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00:00The more you are capable of aloneness, the more you are capable of love.
00:09It is a paradox, but go into it.
00:18Meet as you meet a lover, don't take the other for granted, don't expect that the other
00:29would answer the doorbell, don't expect that the other would always be available when you
00:40knock, instead meet as lovers do, date each other, then there is a freshness.
00:54Relationships get spoiled when people cling to each other, then there is just sweat, physical
01:10contact and stink.
01:19Then all that you want is a little separation, a little distance.
01:30If you really want heart to heart contact, let the bodies be a little separated and by
01:39that I do not mean sexual abstinence.
01:45By that I mean that you do not really have to be in the same physical space, the same
01:52shared physical space all the time.
01:57Nobody can bear to keep looking at the same face again and again 24 hours a day.
02:06Give decent space to each other, sometimes disappear from the other's life, don't keep
02:16clinging.
02:17Tu jaha jaha chalega, mera saya saath hoga.
02:28To the extent that we have a double commode, that is the height of love.
02:49How can I leave my poor spouse unattended?
02:58I am not going to leave her even after death, not even Yamraj can take her away from me.
03:09How can the washroom dare to do what even Yamraj cannot do?
03:21Even the idea stinks, does it not?
03:25We all need space, man's inner nature is freedom, when I mean, when I say man, I mean both man
03:35and woman, mankind.
03:40Just as you need free mental space, you also need free physical space.
03:52In fact, I find the idea of a shared bed quite vulgar, the double bed is an invitation to
04:05trouble.
04:06The double bed makes it mandatory that you will necessarily sleep next to the designated
04:15person.
04:16Now, this can never be a mandate, there must only be single beds and preferably in separate
04:25rooms.
04:26When you want to meet, then only you should meet, as lovers do.
04:36Sometimes they decide to be in union and only when sometimes you decide to be in physical
04:44union, then you are in perpetual Atmic union, when sex and physical nearness of all kinds
04:59start dominating a relationship, then the juice dries down.
05:09Now the other is just a body for you, body for the sake of having sex, body for the sake
05:16of upkeep.
05:20To treat somebody as a body does not necessarily mean that you are always looking sexually
05:28at the other.
05:29It also means that you are concerned with nothing else but the body of the other.
05:37So, when the husband says that all that I have is lust towards you, of course, he is
05:43looking at the wife as a body, but equally when the wife is bothered only about the physical
05:50health of the husband, she too is just looking at the husband as a body.
05:56Have you not seen mothers?
05:59All that they are bothered about is the health of the child.
06:02If you ask them, is the child growing in wisdom, they would not know.
06:09All that they know is whether the child has had his meals, is dressed properly, has been
06:13taking regular baths.
06:17They would know the weight of the child, they would never know the soul of the child.
06:23Same with the husband.
06:27Externally the husband is being strangulated, but externally you want to keep him healthy
06:34and shining.
06:39You very well know that he must have all the vitamins and proteins in breakfast, but you
06:44do not know what is the nourishment that the mind needs.
06:51That too is just the treatment of the other as merely a body.
07:09You worry a lot when the husband falls sick, physically sick, if he has fever, but you
07:16do not worry when you see that the husband has no inclination towards spirituality.
07:29You do not worry when you see that the husband is corrupt and violent, just mechanical.
07:51Stop seeing other as merely a body, then you will not bother about the other's physical
07:57presence so much.
08:03Then it will be alright for you to sleep on single beds, then it will be alright for
08:10you to sometimes not cook meals for him or her.
08:18Then marriage will not be a problem.
08:22Marriage will not be a problem when your own life is not a problem to you.
08:28First of all solve your own life.
08:40Children pick up from what they see.
08:47You are so bothered about the kids and the kids are only getting afflicted by your botherations.
08:57Take care of yourself and you have taken care of the kids.
09:00When the kids see a radiant mother, a radiant father, their darkness disappears.
09:19Be first of all concerned about discovering your own radiance.
09:31If you have nothing but darkness, all that your kids would get from you is darkness.
09:43What's strange in our situation, preserving our darkness, we want to bring light to our kids.
09:51That is an impossibility that is never going to happen.
09:56That is why almost all parents have always failed.
10:03They want to bring that to the kids which they themselves do not have.
10:07That cannot happen.
10:33Do not look at that woman just as your wife, do not look at that man just as your husband.
10:43You will have to change your eye itself.
10:49If your eye remains the same, then your vision also remains the same.
10:55If you continue to look at the world as you used to look at it, then you will continue
11:00to look at your wife just as you used to look at her.
11:04Therefore, wisdom is the only solution.
11:11Therefore, Krishna and Ashtavakra and Kabir and Nanak are the only solution.
11:21Nobody else is going to save you.
11:35Be married to God and then let God save your marriage.
11:45Consider God as your spouse and then God will take care of your earthly, carnal spouse as well.
12:04Remember your first husband, remember your only father and then all will be taken care of.
12:34Go for a vacation alone and then when you go for a vacation with your spouse, it would
13:02be lovely.
13:17Cook for your husband, but not as a duty, not as an obligation.
13:22Sometimes refuse to cook, would that you anyway do, but sometimes in love refuse to
13:31cook.
13:38Sometimes refuse to return home, not because you are drunk, but because you are sober.
13:53In your sanity, refuse to return home sometimes, then when you return home, it would be beautiful.
14:03Only a free mind has the right and the capacity to love.
14:07If you are not free, where is love?