S02E30 - The Indian Affairs Affair
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. :
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00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
00:30I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
01:00How long has he been following you?
01:24Since I left the agency.
01:25Are there any more of them?
01:26I don't know.
01:28I have a car here in the alley.
01:40What is that?
01:41The cry of a wolf.
01:43A signal for the hunters to attack their prey.
01:57A wolf!
02:27Smoke signal?
02:56No.
02:57Looks like we might have an Indian uprising on our hands.
03:56You shouldn't be so modest, Mr. Solo.
04:08After all, saving Mr. Curiakan from a full-scale Indian attack.
04:13I'm sure he'd do the same for me.
04:18Ah, Mr. Solo.
04:19I was looking for you.
04:20Yes, sir.
04:22For some time now, our intelligence reports
04:25indicate that Thrush is on the verge of introducing some new kind of hydrogen bomb.
04:30I recall Dr. Yahama, top Thrush nuclear expert.
04:36We've just decoded the micro dot report you brought in from Oklahoma.
04:41It seems that Dr. Yahama has been tracked down to the cardiac Indian reservation
04:46outside of Oklahoma City.
04:48Why should the Indians make an attempt upon us?
04:50It seems this report indicates Chief Highcloud is missing.
04:54Thrush?
04:56A Thrush scientist engaged on a top project
04:59is sent to an Indian reservation without laboratory or staff.
05:04An Indian chief is missing and the tribe is reluctant to talk about any of it.
05:08Rather perplexing, isn't it?
05:10How perplexing is it?
05:12Mr. Curiakan will leave for the Indian reservation immediately.
05:18As for you, Mr. Solo,
05:20the chief has a daughter here in New York City.
05:24According to Mr. Clark, technically she's still a princess in the tribe.
05:29The tribe might talk to her.
05:32Here's her address.
05:34All right, I'll check on that.
05:47Come on!
06:04Come on!
06:11Come on!
06:14What's the trouble?
06:18It's the Indians. They want to talk to the chief.
06:20Getting restless, are they?
06:22Yeah.
06:24Send the chief in here.
06:29How's Dr. Yahama?
06:31He's just fine. I left him back at the shack with a man.
06:34Oh.
06:36This just came in off the relay.
06:39Let's see. Thrush Central.
06:41Confirms units from Nigeria, Bangkok, New Delhi, Kansas City.
06:47We'll be here tomorrow.
06:48They go on to say how important it is that the project see, etc., etc., etc.
06:52As if I didn't know.
06:56Ah, Chief Harclock.
06:59Chief, your people want to hear from you.
07:02To know that you're all right.
07:04I'm sure you wouldn't want them to worry.
07:07So...
07:10We're just going to make a phone call.
07:13I won't help you.
07:18Oh, yes, you will.
07:20Oh, I'm going to kill every last one of them.
07:23You'll kill them all anyway.
07:25My final answer is no.
07:27Get him out of here.
07:31Keep him under tight security and cut his rations down to bread and water.
07:38And take the television set out of his room!
07:41I remember something about the Chief having a daughter.
07:44Daughter, daughter.
07:45Where is she?
07:52There it is.
07:53She's in New York, and according to this letter,
07:57she says she has something to do with the preservation of Indian heritage in the dance.
09:12Hi.
09:13Did you get my card?
09:15Yes.
09:16Mr. Solo?
09:18Miss Highcloud?
09:20Look, I don't mean to pry, but our dossier on you said that you were a student.
09:25Yes, I am.
09:27But when the government cut back on the student loans, I had to get a part-time job.
09:31Now, what can I do for the UNCLD?
09:35Is there some place we could talk?
09:38I have to catch a one o'clock bus.
09:40Can you meet me outside?
09:41Fine.
09:50It's about your father.
09:51He's missing.
09:52I'm afraid he's been kidnapped.
09:53Kidnapped?
09:55Come on, now.
09:57Who would want to kidnap my father?
09:58Well, it's rather complicated.
10:00My car is around the corner, if you'll allow me to explain.
10:03Your car.
10:04I see.
10:07I see.
10:08I've heard a lot about you secret agents,
10:10taking girls away with you on the flimsiest of excuses.
10:15How do I know my father's been kidnapped?
10:19You'll just have to take my word for it.
10:21I think I'd like something a little more substantial if you won't mind.
10:24Carissa, he has disappeared.
10:25Now, and your tribe won't even talk to us about it.
10:27As a matter of fact, they seem to think that we're responsible.
10:28They nearly got scalped.
10:30Now, they might talk to you.
10:31What is this?
11:01Shh!
11:14Well, the bus service hasn't improved much, has it?
12:02Well, welcome to the L.C. Carson Historical Western Museum.
12:06Non-profit, of course.
12:08I'm L.C. Carson, Miss Highcloud.
12:11What's going on here?
12:13Where am I?
12:14You're in Oklahoma.
12:16Not far from the reservation of your people.
12:18Why did you bring me here?
12:20I represent an organization known as Thrush.
12:23Now, we're a large organization,
12:25and we're here to help you.
12:27I represent an organization known as Thrush.
12:30Now, we're a large organization with varied interests.
12:33Right now, we're interested in the cardiac reservation
12:35as a rendezvous of sorts.
12:38See, Thrush needs privacy.
12:40And the middle of the desert provides plenty of it,
12:42wouldn't you say?
12:44Oh, I see.
12:45What have you done with my father?
12:47He's here.
12:51We brought you to convince him to cooperate with us.
12:54I don't see how I can be of any help to you.
12:57I think you will.
13:00This is a hobby of mine.
13:02Oklahoma Massacre.
13:04An entire army unit was wiped out
13:07by a band of bloodthirsty hostiles.
13:10It was your people that committed the atrocity
13:13almost 100 years ago.
13:16That don't matter.
13:17Could have been last week for all they care.
13:20See, Indians don't have no gifts.
13:23Indians don't have no guilt.
13:25That's why they're still savages.
13:29Oh, Chief.
13:30Here's a little something we shipped in from New York.
13:33Your supposedly noble daughter
13:35carrying on a heritage of your people.
13:38This is how she's been exhibiting your tribal dances.
13:42In saloons.
13:44Stop it.
13:45It's not like that at all, Father.
13:48Well now, Chief.
13:50How about that little phone call?
13:58Well, Chief?
14:07The daughter of mine would not dishonor herself in this way.
14:12She is not my daughter.
14:21You shouldn't have done that.
14:23You're right.
14:24Perhaps my approach has been wrong.
14:27I should kill him and make it an object lesson
14:30to the rest of the tribe.
14:32Not a bad thought.
14:34Wait.
14:37What is it you want him to do?
14:40I want him to tell his people to cooperate with us
14:44by keeping silent and by keeping strong.
14:47Let me talk to him.
14:48I can convince him.
14:50Just give me a little time to get back in his favor.
14:53All right.
14:54You have until 6 o'clock this evening.
14:57I promise the tribe to make the Chief available to them
15:00by sundown.
15:04Could you find some different clothes for me?
15:06Something a little less radical?
15:12I'm sorry, Chief.
15:14Something a little less radical?
15:19I think I can find something appropriate.
15:44Kuriakin here.
15:46I don't want to startle you, but I'm at a place called
15:49the L.C. Carson Historical Western Museum
15:52not far from the reservation.
15:54What are you doing there?
15:56Thrush staged a kidnap attempt on the Chief's daughter.
16:00Are you trying to tell me that they staged a successful attempt?
16:04With my usual foresight, I affixed a homing device to her coat.
16:08I assumed they would take her to the Chief.
16:11I allowed them to kidnap her.
16:13Well, I'll accept that story for the moment.
16:16What are you doing now?
16:18I'm going to check out their security.
16:20You might as well proceed on to the reservation.
16:22The transportation supplied by our Tulsa office
16:25is not exactly of the most up-to-date,
16:27but I'll drive in and let you know what I find
16:30in the way of Japanese scientists.
16:32All right.
16:41♪
16:46♪
16:51♪
16:56♪
17:01♪
17:06♪
17:09You just went through the gate.
17:11♪
17:16♪
17:21♪
17:26♪
17:31♪
17:36♪
17:41♪
17:46♪
17:51♪
17:56♪
18:01♪
18:06♪
18:11♪
18:16♪
18:21♪
18:26♪
18:31♪
18:36♪
18:41♪
18:47Father?
18:52I brought you some tea.
19:02Father, I want you to try and understand about my dancing.
19:07It's not wrong what I do.
19:10I do it during my lunch hour.
19:12I had hoped you'd return to us.
19:15Please, Father. I could never return.
19:18Not to live, anyway.
19:20I just couldn't undertake that change in culture.
19:24I know.
19:26I suppose that's what angered me.
19:29Do you have a good life in New York?
19:32Yes. I guess so.
19:35But you're not sure.
19:37You're not supposed to be happy in New York.
19:39You're supposed to be lonesome.
19:42♪
19:47You know, I'm supposed to convince you to help those men.
19:52I know.
20:00Well, I guess all we can do is wait
20:03and hope the man from Uncle can find us somehow.
20:07The man from what?
20:09♪
20:12♪
20:17Carisma?
20:19Mr. Solo, where are you?
20:21I'm just outside the museum grounds.
20:23How are you and the Chief?
20:25Fine, so far.
20:26Do you know what your hosts are doing on the reservation?
20:29No. They just want Father to keep the tribe in line
20:31with the reservation.
20:33Do you know what your hosts are doing on the reservation?
20:35No. They just want Father to keep the tribe in line
20:37until tomorrow.
20:38Until tomorrow?
20:39All right, you and the Chief be very cooperative.
20:41I have a man on the museum grounds.
20:43I should be hearing from him soon.
20:51You will tell us who you are,
20:53why you have come to this place,
20:56what you want.
21:00If you don't talk,
21:02then soon will come the giant red ants
21:05drawn by the sweet smell of your pale skin.
21:08The ants will come and burrow under your flesh.
21:14I looked everywhere, but I can't find any giant red ants.
21:18There have to be some somewhere.
21:20I think they were killed off by the crop dusting last year.
21:25If you gentlemen will indulge me a minute.
21:28My name is Ilya Kuryakin.
21:30I found my identification card in my wallet over there in my jacket.
21:34And that piece of equipment that the gentleman has there,
21:38that was my communicator.
21:41Listen, if you will untie my bonds,
21:43I will show you how we can rescue your Chief.
21:45Why should we do what you say?
21:47We don't know you.
21:49You have to follow me.
21:51Why?
21:53Because I have the plan.
22:00I have the plan.
22:30How are you, Dr. Yamaha?
22:32I'm fine.
22:34I'm fine.
22:36I'm fine.
22:38I'm fine.
22:40I'm fine.
22:42I'm fine.
22:44I'm fine.
22:46I'm fine.
22:48I'm fine.
22:50I'm fine.
22:52I'm fine.
22:54I'm fine.
22:56I'm fine.
22:58How are you, Dr. Yamaha?
23:00Would you like some raw fish?
23:02No, thanks.
23:04Everything quiet?
23:06I received confirmation today that the units are on their way.
23:10We'll have your bomb assembled and out of here by noon tomorrow.
23:13I must say, I'll be most happy to leave this place.
23:29Who's in charge here?
23:35We have come to speak with Chief.
23:37Just a minute. I'll put you through to him.
23:45Wait.
23:47I have a letter for you.
23:49What is it?
23:51It's a letter from the Chief.
23:53It's a letter from the Chief.
23:56Wait.
23:58We do not wish to speak with Chief on your device.
24:01What do you mean by that?
24:03We have decided.
24:05I will go as delicate to discuss tribal matters with Chief.
24:08Now, just a minute.
24:10We have decided.
24:12Why can't you just talk to him over this phone?
24:15The voice can be recorded.
24:17I have been personally tricked that way by the telephone company many times.
24:26We got a problem here, Mr. Carson.
24:28What kind of a problem?
24:31It's the Indians. They won't talk to the Chief over the phone.
24:34They want to send a little beaver here in for a powwow.
24:39All right. Anything to keep those animals quiet.
24:43Send the delegate in here.
24:47I should have known better than try to deal with savages.
24:51You can't tell them apart.
24:53They all act alike.
24:55Oh, I don't know.
25:00You keep your people out of sight until you hear from me.
25:05Let's go.
25:21Let's go.
25:48Solo here.
25:50Our communications people have been trying for the last two hours.
25:53We haven't been able to get in touch with Mr. Kuriakin either.
25:56What would you suggest, sir?
25:58Well, we'll just have to stay on the alert, I'm afraid.
26:01Our intelligence reports that various Thrush personnel are moving into the Oklahoma area.
26:06Ah. So the Z Project is gaining momentum.
26:09Possibly.
26:11That's what we have to find out.
26:13If Thrush does have a new silver bomb, this will be our chance to get it.
26:17All right. I'll keep an eye on things here.
26:20You let me know if you hear from Ilya.
26:22I'll be leaving for our Tulsa office in the morning.
26:24You can reach me there.
26:47Let's go.
27:17Let's go.
27:48Tell Mr. Carson the delegate's here to meet with the chief.
27:53Got a visitor for you, chief.
28:04Something wrong?
28:06I come to speak for counsel, chief.
28:10I see.
28:32I see.
28:40Would you like for me to repeat that?
28:48Mr. Carson wants to see the girl right away.
28:55I'll be right back.
28:58You two can go on with your conference.
29:02There's another of your men outside.
29:06He talked to us with this.
29:08Communicator dart.
29:10Fired it through the window, I suppose.
29:12Yes.
29:13Yes, my friend is always showing off.
29:15He's got a gun.
29:17He's got a gun.
29:19He's got a gun.
29:21He's got a gun.
29:23He's got a gun.
29:25He's got a gun.
29:27He's got a gun.
29:29He's got a gun.
29:30My friend is always showing off.
29:33Open channel D.
29:37Come in, Napoleon.
29:39What's wrong?
29:42I don't know.
29:44Anyway...
30:01We'll have to get to that telephone across the hall.
30:04I think it's time that we called our Tulsa office.
30:09I think it's about time we had some reinforcements.
30:12What shall we do?
30:14I suggest you put your ear to the floor here.
30:19Then you can hear when the guard leaves.
30:21Really?
30:23Yes, it's an old Indian trick.
30:25Yes, it's an old Indian trick.
30:41I was just about to pour a drink.
30:44No, thank you.
30:46I didn't offer you one.
30:50Come here.
30:53Come on.
30:55Come over here.
31:03Over here.
31:06Clean it up, Squaw.
31:08I don't have any rags on me.
31:36Let me go.
31:38My granddaddy hated Indians.
31:40So did my daddy. So do I.
31:42But one must know his enemies.
31:44And I've always known the secret ways of the savage red man.
31:47Let me go.
31:49Today, the white man is burdened.
31:51His vitality is ebbing away.
31:53While you Indians still keep your savage strength.
31:56You need a psychiatrist, mister.
31:58There's some kind of a first-class psychiatrist.
32:00I don't know.
32:02You need a psychiatrist, mister.
32:04There's some kind of a first-class cook.
32:06I know you Indians possess the secret.
32:09I want it.
32:13Give me your heritage.
32:33Help me.
32:40Stay away from me.
32:47I'll shoot.
32:49Not with that, you won't. It ain't loaded.
33:02I'll shoot.
33:33He said the gun wasn't loaded.
33:35They always say that. Which way to the chief?
33:41Operator, this is an emergency.
33:43I need a scrambled line.
33:48All right, chief, we're going to make a break for it.
33:50Stay behind me.
33:56What are you doing, generally speaking?
33:58What are you doing, generally speaking?
34:00I'm putting through a call for help.
34:02And you better try shouting,
34:04because we just cut the phone lines.
34:16Sorry to break up your little costume party.
34:23How?
34:28How?
34:59What's our next move?
35:01Well, it would be very appropriate if we could escape now,
35:03but I'm a little too securely tied myself.
35:06Napoleon?
35:08Well, I'm not having much luck, either.
35:10I've had my men check out the entire area.
35:13Not a sign of any Uncle Agents besides these two.
35:16I'm going out to the reservation to meet the scientists.
35:22I'm going out to the reservation to meet the scientists.
35:25I'm going out to meet the scientists.
35:55I'm trying to find the right kind of music.
36:13All right.
36:15Go ahead, just like it was your lunch hour.
36:26Well, what do you want me to do?
36:28First order, Jet.
36:30Have it pick me up at the shack at 1 o'clock.
36:32Have it pick me up at the shack at 1 o'clock.
36:34Then close everything down here and burn the place down.
36:37Put them inside.
36:51Back to work, Napoleon.
36:53All right.
36:55Just as you say.
37:04I did it!
37:06All right.
37:08For your next number, you untie me.
37:24We're going to have to make this quick, Doctor.
37:38Well, now.
37:40Although you've been working in different countries,
37:42independent of each other,
37:45Dr. Yahama here has been your director.
37:53If you will put the boxes on the table in front of me.
38:05Now, if you will please unlock them.
38:45Not one of you realized it,
38:47but you were all working in a joint effort
38:50to develop a new style nuclear weapon.
38:53Hydrogen
39:18A hydrogen device
39:21an equivalent to any Russian or American bomb.
39:25But it has an obvious, crucial difference.
39:29Its size, small enough to carry in a briefcase.
39:38Yes, gentlemen, we've done it.
39:41We've transistorized a hydrogen bomb.
39:48Let's go, into the back of the truck. Hurry it up!
39:52That's the last of them.
40:16What was that?
40:17That's a new combination of sleep gas and deodorant.
40:21I'm afraid all the phone lines are down.
40:23They're probably assembling their Z project right now.
40:26All right, we'll need some of your men.
40:32I'll escort them down to the reservation gate.
40:37I should be back here before the jet arrives.
40:39Banzai!
40:55The hydrogen device is in one of these briefcases.
40:58Since you'll be going in your separate directions once you leave the reservation,
41:02it is a convenient security precaution.
41:06The combination to your briefcase is waiting for each of you in your home country.
41:11But I must warn you,
41:13if the briefcase is open without the combination,
41:17and it does not contain the device,
41:19nothing will happen.
41:21However, if the briefcase is open,
41:25and it is the one with the device,
41:28the hydrogen device will be triggered.
41:32So be careful, gentlemen.
42:03Stop here.
42:18Get the guns out of the trunk and distribute them to the men.
42:22Get the guns out of the trunk and distribute them to the men.
42:44These are all the men I could find.
42:46All right, that'll do.
42:51Indians.
42:52Pull the cars into a line.
42:54We're going to charge straight through them.
42:57Like the Oklahoma massacre.
42:59Only this time we're going to win.
43:01All right, now all of you Indians line up in front of me.
43:09Straight line.
43:19All right.
43:21Take out your guns.
43:24Hang your guns in the air.
43:28Charge!
43:51Charge!
44:13There's my jet.
44:15Pull the cars in a cycle.
44:22All right, we got them to take a stand.
44:24Let's close in on them.
44:51Charge!
44:52Charge!
44:53Charge!
44:54Charge!
44:55Charge!
44:56Charge!
44:57Charge!
44:58Charge!
44:59Charge!
45:00Charge!
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45:45Charge!
45:46Charge!
45:47Charge!
45:48Charge!
45:50I found one of these in each of the trucks.
45:54So now I guess I've got to pick out which one, huh?
45:57Well, if you're lucky enough to open the right one,
46:00you're gonna blow up this half of Oklahoma.
46:03What do you suggest I do, then?
46:08I know where the combination is at the shack.
46:10If you let me go, I'll...
46:12show you where it is.
46:14I see.
46:16It's that simple, huh?
46:17Ah, I think I get the general idea.
46:20I used a similar ploy about three years ago in Morocco.
46:32Hmm?
46:34Well, it wasn't in that one.
46:36It was in the spring, as I recall.
46:39Three years ago. Similar situation.
46:43Hmm?
46:45The problem was to get some secret information out.
46:50Hmm?
46:52That sort of narrows it down, doesn't it?
46:56Well, to make a long story short, I devised a plan.
47:09It's just what you've done, Carson.
47:10Instead of giving it to my couriers, I took it out myself.
47:25Well, Mr. Zollo, I hope you don't mind my interrupting your expedition.
47:30No, sir, no. How did you get here?
47:33I was in Tulsa, waiting for your call.
47:36We heard of a thrush jet heading this way.
47:38We commandeered it.
47:40And I think we'll find the hydrogen device at their shack.
47:44Oh, we have that already.
47:46Yes, Dr. Yahama was persuaded to hand it over to us.
47:50All right, take this man to the trading post and arrange for a security pick-up.
47:54Take the rest of these men along.
47:57Well, there must be a very good reason for your being dressed up like this, Mr. Kuriakin.
48:03I'm anxious to read about it in your report.
48:08I won't forget this.
48:18Uh, this is Chief Highcloud and his daughter, Charisma.
48:22This is Mr. Alexander Waverly.
48:24Pleasure, sir.
48:26Well, Miss Highcloud, I expect you're anxious to return to New York.
48:30Yes.
48:32I suppose you must go back.
48:33Then as your chief and your father,
48:36I must pass on to you the key to happiness.
48:40Wherever you are to live,
48:42find yourself a nice Indian boy and settle down.
48:48I don't think you have anything to worry about.
49:03I don't think you have anything to worry about.
49:33I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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