Loneliness and Love || Acharya Prashant (2022)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~ #acharyaprashant #love #loneliness   Video Information: 23.01.2022, Vedant Mahotsav, Rishikesh, India  Context: What is aloneness? What is loneliness? How to be happy without depending on others? How to understand the fear and how to get rid of it? How to face challenges in life?  Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Namaste. My name is Nirali. I'm from US and I'm 38 years old. I work with a tech startup

00:14company here. I sorry, I'm shaking a little bit right now. And I have two questions which

00:24I'd like to ask you. One is from the reading from yesterday. It says that aloneness is

00:33not being free of others and living without others. Aloneness is to live without oneself.

00:41Aloneness is to get rid of tendency to cling to the world and to oneself. Now, if you can

00:48kind of go in a deeper level for me, I would like to understand that. And especially to

00:54get to get rid of oneself. I like to understand in more deeper level where I can practice

01:02that in my life more and become better. Nice little quote that.

01:15Aloneness is not to be free of others. Aloneness is to be free of oneself. The

01:33others are just too numerous. When you say you want to be free of one particular person or thing

01:43or place or idea or whatever, there is almost certainly a recoil and you find yourself gravitating

01:54towards something else falling in somebody else's lap. So, that happens because the fundamental

02:03tendency to stick to the world in some form or the other remains. That's what I'm calling as

02:11oneself. Oneself is characterized by the tendency to be with a multitude. There is this one and how

02:25do you know that one? That one is known by its tendency to be with many. There is the one. That

02:33one is within. That one is called the little self, the fake self, the false self or the ego.

02:39That one is characterized by the tendency to keep looking towards many with hope. Hope of

02:49fulfillment, hope of love, hope of completion and these many that are there, they are all hagglers.

03:00They are promise mongers. Like eager vendors, they want to keep selling you something. Somebody is

03:12saying I'm selling you companionship. Somebody is saying I'm selling you knowledge. Somebody is

03:19saying I'm selling you this kind of pleasure. Somebody is saying happiness. They are all eager

03:24to associate with you by offering a promise. But all those that you see around yourself,

03:34some lucrative, some horrible, some that you are indifferent to, they all exist for you

03:45fundamentally because of the tendency of oneself to keep thinking of itself as unfulfilled and

03:53hence seek association and companionship in the world. So it is largely futile to try to drop

04:06others because others are really not the fundamental problem. Even as we talk of the

04:17importance of Sangatai, right? Company. The worst company is one's own. All the other bad things

04:29that enter your life, they enter first of all because you listen to that part, that center of

04:36yourself you should have never listened to in the first place. So the primary culprit is never the

04:42others. The primary culprit is sitting within and masquerading as me, the self, the I. So it is

04:52this primary one that this quote is pointing at and declaring culpable. The others might be at

05:08fault but their fault is secondary. The others might not be good for you but their effect is

05:17secondary. The worst one is not outside of you. The worst one is inside of you and it is this

05:25worst one that is inviting all the bad things to itself and that is to you. Because it is sitting

05:33within and in its foolishness it conspires against itself. Though it wants its own welfare, granted.

05:41It says I am doing things for my well-being but it's so foolish that even as it tries to be good

05:50to itself, it invites all kinds of nonsense, even calamities. In its self-professed smartness,

06:02cleverness, knowledgeability, it keeps doing all kinds of stupid things. One is not to associate

06:11with this one sitting within. As long as this one is sitting within, it will be as we said futile to

06:21keep disposing of or getting rid of the things outside of you because one bad influence will

06:28be followed by the other. Bad will be supplanted by something worse. One bad relationship will yield

06:40to a worse one. Why? Because the tendency to get into bad relationships will remain intact. It is

06:50this tendency that we have to uproot and it has very very deep roots within our psyche. It has

06:58taken on our name. It has stolen our identity. So that's what we are talking of. To be alone is to

07:13be with the right partner within. Within you is someone who is great company. Be with that one.

07:27Or if you cannot locate who that great one is, please be patiently all by yourself.

07:37Being with no one is far far better than being with the wrong one. And in being with no one,

07:45you will realize that that no one might actually be just enough for you. That that no one in some

07:58in some magical way has an existence of its own.

08:04Just as don't we sometimes say the silence is beautiful. Now what is beautiful? Silence means

08:10nothing. But that nothingness has an existence of its own that you are referring to as beautiful.

08:19Similarly don't you say oh the space here is great.

08:22You move to a place and don't you say oh great space. Now space means nothingness.

08:28There is space is just nothing. But that nothingness is great.

08:35And then you will become fond of that nothingness, that spaciousness, that silence.

08:43That's the best company you can have. And when you have that best company then you know

08:49the right ones to be associated with even in your worldly life.

08:56Being associated with the right one within, you will learn, you will just know

09:05the right ones to be associated with in the external world. The outer follows the inner

09:13and and not vice versa. Doing the opposite is quite tough. Though it is sometimes attempted

09:20with some success. But the best thing is to start within because that's where you are.

09:27Because that's where immediate action is possible. When that fails then one tries to start

09:35somewhere outside. That will offer you some success, limited success.

09:43That's secondary thing. First thing is to start within. Why am I saying starting outside is

09:47secondary? Because as long as this enemy of yours is comfortably seated within,

09:54how will it allow you to have good company outside? Let's say you start outside and you

10:00bring in great company. Let's say some great books, a great place, a great workplace, a great

10:06teacher. Somebody great comes into your domain. Will that somebody be allowed to stay by this

10:16enemy within? This enemy within will ensure that the great one that has entered your life freshly

10:24leaves sooner than later and you'll be back to square one.

10:29So, it's important to have internal work and change in external situations will definitely follow.

10:39Aloneness is therefore not about being a social recluse. It is not about being a loner.

10:46It's about having the capability to have right company. That's aloneness.

10:57I suffice within. I am alright alone. Why? Because I have the best company within alright. So, alone

11:07I am okay. Now that I am okay even in my aloneness, I become free to have very celebratory

11:16relationships outside. Now, those relationships are not of dependence. I am not a beggar asking

11:25for fulfillment nor am I a prospective customer being cheated by loud and cunning vendors.

11:37I am alright as I am. I do not require much from the world at an existential level.

11:43At the level of my being, at the level of the I, I am alright. Now, I can

11:50relate to the world in a healthy way, in a free way. That's aloneness.

11:56That's aloneness.

12:03Okay. Now, some of the things that I have experienced

12:13when I try to be social with people and they find that I am fine by myself alone,

12:26they look at me in a pity way and they start advising that I should do this, I should do that

12:34in a almost like in a way that they are feeling bad for me. Yeah, they are patronizing you,

12:42condescending. Yeah. Yeah. So, and at that time I do become weak emotionally.

12:50Hmm.

12:54Anything that you can tell me that could help me?

12:59It's alright. I mean, they do what they are currently capable of. They are acting as per

13:07their station in life. The problem is not about what they are doing. The issue lies within.

13:16You know, somebody comes to you in a high-handed way, in a condescending way and you yield to his

13:25display of pity and by yielding to that display, you are affirming that his pity was not misplaced.

13:35So, somebody comes and expresses pity or dismay at your state, it's fine.

13:44Fine. Let him do that. Don't you have better things to direct your attention to?

13:51So, you remain concerned with what really matters to you.

13:56So, you remain concerned with what really matters to you.

14:03One characteristic of aloneness is a healthy indifference to others' opinions.

14:11You listen to others' opinions, but you are not bogged down by them.

14:16You are under no compulsion to grant them

14:21affirmation. Others' opinions are just that. Firstly, others. Secondly, opinions.

14:32Since they are others, they need not be internalized by you.

14:37And because they are opinions, they need not be taken as the truth.

14:41Others' opinions. And there are so many people in the world and people act, people speak,

14:52and they are constrained by the levels of their consciousness, by the point at which they are in

15:04their journey. So, they will do as they would. Animals act in a certain way. Birds fly in a

15:11certain way. Kids behave in one way. Idiot people behave in another way. So, all that is prakritic.

15:20All that is just physical nature. One does not feel bad about something that is just so

15:28pre-programmed physical prakritic. Prakriti just is. It's not something that you can

15:37impose your ideals on. Ideally, you could say snakes should have wings.

15:48Ideally, you could say pigs should not wallow in filth.

15:54Ideally, you could say nobody should die young. In prakriti, these things, these ideals,

16:01these norms, they just don't matter. Things are as they are. People are as they are.

16:10Now, you take care of your consciousness. Irrespective of how the material world is,

16:16how your body is, and how other bodies in the world are operating, your primary responsibility

16:23is to take care of the cleanliness of your consciousness. That's what we all are here for.

16:31Okay. That was helpful. Thank you. And one more question. This is coming from

16:41few Christianity book that I have read. There is one quote that says,

16:46love, perfect love, that is God's love, perfect love drive out fear.

16:56Can you expand something on that, please?

17:02See, anything that is perfect does not leave any space for anything else. Perfect love means that

17:11all the energy and attention is directed towards just one attainment. Even to be afraid,

17:19you need time and space and energy. When you are asleep, are you afraid?

17:28Because there is nothing available to fear. The consciousness that could have accommodated fear

17:34and experienced it is now in another state, busy elsewhere. Therefore, you are not afraid.

17:42And even at this moment, you can experience fear if you start thinking of things

17:47that are a scare to you, threat to you. Right? So, fear demands space in your mind.

17:56Fear demands that you be available to it. But when you are committed to something colossal,

18:04something extremely important, then you devote all of yourself to that particular thing.

18:10In a perfect sense, that's called love. Devoting yourself completely to something that's worth it.

18:17Devoting yourself, committing yourself absolutely to something that deserves it.

18:23Now, there is nothing available. The room is empty. Who will be afraid?

18:27There were 10 of you in the room and all 10 of you have moved elsewhere to participate

18:36in a tremendous project. All the 10 have moved out of the room to participate in something very

18:44important. Now, fear comes and knocks. Fear is now knocking on the door. Who will answer the knock?

18:52Who is there to open the door? There is nobody. Since there is nobody, nobody would be afraid.

18:57So, you have to be extremely occupied. You have to be extremely occupied. Love

19:01is the greatest occupation you can have. We all love to be busy.

19:08But we are busy with all the wrong things. Love is what we need to be busy with.

19:13Love is our purpose and our vocation in life. What are you doing? I'm loving.

19:21I'm loving. And if you're not loving, you would be indulging in all kinds of wrong things.

19:29When I'm saying I'm loving, what do I mean? I'm not using the word love in the usual way.

19:35When I'm saying love, love is your commitment towards something that absolutely deserves it.

19:42Not your personal happiness or some shallow pleasure. Love is your commitment to something

19:49that is the highest you can know of, think of. What is the highest you can know of? That's your

19:55liberation. Because you are in bondage. You can call it fulfillment. You can call it the end of

20:01your journey. You can call it your maximum desire. The ultimate you can conceive of.

20:09That's what you must be attracted to, committed to. That's called love. And when you give it

20:17everything that you have, you're left with nothing to be scared of.

20:34It's going to be a great journey.

20:41Thank you, Acharyaji.

20:42I had lots of ups and downs in my life. And I have been living alone for almost 10 years now.

20:54And I have been focusing a lot on myself from last 10 to 11 years. And what I mean by that is

21:03my work and self-development into spiritual things, spiritual work. Now, because I'm in the

21:11U.S. and I never really had a proper guidance, I was a little bit all over the place. Yeah,

21:16initially, you know what, I have read the book on Christianity. I have also read the Gita that

21:23I read and tried to understand in depth. A lot of other books also to just help me understand

21:30to just help me understand things more deeper and deeper.

21:35And very much into just listening to bhajans of Krishna and God and things like that.

21:46So, I've been going through a lot of personal health issues last year. And I've been listening

21:53to other organizations. They were making some sense to me. But I felt the more I listened to

22:05them, which I continued for several months, the more I listened to them, I became more emotionally

22:11weak. Then I had to go back and read the Gita. And then I feel better. Because it made me feel

22:19like whatever is happening to me, my karma is bad. So, somehow I stumbled upon your video on YouTube.

22:30Last four months, I have seen about 200 videos and it just boggles my mind that I'm so happy

22:38that I found you. Because finally, I don't feel alone. And a lot of things that I was thinking

22:45in my head, which I was not able to clarify, you clarified for me. So, I just wanted to say thank

22:53you so much for the wonderful work you are doing. And then deeply from my heart, I feel very

22:59connected. And I'm glad that my thought process matches with someone. Because I was about to

23:07do something really bad. I felt like there's no one who would ever understand me.

23:13So, I just wanted to express my gratitude to you on that and doing wonderful work. Thank you so much.

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