From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Walking into the college advising office felt like stepping into a scene from a sitcom.
00:05You know the kind where the protagonist is about to make a series of questionable life choices?
00:10Yeah, that was me. I had my notebook in hand, ready to take notes.
00:16But let's be real, I was mostly just trying to look like I had my life together.
00:21Spoiler alert, I didn't.
00:23The first thing that hit me was the smell.
00:26It was a mix of old books, stale coffee and a hint of desperation.
00:31I mean, how many dreams had been crushed in that room?
00:35I half expected to see a sign that said,
00:38Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
00:41Instead, I was greeted by a woman who looked like she had just come from a seminar
00:46on how to be overly enthusiastic about students' futures.
00:50She had a smile that could only be described as forced cheerfulness.
00:55Welcome! You must be here for your advising appointment, she chirped,
01:00practically bouncing in her chair.
01:02I nodded, trying to match her energy, but I felt more like a deflated balloon.
01:08She gestured for me to sit, and I plopped down in the chair,
01:12which squeaked ominously as if it were warning me about the impending doom of my academic future.
01:18So, what's your major? she asked,
01:21her eyes sparkling with the kind of hope that only comes from a lifetime of advising students
01:26who are just as lost as I was.
01:29I hesitated, because, well, I didn't have one.
01:33Um, undecided? I said, and her smile faltered for just a second.
01:38It was like I had just told her I was planning to major in underwater basket weaving,
01:44or something equally absurd.
01:46Ah, the classic undecided! That's perfectly normal, she exclaimed,
01:51her voice a little too high-pitched.
01:54Let's explore your interests!
01:56I could feel the panic rising in my chest.
01:59Interests? I barely had enough interest to get out of bed some days,
02:04let alone choose a career path.
02:06She pulled out a colorful chart that looked like it had been designed
02:10by a hyperactive kindergarten teacher.
02:13Okay, let's see. Do you like working with people? she asked,
02:17her pen poised over the paper like it was a magic wand.
02:21I thought about the last time I had to interact with more than three people at once.
02:26I had nearly passed out from social anxiety.
02:29Um, sometimes? I replied, and she scribbled something down,
02:34probably noting my apparent lack of social skills.
02:38Great! How about working with numbers?
02:41She continued, her enthusiasm unwavering.
02:44I shuddered at the thought. Numbers and I had a long-standing feud.
02:49I could barely count change without breaking into a cold sweat.
02:53Not really my thing, I admitted, and she nodded, still smiling.
02:57But I could see the gears turning in her head.
03:00Okay, how about the arts? she asked, her voice rising again.
03:05I could see the glimmer of hope in her eyes,
03:08like she thought I might be the next Picasso or Shakespeare.
03:12I like doodling, I said, and she jotted that down
03:16with the seriousness of a doctor diagnosing a rare disease.
03:20After what felt like an eternity of back-and-forth questioning,
03:23she finally leaned back in her chair, looking satisfied.
03:28So, it sounds like you're interested in, um, well, we'll figure that out later,
03:34she said, her smile now bordering on manic.
03:38I left that office feeling like I had just been through a whirlwind of confusion
03:42and caffeine-fueled optimism.
03:45I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life,
03:49but at least I had a colorful chart and a newfound appreciation
03:53for the art of doodling.
03:55As I walked away, I couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all.
04:00College Advising, where dreams go to get a reality check,
04:04and undecided students go to collect colorful charts
04:08that may or may not lead them to their future.