• 2 months ago
Transcript
00:00["Podbijemy Trzeci Świat"]
00:30You know, I think everyone can be a courier, right?
00:49Drunk as a skunk, drinking something on a bench, barely sobering up,
00:52a pack of cigarettes and immediately a courier, right?
00:54No, no, no, no, some people think so.
00:56That's exactly what I think.
00:58Nothing more than that.
01:00Couriering is an art.
01:02It's an art of making contact with another person.
01:05The client has to want it.
01:07To want to meet you again,
01:09to order something again, believing that
01:11he will see you, at least for a moment,
01:13for a moment, in these doors, with this nice gentleman.
01:16With a package.
01:18Madman.
01:21Yes, yes, exactly.
01:23Sir, because we can be such
01:26Santa Claus of everyday life.
01:28Of the time when there is no Christmas.
01:32And when there is a Christmas, the more so.
01:36Oh, Santa Claus of everyday life.
01:38No, no, no, I like that.
01:40I like that.
01:41That's it, that's it, no, no, no.
01:43What's your name, boy?
01:44Gwidon.
01:45Gwidon.
01:46And I'm Roman.
01:47Roman, welcome to the never-ending holidays.
01:50This is a gift from me.
01:51What is it?
01:52A bow.
01:54A bow.
01:55Loyalty.
01:56And thanks to this, I will always know what you are doing,
01:58where you are, every nanosecond.
02:00You know, people will give you stars,
02:02and then I will look at these ratings,
02:05and I will rate you.
02:06Well.
02:07Okay.
02:08These are your...
02:09Renifers.
02:10Get dressed to work.
02:11Well.
02:12To the sleigh.
02:13To the sleigh.
02:14Oh, Santa Claus.
02:15No, it's good.
02:16It's good.
02:17Santa Claus, it's good.
02:18It's time I didn't drive a car.
02:20Yes, sex is not forgotten.
02:22I remember that.
02:25Maybe we'll go together, huh?
02:27Together, we will fight against the world.
02:30What do you mean, together?
02:31Szyk.
02:32Together, we'll look like we're going
02:34to the sleigh race.
02:37Everyone goes their own way.
02:47F**k.
02:55F**k.
03:22Good morning.
03:23A package for you.
03:24Cool.
03:26What could it be?
03:27It's nothing.
03:29A strange package.
03:30Not marked.
03:31Interesting.
03:33Interesting?
03:35Please sign.
03:39Goodbye.
03:49Good morning.
03:50A package.
03:52Can you open it?
03:54Me?
03:55My hands are sweating.
03:56Oh yeah.
03:58If it's not a bomb,
04:00I can open it.
04:03Oh, a fork.
04:05That's what I meant.
04:07Do you pay to order one fork?
04:09Yeah.
04:10That's what I was missing.
04:11Will you sign here?
04:13Art.
04:15Well, art.
04:17To the sleigh.
04:25Good morning.
04:27Pig!
04:29Pig!
04:31Pig!
04:33Don't you dare!
04:34Pig!
04:44Do you have to ring so loudly?
04:47You don't have a phone.
04:48So it's my fault.
04:49Can't I knock?
04:51A package.
04:52A package.
04:53You open it.
04:55Why me?
04:56I'm just a courier.
04:57Maybe they threw bricks at me.
04:58I need a net.
05:04Deodorant.
05:09Oh, you stupid woman!
05:11So it works.
05:19Good morning.
05:20A package.
05:23Sign here.
05:26Excuse me, can I ask a question?
05:28Go ahead.
05:29Did you order something magical?
05:32Magical?
05:33It's a phone charger.
05:34Why do you need a charger
05:36when you can charge a phone?
05:39What do you mean?
05:40Calm down.
05:41Don't tell anyone.
05:45It's a secret.
05:46Goodbye.
05:51Please, come in.
05:52Couldn't you order something bigger?
05:56Maybe coffee?
05:57Tea?
05:58I can't, I'm at work.
05:59But I have it here.
06:00Please.
06:02And you know,
06:03my granddaughter
06:04has been scratching her butt
06:06like crazy lately.
06:08Sign here.
06:09Yes.
06:11And now, please try it.
06:13Goodbye.
06:16Oh!
06:18Oh!
06:20My stars!
06:21Show me your stars!
06:25Oh, Gwiddon!
06:28Hey!
06:304.8!
06:31Congratulations!
06:32It's good, right?
06:33Yeah.
06:35Look now.
06:40Roman, 1.9?
06:42What a miracle!
06:43Apparently, the chassis is broken.
06:45It's German equipment.
06:46It's never wrong.
06:47Never.
06:49Oh, Gwiddon,
06:50for exceeding the threshold of 4.5,
06:52you deserve a prize of 50 zlotys.
06:54It's good, but you don't have to pay for it.
06:56No, I don't have to pay.
06:58Maybe you have 50 zlotys with you.
07:04Oh!
07:06Here you go, your prize.
07:08For these pathetic results,
07:10I'll just take it from today.
07:12It'll be your investment
07:15in the development of your courier personality.
07:18But you see,
07:19it's not a job for everyone.
07:21Don't worry, Roman.
07:22The beginnings are always difficult.
07:31Hey, I was here yesterday.
07:33Why did I only get two stars from you?
07:35I said good morning, thank you,
07:36I even said goodbye.
07:37What did you miss?
07:40Were you ironic?
07:42Ironic?
07:43I was ironic.
07:44What do you say, junkie?
07:45Even my turtle doesn't like you.
07:49And he likes everyone.
07:56I'm reducing it to one star!
07:59Then reduce it!
08:00At least now you have a reason!
08:02Rubbish!
08:03Dirty!
08:04Oh, and please say hello to Alina.
08:07Do you remember my sister's name?
08:09Yes.
08:11Alina Gazza.
08:16Oh, damn.
08:20Please say thank you.
08:30This is a mistake.
08:31I got only one star from Mrs. Gazza?
08:33You reacted terribly.
08:35How?
08:36You called me a stupid woman.
08:38And what was I supposed to say?
08:39Stupid idiot?
08:51Good morning.
08:52A package.
08:53It's in my own hands.
08:55And here.
08:56Please sign.
08:58Mia Khalifa and Alexis Texas?
09:01Do you remember my favorite actors from porn?
09:03Will you come to my orgy tomorrow?
09:05No, thank you.
09:06What do you think?
09:07Take a slipper with you, because I'm slippery.
09:10Not for that reason, what do you think?
09:12Okay, goodbye.
09:18Delicious coffee.
09:19It's good that you're a courier now.
09:21Because the one who was here last time was some kind of suspicious guy.
09:26And don't you sometimes look for wives?
09:30What for?
09:31I could introduce you to my granddaughter.
09:33My granddaughter?
09:35She's 20 years old.
09:37And she would suit you.
09:40And could you give her a hand?
09:44A hand?
09:47I don't understand.
09:52What am I doing wrong?
09:55Stop it!
09:56I'll call the police!
09:59Everything will be fine.
10:00He probably didn't want to.
10:02It happens in life.
10:05Sometimes it happens.
10:08It happens in life.
10:10You understand it.
10:11Yes, I do.
10:13I don't understand!
10:16Time is the best medicine.
10:20A shoe is the best cup.
10:22It will be fine.
10:24It will be fine, I tell you.
10:26Luxurious.
10:32Be a good person.
10:33Hi, Szustak.
10:35Hello.
10:36Listen to my calm voice.
10:38No.
10:39Look at the world.
10:40The other way around.
10:41Damn.
10:43I'll stand on my hands.
10:45As you like to offend people,
10:47start praising them.
10:49One, two, three...
10:50Romek, this thing doesn't work!
10:52Smile.
10:55Oh, buddy.
10:57I have bad news for you.
10:59You're a bad person!
11:00No.
11:01What?
11:03Repeat after me.
11:05I'm sorry.
11:08I'm sorry.
11:10I'm sorry.
11:13I'm sorry.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:17I'm sorry.
11:27Straightened silhouette.
11:28Empathy.
11:30Nice tone.
11:34Good morning.
11:36Is everything all right?
11:37Yes.
11:38I have a fork and a spoon for you.
11:42Are you kidding me?
11:44No.
11:56Good morning.
11:59Ha!
12:02Are you satisfied?
12:03To some extent.
12:10Mr. Kwidon,
12:12could you sign here
12:14as a souvenir
12:16that I met such a good man?
12:19But I don't have a pen.
12:21Well,
12:22you can look for it.
12:23I'm just kidding.
12:24These are my pens.
12:26Oh.
12:28Oh.
12:31Show me your masterpiece.
12:34Or maybe Roman first.
12:38And...
12:402-0.
12:41Yes!
12:43Maybe you're broken.
12:44Impossible.
12:45The boss himself said
12:46that the German Scheiss never made a mistake.
12:53Kwidon,
12:54it's 4-7.
12:56Yes, it's 4-7.
12:58It's 4-7.
12:59Oh.
13:02What the fuck is that?
13:03Who told me that?
13:04I'm a fucking angel
13:06for people.
13:07I'm a supplier of dreams.
13:09Dreams
13:10taken from the ass.
13:11Who gave me
13:12a few stars?
13:13Tell me.
13:14No, it's confidential information.
13:15What the fuck is this
13:16confidential information?
13:17It's probably that whore
13:18from the under-17s, right?
13:19Because her husband doesn't love her.
13:20She believed me herself.
13:21She has a grudge
13:22against everyone,
13:23about everything,
13:24because he lets himself go.
13:25Kwidon, stop focusing
13:26on how others see you.
13:27You have to think about yourself.
13:28Shut the fuck up.
13:30Check it again.
13:32It's German.
13:33You can check it
13:34just in case.
13:42I baked you a cookie
13:44with your name on it.
13:46Beautiful.
13:48I see.
13:49Pink.
13:53Well,
13:54you made it
13:55to your taste.
13:56It's worth it.
13:58It can be.
13:59They're not
14:00the ugliest.
14:01Congratulations.
14:03Kwidon!
14:07Delivery for you.
14:12Fuck you.
14:13I can see you know each other.
14:15Sign it.
14:18I wanted to say
14:19that our company doesn't judge.
14:20And that's nice.
14:22But God will judge you,
14:23you whore.
14:25I've been waiting for this.
14:27It was supposed to be yesterday.
14:28Well,
14:29but it's today.
14:30So what are you going to do?
14:31Kwidon,
14:32I have great news for you.
14:35I'm with him again.
14:37With whom?
14:38Well,
14:39with my boyfriend.
14:40You convinced me.
14:41We explained everything
14:42and it's great again.
14:43Oh, you see.
14:44Who are you talking to, honey?
14:46Oh, don't make me blush.
14:47Kwidon?
14:48Cherry?
14:49Do you work as a courier now?
14:51Your brother probably does too, right?
14:53I'm very grateful to you, listen.
14:55You saved our relationship.
14:57You're on the verge of sadness and despair.
14:59You're a real courier of happiness.
15:04Thank your brother for existing.
15:06For this tear,
15:07but also
15:10for the smile, honey.
15:13I have something for you.
15:14Do you have two zlotys?
15:15Kiss me in the ass, cherry.
15:17Wait.
15:19Kwidon!
15:20Kwidon, what are you doing?
15:24I greet you, Kwidon the Unusual.
15:27Alakazam!
15:29Man,
15:30grow up.
15:31Magic does not exist.
15:32You are not a wizard.
15:33Get lost.
15:40Well.
15:42Well, there is progress.
15:43Bravo.
15:44And you somehow switch with your brother, right?
15:46How do you feel better about him, worse about your brother?
15:48Sinusoida 6.
15:50Well, holy words.
15:52And this?
15:53Boss, so what?
15:54Maybe some bonus?
15:56I still need it, of course.
15:57I work here for ideas, but ...
15:59No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:00I have a special task for you.
16:05Take it.
16:06Don't ask anything.
16:07Don't look.
16:08There will be a bonus.
16:09Just that?
16:10Yes.
16:11Let me just get to the client safely.
16:13Boss.
16:14Hi.
16:21Excuse me.
16:27Send.
16:31Have a nice day.
16:32Stop!
16:34I'm sorry.
16:35But you have to sign.
16:37What signature?
16:38In terms of the character of the shipment,
16:40I must be sure that it was delivered.
16:43Did you look there?
16:46No, sir.
16:49You're crazy.
16:50No, sir!
16:51No, sir!
16:52I'm a good man!
16:59No, what's the point?
17:00No.
17:02Sir, it doesn't make any sense.
17:04Holy words.
17:12We will inform you about the further development of the situation.
17:15These are my fish.
17:16No.
17:17These are our fish.
17:25Easy.
17:26My brother.
17:28My brother.
17:31Open the door, or I'll kill you.
17:34You're a good man.
17:37Although now you probably think the worst of yourself.
17:40You probably think about yourself ...
17:44You're fucking up.
17:45I never thought about myself.
17:47Shut up, I'm not talking to you.
17:50The man you keep on my brother's bed.
17:54You're good.
17:55I was your courier.
17:57You have such a calm character of a letter.
18:00You have a canary, you care about him.
18:03You bought yourself a store, so you take care of yourself too.
18:07You bought half a ton of saletra, nitroglycerin.
18:10I don't care, I forgot it.
18:12Listen.
18:14You're not just a gangster.
18:16Just like me.
18:17I'm not just a courier.
18:19You're a person, after all.
18:21A man who has plans, some dreams.
18:26You think about the future, listen.
18:28Think.
18:29This world can be thanks to you.
18:33At any time.
18:35Better.
18:37Better.
18:51Do it.
19:00Now!
19:01No!
19:07One less trash.
19:13So they closed the company,
19:14because it turned out it was just a cover for drug distribution.
19:17But we survived the adventure.
19:19It's ours, you see?
19:20And what's up with him?
19:22He killed a man.
19:23Him?
19:24Not personally, but he exposed him.
19:26So he actually killed him.
19:28Well...
19:29But...
19:31I'll tell you, shopping online is bad.
19:35It's best to come to the store,
19:37touch the product, smell it, buy it.
19:39And the most important thing is the contact with a living person.
19:42With a living person.
19:43And the sight with a living person.
19:45Obviously, you want to have fun.
19:47That's how I feel.
19:48No.
19:50Miss.
19:51What fun?
19:52No drugs.
19:55You're funny.
19:56A bit of uncle's humor.
19:58But if you say something, I'll laugh.
20:00People like you, right?
20:02Very much.
20:04Then I'll tell you right away.
20:06Please don't pick on me here.
20:08Because I know what it's like when a guy is so honest.
20:11Whatever he wants, it's for free.
20:13Oh, oh.
20:16Because you'll get one star from me.
20:29Good morning, sir.
20:30What can I do for you?
20:31I'd like to apologize for breaking your dreams.
20:35What dreams?
20:36To be the greatest wizard on this planet.
20:40I'm just an ordinary, boring man.
20:42A gray-haired man who lives from day to day.
20:44Without levitation, disappearance,
20:46bunnies in a hat,
20:48and monsters who don't believe.
20:50No, but if you want to be a wizard, be one.
20:52With all your might.
20:54Enchant this country.
20:56Come on, like Kazan.
20:59I'm sorry, I have to go. I have work to do.
21:04Oh well.
21:07I think you have something in mind.
21:09Kazan?
21:39Czabank 2, czyli Riposta