deaddogsmoking
deaddogsmoking
  • 2 months ago
First broadcast 19th November 2013.

Alan is discharged from hospital and it is agreed that he will move into Celia's granny flat as it is more conducive to recovery.

Anne Reid ... Celia
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Edward Ashley ... William
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Tony Gardner ... John
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Christina Tam ... Nurse
Declan Wilson ... Consultant
Adam Jowett ... Clerk (as James Jowett)
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
Hugh O'Brien ... Architect
Darren Whitfield ... Architect

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00That was the most selfish, mindless piece of driving I have ever witnessed.
00:06Keep your air on, I'll be less than 60 seconds.
00:08Get in that smelty bitch.
00:10Some brain-dead low-life trailer trash stole my parking space.
00:13You met my daughter.
00:15Sorry?
00:16Now then, we've got some news for you.
00:18We're getting married.
00:22You're very pretty.
00:23You're magnificent.
00:24You're dead.
00:29This marriage is over!
00:31It is dead!
00:32It is redundant!
00:33It never was!
00:35We made love.
00:36It was my birthday.
00:37We were both a bit pissed.
00:38He's in hospital.
00:39He was rushed in last night.
00:41He had a heart attack.
00:43Did I come to see you last night?
00:46Alan!
00:47Or am I dreaming?
00:49Yes, you did.
00:53You came to see me.
00:55I love you.
01:23He's come round.
01:48He's regained consciousness.
01:50Oh no!
01:52Gillian's just in with him just now.
01:54She's just chatting to him.
01:56Alan's come round.
01:59And are they...
02:01Is he, um...
02:02Are they confident he's going to...
02:04Well, I mean, it's his early days,
02:06but he seems very perky.
02:09You mustn't tire him.
02:10I'm not going to tire him.
02:17I love you.
02:19I love you.
02:22I think I love Celia as well.
02:24So do I.
02:25You can keep your hands off her.
02:27She's mine.
02:40What are you going to do?
02:41Are you going to stay with us here or are you...
02:43Oh, I think I'd like to be on hand
02:45over the next few days,
02:47just so we know what's what.
02:49I mean, if that's...
02:50This is wonderful.
02:51It's perfect.
02:52Do you want me to drive over to Harrogate
02:54to do your things?
02:55Oh, no, no.
02:56You don't want to be setting off.
02:57You need to be here.
02:59No, I'll get Lady Muck to bring over a few bits and pieces.
03:02She won't mind.
03:04Celia.
03:05What?
03:06I just...
03:08Can I just...
03:09What, love?
03:10Hug you.
03:11Oh!
03:14Thank you for making him so happy.
03:17And thank you for bringing him back.
03:19Do you know,
03:21I think I did.
03:23I know you did.
03:25You mustn't fall out with him again.
03:27Oh, well,
03:28it was him that fell out with me.
03:30Yeah, well, whatever.
03:31You know what I'm saying.
03:33I am never going to fall out with him again.
03:36Ever.
03:37About anything.
03:39LAUGHTER
04:02There you go, ladies.
04:03Oh, you're a gem and a star.
04:05Thanks, love.
04:06I've penned out you up on her own, ain't I, Barn?
04:08And I've made a lasagne.
04:09Hey, there's enough for everybody.
04:10Caroline wants some when she gets here.
04:12Have you any idea how good he's been?
04:14It's me.
04:15Are you packing me that suitcase?
04:17I have packed you that suitcase.
04:19Robbie says he'll have a bit of supper ready for you
04:21when you get here, if you like.
04:23Oh, that's lovely.
04:24Thank you, Tellem.
04:25And Gillian says you're welcome to stop the night,
04:27if you don't fancy turning round and driving straight back.
04:30OK.
04:31Great, why not?
04:33So, see you in a bit.
04:34Yeah, bye.
04:35Drive carefully.
04:37I will. Bye-bye.
04:40Why don't I pop over with her bits and pieces?
04:42You?
04:43Well, it'll save you time and...
04:44Best thing you can do if you want to be useful
04:46is stay here with the boys.
04:48Cos I might stay over there.
04:49Why?
04:50Just tonight.
04:51Why not?
04:52They're old enough to...
04:54Why don't I come with you?
04:55Come what for?
04:58Well, so I can apologise to everyone for...
05:02Well, it was all my fault, wasn't it?
05:04How?
05:05Well, if I hadn't told Celia about you being...
05:09And then if she hadn't reacted so badly to that,
05:12Alan wouldn't have seen how small-minded and bigoted she can be.
05:16And then if they hadn't fallen out about that,
05:19he might not have got upset and had...
05:21Had... Had the...
05:23The heart attack.
05:26But it really is all about you, isn't it?
05:28That's... That's just...
05:30When I get back, they really do need to work out what's what
05:32and who's is what and all the rest of it.
05:36Boys!
05:38I'm off over to Halifax.
05:43Dad's going to be here.
05:46I'm on my mobile, if you want me.
05:48I'll see you later.
06:03PHONE RINGS
06:19Mum!
06:20You've got text.
06:33PHONE RINGS
06:52Halifax?
06:53Yeah, he's come round. He's regained consciousness.
06:56Oh!
06:58Yeah, he's going to be fine.
07:00Well, we hope.
07:02I know.
07:03Fantastic.
07:04So I'll be back tomorrow.
07:07Oh.
07:08So we're not doing anything tonight, then?
07:12Well, we left it up in the air, didn't we?
07:16So is that all right?
07:18Yeah.
07:19Yeah.
07:20Yeah, of course.
07:22We'll do something tomorrow.
07:25Good.
07:32Can I just check your blood pressure, Mr Buttershaw?
07:36Oh.
07:38How are you feeling?
07:40I'm very happy.
07:42I was watching you, you and your wife.
07:44You're just so completely in love with each other, aren't you?
07:47She's not my wife yet, but I do think we need to get on with it.
07:53We are popping back to the hospital again, aren't we, Gillian?
07:56This evening?
07:57Absolutely.
07:58Yeah, I'd like to.
07:59Do you need me to come?
08:00Why? Have you got plans?
08:02Ellie.
08:03Who?
08:05Girlfriend.
08:06She's not my girlfriend.
08:07You running rings around you again?
08:09She's not like that.
08:10What is she like?
08:11Just blow on cold.
08:13Oh, you don't want that.
08:14Life's too short.
08:15We're just mates.
08:17She uses you.
08:18She don't use me.
08:19She damn well does.
08:20Once.
08:21What happened?
08:22Nothing.
08:23They had a date.
08:24Date.
08:25Only she stood him up because she got a better offer.
08:27Yeah, nice.
08:28Bitch.
08:29That ain't what happened.
08:30Is.
08:31How would you describe it?
08:33Well, I've been minding my own business.
08:36John.
08:37What's he want?
08:40Hello?
08:41Celia, hi.
08:42What's up?
08:44Just ringing to let you know that Caroline's just set off.
08:47Just now.
08:48Right.
08:49Probably be with you in an hour, hour and a half.
08:52Right.
08:53How is he?
08:54Alan?
08:55Well, it's early days, but he's conscious anyway.
08:59Didn't she tell you?
09:00Good.
09:01Yes, she did.
09:03Is.
09:04Could I, um.
09:06Is Gillian there?
09:07Gillian?
09:08Yes, she's here and Raph and Robbie.
09:10Could I, could I speak to her?
09:12Gillian?
09:13Yes.
09:14What for?
09:15Well, just, just.
09:18It's John.
09:19He's asking to speak to you.
09:22Oh, wow.
09:26Hello?
09:27Gillian?
09:28Yes.
09:29It's John.
09:31Yes.
09:32Hi.
09:33Yes?
09:34Look, sorry.
09:36I realise you're cross with me.
09:39Am I?
09:40Yeah.
09:41Aren't you?
09:42For getting drunk and making a fuss and spilling the beans about Caroline to Celia and.
09:46Oh.
09:47So forth.
09:48Well, it's all water under the bridge now, so.
09:50Good, good.
09:51Is it?
09:52It's gone unforgotten.
09:53Good.
09:54Well, that's good.
09:56Bye then.
09:57No, wait.
10:00Then there's the other thing.
10:02The other thing?
10:04Could we, I.
10:06I'd like to see you again.
10:08Right.
10:09Well, that's, that's not.
10:11The thing is.
10:13Oh, God.
10:15Hello?
10:17I think I'm a little bit in love with you.
10:20Right.
10:21Right.
10:22Okay.
10:25Well, that's.
10:27Not exactly my problem as such, is it?
10:32You can't talk, obviously.
10:35There is that.
10:37Maybe, could we meet up?
10:39Somewhere?
10:40Sometime?
10:41No.
10:42I don't mind popping over.
10:44Did you get my text message?
10:46Please don't say no.
10:48I don't think I could.
10:49Okay, so should I give you back to Celia?
10:51No, no, no.
10:52No, no, no.
10:53I don't need to speak to Celia again.
10:54No?
10:55Okay.
10:56Ta-da then.
10:57Gillian, Gillian.
10:58This is.
10:59My dad's in hospital, John.
11:01We've got a lot on just now at this end.
11:05Of course.
11:06Of course you do.
11:07Sorry.
11:08Sure.
11:09It's just.
11:10Boys alright?
11:11Boys are fine.
11:12Okay.
11:13Bye.
11:14Bye.
11:15Bye.
11:16Bye bye.
11:22Dad?
11:23What's the tea?
11:24Nothing.
11:25I don't know.
11:26Hi, Judith.
11:27It's me.
11:28Are you doing anything this evening?
11:29No.
11:30No.
11:31No.
11:32No.
11:33No.
11:34No.
11:35No.
11:36No.
11:37No.
11:38No.
11:39No.
11:40No.
11:41No.
11:42No.
11:43No.
11:44No.
11:45No.
11:46No.
11:47No.
11:48No.
11:49No.
11:50No.
11:52He said I can come home on Monday, Doctor.
11:55All things being equal.
11:57That's amazing.
12:01What else has he said?
12:03Oh, a few do's and don'ts.
12:06Like?
12:09Usual.
12:11Oh, come on.
12:12No enjoying yourself.
12:13No singing, no dancing.
12:15No fighting.
12:16No farting.
12:19Different pills.
12:20No.
12:21Just saying.
12:23He told me there'd been damage to the muscle.
12:29Yeah, well, it's sorted itself out.
12:34I will be talking to the consultant myself again, Dad.
12:37In case you were thinking about trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes with your medical rhetoric.
12:43Why don't we take Caroline and see if we can't find her a cup of tea somewhere?
12:48That's a good plan.
12:50See you in a bit, then.
12:56It is nice to see you.
12:58Yeah, it's nice to see you as well, love.
13:01Bitter cake.
13:10I've been thinking.
13:12So have I.
13:13How come we should...
13:14Just get on with your wedding.
13:16Great minds.
13:17Book of the practicalities.
13:19Like where we might live.
13:20Let's just...
13:21Book a registrar and get on with it and worry about everything else afterwards.
13:25What do you think?
13:27What about a venue?
13:28I don't know.
13:29I don't care.
13:30Neither do I.
13:32We can get married in the car park of the dog and duck for all I care.
13:36And not tell anyone until it's all over and done with.
13:40Anyone?
13:42Anyone.
13:44Well, that'll get round the best man is you very nicely.
13:48Well, we need witnesses.
13:50Won't there be folk passing?
13:52It's appealing to me.
13:53Yes, I can see.
13:56What did the consultant say?
13:58Just what I've said.
14:00Why is it that trying to get information out of a man is like trying to get blood out of a stone?
14:06I'm A1.
14:07No, you're not A1.
14:09You've had a heart attack.
14:11I'm A1.
14:17I think I was more upset when I heard about Alan than I was when my dad died.
14:22God, that's an awful thing to say, except you had to mention my dad.
14:25So in some ways it was very lethal.
14:29Do you think people can die from a broken heart?
14:35I thought that was what was happening.
14:39Of course, I couldn't say that to the consultant.
14:42He'd have laughed.
14:43Or given you that look they do where they feel sorry for you for being thick.
14:48You've probably never heard that.
14:53How's Kate?
14:54Yeah, she's... she's, um...
14:57What?
14:59Oh, it's all, um...
15:03Like everybody suddenly knows and I didn't want it to be like that.
15:07I mean, I don't think we know what we are yet exactly.
15:10And everybody's gawping at you like they're expecting you to make an announcement.
15:14Exactly that.
15:15Sod them. Let them deal with it.
15:19Yeah.
15:21Yeah.
15:29I need to tell you this thing.
15:32Okay.
15:33Okay.
15:36You probably think I'm a complete dipstick when I've told you,
15:39but I'd rather be up front about it and then, you know,
15:42and then we can either move forward or not.
15:48Okay, so, um, first of all,
15:52I don't regret it.
15:53I don't regret anything. I make a point of never regretting things.
15:59However...
16:00You've slept with John.
16:04I was pissed.
16:06It was my birthday. I felt sorry for him for being such a twat.
16:11You look so pathetic.
16:15Oh, you really have slept with John?
16:27What's it like?
16:30To be honest...
16:34I don't actually remember very much about it, except that it happened.
16:40Right.
16:44Are you hating me?
16:47No.
16:51I didn't want you to find out later from someone else
16:54and think that there was any more to it than there was,
16:56because there wasn't. There really wasn't.
16:58It was one of those things you do and after you go,
17:00why did I do that?
17:03And the truth is...
17:07..I was pissed.
17:10I don't even fancy him.
17:12I mean, you know, I don't mind him, but...
17:17I'm daring to hope that this isn't going down too badly,
17:21judging by the expression on your face.
17:23I'm pleased you told me.
17:25It won't happen again.
17:26No, no, you can have him.
17:28I don't want him. No, he's quite good income.
17:30I don't care.
17:34Do you hate me?
17:36No.
17:37Are you laughing at me or with me?
17:40I don't know, I'm just, um...
17:43I don't know, I'm just laughing.
17:45You're thinking brain-dead, low-life trailer trash, aren't you?
17:50Yeah.
17:52But that's cos I'm a snotty bitch.
17:54But that's cos I'm a snotty bitch.
18:00It's good that you're taking it so well.
18:03Maybe you're in shock, maybe the implications haven't sunk in yet.
18:08Are there any?
18:10Not pregnant, are you?
18:12That really would thicken the plot.
18:17OK.
18:21So, um...
18:24when was this?
18:27At night, me dad and your mum drove back over to Harrogate.
18:31When he, you know, John had spilled the beans to her about you.
18:34Our birthday.
18:37God, right.
18:41When I was propping Judith up in casualty.
18:44Were you?
18:46Blimey.
18:49Are we cool, Vincent?
18:55Is that from something?
18:57Pulp fiction.
19:00I'm Samuel L. Jackson, you're John Travolta.
19:06Right.
19:09Then we go out and shoot some students, I think.
19:12Unless I've misremembered.
19:14Blimey.
19:24I can't help thinking how different things would have been now if he hadn't...
19:28Oh, well, you don't need to think about that now, do you?
19:33I think the world of you two.
19:35You both know that, don't you?
19:39I'll get Ketel on.
19:42OK.
19:44I'll see you later.
19:46Bye.
19:48Bye.
19:50Bye.
19:52Bye.
19:54Bye.
19:56Bye.
19:58Bye.
20:00Bye.
20:02Bye.
20:04Bye.
20:06I'll get Ketel on.
20:08Where's little, um...
20:10What's his name with the broken leg?
20:13Paul.
20:15I got shut of him. I took him to his granny's.
20:18Sit down. Get warm.
20:24I might get back off home.
20:26Oh, I thought you were stopping.
20:28I've left Don at home with the boys, which I'm not thrilled about.
20:32I don't want him to think I need him for anything, because I don't.
20:35He rang earlier, John. I don't know why.
20:37Oh, to say he'd set off.
20:40Seemed like an excuse. He has to speak to Gillian.
20:43I don't know why.
20:45I've been thinking, how would you feel
20:49if, when he comes out of hospital,
20:51we came to live at my little flat?
20:54I'd feel fine about it.
20:56You see, the thing is, you know, my dad died of a heart attack
20:59climbing the stairs.
21:01The doctor told him not to,
21:03but of course said, oh, he'll be all right, and that was it.
21:07He did not want to contradict her.
21:10He went as white as a sheet.
21:13Mum, it's your home.
21:15It's absolutely fine by me.
21:18What does Gillian think?
21:20See, I've no stairs.
21:22There's nothing but stairs here.
21:24And steep ones at that.
21:26OK.
21:28I've not broached him with it yet.
21:31Gillian, he might have other ideas.
21:33OK.
21:35Right.
21:38Is everybody warm enough?
21:40I'm going to get going.
21:43OK.
21:45I've a pile of paperwork to get through,
21:48and ring me if you want anything.
21:51I'll see you out.
21:53Sure.
21:57See you.
21:58See you.
22:02Oh, shit.
22:04Are you all right?
22:06Yeah.
22:08Is there something up between you and Gillian?
22:17She slept with John.
22:21She just told me that night,
22:23my birthday, her birthday,
22:26when he was over here shooting his mouth off.
22:30You and Alan set off over to Harrogate.
22:33I was propping Judith up in casualty,
22:36and they ended up in bed together.
22:39I mean, she's told me because she feels bad about it
22:41and she was drunk and she wishes it hadn't happened, but...
22:47I don't know. How do people do that?
22:50Why is everything so casual and meaningless and...
22:54I can't leave. I need to be near him.
22:57No, I didn't...
23:00I know that. I don't expect you to. I was...
23:03Sorry, I just think I'm a little bit shocked, that's all.
23:06Don't say anything.
23:08No.
23:11Do you think before Judith, John was...
23:14I see it was all unsundry.
23:17Like your dad.
23:20I don't know, love.
23:23Ring me. Yes.
23:27Don't say anything.
23:29Oh, don't worry.
23:31It's all right.
24:02Everything all right?
24:05I thought I might turn in early, if it's all right.
24:08Sure. Of course.
24:10You do what you need to do.
24:12That for me? Yeah.
24:15Is it all right if I...?
24:18Of course.
24:24Night-night, love.
24:26Night-night.
24:31Good night.
25:02DOOR CREAKS
25:09Ready, Mr Buttershaw?
25:11I've been ready since six o'clock this morning.
25:14Have you heck not sat there in your coat?
25:18Still, wouldn't be first time you get me waiting.
25:24You're never going to let that drop, are you?
25:27I might do, one day.
25:29If you play your cards right.
25:59I resolved, first time it happened,
26:01that I were going to live life differently.
26:04And I did. Oh, no.
26:06I got in touch with you, didn't I, for instance?
26:09But now...
26:12Now you're going to take things steady.
26:15No, God, no.
26:17Now I'm going to really start living.
26:20What do you think I'm doing, sat up here?
26:23Well, you know what the consultant just said.
26:26Oh, bugger that.
26:28OK. So what have you got planned?
26:31Anything. All sorts.
26:33Such as?
26:35Have you ever fancied skiing?
26:38No. Have you?
26:42LAUGHTER
26:45Never. God!
26:47Well, that's that dealt with, then.
26:50We used to come up here on bikes.
26:53Me and Molly Cenari and Joe Riley.
26:57You could get all the way to Greekland from Top of Barkisn
27:00without pedalling once.
27:02I know you could, because...
27:04It were like floating through there.
27:06Because me and Eileen and Dorian Wilkinson
27:09and our mural used to do just the same.
27:12Did you? Yeah, well, yeah.
27:15I always used to think you were a bit smitten with Joe Riley.
27:18Joe?
27:20No.
27:22Although he was very good-looking.
27:24I always thought he had the look of Errol Flynn.
27:27But clever.
27:28He went to work for Nasser, didn't he?
27:30He did. He was made a fellow at Royal Society.
27:33Then off he went to Altadema, California.
27:36Brain drain.
27:38He were my best man.
27:40When Eileen and I got wed.
27:42Oh.
27:43Did he keep in touch?
27:45Well, he did.
27:47Every Christmas.
27:49And the occasional letter in between.
27:51He popped over once or twice to see his mother,
27:54but we always caught up.
27:57I always fancied popping over there,
27:59but it never happened.
28:02He had Parkinson's at finish.
28:08We came up here to scatter my dad's ashes.
28:12Me and me mum.
28:14We drove over from Sheffield
28:16and we had Caroline in the pushchair.
28:201969.
28:24He loved up here, me dad.
28:27It was the right farce.
28:29We thought it would be like powder, but it wasn't.
28:32It was more like grit granules.
28:35And it got everywhere.
28:38We just couldn't get rid of it.
28:41We hadn't thought it through.
28:43Well, she hadn't, me mother.
28:46And we hadn't got permission.
28:48Well, we didn't know you needed it.
28:51Perhaps you didn't then, I don't know.
28:56I don't know what my mum and dad would have thought about me and you.
29:01Actually, I do.
29:03They'd have been over the moon.
29:05They'd have been thrilled to bits with you.
29:10Do you fancy a pint?
29:14It's only just gone half past eleven.
29:16You've only been out of hospital a half an hour.
29:18So what?
29:19You know, Tom, well, so what?
29:21Would you fancy popping over to registry office first, then?
29:27Are we serious
29:30about not telling anyone till it's over and done with?
29:35Well, I am, yeah.
30:16So, that's a fortnight tomorrow at 11am.
30:22Shall I put that on a card for you?
30:47Well, good job you texted me or I'd have been wondering where you were.
30:52Is it wise to go gallivanting when you've only just been discharged?
30:56I just wanted to see Ladstone Rock.
30:59And then we fancied a pint.
31:01Oh, so you went via Aberdeen?
31:04That's right.
31:06Have you set a date?
31:07Sorry?
31:08For what?
31:09For your wedding.
31:11Oh, I'm sorry.
31:14Have you set a date?
31:15Sorry?
31:16For a wedding?
31:17Oh, no, love.
31:19No.
31:20Alan needs to concentrate on getting fit again first
31:24before we start thinking of anything like that.
31:26Shall we get kettle on and then me and Celia
31:29have got something to run past, yeah?
31:36Harrogate, I've no stairs.
31:39And you're out on the farm all day or down at the shop
31:43whereas I can see to him 24-7.
31:45That's what I'm thinking.
31:48Well, that's very kind of you, but...
31:51And it's not like it's forever.
31:53I mean, we do intend to buy eventually.
31:57OK.
31:58And soon.
31:59And when we do, it'll more than likely be around here.
32:02Well, we've not discussed that yet.
32:04No, no, but...
32:06And it's not a million miles away, Harrogate, is it?
32:10No, it's not, but...
32:12And you'd be more than welcome any time you fancied to pop over.
32:16See, it is nice.
32:18The house and Celia's little flat.
32:21I'm sure it is, Dad.
32:23I just...
32:27So, when were you thinking of...?
32:30Erm, what, tomorrow?
32:32Tomorrow?
32:34Does Caroline know?
32:36She's fine about it.
32:38I see.
32:41So...
32:44Well, it just seems a bit sudden.
32:49But, well, yeah, if it's what you want.
32:51Well, I thought it would be a weight off your mind.
32:54You'll be 60 miles away.
32:55Oh, no, it's actually more like 40.
32:5940, 60.
33:01You're in good hands.
33:03Yeah, I understand that, Celia.
33:06You'll have to pretend I'm on holiday.
33:10All right.
33:14How about if I popped over with you, just quickly, just tomorrow,
33:19just to make sure you settled in all right and everything...?
33:23Sure.
33:25Right.
33:28I'll get Kettle on.
33:31Oh.
33:34I've got my new hat.
33:36Mm-hm.
33:37So, that's that bit covered.
33:39Mm-hm.
33:40Something old, something new.
33:42What's so much old we've not got?
33:45Well, we're both old.
33:47Are we?
33:48Well, you are, I'm not.
33:52I started counting backwards when I got to 36.
33:56So, how old does that make you now, then?
34:00Minus three.
34:02Fancy!
34:04We had a very interesting experience in 1988,
34:08when me and our Caroline were both 22.
34:12That must have taken some explaining.
34:14Yeah, not really.
34:17Something borrowed.
34:20What could borrow a bowtie off Maurice?
34:23He, then, ought to be very dapper.
34:26He could and you would,
34:27but then he'd want to know why you were borrowing it.
34:29You know what a nosy old bugger he is.
34:31I could lie.
34:32I could say, I've been invited to a cocktail party in Manhattan.
34:36Mm-hm, he'd believe that.
34:38Well, he'd want to come with me.
34:40Well, tell him to sod off.
34:42OK.
34:44He's somewhat blue.
34:46Bookie magazine.
34:50Have you got any?
34:51No.
34:52Have you?
34:53Oh, yeah, got loads.
35:00No, I haven't.
35:23HORN BLOWS
35:54She slept with John.
35:57Who?
35:58Gillian.
36:00That night, when we drove over here,
36:02and he'd been there shooting his mouth off
36:04about Caroline batting for the other side.
36:07Slept with him?
36:09Had sex with him.
36:12How do you know?
36:13Caroline told me.
36:15Well, how does she know?
36:17Gillian told her, apparently.
36:20What for?
36:22Well, because...
36:24I don't know. I think because she regretted it.
36:28I don't know why I've told you.
36:31Well, except it's bothered me.
36:35Sorry, I don't want to burden you with it.
36:38It's not... I mean, I'm not...
36:40I'm just a bit befuddled with it myself, really.
36:44And plus, I don't want to see her get hurt.
36:48Gillian.
36:50God.
36:51He's a bugger, is John.
36:59Gillian's coming.
37:01Gillian?
37:03Yes.
37:05And Kate's here.
37:08What's... What's Gillian coming here for?
37:10Would you like some tea?
37:11Oh.
37:12Hi, John.
37:14What's Gillian coming here for?
37:16Alan's moving into my mum's to recuperate,
37:18and I think she wants to see him settled in.
37:20So, is... Is she staying long?
37:23I don't know. You'll have to ask her yourself.
37:25Oh, and Kate's moving in.
37:28I'll get my things out the car.
37:30Lawrence, can you help Kate with her things?
37:33That's... You can't expect me to...
37:35She's got her own house.
37:36What does she want to move in here for?
37:38John, after I came back here on Saturday night
37:41and found what I found,
37:42I'm amazed you could begin to imagine
37:44that you have anything to say at all about what other people do.
37:47Judith...
37:48Judith needs help.
37:49Judith and I are not an item.
37:51Well, you're going to fool me.
37:53I will not be made to feel like a sodding gooseberry in my own house.
37:57That... That was...
37:58You have nothing to say.
38:05What time are they getting here?
38:18Hello, me.
38:20My little apartment's round the back, Gillian.
38:26Doing all right for yourself here, Dad, eh?
38:30What's that?
38:31I thought we were plumbing debts with Susan Chattery's lad.
38:34But John, he's practically your brother-in-law.
38:38Although you told me you and Robbie were more or less an item.
38:41What did... Who?
38:42Celia told me.
38:43Caroline told her.
38:44You told Caroline.
38:45I told Caroline because I felt bad about it.
38:47I was pissed.
38:48It was my birthday.
38:51Robbie Archer...
38:52Are we going in?
38:53Yeah. Yeah, let me.
38:55I'll lead the way.
38:59It didn't mean anything.
39:01It was rubbish.
39:02It was ridiculous.
39:03I just felt sorry for him.
39:06Get up.
39:08Get up.
39:10Get up.
39:11Get up.
39:13What am I?
39:14Come on, don't hold back.
39:17A pillock.
39:19Oh, OK.
39:21I thought you were going to say something worse.
39:22I was.
39:23Yeah, whatever.
39:26I should have put my things in your bedroom.
39:29Is that...?
39:30Of course it is.
39:32How permanent is this?
39:36We need to sit down and have the conversation properly
39:38and not when we've been rushed into it.
39:40But it's...
39:41Yeah.
39:42If...
39:44If...
39:46Yeah.
39:48If it's what you want.
39:50Do you need to ask?
39:57Hello?
39:58We're back. We've arrived.
40:00Good.
40:01They've arrived.
40:02I'll pop round.
40:03There's something I need to tell you.
40:05Right.
40:06Ta-ta.
40:08She's popping round.
40:11What's up?
40:14It's just a disappointment, isn't it?
40:17An ongoing disappointment.
40:19And for the record, he's not my brother-in-law,
40:21because A, you're not married yet,
40:24and two, him and Caroline are getting divorced.
40:28It's ipso facto, QED, not my brother-in-law.
40:32I said not to say anything.
40:34Aye, well, I did.
40:35Can we all just get it into our little heads?
40:38That I regret it and it won't happen again.
40:42Would you like that written down?
40:43In triplicate?
40:45What for?
40:47Wouldn't mean out.
40:50Dad, I'm going to get upset.
40:52Well, what do you expect?
40:55She were pregnant when she were 15.
41:00Dad?
41:01Broke Eileen's heart.
41:03Perhaps she didn't know that.
41:04Hi.
41:07Hello.
41:09Hello, love.
41:10How was your journey?
41:14It was fine.
41:15Good?
41:18Everything?
41:20I'll put the kettle on in a minute.
41:22I'm cooking for everyone.
41:23It'll be about half an hour, if that's...
41:25Perfect, love.
41:26It's matching.
41:27So, I just need to...
41:29tell you something.
41:32Kate's here.
41:33You're going to have to bear with me.
41:34I didn't plan this exactly to coincide.
41:37Only when I got back here on Saturday night, Judith was here.
41:41Jesus.
41:42Shit!
41:44I thought...
41:45he said a urine was...
41:47Where is it?
41:49Ouch!
41:52I'm glad you're okay.
41:53I can't hold it.
41:55I can't hold it in.
41:57I just can't hold it in!
41:58I can't hold it in!
42:01I can't hold it in!
42:03I can't hold it in!
42:05I can't hold it in!
42:07I can't hold it in!
42:08Where is it?
42:10Huddersfield.
42:12Halifax.
42:14What's the matter?
42:16What's happened?
42:18Not fallen down the stairs again, have you, silly cat?
42:20Caroline's here.
42:22What?
42:24Caroline's in Halifax.
42:26Where are the boys?
42:28They're around.
42:30What are you doing here? You're supposed to be...
42:32They've been playing music real loud and they've been making
42:34noisy noise. And they were throwing stuff around
42:36in the kitchen and then they went upstairs
42:38in your bedroom. That kid needs to line up.
42:40But you were going to be away all night.
42:42Oh, God, don't
42:44snivel. It's hardly that bad.
42:46Get your
42:48coats on. Get in my car.
42:50I'll be back in the morning and I don't care how you do it
42:52but that kitchen better be as spotless as it was
42:54when I left here this afternoon.
42:56Oi, you have friends
42:58round. I have friends round.
43:00You have traumatised
43:02our children. I have?
43:04What about you? You've scarred them for life.
43:06You know what?
43:08I'm actually starting to feel a bit queasy.
43:10This is nothing compared to
43:12what you're actively inflicting on them,
43:14you mad old dyke. And bollocks
43:16to you with your this kitchen better be
43:18spotless. I don't know why I'm even
43:20bothering to remind you, but I will.
43:22This house, this house
43:24was paid for almost entirely
43:26with money I earned when I was on the
43:28bestseller list.
43:34I'll see you in the morning. Yeah.
43:36Whatever.
43:38So I
43:40took the boys round to Kate's
43:42for the night and
43:44John was pretty appalled
43:46to be fair to him on Sunday morning.
43:48He had tried to tidy the kitchen
43:50up but he wasn't really in any
43:52fit state to stand up for any length of time
43:54until the early evening so I had to help
43:56him. Then I
43:58asked him if he would move out
44:00so that we could all move on with our
44:02lives but he's still refusing to do that
44:04so I have asked Kate
44:06to move in in the hope that at some
44:08point he will get the message.
44:10So
44:12that's why Kate's here,
44:14okay?
44:24Where's Caroline? Next door.
44:28Is
44:30Gillian staying for supper?
44:32I don't know.
44:36What are you
44:38cooking? It's
44:40I don't know, Caroline's in charge
44:42I'm just... What's she doing next door?
44:44I... God, I can't stand
44:46this. This is
44:48my house, I live here.
44:50Is she...
44:52She better not be. What?
44:54Telling people things
44:56about me.
44:58I'm not gonna be made to feel like
45:00whatever
45:02in my own house.
45:04I have no opinion
45:06on that.
45:12It's a message, John.
45:14As long as nobody's
45:16under any illusions.
45:18Caroline,
45:20I'm gonna get
45:22her phone. Okay.
45:24Ring me
45:26if you want anything.
45:28Right.
45:30Right, thanks.
45:32See you.
45:34Okay, love.
45:36Okay, love.
45:44Oh.
45:52Gillian?
45:54Oh, sorry, I
45:56need to get home.
45:58What's the matter? Nothing.
46:00Come inside.
46:02No, no, I'll go.
46:04I'll go.
46:06What's happened? It's fine, it's fine.
46:08I'm just leaving him here, 60,
46:1040 miles from home.
46:12You should look after him.
46:14I know that. And I'll
46:16keep an eye on everything. I know,
46:18I know you will. You can come here any time you like.
46:20I know, I know, I know.
46:22Why did you tell your mum?
46:26Is that what's...
46:28She told me dad
46:30and he's... Did she?
46:32I'm sorry, I just...
46:34I just couldn't...
46:36Just...
46:38Couldn't...
46:40No, don't. It's not my own
46:42stupid fault anyway, isn't it?
46:44Is he upset?
46:46Oh, God.
46:48I'm sorry.
46:50No, it's...
46:54He said something about
46:56my mum.
46:58What's that?
47:00I broke her heart,
47:02apparently,
47:04when I was 15.
47:06I did.
47:08I know I did.
47:10I got pregnant.
47:12I had to leave school at the time.
47:14You know, I went back later
47:16to do my A-levels, but it never
47:18worked out, so...
47:20All
47:22very disappointing for them.
47:24So, yep,
47:26that's me.
47:28They have a baby?
47:30No, no.
47:32Abortion.
47:34Sorry, I am sorry.
47:36I don't know why I told her.
47:38I just had it on my brain and, you know,
47:40she's my mum and...
47:42It'll blow over.
47:44Yeah, will it?
47:46It's just bad timing with his...
47:48Yeah, sorry.
47:50I'll get off.
47:52I'll ring you.
47:54I wasn't accusing you.
47:56Really, no.
48:04Why am I apologising?
48:10Sacked her out, yes.
48:26Shit.
48:38Gillian!
48:40Shit!
48:42I need to talk to you.
48:44Yeah, well, I don't need to talk to you.
48:46In fact, not right now.
48:48I can't.
48:50You can't treat people like this.
48:52You can't ignore my texts
48:54and hang up on me on the phone.
48:56Can you get out my Land Rover, please?
48:58We had sex.
49:00Yes, we did!
49:02Boy, am I paying for it now!
49:04You came on to me.
49:06Not!
49:08So forgive... Yes, you did.
49:10You...
49:12I tentatively explained that I had feelings for you.
49:14You said, shall we go upstairs?
49:16So forgive me for thinking that we'd embarked
49:18on some sort of relationship.
49:20OK, right, right.
49:22And then, the same night,
49:24you're here, in bed,
49:26with Judith, apparently,
49:28who you claim to hate.
49:30She told you, Caroline, she... Yes!
49:32Well, isn't it obvious?
49:34Not to me. I'm floundering.
49:36What? You won't speak to me.
49:38She's decided she's a dyke.
49:40The boys think I'm ridiculous.
49:42Oh, no, they don't. Do they?
49:44I've got nothing.
49:46She's moved her insipid little girlfriend in,
49:48and her mad mother.
49:50So now I'm the one who...
49:52Oh, shit.
49:54I'm going to have to knock to get back in.
49:56Oh!
49:58Bless. Yeah, it's all so funny, isn't it?
50:00I'm sorry.
50:02I'm all over the place.
50:04I can't think straight, and then, God!
50:06I end up in another tawdry mess
50:08with that ridiculous woman, in front of the children.
50:10You know, people commit suicide
50:12with less than this eating away inside their brain.
50:14Is it...
50:16that bad?
50:18Just drop me.
50:20Why?
50:24It's been brewing for a while.
50:26I got an email last week.
50:30Well, um, is there...
50:32someone you can
50:34talk to about it?
50:36No, not really. It's not something you want to tell to just anyone.
50:38My agent, he's not returned my call,
50:40so that's...
50:42You see, before, Caroline would have been really
50:44good about something like that.
50:46Put it in a context that she'd have
50:48thrown her light on it.
50:50She could be a really good person
50:52to have in your corner.
50:54Yeah, well, shame you're unfaithful to her.
50:58Sorry.
51:00Everything's just such a mess.
51:02What did you mean
51:04when you said,
51:06and boy, am I paying for it now?
51:08Well, OK.
51:10They all know
51:12that we...
51:15Do they?
51:17Well, is that...
51:20such a bad thing?
51:22Could we...
51:24No.
51:26It was a mistake.
51:28It should never have happened.
51:30I have to go, John.
51:32I'm sorry
51:34about your publisher, but, you know,
51:36we've all got crosses to bear.
51:38I don't know how much longer I can afford to keep Farm going
51:40the way things are at the moment.
51:42Why?
51:44Oh, money.
51:46Really?
51:48That's my problem.
51:50So, what if I popped over
51:52sometime?
51:54Would that be completely...
51:56I'm seeing Robbie.
51:58I thought you hated Robbie.
52:00Yeah, I thought you hated Judith.
52:12Thanks.
52:14I think you look very well.
52:28What are you doing outside?
52:30I...
52:32Does it matter?
52:38You want something to eat?
52:40Is there enough?
52:42I need to find a chair.
53:00Hello.
53:02Hi, Alan. How's...
53:04Are you...
53:06All fighting fit.
53:08That's good.
53:10Would you like...?
53:12Well, perhaps just a small one.
53:18Get you a glass?
53:38Bye-bye!
53:40Bye-bye!
53:42Bye-bye!
53:56Can you sit down, please?
54:00On you go!
54:02Bye-bye!
54:08Bye-bye!
54:16Here you go.
54:38Bye-bye!
54:46Oh, sorry.
54:48I've got to take this.
54:54Hello, Gillian.
54:56Are you busy?
54:58I'm in a meeting.
55:00All right. Well, I'm sorry, but...
55:02This might be urgent.
55:04Why?
55:06Well, um...
55:08At home, as far as I know.
55:10So you've...
55:12So...
55:14No-one's been in...
55:16I've had a card...
55:18Behind...
55:20A cushion on our settee.
55:22And it's from Calderdale Registry Office.
55:24An appointment card.
55:26They've got an appointment
55:28to get married at...
55:3011 o'clock this morning.
55:32You're kidding!
55:34Have they not said anything?
55:36To you?
55:38No.
55:40I've tried his mobile. I've tried hers.
55:42I can be there
55:44if you can. I'll probably
55:46overtake them on the M62.
55:48They're little buggers.
55:50But...
55:52Presumably, they don't want us there.
55:54And presumably, that's the point.
55:56Has he not said
55:58anything to you at all?
56:00I've spoken
56:02to him twice on the phone.
56:04In the last
56:06two weeks since he came to live at yours.
56:08All of it. Very functory.
56:10Not exactly flavour
56:12of the month at the moment, am I?
56:14Still?
56:16It's just a bit
56:18much, isn't it?
56:20Our parents are getting married and
56:22they don't even want us there.
56:24Perhaps they don't want a fuss.
56:26Gillian, I'm going to have to go.
56:28I'm chairing a meeting.
56:30Sorry, is that alright? Can I ring you?
56:32Boo.
56:58Shall we get married and not tell anyone?
57:12Are you doing anything this weekend?
57:14What did you have in mind? All sorts.
57:16I want a baby.
57:18No.
57:20Not Caroline.
57:22I'm serious.
57:24You're just
57:26He's not my
57:28grandad. We'd have never carried
57:30on like that at that age, would we?
57:32Don't go.
57:34Dad. I don't know how you
57:36can fashion talking to your dad
57:38like this when you know how
57:40poorly he's been.
57:56You
57:58You
58:00You
58:02You
58:04You
58:06You
58:08You
58:10You
58:12You