Kevin Reacts to Knowing Me Knowing You E5
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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name is Kevin, I'm a geek, you're watching
00:15Kevin's Geek and apologies if you were expecting Benidorm today. I did explain it in my plans
00:22for the month video but just in case you are not already aware, Benidorm for just one day
00:27only is moving to Tuesday, so Benidorm is going to be coming tomorrow. Today, the reason
00:33that I'm doing No Me, No You today instead of another day is because this episode aired
00:4130 years ago today. On this day, October 14th, 1994 is the date that this episode aired.
00:48So I thought, hey, why not do it? Let's celebrate it. Let's celebrate its 30th anniversary on
00:54the day that it originally aired. Hopefully we're no longer in France, we're back to London.
00:58So let's check out No Me, No You.
01:24No Me, No You.
01:26Aha!
01:28Has he got a tash?
01:30Has he got a tash?
01:32Has he got a tash?
01:34Oh my god, he actually has. He has, he's got the really thin little one, a very Gomez,
01:54Adams moustache. That of course is coming to the channel later on this month, in about a week's
02:00time there or thereabouts. First of all, Glenn Ponder, obviously I mentioned it in a
02:06responded to comments video, someone mentioned it last time out, he suddenly passed away a little
02:09while ago. So Glenn Ponder, we miss you.
02:12Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge, or the Alan
02:23Partridge Show, as most people like to call it. It's easier, that's what I call it. I've got to
02:29tell you, there's so much packed into tonight's show, that at the end of it I'm quite sure I'm
02:33going to be shattered. Or should I say, chattered. You may remember that at the end of last week's
02:42show, I sacked my house band and their leader, Glenn Ponder. TV, they had to go. So will you now
02:50please welcome my new resident house band, The Eagles. Or rather, no, don't, don't welcome The
02:56Eagles, because Glenn has put a stop to that. This week he obtained a court injunction preventing
03:01his dismissal, prior to an industrial tribunal to be held at the end of the series. So will you now
03:07please welcome, not double platinum album selling rock stars The Eagles, but Ipswich-based hotel
03:13lobby wine bar band, Glenn Ponder and Lazarus. Lazarus is very apt. Rising from the dead. Knowing
03:24me Alan Partridge, knowing you Glenn Ponder, aha. Knowing me Alan Partridge, knowing you Lazarus,
03:29aha. Glenn, if this show was a motor car, what kind of motor car would it be? I've no idea. Chatty
03:38chatty bang bang. Glenn Ponder and Lazarus.
03:54Nice. Are we going to mention the sash? See you in court. My first guest was born within the sound of
04:13Bow Bells. He is a Cockney man. 30 years ago he crawled out of the maggot ridden cesspit that is
04:20the East End of London. To become Britain's most colourful boxing and entertainments promoter. He
04:27spends all day on the dog and bone phone. He's about to come down these apples and pears stairs.
04:33I'm sure we're going to have a great bowler hat chat. So please welcome a very special antique
04:40Edwardian tea chest guest. That last one was mine. Two years ago, two years ago he was cleared of
04:48garrotting a nightclub owner in Leicester Square. Please welcome Terry Norton.
05:02Don't antagonise him, or else you'll be throttled.
05:05Nice, nice, nice whistle. Whistle and toot suit. Float. Sorry? Whistle and float suit. Right, whatever. Knowing me, Alan Partridge. Knowing you, Terry Norton.
05:25Aha. Now, Terry. Sport. You have managed boxers, wrestlers, snookers, snookers, snookers, players, bowling, crown green and ten pin. That didn't work. But you first made your name way back in the 70s with that fabulous champion boxer Billy O'Rourke.
05:48Billy the Blitz O'Rourke. Billy the Blitz. Why did they call him the Blitz? Because when he come at you, it was like a blitzkrieg. Say that again. What, was he German? No, he's London Irish. That'll kill them. But he could take a punch, couldn't he? At the end of some of those fights, he looked like a blooming cauliflower. And the other guys would look like mashed potatoes.
06:10Billy the Blitz O'Rourke. Sadly, of course, no longer with us. Oh, Billy's still alive. Well, technically. Now, Terry, you come from a very humble background. But now you mix with the great and the good. You're a little cockney whelk sitting on a plate of oysters.
06:32Do you ever sort of think to yourself, how did I get here on top of this plate of oysters? Well, of course I do, Alan. It's a combination of determination, perseverance and a good head for business. Of course. And if I may say so, we're a little bit, we're a little bit, we're a little bit of blooming luck.
06:59Is that fact? Yeah, well, you know, if you like, yeah. Now, you and me, we're the same. We're two working class boys. No education, no qualifications. But through sheer determination, we have made it to the top of the tree.
07:15Well, I've got to pick up on a couple of points there. I did go to East Anglia Polytechnic and I've got a couple of pretty good A-levels. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, I know. And very quickly, with regards to working class, my parents did own their own home and we holidayed now and again in Spain. So I don't think that's quite right. I imagine you know Spain quite well, what with all your connections.
07:38Yeah, I've got a villa out there. It's cut into the cliff, overlooking the Med, blinding. Lovely. Well, you would, wouldn't you? Just in case. Just in case what? You know, just in case you need to go on holiday, quickly. I think you're leading me down a dark alley. The last place I'd like to be with you is down a dark alley.
08:03Why's that? Sorry? Why's that? I just wouldn't.
08:09Terry, you've promoted boxing, snooker, bowling, crown green and ten pin. That didn't work. But now you're launching a new promotion next month. Tell us about that.
08:24That's right, yes. I'm bringing back the beauty contest because times may change, fashion, whatever, but people will always want to look at lovely ladies. Now, that is from the 20th century, right back to the ancient Greeks.
08:37Aristotle Onassis. Exactly. I mean, whatever the women's libbers may say, Germaine Greer, Esther Ransom. That lot, yeah. You can't change human nature.
08:48You can't, Terry. But I'll tell you something. I used to support the women's libbers. Really? When they said, burn your bras.
08:59Well, I'm getting a bit of stick from the loony left, you know, but who cares?
09:05Absolutely. Listen, you cannot say anything these days, Terry. I'll tell you. A couple of months ago, I was commentating a football match with the Cameroons. I made a harmless remark about a rain dance.
09:14What happens? I get hauled over the coals. Not literally. I imagine that's the kind of thing the Cameroons do. I'm living in trouble for that now.
09:24Yes, yes, you are. Please, please, don't write in saying that's racist. It's not.
09:29It doesn't matter what they say because next month, live on Sky Television, it's Miss Great Britain and there's nothing can spoil that feast.
09:38Absolutely. And we're going to eat some of that feast later because Terry has very kindly cooked up a tray of Lady Volivants, if you will, which I will be eating or comparing later in tonight's show.
09:52What I mean is that tonight on this programme, I will be master of ceremonies for the final heat of, and it's my hometown, Miss Norwich.
10:00Murderer! You killed my son!
10:10That was what the mother of the garroted nightclub owner of Leicester Square said to you as you left court having been cleared of the murder of her son, her only son, the garroted nightclub owner of Leicester Square.
10:26Did those words hurt?
10:28Well, of course. Yes, I was in Leicester Square that night, but as was proved in court, I was hailing a cab at the time it happened.
10:37Absolutely. Well, we've now got a reconstruction of that night using professional actors, some of whom have appeared in The Bill and Minder.
10:46Now, Terry, that night in Leicester Square, was it something like this?
10:56Taxi!
11:00Is that how it was?
11:02Well, yeah, more or less, yeah.
11:04Right, because at the time, there were some people who said it happened like this.
11:15Taxi!
11:18That's how it didn't happen.
11:20What was that?
11:21That was how it didn't happen.
11:23No, no. That is a couple of poncers mincing about talking rubbish.
11:28Touched a nerve there, intriguing.
11:31I could have gone down for this. It was dealt with by the law courts, the matter is finished, it's over, it's dead and buried.
11:38Rather like the garroted nightclub.
11:40Now, don't muck about. You're getting out of your depth, Alan. People get out of their depth, they end up drowning.
11:46Calm down, it's just a chat show.
11:48Do you want to get involved? Do you want to get involved in this world? Nightclub owners in Leicester Square who get garroted, ammonia in the boat?
11:54Because if you want to get involved, I'll get you involved, son. You want to get sucked in, I'll suck you in.
11:59I'll suck you in so far you get blown out the other side. Wipe that sobby look off your gormless face.
12:05Sorry.
12:06Do you want to get sucked in?
12:07I don't, I don't want to get sucked in.
12:10What did you tell these ladies and gentlemen, what that was all about?
12:13There was a couple of poncers mincing about talking rubbish.
12:18Couple of poncers mincing about talking rubbish.
12:22Time to check my neck now.
12:24Now, are we going to have a beauty contest or what?
12:27Beauty contest, please.
12:30I'll see you later for that. Thank you for that nice chat.
12:34Ladies and gentlemen, Terry Norton, an innocent man.
12:43It's time now for one of the hit bits of my show.
12:47Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, another Alan Partridge.
12:50No, don't do this again.
12:51In which I meet another man whose name is Alan Partridge.
12:54Yeah.
12:55Really is that simple.
12:57Two weeks ago, I received a letter from an Alan Partridge in Preston, Lancashire, who asked to come on to the show.
13:03I booked him to appear tonight.
13:05One week ago, he died.
13:07Oh, no.
13:08I immediately telephoned his family and told them that I would still honour the booking if they so desired.
13:12They kindly agreed, saying it is what Alan would have wanted.
13:15So, please welcome, with his widow and family, Alan Partridge.
13:21Oh, my God.
13:28Holy shit.
13:34Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, another Alan Partridge.
13:39Rest in peace.
13:40Aha.
13:43Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Mary Partridge.
13:45Aha.
13:46Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you...
13:48I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.
13:50Liam.
13:51Liam Partridge, son of Alan.
13:52Aha.
13:53Aha.
13:54No, not you, just you.
13:55Aha.
13:56Aha.
13:57Tell us, what was he like?
13:59Well, he liked to drink.
14:02He didn't suffer fools, gladly.
14:04Oh, no, he got quite a temper on him.
14:06Right.
14:11This is so awkward.
14:13Dude!
14:14He did...
14:15I can't believe he just did that.
14:17He did like this show, didn't he?
14:18He did that, didn't he?
14:22Oh!
14:25He did...
14:26He did like this show, didn't he?
14:28Oh, yes, it was his, what, second favourite television programme.
14:33So, what was his first?
14:36Bear Watch.
14:37Right.
14:38About the beach people.
14:40He liked the girls.
14:41Don't we all?
14:42Don't we all?
14:43Let's hope there are girls in heaven.
14:46If...
14:50If that's where he's going.
14:52From what you say, it seems a little unclear.
14:54Alan, you're going to hell.
14:56Who knows, perhaps there are girls in purgatory or hell.
15:03But no-one leaves this show empty-handed.
15:07I don't know why I'm being in that voice.
15:08No-one leaves this show empty-handed.
15:10Why are you doing it in that voice?
15:11So, I'm very pleased to present Alan this lovely headstone for Alan's grave.
15:18It's a granite marble mix in Normandy grey.
15:23And it's covered in juboseal,
15:25which means any graffiti from vandals can just be wiped clean.
15:29Do you like it?
15:30It's lovely.
15:31He was actually born in 1931.
15:33Right, what have we got?
15:3432.
15:35Oh.
15:36Right.
15:37One year out, not bad.
15:39I mean, if it's a problem, we can re-grind it,
15:41we'll take it away and get it re-ground.
15:43Yes, that'd be great.
15:44Right.
15:46The problem is, I mean, we can do that,
15:48it's just it'll take a couple of weeks,
15:50and it's only one year out.
15:51He'd like the right date.
15:52He would like the right date.
15:53Yeah.
15:54He would like the right date.
15:55It got quite a temper.
15:57Oh.
15:58Well, he's hardly likely to display that now, isn't he?
16:01You know, if you want it re-ground, we'll get it done.
16:03Oh, this is...
16:04It's what he would have wanted.
16:05Right, well, we'll do it.
16:06It's cringe.
16:07Not a problem.
16:08Thank you, thank you.
16:09Right.
16:10Sorry.
16:11What?
16:12Sorry.
16:13Sorry, right.
16:14Well, ladies and gentlemen,
16:17Alan Partridge, his son Liam, and his lovely widow Mary.
16:28Well, as we heard, Alan was quite fond of pretty ladies,
16:32so it seems entirely appropriate that in his presence
16:35we hold now the grand final of Miss Knowledge.
16:38Oh, my God.
16:39Mary, you've agreed with Liam and your uncle Pete, there,
16:42to stay a little bit longer and judge tonight's contest.
16:47Yes.
16:48So, take up your positions, please.
16:50Glenn, would you like to judge Miss Knowledge?
16:53I'd love to.
16:54Well, you can't.
16:57Now, if you're watching this at home,
17:00in your Parker Knoll armchair,
17:02hit the recline button, sit back, relax,
17:05as we go girl crazy with a bit of harmless fun,
17:08that's all it is.
17:10Please welcome the finalists for Miss Knowledge.
17:17The first contestant is Susan Atkinson.
17:20She's 20 years old.
17:22Her vital statistics are 34, 24, 33,
17:26so she's slightly bigger at the top.
17:29She's a shop assistant for Saxone Shoes,
17:32and she tells me the most popular shoes
17:34are plain black lace-ups with six eyes.
17:37Contestant number two is Donna Cookson.
17:41Oh.
17:42Donna...
17:44Donna is 20.
17:46Come on, keep it down.
17:48Donna used to dance in a nightclub,
17:51but it was closed down after a fire.
17:54Contestant number three is 21-year-old Lisa Thornton.
18:01Lisa...
18:02Lisa is a nanny for a professional couple,
18:05whom she tells me make adverts and live in a converted barn.
18:09Sometimes she has the whole house to herself,
18:11and she likes to use the CD system
18:13to dance around the living room to pop music.
18:16She's the shortest of tonight's contestants.
18:21Contestant number four is Maria McNulty.
18:29Maria is an Irish Roman Catholic.
18:31Oh, she's got a face of stone.
18:33She tells me that before each beauty contest,
18:35she says a quick prayer.
18:37She has a 36-inch bust.
18:39Ave, Maria.
18:43And our final contestant tonight is Siobhan Gluckowski.
18:51Siobhan works in William Hill Bookmakers.
18:54So, what are her odds tonight?
18:56I'll tell you, they're 50-1, she's a rank outsider.
19:00Siobhan also has a Polish grandmother
19:02who doesn't speak any English.
19:04And those are tonight's finalists.
19:10OK.
19:11Well, we've looked at their bodies.
19:13Now let's look at their minds.
19:16Susan Atkinson, you work at Saxone Shoes.
19:19Yes.
19:20And I imagine you get a lot of competition from Dulcies.
19:23Mm, yeah.
19:24Great, lovely.
19:26Great.
19:28Donna Cookson.
19:32I guess she's the favourite.
19:34She seems to have a lot of fans out there.
19:38Are you enjoying the competition?
19:40Yes, I am.
19:41And do you watch this show at all?
19:43No.
19:44No.
19:45That's OK.
19:46That's fine.
19:47Lisa Thornton.
19:48Do you have any hobbies?
19:50Yes, I like swimming and dancing.
19:52Right.
19:53Lovely.
19:54Very nice.
19:55I've always wanted to meet you.
19:59I like your moustache.
20:01Really?
20:02There we go.
20:03It, like, really suits your face.
20:05I keep it trimmed with nasal scissors.
20:10Makes you look like Rhett Butler in Gone With The Wind.
20:13Well, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
20:17Of course I do.
20:18Of course I give a damn.
20:21You're lovely.
20:23What's your ambition?
20:25Well, I'd like to work in television.
20:27Really?
20:28Yes.
20:29Great, great.
20:30Well, we should have a chat.
20:33After the show.
20:35You're all staying at the Holiday Inn?
20:37Oh, well, the other girls are, but I'm staying here at home with my mum.
20:41Right, OK.
20:45You could just go back to the hotel for a drink, you know, just a quick drink.
20:48And, you know, we'll get you a taxi home afterwards.
20:51I'll speak to your mum if you want.
20:52OK.
20:53Right.
20:54Lovely.
20:55We'll have a chat afterwards.
20:57Good luck.
20:58Thanks.
21:00Right.
21:01Do you like animals?
21:02Yes.
21:03Do you?
21:04Yes.
21:05Right, OK.
21:06OK.
21:07Right.
21:10Well, we've done them all, so while the judges make up their minds,
21:15I'm afraid you're just going to have to listen to Glenn Ponder and Lazarus.
21:24Number three, that's personality, and I think that's what matters.
21:28Number three?
21:29No.
21:30All right, yeah.
21:31Number three, because it's the best personality.
21:33Look, it's a majority decision to say it's all three.
21:35Let's leave it at that.
21:36Right, shut up, shut up.
21:39OK, right, Glenn, thank you, Glenn.
21:42Well, we have a unanimous decision.
21:45The winner of this year's Miss Norwich Beauty Pageant
21:48is contestant number three, Lisa Thornton.
21:50Aha!
21:58That is that.
22:00Are you pleased?
22:01Oh, yes.
22:06I didn't think I'd win.
22:07Why not, for heaven's sake?
22:10Well, I thought number two would win.
22:12Well, you shouldn't think that.
22:14Well, I think this could be the start of a glittering career in television.
22:17I'll see you later for that chat.
22:19Who are you waving to?
22:21That's my fiancé, Andy.
22:23Ah!
22:25Ah!
22:27Miss Norwich soon to be Mrs Norwich.
22:31Well, I said before that if this show was a car,
22:35it would be Chatty Chatty Bang Bang.
22:40So now let's slip that car into another pig's ear gear,
22:44a more serious pig's ear gear,
22:47in a new regular feature of the series
22:49in which I tackle the big contemporary political issues of the day
22:53in Partridge Over Britain.
22:55Oh, God, is this wise?
23:09Oh, is this just going to be today today again?
23:12Next week, the voters of West Chalfont in Buckinghamshire
23:15go to the polls for a by-election
23:17caused by the death of the sitting Conservative MP Sir Maurice Christopher,
23:21who tragically died last month after choking on scampi.
23:24So let's meet the candidates.
23:27Firstly, knowing me, Alan Partridge,
23:29knowing you, sitting on my left,
23:31and I imagine to the left of the majority of the people in West Chalfont,
23:34the Labour Party candidate.
23:36She's a teacher. She's divorced.
23:38She is Charlotte Fraser.
23:40Aha.
23:41Aha.
23:42Knowing me, Alan Partridge,
23:44knowing you, the Liberal Democrat candidate.
23:46He's a practising lawyer.
23:48He sits on Chalfont Council's Education Committee.
23:50And he's black.
23:52Ronald Biggs. Aha.
23:54Aha.
23:55In the middle, me, Alan Partridge.
23:57Aha.
23:58And on my right, the Conservative Party candidate,
24:02Adrian Finch.
24:04Adrian and his wife, Rosemary, have been married for 14 years,
24:07and together they have three lovely children.
24:09Adrian, I believe you're also a big fan of steam engines.
24:12Yes, that's right, Alan.
24:14It's a full steam ahead for the by-election.
24:16Lovely, lovely.
24:17Sounds like a Conservative as well.
24:19Adrian Finch.
24:20The Partridge meets the Finch. Aha.
24:22Aha.
24:23Lovely.
24:25And the final candidate we're going to have on,
24:27he's paid his deposit, that's democracy,
24:30is Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead III
24:33of the Bald Brummies
24:35against the Bigfooted Conspiracy Party. Aha.
24:38Bald Brummies!
24:40Come on.
24:42Please, there's a time and a place for fun and enjoyment,
24:44and it's not on this show.
24:47We're going to open it up to my studio audience.
24:50Throughout the questions,
24:52I will be remaining impartial at all times.
24:54I'll remain Pontius Partridge.
24:56So...
24:58So, any questions for the panel, please?
25:00Yes, the woman with the high head.
25:04Yeah, I'd like to ask the panel,
25:06in view of the rising crime rates,
25:08would they consider the reintroduction of capital punishment?
25:12Fair point. Charlotte Fraser. Very deep.
25:14We see these pictures of old women's faces in the paper.
25:17Surely the best way to deal with hooligans
25:20is to hang them by the neck until the spinal column is severed,
25:23thus starving the body of oxygen.
25:25Isn't that the best, most sensible way to deal with them?
25:28Absolutely not. No, hanging really is brutal and barbaric
25:31and the hallmark of an uncivilised society.
25:33OK, what about lethal injection?
25:35Gas chamber, electric chair, you know, spoiled for choice.
25:38That's not really the point, Alan. I mean, all the indications...
25:41Firing squad?
25:43The head slap? The head slap.
25:45No, no, please don't...
25:48Please don't do that, Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead III.
25:53There's no evidence to show that capital punishment
25:55would reduce the crime statistics.
25:57Well, it'd reduce it by one, wouldn't it?
26:02Adrian Finch. Capital punishment.
26:04There's a gibbet. Will you pull the lever?
26:08Well, whether I pull the lever or not is not the question.
26:12Yes, it is.
26:18The whole issue of capital punishment, of hanging,
26:22is one which must be addressed on a moral level
26:27by the public in general
26:30before we can make any absolute moral decision.
26:36Good point. Very good point. Very...
26:39A perfect Conservative answer.
26:42Not answering the question at all. Perfect.
26:45He's a perfect Conservative candidate.
26:47Good point. You see, Sherlock Holmes, it's not simply yes or no.
26:50Ronnie Biggs, it's not yes or no, is it?
26:52Well, yes, it is. Good.
26:54No, I'm disagreeing with you. It is a yes or no question.
26:58No-one really cares. I mean, look, yes, no, maybe.
27:01You know, it's not life or death.
27:03Well, it is. Well, yes, it is.
27:05Yes, but it's boring. Right.
27:08OK, well, the phone lines are open.
27:10We have a call. David Silk from Leeds.
27:14David, are you there? Yes, I am.
27:16Are you wearing any silk? No, I'm naked.
27:20What's your question?
27:22Which of the candidates will have the bottle
27:24to tighten up the laws on immigration?
27:26Immigration. It's a political hot potato.
27:29It has MBAs.
27:33Fraser. Sorry, yes.
27:35Yes, immigration is one of those questions
27:37that comes up time and time again at meetings like this.
27:40And, you know, it's interesting,
27:42because it always seems to be mostly when...
27:44Excuse me, he's trying to speak.
27:47Such a rude woman.
27:50Go on, go ahead.
27:52Yes, what we must do, absolutely,
27:55is put in place a system of...
27:59Hedge-lepping? No.
28:01A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:04I'm trying to answer the question, do you mind?
28:07A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:11You're putting me off, please. I know.
28:17A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:20A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:23A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:25A system of... Hedge-lepping?
28:27Ignore him! Ignore him!
28:35Erm, the government,
28:37aren't they bringing out a white paper or something?
28:39Sorry?
28:41Aren't the government bringing out a white paper?
28:43Are they?
28:45Yes, they are.
28:47Right. Yes, yes.
28:49We're bringing out a white paper,
28:51which should end all discussion.
28:58You're going to have to do better than that.
29:00I'm trying to help you out here, mate.
29:02You're in danger of losing
29:04the safest Conservative seat in the country.
29:06Get a grip.
29:08Full steam ahead.
29:10You made that joke earlier and it wasn't funny then.
29:13He's run out of steam.
29:15You see, he's quick. Get on the ball.
29:18Erm, Charlotte...
29:20Don't tell me, don't tell me.
29:22No, it's gone.
29:24Fraser. Fraser, right.
29:26Do you want to talk about, I don't know, women or something?
29:29No, I'd like to carry on talking about immigration,
29:31as I was before you interrupted me. Fine.
29:33Yeah! It's interesting, you know,
29:35that people very rarely mention the fact
29:37that the immigration laws in this country
29:39are actually some of the most stringent anywhere in the world.
29:41I'm sure, Ron, you'd bear me out on that.
29:43Well, in fact, that is the case.
29:45There are statistics showing that more people emigrate from the country
29:47than immigrate into it. Exactly.
29:51I've never done five.
29:55Great! Six.
29:57Ah!
29:59Let's have another question.
30:01From the studio, yes.
30:03The woman up there with this business.
30:05This business?
30:07What would the panel do to create more cycle lanes?
30:09Oh, that's a terrible question.
30:11No!
30:13The gentleman with the spectacles there.
30:15Yes, I'd like to ask a question... Hang on, hang on.
30:17Are you a slaphead?
30:19No! I'm sorry?
30:21Are you a bald Kojak Bigfoot hater?
30:25I'd like to ask a question about sport.
30:27I'm sorry, my mistake. Please do go ahead.
30:31I'd like to ask the panel their views
30:33on the possibilities of the bald Olympics
30:35coming to Birmingham!
30:37Hey!
30:39Hey!
30:41Bald Brummie!
30:43What?
30:45Who are you?
30:47Who are you?
30:49I am Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead the Third.
30:51No, you're not.
30:53Not at all. I'll tell you exactly who you are.
30:55Your name is Martin Dwyer,
30:57your entertainment officer for Warwick University Students' Union.
31:01And he's not your father. Who's he?
31:03David Harrison.
31:05Don't do that voice anymore. It's not funny.
31:07Who's he?
31:09David Harrison.
31:11And what does he do?
31:13He's a tutor in political science.
31:15And what are you studying?
31:17Law.
31:19What do your parents think of this?
31:21Not that keen.
31:23You're just...
31:25Everyone likes a bit of fun, but you're just...
31:27just wasting people's time.
31:29Get yourself a girlfriend.
31:31Well, um...
31:33You've got to go and finish this bald.
31:35Thank you for coming along.
31:37Bald Brummie's back!
31:39Look at him, Slaphead!
31:41You are a bloody shit!
31:43You're a bloody, buggering,
31:45shitting, buggerhead!
31:47Please.
31:50That is the kind of conservative outburst I want to hear.
31:55I think you've just lost the safest
31:57conservative team in the country.
31:59Full steam ahead.
32:01You bugger!
32:03Please, don't.
32:05This is not political debate.
32:07If you're going to fight, do it in the car park.
32:11Stop it, please.
32:13Get security.
32:15Get security.
32:17I'll have you. I'll have the both of you.
32:19Come here.
32:21I'll have you.
32:31It's time to say,
32:33knowing me, Alan Parsons,
32:35knowing you, I guess, if you want to write in,
32:37then do so. Good night and
32:39a-ha!
32:47A-ha!
33:07Oh, my jaw.
33:13Oh, I'll tell you what.
33:15I wish we could have a whole episode
33:17of Alan Parsons
33:19does political debates.
33:21That would be amazing.
33:25It's so awkward.
33:27Oh, my God.
33:39That was good.
33:41That was really, really good.
33:43That was really, really good.
33:45The show seems to be getting more and more chaotic
33:47as they're going through.
33:49It's just like going,
33:51how much further can we push the boat out?
33:53And I'm loving it.
33:55But we, of course, only have one more episode left
33:57of this show.
33:59Well, technically two.
34:01Next month, we've got the final episode
34:03of the only series,
34:05which is, of course, episode six.
34:07And then in December,
34:09it will be knowing me,
34:11the Christmas episode
34:13with Alan Partridge.
34:15I am really looking forward to that one.
34:17That, I can just tell, is going to be
34:19insane.
34:21It's going to go insane.
34:23If we go on the trajectory that we've been going,
34:25it's going to be absolutely bonkers.
34:27And I can't wait.
34:29So, of course, like I said,
34:31tomorrow, we're back with Benidorm.
34:33Apologies, I swapped it around.
34:35But, hey, I'm down for it.
34:37So, thank you once again for watching.
34:39Subscribe, Patreon,
34:41comments, all the usual bits and bobs.
34:43Thank you for watching. For now, my name's Kevin.
34:45I'm a geek, and you've been watching Kevin the Geek.
34:47Goodbye.