From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00You know, when I first signed up for the college work-study program, I thought I was making a smart move.
00:06I envisioned myself as this responsible, industrious student, juggling classes, and a job like a pro.
00:13I pictured myself in a crisp, button-up shirt, sipping coffee while I filed papers in some pristine office,
00:20maybe even impressing my future boss with my impeccable organizational skills.
00:25Spoiler alert! None of that happened.
00:28Instead, I found myself in the basement of the library,
00:32surrounded by stacks of books that looked like they hadn't been touched since the invention of the printing press.
00:38My job? Shelving books. And not just any books.
00:43These were the dusty, forgotten relics of academia.
00:46I swear, I stumbled upon a tome that was literally older than my grandparents.
00:52I half expected it to start whispering secrets about the universe or something.
00:57Now, let me tell you about the library basement.
01:01It's like the Bermuda Triangle of college life.
01:04You enter, and suddenly, you lose all sense of time.
01:08I'd go down there thinking,
01:10OK, I'll just shelve a few books and then head to my 2 p.m. class.
01:15Next thing I knew, I was knee-deep in a philosophical debate with a statue of Socrates.
01:21I mean, who knew that a guy who lived in ancient Greece could have such strong opinions about modern education?
01:28And the books. Oh, the books.
01:31I quickly learned that the Dewey Decimal System is not just a method of organization.
01:37It's a cruel joke.
01:39I'd be standing there, staring at a shelf,
01:42trying to figure out if the history of cheese belonged in the 600s or the 700s.
01:49I felt like I was in a twisted game of Literary Twister, and I was losing.
01:55I'd pull out a book, and it would be like a game of Jenga.
01:59One wrong move, and the whole shelf would come crashing down.
02:04Then there were my co-workers.
02:06Let's just say that Quirky doesn't even begin to cover it.
02:10There was this one guy, let's call him Dave, who took his job way too seriously.
02:17which would have been charming if he didn't also insist on quoting Shakespeare while shelving.
02:23To be or not to be?
02:25Oh, this goes in the 800s.
02:28I mean, I appreciate a good literary reference,
02:31but I was just trying to figure out where the heck the cookbooks went.
02:35And don't even get me started on the patrons.
02:38You'd think people would be quiet in a library, right?
02:41Wrong.
02:42I once had to shush a group of students who were debating the merits of pineapple on pizza.
02:47I mean, come on.
02:49I'm trying to focus on the existential crisis of the history of cheese over here,
02:54and you're talking about toppings?
02:56But the real kicker came during finals week.
03:00The library was packed, and I was on duty to help students find their study materials.
03:05I was feeling pretty good about myself, thinking I was the hero of the day.
03:10That is, until I accidentally directed a frantic student to the wrong section.
03:15Instead of finding advanced calculus, he ended up with The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe.
03:22I mean, sure, it's a classic, but not exactly what he needed at that moment.
03:27I could practically hear his brain short-circuiting
03:30as he tried to figure out how the telltale heart was going to help him with integrals.
03:36In the end, I learned that the work-study program was less about gaining experience
03:41and more about embracing the chaos of college life.
03:45I may not have emerged as the organized, responsible adult I envisioned,
03:50but I did gain a treasure trove of stories.
03:54I learned that sometimes the best education comes not from textbooks,
03:59but from the absurdity of life in the library basement,
04:02where the only thing more confusing than the Dewey Decimal System
04:06is trying to explain to a student why cheese has its own history.