Frasier Season 10 Episode 9 Don't Go Breaking My Heart
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00:00So what's the plan? Are we gonna turn off the lights and jump out and yell surprise?
00:04Oh yes, Roz. Let's startle a man who just had open-heart surgery.
00:09Sorry, I can't get used to thinking of Niles as sick.
00:12Oh, Niles is great.
00:15All these exercises he's doing, he's gonna be just as strong as he ever was.
00:20Here's the guest of honor.
00:22Niles, good to see you out and about.
00:26Oh.
00:28Thank you, thank you. I'll tell you, it's good to be out after being cooped up in that apartment all week.
00:34Hello.
00:35I never thought I'd grow tired of reading Flaubert.
00:38Oh, please. He's been parked on his ass watching The Young and the Restless.
00:43Niles! Not the soaps! You can't be serious!
00:47Well, I'm hardly hooked. They fascinate me as cultural artifact.
00:52I was just telling Gertrude. Their use of stock figures is reminiscent of the Commedia dell'Arte.
00:57Esther is Puncinella, Victor is Flavio, and Nicky, well, she's just the town pump.
01:07Now do you see why I need my own telly, Daphne?
01:10You have your own telly in Manchester.
01:15Here's champagne and sparkling cider for you, Niles, and help yourself to brunch whenever you're ready.
01:21Word to the wise, stay away from the sausage.
01:24They're not sausages, Dad, they're soy-sages.
01:28Niles is on a post-operative diet. We are trying to support him.
01:32Oh, sorry. What about the bacon?
01:35Facon!
01:40Okay, everyone, I'd like to propose a toast.
01:42Oh.
01:43To my family and friends. Your love and support have been overwhelming.
01:49Oh, Niles.
01:50You know, during my operation, I was technically dead for several minutes.
01:56Yes, we know, son, you told us.
01:58But it gave me a fresh perspective on everything.
02:02It took a brush with death to remind me how lucky I am to be alive.
02:07Well done.
02:08And Gertrude, thank you for giving up the guest bedroom so that I don't have to climb all those stairs.
02:12Oh, no, I'm happy to sleep on that sofa bed with the hard metal frame.
02:18You have a nice soft bed in Manchester.
02:21Oh, okay. Oh, Daphne, it's okay. Her bracing honesty reminds me that I'm alive.
02:28You... you...
02:33You are a treasure to me. I cherish every day we're together.
02:39Oh, thank you, Niles.
02:43So, there may be others around here who could benefit from a near-death experience.
02:51Well, let's eat before the faker loses its shape.
02:58Wow. Niles is really loving life with a vengeance.
03:03Yeah, I was the same way after I got shot.
03:06First day back at the precinct, I went around hugging all the guys, telling them all I loved them.
03:11How long did that last?
03:12Until I started calling me Martina.
03:17It is kind of weird seeing Niles so lovey-dovey with Mrs. Moon.
03:22Believe me, when you're in that state, you can find something to love even in the biggest jerk.
03:27Roz, I want to tell you, you are a treasure.
03:32Maybe I don't say it often enough, but you are.
03:36Shut up, Martina.
03:43La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dum
03:46Ba-da-dum-ba-da-dum-ba-da-da-dum
03:48Ba-da-dum-ba-da-dum-ba-da-da-dum
03:50I know that song.
03:51Yes, Mozart Symphony No. 40, Motto Allegro.
03:55I've just bought this new recording for Niles. It is fantastic.
03:58I've never heard such string articulation.
04:00Oh, I remember what it is. It's that commercial with the singing cats.
04:04If your cat has a yearning for tuna, da-da-da-da-da-da, ocean buffet.
04:10One of the cats was wearing a tiny tuxedo.
04:13Good. So few cats dress for the symphony anymore.
04:20Frazier, Roz.
04:21Oh, hi, guys.
04:22Guess who just walked a mile on the treadmill?
04:25Oh, way to go, Niles.
04:27The doctor says he's in the 95th percentile of patients recovering from bypass surgery.
04:3295th percentile? That's wonderful, Niles.
04:35Well, now, Frazier, good health is not a competition.
04:38Oh.
04:39And you've heard time's winged chariot hurrying near, as I have.
04:43Every day is a gift.
04:45Oh, yikes, what tone-deaf prankster gave you this?
04:50You heard it.
04:51Well, as much as I could bear.
04:53Did you hear what the conductor did to the Aunt Dante?
04:55I just hope he bought it dinner first.
04:58Well, I couldn't agree more, Niles.
05:01Frazier, you said you loved that CD.
05:04Well, Niles has convinced me otherwise.
05:06You know, I'm in the mood for a scone.
05:08Help me pick one out.
05:09All right.
05:11That was weird.
05:13I'll say.
05:14Who can't pick out their own scone?
05:17No, I mean, you and Niles.
05:20Usually that would have been a two-hour argument, ending in tears and cursing an Italian.
05:27Afraid those days are over, Roz.
05:29What happened?
05:30Well, it's a long story.
05:32Okay.
05:33Okay.
05:35When Niles was in the hospital, he was being wheeled into surgery.
05:44He looked so frail and vulnerable.
05:48So I...
05:51I took my case to a higher power.
06:00Oh, God.
06:02It's me, Dr. Frazier Crane.
06:07Though I don't come to you as often as perhaps I should.
06:12I want to thank you for all the times you've indulged me in the past.
06:17Although I have yet to see the inside of the Empire Club.
06:20Just kidding.
06:23Anyway.
06:26Today I ask you to look after my brother, Niles Crane.
06:32I love him.
06:34Even if I don't always show it.
06:37And I regret all the time he and I have wasted in petty quarrels.
06:42If you spare him...
06:45Oh, Lord.
06:48I promise to cherish every moment we have together.
06:53But, Frazier, you don't think God is going to strike Niles down if you get in an argument, do you?
06:59Well...
07:02Technically, the way it's structured, he'd come after me.
07:09Seeing as how I was the one that initiated the deal, you see.
07:13If I'd had more time, I might have worded things differently.
07:18Oh, oh. Let's get this to go.
07:20My soap starts in 20 minutes. Ashley might come out of her coma today.
07:25You know, since your recovery is going so well, maybe we should check you out.
07:32Make sure all your equipment's working properly.
07:37You're not talking about my exercise bicycle, are you?
07:42The doctor said it will be okay.
07:45If you need a second opinion, maybe Nurse Naughty could make a house call.
07:55I could use a checkup.
07:59But I think we should err on the side of caution.
08:02In a few weeks, I have another stress test. Thank you.
08:05And if all goes well, Nurse Naughty will be one satisfied health care professional.
08:14See you.
08:15Bye.
08:16Oh, bye, guys.
08:17Niles, wait.
08:18Frazier says he thinks the string articulation is really good.
08:23In this?
08:25Frazier, you know I hold your opinion in highest regard, but are you nuts?
08:30Perhaps I am, Niles. Thank you.
08:32Maybe you just need to get your hearing checked.
08:35I'll do that. Thank you, Niles.
08:37I'll see you later.
08:41Very amusing. I get it.
08:53Oh, here they are. Frazier. Frazier.
08:56Tell them what you told me.
09:00Freud is the poor man's young.
09:07I never thought I'd live to see the day.
09:10Perhaps this is why I was spared.
09:13Niles, how was your stress test?
09:17Oh, the doctor cleared me to return to normal food and regular physical activity.
09:23Oh, darling, that's wonderful.
09:25Yes, yes. You know, in moderation, of course.
09:29Congratulations.
09:30Thanks.
09:31You know, perhaps now, Niles, we can get back to the squash courts.
09:34Oh, I don't think so.
09:37But the doctor said it was okay.
09:39Yeah, but shouldn't there be more to life than competition for useless bragging rights?
09:44Oh, you didn't think they were useless three months ago when you won?
09:48You bragged for three months.
09:53I've changed a lot since then.
09:55The point is that I have roses to stop and smell.
09:59I see. So let me get this straight. You're going to give up squash and smell roses?
10:04Poor Frazier.
10:07I hope that you don't have to go through what I did in order to become as wise as I have.
10:13You can still be wise and play squash, darling.
10:16Yeah, Daphne's right. Go out. Have some fun.
10:19But I am having fun.
10:21Since my incident, birds sing more sweetly. The sky is so much bluer.
10:26Niles, it has rained every day this week.
10:31I see rain differently, too.
10:33I see rain differently, too.
10:35You know, there's something I need to tell you. It's something I've been thinking about.
10:47You were saying, Frazier?
10:51Nothing.
10:53Nothing.
10:59Hey, Dr. Crane.
11:01Well, my grandmother died a couple of weeks ago, and I feel bad because I never told her how much she meant to me.
11:08Well, my heart certainly goes out to you.
11:11Grieving is difficult enough without those unresolved feelings.
11:14Frazier, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have Dr. Niles Crane on line two.
11:20I'm sure you all remember my brother Niles from our last segment.
11:27I'm sure all my listeners join me in hoping he can get back to work real soon.
11:33Thank you, Frazier.
11:35I just thought I'd add the perspective of one who has ducked the scythe of the Grim Reaper.
11:41By all means, go ahead, Niles.
11:45Your grandmother knows how you feel.
11:48When I was briefly dead,
11:52the overriding feeling I had was the love of my family and friends.
11:58Wow. So I shouldn't feel bad?
12:01Certainly not. Get out there and live your life, Grant.
12:05Carpe that diem.
12:08Isn't that right, Frazier?
12:10I couldn't agree more, Niles.
12:12We'll be right back after traffic.
12:27I'm beginning to regret betting on the clown.
12:32Roz, I can't eat. I can't sleep.
12:35I just lie in bed awake at night, mentally arguing with Niles.
12:40And I win every time.
12:42Frazier, this is insane.
12:44Do you really think something bad is going to happen if you break your deal with God?
12:49Of course not.
12:51Well, maybe a little. I don't know.
12:54Roz, my brother could have died.
13:01I can't be ungrateful to whatever higher power may have spared him.
13:06I just can't imagine that God would be upset.
13:10Oh, he's God. Roz, have you read the Old Testament? He can be ruthless.
13:17Traffic's done. You're on in five.
13:23Welcome back, Seattle.
13:25Oh, I see we have someone on line, too.
13:28Go ahead, caller. I'm listening.
13:31Still me, Frazier.
13:33Say, I have some thoughts about your advice to Cynthia from Tacoma.
13:38Speaking as one who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death, Cynthia,
13:43I think diet and exercise would take care of your problem.
13:48There's nothing like a good, fat-free muffin.
13:52Send you on your way.
13:55Hi, Deb. I'm here for Niles.
13:57He's at your place. He said you were meeting him there for dinner.
14:00Well, I specifically told him I would pick him up here.
14:05Sorry.
14:06Not bad enough of you. Serves my radio show.
14:10What are you doing?
14:12Oh, you'll think I'm silly, but I'm donating food to the poor.
14:18Why would I think that's silly? What does that say about me?
14:21No, I was just going to say...
14:23I do my bit for charity, you know.
14:25You have no idea how many vacations I've bought at silent auctions.
14:29No, that's not it.
14:31You see, when I found out Niles needed heart surgery, I felt so scared and helpless, so...
14:37I kind of made a vow that if he came out okay, I would spend more time helping the less fortunate.
14:44A vow? You mean like a promise to God?
14:48I know it must sound absurd to you, a man of science.
14:52No, no. Now, when exactly did you make this promise?
14:58The night before his surgery.
15:00The night before, you say?
15:04Interesting. You say Niles is at my place?
15:08Yeah.
15:10Excuse me. Keep up the good work.
15:19What's all this?
15:20Food for the poor.
15:22Oh. Must be nice to be poor and have people just giving you food.
15:31Daphne, you were up awfully late last night.
15:34Yeah, I was watching television.
15:37Were you?
15:39Or was that husband of yours sneaking upstairs to demand you perform your wifely chore?
15:46I wish. He's still not ready to be in the same bed with me.
15:51He's rich and you don't have to sleep with him.
15:55Rub it in, why don't you?
15:58I know he's trying to ease back into things, but it's been weeks since the doctor said he was OK.
16:05Well, isn't it obvious? The poor thing's probably not feeling very attractive.
16:12I mean, he's all skinny and pale and now he has that scar, too.
16:19I don't think that's it, Mum.
16:23I just think he's scared and I understand that.
16:26But how long are we going to go on like this?
16:29Until you stop babying him.
16:32I'm not babying him. I'm just giving him the time he needs.
16:35Oh, Piffle. What he needs is a swift kick in the bum.
16:40Look, you've got to seduce him.
16:44Use your feminine wiles.
16:48That's how your brother Billy landed, Kevin.
16:55Well, sharing a cell helped.
17:01You know, maybe I'll give that a try.
17:06When Niles walks into that guest room tonight, I'll have a surprise waiting for him.
17:11Candles, soft music, a negligee, nothing too sexy.
17:17We don't want to strain his heart.
17:20Oh, there's nothing wrong with your ego.
17:23Thanks for the advice, Mum.
17:25My pleasure, love.
17:27Oh, and since you and Niles will be in the guest room, I'll sleep in your room tonight.
17:32No sense in letting that king-size bed go to waste.
17:36This time, use a coaster when you take your teeth out.
17:42Yes, Mother?
17:44Stop the tape.
17:47Who's he again?
17:49That's Diego, the illegitimate son of Sonia LaFontaine.
17:54He joined the army to avenge the death of his brother.
17:59Although, frankly, I'm a little worried about him. I'm not sure he's fighting this war for the right reasons.
18:05Hey, you want some of this fancy dessert?
18:08Must be really good, because Frasier told me not to touch it.
18:12No, no, thanks. I brought some of these tasty rye flats, in case I feel peckish.
18:22They look like wood.
18:26I thought your doctor declared you to eat normal foods.
18:29Well, he did, but, you know, I feel my tastes have gotten simpler since I cheated death.
18:39It's hard to explain.
18:47You don't need to explain to me, son. I know what it's like to cheat death.
18:52That's true, although I think I got a little closer than you did.
18:57Oh, really?
19:01Well, let's see. I got shot by a gun, and you ate a bunch of cheese.
19:10I was clinically dead for several minutes. I looked death square in the eye.
19:16Well, you might have looked him in the eye, but I shook his hand.
19:21Really? Well, I kissed him on the cheek.
19:24Well, I kissed him on the lips.
19:27Also, death was a girl.
19:32Dad, I don't want to turn this into a competition. I'm just trying to embrace life to the fullest.
19:37Oh, you give it a rest.
19:40Excuse me?
19:41You haven't embraced a damn thing. All you're doing is yakking about feeling this and experiencing that.
19:46You're not doing anything.
19:48You won't go back to work or play squash or eat any of your favorite foods.
19:54I'm just... I'm easing into things until I'm back to normal.
19:58Well, the doctor says you're there.
20:00Well, I'm just being extra cautious.
20:05Sounds to me like you're afraid, son.
20:10Well, what if I am? Haven't I earned the right to be afraid? I could have died.
20:14I understand.
20:15Okay.
20:17When I got out of the hospital, I was terrified to take a risk.
20:22I just didn't want to leave the house, ducked for cover every time a car backfired.
20:33I know my fears aren't rational.
20:37I know my heart is sound.
20:40I feel fine.
20:44I felt fine before this happened.
20:47How do I know that the same thing isn't going to happen again?
20:49Well, you don't know.
20:51That's exactly what I came to realize.
20:53Life's a crapshoot.
20:55We could all go at any time.
20:58That's why we have to make the most of whatever time we've got.
21:05Like sand through the hourglass.
21:07So does this one.
21:13Okay, point taken.
21:19Thank you, Dad.
21:20Where are you going?
21:22To live my life.
21:25You forgot the rye flats.
21:28No, I didn't, Dad.
21:30No, I didn't.
21:33Well, you're not leaving them here.
21:44Good evening.
21:57Hello, God, it's me again.
22:01Dr. Fraser Crane.
22:05Listen, it seems that when we made our little arrangement, there was another deal in place.
22:13Now, I've had some experience with double booking, and I know that the person who books first always gets priority.
22:21So, as long as Daphne keeps up her end, which she is to the letter,
22:28it seems our little arrangement will be rendered null and void.
22:36There I go.
22:39I am now going to yell at my brother.
22:44Unless, of course, you give me a sign.
22:55Very well, then.
22:59This is going to be sweet.
23:04Biles!
23:05There you are.
23:06You're 40 minutes late.
23:07Well, no matter.
23:08I have more important things to do.
23:09Not so fast, mister.
23:11You, sir, have been insufferable for the past few weeks.
23:14It might enlighten you to know that your endless preaching has been nothing more than a thin cover for your fear of getting...
23:20I know, I know, I know.
23:21Dad just told me, and he was right.
23:23I've been an ass lately.
23:24I am really sorry, but I have to go.
23:26My wife is waiting for me.
23:28Frankly, Fraser, I'm surprised you didn't bring this up sooner.
23:31But...
23:44Huh.
23:48Well played, God.
23:59Answer you at his turn.
24:22Niles!
24:31What happened?
24:36Are you all right?
24:37Yes.
24:38I just jumped into bed with your mother.
24:40Oh, dear.
24:41Now, what did she scream?
24:43That wasn't her.
24:46What were you doing in there?
24:48I just...
24:50Wanted to...
24:52Take my wife in my arms and show her how much I love her.
24:56Are you sure you're ready?
24:58Trust me.
25:00If my heart can take that, it can take anything.
25:08Okay, that's good.
25:19Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:21Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:25Quite stylish
25:27And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:30Well, maybe
25:31But I got you pegged
25:36But I don't know what to do
25:38With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:43They're calling again
25:46Goodnight, Seattle, we love you!