Reading My Most Ridiculous OKCupid Messages
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00:00Hey guys, bye Roger.
00:09So I kind of want to start off the video by saying I'm really sorry that I haven't been
00:14here for the past two weeks.
00:16I've been in the process of a lot of things so I do, I do apologize, okay?
00:23I know this is not the scheduled day for me to do my video but I feel like I have not
00:28put up anything so I needed to put up something and I'm like, what can I do?
00:32And then it dawned on me, OkCupid.
00:35For those of you that don't know, OkCupid is like a dating site and you can, it's an
00:39app essentially on the phone, I think it's also available on desktop, I'm sure it is.
00:43Basically it's just, you know, you find your matches, it's all the same bullshit as the
00:47rest of them.
00:48I heard good things from my, you know, family and friends and they were like, yeah, this
00:51is great, and I was like, okay, let me try it.
00:52So the point of this video, as I'm sure you can tell, is I'm gonna read to you the fucking
00:57most bizarre messages that I've gotten on there because it's pretty ridiculous.
01:01I have a hair in my mouth.
01:04It's pretty ridiculous.
01:05I have just, I really haven't, I have not really, I have not met anyone yet off of the
01:11app and I don't really use it for that, I almost use it more for comedy, maybe I'll
01:16get a good story out of it, something like that.
01:18It's just been nothing but just me making fun of the people.
01:21Don't get me wrong, I have four brothers, I grew up around all men, I know how hard
01:24it is for a man to put himself out there and to say, hey, I really would like to speak
01:29to you, I think you're beautiful, I think you're this and that.
01:31It is a risk of being shut down, being rejected, so I understand that, I'm not ridiculing anyone
01:36because of that.
01:37I'm ridiculing them because I just think it's so silly that they take their one first impression
01:42opportunity and say the shit that they've told me.
01:44I'm gonna go ahead without further ado and just start reading you these fucking messages.
01:48You make my heart melt, exclamation point.
01:52That is cheesier than fucking cheesy ass pizza.
01:57I'm really bad at analogies.
01:58I like you eyes, dot dot dot.
02:01They are so deep, dot dot dot.
02:03They go through the screen, dot dot dot.
02:05I'm a sommelier, very strong on champagne, dot dot dot.
02:10I love champagne, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.
02:13When can we have some together, question mark, exclamation point, question mark, lol.
02:17Christian.
02:18What the fuck?
02:21My eyes go through the screen?
02:23Fucking do they really?
02:24Like what?
02:25No.
02:26Hmm.
02:27Roar.
02:28Period.
02:29Are you fucking kidding me?
02:32Next.
02:33You're stupid.
02:34That's his message.
02:37Here comes the double whopper of a message.
02:40Jessica, hi.
02:41I just wanted to explain something.
02:42I have been searching for a nice girl like you for some time now.
02:45You are definitely my type.
02:46Can I go the extra mile for the girl that I will adore?
02:49I am simple guy.
02:50I am easy going and adventurous.
02:52I am simple guy.
02:54I am a gentleman and I have a great sense of humor.
02:56I guarantee you will not get bored with me.
02:58Too late, already bored.
03:00Next message.
03:01Seriously though, I, I, you know, this, just don't, don't send fucking essays of messages.
03:08Those are all him.
03:09That's beginning.
03:11That's end.
03:12Like, no.
03:13Don't do that.
03:14I don't want to be mean, but it's like, you're taking time out of your day and all you're
03:19going to do is like thoroughly creep someone out.
03:21You don't start a conversation with an essay of how you want to like fall in love with
03:25them.
03:26No.
03:27Next message.
03:29You are gorgeous.
03:31Message me girl.
03:32Gorgeous is spelled G-O-E-R-G-E-O-U-S.
03:39Next message.
03:40Hola.
03:41Como estas?
03:42Just checked your profile and I liked it.
03:43It looks like you have beautiful eyes and your hair smells like cinnamon.
03:46Haha.
03:47You should check mine and if you would like to chat, reply back, have a good one.
03:50I never mention anything about cinnamon on my profile.
03:55What the fuck?
03:56Hey again.
03:57To begin with this is my third and last time creating an account.
04:01The first was due to the fact that a good friend recommended the website and at the
04:04time I did not pay much attention to it at first, but loneliness just took over me and
04:07created the first account.
04:09That's attractive.
04:10I will not lie now.
04:11After a while, that loneliness was being controlled with the hope of finding a good heart I could
04:15come to forever love.
04:16But that hope was lost when I noticed no one really consider, I'm reading it exactly as
04:21he wrote it.
04:22He didn't say considered.
04:23He said consider.
04:24No one really consider establishing a true relationship.
04:26One that was bounded by love and happiness and kept alive through hope and friendship.
04:31I ended up deleting it because I stumbled with my first lover.
04:34The woman I thought I would devote my life to loving her and nurturing her heart, but
04:39things did not go quite right.
04:41And now she walks a different path than my own as I wish her all the best with much love.
04:46What the fuck?
04:47It goes on and on about just fucking, what the, what?
04:51I don't, honestly, I just don't understand what goes through people's brains.
04:54Next message.
04:55Oh my gosh, you absolutely have the cutest butt I've ever seen, haha.
05:00Yeah, that'll seal the deal.
05:02Next.
05:03Let Skyper, S-K-Y-P-R, show me your talents, you're a spelled U-R.
05:10Just fucking, just fucking kill me.
05:12Just fucking kill me.
05:13LOL, what kind of videos do you make?
05:15Because I put on my profile that I make videos that didn't specify.
05:18You probably get asked that a lot, but only answer me.
05:21Fuck all those other guys.
05:22Yeah, that's cute.
05:25Red flag fucking flashing in my fucking eyes.
05:27Fuck, fuck, fuck.
05:28How many times can I say fuck in one sentence?
05:30This is the next message.
05:31And personally, my favorite.
05:32I've seen your videos, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
05:36They suck.
05:38Let's go out.
05:39I actually considered it.
05:40Next.
05:41I see you like pizza.
05:43I work at Papa John's, LOL.
05:45Woot?
05:46No, woot.
05:47No, fuck, fuck your woot.
05:48No.
05:49No.
05:50Loud and proud.
05:51I work at Papa John's.
05:52I'm gonna bring you pizza.
05:54This is the last message.
05:55You like South Park, Anchorman, and you're beautiful.
05:58Can you saw love at first sight?
06:00Then he corrects himself.
06:01Say.
06:02I didn't answer.
06:03Then the next day, he said, that didn't even make you slightly interested?
06:07Like, if he was genuinely, genuinely in his soul, like, believed that that was gonna
06:13get me, and he's like, so dumbfounded by the fact that it didn't, it didn't, didn't rope
06:18me in.
06:19So, that's all the ones that I screenshotted.
06:20I didn't feel like, honestly, going through all of them, and I've gotten quite a bit not
06:24to toot my own horn, and as you can see, they're all capers.
06:28But yes, that's pretty much it for this week's video, and again, I'm so sorry that I've been
06:32late.
06:33It will not happen again.
06:34I'm not gonna, like, promise or anything.
06:37So yeah, subscribe to my channel.
06:38I put out videos every Tuesdays, sometimes, and yeah, that's pretty much it.
06:44Thank you all for watching.
06:45Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Mama's house, Daddy's house, too much swag for my mouth.
06:50I don't even know what the fuck that was.
06:51All right, see you next week.
06:52Bye.