Frasier Season 5 Episode 20 First Date
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00:00It's a minefield out there, everywhere I go people are talking about this miniseries I've
00:08been watching. Oh yeah, did you see the ending last night? I tended to benefit last night,
00:15I had to tape it and I have yet to see it. Oh well who would have thought it, Mr. PBS watching
00:21a trashy miniseries. I don't think it's trashy at all, in fact I think the intricacies of the plot
00:26are downright Dickensian. Yeah, Angie Dickensian. Anyway, I'm just having a very difficult time
00:33finding a conversation where I can avoid people telling me about the ending. Hi Roz, did you
00:39watch last night? Yeah. Goodbye Betty. Hey Dr. Craig, how was your day? Internal. The tape of
00:53the VCR? Yes, all queued up. Oh, you've got to call me when you get to the part with Heather's
00:59baby. Heather had a baby? Sorry. Well who's the father? Oh no, don't tell me. I'll go put your
01:09popcorn in the microwave. Thank you. Oh. Hey. Hi Dad. Look, I got some bad news. I guess there
01:31isn't a good way to tell you something like this. Your god-uncle died. My god-uncle? There's no such
01:48thing as a god-uncle. Yes there is, it's your godfather's brother. You remember your god-uncle
01:54Charlie? No, barely even remember my godfather. He died 20 years ago. Oh yeah? Well now his
02:02brother's dead too, so shake a leg. The length's in 20 minutes. Yeah, you know, as much as I'd like
02:08to pay my respects, catch up with my god-cousins and meet the god-neighbors, I have some urgent
02:15business that just can't wait until later. All right, here's your popcorn and the remote. There,
02:22enjoy your show. Oh all right. One hour. Don't even know why I'm going. The man was a ghoul. He used
02:34to hide his glass eye in my marble bag. I knew you remember him. All right, well just give me a
02:40couple of minutes to get changed. All right. Hello, Frazier. Hello, Niles. Oh Niles, you'd be smart to get
02:50out of here. Dad's dragging me to a wake for my god-uncle Charlie. You see the one who used to
02:55plop his eyeball into his mashed potatoes and say, I'm watching what I eat? Yes.
03:03So is Daphne here? Uh, yes, she is. Why? I'm asking her out on a date and don't give me that look.
03:11Why shouldn't I? She's single, I'm single, that's what single people do. Are you sure you're ready
03:15for this? Would you stop it? I'm not talking about eloping here, it's just dinner. Well, all right,
03:21I suppose you thought this through. Maybe it is time. Time for what? Time for me to, uh, put this popcorn
03:29away for later. Aren't you gonna watch your program? Uh, apparently he has to take dad to a wake.
03:36Uh, listen Daphne, do you have a minute? Sure. Uh, something I wanted to ask you, uh,
03:41it's nothing earth-shattering, it's just, uh...
03:46Yes?
03:49What's that perfume you're wearing? Leave it to you to notice.
03:55It's obsession. No, no it isn't, I was just curious.
04:01No, I'm quite sure it's Calvin Klein's obsession. Oh, yes, it's very pleasing. I can spray a bit
04:08on my brush and comb it through my hair. Silly, really, as if anyone's gonna smell my hair.
04:19Well, what did she say? I couldn't do it. I was about to ask the question, then suddenly all I
04:24could think of was, what if she said no? Oh, Niles, no surprise. After all you've been through with Maris,
04:34you were just scared of another rejection. I was more than scared, I was terrified. I can't go on
04:40like this. Worshipping Daphne from afar? Don't you know how frustrating it is to be completely in
04:46love with someone and not be able to tell her how you feel?
04:52I'm sorry, I just came back for the fabric softener. I didn't mean... I'm sorry. Oh my god.
04:58Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. How long was she standing there? I don't know.
05:04If I'd known Daphne was standing there, I would have said, shut up, Daphne's standing there.
05:11You saw her, she ran out of here, she heard, she heard everything. Niles, Niles, Niles, just calm
05:15down. Listen, this may even be for the best. You said you wanted to take the next step. The next
05:19step, I was just hurled down the entire flight of stairs. I can't believe this is actually happening,
05:26did Daphne really hear me say that I'm completely in love with...
05:32I'm sorry, I really do need that fabric softener.
05:44Niles, you've got to talk to her now. I can't feel great. It'll only become incredibly awkward.
05:49You can't leave things like this, Niles. Come on, you've got to resolve it now. Go, go.
05:56Daphne. Oh, Dr. Crane, I didn't... I hope you don't think I... Go ahead. I'm terribly sorry.
06:07I know I wasn't supposed to hear that. No, I'm glad you heard. It's something I've been
06:12wanting to tell you for the longest time. What took you so long? I think it's wonderful.
06:21You do? Yes, of course I do. Oh, you dear, sweet man, give me a hug.
06:40So, who is she?
06:42Who? Well, this woman you're so in love with, who is she? You didn't hear that part, did you?
06:51No, so come on. What's her name? You can't back out now. No, you're right, I can't. Okay, her name,
07:00well, her name just happens to be Daphilis. Oh, I've never heard that name. Daphilis.
07:22It's a family name. Her friends call her Philis.
07:30Excuse me. I'll get some water.
07:36Where's Niles? Oh, he's in the kitchen. I'm sorry to barge in on the two of you like that.
07:42Oh, that's all right, Daphne. Did you and Niles have a little chat? Oh, yes. He was a bit shy at
07:48first, but then he came clean. I must say, I couldn't be happier. Well, it's wonderful. Let
07:54me be the first to raise a glass to God Uncle Charlie. You know, Daphne, as long as you're
08:06doing the laundry, the kitchen towels could use a washing. Oh, and my oven mitts are getting a bit
08:12crunchy. All right, then. What the hell's going on? All she heard was that I was in love with
08:18someone. She never heard who, and when she asked, I panicked and blurted out the first name that
08:22popped into my head. Philis. Philis? It's a neighbor I saw on the elevator this morning.
08:29The woman had a sesame seed stuck between her front teeth. It's the size of a blanched almond.
08:35Oh, good Lord. Maybe it was a blanched almond. If she had muesli for breakfast, it could have been...
08:43You have got to clear this up. Oh, uh, well, I'm off to
08:50bring the car around for Dad. Bye-bye. All right, now. Tell me more about this Philis.
09:01Actually, Daphne, I'd rather not. Oh, come on. You said you wanted to talk about it.
09:06So have you asked her out yet? No. And why not? You said yourself you were in love with her.
09:12In love with who? Philis. Who's Philis? A woman I met. And he's quite keen on her.
09:19I've just been giving him some dating advice. Oh, Niles. All you need to know is that women go
09:25crazy for flattery. Doesn't matter if it's a big fat lie, they'll still buy it.
09:31But whatever advice Daphne's given you, too, must be great because she's smart as a whip.
09:36Oh, thank you, Mr. Crane.
09:38So, tell me about this dream woman of yours. Oh, I don't know. Oh, come on. I can see you're
09:51crazy about her. Well, all right.
09:57She's very beautiful and very sweet. And she has a smile that makes my knees weaken.
10:14You know, Dr. Crane, if this woman is as wonderful as you say she is,
10:19then you shouldn't waste another moment. She won't be on the market forever.
10:24You're right. Been a fool to hesitate as long as I have. That's the spirit. I'm going to do it.
10:30Good for you. Don't leave time for second thoughts. You go ask her out this instant.
10:37Daphne, that won't be necessary. I know you're feeling brave, but it's quite nasty out.
10:42No, you don't understand. I don't have to leave this room to ask Philis on a date.
10:48You don't? No, because, because you see, Daphne,
10:55I know her work number by heart.
10:59Well, then.
11:06Look at me, my heart's racing. Mine too.
11:09Philis, hello. Niles Crane. How are you? I was wondering if you would want to have dinner with
11:17me sometime. You would. How about tonight at my place? Eight o'clock sounds great.
11:31Eight o'clock sounds great.
11:39So anyway, what would you do if you were in my position?
11:42Would you tell her everything and just let the chips fall where they may?
11:48Oh, yeah. Well, I do see your point.
11:53I have to run. So I'll take the three-year subscription and the travel clock.
12:01So, Daphne. Hello. I was out doing some shopping and I thought you might need some dessert for
12:17your big dinner with Philis tonight. Oh, yes. Well, I was just doing some last-minute tidying
12:23up for that. And I suppose you've got about eight things cooking on the stove. Of course.
12:28So I'll get out of your way soon as I pop this in the fridge.
12:32Oh, no, no. Please don't trouble yourself. I'll do it.
12:39Dr. Crane, there's barely enough pasta here for one person. Is this your idea of a romantic dinner?
12:48Well, thank heavens I stopped by. I can whip up a salad with what's in here.
12:56Stick this roast in the microwave to defrost. Where do you keep the cooking, Sherry?
13:01You know what, Daphne? You're right. I am completely underprepared for this.
13:04Why don't I call Philis and put her off till next week?
13:07You're not backing out of this now. Look, don't worry. I'll fix this place right up for a nice
13:15intimate evening. Candles, some soft music. I know those things always put me in a romantic mood.
13:23Well, I suppose it would be rude of me to cancel. Of course it would. Now, hurry up and get ready.
13:28And wear that blue blazer of yours. No woman can resist you in that. Right.
13:33Oh, good Lord, look at the time. Honestly, Dr. Crane,
13:36sometimes I wonder what kind of a fantasy world you're living in. Now, go on.
13:52Oh, don't you look handsome.
14:20Thank you, Daphne. This place looks wonderful. An excellent choice of music. I love this aria.
14:27Yes, she has a gorgeous voice, doesn't she? It's a pity she never got quite the recognition of a
14:32Joan Sutherland or a Renata Tobaldi. I had no idea you knew so much about sopranos.
14:39Yeah, well, you don't live with your brother for five years and not learn a thing or two about
14:43divas. By the way, the roast is coming along nicely. How are you at chopping vegetables?
14:51Are you kidding? You don't get forearms like these from just conducting your stereo.
14:58You're very excited for you. I just love first dates.
15:03I don't see why. They're always so awkward. Yeah, well, once in a while when the chemistry's
15:10just right, they can be magical. The me-toos as you realize all you have in common.
15:18The electricity of that first accidental touch.
15:21Soon you're letting your guard down and saying the silliest things.
15:27You touched me, now we have to get married.
15:29Oh, dear.
15:35Pardon me. Sorry. Now, I was thinking for the salad some cucumbers and carrots.
15:42How about some celery? Oh, no, no. No celery. I hate the stuff.
15:45Me too. Why do you have it then?
15:49I guess it's just habit. Maris used to like to have it around in case she felt like binging.
15:53When I was little, I actually thought celery was the meanest vegetable.
15:59Radishes were the smartest. Beets were the policemen.
16:06What sort of personality do carrots have?
16:10I try not to think about that when I'm chopping them.
16:13You hear that? We're chopping in rhythm.
16:17We are, aren't we?
16:18Doom da, doom da, doom da, doom da, hard and slow, I fell in love with you.
16:34Doom-da, doom-da, doom-da, hard and so
16:39Doom-da, doom-da, I fell in love with you, hard and so
16:44Doom-da, doom-da, the way a fool would do
16:47Madly, because you held me tight
16:52And stole a kiss in the night
16:56Oh, damn, who could that be?
17:08It's Phineas!
17:09Oh.
17:10Well, go on, go let her in!
17:17Huh?
17:18Go away, without the rat the door, go away
17:25And don't come back no more
17:28Frasier, I thought you were supposed to be in a wake
17:31We left
17:32Even the mourners were babbling about the miniseries
17:36Well, I'm sure you're in a rush to get back home and watch the rest of the show
17:39No, no, Niles, actually, everybody's heading over to the Kiwanis Club for a post-wake kegger
17:44Could you please take dad?
17:46Me?
17:47Please
17:48Well, they're your god family
17:49Oh, Dr. Crane, I thought you were Phyllis
17:52Phyllis?
17:54Yeah, she's due any moment, so you'd better run along
17:57I'll be leaving myself as soon as the roast is done
18:05Daphne is cooking dinner for your date with a fictitious woman
18:14Why not just set a place for the march here in the Manhattan?
18:19I didn't plan for this to happen, but we are having the most perfect evening
18:22I'm feeling my confidence return
18:24I just need a few more minutes alone, and then I'll be able to tell her everything
18:27Niles, the longer you continue with this absurd lie, the more likely it is to blow up in your face
18:32Why are you always such a doomsayer?
18:34As long as I keep track of what I'm saying, nothing is going to blow up on anyone
18:39Phyllis!
18:42Kaboom!
18:44Hello, Dr. Crane, some of your mail wound up in my box today
18:48Oh, well, aren't you considerate?
18:50Hello
18:51Hello, I'm Frasier, Niles' brother
18:53Oh, well, I hope I'm not interrupting anything
18:56As a matter of fact
18:57Hello
19:00You must be Phyllis
19:02Yes
19:03Do I know you?
19:05I'm Daphne
19:07I'm just a friend
19:11Make yourself comfortable
19:13We were starting to worry about you
19:15Excuse me?
19:16Can I get you a glass of wine?
19:18Well, all right, I guess, I mean, I really just came by to drop off your...
19:22I'll be back in a snap
19:24That woman seemed to think that you were expecting me
19:28Yes, I've been making an effort to get to know my neighbors, and I guess you didn't get the invitation
19:34No, it's just dumb luck that I happened to stop by tonight
19:37Here we are
19:39Now, the appetizers are almost ready, and it won't be too much longer until the roast is done
19:44I hope you're hungry
19:46Oh, the invitation was for dinner?
19:48Yes, but don't you worry about it a bit, we'll do it another time
19:51Well, I'd love to stay
19:57Hey, Niles
19:58Frasier, you coming or not?
19:59Well, in a minute, Dad
20:01Oh, Daph, what are you doing here?
20:03Helping Dr. Crane with his dinner
20:05Oh, hi, how you doing?
20:07I'm Marty Crane
20:09Hi, I'm Phyllis Conrad
20:11Oh, you're Phyllis, huh?
20:15Oh, don't worry, we'll be going soon
20:17I know Dr. Crane's eager to have you all to himself
20:20Really?
20:22Oh, yeah, he's been going on about you all week
20:25Now, Daph, how pretty you are, how nice you dress
20:29Dad, you don't want to be late for your kicker
20:31Look at him, I've embarrassed him, he's bushy
20:34He's not the only one
20:36Excuse me, Phyllis, uh, Frasier, could I have a...
20:40No
20:44You've got to help me get rid of her
20:46Me?
20:47Yes
20:48I've got my hands full with Dad
20:49So, you really never had any idea he had his eye on you?
20:52Well, I caught him staring at me in the elevator this morning
20:56Now I know why
20:59Hey, Dr. Crane, would you give me a hand with the appetizers?
21:03Frasier?
21:04Dad, you know, I guess it's time we were going
21:08Maybe you could just go press for the elevator
21:11And I'll be right there in a minute
21:13Very nice meeting you, Phyllis
21:15Bye-bye
21:20Well, I must say, your brother certainly kept his feelings to himself until tonight
21:26Yes, well, he's always been the quiet type
21:33Especially since all the trouble with Heather
21:38Heather?
21:40Now, remember, the pie should be heated
21:43And there's fresh whipped cream to put on the strawberries
21:47Or anything else should the night take that turn
21:53His wife was poisoned?
21:55Don't worry, he stood trial but never proved a thing
21:57Crab puffs?
22:03No, thank you
22:06Dad, I just remembered, there is some place that I have to be
22:11Thank you very much for the wine
22:14Oh, my God, I drank the wine
22:21Well, thank you, what did you tell her?
22:23I'll explain later, Niles
22:25Tell you what, though
22:26Don't plan on running for the co-op board here any time soon
22:33Where'd Phyllis go?
22:34She left
22:36She said she wasn't feeling well
22:39I hope you don't mind my saying so
22:42You almost seem relieved that she's gone
22:45Relieved?
22:46Well, daftly, to tell you the truth, I am relieved
22:52I knew it
22:54This is all my fault
22:57It's as clear as day now
22:59You're just not ready for a relationship
23:01And there I was, pushing you into it
23:04Daphne
23:05Even I could see how uncomfortable you were with Phyllis
23:08Well, she must have picked up on that too
23:10And that's the real reason she left
23:13What was I thinking?
23:14No, Daphne, this is not your fault
23:16Yes, but I should have seen
23:19You're on the rebound, you're still vulnerable
23:22That's probably why you had so much trouble
23:24Asking for a simple date in the first place
23:30Yes, I suppose you're right
23:33I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane
23:36I guess you just need to take some more time
23:40You know, if you rush things, you may end up ruining something that has a real chance
23:46No smart woman would ever get involved with a man who's in the middle of a divorce anyway
23:51I know I never would
23:54Well
23:57Thank you, Daphne
23:59This has all been very helpful
24:01And thank you for everything you did tonight
24:05Even if it didn't work out exactly as I'd hoped
24:09What are friends for?
24:17I suppose we should start clearing all this up
24:22Actually
24:25Daphne
24:28Would you like to stay and have dinner with me?
24:32You mean that?
24:33Yes
24:37Yes, that would be lovely
24:41Wonderful
24:44May I pour you some wine?
24:45Oh, yes
24:52You know
24:53I know it seems hopeless right now
24:56But I have a feeling that before very long
24:59You'll be sitting down to a nice romantic dinner with the woman of your dreams
25:05I think you may just be right
25:09Shall we?
25:17Thank you
25:22Thank you
25:32Here's to us
25:34Oh
25:40Oh, thanks very much
25:51Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:54Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:57Oh, my
25:59And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:02Well, maybe
26:04But I got you pegged
26:08But I don't know what to do
26:10With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:15They're calling again
26:18Good night, everybody
26:21Good night