From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I remember the first time I stepped foot in a college town. It was like entering a parallel
00:05universe where the laws of physics were replaced by the laws of caffeine and questionable life
00:11choices. I had just moved in, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to embrace the academic
00:18adventure that awaited me. Little did I know, I was about to embark on a journey filled
00:24with bizarre encounters, caffeine overdoses, and a crash course in the art of procrastination.
00:31The first thing that struck me was the sheer volume of coffee shops. I swear, there were
00:36more coffee shops than people. It was like a caffeine cult had taken over the place.
00:42I walked into one, and the barista looked like he had just emerged from a three-day
00:47bender. His hair was a wild mess, and his apron was splattered with what I hoped was
00:52just coffee. I ordered a latte, and he handed me a cup that was more foam than coffee.
00:58It's an artisanal experience, he said, as if that justified the fact that I was basically
01:04drinking a cloud. I took a sip, and I'm pretty sure I felt my heart rate double. Welcome
01:10to college, where your morning brew is basically a shot of adrenaline.
01:15As I wandered through the town, I quickly realized that every building had a story,
01:20and every story was a little too wild for my taste. There was the infamous frat house
01:26that had a reputation for hosting parties so loud they could be heard from space. I
01:32was curious, of course, but I also valued my eardrums and my dignity. I decided to stick
01:39to the quieter spots, like the local bookstore, which was filled with more hipsters than actual
01:46I picked up a novel, but I couldn't help but notice that the guy next to me was wearing
01:51a beanie indoors. I mean, who does that? It was like a fashion statement that screamed,
01:57I'm too cool for warmth. Then there were the students. Oh, the students. They were a breed
02:04of their own, a mix of ambition and chaos. I met a guy who was majoring in philosophy,
02:10and spent an entire hour explaining to me why he believed that coffee was a form of
02:15existentialism. I nodded along, pretending to understand, while secretly wondering if
02:22I should be taking notes or just running for the hills. Meanwhile, his roommate was an
02:28engineering major who was convinced that he could build a time machine out of a microwave
02:33and some duct tape. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the only thing he was likely
02:38to build was a very expensive paperweight. And let's not forget about the food. College
02:44towns are a culinary adventure, to say the least. I stumbled upon a food truck that claimed
02:50to serve gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches. I ordered one, and it came with a side of
02:56what I can only describe as mystery sauce. I took a bite, and I'm pretty sure my taste
03:02buds filed for a restraining order. But hey, it was only five bucks, and I was on a budget.
03:08I learned quickly that in college you either embrace the weird food or starve.
03:14As the sun set, I found myself at a local bar, surrounded by students who were either
03:21celebrating their latest exam victory or drowning their sorrows over a failed midterm. I ordered a
03:28drink, and the bartender, who looked like he moonlighted as a philosophy professor,
03:33handed me something that looked like it had been mixed by a toddler.
03:37It's a signature cocktail, he said, as if that made it any less terrifying.
03:42I took a sip, and my taste buds immediately filed for divorce. By the end of my first day
03:50in this college town, I was exhausted, exhilarated, and slightly confused. I had
03:56encountered a world where coffee was a lifeline, students were philosophers in
04:01disguise, and food was an adventure best approached with caution. I realized that
04:07this was just the beginning of my journey, and if this was what college life was like,
04:12I was in for one wild ride.