Love Off The Grid S02E04 (2024)
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00:00You
00:02I
00:04I
00:28Lauren was out here for a few days, but she had troubles adjusting to tight quarters
00:32This is the old camper, you know, I definitely wouldn't want to stay in this right now
00:36I know they're still building the property up, but I think they're not actually set up to host someone even overnight
00:43We'll figure this out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really can envision myself living off-grid
00:50But I'm not ready to live out here until we have more space. I
00:55Love you daddy. No, I love you too, baby girl
01:02Lauren will come back once we have more space. But for now, it's just me and the Queen
01:06I thought that Lauren would come out here and adapt pretty easily because she was already into the whole
01:12Having a green thumb and being around animals and stuff like that
01:16Maybe she's not as tough as I thought. I
01:19Feel so free out here. You can have sex anywhere out here on this property. Yes. That is one of the many things we can do
01:26I
01:29Never expected a life like this. The ultimate goal is like 100% sustainability not having to leave the property for anything
01:38It's a dream that Joe has and I love him that much that I want to help him get his dream done
01:44Cannot wait to turn this into our kingdom
01:47Damn, right
01:50Build it up for the babies
01:53I've always wanted to be the first of things
01:56The first wife having the first child that kind of thing, but I mean, it's a poly relationship
02:02So realistically it may not work out that way, but I'd be mad as hell if Lauren got pregnant before me. I
02:12Know you didn't just boot my for here like
02:16Got it, though
02:18Okay
02:19Now that it's just the two of us. I think it's time to get Joe focused and serious about having a baby
02:25You ready to have a baby out here? Let's fill this property up. I like that
02:31How many?
02:32No, no
02:34Six or ten. Yeah, it works
02:38I've always wanted to be a father
02:40To have someone else to call your own to share things with you got to give somebody your currently skills
02:46Oh, yeah, they're all gonna learn
02:48The only limit to the amount of children. I've won is our financial ability
02:52It's important to raise our kids to take the responsibilities of the property as we get older because dying
02:59alone without
03:01Someone to pick up the torch. I'll be damned if that's gonna happen to me
03:05I want boys and girls
03:07Yeah, I need my girl though to look like you. I need the long red hair
03:13blue eyes, but my skin complexion
03:16That's gonna be weird, right? But it's cute. I want it. I need a little chocolate, baby
03:21As chocolate as I can get them. I don't care what they look like. I
03:25Do I want to be able to look at one and see myself?
03:29You think I'll be a good mom? Oh, yeah
03:36I've always wanted to be a mom
03:38Ever since I was a little girl because I came from a big family and I want him to feel that same love
03:44But me and Joe have been trying to have a baby for like a year and I thought by now we would have already
03:50been pregnant
03:52Probably we're ready for babies in nine months. Give me nine months from any time and I'll get it ready. I
03:58Don't actually know what could be causing me not to get pregnant
04:03It just makes me nervous because ideally I would like to have his child first and I will be pissed if he got somebody else
04:09pregnant before me
04:15All
04:25Right before we get breakfast going I want to talk to everybody about what y'all expect while we're here
04:31I'm definitely overly protective and the boys they want a little bit of independence
04:36So like I'm trying to give the boys a space
04:40To find their place here on the mountain
04:44Tarion
04:45He's always missing
04:49But I'm concerned with where they are or how they feel about being here
04:54So I want to see where their head is because for me when I first started coming up here
05:00Was a challenge
05:02He's not freaking out about being here there, right?
05:05He seems to like the woods
05:08Charlie's concerned with whether they want to be here as they are getting older
05:13How is this gonna work, you know kind of projecting into the future and
05:18It just feels like this is way too soon. They just got here, you know, let's get a little established and gel together
05:26first before bringing up the future I
05:30Kind of want to know how you guys feel since you've been here for a little you know a little bit where your thoughts about
05:36Being up here. It's a little like uncomfortable from the tip grounds kind of hard
05:41But like I slept pretty good. I mean, I don't really like this mountain, but I also do I like you guys
05:52Since the boys have been here the biggest
05:56Lesson that I've learned is to listen to what they're saying and I want to get the boys input on
06:04What we build
06:05You know, I know we we have tent city and this isn't the way you want to live
06:10But it's the only thing that we can do right now fair enough
06:13I mean, it's not a city. It's just three tenants, right? I know you don't want to live in a tent forever
06:18so this is kind of the idea to have you here and to get to do stuff that
06:23I've always done is important very important to me
06:27But what's more important is to know that this could be your base count for the rest of your life
06:31And that this is base count now that you appreciated enough in the future that you could come back
06:38I'm just confused a little bit. Do you want us to live here or do you just want us to visit here? I
06:46Would love for you guys to live close by but it's a whole nother
06:52Transitioning to you know, you guys being grown and not my little boys anymore
06:58Charlie wants them to have a say and their space here so that they feel like this is their home
07:05But I am worried because I don't want him to put pressure on the boys where they don't need to have that pressure
07:14You're 22
07:15Tyrion and Maddox have a different. Yeah, we want of course
07:18But I definitely don't want you guys to feel like we're trying to make you love it here either
07:24But just expose you to things and maybe we can find out how to make all of this work
07:30Jen's biggest concern is for her boys to be comfortable. So they appreciate the mountain but for me
07:37It's very important that the boys have a buy-in on
07:41What we build that way they have stake they have claim and then as they get older
07:47I hope that would have a big enough influence and they would want to be here
07:52No matter what happens. Well, you get married you may
07:56Want to have a little separate place like the shack and then you come and you come into the house and visit us and you
08:02Say hey, we're going to my place over here. I don't know
08:05100% on like little
08:07little places everywhere
08:09Want to build a house and up here that on the land they're welcome
08:13My whole thing is like we would just be coming up here to visit for a couple days or like Christmas or you know
08:18Any type of their holiday, but like if it was just a normal house like in the suburbs you wouldn't build
08:24a whole nother house
08:26For like just you know a few days visit like it since they're kind of just okay as they are
08:31So you just a bird's houses are bigger what a regular house is larger than that
08:37I know the shack larger houses have like extra rooms
08:40But you only see yourself coming here for a couple days at a time. It's kind of where your mind is. Yeah
08:47If none of them want to be part of anything that's going on here it could be devastating
08:54Because Jen might think
08:57If they're not gonna come up here and see me. I don't want to be here
09:01And that's horrifying
09:03All right, I'm gonna be matter-of-fact with you. I know Jen don't like me to talk about it
09:08But if I pass I have no children
09:11And so there's a lot of land here
09:13It'd be nice to know that
09:15At least one of you if not all of you appreciated enough that you wanted to be part of it
09:21Yeah, I guess just depends on you guys's relationship and what happens
09:29Well, I think we know what's gonna happen and reference to us being together, but if you're like hey, we're never coming back
09:35Then it would be not feasible for us to do that
09:39man
09:41Nervous
09:44Cause it's
09:48You know the skills are
09:51They could go either way
10:01How much does this is yours like 20 20 acres 20 a little bit. Yeah, that's great
10:08Feeling really good after finally being here
10:11Seeing land. It's just so beautiful to be here. It's a beautiful lady
10:16The Osage that's gonna go all the way like I'm gonna plan it all along there. I
10:21Really admire the way Arunia lives with land with nature and feel
10:28Hopeful that I could embrace the life that she lives
10:32This is your pond, this is our bath your bath. I
10:37Feel like I might eventually have to try some new things to be here with you
10:42But yeah, I'm gonna have to wait until I feel dirtier than this pond looks before I get in there
10:49I'm pretty happy now that Samuel's here. But after he couldn't handle this lifestyle two years ago
10:55Naturally, I'm always like how much are you committing?
10:58So there's a part of me that's like gonna be testing you a little bit
11:03testing
11:07Poison ivy look everywhere in the path. That's poison ivy. Yeah, that's poison ivy
11:12Yeah, and then we got porcelain all you step on those
11:15It's like really bad and they're kind of poisonous if you like also poisonous
11:18Is that a spider that I was just watching? Oh my god
11:23That's huge
11:25No, oh my god excited to get used to her lifestyle, but really don't know when
11:34I
11:36Threw this beautiful meadow. It's beautiful. I feel like there's a lot of like electricity
11:45Still feel electricity. I know I'm saying there's a lot more electricity that I like
11:51Then I banked on yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't remember last time. I remember last time but that was a long time ago
11:58Mm-hmm. So I just wasn't sure if it like what's you know?
12:03Give you a refreshing
12:11Seeing Samuel give this a go and really try this time makes me think maybe he's ready for this next step of the relationship
12:19The last time Samuel was here. I got pregnant soon after that. I miscarried and I lost the baby
12:27The spark is definitely still there and
12:31Funny thing is that I'm ovulating right now, but Samuel is, you know hesitating and wants to wait
12:41There's gonna have to be like part two of this part two
12:48Yeah, I think I sleep in your bed tonight we co-sleep
12:54The whole family. Yeah
12:56There's nothing wrong with that
12:58I was quite excited for our first night together as I came to Arunia's house
13:03But it's not possible to be intimate sharing a bed with Arunia and her daughter Gaia
13:09Think about how we're gonna find private time. I mean, there's other places to have sex than the bed
13:14You know, we brought a blankie here. It'd be pretty nice a blankie out here. Do you remember the tics, right?
13:20You got one tic. I got a tic last time. I visited Arunia and it was painful
13:26So that's something I'm not comfortable with
13:32Why'd you like have to make that face like it's like what did you expect?
13:38Not to expect that
13:40What but what?
13:45I was hoping we find a compromise and you know
13:49What's the compromise? Have a bed for us to sleep in and build Gaia her own space
13:55That's like very American culture like I'm not from this country and we don't like we co-sleep
14:03Growing up in Eastern Europe co-sleeping was the way it was done. And that's how I want to raise Gaia
14:10The only time that me and Gaia are not co-sleeping is on the rare chance. She is having a sleepover at Lauren's house
14:18We're not building a fucking bedroom for Gaia
14:21Like I'm co-sleeping with my kids as long as they as they want to
14:27Don't you think it's weird if I'm just like Samuel's here like you're sleeping out in the fucking doghouse like what?
14:33So I get the doghouse. No dog sleeps on the couch
14:37So I can't get the couch
14:40Yeah
14:42Arunia can get really stuck on her point of view and it can be hard to
14:48Change her mind about anything and she's pretty adamant about sharing the same bed with her daughter
14:56You can do that and this gives us time to take it slow you can't take it too slow though I
15:04Love Samuel, but I love my lifestyle and I find it hard to be open to this relationship
15:12When he arrives and immediately he's asking to change this and that
15:17At the same time if we're unwilling to find a compromise, then we can't
15:23stay together and
15:25grow our family
15:36You asked me this morning, what am I doing? And I said, I'm gonna try to get work done. I'm gonna stretch
15:41I'm gonna journal. I'm gonna do my thing. I
15:44Had knocks on the door
15:46consistently this morning
15:48Coming into this my expectation was I would have a little bit more privacy
15:54I definitely didn't expect my space to be intruded upon
15:58It's people knocking on the door coming in asking me questions. I have no clue what the answer is
16:06Obviously, I was gonna come in contact with people
16:08I knew that there was a community that Ryan's building but I did not anticipate the amount of time
16:15I would be spending with other people. I
16:18Mean, that's an easy solution
16:20I know but I've asked you this like we've had this conversation before that I need that space
16:25You're living in community Sheila. I understand that. So this is my mission. I hear you and
16:32Yeah, community is part of me
16:35What I'm trying to foster is part of me. You knew all of this before you came a
16:39Lot of people move off-grid to hide and I think Sheila can get overwhelmed by new people
16:47For me that is life. I want people to come I want to create community
16:52I want to create that support network where veterans can feel normal again. I
16:59Want you to be happy here, but I'm telling you things that'll make me happy
17:02It's very simple like set boundaries with people like I don't want people knocking my door first thing in the morning
17:07I would like at least an hour to myself. Like is that too much to ask you have a voice
17:14You can tell people no
17:17So put hours on the door don't knock okay make a sign
17:21Yeah, I'll add it to my to-do list to make myself comfortable. Whatever makes it happen
17:28You know like here you loud and clear soldier. Got it
17:32Ryan is very
17:34Passionate very invested in what he's doing and I love that about him
17:39But I want Ryan to feel like it is his responsibility to make me feel
17:46Comfortable in his space because I have given up so much
17:51To me it's cut and dry. There's easy solutions to all of those
17:54I'm not looking for a solution with the logical minds like really what I want is to feel like I am actually
18:00Connected to you and I'm not just like here. I don't understand where this
18:05Agitation is coming from directed towards me and I don't really want to keep talking about this because it's exhausting
18:11What I want is to feel like you actually give a shit about me. That's where I don't understand. Yeah
18:19If I solve every problem for her I'm gonna have to solve every problem for her for ever I've got so many things going on
18:27You know, I want to empower her to be able to be like hey
18:31I have a voice because that's gonna draw her into the community. It's gonna make her a part of the community
18:38Whether you see it or not, I mean like I want you here
18:44Like I love you
18:46But what what are you doing?
18:48To show me that
18:57You
19:14Joe is putting the ducks in the pond today. They get to get in the water for the first time
19:20Throttle up good girl
19:24We wanted some
19:26livestock
19:27Meat must be a staple of any small farm and ducks are the least destructive when they are free-range
19:41We have like I think roughly 20 ducklings Joe wants chicken, but I don't like them
19:45I have bad childhood memories with them. They used to chase me and peck me. I'm not okay with him
19:50The geese were nice to me. So I went with ducks
19:52Oh
19:54My god, what did you just see that big-ass spider? It's like the size of a fucking toe a
20:00Toe, it's huge. I couldn't think of what else to describe it as
20:04The ducks will eat it
20:07What is it?
20:09Okay
20:13We kept the ducks up near the house
20:15Make it easy to feed them and keep an eye on them and today was a good day to take them down to the pond
20:19And release them with more access to water. I'm using a combination of kennels
20:25To create a pin for the ducks, but it's backwards
20:30So turn it it
20:32The land is backwards. I can make it work
20:36I so don't like it down here
20:40One spider ruins your whole day we'll get them next time. Yeah
20:49I
20:54Love working with Joe out here on the homestead
20:57But right now I'm just thinking about what me and Joe are going through as far as trying to get pregnant
21:03You don't really want to talk about it, but he's outside working
21:07It's time to grab his hand and say hey, let's step off to the side and have a conversation
21:12So, you know like we've been trying for like a year now
21:16Yeah, I have to go see a fertility specialist
21:20I
21:21They have to make sure that like my ovaries and everything are okay that my eggs work
21:27I'm nervous because I don't actually know if you know, I can't have kids or I
21:34Can and it's just gonna be harder to get pregnant. I don't know if my eggs don't work like I
21:40Would be crushed if I couldn't have kids
21:44But also you need to make sure that your soldiers March
21:48That makes it because if it's not me and it's you then we need to be working on another option for this situation
21:56This isn't even one of the problems that I considered when I thought about all the problems that could be out here living off
22:01the grid
22:02You're nervous man. No, it's just something else. We'll have to deal with
22:07So if I can't have a baby, what you gonna do?
22:09We'll cross that bridge when the river floods if you can't have a baby. What are we gonna do?
22:13We'll cross that bridge when the river floods
22:16Okay
22:19He has a great poker face
22:22So you kind of have to push him to talk about his emotions because if not, you'll never know what he's thinking
22:29So, you know like if I can't have a baby I'm gonna be like really sad I
22:34Mean, I'd be okay if my eggs work because I can find somebody
22:38To carry him, but are you gonna pay that money for that?
22:42We talking like five to ten thousand dollars for somebody to carry a baby, all right
22:48I've always wanted to be a father
22:50The long-term goal is a sustainable homestead, but sustainability isn't sustainable if it's not generational. I
22:57know my isha wants to fill this house with children of our own but
23:04Augusta Caesar the most powerful man in human history was an adopted bastard
23:10So I'm not worried about
23:13Potential of my children. It won't
23:16lessen the love in our household I
23:19Gotta go to like a sperm donor and find just a little redhead man that look like you. That's a goat farmer
23:25How do I how do you do that?
23:27If that's the case then I'm just gonna go out in the street find somebody who don't want they baby tomorrow and be like
23:32Hey, we'll take it you good with that. Yeah, but then it's not yours
23:37It
23:39Really annoys me that he's like don't you learn about it like at the end of the day?
23:44He doesn't care how we get kids as long as we get them. He doesn't care if it's biological if it's
23:49adoption like he just doesn't care and I
23:53Do I like knowing that my badass attitude came from my mama and that my sense of humor came from my daddy
24:00Whether I was raised with him or not. I still got it
24:02I want to know that there's a little me somewhere walking around saying bitch, please
24:06Cuz I'm I'm a city
24:08I'm not worried about a baby girl clearly
24:14Realistically we don't have the money to be focusing on seriously and adoption right now
24:19We got to finish this house first, and then we can look into those options and even when we get to those options
24:26That shit is expensive. Don't make it happen
24:30You won't be a mom about one definition or another. I want about the definition that a child is mine
24:36I'm not scared. I
24:39Am I feel like the whole having a baby the whole sperm thing all of that stuff
24:45I don't think it's something that he's actually thought through
24:48If we can't have kids all the plans that we have out here it defeats the purpose of it
24:54You
25:04As you're walking
25:07Three leaves this what poison ivy right and five leaves is poison
25:13Yeah, so now you know what they look like and so what I want to take and show you is how it grows up
25:18and what to look for
25:20Karen and justice they they old enough to go do what they want to do and be on their own right now
25:26Jen's youngest sons. They're still anchored
25:30But as they look to making their own decisions about what they want to do
25:34I hope that we have a big enough influence that they love this place enough that they come and spend time with us here and
25:42Live the lifestyle that we live. What is that boys? No? Yeah, and guess what that is the vine to it
25:49So take your hand off
25:51So you got to be careful
25:54Since the boys got here, I've seen Tyrion out in the woods exploring
25:58We share the same interest in nature and I would like a bond with them
26:02So I'm looking forward to exploring with him in the woods a little bit
26:07That has see the fur. Yeah
26:10Look up there. Yeah all poison ivy. So when you're walking through the woods, you know, yeah
26:16You don't want to strip and fall and put your hand on it or rub your face on it or climb it because you'll be
26:21Eating up with it. Yeah
26:24It's a storm coming from these
26:27What's that?
26:30That's right
26:32Come this way
26:35What's that
26:39That's right, so from here what we're gonna do is try to find
26:47I think I hear rain coming
26:51We need to get in and cover
26:55By inch huge because the legacy of this mountain is important
26:59It's more of a spirit than it is like a geographical location. It just kind of draws you to it
27:06We're out in the woods. The storms come from these
27:10Gonna be bad
27:12Usually when they come from the north or out of the mountains here
27:15It's not a bad
27:17Tyrion is the youngest and if I don't get his approval being here on the mountain at least
27:24some of the time I
27:27feel
27:28That the tide for Jen will change a little bit, you know, she'll be more
27:34Wanting to be there more than she is wanting to be here
27:38Usually when it rains like this, it's time for my afternoon nap
27:45I
27:55Have been here for a few weeks and honestly, I'm having a little bit of a difficult time settling in I
28:02Am a metaphysical practitioner and I am very used to working alone and just being alone
28:10Ryan's vision is to create
28:12Community and to be constantly bringing people out. There's five people living on the land
28:18It's been difficult sharing space with so many other people
28:22Christy yeah. Hey girl. Hey, how's it going? Good cool
28:28I'm taking on the task of letting everybody know the new earthship hours because Ryan is not gonna do it and
28:36This is important to me what kind of tea
28:38Some strawberry hibiscus tea
28:41It's uncomfortable. I don't want to do it, but I know I need to do this for myself. I'm just letting everybody know that
28:48Well, what's going on is the other morning? I had like five people
28:53Knock on the earthship door before like nine o'clock
28:56So I was like I need to set a boundary for myself and just ask that from 10 p.m. To 11 a.m
29:03Um, no knocks on the earthship door. Oh, no problem. Yeah, no problem. I
29:09Can do that for sure. Thanks. Good to see you. Bye
29:13my biggest concern with community is
29:16Having to share space with people that maybe don't have the same vision as me
29:26Hi Chad
29:28Good how are you? All right. Yeah
29:31Are you getting into just yanking up some tumbleweed nice, it's my mortal enemy
29:38so, um, I am just letting everybody know that I
29:44Am setting hours that the earthship is just like kind of off-limits. Yeah
29:48So I can do my thing and keep my business running. So from 10 p.m. To 11 a.m
29:54Okay, just asking I'll be there at 10 o 5 10 o 5 music too loud and dancing on your roof
30:01Chad doesn't take me seriously or he thinks it's funny that I was having issues
30:06Let me know if you need anything and I need the Beatles white album on vinyl. Thank you
30:11I don't know if I'm the woman to make that happen
30:15If I find one, I'll let you know good to see you
30:21Hi Richard, hey Shayla
30:23First roll out for a stroll just checking in with everyone. What are you up to?
30:29I'm studying the position of Saturn right now. I'm sky
30:34How about yourself?
30:35I just finished working and doing my morning thing and the reason I wanted to kind of check in with everybody is
30:41The other day I had like five different knocks on the door. Yeah before
30:47Would you yeah, please. Thank you
30:50It was just like constant interruptions
30:53In my morning routine and it was hard to just get ready for the day be present
30:57Cuz yeah, you're like in the middle of it
31:00But I figured that a solution may be just to ask that nobody come to the Earth ship from 10 p.m
31:06To 11 a.m. I get that it feels so good to be seen with Ryan
31:12That's usually what I'm asking for is just to be seen and to be heard
31:17When Ryan is in soldier mode, it feels very like boxy like closed off
31:22And there's just not space for me. It's like nine day difference talking to Richard and talking to Ryan
31:28We found the only spot of shade. I know very nice
31:40Where is his grave exactly right here to your left? It doesn't look too bad. Does it no
31:47It's not too bad. What a beautiful place. I know it
31:52Taking mom down to where my father's buried and just straighten it up a little bit
31:58It's right down the road. So we visit all the time
32:02I'm gonna clear out some stuff around here
32:10Have a sense of peace every time I come here. Yeah, that's exactly right
32:15My dad had what they call the Widowmaker
32:17heart attack mom caught me at four o'clock in the morning
32:21Said your dad's having chest pains
32:23Time we got here. He was already gone
32:27We buried him right here on the mountain. It was just beautiful how it all played out
32:31Looking back on it. Not every man gets a
32:35You buried the same day in a pine box does he wanted to be buried immediately?
32:39So all my cousins came and then they went to the sawmill and made his casket
32:45We buried in that afternoon at 4 p.m
32:47And everything that he had to ask us to do we did it and we had no regrets, right? That's right
32:53You reckon he's still laughing about
32:56That's burying his keys in his pocket
32:58Probably we actually got his wallet out for identification purposes
33:03But we didn't get his keys out. So we buried him with his keys
33:07We couldn't drive anything for about two days or get in any sheds or anything
33:12He wanted the deer and turkeys across his grave remember
33:17Came down what was about a week later and that he and turkey was standing right here on these rocks
33:21Yeah, exactly. I would love for dad to have been here to see where I am now
33:27The way you and dad raised us and our desire to be a part of something that's doesn't have any fast pace to it
33:34It's it's it's it's solid. It's here. It's not going anywhere
33:38Mm-hmm, just even working in life
33:40I had three really strong years with him before he passed, but it was hard to feel his shoes
33:47He had he had some big shoes to fail
33:50And now I'm 51 years old same as my father when he passed I
33:58Wished I had taken advantage of all the different opportunities I'd had with people around me. Mm-hmm
34:05Charlie's relationship with his father was a very intimate one
34:09Charlie is a little boy could not wait for him to come home in the evening and in his arms
34:14He flew and so of course, I thought that Charlie would have children
34:18I think that he feels a loss that he does miss that. I guess we're all gonna be buried here on mama
34:25I think there's the plan be nice to have that security that Jen's boys
34:30This is somewhere they would want to be to help here on the mountain
34:33So
34:35We're buried here beside daddy
34:37You know, you hope that they love it enough that they can to tend to it and it stays in one piece
34:42Mm-hmm. I believe that Charlie at times has wished that these boys were his and
34:49That things had been different. I think he really does desire
34:55That these boys like him
34:57Jen hates for me to talk about it all the time and I don't want her to
35:01Think I dwell on it, but I still want them to know that I'm gonna be you know a friend son
35:07The only thing I can say is
35:09You can't know until you've walked through it what it's going to be like so with each new day
35:16laugh and eat together and be a family and
35:20Work out the details
35:22It's hard to raise children
35:24But I believe that Charlie is overthinking this because there's just it just comes up so much it's it's an everyday
35:32Everyday situation I've never been a father
35:36Mm-hmm. I don't know how the whole relationship could
35:42Lean on
35:44Whether the boys are going to be happy here or not
35:46The only thing you have to be concerned about is being a sugar daddy a sugar daddy. Yeah, what you mean by that?
35:54Well, they have a father
35:56So only thing you need to do is say yes to everything you can and say no very little
36:05Dang it sugar daddy. I
36:09Should probably listen to mama's wisdom
36:12Yes is create a trust and a safe place because they get nose all the time from their dad and from their mom
36:18So if I can be a yes, man, try to be a yes, man. I
36:22Still want them to be happy and like, you know, yeah, I understand the boys are important
36:29they're important to Jen and
36:32Maybe I am parenting in a way, but I'm not a father
36:39What'd you say don't say no say yes
36:41So yes as many times as you can and say no as little as possible. Well, that's the advice I'm gonna go in
36:52I
37:12Don't daddy you broke the lawnmower and it's just been sitting for about a year and a half
37:19We got to put these flags out, but I gotta talk to you too
37:22um
37:24So the babies, yeah
37:26It bothers me a lot that Joe isn't concerned about whether or not our child is biological or not
37:31This whole having a baby thing is taking a toll on me. It's stressful
37:36And we are not getting it done
37:39I think that he wants to have a child with me, but Joe's not concerned because he can have children with their women
37:45So I'm not bothered by him having children with other women. I just want to have his child first
37:51I feel like I need a mini me and a mini you a mini us
37:57So I got a sperm test. All right that I want you to take and we can send it off. All right and see
38:05What it's looking like down there. I have no objections if this test says that your soldiers don't march
38:13How are you gonna feel I mean that's gonna suck but we just move on to the next option
38:21I've always planned to adopt for every child that I had. I wanted to adopt a child
38:25So I was gonna have six regardless. I mean when I was about the time we start
38:31Looking at outside options
38:34But I don't want to outside option I want to answer option I wanted to be ours
38:39I'm just it sucks less if you've already accepted it. I have not accepted it. I understand. Why are you accepting it?
38:46So I'm not accepting it. I'm just accepting it as a possibility like I would be
38:52Sad because I want a little meat. Oh when we have to finally extinguish that candle of hope
38:59It's going to break me
39:02Well, damn, you ain't never seen a candle of hope
39:05It's going to suck I've never not cared you have like when you say it okay, cuz we can adopt we can have a
39:12Ceregaly, that's what I'm saying. It ain't gonna be fine. Like all of that is like sounding like I don't care. It's fine
39:17Sorry, it never never supposed to come across that way. So you do care? Oh, I care. Yeah, if it's you
39:24Yes, if it's your soldiers, that's not marching. Yeah, you're gonna be sad. Yeah, I'm gonna be sad
39:28I'm gonna be sad. I'm gonna be sad. I'm gonna be sad. I'm gonna be sad. I'm gonna be sad
39:32So just it's not marching. Yeah, you're gonna be sad
39:35Yeah, honey, you need to learn how to tell people stuff because this whole time
39:39I just been thinking you as crazy as hell not caring if we had a baby
39:42It will be okay in the sense that if that candle goes out
39:46We will not be in darkness because we have invested in other candles and options
39:52See that sound like it's okay again
39:56I definitely care more than joe does because joe doesn't care whether we have a child biologically
40:02Any child that we raise he's gonna feel like it's his no matter what
40:06It's a literal cup
40:10Our first baby's gonna look like me and joe or there's not gonna be a first baby aim and shoot
40:17I guess I don't have to put my nut in the cup. All right
40:22You need some help i've been doing it since I was 14, I know what i'm doing
40:28Go for it
40:30I've always wanted to be the first of things
40:32the first wife
40:34Having the first child that kind of thing, but I mean, it's a poly relationship. So realistically it may not work out that way
40:41Put on my watch. I'm completely okay with that
40:45We have an agreement he cannot come into anybody without my permission as long as we openly communicate
40:53I'm gonna hope that he upholds to what he says and just doesn't come into anybody
40:57You can save some for me
40:59I think I have it
41:17Sorry, we didn't have any time last night
41:20That's what it's like when you're a parent like you don't actually like we have to make romance happen like some other way
41:27Since his arrival it's pretty obvious that the sexual chemistry is definitely still there
41:34But we have not been intimate
41:37That ends today
41:39Look where we are
41:43I've brought you to your special shower. I made for you
41:48This is pretty safe like
41:50There are some things in here, but it's like not gonna like it's not gonna hurt you
41:54Like if there's leeches you just like pull them off i've gotten leeches
42:00And like some snakes and like snapper turtles
42:06Getting in the pond is how rania
42:08Cleanses herself, but with the snapping turtles and the leeches and the snakes
42:13This is not such a place that I want to step into naked. What are you really scared of?
42:20mostly the
42:22Snapping turtles the snapping turtle even if it does bite you
42:26Like you're not gonna die from it. They're gonna be snapping off appendages. I don't know if you want that to happen
42:31If you're wanting to start a family
42:34You have two balls, right?
42:37Last time I checked
42:39With samuel i'm genuinely excited to explore the weak points because I think that's how
42:46We can move forward
42:49Okay, let's do it
42:52I don't rip it
42:55Come on, come on
42:58The quicker that he can adapt to this off-grid lifestyle
43:02The quicker we can grow our family and start a future together
43:10Oh, you're ready for this i'm ready i'm hot. Oh, all right. I'm like 95 today. Are you gonna back out now? Nope
43:19Faster faster
43:24All right, you ready
43:33Arunia really is questioning my ability to jump into this lifestyle. I feel like I have something to prove
43:41Oh
43:43That does feel good
43:45It's really cold
43:47Completely mucky. Oh, this is all natural. I feel that
43:56You did it here we are
44:02A little bit
44:17Throwing
44:22I'm sinking
44:28Are you cold? You can keep me warm. Yeah, my body's like on fire. Oh, yes
44:39I'm not a touchy underwater
44:42I believe in you you can do this
44:53That was not a fart
44:58Samuel showed me today that he can take a step outside of his comfort zone
45:03and that makes me feel like
45:06This relationship can go to the next level
45:11So
45:41You