Taskmaster NZ S05E08 (2024)
Transcript
00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle a bit.
00:09I'll see you.
00:10Oh!
00:11Yeah!
00:12He-he-he!
00:13Kia ora koutou and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38My name's Jeremy Wells and I'm hosting this show as part of my community service
00:42obligations after being convicted last year of running a high-profile ram-raiding ring.
00:50So for the next 150 more hours at least, I am officially the Taskmaster.
00:59Tonight we'll watch as five Aotearoa comedians desperately claw at each other like rats in
01:04a bucket, all for a chance to win this, the severed head of my identical twin brother
01:11who died tragically after falling into a vat of liquid gold.
01:16The five comedians vying for this auspicious prize are Abby Howell, Ben Hurley, Haley Sprouse,
01:28and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, sitting in for Te Whenga Te Pulea'i, we have Bubba!
01:41And as always, sitting next to me like a dutiful AI assistant that I never have to
01:46worry about one day overthrowing me, it's Paul Williams!
01:51I've been thinking Jeremy, in the early to mid 2010s, a lot of people bought 3D televisions
02:01and we don't really do enough to utilise that technology.
02:05So I thought I would do something for them.
02:09Look out!
02:11Whoa, don't get wet!
02:16Money well spent by those guys.
02:18Are you done?
02:21Yeah.
02:22Good.
02:23So, for our prize task tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing they
02:29really wanted but now no longer want.
02:33Okay.
02:34Haley!
02:35So, it was the early 2000s and Lord of the Rings was all the rage and my partner started
02:42collecting every single Lord of the Rings figurine and he was hoping that one day he
02:48would sell them to collectors and that would be the deposit on a home.
02:53These are now worth about $5 less than they originally were and therefore I no longer
03:00want them.
03:01First you were getting rid of his gravy pot and now you're getting rid of his collectibles.
03:06Yeah, I know.
03:07This guy can't catch a break.
03:08Yeah, I know.
03:09Soon I'll get rid of him.
03:11Barbara, sitting in for Te Finga, I'd love to know what you've brought in.
03:15It's nothing much.
03:18It's my boss.
03:23Don't want him anymore.
03:26What sort of work does this boss make you do?
03:30Private work.
03:32Nah, just trying to access my agent.
03:36This is your agent?
03:37Yeah, my pimp daddy.
03:40I wanted him because I wanted work, but now he's making me work too much.
03:46Tom.
03:47Mine's a little bit complicated and I now kind of regret it.
03:51It's got a little bit of a sob story involved with it.
03:53That's okay.
03:54So, I came of age in the early 2000s, right, and I was a bit of a fashion victim.
03:59I unironically wore a tie as a belt.
04:02I wore boot cut jeans and I also wore this.
04:06Oh no.
04:09You might not realise it, but I've actually got a very, very big head.
04:13And I haven't been able to find a hat that fits.
04:20And then I found this hat and it was the first one that fit my head.
04:27And I left it behind in a taxi coming home from somewhere in Newmarket
04:31after having one too many mudslides.
04:35Sorry.
04:38Abby, what did you bring in?
04:40I brought in my PhD.
04:46Legit.
04:49Okay, and this is a very expensive thing to give away.
04:51I thought I really wanted it, but now I have it, I don't want it anymore.
04:56Too many bitches.
05:00Too much respect on panel shows.
05:03I get offered too many drugs.
05:05I wish I'd never got the thing.
05:08Ben, what did you bring in?
05:10I love Star Wars and I love world domination.
05:14So, I found on the internet the thing I thought I would love the most.
05:18Star Wars Risk.
05:23It was over $200.
05:25What?
05:27And then I got it and I read the instructions and it's so complex.
05:32So, if we go to the next slide, you can see that everything is still in its packet.
05:36Oh, wow.
05:38And I don't want it anymore.
05:40Did you sort of stop wanting this when you realised that you needed friends to play it?
05:45Yeah, it's a bit of an issue for Star Wars games.
05:51Generally, the type of people who like them are short on the friend thing.
05:56Okay.
05:57Well, I'm going to start with one point for Tom for the hat,
06:02two points for Bubba for the agent,
06:05three points for Hayley for her boyfriend stuff,
06:10four points for Ben,
06:13and five points for Abby for her PhD.
06:17That doctor house, Jeremy.
06:20Okay, let's get on with the show, shall we?
06:23I think I'm in the mood for a real task, Paul.
06:25Your wish is my command.
06:38Love the gloves.
06:40Thank you, Tom.
06:41Ooh.
06:44Hello, Ben.
06:45Kia ora.
06:46Kia ora.
06:47Over here?
06:48Yes, please.
06:49You've got a nice set-up here, mate.
06:52What an intriguing group of things you have here.
06:55What intrigues you the most?
06:57Probably the lamp.
06:59The genie's about to come.
07:01That's not code.
07:05Okay, here we go.
07:07Say the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
07:11You will not leave the study.
07:13Fastest wins.
07:16Time starts now.
07:20You couldn't resist that genie comes line, could you, Tom?
07:23No, I love a good genie.
07:25That's not code.
07:27A genie comes if you rub it.
07:30Just like everybody else.
07:33Okay, this looks like a naughty little puzzle, Paul.
07:36Who are we going to watch first?
07:37You know Aladdin?
07:38Well, this next clip's got three lads in.
07:41Here's Ben, Taufinga, and Tom.
07:44What's the magic phrase?
07:46All the information you need is in the task.
07:50Okay, I'm thinking this is...
07:52What?
07:54Hang on.
07:55Okay, say the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
07:59I've stopped the clock.
08:00Okay.
08:02Why?
08:03Say the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
08:05So I've got to get the lamp out.
08:06I've stopped the clock.
08:07You have?
08:08Yeah.
08:09Say the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
08:14I've stopped the clock.
08:16You've stopped the clock?
08:18Yes.
08:20I've done the task?
08:21Yeah.
08:23What?
08:24Are you serious?
08:25Yeah.
08:27Okay.
08:29It's like, Dad, if you're happy, I'm happy.
08:31I'm happy.
08:33Done.
08:37Nobody seemed to know what they'd done there, Ben.
08:40You were none the wiser.
08:41None the wiser.
08:42So an extremely simple task.
08:44All you had to say was the following.
08:46The magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
08:49Oh, for God's sake.
08:52So obviously they all read that line while reading the task,
08:56but it was after the task began on your time starts now.
08:59Yes.
09:00And so how long did it take those guys?
09:02Tom, 13 seconds.
09:05Torfinger, 39 seconds.
09:08Ben, 5 seconds.
09:12Oh, God.
09:16You're getting quite good at doing well in tasks,
09:18but you have no idea what's going on.
09:19No idea.
09:20It's a real skill.
09:21I've done some of my best work in 5 seconds, Jeremy.
09:25Okay.
09:26It's on.
09:27A race to see who can read out a piece of paper the fastest.
09:30Television has absolutely peaked.
09:32Stay tuned.
09:33We're back with more Taskmasters soon.
09:35A kua nei.
09:42Welcome back to Taskmaster,
09:44the show where New Zealand comedians
09:46trick us into thinking they're cool
09:48by pretending to not want their Star Wars
09:50or Lord of the Rings stuff anymore.
09:52Paul, what is currently going down?
09:54We're in the middle of a task
09:56where our contestants have to say,
09:58and I quote,
09:59the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
10:01But there's an actual magic lamp in the room, isn't there?
10:04Yes, there is.
10:05It's a magic lamp.
10:06It's a magic lamp.
10:07It's a magic lamp.
10:08It's a magic lamp.
10:09It's a magic lamp.
10:10It's a magic lamp.
10:11There's a magic lamp in the room, is there?
10:13Yes.
10:14I mean, I can see why that would be confusing.
10:16I did accidentally leave my magic lamp in the room that day.
10:18Who's next, Paul?
10:19You know the lady in the tramp?
10:21Well, here's the ladies in the lamp.
10:23It's Hayley and Abby.
10:25What's the magic phrase?
10:27Say the magic phrase.
10:29That's the phrase!
10:31Okay, so we need to get in there.
10:33What are you thinking?
10:34I'm thinking that there's, like,
10:36a trick to finding the phrase.
10:38Okay.
10:39Say the phrase while rubbing the lamp.
10:42What is that?
10:44That's different.
10:46Oh, that's my music.
10:47My royalty-free jams.
10:49It's playing Sad Memories.
10:56Are you alright?
10:58Oh, I'm sorry, Paul.
11:00What's wrong?
11:09Paul!
11:11You're so good!
11:13Wow!
11:15Paul!
11:17Paul!
11:19Paul!
11:21You're so good!
11:23Wow!
11:25Paul!
11:39Oh!
11:41Oh, my God!
11:43This song's called Sultry Nights.
11:53No.
11:55Paul, no!
11:57Task!
11:59Say task.
12:01That's what the song's spell out.
12:03Say task.
12:05I sort of thought that would have an effect.
12:08I sort of thought that would have an effect.
12:10This lock is interesting.
12:12If I press it, it goes red.
12:14Task.
12:15Task.
12:16Task.
12:18Could I use your finger?
12:19Yeah.
12:20Task.
12:21Task.
12:22Task.
12:23You think it's, like, a voice activator?
12:25I don't know, Paul.
12:26It's a fingerprint lock.
12:27Give me your fingerprints.
12:31Wow!
12:32Thank you, Paul!
12:34Oh!
12:36I am a bread-hearing.
12:38You're a red-hearing, right?
12:40You're a red-hearing, right?
12:42Y-A-R-H-R.
12:44Y-A.
12:46You're a red-hearing, right?
12:48You're a red-hearing, right?
12:50You're a red-hearing, right?
12:52Ah!
12:54Chocolate money.
12:56Give me some money.
12:58Look up.
13:00Ah!
13:02Yes!
13:04Looks like a key to the lamp.
13:11Task.
13:15Say task.
13:17Task.
13:18Am I done?
13:19Oh, no.
13:20Oh.
13:21It's the lamp.
13:22And now I've got to say the magic phrase
13:24while rubbing the lamp.
13:26I've stopped the clock.
13:28Did I say the magic phrase?
13:31You've completed the task.
13:33I did it?
13:34You did it.
13:35Say the magic phrase while rubbing the lamp.
13:37I've stopped the clock.
13:39Oh.
13:40OK, great.
13:41So I'm done?
13:42Yeah.
13:48Oh, dearie me.
13:49Why do I get so much joy
13:51out of watching people do pointless tasks?
13:54I know.
13:55You think you've got joy?
13:56Did you see my little face?
13:58Task!
13:59Task!
14:00I really thought I had it so many times.
14:02So pleased with myself.
14:03I was like, oh, everyone's going to see
14:05how smart I am after this task.
14:07Also, Hayley did come incredibly close
14:09right at the start,
14:11two seconds into her attempt.
14:13She said, say the phrase while rubbing the lamp.
14:15So she was missing the word magic.
14:17Oh.
14:19And how long did it take?
14:21She took 7 minutes 29.
14:23Yes.
14:24OK.
14:25Abbey, 8 minutes 19.
14:27Is that better or worse than 5 seconds?
14:31In the bedroom, better.
14:35OK, how did the scores wind up then?
14:37So that means 1 point for Abbey,
14:392 points for Hayley,
14:403 points for Telfinga,
14:424 points for Tom,
14:43and 5 points for Ben Hurley.
14:47How are our episode scores looking, Paul?
14:50Leading the pack with 9 points,
14:52it's Ben Hurley.
14:57I'm feeling ready for another task.
14:59What have you got for me, Paul?
15:01This one's a team task
15:03and it's going to synergise the hell
15:05out of your actionables.
15:13Oh, this is nice refreshments.
15:15Oh, a little party.
15:17Yum.
15:18Oh, nice.
15:19Hello, Tom.
15:20Hello, Telfinga.
15:21Hey, Paul.
15:22Hello, Abbey.
15:23Hello, Paul.
15:24Hello, Hayley.
15:25Hello, Ben.
15:27OK, may I?
15:28Yeah, you go.
15:29Go for it.
15:30OK, let's go.
15:32Create and run a corporate retreat.
15:35You have one hour.
15:37Your attendees arrive in 30 minutes.
15:39Best corporate retreat wins.
15:42Your time starts now.
15:44This is a goodie.
15:45OK.
15:46Shall we snack to think of ideas?
15:47Yeah, great.
15:48Great, cool.
15:49What happens at a corporate retreat?
15:50They've got to talk about KPIs.
15:53What does that stand for?
15:54Key Performance Indicators?
15:55Yeah.
15:56I can do some icebreakers in the beginning.
15:58Yeah, that's really good.
15:59That's great.
16:00I have autism, so that's probably not the best one for me.
16:02If you were to start a company, what would you start?
16:05Maybe like an airline.
16:06We're creating.
16:07We only fly around the North Island.
16:09A North Island exclusive airline.
16:11Yeah.
16:12OK, that's our company.
16:13Oh, yeah, what's our corporate message?
16:14A veneer of caring.
16:16Yeah.
16:17But money first.
16:18OK.
16:19If we call it North Airlines.
16:20Yeah.
16:21And then using it like a...
16:23A cross stick.
16:24A cross stick.
16:25No Southlanders.
16:27Oh, orange juice only.
16:29I like that, yeah.
16:31Do you serve water?
16:32No, orange...
16:33Follow the ethos.
16:35Orange juice only.
16:41Tom, I liked your line.
16:43A veneer of caring, but money first.
16:46Yes, that's how I live my life too.
16:50OK, whose corporate retreat do we have to sit through first, Paul?
16:54Do you know what the email abbreviation ATTN means?
16:58It stands for Abbie Tofinga Tom Now.
17:04Welcome, welcome, welcome.
17:06Hello.
17:07Hello, Daphne.
17:08Lovely to meet you.
17:09Hi, Tom.
17:10Grab yourself a cup of tea and we'll come and have a seat,
17:12make yourself comfortable and we'll get straight into it
17:14because, you know, time is money.
17:15Our water, of course.
17:17Good to stay hydrated in this life.
17:19Great to have everyone here this morning.
17:21Just do a little icebreaker just to get us into it.
17:24So if I can ask everyone to please stand,
17:26turn to your left and massage the shoulders of the person in front of you.
17:31There you go.
17:32And humming, humming at the same time.
17:36Now, chops, chops.
17:37Very nice.
17:39I've got some acronyms here, so say it with me, everyone.
17:42Money and power over people.
17:46I want you to go home and think about that, OK?
17:48I'm going to hand you over to a very, very special guest.
17:51I don't know if you've seen her around.
17:53She's actually been in disguise.
17:54I'm going to hand you over to...
17:56That's right.
17:57It's me, Trish, the top executive at this firm.
18:01So let that be an important lesson to all of you.
18:04You don't know who you're talking to,
18:06so always say your pleas and thank yous.
18:08Now, I actually had a not easy rise to the top.
18:12Me and my family, we lived in this place
18:15and everything was going great there.
18:17But my uncle, my uncle was a jealous man.
18:20And one time, he told me there was going to be
18:23a bunch of wildebeests and I should go and see them.
18:27My dad, he tries to save me from all the wildebeests.
18:30But actually, he falls into the wildebeests and he died.
18:34I know.
18:36OK, just to finish our corporate retreat,
18:39we're all going to stand up and we're all going to sing our company song.
18:42Five, six, seven, eight.
18:45Corporations watch everything we do
18:52so they can do targeted marketing.
18:59Thank you very much. Thank you so much.
19:02Go Forth! Go Forth!
19:04Thanks for coming, guys. Thank you for coming.
19:06Thank you. We really appreciate it.
19:08I love that song.
19:10APPLAUSE
19:15Got a bit Nuremberg Rally Nazi sort of vibe there
19:19with the Go Forth! Go Forth!
19:21It does. I feel icky.
19:23But, you know, such is corporate life, you know?
19:26I could see at one point there, Tom,
19:28you were very concerned with where Trish's speech went.
19:31Yeah, I was. I was confused about her species for a second.
19:34But, you know, it all worked out.
19:36It felt a lot like the plot to The Lion King, actually.
19:39Trish's story is a lot like the plot to The Lion King.
19:43But also, The Lion King stole from Hamlet,
19:45so we all steal stories.
19:47Yeah, and Hamlet stole from Trish.
19:49LAUGHTER
19:51Baba, how did you feel about Tufinga's massaging
19:53that he was getting the people to do?
19:55Just a little different perspective
19:57on how close you can get to people
19:59without it being weird.
20:01Without being weird.
20:03I think it was pretty weird, to be honest.
20:05I would have bonded with someone little.
20:07LAUGHTER
20:09Yeah, see?
20:11That was quite nice.
20:13They actually do feel closer.
20:15Yeah, what a great retreat idea.
20:17What a five points deserving retreat idea.
20:20LAUGHTER
20:22All right, I think we need to take this offline,
20:24which is corporate television speak for an ad break.
20:26We'll see you back here for another corporate retreat
20:28very soon, when Taskmaster returns.
20:30APPLAUSE
20:32MUSIC
20:41CHEERING
20:43Welcome back to Taskmaster.
20:45Fill me in, Paul.
20:47Where are we at?
20:49Our teams are attempting to create corporate retreats
20:51for a busload of people
20:53who have no idea what they're going to do.
20:55So far, it's been a lot of acronym-based stuff.
20:57Yeah, I've seen that.
20:59I take it there's one more retreat?
21:01Yes. Here's the team from North Airlines.
21:03It's Ben and Hayley.
21:0520 seconds.
21:07I'll get some water,
21:10even though that's not in our ethos.
21:12Put it there as a test.
21:14Good, good, good.
21:16What happens if they take the water?
21:18Well, they're out.
21:20They're out? What, fired?
21:22Yeah, they're out.
21:24Here they are.
21:26Hi, welcome.
21:28Grab a drink, help yourself.
21:30Joanne, hi, Joanne.
21:32Oh, Daphne, we're going to have to ask you to leave.
21:34Yeah, sorry, Daphne, that was a test.
21:36You know the ethos.
21:38Is Daphne fired?
21:40Yeah, Daphne's out.
21:42Okay, well now, welcome along.
21:44Hayley is going to take you through our company ethos.
21:46As you know, you are all flight attendants
21:48for North Airlines.
21:50N, of course, stands for
21:52no South Island destinations.
21:54O, we've got orange juice only,
21:56hence why Daphne's gone.
21:58R, of course, as you know, really hot flight attendants,
22:00and I can see that we are sticking to that.
22:02T is timely. We're always on time.
22:04And of course, H is for
22:06high fives on arrival.
22:08Ben, why don't you talk us through some of the company stats
22:10from last year and where we're heading for 2024.
22:12Now, there was a dip here, and I think we know why.
22:14Daphne.
22:16But since then, a real bounce.
22:18In fact, this has just happened in the last few minutes
22:20since Daphne's been let go.
22:22As a company, we really want to feel like a family,
22:24and so we're going to do a little trust exercise,
22:26something that we just love to do every year.
22:28One by one, you're going to come up,
22:30then you're going to close your eyes,
22:32and you're going to run
22:35with your head at the board.
22:37Full speed! Go, Michelle! Stop!
22:39That's fantastic.
22:41Lucky last, Paul.
22:43Close your eyes, and just run.
22:45And run with trust, Paul.
22:47Stop, stop, stop!
22:49Sorry, my name's also Paul.
22:51Yeah, we meant this, Paul.
22:53So we're actually going to move through.
22:55We've got a networking function.
22:57That's right. A couple of drinks.
22:59Follow us, guys. Let's get drunk.
23:01Well, look, it's been a hard year.
23:03It's been a long week down,
23:05but we're all here,
23:07and I feel like we're really...
23:09It's Daphne.
23:11Daphne, come in.
23:13We're going to put it down as a written warning.
23:15Daphne, welcome back aboard.
23:17Yeah, and here's to Daphne not suing us!
23:19Cheers!
23:21And what about you, Paul?
23:23How are you finding working for Northeast Airlines?
23:25You don't find there's too many Pauls?
23:27Because we could get rid of a Paul.
23:29Yeah, we could totally tear you down to just one Paul.
23:31Paul's gone!
23:33Number one, Paul!
23:35Number one, Paul!
23:37Number one, Paul!
23:39Number one, Paul!
23:45The party really seemed to kick off
23:47once you kicked Paul out, didn't it?
23:49I mean, he is a fun sponge.
23:51Pretty brutal on Daphne.
23:53Yeah, let's all remember that that was make-believe
23:55and Daphne's a real person
23:57who was hired to come on a show
24:00and when she turned up
24:02grabbed a cup of water and we got rid of her.
24:04She was fired after 42 seconds of the retreat.
24:10Alright, we're going to have to score these.
24:12One corporate retreat looked like a whole lot more fun
24:14because there was alcohol involved.
24:16I mean, let's be honest, that's why anyone actually goes.
24:18So five points for Ben and Hayley.
24:20And I think two points for
24:22Abby, Tofinga and Tom.
24:24Oh.
24:26OK.
24:28Alright, Paul, must be time for another task.
24:30Sure thing, Jeremy. Turn your phones to silent
24:32because we're going to the movies.
24:50Wowee.
24:52Shh.
24:54Shh.
24:56Windshield pop.
24:58Yeah.
25:00Good man.
25:02There it is.
25:04I'm watching, sorry.
25:20Start in a 30-second silent film.
25:22The most high-stakes film wins.
25:25The most high-stakes film wins.
25:27You have 40 minutes.
25:29Your time starts.
25:31Now, I'm wondering if there's like a clock
25:33like I'm thinking there might be a bomb situation.
25:35I reckon aliens
25:37and then one human stands up and like
25:39I'll be the hero or the saviour.
25:41There's going to be a guy who's going to try and steal
25:43your purse.
25:45Yeah, you'd be a better woman.
25:47How come?
25:49Because you look like one.
25:51We'll tie you to the chair, we'll put a sack over your head
25:53and then I'm going to come and I'll be the villain.
25:55The environment is like a
25:57building site and my umbrella gets
25:59taken away from me.
26:01And then a subtitle underneath.
26:03We are batmen.
26:05We are batmen.
26:07Should we start filming it?
26:09Let's do it.
26:11And action.
26:15Back off.
26:17Was that a take or a practice?
26:19It's a take.
26:21And you make a good girl Paul.
26:25Excellent.
26:27Great job.
26:29Could be an award in it for you.
26:33Oh.
26:35Hello Hayley.
26:37Hello Paul.
26:41Create the audio for your
26:43silent film.
26:45Paul's sound must be recorded in this room.
26:47Best soundscape wins.
26:50You have 45 minutes, your time starts
26:52now.
26:54Okay let's do it.
26:56Oh so I get to see my silent film?
26:58Oh wonderful.
27:00This must be how Scorsese feels.
27:02We need gunshots.
27:04Blood splatters.
27:16Did you get a bit wet there?
27:22So it's worth remembering that there are
27:24kind of two parts to the task.
27:26Most high stakes film, best soundscape.
27:28Alright let's see some
27:30not so silent films then Paul.
27:32Who's up first?
27:34He puts the tom in atom bomb.
27:36It's Tom.
27:42There's been a big bomb.
27:44What the f***?
27:48I'm gonna kill you.
28:00I did it.
28:18We are but men.
28:26We are but men.
28:34Just that final line there, can you just run us through
28:36where the intonation is
28:38is quite important.
28:40Well originally I was like, we are but men, you know.
28:42And then just randomly I just stressed
28:44the wrong word for some reason.
28:46And then the crew and Paul smirched and I thought
28:48oh this is something and I put it in and now I regret it.
28:52Do you know Jeremy, I sort of thought
28:54that this task was a, that you had an
28:56unfair advantage because Tom Sainsbury
28:58is a film maker and has made films
29:00and gone to Cannes Film Festival but I feel alright now.
29:04Wow.
29:06That got a 45 minute standing ovation at Cannes.
29:08Yeah.
29:10Okay it's time to watch some more low quality
29:12short films starring cash strapped
29:15Australian comedians.
29:17And after that we'll see the rest of the movies our
29:19contestants have made. We'll be back
29:21after the ads.
29:35Good honour, welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:37The only place on earth where it's possible
29:39to consider a PhD in theatre studies
29:41a prize.
29:43What is currently going on Paul Williams?
29:45Our contestants made silent films
29:47with sound, otherwise known
29:49as normal movies.
29:51Up next with her movie
29:53The Boy Who Kicked
29:55it's Abbey Howells.
30:05Oh my god what is that?
30:07What is that?
30:13Oh bloody hell what's going on here?
30:19What's going on here?
30:21What am I gonna do?
30:23Shoot you up!
30:29You, you, you, you, you, you!
30:31Alien!
30:33How do you like this? And this? And this?
30:36These moves are too disrespectful!
30:38Check out this!
30:40Then this!
30:42No I'm scared, I'm scared!
30:44My god this moves are so powerful I gotta get away.
30:48He's done it!
30:50The boy has bloody done it!
30:52He's a legend!
30:54I did it! Off I go to celebrate.
30:56Oh no son.
30:58Lovely delicious alcohol.
31:00I will drink this every day.
31:02Son it's a slippery slope.
31:06Applause
31:12I did forget that bit at the end
31:14where I chronicled his descent
31:16into alcoholism.
31:18That's what I'm thinking, is that what's happening in the sequel?
31:20Yeah it's about how he
31:22becomes an alcoholic
31:24and he's always seeking that high again
31:26but he can never achieve it and then he dies in childbirth.
31:32How does he die in childbirth?
31:34I have to watch the movie for it.
31:36The overlapping voices
31:38especially lots of people coming out and going
31:40what's going on here?
31:42There was a lot of what's going on here going on.
31:44So would you say the movie was sort of making you question life
31:46and really think about the bigger picture?
31:48I feel like I saw inside your brain
31:50I had a look
31:52and then I went back out the other way.
31:54Well it was
31:56lovely to be visited for a while, gets lonely
31:58in there.
32:00Alright, should we endure another one of these
32:02manic fever dreams?
32:04Watch out Steven Spielberg
32:06this guy's coming for your spot
32:08at a very leisurely pace.
32:10It's Tofinga Whipuliai.
32:12I am dancing
32:14like a queen
32:16What the hell
32:18is she doing?
32:20Wow, she looks quite nice though.
32:22What's that guy standing there for?
32:24What's he standing there for?
32:30Hey, look over there.
32:32Oh no.
32:34Oh my god.
32:36Help me.
32:38I'm going to get you.
32:40Oh no.
32:42Thank you very much.
32:44There you go Miss Blondie.
32:46Can I ask you something?
32:48Will you marry me?
32:50You're so big and strong.
32:52Will you marry me?
32:56I will love you for the rest of my life.
32:58You're so handsome.
33:00Oh look at you, beautiful lady you.
33:06Here we go.
33:10Come on
33:12you little chicky bugger.
33:14Yeah, that's the healthiest one.
33:18It has chicken, lemons
33:20Yeah.
33:24Are you happy?
33:26I'm happy.
33:34Baba,
33:36was it just me or was Tofinga feeling up
33:38his fiancée at the altar?
33:40Yeah, and it looked mean.
33:42I thought something
33:44else was about to happen when Paul
33:46started to spread
33:48his legs in the bath. I'm like no.
33:50I like when
33:52he ripped the arms off a baby and then it came up
33:54happy ending.
33:56It's the second time
33:58this season that Tofinga has pulled
34:00a baby from you. Two, two.
34:02Two breech births.
34:04100% alive.
34:06Right, unlike Abbey.
34:08Alright, let's watch another one,
34:10should we? He's Hawera's
34:12Buster Keaton. It's Ben Hurley.
34:18Whistle
34:20Whistle
34:22Whistle
34:24Whistle
34:26Whistle
34:28Whistle
34:30Whistle
34:32Whistle
34:36Whistle
34:38Whistle
34:40Whistle
34:42Whistle
34:44Whistle
34:46Whistle
34:48Tadadada
34:50Whistle
34:54So good!
35:00Nice to see someone here
35:02has watched a silent movie before
35:04That was so good!
35:06And don't worry, after all those stunts, I'm okay
35:08Wow that must have been tough
35:10going over the top of that thing on your
35:12bike. Do you know what,
35:14This is the modern era.
35:16There were so many people checking it was going to be okay.
35:19Minimal amounts of dialogue?
35:21Minimal amounts of sound effect?
35:22Yeah, that's the problem with a silent film.
35:24There's not a lot of noise.
35:28Okay, it must be time for our lucky last, Paul.
35:31Move over, Spike Lee.
35:32Here's Hayley.
35:43Ha!
35:44I've got you now, Paul.
35:46How? I'm just a poor man from New Zealand.
35:50Shut it.
35:51Ow!
35:52Release me. I have nine kids.
35:55Nine kids?
35:56Mm-hmm.
35:58I'll let you go if you can spell the word...
36:04Maneuver.
36:07You evil woman.
36:09Do it now,
36:10or your nine kids will be orphans.
36:14Oh.
36:17M?
36:18That is correct.
36:20A?
36:23Yes, that was it, yeah.
36:25N?
36:26O?
36:28Oh, what's your next letter?
36:32A second O?
36:33Oh.
36:36Ah!
36:41Now those nine kids will be my children.
36:45I'm the daddy!
36:47Oh!
36:49APPLAUSE
36:54So, I'm just making sure that I understand the plot here.
36:57It's about an evil guy that goes around
37:00getting people to spell things,
37:02and then he takes away their children.
37:03Correct.
37:04OK.
37:05Now, I thought some of the foley was quite impressive.
37:07The punches looked a bit fake.
37:09They were fake.
37:10I would have liked to have seen a proper punch.
37:12Yeah, I know, I try, but...
37:14This guy, do you know what I mean?
37:16I know, I know.
37:17Oh, it hurt!
37:18LAUGHTER
37:20OK, I think Tofinga had the lowest stakes.
37:24There was the stealing of a handbag.
37:26But I enjoyed his dialogue, but at the same time,
37:29I don't want to see Paul give birth again.
37:31LAUGHTER
37:32I've had enough of that, so I'm going to go one point for Tofinga,
37:35two points for Ben,
37:38because I thought he had low stakes,
37:40three points for Tom,
37:42and then I'm going to go four points for Abby,
37:45because I enjoyed going into her head.
37:47And I thought the stakes were pretty high for you, Hayley,
37:50with nine kids on the line and the sound effects.
37:52It was very good.
37:53So, five points for Hayley.
37:56I'm really pleased.
37:57All right.
37:58Next up, a thrilling live task
38:00and an elaborate prize-giving ceremony
38:02for our winner.
38:03But first, some ads.
38:05We'll see you soon.
38:06APPLAUSE
38:07CHEERING
38:18Welcome back to Taskmaster.
38:20We're about to find out who'll be going home
38:22with our amazing prize pack of things nobody else wants.
38:26But first, Paul, let's get a little scoreboard update, please.
38:29Leading Hayley by one point, it's Ben Hurley.
38:33APPLAUSE
38:35Contestants, please head up to the stage
38:38for our final task of the show.
38:41APPLAUSE
38:45OK, Paul, how's this going to work?
38:47Hayley Sproul, will you please read the task?
38:50It would be my pleasure.
38:52Ahem.
38:53Pick a subject from Paul's board,
38:56then have a cohesive conversation about it.
38:59Each conversation must last 30 seconds
39:03and all participating teammates must speak at least twice.
39:07You must be wearing your noise-cancelling headphones
39:10whilst conversing.
39:11There will be three rounds.
39:13Most cohesive conversationalists wins.
39:16We'll start with a team of two.
39:18Four?
39:19Sure.
39:20Your topic is...
39:22..a recent holiday you took.
39:24Your time starts...
39:26..now.
39:27I haven't been on holiday for a while
39:30because of all the renovations.
39:32Of course you do, yeah.
39:33Because of your house.
39:35There's two guys working on it.
39:37Two men.
39:38There's always two men at your house.
39:40All day, all the time.
39:41Yeah.
39:42Have you been on holiday?
39:43Yes, the last holiday I went on was to New Caledonia.
39:47Oh!
39:48And that's currently in some political...
39:51APPLAUSE
39:55Which topic would you like?
39:57One, cos we're going to come first.
39:59Yes, I love it.
40:01Your conversation topic is...
40:03..your death row meal.
40:05What would you guys have for your death row meal?
40:08Probably pork ribs.
40:11Cos of the barbecue sauce.
40:13How about you?
40:14I love...
40:15..barbecue sauce.
40:17Oh, my God.
40:19I love a barbecue.
40:21A barbecue?
40:22Yeah.
40:23Sure.
40:24For my death row meal, I would also have a barbecue.
40:28What would you be in prison for?
40:32Um...
40:33..oh, fun!
40:35Grammary?
40:37APPLAUSE
40:41So, which was the more cohesive conversation?
40:44I'd have to say...
40:46..Barbara, Abby and Tom, first up.
40:49Oh!
40:50Yes!
40:51Oh, my God!
40:53OK.
40:55Death row six, please, Paul.
40:57The game on the weekend.
40:59Boy, oh, boy, Ben, I've got to up the waz!
41:02Yes, I also enjoy the Warriors rugby league team.
41:06Do you know, next year, they're going to have a women's team as well.
41:11Love that for them.
41:12Yeah.
41:13Are they going to be chucking quite a bit, do you reckon?
41:16They will pass the ball and stuff, yeah.
41:19One, two, three...
41:21..up the waz!
41:24APPLAUSE
41:27What was that?
41:29Next year, they're going to have a women's team.
41:32That's what I understood as well.
41:35Team of three.
41:36Number two, please.
41:39The economy.
41:41How's that economy, you guys?
41:44I've heard it's in the toilet.
41:47It's pretty f***ed up.
41:50How are your savings, Bubba?
41:53Savings, um, I am doing pretty OK.
41:57What bank are you with?
42:00What bank?
42:02Might start stripping.
42:05APPLAUSE
42:07How about you?
42:15OK, that's a point to these guys.
42:18Point to Ben, point to Hayley.
42:21You choose, Brownlee.
42:23Number three is my favourite number.
42:25So we'll go number five.
42:27OK.
42:29The 1989 film Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.
42:33Hey, Ben, I was born in 1989.
42:37Were you?
42:38That makes you exactly nine years older than me.
42:41Oh, right.
42:42Yeah.
42:43You would have been nine years old when you saw Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.
42:47Correct, with the lead actor, Rick Moranis.
42:50Oh, the goggles are the best bit.
42:52Rick Moranis.
42:53I know!
42:54My favourite bit is when the kids are so small.
42:58So small.
43:00APPLAUSE
43:03We'll have number three, please, Paul.
43:05A fine choice.
43:09Your conversation is love.
43:12Do you guys like romantic comedies?
43:15Love them.
43:17I love Notting Hill.
43:20You, Bubba?
43:21Do you like romantic comedies?
43:22Love romantic comedies.
43:23Are you in love at the moment?
43:27Do you guys...
43:28Do you guys think Love Actually is a Christmas movie?
43:33I don't like it because everyone is problematic.
43:40I love you guys.
43:42I love you guys.
43:44Group hug!
43:47APPLAUSE
43:52That's one of the worst conversations I've ever witnessed.
43:55Hayley and Ben, a point there.
44:01All right, come on down and we'll score it.
44:08OK, Hayley and Ben took it out, obviously.
44:12Yes.
44:13With two to one.
44:14So five points for the winner
44:16and then four points for the team that came second.
44:18OK.
44:19That was a really fun game!
44:22So what does that mean for the overall episode scores, Paul?
44:26It means the winner of episode eight, with 21 points,
44:30is Ben Hurley!
44:31OK, congratulations, Ben.
44:33You're now the proud owner of some things nobody wants.
44:37Get on up to the stage and get acquainted
44:39with all of your lovely new stuff.
44:41Well done.
44:43So, that's another episode done and dusted,
44:45but what did we learn?
44:47We learned that some silent films are better left silent.
44:51And we learned that following instructions
44:53can be a massive waste of everyone's time.
44:57But most importantly, we learned that Ben Hurley
45:00is the winner for tonight's episode, episode eight.
45:03Thanks, everyone.
45:05We'll see you next time.
45:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:23All right, Paul, do you want to play a little game?
45:26I feel like it's getting kind of late.
45:29SHE SCREAMS
45:30And I kind of need to go to bed.
45:32I love you, Paul.
45:34That's how the divas do it.
45:36Hopefully my dear's not watching.
45:38He will be. He loves this show.