Frasier Season 11 Episode 13 The Ann Who Came To Dinner
Frasier Season 11 Episode 13 The Ann Who Came To Dinner
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00:00You know, I heard the most extraordinary thing on the radio today.
00:05I know. Rubenstein's torrid survey of the Chopin Mazurkas
00:10took all my strength not to turn the car around, drive home, and ravish my wife.
00:16That Daphne is one lucky lady.
00:21No, I was referring to the fact that Maris has been released on bail.
00:26Oh, yes. Of course, she's still under house arrest until her murder trial.
00:30Poor thing has to wear an electronic tracking device on her ankle.
00:34And she can't keep the press off her back.
00:37They're printing the most vicious stories about her.
00:40I saw one of those.
00:42Is it true that she fired one of the gardeners because she found a worm on the front walk?
00:49Well, to be fair, Maris has always been frightened and disgusted by them.
00:53It's just a stupid worm.
00:55I'm talking about gardeners.
00:59Hey, guys.
01:00Oh, hey, Dad. Why don't you pull up a chair?
01:02Oh, thanks.
01:03You're looking sharp. I don't think I've ever seen this jacket.
01:06Well, that's because I don't wear it too often.
01:08But, you know, sometimes when I do, I find all kinds of junk in the pockets.
01:12It's like I'm putting on a time capsule or something.
01:16Well, here. Here is something from the world of yesterday.
01:22Dear gardener, that's my home insurance payment.
01:26I asked you to mail this three months ago.
01:28Oh, jeez. I'm sorry, Frey.
01:30But you see what I mean about the jacket?
01:32I can still see him giving me that envelope.
01:36No wonder my agent's been calling me.
01:38My policy's probably been canceled.
01:42Yes, Jim Sundquist, please.
01:46Yeah, Jim, it's Frey Shukran. Yes, I know.
01:48I've just discovered that myself.
01:50Listen, how much to renew?
01:53What?
01:56I'm going to have to think that over.
02:00Right, I'll call you.
02:02Thanks, Jim.
02:04Scandinavian, shyster, cold-hearted, glad-handed, highway robber, phony, big-toothed, smiling, son-of-a-bitch insurance man!
02:16Not you, Jim. Love to Marie.
02:21Damn, I'm going to have to pay twice as much.
02:24Well, why don't you just find another insurer?
02:27Oh, you know who you should talk to? Ann Hottis.
02:31Oh, Ross, have you lost your mind? I didn't want to see that woman again.
02:34Who is she?
02:35Oh, she's a friend of Ross's.
02:37We had a stunningly bad day, during which my behavior was less than chivalrous.
02:43You ate her ravioli, then hit on another woman in the same restaurant.
02:51Which, I concede, was less than chivalrous.
02:55The least you can do is throw her some business.
02:57She just did mine, she did a great job, and she can rush this through for you.
03:01Here you go, here's her card.
03:02You should be covered, Frasier.
03:04God forbid something happens, a pipe burst, or Dad screws up again.
03:08Remember the great bacon fire of 98?
03:14Suppose spending ten minutes with a woman won't kill me.
03:18Oh, for God's sake, Jim, hang up already!
03:28Well, this is me.
03:32Thanks again for holding the elevator, Caroline.
03:34Well, you did throw your briefcase into it.
03:37Yes, yes, well, you'd be surprised how many people just kick it back out and then push the close button.
03:44You know, maybe I could repay you by taking you to dinner some evening.
03:48Yeah, I'd like that. How about next Monday?
03:51Perfect! Why not stop by my place first for a drink, around six o'clock?
03:57Sounds good.
03:58Great.
04:01Thanks again, and sorry about the briefcase.
04:04You might want to put some ice on that ankle.
04:14Hi, Fras.
04:15Hi, Dad.
04:16What have you got there?
04:18Oh, I made a sandwich from some of your cold chicken in there, also known as quail.
04:24Maybe you could get a plate before you start dripping mayonnaise all over the place?
04:27Oh, relax, I'm almost done.
04:29Oh, and by the way, until this home is insured once again, there will be no more barbecuing or deep frying.
04:39Does that include the hot plate in my bedroom?
04:41Since when do you have a hot plate?
04:43Well, since I finally figured out how to plug it in.
04:46In just one outlet, I have my TV, aquarium, clock radio, and that old space heater.
04:55This will unplug everything.
04:59Hello, Frasier.
05:01Hello, Anne.
05:02Oh, please, won't you come in?
05:04This is my father, Martin Crane.
05:06Oh, I've heard all about you.
05:09Frasier and I used to go out.
05:11Oh.
05:14Well, I'll be in my room.
05:19So, this is kind of weird, huh?
05:22Yes. I hope that your being here means that you've forgiven me?
05:27Well, I was pretty steamed after that date, but my shrink helped me work through the rage.
05:34Good thing you didn't walk in front of my car on this street.
05:38For the first few weeks there, I would have just gotten out and given you a good kick.
05:43Well, and I would have deserved one, too.
05:47Here, let me take your coat.
05:49You're going to want to take a look around the place before you write up the policy.
05:54Oh, very nice.
05:58Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
06:00Hey, this guy looks like my ex.
06:06I'm just kidding. He wasn't black.
06:15Can I get you something to drink?
06:17Oh, just a glass of water, but I'll get it. I want to see your kitchen.
06:22Wow, schmancy.
06:27And so clean.
06:29You know, there's a homosexual couple that lives in my building,
06:33and their kitchen is like a pigsty compared to yours.
06:40Whoops. Spoke too soon. Someone dripped a little bit of mayonnaise.
06:55And?
06:59Boy, who'd have thunk a little mayo on the floor could end up breaking your leg.
07:06So, how's that cost feeling?
07:10Okay. I'm worried about my apartment, though. It's a fourth floor walk-up.
07:16Oh, dear. Well, is there a friend or a family member we could call to come and get you?
07:23No, just my mom, and she lives in Portland.
07:28Uh-oh.
07:29Uh-oh? What's that supposed to mean?
07:32If you screwed anything up, I will sue you, blue buddy boy!
07:37No, no, it's nothing. The bulb burned out.
07:40Oh.
07:41Now, let's find you a pair of crutches.
07:43Okay.
07:45Watch it on the turns there, Doc! Precious cargo!
07:51Oh!
07:56I hope you enjoyed your sandwich.
07:59You may end up costing me my apartment.
08:02You think she'll sue you?
08:04Come on, Dad. She's an insurance woman.
08:07If anybody knows anything about milking money out of an injury, it's her.
08:11Well, what's your insurance cover?
08:13I have no insurance!
08:14Oh, my.
08:16You know what? Why don't you just try to get on her good side, pay all her expenses,
08:21maybe throw in a private nurse for a few days?
08:24That's good, that's good, but she's too dangerous to be left to her own thoughts right now.
08:29I think we've got to try the personal approach. I'll tell you what.
08:32Why don't we invite her to spend a few days recuperating in our apartment?
08:37Oh!
08:40Friends do not sue friends!
08:44Oh! My pits are barking already.
08:50Ann, listen, Dad and I were just talking.
08:53We thought maybe you should just stay at our place until you get used to your crutches.
08:59Really?
09:00Sure. That's what friends do.
09:03Thanks.
09:04Well, I'll call my super and have him send over some clothes and my trumpet and we're good to go.
09:13You play the trumpet?
09:14Oh, I just started.
09:17It's really hard.
09:29Hey!
09:30Oh, sorry!
09:33Dammit, Frazier, I just walked in on your insurance lady taking a sponge bath.
09:38Dear God, which sponge?
09:43A small one.
09:46In the longest two days of my life.
09:49Well, what do you think? It's been a vacation for me.
09:53I have cooked her meals, I have massaged her feet.
09:58I've also applauded wildly to her trumpet rendition of Froggy when he caught me.
10:04But I have won her over.
10:07There will be no discussion of a lawsuit tomorrow when I send her a packing.
10:15Oh, hi, Frazier.
10:17Hey, Dad.
10:18Brace yourself.
10:19I finally got around to returning your escargot clamps.
10:22Oh.
10:24Oh, thank you, Niles.
10:27Oh, that's what those are.
10:29I've been using them to pull ticks off at his coat.
10:34Shall we?
10:35Oh, please. Yes, thank you.
10:37I have Maris news.
10:39She's auctioning off some of her things to help pay for her defense.
10:44She's letting me come by first to claim anything I want.
10:47Well, this is my chance to seize and destroy my boudoir painting.
10:53What's that?
10:54Oh, well.
10:56Years ago, Maris and I got the idea in our heads to commission portraits of a...
11:02well...
11:04a quasi-erotic nature.
11:07Dear God.
11:17Continue.
11:19Well, Maris is depicted as a doe-eyed wood nymph,
11:22while in my painting, I am the satyr Pan.
11:26A louche, sybaritic goat-man with a depraved appetite for all things sensual.
11:34Oh, I forgot to lock that door.
11:39Your dad sure got an eyeful.
11:41Yes, uh, bumbling old man, I'm terribly sorry.
11:45Well, no birthday gift for him this year. He's had it.
11:52Hi, Niles.
11:54Hi, Niles.
11:55Hello, Anne. It's so nice to see you. I'm sorry I can't stay.
12:01You're leaving? You're always leaving.
12:05Oh, just lately. Bye. Bye-bye, Niles.
12:10Well, wait till you see what I've made you for dinner this evening.
12:16Your favorite, mac and cheese with sliced hot dogs.
12:21Oh, you keep pampering me this way, it'll be hard to go home next month.
12:29Next month?
12:31Well, let's cross our fingers. My bones tend to knit slowly.
12:40Aren't you afraid to leave your apartment untended for a whole month?
12:45Not a problem. I just sublet it this morning to a girl from work.
12:51If she chips so much as one of my porcelain piggies, I'll sue her six ways to Sunday.
13:01I'm gonna beat her to death with one of her crutches. I can show you how to make it look like an accident.
13:10Here is everything. I tell Mrs. Crane you are here.
13:15Oh, thank you, Martha.
13:17Wow, maybe I can find something nice for Ronnie here.
13:22This whole ant thing is practically living over there.
13:27Look at this fancy back scratcher.
13:29No, that's not exactly what it is.
13:32Every winter, Maris would fly down to the private island her family owns in the South Pacific.
13:38On Christmas, she'd let the native children come by and fish coins from her fountains.
13:42Oh, some kind of coin scooper, huh?
13:45No, no, it's a stick with a claw on the end of it in case any of the children got too close to her.
13:58Ah! I found me.
14:00Daphne, avert your eyes.
14:04Get this thing wrapped up and into my trunk.
14:09Oh, jeez, how could you stand to look at yourself like that?
14:15I never had to. It was in Maris' bedroom.
14:22Uh, Martha, tell Maris we'll be back to say goodbye.
14:26Yes, Dr. Crane.
14:35You were right, Mrs. Crane. They take the painting right away.
14:39Now drink your protein shake. You have a long trip ahead of you.
14:46Oh, very good, Mrs. Crane. You drink a lot.
14:52What? Too much? Okay.
15:02Oh, here they come.
15:04I'll tell you.
15:06Can we leave now? This place gives me the chills.
15:09It was designed to. Just let me say goodbye to Maris and we'll be on our way.
15:14Doctor! Doctor!
15:16What is it, Martha?
15:18I don't find Mrs. Crane. I go up to her room and all there is is a snoot.
15:26Dear God.
15:28She says she doesn't believe she can get a fair trial and she can't face life in prison.
15:34So she's going to hurl herself off the state senator Harry R. Burton bridge.
15:41Martha, when was the last time you saw Maris?
15:43Just before you come.
15:44Then we can still catch her.
15:46Well, don't panic. She still has that tracking device. The cops will stop her.
15:49Yes, but if we can catch her, maybe I can talk her down.
15:57Perfect, Mrs. Crane. I put the tracking bracelet behind the painting just like you say.
16:02The workman will take you in a minute.
16:04What? Okay.
16:14Hey, Frasier. I'm glad I caught you. Did you just get home?
16:18No, I've been here a while.
16:20Can't bring myself to go in.
16:25Not with her in there.
16:35She's getting better.
16:39Look, I did you a favor.
16:42Look, I did you a favor. My lawyer threw up this document.
16:46It releases you from all liability if you can just get Anne to sign it.
16:50Oh, Rox, there's no way I'm going to get her to sign this.
16:53But I have a better plan.
16:56I've just booked passage for her and her mother on a two-week cruise to Alaska.
17:03That way I'll get her out of my home, but she'll still feel like we're friends.
17:09Not a bad idea. Good luck with that.
17:13Rox, I've been meaning to ask you, how did you ever become friends with Anne?
17:18I mean, she's not really your type, is she?
17:20Oh, we're not really friends. I rear-ended her in 1989.
17:29Well, I say divorce them and take them to the cleaners.
17:33When you play with someone's heart, you deserve to pay big time.
17:37My ex sure did.
17:40Yes, he's still living in his van, and he's lucky I let him keep that.
17:47Listen, I gotta go. My buddy's home, and he's looking so handsome.
17:54Okay, I'll call you later.
17:57You! Alaska!
18:01All the tickets arrived.
18:03You bet they did.
18:05I just called my mother, and she's thrilled.
18:08Well, I hoped she would be.
18:10She can't believe that you're taking me to Alaska.
18:17You told her I was taking you.
18:19Don't worry. I told her your intentions were honorable.
18:23But they better not be.
18:29Anne.
18:31You know, I've been wondering all week, why is Fraser keeping me here?
18:36He could have just sent me home with the nurse.
18:39But then I got these, and I figured it out.
18:43You've got a thing for me.
18:48Well, I've got news for you, Romeo.
18:52You hold that thought while Bunny goes and pours himself a big old glass of wine.
19:01Yeah.
19:11Caroline.
19:12Hi, Fraser. Am I early?
19:15Um.
19:16Who are you?
19:18Uh, just a neighbor.
19:20Is our date still on?
19:22Date?
19:24No.
19:27I've made our plans, Caroline.
19:30I've met someone else.
19:34Me, so beat it.
19:37Fraser?
19:38Just go.
19:46Well, someone's quite the dumb cat.
19:52I don't know what I'm going to do with you.
19:56I don't know what I'm going to do with you either.
20:03Hey.
20:05Hey, Bunny.
20:06What's this?
20:08Oh, it's nothing. Just some work stuff.
20:11It's got my name on it.
20:13It's a liability release.
20:16Oh my gosh, you think I'm going to sue you?
20:19No.
20:21So that's why you've been so nice to me.
20:25You're afraid of a lawsuit.
20:28So this whole romance was just a fake.
20:31No.
20:32You were leading me on.
20:33No, never.
20:35Well, I've got news for you.
20:37Nobody plays with my heart.
20:40I should sue you.
20:42I realize that you're angry now, Bunny.
20:46You're Bunny.
20:48I'm calling a lawyer.
20:51All right, fine.
20:53Go ahead and sue.
20:55I am fed up with this charade.
20:57This was an accident.
21:00I have cared for you.
21:02I have waited on you.
21:04I have promised your heels and set your hair.
21:11Well, if that's not enough for you, so be it.
21:15I don't care anymore.
21:17I will not beg.
21:20You can take me to the cleaners, but you cannot take my dignity.
21:24Okay, see you in court.
21:27Oh, dear God, please, no.
21:29Please.
21:30No.
21:31No, please.
21:33Please.
21:35Please don't sue me.
21:37My things.
21:41My beautiful, beautiful things.
21:44I love them so.
21:50Are you crying?
21:52No.
21:55Gross.
21:57Seizure, pull yourself together.
22:00I'll sign your stupid paper.
22:03You will?
22:05God, to think I had a thing for you.
22:10Can I pick them or what?
22:16Thank you, Anne.
22:18I'm sorry I had to come down to all this legal business.
22:21If it were up to me, I would tear up this piece of paper and forget everything that's happened here.
22:30And here.
22:38And here.
22:46Yes, officer, we're headed east on Highway 61 toward the bridge.
22:50Do you have a read on her tracking bracelet yet?
22:53They say she just passed Exit 29.
22:56We just passed Exit 29.
22:58I don't see anyone around us.
23:00Suppose we passed her?
23:01There is a car behind us.
23:03Pull over immediately.
23:07If we're a cop, what do we do?
23:08Pull over immediately.
23:14We don't have time for this.
23:15We need to get to the bridge.
23:16According to our tracking device, her wife's in this vehicle.
23:20But that's absurd.
23:21And she's his ex-wife.
23:23Oh, no.
23:24The boss is here.
23:26Open the trunk, sir.
23:29Look, look, please.
23:30There's an item of a very personal nature in there.
23:33If you could just keep the media away.
23:35Now.
23:40See?
23:41See?
23:42No merits.
23:44Oh, ah.
23:45Be careful with that.
23:46That's what I didn't want you to...
23:49Oh, jeez.
23:52What the hell is that?
23:53It's Pound, the satyr.
23:56A minor god of mischief, debauchery, and fornication.
24:02That's what our son would look like if I were a girl.
24:09There's your tracking device right there.
24:12Pandas.
24:13Oh.
24:14You have your bracelet.
24:15I guess I'll just take my painting, sir.
24:17Sorry, sir.
24:18This is evidence.
24:19No, no, no, no, no.
24:26So, I shipped myself to our private island where, like dear Uncle Julius,
24:32I will be immune from extradition.
24:35Thank you all, and forgive me.
24:37Best regards, Maris.
24:39P.S. Big ups to all my homies in lockdown.
24:46Stay black, cell block D.
24:55So, you were the decoys.
24:59It's ingenious.
25:01How'd she get the tracking bracelet off?
25:04Apparently, she swallowed a salt tablet to make her ankles swell right before they fitted her,
25:10and then when the swelling went down, the bracelet just slipped right off.
25:16So, that's it.
25:18No more Maris.
25:21Strange to think I'll never see her again.
25:24She was a pain, but she was a character.
25:29Well, let's drink a toast to her.
25:33Well, it's just a drop left.
25:36Well, it's perfect. I can't think of a more fitting toast.
25:41There we go.
25:46To Maris.
25:56Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
25:59Toss salads and scrambled eggs.
26:02Oh, my.
26:04And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:07Well, maybe.
26:09But I got you pegged.
26:13But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:20They're calling again.
26:23Goodnight, everybody.