deaddogsmoking
deaddogsmoking
  • 12 hours ago
First broadcast 25th January 2015.

Alan begins to distance himself from Gary while Gillian discovers that their private family matter has just gone public.

Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Felix Johnson ... Angus
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Anne Reid ... Celia
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Katherine Rose Morley ... Ellie
Rupert Graves ... Gary
Tony Gardner ... John
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Cara Theobold ... Holly
Meriel Scholfield ... Beverley
Nicholas Camm ... Sergeant
Chord Melodic ... Constable (as Chris Michael-Hall)
Marcus Garvey ... Greg
Jaz Martin ... Ollie

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00You're going to have to decide on a name for this baby.
00:03Flora.
00:04I can't stand her crying.
00:06It's not even ours.
00:11It's not worth it.
00:12It's not worth it!
00:13Now he's asked me to marry him, and I've said yes.
00:16Can you? Knowing you married his brother.
00:19But I'm the one who always has to do the ringing up.
00:22That's the father. He's an idiot.
00:24I couldn't have a look at her, could I?
00:27That wasn't the plan, was it?
00:29I don't want to give up my job.
00:30Would you really hate it if I got a nanny?
00:32A good nanny, a really good, expensive, proper nanny.
00:35I wouldn't speak to you, Karen.
00:36You've got Mary Poppins in your head.
00:38That nanny doesn't exist.
00:39Dr Elliot!
01:00That doesn't look good.
01:18Everybody be cool, this is a robbery.
01:21Any of you pricks move and I'll execute every last one of you.
01:30Watch out!
01:42Run!
02:00Run!
02:03Run for your lives!
02:29Run!
02:55Suspended?
02:56For two days. I don't want to go over it.
03:00Is this since...
03:02It's ever since I got together with Kate, which obviously is difficult, but...
03:08He was always a rebel who didn't like doing any homework,
03:11and of course John always indulged that side of things, so...
03:15I'm the wicked witch of whatever, and John's, you know...
03:20Jack Kerouac or something.
03:23Raph ever been suspended?
03:25No.
03:30I was.
03:32Once.
03:35What for?
03:36I can't tell you.
03:37Go on, why?
03:38And what about you, Mrs Goody Two-Shoes?
03:41You never, ever, ever him bother at school.
03:44I was, actually.
03:47Go on.
03:48It's bad, I never got suspended, but...
03:51I was in detention.
03:54Twice.
03:55Twice?
03:56Jesus, Kerouac.
03:59OK, this is good, this is funny.
04:02Home economics, do you remember home economics?
04:04No, we did domestic science.
04:06I was food tech there.
04:07La-di-da.
04:08Still taught by lightweights, I didn't say that.
04:10I didn't think you had.
04:12Go on.
04:13OK, home economics.
04:15I used to get so bored, I once got so bored I had a panic attack.
04:18I'm 13 and I'm having a panic attack because I'm bored out of my mind.
04:22So, anyway, one week, she's going to start soon.
04:25She's fine.
04:26Go on.
04:27OK, so, we're making Cornish pasties.
04:30Cornish pasties, why?
04:31Just buy them.
04:33So, anyway, we'd all done what we had to do and got everything in the oven and blah, blah, blah.
04:37And we realised if we pooled our resources as young ladies, we could make a few more.
04:42So we invented a new filling.
04:44We cut up some Brillo pads, a squirt of fairy, a teaspoonful of Ajax, mixed it in with the leftovers.
04:51Yes.
04:52Stuffed it in the pastry, brushed milk on the pastry, cooked them, they looked lovely.
04:57Went off to whatever class it was next and fed them to the boys who ate them.
05:01I'm sorry, but you know, they were complicit in their own downfall.
05:04I would have spat that out.
05:06Yeah, but boys, they lay out, weren't they?
05:08Exactly.
05:09Plus, they're not very bad.
05:11Oh, they're just wired differently.
05:13So, they were all sick and we got sent to the headteacher and got detention,
05:17which we all agreed afterwards was worth it because it was so funny.
05:20Well done.
05:22See? Not perfect after all.
05:25And yet, ironically, my estimation of your mum now goes through the roof.
05:31So what did you get him bothered for?
05:36Having sex in the cricket pavilion.
05:38No, you're lying.
05:39You're not going to go all Headmistressy on me.
05:41Who with?
05:43Robbie, probably.
05:45Yeah, it would have been him.
05:50See?
05:52I really should have stuck with him.
05:58Yeah.
06:02Will he come?
06:04To the wedding?
06:06I suppose it would look odd if I didn't, wouldn't it?
06:12I can't believe that my mother has gone to a football match.
06:15No, no, no.
06:18Oh, it was interminable.
06:20We thought we were going to pass out, didn't we, Alan?
06:22Oh, I can think of all the ways of spending the Saturday afternoon,
06:25champagne or no champagne.
06:27And of course, we had to pretend we'd never had so much fun.
06:30No, it wouldn't have been so bad if one of them had scored.
06:34I've had more fun at the dentist.
06:36Well, they didn't.
06:37Yeah.
06:38And Gary was thrilled.
06:39Apparently, to them, nil-nil is a good outcome.
06:43I said, how?
06:44I wish I hadn't, cos he explained.
06:47And that took another three weeks.
06:49I'm not going again.
06:50Oh, anyway, never mind that.
06:53Hey, what about you?
06:55Hey, have you had a nice afternoon, our little Flora?
06:59She's been looking at sheep.
07:01Oh, why can't you just tell Gary?
07:04Why can't you just say, why can't you just say,
07:06Why can't you just tell Gary?
07:07Why can't you just say?
07:08Why do you have to find excuses?
07:09Oh, because it's tricky.
07:12It's difficult.
07:13You know, he's a nice lad.
07:14I don't want to hurt his feelings.
07:16This is a man who can sell sand to the Arabs.
07:19Saying no is not always an option.
07:21Yeah, and that.
07:23Are you back at work yet, Carola?
07:24Yes, I've been back for two weeks.
07:26Taking on a nanny.
07:28Holly.
07:29Lovely girl.
07:31And have you been coping?
07:32Mm.
07:34Well, for the record,
07:35some of us would have loved to have spent all afternoon
07:37drinking champagne at a football match.
07:40Grandad.
07:41Only some of us were working.
07:44Hey, you love it.
07:45He loves it.
07:46PHONE RINGS
07:48Why do people always ring at mealtimes?
07:52You've not left school as well there, have you?
07:54No.
07:55Hello.
07:56It's just a sat-t job, is.
07:57Oh, hiya.
07:58But, you know, it could lead to something else.
07:59Fine, I'm fine, thanks.
08:00Not.
08:01Yeah, she's here.
08:02Why not?
08:03Who is it?
08:04What do you know?
08:05She's just here.
08:06More than you think.
08:08Gary.
08:12Gary!
08:14You can't leave us alone.
08:16How are you?
08:17Good, yeah, I'm good.
08:19Did Alan like the football?
08:20He loved it, they both did.
08:22You know, they've just been saying
08:23they can't remember when they've had so much fun.
08:27Well, maybe next time you could all come.
08:29Yeah, all of us, that'd be...
08:31We'll look forward to that.
08:35I wasn't sure, but I was worried
08:36they seemed a bit bored at one point, but...
08:38Bored? God, no.
08:40I'm glad they're...
08:42Are you doing anything on Monday, Monday lunchtime?
08:45Me? Monday lunchtime?
08:47I'm not near the calendar just this second.
08:50But there are a couple of things that wanted to run past you.
08:53OK.
08:54Listen, Gary, we're just in the middle of supper just now.
08:57I've just got a baby on my knee.
08:59Oh, sorry.
09:00So, can I ring you back?
09:02Sure, sure, sure.
09:03OK, later.
09:04Later, bye-bye.
09:05Bye-bye, bye.
09:06Bye-bye.
09:09Lunch, Monday.
09:11I've got a million and one things to do.
09:13Just tell him.
09:14He does seem very needy.
09:16Yeah, well, I really like him.
09:18I'm not criticising him, love.
09:20Maybe it just goes with the territory
09:22of somebody so successful.
09:24I suppose he's trying to come to terms
09:26with something pretty big, isn't he?
09:28You probably weren't really wanted when you arrived.
09:39Are you OK?
09:42Oh, it's just this haft.
09:45Three times he introduced me to people.
09:48This is my dad, my real dad.
09:52Then all the explanations.
09:54Don't tell me you hadn't noticed.
09:56Well, of course I noticed.
09:58Oh, yes, this is my real dad,
10:01bloke who was unfaithful to his wife.
10:04Well, he didn't put it quite that bluntly, did he?
10:07He didn't need to.
10:08Can't he see that it's embarrassing for both of us?
10:12I mean, you and me.
10:15Not him.
10:17Well, I suppose that's not how he thinks about it, is it?
10:21From Eileen's point of view.
10:23No.
10:25Oh, indeed, mine.
10:27Oh, yours.
10:31It's all about him, isn't it?
10:36You'll have to say something if it's upsetting you.
10:49Ah, you're back.
10:51Lawrence is in bed.
10:52I thought you were staying at your flat.
10:54Yeah, we were, but I think when it came to it,
10:57he preferred to sleep in his own bed.
10:59So I bought him some noise-cancelling headphones,
11:03and I think those, along with the earplugs when she starts,
11:07might help.
11:13Has she not...?
11:14No, not yet, but she will.
11:16It's only because she's been in the car.
11:19Do you want a glass of wine?
11:22No, I'm going to bed.
11:24How was Gillian?
11:25Fine.
11:26Good.
11:30Good.
11:31That's good.
11:33And how are you?
11:36How are things?
11:39Shit.
11:42But, you know,
11:44it'll get better.
11:46No, it will. Of course it will.
11:53Right, well, I'll...
11:55get my jacket.
12:07You were happy today.
12:09I saw you.
12:12Briefly.
12:17I just wanted to say, a bit ironic,
12:20now I've got the flat sorted out,
12:22but it was just to say that...
12:25we had a great day, me and Lawrence.
12:28It was nice, he was happy,
12:30we enjoyed each other's company, and...
12:35Is there an argument, bear with me,
12:39is there an argument
12:42for you and me...
12:44getting back together?
12:47No.
12:50Fair enough, I just thought...
12:51Sure.
12:52...it was worth...
12:53Yeah.
12:54...suggesting, asking,
12:57seeing what you...
13:00Well, anyway, I've put the idea out there.
13:03Perhaps it's something to dwell on.
13:05Sorry, hang on, wait a minute, what?
13:07Well?
13:08It's six weeks tomorrow that Kate died.
13:11It's less than six weeks.
13:13It's less than six weeks since Kate died.
13:15Well...
13:16Are you seriously asking me that question?
13:17As I say...
13:18God, you're like something out of a joke book, aren't you?
13:20It was just an idea, for Lawrence,
13:22and, well, for Laura.
13:23Flora, actually.
13:24Do you seriously think...
13:25You were the one who asked if I'd help out the other day.
13:27Surely, having two parents...
13:29Well, do you think I am?
13:31I don't think you do think, do you?
13:33I think you just let words spill out of your mouth
13:35and onto the floor
13:36and see if anyone's stupid enough to pick them up.
13:38OK, well, that's...
13:39I'm a lesbian.
13:40I like sleeping with other women.
13:41I always did.
13:42And this is after you've been trying so blatantly
13:45to get inside Gillian's knickers again.
13:47That's...
13:48That was never...
13:51OK, forget it.
13:53I mistimed it.
13:54Yeah.
13:55I think that just about sums it up.
13:58OK, well, I'll...
14:00I'll drop the latch.
14:01Yeah, if you would.
14:06I'll phone you.
14:07Right.
14:08Yeah, whatever.
14:09That's...
14:13BABY CRIES
14:30I told you I didn't want a baby.
14:35I said I didn't want a baby.
14:38I left you in such a mess,
14:41didn't I?
14:45Are you angry with me?
14:48Sometimes.
14:49I'm sorry.
14:58It's all right.
15:08RADIO PLAYS
15:11Is that how you feel?
15:15What you said at supper time?
15:18Thinking you probably weren't really wanted.
15:22When you arrived.
15:23No.
15:26No, we were really lucky, though, weren't we?
15:29Maureen and Geoff adopting us when they did.
15:32When we were tiny.
15:34Yeah, but your mum...
15:35Are you real, Mum?
15:36I don't dwell on it.
15:38I mean, I should, but I don't.
15:41I already did.
15:43Of course, he were that bit older than me.
15:46I sometimes think that's why he was such a mad bastard.
15:51I think that he had more stuff,
15:54subconscious stuff,
15:56to deal with than I had, but...
16:00I never heard you call him a mad bastard before.
16:03What, I heard it?
16:05Yeah.
16:06Well, no.
16:09But he had demons, didn't he?
16:11Yeah.
16:14I've just never heard you say it before.
16:18I always thought you thought the sun shone out of him.
16:20I did.
16:21Back then.
16:22I'll never forget it.
16:24I'm sorry.
16:25I always thought you thought the sun shone out of him.
16:27I did.
16:28Back then.
16:29Only...
16:31I don't know.
16:34When you get to our age,
16:36and you look back,
16:38he was tormented, wasn't he?
16:40The way he behaved.
16:42The way he carried on.
16:45The way he drank.
16:48Yeah, that's one way of putting it.
16:55Yeah.
17:13What are your plans?
17:14Well, we...
17:17are so lucky,
17:19because Mummy has insured
17:21other Mummies' car for us to drive.
17:23So we think today we might take a picnic to Knaresborough,
17:26look at the rowing boats.
17:27Ooh.
17:29Hello.
17:34When did you get back?
17:35Just this morning, just now.
17:37You and Alan both recovered from the football.
17:39Oh.
17:40I don't like football either.
17:42Right, come on.
17:43Let's get this re-entry meeting out of the way.
17:46Twit.
17:48I hope that isn't a smirk.
17:51Have a nice day.
17:53Bring me evening evening.
17:54Don't hesitate.
17:58What about a kiss from Big Brother this morning?
18:00No, I'm good.
18:01Coward.
18:02Behave.
18:03All of you.
18:04I'm not its Big Brother.
18:05Yes, you are.
18:06No, I'm not.
18:07Yes, you are.
18:08Not.
18:09Are.
18:10Not.
18:11You are.
18:12Not.
18:14So, Raph, he wanted me to talk to you.
18:19He said if he said anything, I'd go down like a lead balloon, so...
18:24He's fitting in really well, by the way.
18:25He's such a bright lad.
18:26Everyone likes him.
18:27He's not leaving school.
18:28Well...
18:29He's going to university.
18:30Well, OK.
18:31It's what he wants, it's what I want, it's what my dad wants.
18:33I completely understand.
18:35All I wanted to say, you know,
18:37these days, kids, they go to university
18:40and there's no guarantee whatsoever
18:42they're going to get any kind of job at the end of it.
18:44What if...
18:45You're wasting your time.
18:46What if I take him on full-time, permanent,
18:50send him on day release to tech,
18:53to train as an accountant?
18:55Sorry?
18:56Sorry, he's done six Saturdays,
18:58carting boxes about in a warehouse,
19:00and you want to train him as an accountant?
19:02He's a smart cookie.
19:03He works hard, he's my nephew.
19:05You know, by the time he'd be leaving college, university,
19:08when would that be, 2017, 2018,
19:10he could already be on £35,000 a year.
19:13Between them, him and Ellie, they could have a mortgage.
19:15Well, you know, he can go to university
19:18and then come and do that.
19:20Yeah, but why bother, why waste time?
19:22Because that's always been the plan.
19:24OK.
19:26OK.
19:27You know this was his idea, it's not mine.
19:30You know how bad he feels about Ellie earning more money
19:33and him being so dependent on everyone,
19:35on you, with Calamity.
19:36I'm managing.
19:38And when the hell has he ever been interested in accountancy?
19:41No, that was a suggestion, that came from me.
19:44He was talking about how awkward it is
19:47being a dad still being at school.
19:49He thinks it's going to be impossible
19:51to go away for three years.
19:52Why? No, why?
19:54Well, think about it from his point of view.
19:56Going away, having a laugh for three years,
19:58everybody else looking after your baby.
20:00I mean, I suppose a lot of lads might think that's a good idea.
20:03I mean, I suppose a lot of lads might think that's all right,
20:05more than all right, but he's not like that, is he?
20:08Everyone else being with your baby,
20:10spending time with your baby,
20:12and you're two million miles away.
20:17OK, I'm not going to say anything more.
20:19I can see it's not...
20:21Anyway, let's not fall out about this.
20:23It was an idea, that's all.
20:25OK.
20:26OK.
20:28And then...
20:30Then the other thing.
20:32Yeah?
20:33Ooh, you're going to take this the wrong way.
20:37How are the wedding plans?
20:38Good.
20:39Fixed a date?
20:40It's looking like towards the end of August.
20:45How about...
20:47Why don't I...
20:49Why don't you, you and Robbie,
20:51why don't you let me pay for a really,
20:54really nice venue,
20:56a really big do?
20:58Something really special to celebrate.
21:00To celebrate, obviously, the wedding,
21:02but to celebrate us finding each other like this.
21:06Not that that would be the focus, obviously,
21:08you and Robbie would be the focus,
21:10but it would allow me the opportunity to say thank you
21:13for you being so generous
21:15and for letting me be part of the family.
21:17I mean, you didn't have to do that.
21:19You could have both ignored me,
21:22you and Alan, couldn't you?
21:26But you didn't.
21:28I couldn't believe my ears.
21:30Does he think we're paupers?
21:32I don't... I don't think that's how he'd have meant it, surely.
21:35Yeah, yeah, he thinks we're bunkings,
21:37thinks we're icks,
21:38thinks we haven't got two brass farthings to wipe our arses with.
21:41So...
21:42Well, what did you say?
21:44That's very kind of you, Gary,
21:46but I can't have you doing that.
21:48Well, think about it.
21:49It's not something I'd feel comfortable with.
21:51Why?
21:53I don't like owing people.
21:55Well, you wouldn't be owing me, that's not the point.
21:57It's how I'd feel.
22:00Then he sulked.
22:02Sulked?
22:03Oh, I should never have offered.
22:05I keep forgetting I'm not really a member of the family.
22:07You probably hate me now.
22:09Blah, blah, blah.
22:11You've got to stop being so paranoid, Gary.
22:13It's not about you, it's about me.
22:15I don't like... I have this thing,
22:17I don't like being dependent on people.
22:19Anyone.
22:20It's not about you, honestly, honestly, Gary.
22:22Gary.
22:28Well, you can bite my head off,
22:30but I think you should accept it.
22:32I think he's right about Raph as well.
22:34Really?
22:36Yeah, I do.
22:37I know it's not what you had planned, but...
22:39Yeah, well, you know my dad will go ballistic.
22:41Ever since when Raph was 12 and his science teacher said,
22:44you know, this lad could get in at a university,
22:46my dad's had this dream of seeing him go.
22:48I'm just saying.
22:50And, think about it,
22:52if we let him pay for a big do,
22:54we can spend a bit more on the honeymoon.
22:56We could go somewhere really exotic.
22:58We don't need a big do. We don't know that many people.
23:02I thought you wanted Ogro, stuck at Sportsman's.
23:05Well, because we don't have silly money to chuck around.
23:08If we did, I'd splash out a bit more.
23:11Would you?
23:13Yeah.
23:15It's not what I want.
23:18BELL RINGS
23:23Could I have a dry white wine and a pint of bitter?
23:26Thanks.
23:30I think that's you.
23:32What?
23:38Hello?
23:39Hello. It's Gary.
23:41Oh, hello.
23:44Where are you?
23:46We're in a pub, just outside Harrogate.
23:50We've been doing a bit of shopping.
23:52Erm, sorry to bother you, but...
23:54No, it's all right, man.
23:56The thing is, I think I've upset Gillian.
23:59What does he want?
24:01Gillian, haven't you? How?
24:03Have you spoken to her?
24:05What, today? No.
24:07Well, OK, obviously I didn't mean to upset her, but the thing is...
24:11Tell him no more football.
24:14I offered to pay for the wedding just as a thing,
24:17just as a, you know, a token of, I don't know, affection or something.
24:22And she, you know, she won't have it.
24:25Tell him not to do that thing of introducing you as his real father.
24:29I'm obviously worried that I've overstepped the mark
24:32and upset the apple carton, you know.
24:35But it could be a really nice day.
24:39Alan?
24:41Well, I would hope, however much or however little they spent,
24:45it'd be a nice day.
24:47Well, yeah, of course, but...
24:49Yeah, I really think if anyone's putting their hand in their pocket,
24:52it should be me, shouldn't it? I'm her dad.
24:54I'll back off.
24:56No, it's not about backing off.
24:59She's very fond of you.
25:01It's about...
25:03Well, could you persuade her that, erm,
25:06accept it in the spirit it's intended?
25:09Tell him it upsets you.
25:11No, no, if she said no, I think you have to take it at face value.
25:15It's the way she is.
25:18You just have to accept it.
25:20It's no reflection on you.
25:22It could be a really nice day.
25:25Hello, love. Mum, where are you?
25:27We're having a bit of lunch in the park, why?
25:29She's funny about her independence.
25:31We've just had a phone call from the police in Bradford.
25:33They've got Flora.
25:35Why? What do you mean?
25:37I don't know what's happened.
25:39I just wondered if he can get there any faster than I can.
25:42I'm just leaving just now.
25:44We could try. If we set off now, we could get there in, I don't know,
25:47half an hour, 40 minutes.
25:49What's happened?
25:51The police have got Flora.
25:53What's happened?
25:55I don't know. All I know is that she's at some police station in Bradford.
25:59Holly, apparently...
26:03..is in a cell.
26:05And she's been arrested.
26:07What for? I'm going to have to go get her.
26:09I don't know. I've got no idea.
26:11We're going to Mars now.
26:13No, I know. I know.
26:15I just said...
26:17..we think we've got your baby.
26:19I'm going to have to catch you later.
26:21We need to leave. OK. Ta-ta.
26:23We'll see you there. Bye.
26:27No, I'm the grandmother.
26:29Well, step-grandmother.
26:31Am I a step-grandmother?
26:33No, legally, you're a grandmother.
26:35Oh, anyway, it's what the hell I am.
26:37So, she's Flora's, my daughter's...
26:40..girlfriend.
26:42They're both gay. They're lesbians.
26:45Anyway...
26:47..so she's her baby.
26:49Only she died, Kate did.
26:51My daughter's girlfriend's wife.
26:55And so my daughter is the legal parent-stroke guardian now,
27:00you see.
27:01And she rang us to say that you...
27:03I'm Caroline McKenzie-Dawson. You spoke on the phone.
27:06Yes. Would you like to come through?
27:11This is my mum and dad.
27:24What happened? What's happened?
27:26She drove through a red light at speed.
27:29This lad here pulled her over and asked her to breathe into the tube.
27:32That's when she kicked off.
27:34And I mean kicked off. So we arrested her.
27:36Then we got her on the intoctimeter, didn't we?
27:38Four times over the limit.
27:39And swearing like a trooper.
27:41Four times?
27:42Olly, Olly's not...
27:44Yeah, well, some people are better at hiding it than others, aren't they?
27:47Is it definitely Olly?
27:48Who the hell else would it be? Who else would have Flora?
27:51White female, five foot five, long blond hair, slim build, early 20s.
27:56Thank God you pulled her over, lad, before she did out worse.
27:59Just doing his job.
28:01Good lad. Off you pop.
28:05Where is Olly?
28:06She's in the cellars.
28:07Can I see her?
28:08No. She'll be released when she's sober.
28:11Does her mother know she's here? Does her husband?
28:13No. They get one phone call and she wanted us to ring you.
28:20Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.
28:23You all right, love?
28:25Well, according to her mother, it's why she dropped out of university.
28:28Good Lord.
28:29I thought you got her through an agency.
28:31I did. She had references.
28:32The agency obviously knows nothing.
28:34Well, presumably they don't or they'd never have taken her on.
28:36You see? They can hide it.
28:38Her mother said she can be fine for weeks and then she'll have an upset or whatever
28:41and then she'll have a drink and that's it. She can't stop.
28:43God, she must be sickened, her mother.
28:46Look at me. I'm still shaking.
28:48It's a terrible disease, human lust like that.
28:51She could have killed her.
28:53What was she not thinking, getting into a car,
28:55getting behind the wheel of a car in that state with her baby,
28:58somebody else's baby?
29:00And where had she been to get so drunk?
29:02Where had Flora been?
29:04And why Bradford?
29:05You really ought to ring that agency.
29:07Oh, well, I'm going to. I just need a bit more...
29:09Don't get shut of her.
29:11Equilibrium. She'll not get work.
29:13Well, she can't be in charge of little ones if she's...
29:16Well, of course she can't.
29:18You know, she was such a nice girl at school. She was so...
29:21She's just perfectly normal.
29:22Kate knew her. Kate would have been delighted with her.
29:25How could I have known? I couldn't have known, could I?
29:27It's not your fault, love.
29:29What the hell am I going to do?
29:31I knew I shouldn't have come back to work.
29:33I mean, that's it. I'm going to have to resign.
29:35I'm going to have to take early retirement.
29:37I'm just going to have to rethink everything.
29:39Well, there are other nannies.
29:40No, no, no.
29:42Kate, she'd kill me.
29:44You can't resign.
29:45What choice have I got? It's ridiculous.
29:48Even with a nanny, I come home and there's everything still to do.
29:50I can't sleep. I can't think.
29:52I've got to second to myself, and then that's not good for her.
29:55I want her to feel loved.
29:56I don't want her to feel like she's an inconvenience.
30:01She isn't.
30:04I mean, who else is there?
30:06I mean, you know, we've said we'll do what we can, but...
30:09I know, I know, I know, I know.
30:13It's impossible.
30:16The whole thing is impossible.
30:21You know, if push comes to shove, which it would appear to have done,
30:25you could always ring Greg.
30:30I suppose I could always ring Greg.
30:32Who?
30:33The father.
30:35Really?
30:36No, you can't stand him.
30:37I thought you thought he was a jerk.
30:39Yeah, he is, but...
30:41You know, I've always thought you'd feel very differently about him
30:44if you got to know him properly.
30:46He offered at the funeral to help.
30:49Ring him.
30:53He's self-employed. I don't know what he does,
30:55but it meant he could be flexible, and...
30:58and he did offer, and you saw what he was like with her.
31:00I mean...
31:02well, he'd love her, wouldn't he?
31:04Yeah, but he can't just drop everything, can he?
31:07I bet he would.
31:10A KISS ON THE HAND
31:13A kiss on the hand, baby
31:16White continental
31:18But diamonds are a girl's best friend
31:22A kiss, baby
31:33Hello?
31:34Greg!
31:35It's Caroline, Dawson Mackenzie, Kate's.
31:38Her wife.
31:40How are you?
32:00Personally, I was thrilled. I'd love a big do.
32:03I'd quite fancy that place Celia and Alan got wed.
32:05Oh, that was well classy.
32:07Food was amazing.
32:09We sang. Grandad sang a song to Celia,
32:11and we did backing vocals and a dance.
32:13My God, you should have seen it.
32:15I wish I had.
32:16It was brilliant.
32:17It was summat.
32:18You could sing a song to me mum.
32:20Yeah, in front of everybody from our nick.
32:23Yeah, that's happening.
32:25Ah, here she is.
32:27Gillian and I.
32:28I hope you didn't bugger up the undercarriage of your jalopy,
32:31driving up our track.
32:33All will survive.
32:36Listen, I've come to apologise.
32:38I spoke to Alan on the phone,
32:40and I overstepped the mark at lunchtime,
32:42and it's not what you want, and I'm sorry.
32:44It isn't that we're not grateful.
32:46Very grateful.
32:47More than grateful.
32:49Personally, I can't see why we're not biting your hand off, pal.
32:52Well, the offers, they're still there.
32:54We were saying we could get wed at that same place
32:56that your dad and Celia got wed.
32:57We're not doing that.
32:58Alright?
32:59Well, I think...
33:01Well, you know what I think.
33:02I think it's a shame.
33:03It were really good.
33:04It were really nice.
33:05I mean, it was such a good day.
33:07And it didn't cost that much.
33:08You told me.
33:09You organised it, you and Caroline.
33:10How much was it?
33:11Well, silly money for what it was.
33:13But it was what my dad wanted, and it was his money, so...
33:19It was just over £5,000 for 30 people.
33:22Five-course meal.
33:23It's ridiculous.
33:25Champagne alone cost about five million quid.
33:27Then the flowers.
33:29With another arm and another leg,
33:30cos Celia had to have them everywhere.
33:32But you see, that's...
33:33What?
33:34Well, £5,000, it's...
33:36It's nothing.
33:37Just neither here nor there.
33:38It is when you're driving Aston Martin.
33:41Gary?
33:42I think you're just being a bit stubborn, Mum.
33:45And then there's the other thing.
33:49Just let me know when you're ready,
33:51when you've had a chance to think about it properly.
33:53Yeah?
33:55You mentioned it.
33:57Right, well, we'll discuss it.
33:59There's nothing to discuss.
34:00I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
34:02There's plenty to discuss.
34:03I want the job.
34:04Gary.
34:05You want to break your grandad's heart?
34:06Because that is what will happen.
34:08That's emotional blackmail.
34:09Well, I think it is something you should discuss
34:12with your mum and your grandad.
34:14You know, this is about her.
34:16She buggered up her chance of going to university
34:19by getting pregnant.
34:21Oh, yeah.
34:22So now she wants to inflict it on me.
34:24Inflict it?
34:25It's all about her.
34:27It's not about me or my situation.
34:29Oh, I'm sorry.
34:30I want to inflict university education on you.
34:32I'm sorry.
34:33I want you to do well for yourself.
34:34There's different ways of doing well for yourself.
34:36Don't you get it?
34:37You see?
34:38She's not even listening.
34:40Well done.
34:41Don't talk to Gary like that.
34:43Listen, I'm sorry.
34:44I didn't mean to start a massive argument between you.
34:46Raf came to me.
34:48I went to him.
34:49It's just an idea.
34:51You're finishing your A-levels.
34:52No, I'm not.
34:53At the very least, you're finishing your A-levels.
34:55What's the point?
34:57The only reason I'd finish my A-levels
34:59is to get the grades I need for Leeds.
35:01So if I'm not going,
35:03I don't need them.
35:05Can I have some support here?
35:07I can see both sides.
35:10Right.
35:11Ring your grandad.
35:12And if your grandad says yes,
35:13it's fine by me.
35:14Really?
35:15No.
35:16It'll never be fine by me,
35:17but I'm sick of being a sodding punchbag.
35:23When's all this cropped up?
35:25Just this aft.
35:26Met him at lunchtime.
35:28Why?
35:29Well, you know he rang me this aft.
35:31He was worried that he'd upset you
35:33over offering to pay for the wedding.
35:35Oh, did he?
35:36But he didn't say out about this Raf
35:38not going to university business.
35:41Yeah, well, that figures.
35:43Told him how upset you'd be.
35:45What shall I do?
35:46Shall I talk to the lad?
35:48Well, he sure as hell ain't listening to me.
35:50Is he there?
35:51No, I'm at Barn.
35:52On me own with sheep.
35:55Soaking.
35:57Well, it'll be better face to face.
35:59Do you want me to pop over?
36:00Can you be aft?
36:01I can't pop over.
36:02I've got to be on hand for Caroline.
36:04Give me a minute, love.
36:06Is it all right if I go?
36:08Yeah, of course.
36:09Yeah.
36:10Well, OK, then.
36:11If I set off in the next quarter of an hour,
36:15I can be there by half past seven.
36:17Sure.
36:18I'll be on me own, though.
36:20Yeah, we've had a bit of a drama ourselves.
36:23We were in police station over in Bradford this afternoon.
36:26Why?
36:27What have you been up to this time?
36:46Hiya.
36:47What are you doing here?
36:50Came to see you.
36:52Came to see you?
37:00Who's that?
37:02My dad.
37:03I don't want to fall out with you, you know, Gillian.
37:08Yeah, I can see what you're saying.
37:10If our little calamity hadn't turned up,
37:12it'd have been a different tale.
37:14But...
37:16Yes, I can see what you're saying.
37:19But you're disappointed.
37:21I think you can do well whatever you turn your mind to.
37:24I think you're old enough to make your own choices.
37:29What do you think, Ellie?
37:30Well, she wants me to stay at school.
37:32It were different for me leaving.
37:34I couldn't live in someone else's house
37:36and not bring in some money, could I?
37:38And I left so you wouldn't have to.
37:41You see?
37:42Nobody's on my side.
37:44Your mother thinks nobody's on her side.
37:47Anyway, I'm not taking sides.
37:49I think you're old enough and smart enough
37:52to make an intelligent and informed choice.
37:56But will you do me a favour now, lad?
37:59What?
38:00Will you dwell on it for two weeks
38:02before you do make a decision, one way or the other,
38:05before you throw a towel in at school?
38:10I'm not going to change my mind.
38:16OK.
38:17OK.
38:18If Gary's good with that...
38:23He's a bit of a bloody nuisance, Gary, isn't he?
38:27I never told you the thing that...
38:30..pissed me off most.
38:32What?
38:33Football.
38:34What?
38:35Introducing me to folk as his real dad.
38:39I don't mind him private, but to all and sundry.
38:43In front of Celia.
38:44Celia.
38:45Yeah, this is the fella that cheated on his wife, folks.
38:48No way.
38:49Don't get me wrong, I'm still fond of him,
38:52but it's like he doesn't think about how it affects other people.
38:58Oh, exactly.
39:05I've got an interview tomorrow afternoon,
39:09working on a check-out at Paterson's,
39:12down in Salby Bridge.
39:15You don't have to do that.
39:17No, but, you know...
39:20..I want to.
39:22Fine.
39:33You know, on Saturday night...
39:36..when we were talking about Eddie...
39:39Yeah?
39:41..about how he had demons.
39:43Yeah.
39:45I never told anyone this before.
39:50What?
39:54He used to knock me about.
39:57Why didn't you tell someone?
39:59Because...
40:02..you don't like to admit that it's happening.
40:05Because it's humiliating.
40:07And because you're scared.
40:10If you tell anyone, it'll backfire and...
40:13..you'll only have made it 1,000 times worse.
40:19I'm lying.
40:21Actually.
40:23Saying I never told anyone.
40:25I didn't tell anyone at the time, but I saw Caroline.
40:29When?
40:30Last year, just before Christmas.
40:33Why Caroline?
40:34I don't know.
40:37Sometimes, we tell each other stuff.
40:40I told her...
40:43..that I've shed blood...
40:46..in every room in this house.
40:53I told her that...
40:56..he once stubbed a fag out on my neck.
41:01Why are you telling me this now?
41:04Because...
41:08..I can.
41:13Because you called him a mad bastard.
41:18I never heard you say that before.
41:24Mum.
41:25Mum.
41:27Mum.
41:28Mum.
41:29Hello.
41:30There's a man.
41:31What?
41:32At the door.
41:33Have you let him in?
41:34Am I supposed to?
41:37Oh.
41:43Caroline, hey.
41:44Greg, come in.
41:45Sorry, Lawrence didn't know you.
41:47That's all right.
41:48I wouldn't let me in the middle of the night either.
41:50Lawrence, this is Greg.
41:51Hi.
41:52Greg.
41:53Virgil.
41:54Virgil.
41:55Hi.
41:56Yes, Greg is Florence's biological dad.
41:57Lawrence is my youngest.
41:59Sorry, do you want to come through?
42:00Yeah, thanks.
42:08Oh.
42:14Hello.
42:16Oh, baby's great.
42:19Didn't really expect you to come all the way over from Manchester tonight.
42:22Oh, I'm delighted, I told you.
42:26It's very kind of you.
42:28Well, we need to see what we can do, don't we?
42:32Yes, we do.
42:33You're not the Greg Virgil that does the death grip books.
42:37Are you?
42:39The what?
42:41The what?
42:43It's my bang.
42:44Death grip, comic strip, superhero.
42:46Well, anti-hero.
42:49Have you not?
42:50You have, she has.
42:51I've got all of them.
42:52No way!
42:53All of them.
42:54A boy of impeccable taste, I see.
42:56My God, no one's going to believe this.
42:58No, I don't think...
42:59It's why I can work anywhere, more or less.
43:01I draw cartoons, basically.
43:03And I can do it anywhere with a few basic bits of kit.
43:06So, my God, what happened?
43:09Oh, well...
43:10Miss Holly sounds like she needs her arse kicked.
43:12She does, she seriously does.
43:14I am speaking metaphorically, obviously.
43:16I don't go around kicking people's arses myself.
43:19But, hey, no, Caroline, I was fuming when you told me.
43:23I'm serious, I was angry. It's bad.
43:25It's rubbish. It's...
43:27It's not good enough.
43:29So, Lawrence, what do you think of your new little baby sister, eh?
43:32Yeah, she's all right.
43:37HE WHISTLES
43:50Yeah, but, no, the thing is,
43:52we weren't even going to do that story
43:54about Petra Hazard stealing the digital serum from Judge von Henkel.
43:57How mad is that?
43:58Death Grip wouldn't have found Detective Cavill County with Dr Zeelander.
44:01Exactly, exactly. Well, he would have.
44:03Which one's Petra Hazard?
44:05I know, I know.
44:07Petra's that one there.
44:09She's the true queen of Antakya, but...
44:11But she's been ousted by the rebel zombies,
44:13so now she's like an outlaw.
44:15But in a good way, like Robin Hood.
44:18I'm surprised she can balance with knockers that size.
44:21I'm surprised she doesn't just fall over.
44:25They get bigger as it goes along.
44:28It's like a convention.
44:30You have to aim it for the audience that buys it.
44:36KNOCK ON DOOR
44:38Good Lord!
44:40Good morning.
44:42I came to see if there was anything I could do to help them.
44:45Nappy, not too tight, not too slack.
44:47Good, good.
44:49Bottles cooling, mother-in-law on hand all day
44:52with endless stream of more-than-welcome vital comments.
44:56Is he being sarcastic?
45:00You absolutely sure about this?
45:02I'm giving it a go, Caroline.
45:05If I could do three or four hours' work with the radio on,
45:08she's happy to let me.
45:10I'm just going to give it a whirl and see what happens.
45:12Eh? Aren't we?
45:14Yes. Yes, we are, Daddy.
45:19Sorry. Sorry.
45:21I just slipped out.
45:23Sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
45:25But you are her daddy.
45:29Got to go.
45:31Sure.
45:35Oh!
45:37Ring me?
45:39Of course.
45:41You know where everything is?
45:43I think so.
45:48Look after her.
45:51She is wrapped in cotton wool after yesterday.
45:57Or shall we put her in a sandwich and eat her up?
46:01Oh!
46:04Oh, I know. Look at that smile.
46:07I know.
46:09Oh. No, it's just wind.
46:12See you. Bye.
46:17Bye.
46:19Right, come on.
46:21Bye.
46:32Next Monday, 8.30. Thanks, then.
46:34See you there. Ta-ra.
46:39Gillian Greenwood.
46:43Long time no see.
46:46Shall I still go up to Whitehorse on a Friday night, then?
46:49Hello, Ollie. No.
46:51No, no, I don't.
46:53Shame.
46:57How's your mum? Yeah, yeah.
46:59Not so bad. Mad cow.
47:03So what are you up to? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
47:08Yeah? What were you doing with Mr Learfield?
47:11Oh, just...
47:14starting work here on Monday.
47:16Joking? Nope.
47:18Check out.
47:20So you're...?
47:22Cheese. Right.
47:24Been trained. Yeah?
47:27So what are you doing this lunchtime? Anything?
47:30Well, I'm, yeah, you know, busy.
47:32I've got an hour.
47:34Lucky you.
47:36If you're not doing out. I'm busy.
47:39Oh, well. Yep.
47:41Shame. Yeah?
47:43Looks like I might be seeing a bit more of you, though, then.
47:46You're looking good. Bye.
47:59Clean up and I'll save.
48:16Bye.
48:21Afternoon.
48:24Evening.
48:40Mum, Dad's here.
48:42I love making bread.
48:44I used to be rubbish at it, but it's one of those things.
48:47You're going to be rubbish at it when you start.
48:49And why wouldn't you be? It's about persevering.
48:52It's about passion. It's about obsession.
48:55I reckon by the time I'm 90, it won't just be perfect.
48:58It'll be consistently perfect.
49:02Do I sound like a right wanker?
49:04No.
49:06It's Dad.
49:09Hello?
49:11Hiya.
49:13What are those for?
49:15Well, they were for Mum, just to say sorry for the other day.
49:18The other night. I didn't mean to annoy you.
49:21This is Greg.
49:25How's... How's Flora?
49:27Mm, she's fine. She's had a good day.
49:30She poos green. I don't know why.
49:33But Celia seemed to think it was normal.
49:35Well, normal enough, so...
49:37Did she? Yeah.
49:39And we didn't even have to pester Mum at work.
49:45Did... I thought...
49:47Didn't you have a nanny working for you?
49:49Steady on. We don't mention her.
49:51That didn't work out.
49:53Right.
49:55So, Greg's helping.
49:57Have we met before?
50:01Um, I was at Kate's funeral.
50:04I think I saw you there.
50:07John's my ex-husband.
50:11Cool.
50:14We're just eating.
50:17Right. Well, I'll...
50:24Do you want to do anything tomorrow?
50:26Cinema? Pizza?
50:28No, I'm... I'm good, thanks.
50:30OK. Well, I'll...
50:34See you. Popsicle.
50:40What were we talking about?
50:42Rad. Are those chrysanthemums?
50:45Um... 18 years I was married to that man
50:48and he still doesn't know I can't stand the smell of chrysanthemums.
50:51Tch. Man.
51:03I'm sorry.
51:23Oh, hello.
51:26Who is that?
51:28My next door. Greg. It's Greg.
51:30He's moved in.
51:32Well, who is he?
51:34He's a friend of Kate's.
51:38He's the baby's father.
51:40The biological father.
51:42He's a bit of an acquired taste,
51:45but once you get used to him, he's actually rather fun.
51:48He's very talented.
51:50Have you seen what he does for a living?
51:52No.
51:54And he's very good with the baby.
51:56I think he could be just what Caroline's looking for.
52:03Are you all right?
52:08God, I've made such a mess of things, Celia, haven't I?
52:14Do you want to come inside?
52:21I'll make some tea, then.
52:53I know I've brought it all on myself, but, you know,
52:56it was never really what any of them thought it was with Judith.
53:01You know, you've had a fling.
53:03You know, it's never black and white.
53:07Only right from the start that she...
53:11wasn't someone to be in love with.
53:16We got drunk one night at a little departmental bash
53:19for the third year so they'd finished their finals.
53:22I'd seen her in the library a few times.
53:24She was always a bit different.
53:27She had ambitions. She wanted to write.
53:30She knew my work.
53:32Then the first time I, you know, ended up in bed with her...
53:43..I didn't know she was an alcoholic.
53:45I just thought we were both a bit drunk.
53:53We're talking about Judith.
53:55Are you?
53:57Well, and your...
53:59What was she called? Gary's mother?
54:02Mary, she was called. Mary.
54:05So, before I knew it,
54:07one of the departmental secretaries rang Caroline up.
54:10They were friends.
54:12And she knew that I'd been trying to cool things off with Judith,
54:15trying to cool things off before anything even started.
54:18But, oh, no, that wasn't good enough.
54:27So what happened?
54:29Is it true? It doesn't mean anything.
54:32Just to be clear, we're talking about sex.
54:37I don't believe her on the phone.
54:41How long's it been going on?
54:43When did you start sleeping with her?
54:45Oh, um...
54:49..just after...just after...
54:52..Christmas. Christmas?
54:57So that's...
54:59..four, nearly five months that we've been...
55:01..and you've been...
55:03Why? Why? Why?
55:05Why? Why would you...? What wasn't...?
55:07Why? I don't know.
55:09No, no, no, no. Why?
55:11I don't... Why?! I thought I was...
55:15..in love with her.
55:22So, what happened then?
55:24Well, it sort of...
55:26..went downhill from that point.
55:3018 years! 18 fucking years!
55:33Caroline, Caroline, stop it, Caroline!
55:35The boys are in tears. They don't know what's going on.
55:38Well, shall we tell them? Do you want to tell them or shall I?
55:41I think you're becoming hysterical.
55:43No, really, I think you are actually becoming...
55:45Paddy has been having it off with somebody else, boys!
55:49That's...that's...that's just irresponsible.
55:52This is what it's like having...
55:54..a beautiful home, two wonderful children
55:56and a pretty damn fantastic wife!
55:58Daddy has been putting it about elsewhere!
56:02That's... What? What?
56:04What is it? Are you embarrassed?
56:06Embarrassed? You shit!
56:10You shit!
56:12Ech!
56:14Yeah. I left.
56:16I left and I didn't want to.
56:18And the irony is that...
56:20..her version of events, i.e. the official version of events,
56:24the one that everyone believes, including my children,
56:27is that I left her for an alcoholic.
56:31And it just wasn't like that.
56:36PHONE RINGS
56:38Is that you?
56:44Hello? It's Gillian.
56:47It's Gillian.
56:49Dad?
56:51Have you seen this week's courier?
56:54No.
56:58You're not going to believe this.
57:01What is it, love?
57:05All you want to do is humiliate me, I suspect.
57:08Well, well done, you've succeeded.
57:10It's embarrassing.
57:12Maybe he should feel a bit guilty.
57:14There's a bloke I work with. When?
57:16You're surely not worried she's changed her mind?
57:18Two can play at that game.
57:20You never wanted me to marry him!
57:22I thought we were just friends.
57:24Well, I wonder if I chose the wrong person.
57:26None of them's answering their phones.
57:28What's that? I can't do it. You were right.
57:30I can't marry him.
57:44THE END