For all of you that love to watch someone's downfall, you pain-gluttons and drama-hounds. Use my link: https://ground.news/honest, to get 50% off unlimited access to Ground News. Start cutting through sensationalism today and discover the truth.
I hear you swollen-brained geniuses ruining first dates by explaining that these shows are all make-believe, and don't end up creating real relationships. We know! Take down the red yarn on your whiteboard and delete your reddit long post in progress, because this ground's been plowed.
Cast:
Roger Horton: Jack Hunter
Cryleigh: Britt Migs
Crew:
Writer: Eli Yudin
Director: Michael Strauss
Director of Photography: Rob Menzer
Editors: Gabrielle Williott
Sound: Maxwell Dipaolo
Join this channel to get access to perks:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-0dXntqR76zT7b3-iB7Q1g/join
Honest Ads Merch: https://the-cracked-dispensary.creator-spring.com
Cracked.com: https://www.youtube.com/@cracked
#reality #thebachelorabc #funny #parody #comedy
I hear you swollen-brained geniuses ruining first dates by explaining that these shows are all make-believe, and don't end up creating real relationships. We know! Take down the red yarn on your whiteboard and delete your reddit long post in progress, because this ground's been plowed.
Cast:
Roger Horton: Jack Hunter
Cryleigh: Britt Migs
Crew:
Writer: Eli Yudin
Director: Michael Strauss
Director of Photography: Rob Menzer
Editors: Gabrielle Williott
Sound: Maxwell Dipaolo
Join this channel to get access to perks:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-0dXntqR76zT7b3-iB7Q1g/join
Honest Ads Merch: https://the-cracked-dispensary.creator-spring.com
Cracked.com: https://www.youtube.com/@cracked
#reality #thebachelorabc #funny #parody #comedy
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00And just like professional wrestling, just because the storylines are fiction
00:04doesn't mean that trauma is.
00:06Drama is our business.
00:08And you can't make a dramalette without breaking a few eggs.
00:11Eggs here being the psyche of the humans we take and extract conflict from,
00:16like it's the antidote in their Ellie from The Last of Us.
00:23Before you watch this honest ad, I'm going to show you a real ad about Ground News,
00:28because they're paying me.
00:29But also, we actually use Ground News over at Honest Ad's headquarters.
00:34Ground News is a website and app developed by a former NASA engineer
00:38on a mission to give readers an easy, data-driven, objective way to read the news.
00:43Every story comes with a quick visual breakdown of the political bias,
00:47factuality, and ownership of the sources reporting.
00:50And the best part? Ground News is subscriber-funded,
00:53which means there are no ads on the platform.
00:55Let's take a look at this story about this reality TV star getting arrested at the zoo.
01:00Over 70 news outlets reported on this story,
01:02with pretty equal reporting across the political spectrum.
01:05But if you look at the bias comparison,
01:08you'll see that the center focused on the immediate legal charges,
01:11while both the left and right added some drama to spice up the story.
01:15One of my favorite features is their interactive map.
01:18I get to discover cities I've never heard of,
01:21and challenge popular narratives about the ones that make it to the mainstream media.
01:24Go to ground.news.honest.
01:27Click the link in the video description,
01:29or scan the QR code on the screen to get 50% off their Vantage plan.
01:33By signing up, you'll not only support Honest Ads,
01:36but also help Ground News in their mission to make the media landscape more transparent.
01:41This fall, you hungry moths for trauma,
01:44you pain gluttons and drama hounds,
01:47your new favorite show is coming soon.
01:50Love, Horts.
01:52A brand new reality dating show from Horton Productions
01:55that's serving up a piping hot plate of schadenfreude schnitzel.
02:00By now you probably know the drill.
02:02We've taken 12 physical therapists slash influencers,
02:05including one bisexual who we point to for inclusivity,
02:09but also paint as a queer villain.
02:11Like if Scar from The Lion King had a tragus piercing.
02:15They'll all be treated to an all-inclusive stay
02:18in a beautiful island purgatory at an undisclosed location
02:22where there'll be wine dined and held for an undisclosed amount of time.
02:26There the competition begins.
02:29Through a series of romantic dates,
02:31endless eye-f***ing,
02:32and physical challenges,
02:34they'll attempt to earn the chance to marry this doll I made.
02:38But don't worry.
02:39Just because they're competing for the love of an entirely fictional person
02:43doesn't mean the stakes aren't high.
02:45Hey, at least we aren't outright lying to the contestants,
02:48telling them that, for example,
02:50they're romancing the real Prince Harry
02:52and bringing in fake psychiatrists to gaslight them
02:55when they notice he doesn't really look like Prince Harry.
02:58Think these shows aren't for real?
02:59No doy, you doinks.
03:01We know.
03:02It's make-believe.
03:04It's entertainment,
03:05which honestly is probably for the best.
03:08Can you imagine a show about some guy who hasn't been able to find anyone,
03:12so desperate to find a co-pilot for their deathbed
03:15that they take to the airwaves to do it?
03:17God, it would be an unwatchable, gutting autopsy of the human condition.
03:22Just thinking about it makes me want to go
03:24Joey Chestnut on a bag of cyanide pills.
03:27So yeah, we deal in fiction.
03:30This is all fun.
03:32Reality shows are fake.
03:34Congratulations, Baby Sherlock.
03:36What's your next mission?
03:37The curious case of professional wrestling being rigged?
03:41It's a goddamn Hollywood production.
03:43Your criticisms are invalid.
03:45Isn't it fun how I shut that whole angle down?
03:48Well, I had to stop it before we got to the nut of this whole thing.
03:51That even though the shows are fake,
03:53the people on it,
03:54well, some of the people on it,
03:56are real.
03:57And just like professional wrestling,
03:59just because the storylines are fiction
04:01doesn't mean that trauma is.
04:03Drama is our business.
04:05And you can't make a dramalette without breaking a few eggs.
04:08Eggs here being the psyche of the humans we take and extract conflict from,
04:13like it's the antidote in their Ellie from The Last of Us.
04:16Don't get the veil too hard and you'll see us back there
04:19doing the mental equivalent of using cattle prods
04:22to orchestrate an emotional bullfight.
04:24Let's take a look at how the sausage is made
04:27by talking to one of our little bratwursts in progress, shall we?
04:31Please, please, will someone tell me what time it is?
04:34You know you're not allowed to know that.
04:36If we throw you lifelines to reality,
04:38you'll stop that beautiful floundering.
04:41Oh, did the doctor give you your shots yet today?
04:44No.
04:46There we go.
04:47A little gasoline for the engine.
04:49Now, spill your little guts.
04:51Hey, while I'm here, I wanted to mention,
04:53it's like really hot in the mansion.
04:55Like really, really hot.
04:57Like I tried to adjust the thermostat,
04:59but it just turned out it was a cookie that someone painted and glued to the wall.
05:02Suggestion received and rejected.
05:04Look, if we gave you air conditioning, what's next?
05:06A book to read, eight hours of sleep, a gold hat?
05:09Oh, speaking of sleep, the speakers in my room
05:11were doing that thing again where they're whispering Latin
05:13and playing sounds of what sounds like maybe a distressed goat?
05:16Weird.
05:17I could have sworn the tape said
05:19calming delta waves for sleep and study.
05:22But, back to paradise.
05:24How's your day been going?
05:25Okay, I guess.
05:27I'm just chatting with Shannon by the pool, so.
05:29Shannon, huh?
05:30Oh, she's been saying some stuff about you.
05:33Some bad stuff.
05:34Stuff that makes the YouTube comments section
05:37seem like words of affirmation.
05:40Shannon?
05:41But, we get along so well.
05:43She's really my only friend here.
05:44We're from the same hometown.
05:46Well, I don't want to be telling tales outside the schoolhouse,
05:49but she's been telling the doll that you have substance abuse problems.
05:53She's also strongly implied that you were involved
05:57in the assassination of Congolese Prime Minister Patrice Lumumba.
06:02That bitch!
06:03Alright, wake up the crew.
06:05Tell them we're going to be clocking in some of that sweet non-union overtime.
06:09And to you viewers, make sure to keep an eye out for the premiere.
06:13Find out which of our contestants earn the ultimate honor,
06:16humping our chosen bachelor behind a closed door
06:19while the whole country waits outside like they're breeding pandas.
06:22Love, Horts.
06:24Coming, but never showing it on camera, this fall.
06:27I've been Roger, by the way.
06:31I'll be back.