NEW - Sister Wives - Season 19 Episode 5 - The Year of Release - Part 2
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00:00It's like, yeah, I really like him a lot.
00:04Just saying.
00:18Hi Mama.
00:19Hi.
00:20How are you?
00:21Do you want some help?
00:22I'm almost done.
00:23Do you want some breakfast?
00:25Yeah, but I'll make it. You're good.
00:27Gabriel is my, he's my deep thinker.
00:30He's always been my deep thinker.
00:32He's been going to Northern Arizona University.
00:35And I know he's been speaking with a counselor.
00:38They're really great at the university about making those resources available.
00:42Do you want hard or soft yolk?
00:45I like soft.
00:46You like soft?
00:47Yeah.
00:48Me too.
00:49Your dad always had this like, like this system.
00:53Like he didn't want him flipped over.
00:55He wanted you to put the lid on or.
00:57Yeah, and he always wants a lemon and a cup of hot water at a restaurant.
01:02Yeah, he's got his routine.
01:04He's pretty peculiar.
01:06Cody has not really had much contact with my children since everything really went down with COVID.
01:14I think everybody's been just trying to be safe.
01:17And I don't know why dad is.
01:19Maybe it's a form of midlife crisis.
01:22See, I, I don't know.
01:23I think it's real.
01:24Oh, I think it's real.
01:27I just don't think that it's serious enough for him to not see us for the next six months.
01:33After the COVID scare was over and we all went back to our normal lives,
01:37we still couldn't reconcile as a family because Cody felt like the boys needed to give an apology to him and to Robin, especially to Robin.
01:46And after it sort of morphed into this, well, they just need to come and talk to me.
01:53I mean, Cody's whole mantra was I've been, my kids have been not loyal to me.
01:57And the most precious person in this family who's given her heart and soul has been disrespected or some bull like that.
02:06And I'm like, whatever, Cody.
02:07Yeah, whatever.
02:09He hit me up.
02:10It was like strange because he was like, hey, I miss you.
02:13And then he was like, he kept like phrasing it like I owed him an apology.
02:18And he's like, eventually I was just like, hey, unless you're like actually ready to have a relationship and fix things, then we're not going to talk anymore.
02:28He came back a couple of days later and texted me.
02:31He's like, hey, I've been like thinking about what you've been saying.
02:33I forgive you.
02:35Please forgive me.
02:36I was like, forgive me for what?
02:38Like, like what's going on here?
02:43So I wonder if there would ever be any, I don't know, because I told him you guys should get a counselor or something.
02:49I mean, like, I don't know.
02:51What do you think?
02:52I think dad, I don't know.
02:55I told dad that if he doesn't change and he can't take accountability, then I just won't ever see him again.
03:01And I'm perfectly OK with that.
03:03Yeah, it's been a long time.
03:06In the very beginning, Gabriel took it very hard because Cody was someone who would take Gabriel with him on business trips.
03:14And like they had a really good relationship.
03:17Cody was an amazing father.
03:19He was a totally engaged father.
03:21And that continued through their, you know, high school years and everything.
03:26And then all of a sudden it was just like, well, you know, you're not obedient.
03:31You're not loyal.
03:33You're disrespectful.
03:34So I'm done with you.
03:36Yeah, I don't know.
03:37I don't know what it would take.
03:39At this point, everybody's so busy and they're starting to spread out across the country.
03:43I think it would take dad really setting things straight.
03:48And I think that that would take an act of God.
03:51I don't really know what Cody wants.
03:53The last I knew, he really just thinks the kids should, you know, let him be their patriarch.
03:59And how that would go, I think, is that they would have to conform to the way that Cody and Robin see the world.
04:05That's how I perceive it.
04:07And I think that's how my kids perceive it too.
04:09And they just don't want any part of that.
04:12Janelle is just dead wrong about me and patriarchy.
04:15I've never been patriarchal.
04:16I've never behaved patriarchal.
04:18I actually was just angry once when Christine was leaving and I said, hey, we're going to do this patriarchy thing.
04:24But I've never been patriarchal.
04:27He's really set in the whole, like, I was just trying to do what was good for the family.
04:33Like, he's kind of stuck there.
04:35I don't buy that at all, honestly.
04:38Like, I mean, this isn't like a popular opinion in our family.
04:43But I think that he was doing right for the family members that he chose to be with, not for the family.
04:54Well, I think a lot of the kids feel like there was some definite favoritism, considering one person's perspective way more than the others.
05:04I think so.
05:05I love my wives.
05:06I love my children.
05:07I just wanted to keep everybody safe.
05:09When I got COVID, I did become a little bit hostile.
05:12It was like a sort of a bias from my experience.
05:15I mean, I saw the Grim Reaper.
05:17He was scary.
05:19I mean, I think that he can say what he wants, but, you know, if it's brown and it stinks, it's probably s***.
05:27My children have really begun to express that they feel like COVID just presented an opportunity for their dad to do what he's been wanting to do for a long time, which was live and make a life with his favorite wife.
05:39I mean, let's not mince words.
05:42And their dad had been expressing things to them just off the cuff about, you know, he wished that he would have waited and just married Robin.
05:49I never once told any of my children that I wish that I would have waited and just married Robin.
05:54That's a misunderstanding that has become a gossip in the family.
05:58It's like the telephone game or that game where you just repeat gossip, and by the time it gets back to you, it's completely distorted.
06:07It's really untrue.
06:10I don't know what dad says that to their kids, but my kids have many stories like that.
06:15So they automatically now are thinking that this was just an opportunity for him to kind of maneuver into that position.
06:29I texted Cody and I said, hey, I went ahead and started the process with the official termination through the church.
06:38And he never responded.
06:41I had moved on a long time ago, but I was a...
06:51Okay, so just as an update on what's going on with me and Cody, it's been an interesting year.
07:00It's literally, it's been an interesting year.
07:04You want something that we can't have together.
07:11And we can always have something else, but not that.
07:18I really, really felt like that he was just doing everything that he could to have me be the one to leave so that he could say, my hands are clean, she's the one who left.
07:30So after that, I decided I was going to move forward with the official termination through the church where we had gotten married.
07:43I texted Cody and I said, hey, I went ahead and started the process.
07:47In two weeks, if you want to, you know, give any input, have anything to do with it or whatever.
07:54And he never responded to my text.
08:01I did take a trip up to Utah earlier this week and I met with the leaders of our church.
08:09And I was granted a, what is called in our church, a release, which is basically the equivalent of a divorce.
08:19It was a very, very hard conversation.
08:23Hard in meaning heartbreaking because this is not what I wanted to do.
08:28This is not what I intended when I married Cody.
08:35Back in 2014, Cody and I did do a legal divorce.
08:40And for me, that whole process was purely for the fact that he could then marry Robin legally and then adopt her three older kids.
08:51But our spiritual marriage, our spiritual ceiling was still intact.
08:56When we marry, it is for eternity.
08:59Like, that's the intention.
09:01So once I had that terminated or released, that means it's done.
09:09Like, there's no, there's no bound that keeps us together for eternity.
09:17So Cody and I are no longer married in any way, shape or form.
09:26So there's that.
09:32So Robin and I were driving home and I got a phone call from the church leader who said,
09:38we've given Mary a release.
09:41And he said a few other things that I don't want to necessarily disclose that sort of upset me.
09:47They did say that it was on the grounds of abandonment.
09:50And I know he doesn't like that word because he doesn't feel like he abandoned me.
09:57I feel like he did.
09:59Robin felt that if I waited on God, that things could change for mine and Mary's relationship.
10:05And that was advice that I took.
10:08And I waited.
10:10And as time went on, I realized that it was never really going to work.
10:14And I'm sorry to Mary for that.
10:16I wish I would have figured it out sooner.
10:20I'm going to be going around and pulling down all pictures of Cody and me.
10:24They don't need to be there anymore.
10:26We're not a couple anymore.
10:28And also, we have spent 33 years together.
10:31This is like literally the majority of my life.
10:34I was 19 when we got married, right?
10:36Like, it is my whole adult life.
10:42Cody's been emotional about this with Mary.
10:49He shed tears about the fact that he and Mary are splitting.
10:54And he said, I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
10:57Oh, I'm absolutely relieved that it's done.
11:00It's sad. It's heartbreaking.
11:03But I'm relieved that it's done.
11:05I had moved on a long time ago, but let's just be honest here.
11:10I was afraid of what she would do if I ripped off that Band-Aid.
11:17It's because Mary was never loyal to me, ever.
11:20That's what I've been worried about, is just kind of reputation.
11:23Because when you get divorced, your reputation is trashed.
11:31It's really just sad that Cody's talking about our marriage
11:34the way that he's talking about it.
11:36It feels like the narrative has changed with him.
11:41But the things that he's saying about me to other people
11:45and that people are believing are not true.
11:49I'm just starting fresh and new and single and me.
11:54I have a lot of plans and ideas.
11:57I've got a lot of things ahead of me that I'm super excited about.
12:03And also, I'm dealing with this pain right now,
12:06so it's this weird conflict in my head.
12:09Now, I have not told anybody in the family
12:12that I went through this divorce process besides my own kid.
12:18And obviously, Cody knows, and so whoever he's told,
12:21I'm sure he's told Robin.
12:22But I just don't see it necessary.
12:25Janelle and Christine are already separated from Cody
12:28and moving on and doing their own thing.
12:30And it would just be weird for me to just pick up a phone
12:34and tell somebody who I don't really talk to anyway
12:38that I just separated.
12:41So Cody called me to talk about something, and he's like,
12:44oh, by the way, Mary got her spiritual release from me.
12:46And I'm like, okay, good, good for her.
12:48I didn't know you could do that.
12:49I didn't know we were eligible
12:50because we're no longer part of the community.
12:52But I'm like, good, all right, cool.
12:54I don't even know who to ask.
12:55I don't even know anybody at the church over there anymore.
12:58And I just don't feel inclined to because I'm just not,
13:02I don't know, just it's not an issue for me.
13:05I'm not even part of that church,
13:06and I don't respect any of the leaders of that church,
13:08and I don't think they have any say over my life.
13:12But Mary did, and I am really glad that she did.
13:14I'm glad that she got the release.
13:15I think that's really, really cool, good for her.
13:19I have no intention of becoming the bitter ex-wife.
13:26I just don't want that for me.
13:28It doesn't serve me, so I'm letting go of all of that.
13:33It's sad because there were so many times
13:35when Mary and Cody and I would be together hanging out,
13:43and I would just feel the destiny in it.
13:45Do you want me to leave so you guys can kiss hi?
13:48No, I'm sorry.
13:50Here, she's not looking.
13:52There she is.
13:54And I just really hope that she continues to
13:58want to be friends with him, want to be friends with me,
14:00and that we can still have some of those experiences together,
14:03and I just hope Mary's okay.
14:11I'm glad it's done, and now I can start the new year fresh.
14:15And also, it's heartbreaking.
14:18Fireworks!
14:20Yeah, fireworks.
14:23I'll never regret the years,
14:26because I know that I'm who I am today
14:30because of what I have learned, what I have gone through,
14:34and I'm happy with who I am.
14:40And I'm also looking forward to what's to come.
14:44Who knows what's going to be in my future, you know?
14:50There's a lot of anger towards Robin.
14:52If she actually believes that we were mistreating her
14:57or her children in any way,
14:59when she was constantly getting favorited by Dad,
15:02then there's no chance of me having a relationship
15:04with Robin ever again.
15:09He does see Savannah.
15:11It's not frequently, but every couple months or, you know,
15:16he'll call and they'll go out.
15:18But, you know, I don't know.
15:19The rest of the kids don't really have
15:21much of any kind of connection with him.
15:24I've talked to Savannah about it, and she's like,
15:26look, I just have come to realize that this is who he is.
15:30He's going to be kind of that dad who shows up
15:32and we have a lot of fun, and then he's gone.
15:35I can meet him where he's at.
15:36It's okay.
15:37But my older boys take really strong responsibility for Savannah.
15:43In fact, Savannah, as a side note, Savannah said that
15:45that's who will walk her down the aisle when she gets married
15:47will be her brothers.
15:49What do you think about, because you used to always, you know,
15:53like I have somebody.