50:03We need him. We need him.
00:50:06Well, what are you going to do to get me out of here?
00:50:08I'm going to kill all of you guys!
00:50:13I had a promising career before I hooked up with you guys.
00:50:17I could have had it all.
00:50:20I could have had a Mercedes with a car phone.
00:50:22I could have had a luxury yacht.
00:50:26I could have billed $300 an hour.
00:50:29But now it's all a pipe dream.
00:50:40Hey, what are you doing?
00:50:43Buddy!
00:50:44Squirt, what happened to you?
00:50:45What happened to me?
00:50:46I go take a crap for an hour and a half.
00:50:48I come back and everybody's gone.
00:50:50Get me the hell out of here, would you?
00:50:52Look, don't worry. Everything's going to work out.
00:50:54Well, I ain't worried. I'm panicked.
00:50:56Who is that? Buddy?
00:50:57What do I do? A sheep's anger?
00:50:59No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't do that.
00:51:01No jailbreak. No jailbreak. No!
00:51:03I could get you out legally.
00:51:05Don't do it!
00:51:09Okay, Cheryl! Okay!
00:51:11I'm ready to come out with all of you!
00:51:14Hi.
00:51:15What's your hurry?
00:51:16I just want to confront my associates regarding this case.
00:51:28Get me out of here.
00:51:29No, no, no, Buddy, Buddy, Buddy! Wait, Buddy, Buddy! Stop!
00:51:32Buddy, Buddy, hold it! You can't do this!
00:51:34You're looking at 20 years, Buddy!
00:51:37Buddy, you can't do this!
00:51:39You're looking at 20 years!
00:51:42Chill out, man!
00:51:43Buddy, there's a better, legal way!
00:51:46Stop this madness!
00:51:48Listen to me!
00:51:55Wait in the car, Shoo-Water. I'll deal with this vermin.
00:52:01Holy shit!
00:52:02I believe you're holding a prisoner that belongs to me.
00:52:04Now, now, wait a minute.
00:52:06If you're talking about that garbage-mouthed little motorcycle weirdo I got back there,
00:52:11you're going to have to wait in line.
00:52:12What are you talking about?
00:52:13Well, there's some sleazeball young attorney in here a minute ago said he wanted him.
00:52:20Don't mind that.
00:52:22We're on a fault line. You get used to it.
00:52:25All right, you listen to me, you big, dumb country bumpkin.
00:52:28Either you start cooperating with me or I'll have the Attorney General in here so fast
00:52:31you'll be managing a Puppin Taco before you know what happened to you.
00:52:42You've dialed 9-7-6-S-E-K-S, your hot sex line.
00:52:46Press 1 for hot lesbian love under the sun.
00:52:49Press 2 for male dominance.
00:52:51Press 3 for animal sex.
00:52:53Press 4 for...
00:52:55You pressed 3 for animal sex.
00:52:57Well, thanks for watching my dog while I'm out of town, huh?
00:53:00No problem.
00:53:02So long, Shep. See you next week.
00:53:04Hi, Shep. You're a good doggy, aren't you?
00:53:07Wanna go for a walk?
00:53:09I'll wear the collar this time, huh?
00:53:13You've got a bone of your own.
00:53:16Gee, that's real nice.
00:53:18Are you gonna be long?
00:53:20Tell him you're gonna be late.
00:53:22Shit.
00:53:26Come on, come on, make a noise.
00:53:34Ain't it strange how the earthquake only hit the rear of the building?
00:53:38Where are the cells?
00:53:39Rear of the building.
00:53:49Don't make sales like they used to.
00:53:51No, wait! Get back in there!
00:53:58So long, puppy.
00:54:00Please, get back in the cell.
00:54:04Take me home, boy.
00:54:08You, Weiler, what are you doing here?
00:54:10I told you to wait in the car.
00:54:11You're under arrest.
00:54:12Get him out of here.
00:54:22I'm fine. Leave me alone. Just open the door.
00:54:30The house.
00:54:33Sir, would you mind getting my seatbelt?
00:54:39Get off my lap.
00:54:41I'm sorry.
00:55:09You know, about that house...
00:55:11Am I getting another tour?
00:55:13Wouldn't it be nice if we could afford a house out here?
00:55:17Away from the city.
00:55:18You show me a house we can afford and I'll show you we can't afford it.
00:55:38I'm sorry.
00:56:08I'm sorry.
00:56:38I'm sorry.
00:57:09Oh!
00:57:14Party with us.
00:57:28What the heck are those guys doing?
00:57:30They're gonna get themselves killed.
00:57:35Is this a typical weekend for you guys?
00:57:37Nah, we usually party real hard.
00:58:02Don't get a chest cold.
00:58:08Watch out.
00:58:14Yeah!
00:58:19Hey! Hey!
00:58:23I didn't mean anything by that. I was just looking, that's all.
00:58:26He was showing me and I was looking.
00:58:32Hey! Where are you guys coming from?
00:58:34What the hell is going on here?
00:58:36You know, some girl just showed her his tits.
00:58:38Were they real tits?
00:58:40Hey, what are you guys doing here?
00:58:42We're just gonna drive along.
00:58:44There's beer in this truck, Roy.
00:58:46I don't have any money or anything like that.
00:58:48Well, just relax, partner. Leave the driving to us.
00:58:51Hey, fellas, room for one more?
00:58:53Three!
00:58:55Three!
00:59:07Are you from the State Attorney General's office?
00:59:09Yes, I am.
00:59:11I must be psyched. Here, put this on. Sign right here.
00:59:17Raleigh Hoover.
00:59:19You're Raleigh Hoover! I knew it!
00:59:21Can I have your autograph? I got your autograph.
00:59:23I'm a big fan of yours. I hate scumbags, too.
00:59:25You got my vote, sir.
00:59:27Thank you very much. Does this thing carry napalm?
00:59:29Hey, it's nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning.
00:59:32Remember that? Yeah.
00:59:34Wheeler!
00:59:36Where's the rest of your department?
00:59:38I'll give them all the points that you lie off.
00:59:40Nothing ever happens around here on the...
00:59:43I'll go call them back.
00:59:45Wheeler, you radio me the minute you hit the other side of town.
00:59:49I'm gonna flush them out from up above
00:59:51and they're gonna come running straight at you.
00:59:54You got that, Dick?
00:59:56Yes, sir. You can count on me, sir.
00:59:58Yeah, right.
01:00:00Flush them!
01:00:02All right, sir!
01:00:04Let's go get those scumbags!
01:00:10Hey, Colby!
01:00:12Hey!
01:00:21Heaven's supposed to be
01:00:23A place where you can get most anything
01:00:27Just by luck that old liquor store
01:00:30Would be out above the king
01:00:33Yeah, that's one important thing
01:00:36That they just have not talked about
01:00:39One thing would ruin heaven
01:00:42Anything you had to do without boys
01:00:45Have they got? No fair!
01:00:47In heaven, that's what I want to know
01:00:51If they ain't got? No fair!
01:00:53In heaven, who the hell would want to go
01:00:57Just to shoot some hot suds
01:00:59With bells above if the bubbly brew don't flow
01:01:03If they ain't got? No fair!
01:01:05In heaven, who the hell would want to go
01:01:35Oh!
01:02:05So what do you guys do?
01:02:07All get drunk and go get tattoos?
01:02:09Yeah, pretty much.
01:02:11Do they all have special meaning?
01:02:13Yeah, like this one here.
01:02:15This is where I'm from.
01:02:17South Kododa?
01:02:19I know, I know. The guy screwed up.
01:02:21It's supposed to be North Kododa.
01:02:23Kododa? South... It's Dakota.
01:02:25Oh, man.
01:02:27Ah, being up here,
01:02:29It's like being in all over again, sir.
01:02:33If we only had napalm,
01:02:35We could defoliate these woods,
01:02:37Save the taxpayers some money.
01:02:39By the way, who are we after anyway?
01:02:41Libyans? Terrorists?
01:02:43Drunk smugglers?
01:02:45No, bikers.
01:02:49Oh.
01:02:51Don't you ever do anything again
01:02:53Without a twenty-five hundred dollar retainer.
01:02:55Can you help me with my license back?
01:02:57No, I won't.
01:03:00Why don't I have some beer?
01:03:02I should be shot for helping you guys.
01:03:08Gotcha!
01:03:10Oh, shit!
01:03:30Oh, shit!
01:03:35Wait till I tell the guys
01:03:37I was on a raid with riley hoover.
01:03:39This sure as shit
01:03:41Beats grunt dustin, sir.
01:03:47I told you to watch your ass, keeler!
01:03:51Help me!
01:03:53Get down!
01:03:55Ah!
01:03:57Oh, no, buddy!
01:03:59Oh, my god, he's been shot!
01:04:01I thought we were just gonna scare him!
01:04:03They are scared. Look at him run.
01:04:05Oh, buddy!
01:04:11Do it!
01:04:13Help!
01:04:25Just look at the scumbag scatter!
01:04:27That's the problem with bikers.
01:04:29They're a bunch of pussies.
01:04:35Help me!
01:04:37Excuse me!
01:04:39Help!
01:04:43Oh, my god, they shot gypsy!
01:04:45He doesn't mind! He's already dead!
01:04:47Hurry up!
01:04:49Come on, go, go, go!
01:04:53Come on!
01:05:05What am I gonna do?
01:05:07What the hell am I gonna do?
01:05:09I was robbed!
01:05:11I was robbed!
01:05:13It wasn't my fault.
01:05:15It's not like...
01:05:17I lost an entire beer truck.
01:05:19It was stolen from me.
01:05:23Yeah, but a good captain always goes down with his beer truck.
01:05:27Oh, who's gonna believe me?
01:05:31That's it.
01:05:33I'll come up with a better story.
01:05:35Yeah.
01:05:37Then nobody will be mad at me.
01:05:41That's what I'll do.
01:05:43I'll figure it out now.
01:05:47I'm two miles east on Verdugo Crest.
01:05:49I'm coming your way.
01:05:51Move, dick.
01:05:53Roger, sir. We're moving south on County Highway.
01:06:03Oh, no.
01:06:05What the hell are you doing out here
01:06:07walking down the middle of the road?
01:06:09Come on, pull yourself together.
01:06:11What is your name?
01:06:13Name's Lloyd. Lloyd Kukla.
01:06:15Everybody knows that.
01:06:17Lloyd, you've been drinking.
01:06:19You don't understand.
01:06:21I didn't have any food.
01:06:23I had to drink the beer.
01:06:25I had to drink it in order to survive.
01:06:27How long have you been wandering around here?
01:06:29A couple hours.
01:06:31You can't die of malnutrition in a couple hours.
01:06:33No, sir. You're shit-faced.
01:06:35Look, I'll tell you what happened.
01:06:37I'll tell you everything.
01:06:39Now, I don't know where they came from,
01:06:41but there were hundreds of them,
01:06:43maybe more,
01:06:45and they came swooping down out of the sky.
01:06:47Wait a minute.
01:06:49You trying to tell me you was attacked by aliens?
01:06:53Yeah, motorcycle alien guys.
01:06:55They were motorcycle alien guys.
01:06:57Can you tell me all about it?
01:06:59I'm telling you the truth.
01:07:01They were little guys with bug eyes,
01:07:03and then there was a big guy,
01:07:05but I don't know if he was an alien or not.
01:07:07Oh, I never wanted to get shot.
01:07:09Now I know why.
01:07:11Oh, look it, buddy.
01:07:13You know, the judge charged you to behave,
01:07:15but what do you do? You ignore him.
01:07:17I know.
01:07:19And you take the world masters on a run.
01:07:21Now you're shot. I mean, buddy, take a hint.
01:07:23I'll take a hint. I'll take a hint.
01:07:25Give me a hint. Just get my mind off this.
01:07:27I'll play with you. Give me a hint. Come on.
01:07:29I'm pregnant.
01:07:31Okay, okay, that's Johnny and the Falcons.
01:07:33Big hit in 52, right?
01:07:35No, no, I'm having your baby.
01:07:37Oh, Paul Anka. Paul Anka. Is that it?
01:07:39I'm gonna get it.
01:07:41Buddy, we're gonna be a family.
01:07:43Oh, that's fine, a family.
01:07:45Oh, never mind.
01:07:59All right, I got the stuff.
01:08:01Is he dead?
01:08:03Here, I got everything. Is he all right?
01:08:05Yeah, he's all right.
01:08:07Bandages, disinfectant, cotton balls.
01:08:09Hey, where's my sandwich?
01:08:11How can you eat now? He's bleeding.
01:08:13Here, have some pickles.
01:08:15No, those aren't marshmallows.
01:08:17I said those are cotton balls. Come on.
01:08:19No, no, no, Mr. Rabbit.
01:08:21Don't leave. I'll be good.
01:08:23He's dying!
01:08:25I'm not dying.
01:08:29Hey!
01:08:31You want to move that piece of shit out of the road?
01:08:33Please?
01:08:35What the hell is this?
01:08:37Come on, give your priorities.
01:08:39I'll take care of this asshole.
01:08:41Let me out of here.
01:08:43Buddy, no!
01:08:45I'm fine. I'm perfectly awake.
01:08:47Grab him, guys.
01:08:49No!
01:08:51I don't like it.
01:08:53I'm gonna watch the back.
01:08:55No!
01:08:57You all right?
01:09:03Watch out.
01:09:23Buddy?
01:09:25Buddy?
01:09:27Johnny.
01:09:35Buddy!
01:09:37I can't believe you're still riding with the Roadmasters.
01:09:39I can't believe you're still in one piece.
01:09:41You crazy son of a bitch.
01:09:47Fellas,
01:09:49look over here.
01:09:51I want you to meet the co-founder of the Roadmasters Cycle Club,
01:09:53Johnny Lewis.
01:09:55Hey, all right.
01:09:57Shit, it was a long time ago.
01:09:59Yeah, boy, all right, Johnny.
01:10:01So what have you been doing all these years, huh?
01:10:03Well, I just got back from jumping the Mayan pyramids.
01:10:05It was a closed circuit pay-per-view.
01:10:07I'd like you to meet my chiropractor, Dr. Jack Erhart.
01:10:09Jack Erhart, hang on.
01:10:11Well, that's actually better.
01:10:13Uh-huh, he's a master manipulator, this guy.
01:10:15Let me tell you.
01:10:17Johnny, I want you to meet Kitty.
01:10:19Kitty Johnny, Johnny Kitty.
01:10:21All right.
01:10:23Wow.
01:10:25Yes, she's my wife.
01:10:27Oh, excuse me.
01:10:29Yeah, I need this guy with me all the time now.
01:10:31When you hold as many jump records as I do,
01:10:33you wind up with more screws and bolts in you than the Golden Gate Bridge.
01:10:35He really should retire.
01:10:37Doc, you know, I think I'm walking on a screw.
01:10:39In your shoe?
01:10:41In my foot. Probably fell out of my ankle.
01:10:43Oh, that's better.
01:10:45What are you doing around here anyway, the old haunt?
01:10:47Yeah, well, this judge told us
01:10:49we weren't allowed to leave the county for three years,
01:10:51but we got to bury our brother, right?
01:10:53I see that.
01:10:55Yeah, now we got this asshole D.A. chasing us,
01:10:57and he just shot my ass.
01:10:59You better have that wound attended to.
01:11:01He's a great horse surgeon. Doc, take a look.
01:11:03No, no, no doctors.
01:11:05Gee, look at you.
01:11:07Running from the law on the Fourth of July weekend.
01:11:13I tell you, buddy, I miss the old days.
01:11:15Why don't you meet us?
01:11:17Let's go to the old campground over on Route 9
01:11:19and join up with us. Come on.
01:11:21I'd love to. I'm going to Nevada,
01:11:23jump the fountains at Caesar's Palace.
01:11:25Like hell you are.
01:11:27Cable, I tell you what, you still got the same old clubhouse?
01:11:29Yes, we do.
01:11:31Just lay off of that.
01:11:33Well, I'll drop back through on the way back.
01:11:35How about it? We'll have some beers,
01:11:37pump back a few cases, have some fun.
01:11:39Take it easy.
01:11:41Good to see you, buddy. Be good.
01:11:43Give me some help.
01:11:45Come on, help me on.
01:11:47I'm riding.
01:11:49Come on, I'll ride, I'll ride.
01:11:51Come on, up we go.
01:11:53Buddy.
01:11:55Oh, honey, just hold on to me.
01:11:57I know.
01:11:59Uh-huh.
01:12:01Is he still shot?
01:12:07Oh, God.
01:12:09Oh, God, it hurts.
01:12:11What is it?
01:12:13Oh, God, it hurts.
01:12:15Ow, ow.
01:12:17Do something.
01:12:19Buddy, is it your leg?
01:12:21No, it's a big rock under my butt.
01:12:23Jeez, buddy, let me get...
01:12:25It's so uncomfortable.
01:12:27Whoa, wow, look at that.
01:12:29Hey, can I see?
01:12:31Yeah, quit bellyaching, buddy.
01:12:33You'll be better in a minute.
01:12:35Hank?
01:12:37Yeah?
01:12:39Device grips.
01:12:43Let's clean these up a little bit.
01:12:45What are you gonna do?
01:12:47Oh, you'll see.
01:12:49This is gonna be extremely painful.
01:12:51Oh, gosh.
01:12:53All right, here we go.
01:12:55Here we go.
01:12:57Okay, hold him down now.
01:12:59Squat down, buddy.
01:13:05The operation's a success,
01:13:07and the patient died.
01:13:09It's a modern technique.
01:13:11Modern technology is so right.
01:13:13Here's a souvenir for you, bud.
01:13:15Here, take a chug of this.
01:13:17What is it?
01:13:19It'll kill the pain.
01:13:21Come on, buddy.
01:13:23Didn't hurt his thirst, none.
01:13:25Pass it on.
01:13:27Here, here.
01:13:45Now that's what I call a wine cooler.
01:13:47All right.
01:13:49Hank? Huh?
01:13:51What's that?
01:13:53Oh, it's a punch.
01:13:55Well, they're soft.
01:13:57Then why are they drinking it?
01:13:59Sonny, when we're up the creek,
01:14:01this shit's our paddle.
01:14:09Come on.
01:14:11No way, Jose.
01:14:13I'm Jose. It's me.
01:14:15Squirt. Squirt.
01:14:17Squirt.
01:14:19This looks like something I may not like.
01:14:21Come on, Jose.
01:14:23Don't say that.
01:14:25I remember when I looked like something you may not like,
01:14:27but you like me, right?
01:14:29Yeah.
01:14:31So looks aren't everything.
01:14:33Give it a try. That's all I ask.
01:14:35Just give it a try,
01:14:37put it to your lips,
01:14:39and put it down your throat.
01:14:41Come on, Wallace.
01:14:43Come on, like a man, like a man.
01:14:45Go, go, go.
01:14:47Go, go, go.
01:14:49Go, go, go.
01:14:51Go!
01:15:05Is that so bad?
01:15:21Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:15:27Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:15:35Oh, hey.
01:15:37I love you, Gabbo. I love you.
01:15:39Gabbo.
01:15:45Ha, ha, ha.
01:15:47Eye by eye.
01:15:53Eye by eye.
01:15:55Eye by eye.
01:15:59Shit, it's a bear!
01:16:01Run!
01:16:03It's a grizzly!
01:16:05No! It's a grizzly!
01:16:11A bear!
01:16:13A bear!
01:16:15Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:16:21Damn!
01:16:23I can't stand it.
01:16:25You should see your faces.
01:16:27You got one of those bears there?
01:16:29Give me one of those bears.
01:16:31Come on, I'll pass it over here.
01:16:33Don't be so greedy.
01:16:35Bad bear breath.
01:16:37I'm thirsty.
01:16:39Yeah.
01:16:43I'm sorry I scared you guys.
01:16:45No, really.
01:16:47I guess it was a dirty trick, you know.
01:16:49Hey!
01:16:51Be sure to put out that fire before you break camp.
01:16:53Buddy,
01:16:55you know what your problem is?
01:16:57You're going through a midlife crisis.
01:16:59It's normal
01:17:01for a man of your age.
01:17:03Kitty's right.
01:17:05Maybe you drunk enough beer.
01:17:07Maybe you party enough for one man.
01:17:09Think about a nice little house
01:17:11where you can both plant a garden.
01:17:13Or screw all day.
01:17:15You're going to have a baby now, buddy.
01:17:17A family man now.
01:17:19Come on, wise up.
01:17:21Yeah, but
01:17:23what about the club?
01:17:25Roadmasters
01:17:27is a state of mind.
01:17:29You'll always be a roadmaster.
01:17:33Which is more than I can say
01:17:35with that little mouthpiece over there.
01:17:37Oh, me?
01:17:41Son, you're special.
01:17:43You have the knowledge
01:17:45and the power to help people.
01:17:47So do it for goodness sake.
01:17:49Be a leader, not a follower.
01:17:51For Pete's sakes,
01:17:53get some balls, man.
01:17:55Get some balls!
01:17:59Uh, Mr. Bear?
01:18:01How could I live a better life?
01:18:05Fella,
01:18:07your mind is withered to a heap of dead brain cells.
01:18:09If I were you,
01:18:11I'd buy a thousand lottery tickets
01:18:13and keep my fingers crossed.
01:18:15Cool.
01:18:21I'm going to go hibernate with my old lady.
01:18:29And remember,
01:18:31only you can prevent forest fires.
01:18:35Oh, my.
01:18:37There.
01:18:39Wow.
01:18:41Wow.
01:18:47Add more to this fortress.
01:18:49It must be taller.
01:18:51It must be stronger.
01:18:53It must be impenetrable.
01:18:55It will smash the roadmasters.
01:18:57All right, you heard him.
01:18:59Stop your crown-nosing and get to work.
01:19:05I'll tell you something, Doc.
01:19:07There are 435 fault lines in California.
01:19:09Johnny giving a rest, are you?
01:19:11I'm going to jump every one of them.
01:19:13You crashed once, pal. You're never walking again.
01:19:15I can hardly walk now.
01:19:25Wow, look at all that heat.
01:19:27Hey, you don't suppose?
01:19:31We better warn them.
01:19:35Come on.
01:19:53Hey, buddy, buddy, wake up.
01:19:55Ah!
01:19:57Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
01:19:59Oh, Johnny, what are you doing here, man?
01:20:01Oh, God.
01:20:03Oh, Jesus. Wait, buddy, buddy.
01:20:05I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby.
01:20:07Oh, I'm kidding. I'm going to have a buddy.
01:20:09Bobby, I'm going to have a biker. I'm going to have a baby.
01:20:11Oh, my God.
01:20:13Look, congratulations, but before she pops one out,
01:20:15listen, trouble at Verdugo Crest.
01:20:17Oh, man, what are you talking about?
01:20:19Heat.
01:20:21State troopers, National Guard, they got a roadblock.
01:20:23All right, that's Hoover.
01:20:25Look, you guys, get out of here. You got nothing to do with this.
01:20:27I don't want to get you guys into trouble.
01:20:29No way, man. We're sticking with our bros.
01:20:31Well, what are we going to do?
01:20:33Think, think.
01:20:37Buddy, remember 73?
01:20:39The run to Monterey?
01:20:41Right.
01:20:43They didn't want motorcycles in the city.
01:20:45Right.
01:20:47So they surrounded the whole place with cops.
01:20:49Well, what happened?
01:20:51We got arrested. They took our bikes.
01:20:53Six months in jail.
01:20:55What a stinking little hellhole that was, too.
01:20:57Six months? Oh, great.
01:20:59We're halfway out of his territory.
01:21:01He doesn't belong here legally.
01:21:03Gypsy's almost home. We're real close to Vegas.
01:21:05Hey, it's the 4th of July. You want to have some fun?
01:21:07This is the land of the brave and the home of the free, huh?
01:21:09What about that home? Are we going to get our home now, buddy?
01:21:11Oh, please, just for a minute.
01:21:13I just want to know.
01:21:15Okay, what do you got in the back of your truck?
01:21:17We got a Stairmaster for my knees.
01:21:19Okay, a Stairmaster might not be all that much help.
01:21:21Got other stuff?
01:21:23Yeah, we got lots of stuff.
01:21:25Good.
01:21:27I got an idea.
01:21:30Come on, come on!
01:21:55Be careful, man. This thing could go off.
01:22:00Hey, where's Quirt?
01:22:02Yeah, but he's not helping.
01:22:05Quirt!
01:22:09That was a real cheap taco.
01:22:30Bring it on!
01:22:36Urgent phone call for you, sir.
01:22:38It's the Attorney General.
01:22:40Attorney General!
01:22:42I'll take it.
01:22:48Hello.
01:22:50Well, happy 4th of July, Mr. Attorney General.
01:22:52Hoover, what the hell is going on out there?
01:22:54What are you doing?
01:22:56Well, the Roadmasters are about to cross into Nevada, sir.
01:22:58Don't you think the Roadmasters have cost the taxpayers enough, Hoover?
01:23:01Besides, you've broken more laws than they have.
01:23:04Now, I want that roadblock disbanded right now.
01:23:07You send those troopers home.
01:23:09Let Nevada worry about the Roadmasters.
01:23:11Then we're rid of them.
01:23:13And as for you, Hoover, I want you in my office
01:23:15as fast as you can get back here.
01:23:18And that's an order!
01:23:20Yes, sir.
01:23:22I'm gonna run you over.
01:23:25I'm gonna run against that guy.
01:23:28What did the AG say, sir?
01:23:31He said, keep up the good work.
01:23:34Bureaucratic butthole.
01:23:40All right, get ready, men! Here they come!
01:23:49What the hell is that thing?
01:23:55Here we go.
01:23:57How you doing?
01:23:59Pretty good.
01:24:01Yeah, good.
01:24:03I can't see a thing.
01:24:05Well, then let me hold your glasses in.
01:24:07Oh, okay.
01:24:09You're welcome.
01:24:25Oh, good, they're gonna put up a fight.
01:24:29All right, get ready, men!
01:24:31Get ready, men!
01:24:37All right, now, wait for my signal!
01:24:40Wait for his signal!
01:24:42Wait for his signal!
01:24:54There they are!
01:24:58Holy shit!
01:25:01Whoa!
01:25:03It's a new world record!
01:25:06Look behind you!
01:25:11No!
01:25:30Whoa!
01:25:37Whoa!
01:25:45Whoa!
01:25:49Oh, shit!
01:25:52Oh, shit!
01:25:58I'm gonna get those guys.
01:26:04All right!
01:26:22Ah, the weekend just flies by when you're having a good time.
01:26:26And in appreciation of Wallace's role in our escape,
01:26:30we made him a roadman.
01:26:32All right, roadman!
01:26:34So now the only thing left to do
01:26:37was to deliver Gypsy to the Fenske family in north Las Vegas.
01:26:52Who is it?
01:26:54We're some friends of Gypsy's.
01:26:56I don't know no Gypsy.
01:26:58Isn't this the Fenske residence?
01:27:01I look like some kind of Fenske to you?
01:27:05Not really.
01:27:07The Fenske's moved to Cincinnati two years ago.
01:27:10Cincinnati?
01:27:12Gypsy never told us anything about his family moving to Cincinnati.
01:27:16But we did our duty and finally found them.
01:27:20We did our duty and finally we buried our fallen brother.
01:27:24Well, they say that heaven is some sort of paradise.
01:27:28So I guess Gypsy's up there right now partying with some angels,
01:27:33which isn't all that different from what he did down here.
01:27:37Yeah, but the next problem was getting back from Cincinnati.
01:27:41But that's a whole other story.
01:27:43Okay, now, smile. Look at the camera.
01:27:46Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie.
01:27:49Oh, that's so precious.
01:27:51Lean into it, boy. You've got to lean into it.
01:27:54That was so cute.
01:27:56It's a natural. Are you kidding?
01:27:58Don't go too fast, Harley, or you're going to get in trouble,
01:28:01just like your dear old dad.
01:28:03Don't worry about it. Wallace will take care of it.
01:28:05Honey, I'm so hungry. Will you get in there and order me lots of food?
01:28:08Are you? You're not.
01:28:10No, no, I just didn't eat breakfast.
01:28:15I'll bet Harley's waiting for some lunch, too, aren't you, honey?
01:28:18I think maybe he'll have a little bit of what he's having.
01:28:21You just cut it out. Get me something.
01:28:24Chili cheese fries.
01:28:26One chili cheese fries, come.
01:28:28See, Harley, you've got to remember,
01:28:30never wet your cycle, because it'll rust.
01:28:33Can you remember that, Harley?
01:28:44Sir, may I take your order?
01:28:47Wheeler.
01:28:48Hoover!
01:28:50I see you're still serving the public.
01:28:54Hoover, what do you think you're doing?
01:28:56You can't slug a customer? Yeah.
01:28:58If you do it one more time, I'll fire you.
01:29:02Yes, sir, Mr. Meyer.
01:29:04Hoover, get this guy two free drinks.
01:29:06Yes, sir, Mr. Meyer. And I need a ride home, too.
01:29:09The customer is always right.
01:29:12I'm sorry, sir, he's new.
01:29:17Well, Hoover, let me see now.
01:29:20What do I want?
01:29:22Uh, let's see.
01:29:24I think I'd like one chili cheese fries extra hot.
01:29:29Oh, and my kid wet on that cycle out there.
01:29:33Could you clean that up?
01:29:36Yes, sir.
01:29:43Oh, Hoover!
01:29:51I've got a $5 bill that's all of my money
01:29:55But I'm gonna see you, cause you're my honey
01:29:58I've taken all the grief I can stand, girl, you know it's true
01:30:04So the boys and I, we're gonna make a little rally
01:30:10We're gonna be right over, cause it's time that I rescued you
01:30:16Just put your high heels on and your big head too
01:30:20Don't tell your mama what you are about to do
01:30:23Cause she might just misconstrue
01:30:26I just come to get you
01:30:29I just come to get you
01:30:34I got no fear of this, you know I can't stand that
01:30:37Cause everybody's trying to tell me where it's at
01:30:40I'm trying to say I don't know how to live, but you know I do
01:30:46I spend my time being me, trying to pull myself out of the blue
01:30:52So you can back off, brother, cause you know you never paid my dues
01:30:59Now my baby and me, we're gonna make some time
01:31:02So honey, get it ready, cause we're going down the line
01:31:05And there ain't nothing that they can do
01:31:09There ain't nothing they can do
01:31:33I've got a five dollar bill that's all of my money
01:31:49But I'm gonna see you, cause you're my honey
01:31:52I've taken all the grief, I can stand, girl, you know it's true
01:31:57So the boys and I, we're gonna make a little rendezvous
01:32:04We're gonna be right over, cause it's time that I rescued you
01:32:10Just put your high heels on and your wig head too
01:32:14Don't tell your mama what you are about to do
01:32:17Cause she might just misconstrue
01:32:20I just come to get you
01:32:24I just come to get you
01:32:28I got no fear of this, you know I can't stand that
01:32:32Cause everybody's trying to tell me where it's at
01:32:35I'm trying to say I don't know how to live, but you know I do
01:32:41I spend my time being me, trying to pull myself out of the blue
01:32:47So you can back off, brother, cause you know you never paid my dues
01:32:53Now my baby and me, we're gonna make some time
01:32:57So honey, get it ready, cause I'm going down the line
01:33:00And there ain't nothing they can do
01:33:03There ain't nothing they can do
01:33:07I just come to get you
01:33:10I just come to get you
01:33:13I just come to get you
01:33:16I just come to get you
01:33:19I just come to get you
01:33:23I just come to get you