Feelings Clash: Who Takes Priority, You or Them? || Acharya Prashant, NIT-Jamshedpur (2023)

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00Good evening, sir. Myself Muskan Kumari. I'm second year student of NIT Jamshedpur. People

00:10often say that you don't care about my feelings, you don't care about my emotions. So my question

00:16is that what should be your first priority, your feelings or your loved one's feelings?

00:26Please, sir. Let me come to the dimension of the question.

00:46Neither your feelings nor the other one's feelings. Nobody's feelings are important.

00:52It is important to recognize what is really going on. What is really going on? That recognition,

01:09that understanding is important. Feelings are just feelings. They arise from the primitive

01:18conditioning of your body. The wife is saying, let's go out na, let's go out na. The husband

01:36is saying, no, there is no need to go out. The wife is saying, no, let's go out just

01:42for dinner. The husband is saying, no, no, no, I'm not even hungry. Let's just order

01:51something from somewhere and eat and sleep. And both are displaying their feelings strongly.

02:01The wife is saying, let's go out na, because next to the restaurant is a garment shop or

02:10a jewellery shop. So when they will go to eat out, that would also be an opportunity

02:19to shop. The husband is saying, no, no, let's not go out, let's just, I'm feeling like

02:28just going for food at home itself. Because he is saying, you know, it's better to just

02:42have some food and break the bed. If I'll go out with wife, we'll return at 10, 11

02:51and she'll start snoring and all the fun will be gone. Sex is a better feeling than

03:03food. Now whose feelings to honour? Whose feelings to honour? And if the feelings of

03:14either of these are dishonoured, then they will feel offended. Let alone that the wife

03:28understands where the husband is coming from or the husband understands where the wife

03:32is coming from, chances are neither of them knows where they themselves are coming from.

03:41The husband might actually be thinking that he is tired, therefore he doesn't want to

03:46eat out. The wife might actually have convinced herself that she needs a bit of an outing

03:54because she is bored from the house. Ask yourself, why am I feeling what I am feeling?

04:11The question has to be raised. It's a very preliminary kind of question. Should I take

04:24care of my feelings? Should I take care of his feelings? Don't you know where your own

04:27feelings come from? Have you never bothered to see? If you want to understand how other

04:36people think and feel, please first try to see where your own thoughts and feelings come

04:41from. Have you tried to see that? Please do that. And once you can see the darkness within

04:51yourself, then it will be possible to bring light to others as well. And feelings are

05:04deceptive. They will never tell their real source. Nobody will ever say that I am feeling

05:15this way because I am wicked. All feelings pretend to be virtuous at least, if not godly.

05:30No darling, I don't want you to go out for dinner because if you go out then you will

05:38be tired even more. So don't go out, just lie down. Just lie down baby. Because you

05:47will be tired if you walk around too much. I can't afford to see you tired. Let me massage

05:53your legs. You know where the whole thing is coming from and what the whole thing is

06:03going to. But even hubby darling might actually be thinking that he is being a virtuous hubby.

06:12He might actually be thinking that his intention is nothing but massage. How can we be so ignorant

06:23of ourselves that we start talking of our feelings as something good, great, pious or

06:32virtuous, sometimes even sacred. Our feelings are our animalistic reactions and reflections,

06:45nothing else. It is another matter that in the light of self-knowledge, emotion can be purified.

07:00But that's not how you are since your birth. We are born as an animal and the feelings

07:11that we carry are those of an animal. I am not talking of killing feelings. I am talking

07:18of purifying feelings by self-knowledge. When you start knowing where your feelings are

07:23coming from, then the very center of the feelings gets changed. Then it's alright.

07:36Then you get the rights to go by your feelings, to follow your feelings. Otherwise one of

07:46the worst things that you can do to yourself and others is living by the feelings. And

07:57sometimes it's not even a clear feeling. You simply say, oh you know, I just felt that

08:06way and said that to you. It was all hazy. If it is all hazy, first of all go and do

08:12your homework. It's like going to someone and saying, you know, I just came to you because

08:21I was stinking. If you are stinking, first go and take a shower and then come to me.

08:27If you know that you are hazy, why don't you first sit down and reflect a bit so that your

08:34own inner haze can be cleared. What's the point in expressing it and also expecting

08:40that your haze will be honored. It's like coming to someone, I repeat, you know I am

08:47stinking. Now honor me. Honor you for your stink. But why? When it's not altogether so

08:57different to clear that stink. You could have gone and stood under the shower and things

09:02would have been better. But instead of doing your homework, you have come here to throw

09:10all the garbage at me. And that, by the way, is often the gold standard of popular love.

09:21I now have a ready-made target to dump my feelings on. All kinds of obnoxious things

09:31I dare not utter to anybody else. He will consider me insane. This fellow I now have.

09:37Ask people, why do you want to marry? They'll say, I'll have somebody to share my emotions

09:45with. What emotions do you want to share? It's like your stink. Do you know what your

09:52emotions are and where they are coming from? It is against the basic rules of civilization.

10:04You want to share your decent stuff with people, right? Or do you want to share your trash

10:10with people? If I am good to you, will I share my filth with you? But that's what you are

10:20supposed to do as a lover. Share all your filth, not share, dump on him. Especially

10:29between midnight and 4 am. You dial a lover and he'll be unreachable. Number is busy.

10:42What is he doing? He's acting as the national garbage house. All the nonsense is being dumped

10:51on him or her. And this is in the name of emotional bonding. You know, we are sharing

10:56our feelings with each other. Share something decent. Share something decent. Share something

11:06that uplifts the other person. Instead, you are throwing all the stinking trash. And you

11:18say this is what keeps the two of us together. I throw my crap at him. And in return, he

11:29farts right in my face. And that seals our bond. Flush and fart. F and F. She uses me

11:51as the flush. And I use her to fart. We both honor our feelings reciprocally. And that

12:10also constitutes the greatest infidelity. If you refuse to take the other's crap, you

12:16are not the same person anymore. Within five minutes, you get bored of my nonsense. You

12:24should have an infinite appetite to tolerate my fart. Think of it all the nonsense that

12:36you throw at your so called lovers. Would anybody else in the world tolerate that? So

12:41what kind of victim are you creating? And why? Poor fellow, spare him or her. He does

12:51not even want to know all the nonsense that you are throwing at him. All that the fellow

12:56wants is some five minutes of sex. Instead, you are giving him five hours of trash. Bad deal,

13:03I tell you. A lot of faces have just automatically nodded in resonance. They know by experience how

13:23it happens. Hours and hours of infinite trash in the name of feelings. By the time the crappy

13:41story ends, the fellow is too tired to demand sex. He says fine. I'm all right. All by myself.

13:51Gone. Finished. I tell you, I actually know of people who keep their mobile phone on the table

14:05and start doing their regular work while the other fellow is on. What is the other fellow doing?

14:12Sharing feelings. And that's a daily thing. Rather a nightly thing. Every night feelings

14:20are shared. And now this fellow has found a way out. Just keep the mobile phone on the table and

14:26do whatever you have to. For three hours the feelings will come pouring. Like torrential

14:34rain, like cloudburst. Feelings, feelings, feelings. And you cannot refuse. Because that's

14:42the usual bargain. Flush for fart. Sobs for sex. So the phone is kept here and sometimes the fellow

15:03falls asleep. And then he has had it. It's not gender specific. It could be either way. Either

15:16way. The phone is kept here and he's like. And the one at the other end is going on and on just

15:26sharing the feelings. And this fellow is like, please spare me. In a relationship, give your

15:46best to the other. Not your crap. And we all have a lot of crap. Let's admit that. Let's admit

15:56that and let's save the partner from that crap. Before you share, ask yourself, is it even worthy

16:08of being shared? Share only what helps the other. One sure measure of a toxic relationship is when

16:25you are being used as a dump yard. The fellow has had some experience in the day. And the first

16:34thing he wants is, you know, I want to tell you that I want to buy, tell me something that is

16:38worth listening to. There are so many great and important things in the world today. And in

16:47history, you talk, none of those things, all that you talk of, you know, and then I went to my

16:52colleague and you know, his shirt was so new. And you know, why are you telling all this to me? Why

16:58should I be interested? But you do not respect my feelings. Eat your feelings. Eat your feelings. I

17:07don't want any of them. Then they are saying that you are selfish. Yes, you are selfish. I am selfish,

17:17you go away. Eat your feelings and fart somewhere else. Thank you, sir, for your kind words.

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