Frasier Season 7 Episode 11 The Fight Before Christmas
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00:00on Frasier. There is absolutely no reason this can't be connected to some submerged anxiety,
00:05I mean what's bothering you? The only women in my life are friends,
00:09Roz and Daphne. Daphne's not even here anymore, she'll be married soon, it's been nice having her
00:15here. I really do love Daphne. It's about Dr. Green, I overheard him say he's in love with me.
00:28Geez, not this. You knew about this? I kept my mouth shut for six years, I'm not saying anything
00:35now. Of course I love you Daphne, but as a friend that's all. When I said to your father,
00:44Dr. Green's in love with me, he said it's been going on for six years now.
00:50What did he mean by that? He meant love, he's crazy about you.
01:03Oh good lord dad, you've been tinkering with that thing for hours. Don't you think maybe
01:08Dadson Santa could sit this Christmas house? Oh I gotta get him ready for your big party tomorrow
01:13night. Oh no need dad, there will be plenty of things to delight my guests. We'll be caroling
01:20and playing games. Oh and I'll be reading A Child's Christmas in Wales to bring the evening
01:26to a close. Well I should do it. Hey Fraser. Oh hello Roz. Hey Martin. I can't stay, I just stopped
01:35by to drop off your punch bowl. Well thank you Roz, say what kind of punch did you serve?
01:41Well first I filled it with ice, then I just poured orange juice and vodka over it.
01:47Well Roz that's just a giant screwdriver. Yeah, so what am I Martha Stewart?
01:57Fine thanks, anyway you know I'm really going to be needing this bowl tomorrow evening.
02:02There's going to be a crowd of guests. I've invited the entire building including
02:06Cam Winston. Oh in the spirit of Christmas I've decided to put an end to our feud.
02:11What are you feuding about? Oh he parks his SUV right next to Frasier's beamer. Yes well that car
02:17is grotesquely oversized. I've often been forced to exit from the passenger side.
02:24Many a time I've been brought to grief on my gear shift.
02:28Why doesn't he just back in? Are you kidding? He can barely hit that space even when the guy's car
02:34isn't there. Hi Roz. Hey Daphne. Bye guys. Are you leaving? Yeah. Actually there's something I'd like
02:45to talk to you about.
02:49What is it? The other day I found out something about Dr. Crane I wasn't supposed to know.
02:56Frasier? No his brother. Apparently he's had a crush on me for years.
03:03Thank God. What do you mean thank God? I've been afraid for months I'd be the one to blow the
03:09secret. You mean you knew? Well everybody kind of did. What and nobody said anything?
03:15Well if Niles wasn't ready to say anything it wasn't our place to do it.
03:19Well who spilled the beans? It was Frasier wasn't it? Yeah but he was the one who said it.
03:25Yeah but he doesn't know he told me. He doesn't? No he was on those painkillers for his back and
03:31well I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane. If I told him he might
03:37tell Dr. Crane and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed. Yeah why confuse things?
03:46The whole thing's just a bit awkward. I don't see why. Niles has a girlfriend now so obviously
03:53he's gotten over you and you're engaged to Donny. I suppose when you look at it like that there's
04:00really no reason to feel awkward. Well there's a Christmas tableau naughty and nice.
04:10Hello Dr. Crane. Hello Daphne. I'd see you inside but I just have to take out the garbage.
04:18It's in my pockets.
04:29Morning everyone. Hey Niles. Hello Niles. Frasier I brought those caroling books you asked for.
04:35Thank you so much. Oh yes here we are preferred songs from a Victorian Christmas
04:44and Elizabethan tidings of joy. Now we're ready to party.
04:50So Niles what do you think? Should we start with the caroling or should we hold off until we've
04:55played a spirited game of the minister's cat? Start with the game then the caroling
05:02then perhaps the guests will be ready for another game. Yeah Russian roulette.
05:06Yes well I'm off. Oh Niles if you're not busy this evening perhaps you could help me string
05:16popcorn garlands. Uh unfortunately I have to see Maris tonight. Maris? What the hell do you have
05:21to see her for? Sadly to pay my condolences it seems our old gardener has passed away unexpectedly.
05:29Oh not Yoshi. Gosh that's too bad. Yeah he had a heart attack when he was out
05:35trimming Maris's elaborate hedge maze. Paramedics never had a chance.
05:45Well I feel bad about Yoshi but are you sure it's a good idea spending the evening with Maris?
05:50Well she's terribly upset. Maris and Yoshi were very close. In fact I remember he once
05:56made a topiary likeness of her and wept without shame when it developed root rot.
06:05Well the problem is I have to cancel on Mel tonight. Oh really? Well Niles if you want my
06:12advice I wouldn't mention Maris to Mel. What? The last thing a new girlfriend wants to hear is that
06:18you're consoling your ex-wife. Well I hate to lie to Mel although I do see your point Frasier.
06:28There he goes.
06:31Dad Santa's back. It's the darndest thing every year when I take him out of the box something's
06:38wrong with him but I always manage to fix him again. Oh good for you dad. I told you to dunk
06:44it underwater. I did.
06:58Hey doc. Merry Christmas. Oh hi Kenny. My station certainly outdone itself this year with the
07:06Christmas in Mexico theme. It was my idea. It hit me when I realized their sauces are red and green.
07:14Oh well that's why you are the boss.
07:21Hey Frasier what time's your party tonight? Please keep your voice down. I'm the only one from the
07:26station I've invited. The only one? Yes. Oh don't worry they'll be scared of people because I invited
07:32everyone in my building. Seven o'clock. Oh Gil. Merry Christmas. And to you Frasier. Thank you.
07:40I hope you saved room for dessert. Have you been baking? I have.
07:48Gingerbread men. Oh my don't they look muscular. Yes well the wife and I made a new year's
07:56resolution. Deb and I have joined a gym to slim down and buff up. We made these to inspire us.
08:03Ah yes nothing strengthens a diet as resolved like a good motivational pastry. Precisely.
08:11Problem is they're so delicious I've already had three.
08:16This is my last little man I promise.
08:22Oh Gil who are you kidding?
08:27No one Gil.
08:31Frasier. Mel. Hello. Oh gosh I never expected to see you here. Oh well I was one of the doctors
08:40on health chat during cosmetic surgery week. I did a segment on breast augmentation. Oh how uplifting.
08:48Yes well Niles is hanging up our coats. So did you two have a good dinner last night? Oh uh no no
08:58actually we didn't have dinner last night. I was too busy planning my party but please don't mention
09:03that to any of my colleagues. They're not invited. Mel. Frasier. Frasier. Glad I saw you. Listen
09:11about last night. If Mel should ask. Oh dear. Oh no. Oh yes. And you. I'm afraid so.
09:19Damn you. Well you're the one that told me to lie to her and now you failed the
09:23best. I'm having a party tonight for 200 people.
09:32Well I won't lie to you doc. This hurts.
09:41I'm terribly sorry. Oh Mel. Mel. Darling. Darling. Please please come here. Great
09:45darling. Sweetheart. Niles. I know. I know. I know you're upset darling but listen.
09:48Please we're at a party. All right. All right. You're right. We'll talk about it later. No no no.
09:53We'll talk about it now. Just put on your party face.
09:59Don't embarrass me as if I could be further embarrassed after you lied to me. I can explain.
10:06No no no. You don't need to. When a man lies about where he's been it's not
10:11hard to guess the reason. So what's the little whore's name?
10:18No no no darling. The reason I told you that I was dining with Frasier was actually I was out
10:26getting your Christmas present. My present. Oh darling. I'm so sorry. I should have known.
10:37I'm so glad you're forgiving me. Or is that your party face?
10:44No of course not darling. So why don't you hang my coat back up and I'll get us something to drink.
10:52Of course. Oh Mel. This is awkward. Oh no no no. Frasier. Niles explained everything and
11:03well I don't like being lied to. I do appreciate why he did it. Oh I'm so glad. Oh hello.
11:12Hello. Chatting are we? Well actually I was just apologizing for my part in your little
11:19misunderstanding. Oh yes. Well then at first you were discussing the present. Oh yes yes. The
11:24present and the future. Maris is all in the past.
11:31Maris. Oh dear.
11:35You were with Maris last night. Well. How dare you.
11:43Anything else in the box Pandora?
11:46No no no. Don't touch me. No. Party face. Party face. No. Don't forget the party face.
11:58You're obviously still in love with her and I'm not about to share you. So goodbye.
12:07Oh Niles. Niles. I'm so sorry. Oh Jane. Frasier don't pretend to be sorry. All you care about
12:13is your precious party that you're hosting tonight.
12:18So
12:42don't be nervous.
12:43Okay bring it on home Daphne. Yes. Daphne Moon everybody.
12:55Bravo. Okay we're taking requests. How about a little silent night?
13:04Oh stop that spot. Those are for the party. In case you haven't noticed I am the party.
13:11Frasier didn't the invitation say seven o'clock? The whole people knew it was for tonight. Stop
13:16worrying they'll be here. I mean they're probably just fashionably late. I mean people do love to
13:20make an entrance you know. Daphne open the floodgates.
13:27Hello. Good evening Dr. Crane. Is Mel with you? Uh no she won't be coming. We broke up. What?
13:37Yeah uh this afternoon. Oh goodness I'm so sorry. Did you try to call her Niles?
13:42Oh I left a dozen messages. Oh and Niles I'm so sorry. How long were you guys together?
13:47Not that long. Still I was optimistic. Yeah well did you talk about moving in together?
13:52Made any long-term plans? This is really bringing out the lawyer in you isn't it?
13:59The bartender actually. I was just wondering how big a drink to make you?
14:03Oh big scotch. All right come on don't worry Niles. We'll fix you up some
14:08good scotch. I'll be right back.
14:11Oh uh thanks Donnie. I don't think this is the time for me to be meeting someone new.
14:15Someone old then you know. An old flame, an ex-girlfriend, someone who got away, huh?
14:23Come on Niles. It must have been somebody you had your eye on before Mel. Donnie please. Can't you see
14:29you're making him uncomfortable? What? I was just trying to help you. I was trying to help you.
14:35Please. Can't you see you're making him uncomfortable? What? I was just trying to help,
14:41honey. See Niles, it's not us. It's the holidays. It makes women crazy.
14:46Haha, hello everyone. Come in, come in. Oh yes, that's very nice. Ladies first. All right now. No crowding, no pushing.
15:08Where are they going? I've got bad news for you. That feud you were having with the guy upstairs,
15:21it isn't over. He's having his own party. Damn him. He's siphoning off my guests. You know you
15:29won't believe this. That dreadful Cam Winston is having a competing party. Oh that's what that was.
15:37I saw a big sign in the lobby. Winston party 2000. Yes, that's his apartment number. Well two can play at
15:45that game. Donnie. Yeah. Do me a favor will you? Make me one of those signs. See what you can
15:52fashion out of these crude implements. Okay, I'll try. I don't know if that's a good idea,
15:58but well Winston party 2000 sounds like the party of the future. Crane party 1901.
16:08Sounds like well this. Oh, don't even worry about it, Frasier. You always throw a good party.
16:16This place will be hopping in no time. Thanks, Ross. Hey Connie, it's a morgue here.
16:23Is the party at the station still happening? Great, I'll be there as soon as I can.
16:31Oh, hey Daphne. You're not gonna believe this. Dr. Crane broke up with Mel. Oh yeah, I know. I heard.
16:38Is there anything you don't know before I do? I overheard them at the office Christmas party.
16:45Really? What happened? Well, okay, don't freak out. Mel accused Niles of still being in love with someone else.
16:55Oh my god, that's me. I'm someone. I said not to freak out. But what if he says something to me?
17:02Just let him down gently. Oh, it never works out that easily. You know what happens when you say no to a guy.
17:08Yeah, sure.
17:14It just gets messy after that. You say you'll be friends, but you never are.
17:18It ruins everything. He's not gonna say anything tonight. As long as Donnie's here, you're totally
17:24safe. Let's find a prominent place to put this. Preferably right on top of Winston's sign.
17:32Oh, go easy there, Niles. Oh, haven't you given me enough advice for one day?
17:38My canapé. You know, Niles, you look like you need cheering up. Oh, no, oh, no.
17:45Sorry. Oh, Japanese present. Did it break?
17:55Well, we won't know till she opens it.
17:59I'm sorry. But hey, look, you don't need this one for Mel, do you?
18:03No. Well, I guess not. No, okay. Well, here. Put that in there. Put this right here. Problem solved.
18:12All right, now, you two. I don't want everyone congregating in the kitchen. Now go out and mingle.
18:21Niles, Martin, I didn't see you come in. Ros, Daphne. Well, I didn't want to give these out
18:30in front of all the guests, but since there aren't any, here you go. Ros, it's for you and Daphne here.
18:38Merry Christmas. Oh, Merry Christmas. Thank you, Dr. Crane. Thank you. Excuse me. Heather?
18:48Oh, no, it's jewelry. Oh, no, it's a book.
18:54Oh, my God, there must be a hundred people up there. Well, I'll just show you what you're missing.
19:05Savory lamb tenders. Pistil-filled mushroom caps.
19:13Spallum and wheat. Come on, come on, Frasier. Maybe we ought to walk you back.
19:19Oh, God. Yes? Yes, darling, that's wonderful. I'll see you soon.
19:29That was Mel. And? I managed to explain about Yoshi. She's on her way over. Oh, thank God. I know.
19:37Another guest. Oh, it's also wonderful for you, Niles. Congratulations. Well, there is one minor
19:44detail to be ironed out. I also got a message from Mara saying she wants to see me again.
19:49I think she may have mistaken last night's sympathy for affection. Oh, my. Well, Niles,
19:55if you want my advice... You know, you really need to stop saying that. You've got to make your
20:01feelings clear to her, and the sooner the better. I mean, there's very little point in letting it
20:05drag on like this. You're right. I'll speak to her tonight. For the moment, I just want to patch
20:12things up with Mel. Uh-huh. Well, you know, those antique earrings you bought her should go a long
20:16way towards that. I gave them to Daphne. You did what? Daphne's gift broke, and I didn't think Mel
20:26was coming. Dad suggested I switch the gift cards. Oh, for God's sake. Dad and his meddling. Well,
20:32if you want my advice... You know where to find me.
20:42Ross! What? You can't go. Why not? Daphne, I'm sorry to interrupt. I need to speak with you.
20:50It's a private matter. Would you join me on the balcony for a moment? All right. Thank you.
20:58Whoa. He's gonna tell you. Oh, no. Not tonight. Not while Donnie's here. Ross!
21:08Okay, so I was wrong. Boy, this is rough. What are you gonna do? I don't know.
21:17I guess I won't give him the chance. I'll speak first. I'll just be direct. I'll tell him I know
21:24how he feels about me, but I don't feel that way about him. I love Donnie, and nothing's gonna
21:31happen between us. Good luck. Hi. Daphne, uh, I wish there were an easier way to say this. I...
21:47Wait. I have something I'd like to say first. Dr. Crane, I have to tell you that...
21:58Oh, Daphne, I am so sorry. What am I thinking? Here. Oh, well, thank you.
22:10Anyway, Dr. Crane, I know that...
22:18Yes? I'm sorry, I...
22:25Look, why don't I start? No, Dr. Crane. No, no, I really need to say this. I can't wait any longer.
22:31Daphne? Yes? This is so difficult for me. Yes?
22:41I need my Christmas present back.
22:43You won't. People will go almost anywhere for free food and booze. Am I really so insufferable?
22:57I could call the station and see if people want to come over. Oh, yes, Roz, let's call in the
23:01second string guests. Let's fill my home with a bunch of angry, snubbed co-workers.
23:08Do you think they'd come?
23:12Hey! Hi! Oh, you see? Fastenably late. Hello, everyone. Come in. Merry Christmas. Help yourself
23:21to some drinks. Okay, Marty, how'd you get these people down here? Oh, I just called an old buddy
23:26in the fire department, told him that that many people in one place had to be a code violation.
23:30Oh, that is smart. Martha, how did you get these people down here? Oh, I just called an old buddy
23:36in the fire department, told him that many people in one place had to be a code violation. Oh, that
23:36is smart. Martha, how did you get these people down here? All right, everyone, we'll start by
23:41singing some carols and then we'll choose up teams for the minister's cat. I don't think that's going
23:47to be a problem. I feel terrible about this and of course I'll replace the gift. Oh, that's all
23:58right. Well, I won't be needing this anymore.
24:06Daphne, Daphne, Daphne, you never finished what you were going to say.
24:11Oh, well, it was about the gift. Well, I could see from the box that you got me
24:18jewelry from Beedie and Sons and I didn't get you anything nearly as grand.
24:22Well, it doesn't matter now. Oh, Mel, she's here. Yeah, excuse me.
24:41I'm so glad you came. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
24:53So, how'd it go? Did you tell him? Never got the chance. He went first. Turns out he'd just
24:59given me the wrong gift and wanted it back. You're kidding. You must be so relieved.
25:05Oh, I'll say. I've never been so relieved in my life. All right, everyone, we'll start with an
25:12easy one.
25:42Scrambled eggs. Oh, my. And maybe I seem a bit confused. Well, maybe. But I got you pegged.
25:54But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:01They're calling again. Happy holidays, everybody.