Frasier Season 10 Episode 21 The Devil And Dr Phil
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00:00Dad, why aren't you dressed? It's four in the afternoon.
00:04I've been working nights, my body clocks off.
00:08I'm eating bacon and eggs at night and drinking beer in the morning.
00:14That's what you always do.
00:15Yeah, but now I'm tired all the time.
00:20There must be some way to end this fight with your boss.
00:23What's the problem?
00:24Oh, he wants me to date his sister and I won't do it,
00:27so he's put me on graveyard until I cave.
00:30He can't do that. Why don't you file a complaint?
00:33I'd just as soon keep it just between the two of us.
00:36I see.
00:37Is this woman really so repulsive that you're willing to sacrifice all your nights just to avoid a date with her?
00:43Well, let me put it this way.
00:45Years of chewing tobacco have discolored her tooth.
00:50Someone left a book of one-liners in the lost and found.
00:56Hey, Frank, who's your friend again?
00:59Dr. Phil.
01:01Phil McGraw, in person.
01:03I'll be talking about life strategies at the State Theater Friday through Sunday.
01:08Come join us, it might just change your life.
01:12There's a doctor.
01:15There's a doctor.
01:21I never knew you were friends with Dr. Phil.
01:24Some years back we found ourselves running into each other at seminars and conferences.
01:30He's an excellent therapist.
01:35We had a bit of a clash over ethics.
01:39Oh, really?
01:41What did you do, sleep with a patient?
01:45Not my ethics, his.
01:49The man bilked me out of $200 in a card game.
01:53He did not bilk you, it's called a one-eyed jack.
01:56Yes, yes, there is one eye, but the other eye is there by implication.
02:02Therefore the hand should have been a do-over, and you can ask Niles about this, too.
02:08As far as I'm concerned, the man owes me $200.
02:11This guy's so cheap, he could squeeze a nickel till the buffalo chokes.
02:23Dad, exactly how old is this book of one-liners?
02:27How old? You're asking me how old?
02:30Well, I'll tell you how old.
02:341956.
02:39Oh, Fraser, Daphne told me all about Dr. Phil. I can't believe you know him.
02:47Do you think you could get me in backstage?
02:50Rosa, I really hadn't planned on seeing him.
02:53Oh, jealous, huh? Well, it's okay, I understand.
02:57I'm most certainly not jealous. The man happens to owe me $200.
03:01Right.
03:03But you know who could help you with your jealousy? Dr. Phil.
03:12He'd be like, so your jealousy of me has taken over your life.
03:18How's that working for you?
03:22Yes, and I'd be like, fine my money, sir.
03:28Oh, please, please do it for me, please.
03:32Well, it's all right, all right.
03:36Oh, thank you. All right, I'll see you at work.
03:39Yeah, okay.
03:41Here you go.
03:43I couldn't remember if you wanted it black or not, so I brought it both ways.
03:47Well, that's very thoughtful of you. Thank you.
03:50No, you might as well keep it. You're paying for both.
03:54Oh, Niles, look who's here.
03:57Oh, isn't that adorable?
03:59You see, this couple, we've seen them in the park a few times.
04:03They're so sweet together. We like to think they're us when we're older.
04:08Look how old Niles still puts his jacket around old Daphne's shoulders.
04:13Oh, Niles, look who's here.
04:16Oh, Niles, look who's here.
04:19Oh, Niles, look who's here.
04:22He puts his jacket around old Daphne's shoulders.
04:26Ooh, she's still a saucy little kitten.
04:30And I bet he still rolls over in the middle of the night.
04:33Yes, the picture has gotten, thank you.
04:37Oh, look, I think I found old Frasier.
04:41Oh, yeah?
04:44I see.
04:46Well, I hope the two of you will understand
04:49if in future I choose to knit scarves only for myself.
04:53Oh, come on, we were only joking.
04:56Yes, I know, I know, it's all in good fun.
04:58Oh, Niles, I just remembered, I've got...
05:00Shut up!
05:03Excuse me?
05:05Shut up! We're trying to knit.
05:08Excuse me?
05:10Shut up! We're trying to knit.
05:21Dr. Phil! Dr. Phil over here!
05:24Ross, please.
05:27At least attempt to be cool.
05:30Phil! Phil!
05:33Well, Frasier Crane, is that you?
05:36Most assuredly.
05:38Yes, you are.
05:41So, how are you?
05:42I'm fine, I'm fine. How's Robin?
05:44She's great. Can you believe it?
05:46We're going on 27 years.
05:49Congratulations.
05:50Well, and how's Lilith?
05:52Well, we've been divorced now for 10 years.
05:56Congratulations.
06:00Hi, I'm Ross Doyle.
06:02Oh, I'm sorry.
06:03I'm Frasier's producer.
06:04I just think you're wonderful.
06:05I think your show is great and you're a truly wise man.
06:08Do you know Tom Hanks?
06:11Uh, no, but thanks for the compliment.
06:15Don't come on through.
06:16Oh, thank you. Thanks.
06:18Come on.
06:20So, Frasier, how's your show?
06:22Oh, huge. Thank you.
06:24We just added Spokane last year.
06:27And a station in St. Paul.
06:30Has agreed to let me send them a tape.
06:33Can you believe after all that time we spent in the seminars
06:37that we both turned out to be broadcasters?
06:41Boy, those were some good times, weren't they?
06:43Oh, indeed they were.
06:46Although, sometimes the fun in games were lacking in fun.
06:52Are you still whining about that 200 bucks?
06:56Well, it's the principle of the thing.
06:59I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what.
07:00Why don't we just discuss it over dinner?
07:02Love to, Kent.
07:04I am so busy.
07:05I have personal appearances and book signings and interviews.
07:10I've got this agent that's got me going 25-8.
07:15In fact, speak of the devil, here she comes.
07:18Phil, darling.
07:20Oh, that was sensational.
07:24Beeping.
07:28Frasier.
07:31And Roz, too.
07:34You guys know each other?
07:36She's my agent.
07:37She used to be mine.
07:39Phil, there's a swarm of reporters in a dressing room waiting to talk to you.
07:44I probably should be going, actually, but Roz, it was really nice to meet you.
07:50And Frasier, tell you what, let's do email.
07:53Okay.
07:57Isn't he marvelous?
07:59He's a cowboy wrapped in a genius.
08:02Wrapped in a dream.
08:04Wrapped in another cowboy.
08:08I cannot believe that I have the same agent as Dr. Phil.
08:14Actually, you don't.
08:16Somebody as big as Dr. Phil needs all of my attention.
08:19But rest assured, you are being handled ably by an agent in whom I have the utmost confidence.
08:26Who is it?
08:28I want to say Tim.
08:32I think I need to make a phone call.
08:36So, Phoebe.
08:40However, did you land Dr. Phil?
08:43We met about a year ago at a charity donkey basketball game.
08:49Donkey basketball.
08:52Texas, darling.
08:54It's like the symphony to them.
08:58Long story short, I gave him some advice and finally he hired me full time.
09:05Well, congratulations.
09:07You can't imagine the connections I have these days.
09:10If only you and I had...
09:14Well, that's water under the bridge, I guess.
09:19It's fun catching up.
09:22Phil's interviewing stylists for the Emmys.
09:26Bye, Frasier.
09:32What a phony, huh?
09:36She used to be my phony.
09:43Dad, do you think I did the right thing changing agents?
09:46I mean, the one I have now is fine, but after I've seen what Phoebe's done for Phil,
09:51I can't help wondering if maybe I've denied myself access to a wider world.
10:00Dad, are you all right?
10:01Oh, I'm sorry.
10:04I haven't talked to anybody for a few days.
10:06It feels kind of strange.
10:10Even this is making me a little uncomfortable.
10:15Dad, you have got to stop with the graveyard shifts or you're going to start seeing apparitions.
10:20No, don't worry about me. I'm pretty tough.
10:23Listen, I'd love to stay here talking to you, but all this sunlight is making me dizzy.
10:30What, you don't like the sun?
10:32Us night shift guys call it the scare ball.
10:50Oh, Phoebe.
10:52Hello, darling.
10:53I came across this old box of Frasier strategy memos and I thought I'd bring them by to you.
11:01I didn't realize there was so much.
11:04And you thought I didn't work hard.
11:07Oh, now, there's no reason to take that tone.
11:09Things have certainly worked out for you, wouldn't you say?
11:12Too true.
11:14But I can't be blamed for being a bit of a bitter Phoebe.
11:19No one likes being tossed aside for a younger woman.
11:22Well, Phoebe, you know very well I only changed agents because you were ignoring me in favor of another client.
11:28I wasn't ignoring you.
11:30I was merely getting some much needed critical distance for a final glorious Frasierian push.
11:37But let's not rehash the past.
11:42Agreed.
11:44We accomplished too much together to stop being friends now.
11:49True.
11:53Frasier, have you ever wondered what it would be like if I could apply what I've learned to you?
12:04Yes, I have.
12:08But it cannot be.
12:11Can it?
12:14Dangerous thoughts.
12:18You're a siren luring me to the rocks.
12:23But I must resist or you'll hurt me again.
12:27No, I'm no siren.
12:29I'm a man, a man with ambitions.
12:31Ambition.
12:33The word is candy to me.
12:38Damn your devil man.
12:40I must go.
12:43I'm all confused and woozy.
12:45I understand.
12:46But what about me?
12:49Very well.
12:51Be at my hotel tonight for dinner.
12:54Perhaps you'll show me just how serious you are.
13:12I think I figured it out.
13:14B.B. wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the apocalypse.
13:22Perhaps.
13:26But here's my theory.
13:29B.B.'s had a thing for me for years.
13:31This, culpable of the fact that control is an aphrodisiac for her.
13:36It's not surprising to find that she hopes to parley her advantage into a sexual conquest.
13:44But surely you don't intend to let the promise of wealth and exposure lure you into her bed.
13:51It's not going to come to that.
13:53It's all about the dance.
13:57It's all about the possibility of sex, the promise that's never delivered that keeps them tantalized.
14:05One only needs to know how not to cross the line.
14:10Excuse me, but didn't you sleep with her once?
14:16I guess that's how I know where the line is.
14:23I almost feel sorry for her.
14:27Just another helpless woman suffering from an unshakable thirst for cream.
14:36Still, I can't help thinking there's something Faustian about this whole thing.
14:44Faust was a moron.
14:49I'm going to be a star.
14:53Hi, dear.
14:56Hello.
14:57A latte, please.
14:59Hello, darling.
15:01Hello.
15:02Did you see who's here?
15:04Yes.
15:07I wonder if you'll still be stirring my coffee like that when we're in our golden years.
15:12Yes.
15:13And I know that a touch from you then will be just as sweet as it is today.
15:19So this is where you've been going?
15:22And with this tramp from water aerobics?
15:26Who are you?
15:28I'm his wife.
15:30You're married?
15:31I can explain.
15:33Don't bother, you worm.
15:36You promised that was it the last time.
15:51Frasier.
15:53Come in.
15:56How did you know it was me?
15:59I felt a certain tingle in the knob.
16:05Indeed.
16:09Well, I see Phil has landed you in the lap of luxury.
16:14Yes, it's a lovely suite.
16:17Unfortunately, there's some sort of choir championship this weekend, and they practice at all hours.
16:24Is it madrigal madness already?
16:28I had no idea it was this close to Whitson.
16:31Please, darling, sit. I'll pour the champagne.
16:36All right. I suppose a drop wouldn't hurt.
16:43So, have you given any thought to taking me on again?
16:49Yes, I have.
16:51And I have to say there's almost nothing I'd enjoy more.
16:57Wonderful.
17:00But first, let's talk about what I'd enjoy more.
17:07You want more than ten percent?
17:08I want you.
17:10And yes to the other thing.
17:16Gosh, baby.
17:19I'm terribly flattered. It's just that...
17:22Frasier, a few years ago I let down my guard and succumbed to your advances.
17:29You seduced me!
17:31It changed me, Frasier. If I crave your touch again, you've only yourself to blame.
17:38I'm not going to say that you're not a beautiful woman.
17:41But is it wise for us to jump into a relationship?
17:46I'm only talking about having fun.
17:49After all, when I'm having fun, I'm happy.
17:54When I'm happy, I work harder.
17:57When I work harder, you become famous and rich and powerful.
18:03That's what you want, isn't it? Fame and power?
18:09I like to think of it more as influence, really, but...
18:14I can make you bigger than Dr. Phil.
18:18Is that running water I hear?
18:21Yes, I'm steaming the wrinkles out of a dress.
18:26Does it put you in mind of a tropic night?
18:31A moonlit stroll.
18:34The rhythmic lapping of waves against the shore.
18:40You know, if it's silk, the steam could damage it.
18:45Wait right here.
18:48I'd better open a window.
18:51Yes, darling. Let the night in while I slip into something a little more comfortable.
18:59If you want comfortable, how about that sweater ensemble I saw you in this morning?
19:11Phoebe!
19:13Join me, Frasier.
19:16I'll make your dreams come true.
19:21But... at what cost?
19:26What I'm offering you is priceless.
19:29Come, Frasier.
19:33I can't!
20:03I can't!
20:33I can't!
21:03Roger. You are go for liftoff.
21:07Godspeed, Martin Six.
21:34What the hell's going on?
21:37Oh, jeez.
21:39Just sort of a minor accident here, but don't worry about it.
21:45Everything's under control.
21:49So, what time do you want me to pick up your sister?
21:54Well, if it isn't the first couple of radio. I knew I'd find you here.
21:59Phoebe, shouldn't you be in Los Angeles with Dr. Phil?
22:03That's right.
22:05I'm going to Los Angeles.
22:07I'm going to Los Angeles.
22:09I'm going to Los Angeles.
22:11I'm going to Los Angeles.
22:13I'm going to Los Angeles.
22:15Shouldn't you be in Los Angeles with Dr. Phil?
22:18That's up to you, Frasier.
22:21I don't understand.
22:23Well, after our meeting last night, I had to ask myself a very difficult question.
22:30Am I really that happy with Dr. Phil if I'm entertaining thoughts of returning to you?
22:37Are you saying you'll have me back?
22:39How could I refuse you?
22:41Dr. Phil has been amusing, but I need a project.
22:45I need a Frasier crane.
22:47Well, that's wonderful.
22:50Incidentally, Dr. Phil paid me 15%.
22:53Well, as will Dr. Frasier.
22:56I've just got one very difficult call to make to my agent.
22:59Already handled.
23:01I also took the liberty of calling Spokane.
23:03The terms of your deal there were worse than abysmal.
23:06Great, great. You got me more money.
23:08No, they wouldn't budge, so you quit.
23:10You're no longer on in Spokane. Isn't that exciting?
23:14Wait a minute. That is a step backwards.
23:17All the better to get a running start.
23:20In my opinion, the future is firmly in front of us.
23:26Congratulations, Frasier.
23:28Oh, thank you, baby. Thank you so much.
23:31I'll call you tomorrow.
23:32I'll be waiting.
23:35Gosh.
23:36Roz, isn't that great news?
23:38I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
23:40It's marvelous.
23:42She's charging you more money, and we just lost Spokane.
23:45Big picture.
23:47The future is firmly in front of me.
23:51Isn't the future always in front of you?
23:54Yes.
23:56But not firmly.
24:00Well, my little lamb has bleated his way back to me.
24:05Frasier has rejoined the flock.
24:08So my debt is cleared.
24:10We don't have to keep pretending you're my agent.
24:12We're square, darling, and maybe next time you gamble with BB,
24:16you'll pay your debts with cash.
24:20See, the problem is my wife looks at the bank statements,
24:24and if she knew I was losing money playing cards,
24:28she would kill me.
24:32So your wife doesn't know you play poker.
24:36I don't tell her everything.
24:39I see.
24:41And how's that working for you?
24:45Just deal the cards.
24:58Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:00tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:04Mercy.
25:06And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:10Yeah, maybe.
25:11But I got you pegged.
25:15But I don't know what to do
25:17with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:24They're calling again.
25:27Scrambled eggs all over my face.
25:31What is it more to do?
25:35Good night, Seattle!
25:37We love you!