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The Rifleman S04E07

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00:00You really had to go the long way around to get yourself in a fix like this.
00:19Tabby?
00:20What?
00:21How's your mommy doing?
00:22Busting through that fence.
00:24Then we'll both get our hides pinned to the barn door by Pa, so you can quiet down.
00:31Oh, Violet.
00:36Who are you?
00:38Where are you from?
00:41Out of the sunrise.
00:43From the Shire of the Rainbow.
00:45The County of the Dragon.
00:46From Castle Vermillion.
00:48I, sir, am Don Camero de la Redo.
00:52And your obedient servant.
01:02The Rifleman
01:10Starring Chuck Connors
01:23You lost?
01:24Nay, Stripling.
01:26How could we be lost since we are here?
01:31The main trail's half a mile over.
01:34You shouldn't have any trouble finding it.
01:36By my rude gaits, here the young cocks come to a grave personal peril.
01:41Rescues a damsel in distress from Durin's fire.
01:45And allows her to flee to the arms of her waiting prince.
01:49Superb, Stripling. Superb.
01:52All it was was a pig stuck in a crack in a shed.
01:56Wasn't even a girl pig at that.
01:58Gadzooks, lad. Now dull me not with miserable details.
02:02Well, excuse me. I've got some wood to cut.
02:06Hold.
02:10Kneel. Kneel, I say. Kneel.
02:20You're not going to cut off my head.
02:24Pa wouldn't like that.
02:26Silence!
02:27I dub thee Sir Mark McCain.
02:31Knight of the realm.
02:33Heir of the manor.
02:34Rise, Sir Mark.
02:37How did you know my name?
02:39Who did you say you were?
02:41Don Camero de la Redo. This is my squire, Gates.
02:45It's nice to meet you.
02:47Now, I better get back to my work.
02:50Hold, Sir Mark.
02:52Would you refuse hospitality to a knight errant in a far land?
02:57I tell you, Sir Knight, when my Lord Lucas McCain shall hear of this...
03:00You know my pa?
03:01Do I know your pa?
03:03My boy, after all the crusades I've shared with your pa, I know him like a brother.
03:07Of course, he probably knows me best by my lay name, Don Legard.
03:11Gosh, Mr. Legard, I didn't...
03:13Don Camero de la Redo.
03:15Use the proper form of address.
03:18I've heard him talk about you quite a bit.
03:20Of course, it was a long time ago.
03:23Life is a long time ago.
03:28Gates, good man.
03:30Teddy the mounts, if you will.
03:32Now, come, Sir Mark.
03:34I would see the inside of yon castle.
03:38What brings you down here, Mr. Legard?
03:40Well, this young sire is Armageddon.
03:42I'm here to kill a man.
03:43Who?
03:44His very name chips my teeth.
03:48Oh...
03:49What is his name?
03:50His name, sir, is Colonel Black.
03:53Co...
03:54Colonel Black?
03:55He's the other man that you and pa rode with.
03:57Is he here?
03:58No, he isn't. I've never even seen him.
04:01Well, fret you not, Sir Knight, he will be soon.
04:03And when he comes, feast your eyes on a blaggard.
04:06Because he won't last long.
04:09Oh, but now, Sir Knight,
04:11surely the castle McCain spreads aboard of pies and pasties,
04:14and possibly a suckling pig or two,
04:16stuffed with a chicken,
04:18stuffed with a squab,
04:20stuffed with a nightingale.
04:22We maybe have some stew.
04:24Oh, what could be better than stew?
04:26Lead on, McCain.
04:39What have I told you about any strangers in here?
04:42Oh, these aren't strangers, Pa.
04:44This is Mr. Gates.
04:45Gates?
04:46Howdy, I'm the foreman for Don LaGuard.
04:48Don LaGuard?
04:53Why, I haven't seen that book.
04:56Watch this.
05:02Don LaGuard.
05:04Don LaGuard.
05:05Don LaGuard.
05:06Don LaGuard.
05:09Amigo.
05:10Cuidado, hombre.
05:12Federales.
05:13Que?
05:14Los federales.
05:15Federales!
05:24You rogue, you blaggard!
05:26Almost had me convinced those Mexican police had us.
05:30Had us innocent as babes.
05:32Save for, what was it, 500 head or so of Mexican mavericks?
05:36Those mavericks were branded, Don.
05:38Oh, nay, Lucas.
05:39Sounds like rustling to me.
05:41Oh, Don, you better clear up my good name right now.
05:44Sir Mark, I would have thee know
05:47that thy pa rode with us
05:49out of the impression that we bought those cattle,
05:51but through an oversight,
05:53through a mishap, really,
05:56we hadn't.
05:58And when we couldn't show him a bill of sale,
06:00he rode right off and left us.
06:01Rode right out and left them, son.
06:05Oh, and you should have stayed, Lucas.
06:07That was only the beginning.
06:09If you had stayed, you'd be a rich man today.
06:12I'm satisfied.
06:16Oh!
06:18Say, whatever happened to our old friend Colonel Black?
06:20Still fighting the Civil War?
06:22I'll not sully my tongue with news of Black.
06:26Let him speak for himself.
06:27He'll be here before the sun hits the noon, Mark.
06:29Colonel Black's coming here?
06:30Now, look, I haven't seen either of you fellas in all this time,
06:33and you both show up together.
06:34How come?
06:35There's something between us, Lucas.
06:39Something that will only be solved on the field of honor.
06:42And since you're the only man we both trust,
06:45we've chosen your place to do mortal combat.
06:50Mortal combat?
06:51I thought you two were friends.
06:53Friends?
06:55Well, yes, we were.
06:57But I won't be duped and cousin and lied to and challenged,
07:00not even by a friend.
07:03Why now, Don, it can't be that simple.
07:04The man must die!
07:08I'm off to the stable to prepare my steed for combat.
07:14With my lord's permission.
07:24Gates!
07:26Gates, if you please.
07:37Well, come on, son, let's clean up these dishes together, huh?
07:49Pa?
07:51Is Mr. Lagarde for real?
07:53Does he look real to you?
07:54Yeah, but I don't think things look real to him.
07:58Mark, everything depends on the way we see it.
08:00Most of us have to live in the time we're born to, whether we like it or not.
08:04But some folks are rich enough in money and imagination to live any time they want to.
08:09Don just happens to like the 15th century.
08:12Don't folks think he's kind of funny?
08:14Now, don't be fooled, son.
08:16He knows exactly what he's doing, and he has a real time doing it.
08:20Is he really going to fight Colonel Black?
08:22Well, not if I can talk them out of it.
08:37That's Colonel Black?
08:39That's Colonel Black.
08:40Mark, you've heard about the charge of the Light Brigade. Watch this.
08:43Where is he?
08:45Don Quixote, stand forth and meet your destiny!
08:49Lieutenant Colonel Black, it's nice to see you. How've you been?
08:52Lucas, my boy, it's been too many years.
08:54It certainly has been too many years.
08:56Looking as good as ever.
08:57You're a sight for sore eyes yourself.
08:59Who's this?
09:00This is my son, Mark.
09:01How do you do, son?
09:02This is my aide, Scubo.
09:03Scubo.
09:04Well, it's good to see you again, you old renegade.
09:06What? Oh, that's all in the past. I'm a respectable businessman now.
09:09Oh. Well, how long will that last if you and Don have it out?
09:12Oh, he's here.
09:13He's here.
09:15I suppose he got to you first, huh?
09:17Well, I suppose I'm the sneakiest no-good that ever has labbed flesh to leather.
09:21He didn't say that.
09:22Oh, he didn't, huh?
09:23Then he's even sneakier than I thought.
09:25Well, I can see you two haven't changed a bit.
09:35At your pleasure, sir.
09:36Sir.
09:37In 20 minutes.
09:48Uh, Colonel, will you tell me something?
09:50What is it between you two?
09:53Lucas, my boy, I think I could use a drink.
09:57All right.
10:00Uh, you want to lay a little bet on it?
10:05Sure. Same bet?
10:06Uh, let's kick it up a mite.
10:09Okay.
10:11Twenty dollars.
10:12Let's make it a hundred.
10:14You got a hundred?
10:15What's the difference?
10:17It'll be just like it was the last time.
10:19They'll never go through with it.
10:22High stakes makes it much more interesting.
10:24Just bet what you got, Scuba.
10:27All right.
10:28I've got $63.
10:29Oh.
10:31Well, I only got $57.
10:32You're on for $57.
10:38You know, Scuba, it seems to me they were more serious this time.
10:48Well, as you know, Don and I weren't always, uh, quite legitimate.
10:52But that has changed now.
10:54Shortly after you lost Source, a battle started between us.
10:58The campaign has been unrelenting over the years.
11:01I've seen my men fall one by one.
11:03My men wiped out.
11:05Week after week.
11:06The fusillades decimating my men at arms.
11:09And my knights destroyed.
11:11Until at the very end, through treachery my men,
11:14until at the very end, through treachery, mind you,
11:17my castle itself was at stake.
11:20Sounds like a range war.
11:22Oh, no, boy, much more serious than that.
11:26It was a chess game.
11:28A chess game?
11:31More exactly, 1,606 chess games.
11:34As you know, Lucas, Don and I have adjacent spreads,
11:37so we play chess three or four times a week.
11:39Now, I've won 817 games and he's won 789 games.
11:43I lead him by 28 games.
11:45Now, look, Colonel, I don't know anything about the game,
11:47but I'd wager you're two of the worst chess players in the whole world.
11:51Yes, well, that's entirely immaterial.
11:54What does matter is that a year or so ago, Don took to cheating.
11:58Now, beware, beware, Lucas, of a man, a chess player,
12:01who plays with his elbows low.
12:03Did you ever think of playing a supervised game to settle this argument?
12:06It's gone much too far for that.
12:08Gone much too far.
12:10Then Black began to cheat.
12:13And I had to brand him for the rascal that he is.
12:16And he struck me, he threw down the gauntlet.
12:19Now, Colonel Black must die.
12:22Well, couldn't you do a lot better over a chessboard?
12:25It's hard to win against cheating, young man.
12:28Ought to be kind of hard to cheat against, against watching.
12:31Pa and I...
12:32Now, Mark, in Armageddon, there must be only one triumph,
12:35the classical against the modern.
12:37I can defeat Don at any time, be it with pistol or pawn.
12:40He knows nothing about chess.
12:42Then why aren't you more games ahead of him?
12:44My dear, Lucas, you'd have to know the game to understand that.
12:47You're not interested in the game, you're only interested in beating Don.
12:51I'm interested in killing Don.
12:54So you're going to prove you're a better chess player because you're faster on the draw?
12:58That you're a better businessman because your competition is dead?
13:01You'll prove nothing except you've been afraid.
13:03Now, listen here, Lucas, I'm afraid of nothing.
13:06You're afraid of not winning.
13:08Failure can be one of the most frightening things in the world.
13:10A lot of men would rather die than accept it.
13:13I fail at nothing.
13:15You fail to convince yourself that you're the better chess player.
13:19Any time a man pulls a trigger on a gun, he's failed.
13:22I know.
13:25The enemy willing, I'd be very happy to give you a practical demonstration of the art of chess any time.
13:30All right. I'll talk to Don.
13:33Hey, now that's going to be just another chess game.
13:36You want to let the bet ride?
13:38We bet on the winner of a contest.
13:40Now, there's going to be a contest.
13:43You can knuckle under it if you want to.
13:45Oh, I'll stick with it, all right.
13:48No hands.
13:50No hands.
14:03I'd put my queen's pawn to knight's pawn, five.
14:06Then you'd have to defend your knight or move it.
14:09Well, I'd move it to queen, two.
14:11Then I'd go for queen, two, rook, seven, sacrifice.
14:15But you're down. You're down a pawn.
14:18Never you mind.
14:21I'm going to play.
14:23I'm going to play.
14:25I'm going to play.
14:27I'm going to play.
14:28I'm going to play.
14:29I'm going to play.
14:30I'm going to play.
14:31I'm going to play.
14:35Well, time the boss man got some drinks.
14:46Now when you take those drinks out there,
14:48you watch yourself.
14:49A dollar a game's one thing.
14:50This one's for $57.
14:52So don't get fancy.
14:54I wouldn't think of such a thing.
14:56Well, it's time you gentlemen had some refreshments.
15:00You, sir?
15:10Colonel?
15:12Oh, thank you.
15:26What is it, Gates?
15:40What's going on there?
15:41There's a rattlesnake in the woodpile.
15:42Scooboo, you watch this end.
15:43I'll go get a broom.
15:44I think I missed it.
15:56They always told me the only way to get a rattlesnake is with a broom.
16:04Something about the straw makes them curl up and die.
16:09Well, I guess he got away.
16:15Rattlesnakes, you got to watch them all the time.
16:17Yeah.
16:27Rattlesnake.
16:31Still my move, I believe.
16:33Hold it, sir.
16:34What's the matter now?
16:35This castle has been tampered with.
16:37Well, it's in starting position.
16:38How could it be?
16:39I can see that.
16:40But when the shooting started, it was one square out.
16:43It's just where it belongs.
16:45It never was.
16:46Yes, it was.
16:47Go back over the moves, my dear colonel.
16:49When did you move that piece?
16:50Lucas, I appealed to you.
16:51Was it there or was it not?
16:52To tell you the truth, I don't remember.
16:54It was there once.
16:55I saw it.
16:56There you are.
16:57You see, the man is a cheat.
16:58You knave.
17:00You scapegoat.
17:02That castle is just where it should be.
17:04No, it is not, sir.
17:06Just a moment.
17:07Let's see how many of my pieces you've managed to move during this diversionary tactic.
17:12How many of your pieces?
17:13I am a gentleman, sir.
17:15I am an officer and a man of honor.
17:18And I am a knight and a lord of the realm.
17:21I will not deign to do combat with bare hands like some churlish slavey.
17:26I choose weapons of honor.
17:29Are you familiar, my dear colonel, with the code duello?
17:33Naturally, sir.
17:34Then you are aware, sir, that that blow you struck comprised a challenge
17:38and that I have the choice of weapons.
17:46Allos.
17:49Allos.
17:57Pa, are you going to stop him?
18:09The modern soldier is afraid, is he, to face ancient weapons?
18:13Ah, here's an ancient weapon.
18:16And one that's full of honor.
18:19The broadaxe.
18:21So, you steadfastly refuse to do battle in a civilized way.
18:26Very well, sir.
18:27I tell you that I shall meet you with cold steel and no other way.
18:31Your blade, sir.
18:34Prithee.
18:37Wouldst thou finally apologize?
18:40Apologize? Me?
18:42Do you admit, sir, that you moved my castle?
18:45Wouldst have me speak the lie that should leap like a viper from thy mouth?
18:48Never!
18:49My patience is at an end, sir.
18:52Now prepare to meet your death.
18:55Prepared I have always been.
18:57I have yet to meet the better man.
19:02Just hold it. Wait a minute.
19:05Just calm down.
19:07You know, I've been thinking.
19:09I don't know too much about chess, so I didn't watch the chessmen.
19:12I just watched your hands, and they were all four visible at all times.
19:15Even when you were served your drinks, I saw both your hands during the whole thing.
19:19Fact is, I was watching yours so closely, there was another hand I didn't watch.
19:25Wasn't there, Scubo?
19:28I don't know what you're talking about.
19:30Why would I move a chessman?
19:32Well, I don't know, unless you had something to gain.
19:36Did you, Scubo?
19:38Well, I might have moved it accidentally.
19:41And after the rattlesnake story, you moved it back accidentally.
19:45No, I knew he moved it. I just wanted to avoid trouble.
19:49Oh! Now it all comes clear.
19:54Remember the many times they served us coffee and drinks?
19:57Yes, of course.
19:59So that was at ease, Corporal.
20:01How long have you been interfering in our games?
20:04Six months.
20:06Oh, you just...
20:07Why?
20:09Well, we both happened to like chess.
20:12We had a couple of side bets going.
20:14Well, did it ever occur to you to start your own game?
20:17Well, that wouldn't be any real challenge, playing one man.
20:21The interesting part was figuring out how they both think.
20:25And then adjusting for their mistakes.
20:27Mistakes?
20:28How dare you!
20:29Figuring both their strategies and then counteracting with a minor piece on the outskirts of the action.
20:34Yeah, that takes playing.
20:36Am I to infer that both of you deem yourselves such masters of the game that you think you can beat both of us?
20:41At the same time.
20:43In different games.
20:49Drop those gun belts!
20:50Nay, allow me!
20:58What are you going to do?
21:00I'm going to watch a chess game between both of you gentlemen.
21:03The winner gets fired.
21:05The loser gets dead.
21:08But you can't kill a man over a chess game.
21:11What do you think I came here to do?
21:34Checkmate.
21:43That's amazing.
21:44Look at this.
21:45What's craft?
21:46I have never seen such tactics.
21:47A school ball.
21:48How long would it take you to teach him that?
21:51I don't know.
21:52I don't know.
21:53I don't know.
21:54I don't know.
21:55I don't know.
21:56I don't know.
21:57I don't know.
21:58I don't know.
21:59I don't know.
22:00I don't know.
22:01I don't know.
22:03Oh, about six months?
22:09Gates, how about you?
22:11How long would it take you to teach Don those kind of tactics?
22:15Oh, maybe a little longer.
22:17What?
22:18Well, you see, your whole approach to the game is wrong.
22:20You play chess like it was checkers or hopscotch.
22:26Don Guimera, six months from this date,
22:29I challenge you to a game of chess.
22:31Well, consider that flung gauntlet taken up.
22:49A goodly joust with merry hearts and a stout company.
22:54Adieu, mes amis, adieu.
23:01Adieu.
23:12Golly, boy, I'd sure like to do that.
23:15Play chess?
23:16No.
23:18Pick my own favorite time to live in, like them.
23:21Oh, when would you pick?
23:23A hundred years from now.
23:25Why then?
23:27Well, just think.
23:28No wood to cut.
23:29They grow it in the right size.
23:31And chickens lay eggs and bring them right into the house.
23:35Then you just save your ice so that you have it in the summertime.
23:39And cows give milk in mason jars and leave it right in the ice house.
23:44Oh, and, Poba, you don't wash the dishes.
23:48Just eat them for dessert.
23:51And no school.
23:53Instead, you can learn everything in the whole world
23:56just by reading a little book with 16 pages in it.
24:00Wait a minute.
24:01Just where do you learn to read?
24:05Oh, well, there might be a year or two of school.
24:11Well, while you're figuring a way around that school,
24:13see if you can also figure a way around that woodpile.
24:26© BF-WATCH TV 2021
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