The Hilarious House of Frightenstein - Episode 001
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Art et designTranscription
00:00Un autre beau jour commence
00:14Pour tous ceux avec la peau bleue
00:19Alors fermez vos yeux et vous verrez
00:23Que vous êtes arrivé à Freidenstein
00:27Peut-être que le Comte trouvera un moyen
00:31Pour faire fonctionner son monstre aujourd'hui
00:35Si il résoudra ce monstre
00:39Il pourra revenir à Transylvanie
00:43Alors bienvenue où le soleil ne brillera pas
00:47Au castle du Comte Freidenstein
00:57Le Comte Freidenstein
01:03Le Comte Freidenstein
01:23Oh, ça ne me fait pas de différence
01:27Vivre ou mourir, je n'en ai pas de choix
01:31Oh, somebody spun the top! Well, Igor, you're late again as usual. What is your excuse this time?
01:49I'm sorry, master, but I was outside on the lawn.
01:52Outside on the lawn?
01:53Yes, master.
01:54How very interesting.
01:56At this moment, it is the time to lower the flag. Raise the flag, rather.
02:02Whatever you like, master.
02:03Do what you're told.
02:04Yes.
02:05Never mind what I say. Do it.
02:06Right, master.
02:07For now, we will sing the national anthem.
02:09Right, master.
02:10Now, master, pick up the tempo.
02:14Jean Kelly, eat your heart out.
02:36I pledge by the side of the three-toed sloth that I will do my best to do my duty to
02:42always obey the laws of the world and to never rest until Bruce leaves once more and
02:48takes his place, his rightful place, in the annals of distinguished manslaughter.
02:54And I can once again return to that most glorious of homelands.
02:58Glory, glory, Transylvania, as we go...
03:08Stop!
03:10Appelé!
03:11Go ahead.
03:14Throoooooooooooo!
03:21Good, master.
03:22Your father was perhaps a riveter?
03:25I made the funny.
03:26The cunts made the funny.
03:27Very funny.
03:28Kiss you.
03:31Now, explain yourself.
03:32You're outside doing what?
03:33Well, master, I was outside standing on the lawn, and you said I should always try and
03:39make myself useful, so I was practicing to be a water sprinkler.
03:44Say good night, Igor.
03:46Good night, Igor.
03:47Oh, this is not wonderful.
03:49It is written that he who seeks the third eye of truth only finds the half-truth in
04:03the teachings of the sacred cow.
04:10The professor called the other day, excited as can be.
04:14He had a new experiment he wanted to show me.
04:17He said it dealt with physics and the laws of energy.
04:21He then put on some boxing gloves and said, I'm A, you're B.
04:27His theory was momentum causes action where it goes, and he proved it rather quickly
04:33when his gloves smashed in my nose.
04:36I must say he's a brilliant man whose praises I will shout, for rarely has a
04:41demonstration ever knocked me out.
04:44I gotta get out of the rain.
04:50I am the professor, the professor, Julius Sumner Miller.
05:07How do you do, ladies and gentlemen, men and women and people?
05:11I am the real, even though this is a house,
05:15a castle of extremely strange things.
05:20We continue from our first recitation on the strange behavior
05:26of thermally excited pipes.
05:29You remember what we had?
05:32We had a metal pipe in which I lodged a screen, a wire gauze,
05:38and we applied some thermal energy there.
05:41We heated it, and in this position the pipe sang,
05:45and in this position it did not.
05:48We need to say a word about that because there is even
05:54some explanation for things magical.
05:58Let me draw the pipe again.
06:01Here it is, and I put a screen in it,
06:05and then I put some energy thermally, I heated it.
06:09Now, what is the origin of sound as from my voice here?
06:14A compressional wave, a compressional wave.
06:23Indeed, may I suggest you do as follows.
06:26Hold your hand in front of your mouth in such a manner
06:29and talk loud and strong.
06:32And you feel the changes in pressure on your hand
06:36created by the air emerging from your lungs
06:39and formed into words such as you now hear
06:42by the shape of your mouth and the presence of your teeth
06:45and where your tongue is and how your lips are put together.
06:49It is all a wonderful thing to inquire into.
06:53So, I heated the screen.
06:56Instantly air passing up my constipation,
07:00instantly air passing up my convection was heated,
07:03so there went successively up the pipe
07:06some condensations and rarefactions.
07:13Now, these are pretty big words for young people,
07:17and so I suggest you explore them with your teacher,
07:20you read in physics books, and you look them up yourself.
07:25So, thus was the sound produced.
07:28Now, those pipes were metal pipes,
07:31and we have even something more strange indeed.
07:35Here is a cardboard pipe,
07:38and I'd like the camera to look at me through this pipe
07:43and see my face.
07:45Yes, where am I?
07:47There's my nose.
07:49Most obvious.
07:51Now, that pipe, we would say, is empty.
07:54Ho, ho! No, no, no!
07:57That pipe has air in it, so it is not empty.
08:02Indeed, somebody might say, it is filled with air.
08:05No, it is not that, because we could put more in it.
08:10So, what am I pointing out?
08:12We must be very precise in our language
08:15for it to have a proper meaning.
08:17Now, remember, in the metal pipes, I heated the screen,
08:21then I took the pipe away.
08:23Watch this.
08:24It is going to sing while we energize it,
08:28while we heat it.
08:29Watch, listen.
08:36Oh, no hurt.
08:41Notice we have some air.
08:44That's all right.
08:45We have trouble.
08:46Of course, science, physics.
08:48A longer pipe.
08:53Sounds like a steamboat on the Mississippi.
08:56Now I'm going to get a longer one.
08:59A very long one.
09:01A very... goes to the top of the studio.
09:05In fact, I'm going to have trouble.
09:13And so, we are led to another kind of inquiry.
09:17Why do these cardboard pipes sing
09:20while they are being excited?
09:22Whereas the metal pipes sing
09:24after they are excited.
09:26And to this, we shall return
09:28in another program
09:30with much more exciting things to explore.
09:33And I thank you for watching.
09:35I like the professor.
09:37Fierce.
09:50Don't be cruel to toads.
10:03Now in its 23rd year,
10:06presenting the greatest eternal entertainment.
10:11It's the Igor Sullivan Show.
10:20Oh, we are...
10:21Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
10:24Welcome to the really, really big show.
10:29Very funny.
10:30And now to get the show off with a flying start,
10:33we bring out as our first guest
10:36the star of stage, screen and TV.
10:41Who?
10:42The famous...
10:44Let's hear it for Igor Sullivan.
10:52Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
10:55And now, ladies and gentlemen,
10:56to start my show
10:57for my very, very first impression.
11:03Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
11:05And to carry on,
11:06more seriously, folks,
11:07I would like to do now
11:08an impression of the famous
11:10cowboy, cowpoke actor,
11:12John Wayne.
11:17Well, kid,
11:18you'd better form the swaggons
11:21into a circle.
11:24Now for my very next impression,
11:27here's Jimmy Stewart.
11:30Well, kid,
11:31you'd better form the swaggons
11:34into a circle.
11:38Thank you.
11:39And now, very kind, very kind.
11:41And now, here is Kirk Douglas.
11:48Well, kid,
11:49you'd better form the swaggons
11:52into a circle.
11:54Thank you, thank you.
11:55And now,
11:56my most difficult impression,
11:59Zsa Zsa Gabor.
12:05Well, kid,
12:06I was married 37 times,
12:09and you'd better form the swaggons
12:11into a circle.
12:18Well, kid,
12:19you'd better form the swaggons
12:22into a circle.
12:26Perfect!
12:30And now,
12:31the most frightening part
12:32of our show.
12:42Fantastic!
12:45Wow!
12:49Griselda tried
12:50French cooking,
12:51which was not
12:52the thing to do.
12:54Griselda
12:55doesn't know
12:56her boule de baie
12:57is from Beuf Ragu.
12:59She decided
13:00that French pancakes
13:02were the only thing
13:03to cook.
13:04Then she hunted
13:05for the recipe
13:06in her old
13:07French cookbook.
13:08They didn't turn out
13:09quite the way
13:10that French pancakes
13:11ought to be.
13:12They looked
13:13and smelled
13:14and tasted
13:15just like cardboard,
13:17actually.
13:18But when cooking
13:19from French cookbooks
13:20to avoid
13:21a gourmet stench,
13:23you must follow
13:24each direction,
13:26and it helps
13:28if you speak French.
13:44Hi!
13:45I'm Griselda,
13:46the gourmet,
13:47and this is Slibber,
13:48my mode
13:49of transportation.
13:50Watch it go!
13:54I love to film
13:55every time.
13:56All right,
13:57here we go.
13:58Mixtures
13:59keep exploding
14:00in my soul.
14:02But that doesn't mean
14:03that Griselda's
14:04going on the road.
14:05Cooking is the game.
14:09Why go on
14:10when it's so bad
14:11but beautiful?
14:14Come in!
14:15Boom!
14:18Oh, cute, cute!
14:19Here we go!
14:20Now, we've got
14:21a wonderful thing
14:22for you today.
14:23What we're going
14:24to make today
14:25is called
14:26Pine Tree Peat
14:27Poverty Paquois
14:28Kwan Pilford
14:29Parted Powered
14:31People Powered
14:32Powdered Porridge.
14:34Something like
14:35Peter Parker
14:36picked a peck
14:37of pickled peppers.
14:38Oh, I don't think
14:39I can get that up.
14:40Well, anyway,
14:41now how does it go?
14:42Whoo-hoo-hoo!
14:43Right, okay.
14:44Now, first,
14:45we're going to take
14:46this little mixer here.
14:48Then, we're going
14:49to take some
14:50of our tomatoes.
14:51Put them in here.
14:52Then, we will
14:53crush them.
14:54Good.
14:55There it is.
14:56Now, that's done.
14:57We, therefore...
14:58Oh, what's this?
14:59Oh!
15:00Oaky and oaky oil.
15:02Well, it's oaky
15:03with me.
15:04Ha-ha-ha-ha!
15:06Too much!
15:07Oh!
15:08Out of sight!
15:09Out of sight!
15:10Absolutely!
15:11And now,
15:12we take another one
15:13because I saw it coming.
15:14Ha-ha-ha-ha!
15:15Got it again.
15:16Now, here's
15:17a little...
15:18Oh!
15:19Pickled bat feet.
15:20Too much!
15:21Love it!
15:22Love it!
15:23Whoop!
15:24There we go.
15:25Next few.
15:26Whoo-hoo-hoo!
15:27Whoo-hoo-hoo!
15:28Oh!
15:29Sometimes, I think
15:30I'm going batty.
15:31Whoo-hoo-hoo!
15:32Whoo!
15:33Anybody!
15:34Eat your heart out.
15:35Ha-ha-ha-ha!
15:36Oh!
15:37Oh, it's so hard
15:38to be beautiful
15:39and talented, too.
15:40What do we...
15:41Oh!
15:42Will you stop
15:43trying to make
15:44that thing croak?
15:45Oh!
15:46Oh, you poor little thing.
15:47Ha-ha-ha-ha!
15:50All right!
15:51Here we go.
15:52Now, as you know,
15:53making anything so hard,
15:54I mean,
15:55you can't even
15:56get it out
15:57of my mouth.
15:58So, we need
15:59something very involved
16:00to mix with it.
16:01In this case,
16:02Charlie's chicken soup.
16:04Ha-ha-ha-ha!
16:06Oh!
16:07Isn't that dumb?
16:08So, here,
16:09we're going to take
16:10the Charlie's chicken soup
16:11and we're going to put it
16:12in the cauldron.
16:13Ha-ha-ha!
16:14Ha-ha-ha!
16:15Ha-ha-ha!
16:16Right on!
16:17Oh!
16:18Ha-ha-ha!
16:19Ha-ha-ha!
16:20Now, I'm going
16:21right over
16:22to the old cauldron now.
16:23Here we go!
16:24Woo-hoo!
16:25Boom!
16:26Boom!
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22:01It's just beyond me. I don't know what to do with Brucie anymore.
22:05I've given him everything I can.
22:07Love, affection, experiments, surgical instruments.
22:12I know. There's only one thing to do now.
22:15That's to go back to the good old standards.
22:18I want you to go and get my great-grandfather's diary,
22:21so that I may seek his words of wisdom.
22:25There it's in the usual place.
22:28Yes, sir.
22:29Ah, Brucie. What do you want from me?
22:33What is it, big fella?
22:35I've given you everything. Love, affection, kindness.
22:39Even a kiss now and then.
22:42Why don't you work?
22:44Maybe I should use reverse psychology on you, huh?
22:47You want me, the Count, to get mad?
22:49You ever seen me mad? I really get mad, you know.
22:53All right, Brucie. I'm going to get mad at you.
22:56Get ready, big fella, because here it comes.
23:02Try to hurt the Count, huh? Get ready.
23:08That is a great deal of pain there.
23:10Master, what happened? Did you hurt your hand?
23:13No, no, Igor.
23:15I had the manicure, and I'm just letting the nails dry.
23:19I have the words of wisdom, young master.
23:21Just read.
23:22Just read.
23:46But that doesn't help me.
23:48He's not finished yet.
23:50Then continue and let me hear the other pearls of wisdom that my grandfather wrote.
23:55He then wrote, I think I am going bonkers.
24:00It still doesn't help me any.
24:02Although, you know, I do recall what the great Maharishi once said.
24:09How did it go?
24:10He who heeds the call of the taker in the bazaar
24:15for the third time will forego the second half.
24:21What does that mean, master?
24:23Well, in simple language, it means...
24:31It means he never gives me a break.
24:46Dr Petvet got a call to come down to the farm
24:50and help repair a turkey with a nasty broken arm.
24:55What said Petvet, are you sure?
24:58And I'm not disagreeing.
25:00The farmer said, oh yes, I'm sure.
25:02My turkey went out skiing.
25:04He skis quite well, but as you know, these accidents occur.
25:08So please come over right away and fix it.
25:13So please come over right away and fix my turkey, sir.
25:17Petvet said, that's turkey.
25:20He's very lucky he's still living.
25:23But he's got to stay off skis, I fear, from now until Thanksgiving.
25:31Hello?
25:32Time check, please.
25:34Thank you very much.
25:37What am I saying? Thank you to our recording.
25:40I wish Dr Petvet would come.
25:42Hello, Dr Petvet is here.
25:44Oh, what a funny thing you've got today.
25:47Oh yes, isn't he something?
25:49Oh, he's something else.
25:50Do you know what this is called?
25:52It's called...
25:55Well, it's a turtle, but it's a mata mata turtle or a side neck turtle.
26:00Because his neck's on the side.
26:02That's right, he's got a real long neck here, this fellow.
26:05Isn't he something, though?
26:07My goodness gracious, look at him.
26:09Boy, oh boy.
26:11Come on now, Harry.
26:13What's a mata mata?
26:17Oh, we have so much fun.
26:19Now, rather than biting, you know, they take their food in their mouths by suction.
26:23Do you know what he can do?
26:25Well, number one, I've got to tell you, he's completely aquatic.
26:28He stays in the water all the time.
26:30Now what he'll do is, he'll be going along, you see.
26:33Now he'll open his mouth.
26:35Now, this neck will actually swell up to that size.
26:39And then what he does is, he has a kind of a built-in strainer in his throat there, you see.
26:43And he'll just push out all the gravel and baddies and keep all the goody foods in there.
26:48That's clever.
26:49That's how he eats.
26:50He's got his own strainer.
26:52Like a vacuum cleaner, eh?
26:55Oh, it's so much fun.
26:57Now, when afraid, he'll retract all his limbs inside his shell, you see.
27:01But he can't do that with his head because his neck is just too long.
27:05I mean, you might say he's always sticking his neck out.
27:11Oh, well, we have to have some fun now and then, don't we?
27:14Now, they're very active in the daylight and they make a good, good pet.
27:17Now, they're not known to bite at all.
27:19And they're found in South America.
27:21South America.
27:22Now, the head is really unique among turtles because it's triangular-shaped with very weak jaws, you see.
27:29Very weak jaws.
27:30It wouldn't bite you.
27:31And you see, I'll tell you something about this.
27:33When he's in the water, he can go right under and he'll only have his little snout there.
27:38Just like that.
27:39That little periscope.
27:40And that's all it can be.
27:41That's right.
27:42Just that little bit sticking out there.
27:44Isn't that something?
27:45You know, when you look at this, you may think he's not too handsome.
27:50Oh, he's beautiful.
27:51Everything is beautiful.
27:54Everything is beautiful in its own way.
27:58That's right.
27:59Why don't you ask the sloth if you can have Harry?
28:01Maybe the sloth.
28:02Oh, well, that's true.
28:03No, there's beauty in everything if you look at it in the right way.
28:06I haven't noticed with the sloth.
28:07Well, try again.
28:08I'll go and ask him.
28:10Okay.
28:11Come on, Harry.
28:12Hello, Mr. Sloth.
28:13You're quite a beautiful fellow.
28:15I wonder how I got this fellow here from South America.
28:24A side-necked turtle from South America.
28:30All right.
28:31That takes care of that.
28:32Well, I must say, he doesn't welcome our friends from South America, does he?
28:36Doesn't matter, does it?
28:37Well, I guess we'll have to go now.
28:39But don't you worry.
28:40Dr. Petvet will be back.
28:41And remember...
28:42Goodbye, side-neck.
28:43And what does that say?
28:45That's all, friends.
28:46That's right.
28:47Goodbye.
28:48Bye-bye.
28:49Bye-bye, Dr. Petvet.
28:53Groovy!
29:00Hey!
29:01Did you hear about the bedbug's pajama party last night?
29:04Ah, probably not.
29:05Because the whole thing was kept pretty well undercovers.
29:09Uh-oh! Lunchtime!
29:12Meanwhile, back at my crystal ball.
29:23Oh, give me a home
29:26Back in those days
29:28Back in those Frankenstones
29:31Where the werewolves and vampires played
29:36Where seldom is heard
29:38An encouraging word
29:41And the skies are all cloudy
29:44All day
29:48Oh, mister!
29:49That was fantastic!
29:51I know it was.
29:52Oh, if only your great-grandfather could hear you play...
29:59Terrible! Terrible!
30:03That sounds like my great-great-grandfather.
30:05And you never sang that well anyway.
30:07Igor, I am in a dilemma.
30:10A dilemma?
30:11That's right.
30:12I'm getting tired of playing my own organ all the time.
30:15I want to invent an organ that is a player organ,
30:19that plays by itself.
30:21I'm tired of all the work I have to do.
30:23And if I did that, if I invented that,
30:26then I could buy a player piano,
30:29and the two of them, side by each,
30:31could play beautiful music together.
30:33We could have our own concerts.
30:35Of course we could.
30:36And I could sing.
30:37Oh, it would be lovely.
30:38Yes, fantastic.
30:39Mister, why don't you invent a player organ?
30:42No, no.
30:43What I will do, though, is invent a player organ.
30:47Off to the workshop for another invention.
30:50I wonder if when you invent a player organ,
30:55he will be able to play that song the last time I saw Grandpa.
31:00Let me ask him.
31:03Ah, Igor, get ready.
31:06My latest invention.
31:13Fantastic.
31:15I have invented the player organ.
31:17Now, one side, big fellow,
31:19while I make the final adjustments here.
31:21Let me help, mister.
31:23All right, hold on now.
31:24Yes.
31:25No, don't help, I'm the inventor here.
31:28Now.
31:29That song I was telling goes,
31:31the last time I saw Grandpa,
31:33he sat in his old chair,
31:35a lightning bolt came crashing down,
31:38gave him a great shock.
31:40Now, we just have to make a few more inventions.
31:42Do you want any requests?
31:43Yes, master, I could think of a few goodies.
31:45What about, I want a ghoul, just like the ghoul.
31:49No, no, no, I don't like that one.
31:50If you were the only ghoul in the world.
31:52No, I don't like that one either.
31:53Just a moment.
31:54Rudolph the Red-Nosed Vampire.
31:56Please, Igor.
31:57After all, I invented it,
31:59I should have the first selection.
32:01And here we go.
32:09That's my kind of music.
32:11It's a failure.
32:13It's a failure, Igor.
32:16No.
32:17What am I going to do with my invention?
32:20Well, master, when you play me a song and I like it,
32:23I can always give you a hint.
32:29Nevermore.
32:33Well, not until later.
32:42The oracle was hopping mad
32:44because his crystal ball had broken into halves
32:47when it was damaged in a fall.
32:49He mended it as best he could
32:51with scotch tape, string and glue.
32:53But it wasn't working perfectly
32:55and some things weren't coming through.
32:57For example, when he saw a man hit by a car downtown,
33:01he found that he just couldn't get the license number down.
33:05And yesterday, it showed a man who was falling from a tree.
33:09Oh, I wish he'd fix that crystal ball
33:12because that falling man was me.
33:20What do you say?
33:22I just kid you.
33:23That actually, that's a boo-boo.
33:25That's my boo-boo bell.
33:27All right.
33:28Now, I am the oracle, master of hypnotism.
33:32Just watch and I will prove it to you.
33:34Look deep into my eyes.
33:36Deeper.
33:38Deeper.
33:40You're getting drowsy.
33:42You want to sleep.
33:44Close your eyes.
33:46Concentrate on my voice.
33:48Sleepy.
33:50You're sleeping.
33:51Now you're sleepy.
33:54Everybody up!
33:56Sorry about that.
33:58But I did have you going for a moment.
34:00Now, we will find out our sign for today.
34:03Yes.
34:04Oh, swirling mist that the gods have kissed.
34:07Oh, which sign whose life will fortune twist?
34:14Yes, cancer.
34:16It is cancer today.
34:18Yes, cancer, the astrological sign for today.
34:21That's anyone born between June 22nd and July 22nd.
34:26Now, those people hold this common sign, the crab.
34:30Now, cancer.
34:33Be patient, sensitive and usually sympathetic.
34:36They're always like that.
34:37Like his most compatible signs, Pisces and Scorpio,
34:41cancer can be withdrawn and very moody.
34:44I mean, just think about that.
34:51And now, it is time to look into the horoscope.
34:59Heavy, heavy hangs over my head.
35:02Just a moment till I get this spare.
35:04Sorry, Budo.
35:05Don't mean to be rude to you.
35:07That's all.
35:10You know, sometimes I think,
35:12I think I should make a fish out of my hand.
35:14It's so often within the ball.
35:20Excuse me, please.
35:26All right.
35:27Now, magic crystal, crystal ball.
35:30Tell me now.
35:32Tell me.
35:39Listen, cancer.
35:40Here's your horoscope for today.
35:42You'll be looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.
35:46Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.
35:49Excuse me.
35:51Stop that bunch of silliness.
35:54Yes, you'll be looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.
35:57Today, cancer, I can see an attractive Pisces in your immediate future.
36:02I hope you do too.
36:04Whoopee!
36:05Open your heart to love and romance.
36:08Oh, only to you.
36:09Lose your inhibitions.
36:11That's all you have to do.
36:13Oh, yes, remember that.
36:14I hope you find love, for love is a beautiful thing.
36:17I believe in the oracle.
36:23Igor!
36:24Igor! Igor! Igor!
36:25Has the mail arrived yet?
36:27No, master.
36:28So hot today, master.
36:30Master, why are you so worried about the mail?
36:32Are you expecting something important?
36:35Igor.
36:36Igor.
36:37I am expecting the most important thing of my life.
36:41You see here the stamp collection that I now have left to me
36:45by my great aunt Grogoblusni.
36:48Grogoblusni?
36:49Yes.
36:50And you realize that in the mails this very day,
36:53if I receive the stamps I've been waiting for,
36:57I will have my collection complete.
37:00That means, now get this,
37:02that I will have enough goulars to make Brucie live once more
37:07and take his rightful place in the annals of distinguished monsters.
37:14Igor, you know what that is?
37:16No, master.
37:17That is happiness street.
37:19Go get it.
37:21Look at my beautiful stamps.
37:24Today you will be complete.
37:32Quickly, Igor, quickly.
37:34I can hardly contain myself.
37:38It is them, the stamps, master.
37:40Igor, look.
37:41Look, the three-toed sloth.
37:43I've been waiting for this for 400 years.
37:45Master.
37:46Oh, fantastic.
37:47Excuse me, master, it's so hot.
37:48Can I just open the door?
37:49Please, please, don't bother me with my stamps.
37:51Master, what about the window?
37:52Brucie will walk.
37:54Maybe a window in the pantry, master.
37:56Please, Igor.
37:57Can I get my fan, master?
37:58Anything.
37:59Just stop bothering me when I'm working.
38:01Thank you, master.
38:02So, my beautiful stamps, now they will be complete.
38:05And Brucie will live.
38:07Oh, fantastic.
38:08So nice and cool.
38:10Oh, lord.
38:11Master, would you like a little fresh air there?
38:13I don't want any fresh air now.
38:15Why would I want fresh air when I...
38:21Having done that,
38:22super-fragilistic cast...
38:25wrong.
38:26Now, we must get to one of the letters that you send me each day.
38:30I love to read them.
38:32And answer your questions if I possibly can.
38:37I definitely have to get a manicure.
38:41Dear Igor,
38:42I heard of something called the Mandrake Root.
38:45Which is it and how is it used?
38:48Well, let me think on that one.
38:52Ah, got the thought.
38:54A Mandrake Root is one which holds strange power
38:58Surprised by those who would use it for one or all of its several purposes,
39:03the Mandrake Root will answer any question put to it.
39:08How about you, Boudou?
39:09Would you like to...
39:13Sometimes, you make me so mad.
39:16And if I ever catch that guy who keeps smacking that gun,
39:20I'll tell his fortune all out.
39:25I'd say you're about 15, 15 and a half.
39:28A man's medium should fit just fine.
39:34Ah, Igor.
39:36It is good to be back at work again.
39:38Look at my beautiful little bat phones.
39:40All right.
39:41Start ringing for the count.
39:42Come on, come on, come on.
39:45Wait.
39:46You little devils, you fool with me.
39:48It's coming from the phone booth.
39:50Yes, it's for you.
39:52Oh, thank you very much.
39:57Must be a little joke, eh?
40:00Excuse me, Igor.
40:03Hello?
40:04My mother's favorite song.
40:07Hello, Ma.
40:09What?
40:12I know.
40:13Well, you always did like Siegfried Bears.
40:16I know.
40:17Well, you always did like Siegfried Bears.
40:20Yeah, well, we had three guests last week in the hotel.
40:24No, well, two canceled out and the sloth, he got the other one.
40:29What?
40:31Oh.
40:32Oh, no, no.
40:33Yeah, well, somebody bought a bottle of that cola, finally.
40:36Hey, Ma, get this.
40:37He got Betty-Betty.
40:38Betty-Betty sick.
40:41No, I know he's not working yet.
40:43Well, Ma, you got to give him time.
40:47It's only been 400 years.
40:51Oh, OK, I love you too.
40:54OK, Ma, I promise I'll call.
40:56Bye-bye.
40:57OK.
40:58How's mother?
40:59What did she say?
41:00What did she say?
41:02Well, finally, after she started chewing me out for everything,
41:04she wanted me to trade Brucie to the Montreal Expos.
41:07Who for? A rusty stove?
41:09No, a catcher's mask.
41:12You get that one, Igor.
41:15Hello?
41:19OK.
41:21Double Heather.
41:24OK.
41:26How could that happen?
41:28No, lift.
41:32No, I changed my mind.
41:36That's right.
41:38What was that all about?
41:40It was the Chinese restaurant delivery boy and his translator.
41:44Well, where is he?
41:45He turned right at Greenland and wound up in Sweden.
41:49Well, what did you say?
41:50I cancelled the bed wings and told him to send over an order of smorgasbord.
41:55C'est ça, Plachette. Eat your heart out.
42:02I am the Wolf Man.
42:10I am the Wolf Man with another golden turkey.
42:15Happening all the time and we're digging it.
42:18So let's get the Chime Time.
42:25Chime Time, wrong again.
42:27OK, this is E-E-C-H.
42:30Thank you.
42:33Chime Time, wrong again.
42:35OK, this is E-E-C-H.
42:38Thank-tastic radio.
42:41And it's coming to you through me, my friends.
42:45Hold on.
42:48Wolf Man, yes, that's me.
42:51I know I am.
42:54Sure, I'm thank-tastic.
42:57Dig.
42:58OK, you got it. All right.
43:02You have the honor of being my first heart transplant patient.
43:16Igor.
43:17Yes, Master.
43:18Prepare yourself. The Count has done it again.
43:21I want you to see my newest invention.
43:25You realize what I have invented?
43:27No, Master.
43:28This is the first unleakable pen.
43:30Unleakable? How does it work, Master?
43:33Very simple. You see, you just don't put any ink on it.
43:37It saves getting all those blotches on you.
43:39I need that, Master, because I have to be neat and tidy, you know, for my job and everything.
43:44Yes, yes, I know.
43:45First, now, I will demonstrate something that is so fantastic, I have invented.
43:50First, now, I will demonstrate something that is so fantastic, I have invented invisible ink.
43:56Invisible ink?
43:57Watch me closely. I am about to fill the pen.
44:04Is that not fantastic, Igor?
44:06That is fantastical, Master.
44:08The Count has done it again, Igor.
44:10Now, please, witness.
44:13All right.
44:15And, please, pass the bottle.
44:19Lid up, and here we go.
44:26And do you realize it will even write on water?
44:29On water.
44:33And now for the most fantastic feat of all.
44:36It writes on air.
44:38Air.
44:40Is that not fantastic?
44:41Fantastic, Master, but I can't see nothing.
44:44But don't you see the advantage of that?
44:46Absolutely no one can read your mail.
44:50Given a choice between Griselda's cooking and red kryptonite, I'd fly away.
45:00Be thou a yoga?
45:02For he who watches for the visible forms,
45:05of something he treasures,
45:07is in league with all an answer unto itself again.
45:23You know, I saw my cousin on the front page of the newspaper yesterday.
45:27Someone must have rolled him up and swatted him with it.
45:31You'll never guess what's coming on next.
45:33Yes, you're right. We'll be back in a moment.
46:00In Frankenstone, don't come alone.
47:00Master, the show is definitely over.