First broadcast 30th August 2007.
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jason Manford
Danny Wallace
James Corden
Charley Uchea
Gerry Stergiopoulos
Eugene Sully
Tracey Barnard
Billi Bhatti
Nikki Grahame
Shabnam Paryani
Lea Walker
Marcus Bentley
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jason Manford
Danny Wallace
James Corden
Charley Uchea
Gerry Stergiopoulos
Eugene Sully
Tracey Barnard
Billi Bhatti
Nikki Grahame
Shabnam Paryani
Lea Walker
Marcus Bentley
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00It's 10 o'clock on the 8 out of 10 cats Big Brother special.
00:24Joining the show tonight, Big Brother's biggest mouth, Charlie.
00:26Screws out, it's Danny Wallace.
00:29And their Big Brother, Jason Manford.
00:32And facing them tonight, Greek God, Jerry.
00:35It's not David, it's not Stacey, it's James Corden.
00:40And their Big Brother, Sean Locke.
00:42The extra special guests, Tracey, Shabnam, Billy, Eugene, Leah and Nicky.
00:52Leah and Nicky.
00:54And here's your host, Jimmy Carr.
01:02Hello and welcome to the 8 Out Of 10 Cats Big Brother Special.
01:06A show about opinion polls, surveys, statistics and of course, Big Brother.
01:09Did you know, for example, Big Brother 8 started back in May.
01:13The housemates have been in there so long, they think the Prime Minister is still Tony Blair.
01:16Except Brian, who thinks it's Dumbledore.
01:20There have been 24 housemates this year.
01:23If you can name them all, congratulations, you're the editor of Heat Magazine.
01:32Sadly, Shanessa couldn't be on the show this evening, because we didn't ask her.
01:38I don't like to think of there being winners and losers in the Big Brother house.
01:41To me, they're all losers.
01:50Let's get started.
01:58What are you talking about? That's the name of our first round.
02:01We've teamed up with a leading polling organisation and they've asked the British nation
02:04what stories they found the most memorable in this year's Big Brother.
02:07We're looking for the top three most popular Big Brother talking points.
02:10Jason's team.
02:12I reckon early doors was the interesting bit, when it was the all-female house.
02:15Let's have a look at women going to the house for the first time.
02:20What is going on here?
02:23Is no one going to see something? There's no guys coming.
02:26Yeah, we'll just become lesbians and have a good time and all the guys will be after us.
02:33I like Laura there. Laura in the house there.
02:36Everyone described her as bubbly. That's just because she eats too many aeros.
02:40It was actually the Charlie show and we all know it.
02:43I mean, I'm not being funny. Friday, I'm going to go there.
02:46Yeah, you're right.
02:55Friday night, I'm probably going to go back on that stage for the big grand finale, you know,
02:58and stuff like that. And it's going to be like, boo,
03:01when I go on. I'm not going to blow them all kisses. Do you know what I'm going to say?
03:04I'm not being funny, right? Oh, God, I said it again, didn't I?
03:07No, you haven't got anywhere near a punchline. You've been talking for quite a while.
03:11I'm not being funny. Everyone was entertained.
03:14Don't worry about not being funny. We'll just edit that out.
03:17James, any thoughts on the all-female act?
03:20It didn't work out the way I wanted it to.
03:23I've got to be honest.
03:26They didn't need men. We can just all...
03:29And nothing.
03:32There was nothing. And I watched that live streaming for weeks.
03:35Nothing. I went in the second week and they were waiting for men.
03:39They got two gay guys. Are you gay?
03:42Yes, I am.
03:45What? Are you kidding me now?
03:48Well, I can tell you that the all-female house was not one of the most talked about things
03:51in Big Brother this year. Initially, 11 women went into the house
03:54and then Ziggy joined them, making a total of 12 twats.
04:04OK, Shauncy, most talked about thing in Big Brother this year, what do you think?
04:07Oh, where do I start?
04:10So many great moments.
04:13Anything you want to particularly do?
04:16Brian's brain. Don't you think Brian's brain is the big thing?
04:19Everybody's speculating if Brian did know or did not know Shakespeare.
04:24I have to admit, he did not have any clue who Shakespeare is.
04:27Can I just confirm that Shakespeare and Shakespeare...
04:32Shakespeare is what I have in my pants.
04:36Shakespeare is a writer, a different thing.
04:39I've got a clip that will demonstrate this.
04:42Which one of the following is not a play by William Shakespeare?
04:47What?
04:50Romeo and Juliet or Babe, Pig in the City?
04:54I love Babe, Pig in the City.
04:58I don't even know who Shakespeare is.
05:01He's supposed to have directed and written all these things.
05:04It's like Romeo and Juliet.
05:07That's supposed to be a proper arty, farty film with Leonardo DiCaprio in it.
05:10And they all speak like they're pissed and stuff.
05:13Brian, can you confirm your final answer?
05:16Yeah, Babe, Pig in the City.
05:19Isn't the thing about these people being stupid?
05:22It's like a competition every year.
05:25Some of them get thicker and thicker.
05:28Next year there will literally be someone going,
05:32Boo! Boo! Boo!
05:35No, that's this year. That is Brian.
05:38Let's have a look and see if Brian is up there.
05:42Yes, this year, little did Brian know.
05:45That's it. He knew very little.
05:48He's not the sharpest tool in the box. In fact, he's not even as sharp as the box.
05:53Brian is a data entry clerk from Basildon.
05:56So if you live in Basildon and you've been getting someone else's post, you now know why.
06:00Okay, fingers on buzzers. What else were people talking about?
06:03Oh, is this when I say who we think we're next talking about?
06:06Yes. So what do you think people have been talking about in the Big Brother house this year?
06:10Oh, I'd like to say me, probably, but I'm not going to say me.
06:13No, you can say your own name.
06:16You don't want to be egotistic. You don't want to pick up yourself.
06:19Charlie, say you. If you think it's all about you, say girl.
06:22I'm not being funny, Charlie, but you are South London it girl.
06:25No one can even touch you. Look at your outfit. I can't even compete.
06:28What have I got on? Oh, my God. It's nothing. It's just like a suit.
06:31I can't even compete with that. Babe, I love that suit.
06:34Anyway, Brian, it's back to me, right? Yeah. What would they be saying about you, then?
06:37What do you think people are saying? Bring her back in the most argumentative,
06:40most talented and most what the hell, everything.
06:43Shall we have a look at Charlie in action? Yeah.
06:46Anyone who says I don't wash up is an arsehole.
06:49What part of that didn't you hear?
06:52Psycho. Psycho.
06:56Posh voice. And she said she's a compliment.
06:59She must think the fucking ugly little... Don't be jealous, Charlie.
07:02It's not a nice thing. Oh, well, never.
07:05Fucking posh voice. She fucking wish. Fucking...
07:08Ugly bitch.
07:12The family will sit down at Christmas. They go, let's watch some videos of our holidays.
07:16Let's put that on. That would be nice.
07:19Remember when she's going...
07:22It's like a cross between a wasp and a pit bull.
07:25I read that you were an IT girl,
07:28and how do you get a DOS prompt on there?
07:31Windows 98.
07:34Do you mean computers? Yeah.
07:37All I know about is MySpace. I think the IT girl joke has been lost.
07:40It's gone. Oh, my God, IT!
07:43I was taking the piss, right? No, Charlie.
07:46You will need to know that for your interview next week at PC World.
07:53Well, let's have a look and see if Charlie's up there.
07:56Yes, indeed, the most talked-about thing this year.
07:59On entering the house, Charlie had her dental floss confiscated,
08:02which was annoying, as she didn't have anything else to wear.
08:05Charlie was the bookie's favourite,
08:08because she's the one that most resembles a horse.
08:16A beautiful horse.
08:20Yeah, Black Widow, something like that.
08:23Black Beauty, I think, would be the one you'd go for.
08:28OK, what else have people been talking about in Big Brother this year?
08:31Ziggy and Chanel. I imagine that was quite a big talking point.
08:34Chanel and Ziggy. Chanarso.
08:40Can we have a look at some of the best bits of Chanel and Ziggy?
08:43The reason why I want to fucking leave is because of you,
08:46I'm leaving because of you, you fucking wanker!
08:49So that's my problem. You treat me like a fucking boy!
08:52Why have I treated you like shit? You treat me like you fucking stole me!
08:55You treat me like fucking shit! I haven't!
08:58Oh, I need to go!
09:01Oh!
09:04I had a day! I had a fucking day before!
09:07I think I made quite a few mistakes in here. I think I made a lot of mistakes.
09:10Yeah, and one of my biggest ones was fucking you.
09:14That was the case for domestic abuse.
09:17Are you still planning on stealing Ziggy? That's what I heard.
09:20I don't think so. Ziggy has lovely highlights and to defend him
09:23because on every newspaper they talk about his size.
09:26He's actually quite a good average size.
09:29When you say all the newspapers have been talking about his size,
09:32the FT barely mentioned it. Really?
09:35He's got a face like he's had a look inside a Hoover
09:38and it's come on, like at the wrong point.
09:43That's what he looks like.
09:46Tracy, you didn't think the relationship was for real, did you?
09:49Do you think it is now? No. It's proper wrong.
09:52Done her head in. She's 19. Done her head in.
09:55Did you see her go back into the house?
09:58Was she delivering pizzas already?
10:01She's not thick, you know. You've got those girls that are dead innocent
10:04and they don't know much about boys. She's had plenty of relationships.
10:07She knows what she's doing. Can I just clarify, are you being funny there?
10:11I can't wait to buy all the tea towels.
10:14I'm not being funny here, are I? Mugs and stuff like that.
10:17Actually, I'm getting my doll made and it goes,
10:20I'm a South-Eastern It girl. I'm not being funny, right? I'm loving it.
10:23Are they doing a doll of you? Yeah. Just one.
10:26And then they're going to burn it.
10:35Let's have a look and see if it's up there.
10:38Yes, it is.
10:41Yes, Ziggy and Chanel had an on-off relationship.
10:44Will they? Won't they? Who cares? No one.
10:47Chanel couldn't be here tonight because she wouldn't be in the same room as Charlie,
10:50unlike most celebrities who love Charlie.
10:53Excuse me, I'm not being funny, but since I've been out...
10:56Are you not being funny?
10:59Sorry, can I just... Let's just get some clarification.
11:02Are you being funny or not in this bit?
11:05Do you know what? Oh, my God, my phone's full of, like, R. Kelly,
11:08all of their names, and my phone dropped as well.
11:11Isn't R. Kelly on charges this week for pissing on a 14-year-old girl?
11:15Yeah.
11:22At the end of that round, Jason's team have one point,
11:25Sean's team have two points. Exciting.
11:28The next round is called the poll with a hole.
11:31Each statistic is missing one salient piece of information.
11:34It's now up to our panellists to fill in the gaps.
11:37Sean, James and Gerry, you want to go first?
11:4013% of viewers would like to see Big Brother impose a ban on what?
11:43Cameras.
11:46It's all in there, they think they're being filmed and they're not.
11:49And every time there's a camera and they look at it,
11:52you just squirt some water at it.
11:55I think it's very unfair, the twins, because most people are on their own,
11:58aren't they, and they've got an instant sort of familiar face.
12:02It seems slightly unfair that they've got that support there.
12:05Because you're obviously all a bit mad, aren't you, from being in there?
12:08Some of them were mad before they went in, I'll tell you.
12:11Some of them were.
12:14Me? Oh, no, I was normal.
12:17I did get hit on the head with a frying pan before I went in there.
12:20Was it a random attack on a moped?
12:23No, it was a professional hit, straight on the head.
12:26A professional hit?
12:30You're good at this, aren't I?
12:33Can I just, on behalf of everyone, I don't know who hit you with a pan,
12:36but just thank you.
12:39I'll give you a clue, Shabnam is covered in it.
12:42Make-up. Correct.
12:48Yes, 13% of viewers would like to impose a ban on make-up in the house.
12:51Shabnam wears a lot of make-up.
12:54What she doesn't realise is it's what's inside that counts.
12:58Jason, Danny, Charlie.
13:0131% of Brits say that Gerry reminds them of what?
13:04A kind of Tesco-valued George Michael.
13:07Is the right answer.
13:10Well done, Danny.
13:13I'm honoured. That's a normal guy.
13:16Yes, 31% of Brits say that Gerry reminds them of George Michael.
13:19That's fair enough, he's Greek, you're in a park, it's dark.
13:23There is, of course, currently a state of emergency in Greece.
13:26They're worried Gerry will go back.
13:29OK, 20% of Brits think Charlie should what?
13:32Only communicate by post.
13:40Tell more Kieran Richardson stories.
13:43There's not enough of them.
13:46I agree, baby.
13:49Tell more about the Manchester United number 33.
13:52Is he single? Me?
13:55Oh, actually, I'm going on a date, sorry, I forgot.
13:58Oh, right, damn, shit.
14:01Who are you going on a date with?
14:04I'm not telling you I'm going on a date, it's a secret.
14:07You'll probably read about it two days in the paper.
14:10I go to a restaurant and they're there and stuff like that.
14:13You may laugh, but the other day she got a free Big Mac.
14:17How did you know I was in McDonald's the other day, anyway?
14:22Oh, my God, it's amazing.
14:24Just a wild stab in the dark.
14:27OK, so I'll give you a clue.
14:29It's to do with the amount that she speaks.
14:31Stitch her lips together.
14:33She should stop being funny.
14:35She'll get her own show. Correct.
14:37Fuck off!
14:40The answer is 20% of Brits think Charlie should have her own talk show.
14:44No!
14:46Hey, think about it, it could be a game show where you get a prize
14:49if you get a word in edgeways.
14:51So, at the end of that round, it's four points for Sean, James and Gerry,
14:54three points for Jason, Danny and Charlie.
14:57Join me after the break when we'll be finding out
14:59who was the most entertaining housemate ever.
15:06Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
15:08Our next round is face-off.
15:10We've got six well-known Big Brother contestants here in the studio.
15:13We asked the public, which of these housemates
15:15would you most want to perform a brain surgery on you?
15:18Eugene will be a brilliant brain surgeon. I have faith in you.
15:21Yeah, he won't be able to fix your brain,
15:23but he'll be able to make you tune into Magic FM.
15:26Why would anyone want brain surgery? I don't get it.
15:28Why would anyone want brain surgery?
15:30It's more that you need it than you want it.
15:32It's very rare that anyone gets a cosmetic lobotomy.
15:37Although you may be the first.
15:40I think you could be significantly more attractive without the frontal lobe.
15:43How much does it cost to get that?
15:45How much does it cost? I'll pay for it.
15:48I'll tell you who's a real candidate for brain surgery.
15:51Let's have a look at him in action.
15:53Brian, say as many different words which have the same meaning as female.
15:58OK, female. Lady, woman, vagina...
16:04Vagina person.
16:07Breasts.
16:09Legs.
16:11And tits.
16:14Fanny.
16:16McButties.
16:18Wound people who have wounds.
16:21And they have great big jolongas.
16:25And...
16:30That's amazing.
16:33Can I just apologise to any vaginas that were watching and were offended by that?
16:39I didn't mean any respect to you or your oogity-boogities.
16:44You might be a wound person, you might be watching that thinking it's misogynistic,
16:47but, you know, you're probably a McFitty, so don't worry about it.
16:52I love the wound people. It just sounds like the cheapest Doctor Who baddies ever.
16:58Which of those do you want doing brain surgery on you?
17:00Eugene looks like he might collect brains.
17:04And also the skins of ex-girlfriends.
17:07He's never had a girlfriend.
17:10It's got to be Eugene, surely.
17:12You're going Eugene, OK?
17:13Yeah, Eugene.
17:14OK, you're going Eugene?
17:15You've got to go Eugene.
17:16There's no-one else.
17:17I can tell you that the housemate you would most want to perform brain surgery on you is indeed Eugene.
17:24What kind of a state is the NHS in when Eugene is performing brain surgery?
17:28Is John Tickle not available?
17:32We asked the public which one of these housemates would make the best pub landlord.
17:35Who do you think?
17:36Tracey.
17:37A pint of beer, avid.
17:39Sketchy.
17:40A pint of cider, avid.
17:43What's the food like?
17:45Sketchy.
17:48I could see Billy behind the bar in about a month.
17:55Which of these housemates would make the best pub landlord?
17:57I think any of them, as long as we get Kinga to bottle up.
18:05You're going to go with?
18:06Leah.
18:07You're going to go Leah?
18:08Yes.
18:09Tracey.
18:10Oh, I'm the captain here.
18:11Sorry.
18:12I think Tracey.
18:15I can tell you the answer is Leah.
18:20There are two enormous reasons why I'd go to Leah's pub.
18:23Good food, great atmosphere.
18:26That's right, she's named her tits.
18:30Which of these housemates' diaries you would most like to read?
18:32Who do you think got the most votes?
18:34I don't think anyone's diary I'd like to read.
18:36I'd rather actually lose my glasses.
18:46Whose diary would you like to read?
18:47I think Leah's.
18:48Because I'm interested in like the Second World War and stuff.
18:50So I think it'd be nice to get like a...
18:53Space builder! Space! Space!
18:55Leah's would be good, though, because it'd be kind of like...
19:12Jason, what are you going to go for?
19:14Which housemate's diary would you most like to read?
19:15You know a good autobiography when it's got a good title,
19:17like Columbo, Peter Forks, is called Just One More Thing,
19:20which is genius, right?
19:21So Nicky's should just be called Who Is She?
19:25And it'd be more of a colouring book than an actual autobiography, wouldn't it?
19:30You're going to go for Nicky, then, aren't you?
19:32Yeah, because Leah's I've read in Deirdre's photo case book, so...
19:38OK, so who are you going to go for? Whose diary do you think?
19:40What do you want to go for?
19:41I don't know. Well, I'd have said Nicky too, but I imagine that's the answer.
19:44You think Nicky?
19:45Yeah.
19:46The housemate whose diary the public would most like to read is Nicky!
19:50Well done, Steve.
19:51Points for both teams.
19:53So at the end of that round, it's five points for Jason's team
19:55and seven points for Sean's team.
20:00And the winner is, is the name of our final round.
20:02Here is your first one.
20:03Celebrity the public would most like to see in the Big Brother house.
20:07Is it Marcus Bentley, the Geordie bloke who does the voiceover?
20:10Because he'd be a laugh, wouldn't he, just walking around?
20:12Like, oh, I'm going to make some toast.
20:15Mamma o'jam, I decide.
20:18I'd be a laugh.
20:20I would just genuinely love to see how long it would take Charlie
20:22to get into an argument with Gandhi.
20:25Who's Gandhi?
20:26Brilliant.
20:28You say you've got a China wife, but you've never met Gandhi.
20:31Gandhi, he's like the hottest rapper ever.
20:33Yeah, man.
20:34Do you want to do, do you want to be a baller?
20:36A baller's a baller.
20:38You know, you know Gandhi.
20:41Is he hot?
20:42Yes!
20:43Is he single?
20:44He is fucking slamming, man.
20:47He's single.
20:48No, he's a player.
20:49Oh, excuse me, excuse me, I'm a player-holic, baby.
20:52I'll tell you who I would love to have seen in Big Brother this year.
20:54Yeah.
20:55Billy.
20:59I'll tell you what happened, Billy.
21:00I went to make a cup of tea, and I came back, and you were gone!
21:04Is it Mr. T?
21:06It is Mr. T.
21:08Genuinely, Mr. T.
21:11He's everybody's favourite, isn't he, Mr. T?
21:13I've got him doing the voice on me, Sat Nav.
21:15Which I've had for six months, and it never gets boring.
21:18Turn left, sucker!
21:21He's brilliant.
21:22He won't go to the airport.
21:23I think there's a little bug in it or something.
21:26Most entertaining housemate ever?
21:29Is Nicky.
21:30It has to be you, Nicky, because you were crying so much for a long time, and you were screaming.
21:35It was so sweet.
21:36She did cry on the train.
21:37That is the correct answer.
21:41Yes, the most entertaining housemate ever on Big Brother is Nicky.
21:44Let's have a look at her in action.
21:47I'm not fucking diving there!
21:53I can't get my MP3 player to work!
22:04Oh, it's working!
22:05It's working!
22:11My ulcer's gone so bad, it's not the tooth that's hurting now, it's the actual ulcer.
22:18It's there!
22:19Where my tooth is going down, I've made a hole in my teeth!
22:28Who is she? Who is she? Who is she?
22:36Every time I see Nicky on screen, I can't help thinking, wouldn't she make a brilliant girlfriend?
22:42Nicky, no offence, but you make the fourth bridge look low-maintenance.
22:47A lot of people blame Nicky's upbringing, but she was raised by Satan, and he did the best he could.
22:53Nicky, you're a drama queen.
22:55Yeah, but I wasn't raised by Satan.
22:58Well, how do you explain it, then?
23:00Well, I'm just a little bit eccentric.
23:04Sorry, Sean, is there a problem?
23:06No, no problem at all.
23:07I was just imagining some little crosshairs on there.
23:10It's like one of those jobs a sniper says,
23:12You put your money away!
23:16These ones are the housemates.
23:19Well, that sound tells me that it's the end of the round and the end of the show,
23:21which means the final scores are, Jason's team have six points,
23:24Sean's team are the winners with eight points, well done!
23:31Well, thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience,
23:33and to all of you for watching at home.
23:34That's it from us, goodnight!
23:41Over on E4, Ian Wright playing a blinder on Big Boyer's Big Mouth,
23:45next here on Channel 4, Bad Boy Earl, before the karma thing kicked in.