Taskmaster.NZ.S05E02
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11He he he.
00:12Kia ora koutou katoa and welcome to the second episode of Season 5 of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:41My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare
00:463 under the pseudonym Deathlord69, here in this room I am known by the far more threatening
00:54title of the Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks in a desperate
01:05bid to get their hands on this.
01:09A beautiful golden trophy made to look exactly like the head of late 90s television icon
01:14Newsboy.
01:17Competing for this trophy and what remains of their dignity we have Abbie Howells, Ben
01:24Hurley, Hayes Sproul and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, representing Te Whingathepulea'i here in the studio, she's a winner of life
01:38and a loser of Taskmaster, Madeleine Saami.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question, what if you combined Siri and Alexa
01:49and turned them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams.
01:57Alright, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always we begin with a prize task, we've asked each contestant to bring in the secret
02:07to their success.
02:12Some very successful people up on stage here, let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure.
02:16The secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J Fox, The Secret to
02:22My Success.
02:23I actually still have this, I taped this off TV, probably somewhere in the early 90s.
02:31Early 90s on a repeat.
02:33So it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:35Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:38I've actually brought in my mother in the 90s specifically.
02:43And just a moment for the haircut.
02:46But I'm not going to give you my mother because I still need her quite a bit.
02:49I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practice my scales every day on the
02:55piano.
02:56I think we have a little clip of her.
02:58Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:03Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:08You slam that piano lid one more time and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:14I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former Mother of the Nation Judy Bailey?
03:22Very similar.
03:23I don't know why but I've got a Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe
03:27when I look at her.
03:30From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:34Yeah.
03:37Let's move on to Madeline.
03:40The secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:44Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night.
03:47It's what wakes me up in the morning.
03:48It's the reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take it home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:58Unless I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:00Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am and I've written out my gratitude journal
04:05and just done some meditation, I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha.
04:12Oh, OK.
04:14But it's got some special ingredients.
04:16So I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got there.
04:18So we've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing,
04:22and may contain traces of imposter syndrome.
04:24So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that and you're away.
04:28Very neurotically.
04:30Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:32Yeah.
04:34Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think.
04:37Abby. Yes.
04:38What did you bring in?
04:39I brought in my autism assessment shed.
04:47So I have it and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities.
04:52I know heaps about cool stuff like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera.
04:57And I can't tell a lie and I take everything very literally.
05:02As part of the prize, does the autism come with or just the confirmation?
05:07You wish.
05:09I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, same.
05:12Oh, my gosh, honestly.
05:14Oh, you've started it.
05:15I want to get into it.
05:16It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh?
05:19It wasn't. That's a bit of a fallacy.
05:21Yes, a lot of rich people died.
05:22A lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh, boo. Yeah, yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation.
05:32It's like you're on the boat and all the men are very gentle.
05:36Sorry.
05:37All the men are very gentle.
05:38No, the men were nice. The men were good.
05:40Men are nice. They get a rough time.
05:41There were some baddies, though.
05:43Billy Zane's character.
05:45Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:46Yes, that's a really funny joke, but actually it's not historically accurate.
05:53Duh, Paul.
05:54Paul.
05:56OK, should we score it?
05:58We should.
05:59Oh, one point's going to me, Madeline.
06:01Oh, fuck.
06:03No-one wants that.
06:04It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:06Ben's going to get two.
06:07Two.
06:08Hayley's going to get three.
06:10OK.
06:11Four points for Tom for the kombucha.
06:14And Abby's going to get five points.
06:16CHEERING
06:19Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, shall we, Paul?
06:22Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:33Hi, PW.
06:35Hi, TS.
06:36You all right, Paul?
06:38Yes.
06:39Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:41Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:43It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:45All right.
06:47All right.
06:48Rrrah!
06:49Don't push that under, please.
06:53Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:56You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.
07:00Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:06You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11OK.
07:12I guess you're underway.
07:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:17So, am I allowed to say this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:22No, it's legally very different from Jenga.
07:26Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:28Yes.
07:29This is four, so it's a completely different thing.
07:31Totally.
07:32OK.
07:33Well, who are we going to see play this brand-new game that you've invented?
07:36Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells.
07:40LAUGHTER
07:41OK.
07:43All right.
07:45Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.
07:49Paul, I'd like you to meet Dianne.
07:52Hello, Dianne.
07:53Dianne's very well-to-do.
07:55Ooh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:57Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.
08:02Block, block, you never mock.
08:05Just like a nice, warm sock.
08:08LAUGHTER
08:10Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:14LAUGHTER
08:17I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:19She's Dianne's sister.
08:20She's also quite fancy and quite racist as well.
08:23Sing a brand-new original song about removing blocks.
08:27I love to remove blocks every day.
08:31I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:35Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:38Block, block, you never mock.
08:40Just like a lovely, warm sock.
08:43This is Gavin.
08:44Gavin is down and out.
08:46I've been there. I am there.
08:49The next block may only be pushed.
08:52The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:54Remove the next block with your feet.
08:57The next block you remove must be orange.
08:59Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
09:03Well done, old chap.
09:04Remove the next block while standing at least one metre away.
09:11Argh!
09:13Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:17LAUGHTER
09:19Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:22Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:25Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:36Remove the next block while standing at least two metres away.
09:39Oh, come on.
09:40Time to dance, boss. OK.
09:44I mean, it's polite, yeah.
09:55CHEERING
10:01Oh-ho-ho!
10:05Oh! Oh, no!
10:10CHEERING
10:12Did you see that coming?
10:14Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:17The risky one.
10:23Heads. Ah!
10:28Watch out. Ah!
10:30Blue in the neck.
10:32Oh, I didn't get it out.
10:33I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:36I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:39but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:41CHEERING
10:48Unreal.
10:50I think I speak for everyone here.
10:52I say that is possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand.
10:56Yeah.
10:58To be honest, yeah, I kind of wanted to just retire from Taskmaster at that point.
11:02Like, leave on a high.
11:03Retire from life, man. Yeah, true.
11:05Valhalla awaits.
11:09LAUGHTER
11:11Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names.
11:16Yeah, Paulette and Diane.
11:17You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:20Mum was racist. Yes.
11:22I think that's Paulette. She's quite racist.
11:24She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:27but she'd like to take a photo.
11:30This is very triggering for me.
11:33Come, darling. I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling.
11:35Come into my home. I'll do anything for free food.
11:38There you go. I'm a stereotype.
11:40Abby, talk us through the creative process of writing the song.
11:44I love to remove blocks every day.
11:46I like to live my life in a precious way.
11:50Quite a few times I would do a task and then come back and sit in my little room and think,
11:54am I insane?
11:58And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:01So, the stats. Yes.
12:03Hayley removed 18 blocks. That's good.
12:06Ben, 20 blocks. OK, that's better. That's better.
12:09Abby, 28 blocks. Oh, my goodness!
12:13She was speedy. Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:17All right. Well, that is the end of part one.
12:19Join us for part two in just a moment,
12:21where our comedians will probably just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:24We'll see you then.
12:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:39Kirikou to Arnold. Welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:42a show that is now witnessing a slow decline
12:45after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:49What are we doing now, Paul?
12:51Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower
12:53and following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:56We've seen Abby, Ben and Hayley,
12:59so now it's time for Tefinga and Tom to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:02Ooh! Yep.
13:05Right, Paul, to do the next block for you.
13:08I'll be your friend if you can move this block.
13:10What does that mean, be your friend?
13:11I never liked you right from the start.
13:13I've been doing so you can help me with the tasks.
13:16I'll be a real friend, like a genuine friend,
13:18if you can move this block for me.
13:21Which block? That one there.
13:24Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
13:29The next block you remove must be green.
13:33Oh!
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38OK, next one.
13:40Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:47LAUGHTER
13:49Eh!
13:50Remove the next block while standing...
13:53..one metre away.
14:03LAUGHTER
14:08Are you serious?!
14:17Yeah!
14:19I've stopped the clock.
14:21Are you kidding me?
14:22It was quite a strong wind, but you did take one of the bottom blocks.
14:28You happy with that?
14:30No.
14:33Don't stab the duck.
14:34I'm not going to stab the duck.
14:36Hi, honey.
14:38APPLAUSE
14:41Be honest, Tom, were you going to stab that duck?
14:43Yeah, pretty much.
14:45The wind was against me. I refused to lose.
14:48How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:51Tom, three blocks.
14:54Taufinga, six blocks.
14:56How many friends did you get?
14:58One.
15:00Did you? That was a big day for you.
15:02Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:04Let's just say it might not be by blood, but we are brothers.
15:07LAUGHTER
15:09APPLAUSE
15:11That's beautiful.
15:13OK, so how are we going to score that?
15:15That means one point for Tom, two points for Taufinga,
15:18three points for Hayley, four points for Ben,
15:21and five points for Abby.
15:23APPLAUSE
15:25Fucking dude.
15:28So where does that leave our scores for the episode so far, Paul?
15:31Great question, Jeremy.
15:33Out in first, with a perfect ten points, it's Abby Howells.
15:37CHEERING
15:40All right, what do you reckon about showing us another task then, Paul?
15:43I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:45I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world
15:48and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:58Ma'am?
16:00To you, sir. Knock, knock.
16:02Who's there? Orange.
16:04Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
16:07You never said banana.
16:09Right, let's do this.
16:11Relive the best moment of your life.
16:13Most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:18You have 30 minutes, your time...
16:20Starts...
16:22Now.
16:24Oh, man.
16:26This is the best moment of my life.
16:28CHEERING
16:32So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:35Am I going to be judging the reliving part
16:38or are we judging the best moment? Who had the best moment?
16:41Best reliving. OK, right.
16:43Right, let's get stuck into it then.
16:45Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:48It's Hayley Sproul.
16:50Best moments of my life.
16:53Meeting my fiancée.
16:55Meeting your fiancée.
16:57Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
17:00Although I will say one of my best moments was meeting your fiancée.
17:04That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:07Let's do the moment I met my fiancée.
17:09OK, this is how it happened.
17:11I was sitting in a drama school meeting
17:13and he walked in and he's six foot six
17:15and I went like this.
17:17And then my friend looked at me and laughed
17:19and then I turned to her and I said,
17:21that's mine.
17:23OK.
17:25All right, a bit of a warm up.
17:27Before my scene in King Lear.
17:29Hey, my leash!
17:31My leash!
17:33Ha!
17:35That's it, that's it. Now she's fed up.
17:37That's it, that's it. Now she's fed up.
17:39My leash!
17:41My leash!
17:43My leash!
17:45My leash!
17:47My leash!
17:49My leash!
17:55Mine.
17:57Mine.
17:59I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette with me
18:01out on the smoker's steps.
18:03I will.
18:05OK.
18:09That's a big boy.
18:11That's a big boy.
18:15Wow.
18:18So Hayley, you went from
18:20hating women who say that
18:22their greatest moment was meeting their fiancé
18:24to actually re-enacting it with Paul.
18:26Well, I felt terrible for saying it
18:28because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:30And then Paul was so fizzed over
18:32my fiancé as well. I was like, well, let's do a fantasy
18:34for both of us.
18:36I didn't get why
18:38you were dressed like an apprentice witch.
18:41Because it's drama school.
18:43Where did you study drama, Hogwarts?
18:45Honestly,
18:47not that dissimilar.
18:49So who have we got next, Paul?
18:51Meeting this person was a top five
18:53moment of my life.
18:55It's Abby Howells.
18:57What was the best moment of my life?
18:59I know what it is.
19:01It was when I
19:03played the lion in my high school
19:05production of The Wizard of Oz.
19:07I came out at the end
19:09and I got the biggest tear.
19:11And my mum actually told me
19:13afterwards that I needed to tone it down
19:15a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:19The other cast members might watch this
19:21and they might think that you got bigger tears.
19:23It was the lion show, baby. Everybody know it.
19:25Okay.
19:27Let's do it.
19:43More lion.
19:45More lion.
19:55More lion.
19:57Did someone say more lion?
20:07Lion.
20:09Lion.
20:11Lion.
20:15Really great.
20:17If that was a true reflection of what actually happened
20:19I'd totally see what your mother was saying.
20:21I've never seen
20:23someone so happy with themselves.
20:25All my life.
20:27That's what my mum said.
20:29Did you do the voice like in the movie?
20:31100% I did the voice.
20:33Let me at him.
20:35Put him up.
20:37Come here.
20:39Paul, so far we've had two drama students
20:41hooking up and one of them getting
20:43a round of applause. Do you think maybe we should go
20:45to one of the comedians who's actually had a child or something?
20:47Meeting this person was
20:49one of the top five moments of my life.
20:51It's Taufinga
20:53Te Pulea'i.
20:55Best moment of my life.
20:57Having my kids.
20:59Having your kids do what?
21:01Can they report?
21:03You can be my wife.
21:05Okay.
21:07Use the bed upstairs.
21:09Okay.
21:11To film the thing, not to
21:13mate the baby but
21:15you giving birth to the baby.
21:17Okay.
21:19Aren't you excited? I'm really excited.
21:21It's our first child. I'm excited.
21:23So excited.
21:27You're doing fine.
21:29Yep.
21:31I can see the feet.
21:33Oh.
21:35Wow.
21:37He looks like his mum.
21:39Okay.
21:41What do you think we should name him?
21:45I'm not sure.
21:47He's beautiful.
21:49Round two.
21:51If you can make it quick.
21:53Because there's an important rugby game.
21:55Wow.
21:57Our second son.
21:59Last one.
22:01Easy pitch.
22:03Just one push.
22:07It's gone back in.
22:09Again.
22:15Wow.
22:17Most incredible moment of my life.
22:25I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:27on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth.
22:29After I gave birth to Angela Dravid
22:31in season one.
22:33And I'll tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:37I really enjoy the angelic way in which
22:39you screamed the pain.
22:43Very interesting interpretation of
22:45how a woman gives birth to a child.
22:47In fairness, I've only been at one
22:49birth. Right.
22:51And I was very young.
22:55I was split seconds old.
22:57I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life, which is throwing
23:01to an ad break during Taskmaster for the
23:0347th time.
23:05Here we go. It's time for the ads.
23:19Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:21For the break, we were watching
23:23comedians reenact the best moments of
23:25their lives, and it turns out they haven't
23:27done much. Who have
23:29you got next for me, Paul?
23:31Meeting this person was a top five moment of my
23:33life. It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:37It's the best moment of my life.
23:39Do you know what it was? What?
23:41I don't know if we can do this legally. Can we
23:43reenact Little Ship of Horrors?
23:45We could probably do like a version
23:47of it. Were you in the play? No, I was
23:49watching it. Oh, you watched the play.
23:51I watched it as an eight year old, and it stuttered
23:53me on my... It fired off
23:55everything in my brain. Okay.
23:57Okay, let's do this.
23:59Where did you come from,
24:01strange little plant?
24:03Please
24:05get bigger
24:07for me.
24:13Please get
24:15bigger for
24:17me.
24:23Please,
24:25Paul Moore,
24:27give me plasma.
24:33It's so funny.
24:35I'm a Venus
24:37Flatshred from
24:39Deep in the Galaxy.
24:41I want you
24:43to saw me, Paul Moore.
24:45I want you to saw me.
24:53Small boutique
24:55terror.
25:09Wow, this theatre thing
25:11is amazing, Papa.
25:13I think I've been put on a different
25:15path in this lifetime.
25:23I would like to say for legal
25:25reasons, that was not Little Shop
25:27of Horrors. It was, what was it called?
25:29Small Boutique of Terrors. That's right.
25:31I was
25:33in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Me too. For Onehunga High School. It was pretty cool.
25:37Same, Harborough High School? Yeah.
25:39I was the dentist, but I guess in your production I'd be
25:41like the podiatrist or something.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it. Oh, we
25:47should do it, all of us. Stay tuned
25:49for tickets for our performance
25:51of Little Shop of Horrors. I can't,
25:53absolutely can't wait for that. What was it?
25:55What was it about Little Shop of Horrors? A horror?
25:57A shop?
25:59A shop?
26:01No, the musical
26:03element to it, a play, a horror,
26:05in the play they all get eaten
26:07by the plant and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:11It just wonderfully excited me.
26:13Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous
26:15plant? Oh, good. It's self-defence.
26:21Wouldn't it be? It would be self-defence.
26:23Like if you got eaten by a broccoli.
26:25If I got eaten by a broccoli, I'd be like,
26:27it was worth it.
26:29Me too, me too. So we've only got
26:31one comedian left and I know that he
26:33has two beautiful, healthy
26:35children, so I think it's safe to assume
26:37he's going to relive that.
26:39Meeting this person...
26:43I've met him.
26:47It's Ben.
26:49The best moment of my life
26:51is when I knocked that Jenga thing
26:53out with a tennis ball.
27:01Man, that was
27:03quite something.
27:05We've got the blocks. Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09Okay.
27:11Good luck, Ben Hurley.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block
27:15out of a tower with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:17Darn you, Paul!
27:19Why do you gotta make these tasks
27:21so gosh darn hard?
27:23Ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:45That's the kind of thing
27:47I do all the time.
27:49It's unbelievably
27:51cool.
27:53There's
27:55nothing left for me here now.
27:57Good luck with all your
27:59future endeavours, earthlings.
28:03Thought so.
28:21Okay, so everyone's seen
28:23what happened earlier on in the episode.
28:25Now we've seen your remembering of it
28:27and everyone's seen the other. You think the two,
28:29can you see how they
28:31might not? Really, in life, there is
28:33no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:35Everything is seen
28:37through a lens. Wow. And that was my lens.
28:39I feel like the second one was objectively
28:41worse. I agree.
28:43It's sort of like doing a remake of a
28:45movie too soon. Yeah. You know what I mean?
28:47It's like... Give it time, give it time.
28:49You need like 20 years in between, not
28:51just straight away. It almost makes the first
28:53task seem shit now.
28:55Do you know what I mean? Hey, you're right.
28:57You don't even go here. I'm sorry, I'm just, I don't even go here.
28:59I'll go, I'll go.
29:01How do you want to score it?
29:03This is going to be quite difficult. I think
29:05Ben definitely gets one point.
29:07Okay. Because I saw
29:09the original
29:11and there's just nothing like it. It's too fresh.
29:13There's nothing there for me.
29:15I think I will give two points to
29:17I thought it was a great performance, but
29:19there were three moments. I think
29:21Hayley, three points for you. Great turnaround
29:23on what you thought was how you hated
29:25people that did things and you became one of those people very
29:27quickly, so I appreciate that. Thank you.
29:29Tom, I think four points for The Little Shop
29:31of Horrors. And Abbey,
29:33five points.
29:35Well done, Abbey.
29:37Thank you, Hayley.
29:39That was very moving.
29:41Yeah, he bullied me.
29:43I think I'm about ready for another task. You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first team task
29:47of the season, but also
29:49it's time for the first
29:51top secret mission of the season.
30:01Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:05Hello, Paul. Hello, Abbey.
30:07What do I do?
30:09Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah. Over here, look.
30:13Oh.
30:17He got really nervous.
30:21Be the most excited to meet
30:23your teammates.
30:25They can't know about this task.
30:27One person on the other team has received
30:29this task. If you're more excited
30:31than them, your team wins.
30:33Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:35Do you understand the task?
30:37Be excited? Yeah.
30:39Woo!
30:41Quite excited.
30:43Yeah. No problem.
30:45No problem.
30:47I'm quite excitable.
30:49Okay. I'm going.
30:51Thank you, Ben. Woo!
30:55Hey, Paul.
30:57Hi, Paul.
30:59Hello.
31:03Hi. Hello.
31:05Hi.
31:07No surprise?
31:09Hi. Big fan.
31:11Big fans. Yeah.
31:13Do you have a task for me? I do.
31:15Can I have it? Not quite.
31:17Why not?
31:19Oh!
31:25This is the best!
31:27This is the best!
31:33Not too bad.
31:35Hi. Hello.
31:37Nice to meet you.
31:39So lovely to meet you.
31:41What a cute outfit.
31:43Your outfit is so nice.
31:45I love it.
31:47Did we just become best friends?
31:53Nice to meet you.
31:55So nice to meet you.
31:57I feel a little sheepish. I know.
31:59Break dancing.
32:01What the hell are you doing?
32:03Break dancing. I'm so happy.
32:05Do you know when you hugged me,
32:07you popped my bra strap.
32:09That's how excited we are.
32:19So,
32:21before I score that,
32:23how do you think you went, Abby?
32:25I got stage fright
32:27because I'd never met your finger before.
32:29And I was like,
32:31he's going to think you're a big silly goose.
32:33It was already
32:35an awkward situation when Tom had walked in.
32:37And then by the time you arrived there,
32:39there was like triple awkward going on.
32:41You think Captain Autism is going to
32:43make that less awkward?
32:47What I do, baby.
32:49So, Hayley, how do you feel
32:51about Ben now that you've watched that?
32:53Honestly, so betrayed.
32:57I wouldn't have
32:59done the streamer or the break dancing,
33:01I would have done everything else, normally.
33:03It all just feels like a lie to me now and I don't trust you anymore.
33:07That's a good old fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:09How do you want to score it?
33:11She's a 1-5 trouncing.
33:13There's no other way you can do it.
33:15So, 1-4, Abby and her team.
33:17And then she's a 5
33:19for Ben and Hayley because that was next level.
33:21Really, it was a lot.
33:23Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:27She was perfect this episode.
33:29Is this the first time
33:31you've talked to a woman?
33:37Second, and the first one's underwear fell off.
33:43So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:45No, of course.
33:47I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is.
33:49And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:51Act excited, it's another ad break.
33:53We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
33:59Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:01What's going on, Paul?
34:03We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:05which began with a secret mission
34:07to act excited.
34:09Ben acted extremely excited
34:11and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:13Right, can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:15Si.
34:21Make a leaning tower of bricks.
34:23Si.
34:27Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:29If you break one
34:31of the three secret rules,
34:33you must step away from the tower
34:35and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:37You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:39Best and most
34:41leaning pasta tower wins.
34:43You have 25 minutes.
34:45Your time starts now.
34:47Oh my God, you didn't delay.
34:49I always delay before I say your time starts now
34:51Okay, what have you done?
34:53I'm so excited, it's Hayley.
34:57So, what's the idea here?
34:59We've got pasta, I heard pasta
35:01and I heard secret rules.
35:03Yes, so the aim is to make the best
35:05and most leaning tower
35:07but that is made harder if they break
35:09my secret rules.
35:11How do they know about the secret rules?
35:13They don't know about the secret rules.
35:15That's why they're secret.
35:17Echo entrambe la squadre.
35:19Squadre.
35:21Godere.
35:23So we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:25If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:27Yeah, okay.
35:29Step back please.
35:33Can we leave the lab?
35:35Oh yeah, good idea.
35:37Let's make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
35:39Step back please.
35:41Oh no.
35:43So that's one of them, you can't leave the lab.
35:45I didn't say that.
35:47Step back please.
35:49Is it like
35:51P words or something?
35:53The problem with pasta is it's dried so...
35:55Step back please.
35:57Okay.
35:59You're just going to not
36:01talk anymore?
36:03It's not talking.
36:05We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:07Oh no.
36:11We can't say another P word either.
36:13Oh, penis.
36:15Step back please.
36:17Everything started with that letter A.
36:19Don't say Paul again.
36:21No, it's P words.
36:23Paramed Paul.
36:25See?
36:27Oh for God's sake.
36:29Okay, you've figured it out.
36:31Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:33Seam of what?
36:35The seam of the two...
36:37Materials.
36:39They're not going to get us that easily, Paul.
36:41Sorry everyone.
36:43Is there going to be stuff on the outside there?
36:45Like little
36:47Po.
36:49Step back please.
36:51Tom, this is excellent.
36:53Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape.
36:57That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:01Step back please.
37:05Oh come on.
37:07Come on.
37:09I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:11You and me?
37:13What about our undeniable chemistry?
37:15I know.
37:17And afterwards we can cook it.
37:19Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:21It's architecturally
37:23interesting, I think.
37:25Step back please.
37:29Twelve minutes.
37:33Friend?
37:35How do we prep the roll?
37:37There goes just being a prick.
37:45If we just put the things in.
37:53Oh!
37:55Wow!
37:57And that's got a lane.
37:59Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:05It's
38:07pre...
38:09pre...
38:11Forty seconds.
38:13Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:15Sixteen seconds.
38:17I'm going to try.
38:19Oh!
38:21Yes!
38:25I mean now we're just...
38:27Just making it look pretty.
38:29Oh!
38:31Bring it on!
38:37We did it! Yeah!
38:39Can you tell us the third roll?
38:41No. Okay.
38:43He never says anything.
38:55Okay.
38:57Before.
38:59No.
39:01So the third roll was
39:03if they spoke in an Italian accent
39:05a giant meatball would swing down
39:07and destroy the tower.
39:09So I was kind of trying to prompt them.
39:11You were?
39:13Just made you look like a psycho.
39:15No, yes.
39:17It was about the leaning tower.
39:19The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:21Yes.
39:23And I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tefinga's one
39:25looked like that.
39:27It looked like a giant phallus coming out of the leaning tower.
39:29There's a phallic part to it
39:31slightly on the right there, you've got to say.
39:33I would like to point out
39:35that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid.
39:39That was just a self-contained
39:41pasta structure.
39:43That's a rubber band.
39:45Made entirely
39:47from slightly sucked pasta.
39:49Okay.
39:51I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:53and two points for Abbey, Tefinga and Tom.
39:55Okay.
39:57Glue and tape.
39:59Glue and tape.
40:01So now that we've followed the three rules
40:03of Pasta Towers, it's time for you to follow
40:05the three rules of advertising.
40:07Bye, bye, bye. We'll see you after this.
40:09Tena koutou.
40:21Tena koutou. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:23It's almost time for our live task
40:25which could decide it all, but first
40:27Paul, how's our school board
40:29looking tonight? In first place
40:31it's Abbey Howells on 20 points.
40:3320 points.
40:35Interesting.
40:37Everyone, please make your way
40:39to the stage for the live
40:41task.
40:45Okay, Paul, who's
40:47reading the task tonight? Madeline
40:49Sami on behalf of Tefinga.
40:51Thank you so much and can I just say it's a privilege
40:53to be here and
40:55Go season one, Taskmaster!
40:57Okay, here we go. Fan out
40:59your flame. You cannot
41:01move from or move
41:03your mat. You may not throw
41:05items. If your candle falls
41:07you are disqualified.
41:09Fastest fanned
41:11out flame wins.
41:13Contestants ready?
41:15Yes.
41:19Feet back, Tom. Foot back.
41:21Hayley, foot back, please.
41:23Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:25Tom,
41:27foot on the mat, please.
41:29Come on, Mads. Come on, Mads. Be a friend.
41:31Come on, Mads.
41:33Foot back.
41:47Are we going to battle it out for the
41:49first time?
41:51Are we going to battle it out
41:53for one point? Oh, no, yeah.
41:55I will. You couldn't have scripted
41:57this, Jeremy. It's
41:59nerd versus job.
42:03Oh, my gosh.
42:05Go out!
42:09She's practicing sorcery.
42:11Yeah,
42:13this is...
42:21You're
42:23flaming. You're inflaming it. You're
42:25adding oxygen.
42:31Abby, would you like
42:33to blow out your flame?
42:41Come back
42:43down and let's see how that's affected the
42:45scores.
42:52So,
42:54based on that live task,
42:56Abby gets one point, Ben
42:58gets two, Tom gets three,
43:00four for Hayley, and the winner
43:02of the live task with five points
43:04representing Tofinga was Madeline
43:06Sami.
43:08Well done.
43:10Great use of the jacket. Thank you.
43:12Okay, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:14Our winner, by
43:16one point, second place was Hayley,
43:18first place is Abby Howells.
43:21Congratulations, Abby.
43:23You're now the proud owner of five
43:25success-inducing secrets.
43:27Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:29So close. Well done, Abby.
43:31Thank you for joining us for another
43:33episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:35We've learned how important it is to really
43:37make something of your life so that
43:39your single greatest achievement isn't
43:41watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors
43:43or chucking a
43:45tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:47But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner of Taskmaster
43:51Season 5, Episode 2
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:57I've been Jeremy Wells. We'll see you next time.
43:59Goodnight. Ka kite anō.
44:16Okay, Paul,
44:18can we get down to business?
44:23That's five points from me.
44:27You're under arrest!
44:28He can't help but be an alpha.