Taskmaster.NZ.S05E03

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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come on!
00:07Come on!
00:08Jiggle-biddle-tee!
00:09Oh!
00:10Yeah!
00:11He-he-he-he!
00:12Nomai Piki Maio, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38Thanks for joining us tonight, unless you're somehow watching this illegally.
00:42In which case, I'd like to say you're very naughty, and I hope you like jail, because
00:47that's exactly where you're going.
00:49To the rest of you though, my name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.
00:59Joining me on the stage tonight are four of Aotearoa's top thousand comedians.
01:05They are Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:16And as you may know, Tofinga Whipuli'a'i cannot be with us in the studio this season, so in
01:23his place, we're being haunted by ghosts from Taskmaster's past.
01:30Standing in tonight, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Matt Heath.
01:34It's an honour.
01:35It's an honour to be back.
01:36Next to me, as always, keeping track of the scores and adding them all up like a big calculator
01:41made of human meat, it's my trusty assistant, Paul Williams.
01:49I'm not wearing a wire.
01:54It makes me think that you are wearing a wire.
01:55Why would you say that?
01:56Well, I say it because I'm not wearing a wire.
01:59That's why I'd say it.
02:00Well, we can literally see it.
02:01Like it's right there.
02:03In fact, we're all wearing them.
02:05It's how we're being heard right now.
02:07OK, but this one's wireless.
02:12All right.
02:15What's this week's prize task?
02:17Tonight, we have asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that you are confident
02:23that Jeremy has never owned in his life.
02:26Potentially very risky for our contestants.
02:29Hayley, what have you brought in?
02:32I've taken a stab in the dark here because I don't know you that well, Jeremy.
02:36So I have brought in something I assume you haven't owned, which is a My First Period
02:40kit.
02:41You've got Women's Day, Woman's Day, Women's Weekly and Woman Magazine, because you are
02:48now a woman.
02:49There's pads, there's tampons, there's some fresh period undies in there.
02:51There's just everything you would need for your first period.
02:54I'm assuming you haven't owned one of these before.
02:56No, but I do have a 14-year-old daughter.
02:59Wow, you could share it with her.
03:02Matt, you are representing Tofinga tonight.
03:06What have you brought in?
03:07Well, I also don't know you that well, Jeremy, but you strike me as a sort of pampered kind
03:13of individual.
03:14So what I've brought in is something that you will never have experienced, and it's
03:19normal, cheap, low thread count bed linen.
03:26That's not linen.
03:27That's polyester.
03:28I can smell it from here.
03:29Get it off the screen, I don't even want to see it.
03:32I don't want to see it.
03:33Let's move on.
03:34Tom.
03:35OK, having broken into your house, I know that you've already got the Wellington Beehive
03:41version and you've already got the Uluru version, but have you got the Sydney Opera House puzzle?
03:48What?
03:49Do you like puzzles?
03:50I hate puzzles.
03:52Don't you like having fun?
03:57There's nothing fun about doing a puzzle.
03:58I mean, there's the picture.
03:59There it is there.
04:01It's been done before.
04:02We know it exists.
04:03I can honestly say I have never once done a puzzle.
04:07I've never picked up a piece to even do a puzzle.
04:10Have you ever got your staff to do it?
04:13I do a lot of puzzles.
04:15Abby.
04:16Yes?
04:17What did you bring in?
04:18I made you a bullet journal.
04:20I made it Jeremy's journal, top secret, and I've decorated it.
04:25On the next page, discreditude, you know, today I'm grateful for.
04:30And then on the next page, nice moments, you know, for example, being given this journal
04:35by my new friend, Abby.
04:38So.
04:39That's beautiful.
04:40That is beautiful.
04:41It's very thoughtful.
04:42Thank you, Jeremy.
04:43I put it together.
04:44I sat at my coffee table and I said, I think he's going to like this, Abby, and my mum
04:47thinks so too.
04:48I think he or she says it's lovely, Abby.
04:53Ben.
04:54You know, people might think of you as being a sort of buttoned down, you know, clean cut
04:59high achiever.
05:00But I know for a fact you were kicked out of a number of high schools, isn't that correct?
05:05One high school.
05:06That's good.
05:07Well, I was head boy of my high school.
05:09Were you?
05:10I was, of Haurora High School, just calm down, it just meant I didn't impregnate anybody.
05:16They give you a badge?
05:17They give you, they give you a plaque, Jeremy, and there it is there.
05:21I was head boy of Haurora High School, 1997.
05:24I guarantee you don't have a head boy plaque.
05:28They give you a plaque?
05:29Yeah.
05:30Like you might forget that you're a head boy or something?
05:32I will never forget that.
05:35Is head boy still in your CV?
05:37I mean, Tom, I don't have a CV.
05:42People just sort of know.
05:44Alright, how am I going to score this?
05:48Have you had any of these items before?
05:49I have had terrible linen, so I kind of feel like, Matt, you may come in for one point
05:57there.
05:58No.
05:59Tough name.
06:00I have also had gratitude journals in the past, Abbey, which means two for you.
06:03Ben, I don't like a gloater, so three for you.
06:07That's more than I was expecting, I'll be honest.
06:10Four for you, Hayley, and there's no way I've ever had a puzzle anywhere near me, five points
06:15for Tom.
06:16Well done, Tom.
06:17Well done.
06:19Yuck.
06:20Okay, Paul, should we get down to business?
06:24If you like marshmallows, just buy some at the shop, they're not expensive, and just
06:29eat them.
06:30Anyway, enjoy this task.
06:31Can't see him.
06:32Oh, he's there.
06:33Oh, it's a tiny little one.
06:34So cute.
06:35Do I put these on him, I guess?
06:50Oh, yeah, because this is tiny.
06:53I've actually got really good vision, I don't even really need these.
06:56I still can't see it.
06:58If you can read it, that'll help.
06:59Throw a marshmallow over the wall and catch it in your mouth.
07:04You must wear Zoom goggles, that's these, right, the whole time.
07:09Fewest attempts wins.
07:11You have until you catch a marshmallow in your mouth.
07:15Your time starts now.
07:17Your time starts now.
07:19Oh my gosh.
07:20How do I do that?
07:21How do I throw it over the wall and catch it in my own mouth?
07:26That's the task.
07:27That's what you've got to figure out.
07:31Right, let's see some hilariously inaccurate marshmallow tossing.
07:36This time, it's women and children last.
07:39First up, it's the fellas Ben Tefinga and Tom.
07:42OK, here we go.
07:44Too far.
07:45Leave it.
07:46Oh, too far again.
07:47OK.
07:48Don't even think about it.
07:50I reckon I can just run it down the wall.
07:53Oh, it hit my mouth.
07:57Oy yoy yoy.
08:02Oh no, it was so close.
08:06Come on, Paul, got to hurry up, fella.
08:13OK.
08:14Oh, no, that was so close.
08:17Come on, Paul.
08:18Got to hype me up better.
08:19OK, sorry.
08:20You can do this.
08:21Oh, man, it's too hype.
08:24Come on, you might be able to do this.
08:30Oh, yeah!
08:31Yeah!
08:32Yeah!
08:33Yeah!
08:34Yeah!
08:35It's in.
08:38Oh!
08:40Five.
08:41Is it five?
08:42One, two, three, four, five.
08:46Thank you, Tom.
08:48Peace.
08:49Thank you to a finger.
08:50Want a marshmallow?
08:51Yes, please.
08:52Go on.
08:53Hey!
08:54Bobby!
09:00Ben and Tom, how did that wall taste?
09:02Hmm, bricky?
09:05Definitely wasn't bricky.
09:07I think it tasted like crayons.
09:09You guys managed to get the marshmallows in your mouth,
09:12but Toffinger was the only person who managed to do it
09:15without looking like a complete numpty.
09:17Yeah.
09:18Well, he didn't raise his head or open his mouth
09:20for the first five.
09:22So he looked cool for a while.
09:24The first time he actually opened his mouth and looked up,
09:26went straight in.
09:27Yeah, I thought his method was way off,
09:29but it looked really good when it happened.
09:31It looked so cool.
09:32So much better than us, Tom.
09:33Yeah.
09:34We're just a couple of wall lickers.
09:37Tom, 20 attempts.
09:39Toffinger, 19 attempts.
09:42Ben, only seven attempts.
09:44Oh, my God.
09:45Yes.
09:46That's good, right? It's like golf.
09:47Yes.
09:48Yeah, OK.
09:49If you'd like to try this one at home,
09:51why not punch a big hole through a wall in your house
09:53and give it a go?
09:54You have the length of one ad break.
09:56Back soon with more Taskmaster.
09:58Ka kite ākua nei.
10:08Welcome back to Taskmaster.
10:10Paul, I believe we were mid-task
10:12before we were so rudely interrupted.
10:14That's right.
10:15Our contestants were tasked with throwing a marshmallow
10:18over a wall and catching it in their mouth,
10:20all while wearing a pair of Zoom goggles.
10:23Up next, her hair is the same colour as 50% of marshmallows.
10:28It's Hayley Sproul.
10:31Oh, for God's sake, Paul.
10:33My arm's just too short.
10:34I want, like, a little pincer.
10:36There might be tongs in the kitchen.
10:38Can you take me? Could you?
10:39OK.
10:40Don't you fall, cos it'll be a real mess.
10:43OK.
10:44Have you ever looked after an old woman?
10:47No.
10:48You'll be quite good, Paul.
10:50You've got a gentle way.
10:52Jeebus creepus.
10:54Ha!
10:55Ha!
10:56Ha!
10:57Ha!
10:58Ha!
10:59Ha!
11:00Ha!
11:01Ha!
11:02Ha!
11:03Ha!
11:04Oh, no!
11:06That was my worst one yet.
11:07Yeah.
11:08I need to create some sort of funnel system, I think.
11:11Yeah, great.
11:12OK, I think this is good.
11:17Oh.
11:22Oh, no.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:27Yay!
11:29There you go.
11:30Great.
11:31Yeah.
11:32I think there was some real Kiwi ingenuity on display there,
11:35but you probably say pushing the boundaries
11:37of what you would say the word catch.
11:40I caught it.
11:41You...
11:42We saw me catch it.
11:44Caught it with a funnel.
11:46It just felt a bit droppy to me.
11:49It was not droppy, it was throwy-catchy.
11:52Also, my agent is going to be talking to production about that shot.
11:55You've done me dirty there.
11:57Go crazy, internet, make the memes, all that.
12:01I would say Ben and Tom's staying quite quiet in this discussion.
12:05Aren't they?
12:06There was quite a vertical drop from their throws as well.
12:09We've got to go to ads, I think.
12:11No, we just came back from an ad.
12:13Whereas my team was quite clearly...
12:15Yeah.
12:16No-one's debating that Dwarflinga did a great job.
12:18No doubt about it.
12:19Let's just come back to this in a second,
12:21cos I can't help but notice that we've left one person to last.
12:24She's a queen and she's generating a lot of buzz.
12:28It's Abby.
12:31I reckon I'm going to do it right away.
12:36OK, I'm going to look at the task again.
12:38OK.
12:39There's going to be another way.
12:41Throw a marshmallow over the wall and catch it in your mouth.
12:45Doesn't necessarily say at the same time.
12:48If I throw a marshmallow over the wall and then catch it in my mouth,
12:53I'm still kind of doing it.
12:55Incoming!
12:59Nice. Part one done.
13:01Now catch it in my mouth.
13:04OK.
13:07Right, there was a bust, Paul.
13:09We're coming back for another one.
13:11Throw it over the wall.
13:13Catch it in my mouth.
13:16OK, there was a bust as well, Paul.
13:18Throw it over the wall.
13:20Catch it in my mouth.
13:24OK, there was a bust too.
13:26Throw it over the wall.
13:27Catch it in my mouth.
13:33Good.
13:34Damn it.
13:38Mustn't get stressed, Abby.
13:40No one's dying.
13:41OK.
13:47Wow, Paul!
13:50I think this is the first time on Taskmaster
13:53that someone's ever found a loophole
13:55that's actually made it harder to complete the task.
13:58It truly did not occur to me to put my hand through the hole.
14:03Paul passed you the task through the hole.
14:06My whole life it's like, don't put your hand in the hole.
14:10So how many times did it take Abby to actually get...
14:13So nine times.
14:15OK.
14:16You see, I feel like the task was really to throw it over
14:20and catch it in the same kind of action.
14:23And so I'm going to disqualify Abby.
14:27But these guys were dropping as well, were they?
14:29They were all dropping.
14:31So unfortunately you all get no points.
14:34And Tofinga gets five points.
14:37Team Tofinga!
14:38Yes!
14:40Unbelievable.
14:42OK, Paul, so how's the scoreboard looking?
14:45On six points in the lead, it's Tofinga.
14:50All right.
14:51Let's barrel on to another task, I reckon.
14:54It's time for the old switcheroo.
15:03Hi.
15:04Hello, Ben.
15:05Hi.
15:06Hello, Tom.
15:07Hello, Tofinga.
15:08Hey, mate.
15:13Lamps.
15:14Let there be light.
15:16You like lamps?
15:17I love lamp.
15:20Turn on a lamp in the lab.
15:23You must be seated at the desk in the study
15:26when the lamp turns on.
15:28Fastest one.
15:30You have one hour maximum.
15:32Your time starts now.
15:34Oh, yeah, there we go.
15:35Salt lamp.
15:36Positive ions.
15:37Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
15:40And this one I'll just use that.
15:43Auto.
15:45Auto.
15:49Woof.
15:50Woof.
15:51Can I turn on the lamp sexually?
15:54Yeah.
16:00Abby, how do you arouse a lamp?
16:03They're already pretty hard, that's right.
16:06OK, should we see how everyone went?
16:08The starting initials of these comedians are T, B, A.
16:12OK, I'll announce them now.
16:14They're T, B and A.
16:16It's Tom, Ben and Abby.
16:18I'm going to try to turn on this one.
16:20Just based on...
16:21Vibe.
16:22Boom.
16:23OK, that's my guy.
16:25Right.
16:26I need, like, a pulley system.
16:28I need to make a sound down there while sitting here.
16:31Like if I got some string.
16:33I could pull something and I could make a noise.
16:38Nice.
16:39This looks pretty loud.
16:40So what's the plan?
16:41I'm just going to sit up there and pull the string
16:43and it's going to pull this over and make a loud noise
16:46and that's going to go on.
16:51See if it works.
16:52There goes nothing.
16:55Come on.
16:57Come on.
17:02Oh, no, it broke!
17:04Oh, no!
17:07OK, I need the rope.
17:09Turns out the yarn's no good.
17:11How are we doing over there?
17:16Yeah, I feel like this should work.
17:19We'll give this one a go.
17:21OK.
17:23What's happening?
17:26Come on!
17:33Come on!
17:36I'm going to glue it to the table.
17:38OK.
17:39Oh, my God!
17:45I'm just going to go and give it a go.
17:48Ow!
17:49It's giving me rope burn!
17:57Ow!
18:06Yes!
18:07Ah!
18:09Yes!
18:13Stop the clock.
18:17Well done.
18:19What was quite interesting was watching the difference
18:22between Tom pulling his piece of yarn
18:24like a young schoolboy pulling on a piece of wool
18:27and then you pulling it,
18:28and you look like you're reeling in a marlin.
18:30His yarn was actually digging into a bit of wall quite hard
18:34and has damaged the house.
18:36Oh, yeah.
18:37I don't think people appreciate...
18:39So there's, like, multiple stairwells, right?
18:41So you have to kind of hook it around a whole lot of stuff
18:44to kind of get the pulley system going.
18:46But I don't know, I guess I was just lucky.
18:49It only required a gentle touch, Ben.
18:51It's not my way, Jeremy.
18:53Bullet a gate is how they call me.
18:55He can't help but be an alpha.
18:57Yeah.
18:58So...
18:59Wow!
19:00I hated that.
19:02Abby, you went with the glue.
19:04Yeah.
19:05I'm also thankful that I spent, I would say,
19:07a really significant amount of time
19:09trying to turn on the lamp sexually,
19:11and I'm glad they didn't show it.
19:16She did write a letter, quite a saucy letter,
19:19to one of the lamps.
19:21Yeah, the lamp left me on read, unfortunately.
19:24Oh!
19:25The LS.
19:26Overall, 28 minutes and 57 seconds for Abby.
19:29Ben, 25 minutes and 1 second.
19:32And Tom, a mere 9 minutes and 45 seconds.
19:35Oh!
19:36Wow!
19:38Have we got time for one more?
19:40We sure do, Jeremy.
19:41And if a lightbulb went off above his head
19:43every time he had a good idea,
19:45this guy's power bill would be through the roof.
19:47It's Tofinga.
19:49I must be seated at the desk in the study.
19:52Press the desk down here, mate.
19:54So you want us to bring the desk...
19:56Bring the desk...
19:57Down.
19:58Yep, in the seat.
20:00You'll be seated at the desk that's in the study,
20:02but the desk will be here.
20:04Yeah.
20:06OK.
20:15This one's cool, eh?
20:18Yeah.
20:28Need a hand pull.
20:29That's OK.
20:40You tell me when.
20:42Ready.
20:45Easy.
20:48Thank you, Paul.
20:51Shall I take the desk back up, then?
20:53Yeah, if you can do that, please, mate.
20:55OK.
20:57Oh, my God.
21:00Matt, you've got to say that I think you found quite a good loophole.
21:03Yeah.
21:04Work smarter, not harder.
21:06I mean, where did it say that you had to be in the study?
21:09The wording was, at the desk in the study.
21:11I think I can say that we will accept Tufinga's efforts.
21:15Yes.
21:16And I think he'll be judged on his time.
21:19And I'm sure his time was incredibly fast.
21:22Well, the desk was quite heavy.
21:24Yeah.
21:25So 28 minutes and 28 seconds.
21:28Well, that's on you.
21:29He can't be blamed for the laziness of his staff.
21:32Honestly, 28, if you knew how hard it was to move that desk...
21:36Well, Team Tufinga, we appreciate that.
21:38We appreciate your service.
21:40We've just seen four comedians approach to turning on a lamp.
21:43So what on earth has the other one done?
21:46We'll find out after the break.
21:48See you soon.
22:00Nau mai, hoki mai.
22:01Welcome back to Taskmaster,
22:02New Zealand's most cutting-edge TV show.
22:04Tonight, we're watching people turn on lamps.
22:07Yes, but this isn't your grandmother's lamp-turning-on-TV show.
22:10All right, Paul, let's see how our last contestant went.
22:13Like I'm greeting a friend whose first name is Lee
22:16and surname is Sproul.
22:18Hey, Lee Sproul.
22:21I'm going to go for this guy, I think.
22:25OK, I need to time something loud.
22:27OK.
22:30You're going to have to be so quiet, Paul.
22:32OK.
22:33Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
22:36OK.
22:39How will I know?
22:42Did it happen, Paul?
22:44You told me not to make noise.
22:49Did it not turn on?
22:51No.
22:52Did the jug boil?
22:53Yeah.
22:57OK, I'm going to try again.
22:59It's not a candle, hey, Lee?
23:01Oh, bastard.
23:03That's not a candle!
23:17Did it work?
23:18Yes.
23:19When I was upstairs?
23:20No.
23:21When?
23:22You were on the stairs.
23:24I think the jug boiled too quickly cos it was hot.
23:28If I call out your name, call back to me.
23:31I'm just scared that my voice might activate the light.
23:34That's the point, that's not a rule, that can't happen.
23:41Paul!
23:45Is it on?
23:46I thought you called me.
23:48No!
23:49Just say yes.
23:51Paul, if you can hear me, say, I hear you!
23:54Yes, I can hear you.
23:56OK.
23:57So what is it that you're not understanding?
23:59What do you mean?
24:00So did you hear me call Paul?
24:02Not well.
24:03Right, but you heard it?
24:06Yeah.
24:07I'll say, Paul!
24:09Hello.
24:10Yeah, but wait till I'm upstairs and then you're going to go, yes!
24:15Yes!
24:17The jug only just ended.
24:19Are you going to boil the jug?
24:20OK, Paul, I'm abandoning the jug.
24:22You didn't give the jug a chance.
24:24I gave it three chances.
24:25I don't think so, you came down before...
24:27Hey, hey, hey!
24:31Paul!
24:33Yes!
24:37How loud did you...?
24:39Loud.
24:40Shot example for me.
24:42Yes!
24:43That's Paul...
24:45I think the jug is a good idea.
24:49OK, are you ready?
24:50Yeah.
24:51I require nothing of you anymore, Paul.
24:53OK.
24:55Does it all work?
24:57Yeah.
24:58OK, do you want a cup of tea?
25:00Um...
25:06That just about killed me.
25:08Just about killed you.
25:10I'm sorry.
25:11I'm sorry.
25:12I'm sorry.
25:13I'm sorry.
25:14I'm sorry.
25:15I'm sorry.
25:16I'm sorry.
25:17I'm sorry.
25:18I'm sorry.
25:19I'm sorry.
25:20I'm sorry.
25:21I'm sorry.
25:22I'm sorry.
25:23That just about killed you.
25:24Yeah, how many times did Hayley yell at you?
25:26Uh...
25:2719.
25:29But then basically Paul was telling you,
25:31use the jug.
25:32I know.
25:33The jug was working well for you.
25:34It wasn't, but I thought, I was like,
25:35it's taking too long,
25:36and you may see me going like this the whole time,
25:38the room was getting so hot with the jug steam,
25:41and I was running up and down the stairs,
25:43then making that room hot,
25:45it was just hot,
25:46so I was like, let's just use a human.
25:48Should we talk timings?
25:49Yes, so Hayley,
25:5119 minutes and 56 seconds.
25:53So one point for Abbey,
25:55two points for Tufinga,
25:56three points for Ben,
25:57four points for Hayley,
25:58and the winner with five points,
26:00Tom Sainsbury.
26:01I never win anything.
26:06Would you do me the honour
26:07of bringing me another task please, Paul?
26:09If you hate spoilers,
26:10and you'd like to run to the bathroom
26:12or go and get some popcorn or a choc top,
26:14this next task is the time to do it.
26:22Hello, Paul.
26:24Hello, Abbey.
26:25You all right, Paul?
26:26Hello, Tufinga.
26:28Ooh.
26:30What have we got here?
26:31Horror, okay.
26:33Okay, we've got genres here.
26:35Give it a nice firm spin.
26:45Courtroom drama.
26:47Fantasy.
26:50Martial arts.
26:53Sci-fi.
26:55I would kind of hope for war.
27:00Do I have to make a 15-minute short film
27:02that's a sword and sand?
27:04Film a trailer for a movie
27:06about this trailer.
27:08This trailer?
27:09Yeah.
27:10In the style of your given genre.
27:13Best trailer, trailer wins.
27:16You have 45 minutes.
27:17Your time starts now.
27:19It has to be about the trailer.
27:21Yeah, the trailer has to feature prominently, I think.
27:23Does it have to be a trailer?
27:25You can use this any way you want.
27:27I could turn it into a spaceship.
27:29It's sort of military grey, isn't it?
27:31Yeah, I think this is like a military courtroom drama.
27:34I don't know what kind of fantasy to go about.
27:36Fantasy as in, like, elves.
27:39Or fantasy as in the stuff that I think about.
27:43Abby, your mind has gone straight to war.
27:46Yes, I'd be lying if I said
27:48I didn't enjoy military strategy.
27:51What?
27:52It makes sense.
27:53It's like a puzzle, except people die.
27:56Whose trailer are we going to see first?
27:58Up first, with his martial arts trailer, trailer,
28:00it's Tofinga.
28:03What are you doing here?
28:05I live here.
28:06In this trailer?
28:08Uh-huh.
28:10Why don't your family love you?
28:12I'm nobody.
28:14And I'll always be nobody.
28:16Well, I'm going to make you into somebody.
28:19Inhale.
28:21Exhale.
28:27Nobody.
28:29It's all in the balance.
28:34You can do it.
28:41And now your final challenge,
28:43to defeat the trailer.
28:49Amazing.
28:54Speed.
28:56Oh, that hurt.
28:59Nobody.
29:01Are you ready?
29:03I'm ready.
29:04Nobody.
29:05You are now somebody.
29:11Whoa, wow.
29:13I love a training montage when the main piece of advice is
29:16inhale, outhale.
29:18Oh, it's a beautiful mantra.
29:20Sometimes you've just got to remember to breathe, you know?
29:22Why did you choose to kick the trailer so weakly?
29:26Well, monthly didn't seem like enough kick.
29:32OK, well, that's enough terrible short films
29:34made by amateurs for now.
29:36It's time to watch some terrible short films
29:38made by professionals, the ads.
29:40We'll see you after these.
29:54Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,
29:56the show where comedians go head to head
29:58in the hopes of winning a souvenir
30:00from Ben Hurley's glory days.
30:02Paul, what are we doing here?
30:04Our contestants have been selected
30:06What are we doing here?
30:08Our contestants have been tasked with making a trailer
30:10featuring a trailer in their randomly selected genre.
30:13Who's up next, Paul?
30:15It's Ben and his trailer for a courtroom drama.
30:19In a world of war...
30:21Direct your fire, it's a trailer!
30:23It's that Yankee trailer!
30:25There are leaders
30:27and trailers.
30:29We're under heavy fire!
30:31I'm going in alone!
30:33You stay where you are, soldier.
30:35Sometimes a trailer...
30:40doesn't want to trail.
30:46Hey!
30:48No!
30:50Retreat! Retreat!
30:53Trailer, that charge you pulled
30:55might have killed all of the enemy,
30:57but you put everybody in a platoon at risk.
30:59You're under arrest.
31:01What?
31:03Order! Order!
31:05I'm a trailer, not a traitor.
31:07Sometimes the strongest...
31:09Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!
31:11...come from behind.
31:13Oh, sure.
31:15Sometimes his indicators ain't working,
31:17but you will see that the only thing
31:19that my client is guilty of
31:21is being the bravest damn trailer
31:23this man's army has ever seen!
31:25Surely a trailer is supposed to be behind a car!
31:27In a way,
31:29aren't we all trailers?
31:31Bailiff, what is your verdict?
31:33The jury finds the defendant...
31:39...a few good trailers.
31:45Jeez, that was good.
31:47Maybe it says something about me,
31:49but I really want to see that.
31:51There's a little bit of that trailer in all of us.
31:53Can you tell us?
31:55What was the verdict?
31:57Was it guilty or not guilty?
31:59I thought the CG on the trailer
32:01was pretty amazing.
32:03I mean, you could only see the hand
32:05about half the time.
32:07Also, in terms of strategy,
32:09I think just rushing the enemy
32:11never really works very well.
32:13Yeah, right.
32:15What about the charge of the light brigade?
32:17Checkmate.
32:19OK, Paul,
32:21give me another trailer trailer, please.
32:23Up next with her science fiction trailer trailer,
32:25Lights, Camera, Abby.
32:29Video log
32:314573
32:33Day 56
32:35Year 27
32:37Month 9
32:41Time to cool off your bits, Houston.
32:43I think I've finally found us a planet.
32:45Initiating
32:47landing sequence.
32:49Ah!
32:55Ah!
32:57This is a small step for man,
32:59but a giant leap
33:01for me.
33:03Because I've got short legs.
33:09Atmosphere seems pretty clear to me.
33:11Vegetation is sparse,
33:13but the soil is dead.
33:19What's this?
33:21There shouldn't be a
33:23broom here.
33:27I've got to get back on the ship.
33:29Captain's log.
33:31Captain's log.
33:33I've just been outside into the planet.
33:35There's someone there.
33:37Get me out of here.
33:39If I don't come back, please,
33:41pass on a message to my son.
33:43I'm sorry.
33:45I'm not responding.
33:47What do you mean you're not responding?
33:49I've got to get off this planet.
34:03I did not
34:05see that creep coming at the end.
34:07Jean-Pierre.
34:09Jean-Pierre from Abby's goal celebration.
34:11Of course.
34:13Episode 1.
34:15I used...
34:17I really relied on my acting to sell that.
34:19And I shouldn't have.
34:23Well, the interesting part was you set it
34:25in the future in 2027.
34:27Yeah, yeah.
34:29Which for someone of my age is only about
34:31three provisional tax payments away.
34:33Oh, you know, our boy Elon Musk,
34:35he'll get us up there.
34:37OK, who's next, Paul?
34:39It's time for a sword and sandals epic.
34:41Here's Tom Sainsbury.
34:43In the world of swords and Birkenstock
34:45sandals, there was
34:47Lactatious and his
34:49chariot trailer.
34:51Quick, Lactatious, the Williamsonites
34:53are taking the citadel.
34:55Well, I'm not going
34:57anywhere without my chariot trailer.
35:03Jesus Zeus
35:05made me a gladiator.
35:07Lactatious, you must
35:09fight the wild beasts for the entertainment
35:11of the people!
35:17Yes!
35:27As a reward for killing that rhino
35:29right and proper, we're sending
35:31you across the Mediterranean.
35:35Here I am
35:37on the shores of Breastedonious.
35:39Will I ever be
35:41reunited with my chariot trailer
35:43ever again?
35:45Anguish!
35:47Will Lactatious
35:49ever be reunited
35:51with his chariot trailer coming to
35:53cinemas 2025?
35:59Really good.
36:01OK Tom, so any reason why you decided
36:03that Paul would suit the name Lactatious?
36:05I don't know where that came
36:07from. I think, you know, there were lots of nude
36:09mannequins floating around and I think it was just
36:11playing on, I think the female
36:13form was just playing on my mind. Some boys
36:15just look like they like milk.
36:17You do like
36:19milk? I like milk a lot, yeah.
36:21There we go. Right, there should be
36:23one last trailer, is there?
36:25That's right, and it's a fantasy
36:27trailer from the twisted mind of
36:29Hayley Sproul.
36:31Once upon a time in Faydale
36:33where a myriad of creatures
36:35once roamed free, a weary
36:37fairy and a travelling
36:39beast form one of the deepest
36:41relationships of all time.
36:43Hello
36:45fairy. Hello travelling beast.
36:47What sell you in that trailer
36:49of yours? If you want to see the
36:51wares of my trailer, you have to come inside
36:53it. I have little
36:55in the way of money. Perhaps
36:57you could pay me, travelling beast, in
36:59other ways. I have literally
37:01no money. Hmm.
37:03Perhaps you could instead
37:05f*** me.
37:07F*** me, shove it in.
37:11F*** up the c***
37:13and then I'll f*** you.
37:15Then you can f***
37:17and I have one of those.
37:19Whoa. What say you, beast?
37:21Okay.
37:23Grab on.
37:25The lust of the fairies.
37:27A tale of love,
37:29betrayal, and an
37:31unexpected pregnancy.
37:37Will I ever see you again?
37:39I don't know. If my
37:41father finds out I literally f***
37:43the living c*** out of a travelling
37:45beast, he'll never forgive me.
37:47You are no daughter of mine.
37:49Run, beast.
37:51You must go. Now.
37:53Go, beast. Leave.
37:55A weary fairy
37:57and a travelling beast
37:59face a father's wrath
38:01for love.
38:03Pregnant.
38:11Wow.
38:13I wasn't actually aware they were going to bleep
38:15that. I'm sort of disappointed.
38:17That's a great story I've got to say.
38:19I got a bit hot under the...
38:21Well, that's what it's supposed to do, you know. It's really
38:23leaning into that sort of smut era. It makes me
38:25feel physically sick. Yeah, right.
38:27The look on your face when the fairy
38:29explained what she was going to do to you.
38:31You've never heard those words before. No.
38:33And I haven't heard them since.
38:35Yet you still went, okay.
38:39Alright, this is going to be quite
38:41hard to score because I really enjoyed
38:43all of those, but I'm going to give
38:45Abby a point. I'm going to give Tom
38:47two points because I think as a published
38:49director and actor, I was
38:51expecting a lot. Oh dear. Fair call.
38:53Fair call. I think Tofinga
38:55should get three points.
38:57Four points for Hayley and I thought
38:59five points for Ben Hurley.
39:01I thought that was very good.
39:05Okay, we're about to cut to some ads
39:07but if you make it through them, I've got
39:09a real treat for you.
39:11A special live task.
39:13We'll be back right after this.
39:25Nau mai, hoki mai.
39:27Welcome back to Taskmaster
39:29where our five brave comedians are
39:31about to take to the stage for a live
39:33task, but first
39:35let's see who's in with a chance of
39:37winning this episode. Paul, what are the
39:39scores? It's very close.
39:41In joint second on 11, it's Ben and
39:43Tofinga and in first equal on 12
39:45it's Hayley and Tom.
39:47Oh, hey there. Nice and close.
39:49Here we go.
39:51And Abby's on four.
39:55Humbling, yeah.
39:57Let's get on with our live task
39:59and contestants please head up to the stage.
40:07Okay Paul, what sick twisted game have you
40:09thought up for us tonight? Hayley,
40:11could you please do us the honours of explaining it?
40:13It would be my honour.
40:15In your teams, take turns
40:17to each roll an office chair
40:19towards the edge of the stage.
40:21You must roll your chair from behind
40:23the line. The closest
40:25team chair to the edge of the stage
40:27wins one point.
40:29Any chairs that go over the edge
40:31will lose their team one
40:33point. Best score over
40:35three rounds wins.
40:41I'm happy with that.
40:43Black team.
40:53Oh, amazing.
40:57Oh, it's a nice
40:59shot though.
41:01Slightly pearly.
41:05Beautiful, that's perfect.
41:09Oh my god.
41:1340.5, 32.
41:15Yes.
41:17Yeah, nice.
41:19Nice. Stop, stop, stop. Go, go, go,
41:21go, go.
41:23Oh, that's so good.
41:25That is so good.
41:27Good.
41:29That's good.
41:31Oh no, too much. No, you're alright.
41:33It's okay, it's okay.
41:37You got us a couple of centimetres there.
41:39Yeah, yeah.
41:41No!
41:43No!
41:45Yes!
41:4730.
41:49One point for team red.
41:51We need to get all of these off
41:53and we need to win one.
41:57Oh, smart.
42:01Oh, that's a beautiful
42:03roll.
42:05Oh, you dirty...
42:07Oh!
42:11Oh!
42:13Oh!
42:17Minus one for black.
42:19I don't want to play it too safe.
42:23Can you still compel?
42:25I think if she crosses the line
42:27and touches the ground, it's void.
42:29Old fun sponge over here, eh?
42:33Okay.
42:35Hang on!
42:37Minus one.
42:41Minus two.
42:43One to go.
42:51Minus four.
42:53Plus one for black.
42:57We're going into sudden death.
42:59One roller from each team
43:01closest to the edge of the stage
43:03wins.
43:05Three, two, one.
43:07Too much.
43:09Oh!
43:13That's one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
43:15Yeah!
43:17Come on down and we'll score it.
43:23I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:25Yes.
43:27Team black won. How do you want to score it?
43:29How about team of two get two points.
43:31Team of three get three points.
43:33Okay.
43:35Alright.
43:37So how's everything looking
43:39for the overall series results so far?
43:41It's unbelievably close. There's only five points
43:43in it, but with a one point lead in
43:45first, it's Hayley Sproul!
43:49But what about
43:51tonight's winner?
43:53With 15 points, the winner
43:55of episode three is
43:57Tom Sainsbury!
43:59Hey! Congratulations, Tom!
44:01You are now the proud
44:03owner of some things that I have never
44:05owned myself. Head up to the stage
44:07and enjoy your haul!
44:11Alright, as we wrap up another successful
44:13episode, it's time to look
44:15back and reflect on what we've learned.
44:17We've learned that sometimes
44:19a wall has a hole in it for a reason.
44:21We've learned it's a lot easier
44:23to turn on a lamp when you're in the same room
44:25as it. And we've learned that
44:27there is life on other planets
44:29and it looks a lot like Paul Williams.
44:31But most importantly
44:33of all, we've learned that Tom Sainsbury
44:35is the winner of episode three.
44:37Ka kite anō!
44:55Tell me more.
44:57It's season five
44:59and we're running out of
45:01ideas. That's hot.
45:03Oh no!
45:05My man! This all makes me think
45:07maybe I need to get tested.
45:09You know what? I don't want any points. That task was
45:11dumb. It's probably my favourite task of all
45:13time.