Dave made a post yesterday about a guy who is dying from Andy's worst nightmare. The guy was constipated and only has a few weeks to live. People thought that Dave was actually talking about Andy and accidentally started a death hoax about him.
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00:00Chuck, what's wrong?
00:01Dude, I'm dragging.
00:02Do you have any more of those five-hour energy shots?
00:04Yeah, in fact, they hooked us up with a promo code.
00:06I was able to get, like, 50% off a second pack when I bought one,
00:09so I got you a bunch.
00:10Dude, where are they?
00:11Right next to you.
00:12They've been there for weeks.
00:13Oh, wow!
00:19We're going to start with a celebrity death hoax.
00:24Who died?
00:25And I started it.
00:27What did you do?
00:29And it was about Andy.
00:31People thought I died?
00:33What?
00:33I'm so sorry.
00:34What happened?
00:35What in the world did you do?
00:36What?
00:37What in God's name did you do?
00:39Well, I don't know.
00:40Dude, if they believe it, then I should probably just take advantage of that
00:43and just, like, take care of all my credit problems.
00:46It was a split-of-the-moment decision I had yesterday.
00:51Is that even such a thing?
00:52Spur-of-the-moment.
00:52Spur-of-the-moment.
00:53I think it's more of a spur.
00:54More of a spur than a split.
00:55Yep.
00:55There was this article I saw as I was looking for stuff to talk about on the show.
01:02And the headline was,
01:04Man is constipated, dies three days later.
01:09Oh, yeah.
01:09No, and I saw that.
01:11I didn't for one second think you were announcing that Andy was dead.
01:14Well, and all I put up was Andy Green's worst nightmare.
01:18Oh, my God.
01:19Yeah.
01:20Like, to me, I...
01:20And it all came condolences.
01:23Oh, my God.
01:24Andy, I'm so sorry.
01:26They were serious?
01:28Yeah, they must have been joking.
01:30No, no.
01:31No.
01:31I had to remove everything.
01:34But it was clearly...
01:35That doesn't make sense.
01:36We live in a special time, guys.
01:37We got, then, like, the saddest emails, people expressing deepest sympathy.
01:42People cared, huh?
01:43And then they did.
01:44They thought I died of constipation.
01:46Yeah, well, I guess in a weird way, they're like, he could die that way.
01:50I talk about it a lot.
01:51Which is wild.
01:52I fear it.
01:53Yeah.
01:54Are you sure they weren't joking?
01:55No, Lisa.
01:56I had to...
01:56Like, it wasn't just, like, all a big joke.
01:59Like, everyone was joking?
02:01Like...
02:01Oh, my God.
02:02I think it was...
02:03There's no way.
02:04I mean, it was clearly, like...
02:06Do you know how people live like that?
02:07The headline was, I was constipated, now I just have weeks to live.
02:11Yeah, and it was a very shocking photo of...
02:14In there, and this is the photo of the couple, and then it was attached to how he looks now.
02:19Yeah.
02:20Okay.
02:20So, did they think that was me?
02:21I may be.
02:22No, they did not.
02:24How?
02:25They didn't think that.
02:26I don't even understand.
02:27So, what was it...
02:28No, Lisa, I guarantee you...
02:30Well, let me see some of the things that were saying.
02:31I had to delete everything.
02:32You had to delete it.
02:33You said you had emails.
02:35No, no, messages.
02:36Facebook Messenger.
02:37Oh.
02:38Through, um...
02:39Like, when they post underneath?
02:41Well, you know.
02:43It's nice.
02:43I guess that I'm glad that people cared, but, like, I don't know...
02:46I mean, that's nice.
02:47You made me want to read what people wrote.
02:48I don't know.
02:48No.
02:49I don't...
02:49That's so weird.
02:50I don't want to be dead yet.
02:52No, but, I mean, they care.
02:5322 years.
02:53I got 22 years.
02:54I don't know how to delete everything, but I don't know how to get Facebook Messengers back.
02:58Maybe there's a way.
02:59It's a deleted file.
03:00But, yeah, no apology necessary, man.
03:02I don't think you could have saw that coming.
03:04I could not have.
03:05I think the way life works right now is that, you know, people are mostly concerned with...
03:10Well, this is just life.
03:11People are mostly concerned with their own thing.
03:14Right.
03:14And then they see something online.
03:17It's almost like seeing it out of the corner of their eye.
03:21And even when they read it, they read it so quickly that they're like, oh...
03:27And then they look at the comment, and if one person put...
03:32Sorry.
03:33Yeah, like condolences about Andy...
03:36But it wasn't one.
03:37There was, like, 20 on Instagram.
03:39But this is what I'm saying, like, one person sees that, and then they're like, oh, my God,
03:43I should.
03:44Then they put theirs.
03:45And then the next person sees that, oh, my God, no way.
03:49And then they do.
03:50Like, dude, I feel like a character in a Charles Dickens novel or something.
03:54Like, I saw the ghost of Constipation Future.
03:57Yeah, he visited you.
03:58Yeah, like, that's what I feel.
04:00I'm seeing everybody's condolences.
04:01I just couldn't...
04:02I had, like, the craziest, busiest day yesterday.
04:04I don't even know why I posted it.
04:05I just thought, oh, what a funny, weird headline.
04:08But what you posted wasn't wrong.
04:09It should not have been taken.
04:11I mean, it doesn't...
04:11It's just, like...
04:13I just said, Andy Green's worst nightmare.
04:14That's all I said.
04:15Andy Green...
04:16Like, yeah, worst nightmare.
04:17Worst nightmare.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Not, like, Andy Green is gone because of constipation.
04:21Those people think that's how you'd announce my death.
04:23Yeah, I know.
04:24That's what's insane.
04:25That's what's insane to me.
04:26Andy dies on the show, so we share an article?
04:29He lives by the joke.
04:31Like, we don't, like, put something together.
04:33Constipation's serious.
04:34You know?
04:35Like, ah.
04:36Andy died of his worst nightmare.
04:39It's flattering in certain ways, and I also like that I know you couldn't reach everybody
04:42that thought that, so there are a few people out there that are like, yeah, Andy Green,
04:46he died of constipation.
04:48Oh, yeah.
04:48There's nothing on your Instagram, though.
04:50People didn't...
04:50You know how when people die, they write, like, on your Instagram, your last post?
04:55There's nothing written.
04:55Yeah, no, nobody hit me up.
04:57He must have got it quick.
04:58Well, I don't really think...
04:58So, see, here's my...
05:00You can't really see it.
05:01That's just...
05:02I was trying to see if it was somewhere on the internet, but that 14 hours ago, I put
05:06that up, but now when I click it, it doesn't show anything because I've deleted it.
05:11Andy Green's worst nightmare.
05:12That'd be a crazy way to announce my death.
05:14Oh, my God, yeah.
05:16Like you.
05:17It is not how we would do that.
05:19No, it's not...
05:21It doesn't...
05:22It's just...
05:22This is your worst nightmare.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Constipation.
05:25Yeah, it is.
05:26It's one of them.
05:27It's up there.
05:28I mean, we all have...
05:28It's up there.
05:29Worst nightmare.
05:30I don't know.
05:31Well, it's a joke.
05:32I was exaggerating for comedy.
05:34That's what we do with Joey.
05:35We do jokes, but I...
05:36We can't do jokes because people don't get it, I guess.
05:39I do like the idea of somebody talking to somebody about constipation or something,
05:43and they're like, I killed Andy Green, you know?
05:45Well, yeah, because think about how life works, too.
05:48There are people that are just half-assed.
05:50They half-assed listen.
05:51They half-assed go on social media.
05:54So, to them, you're dead.
05:55I'm dead forever.
05:56And they might be...
05:57You might be dead.
05:59Yeah, like you said, forever to them.
06:01They're happy to hear you.
06:02Yeah, no, I know.
06:03They won't...
06:04Well, they're not even listening today.
06:05Chuckle is right, though.
06:06They'll hear, like, bits and pieces.
06:08They'll probably maybe not hear me say something for a minute.
06:10Exactly.
06:10They're like, he's off the show.
06:11He's dead.
06:12He's dead.
06:12He's dead as dead can be.
06:13Well, and then, you know, they don't even know our names or, like, our voices,
06:17right.
06:18Right.
06:18So, then, like...
06:21But you're at, like, the corner of the eye thing.
06:23You know what I mean?
06:23Like, that is true.
06:24People read, like, three words of a headline and be like, no!
06:27Oh, God!
06:28Mm-hmm.
06:29Yeah, one Vanty.
06:32Yeah, that's it.
06:33Right on, Carrie.
06:34Right on.
06:34You know what I mean?
06:35Yeah.
06:36That's it.
06:37So, I thought I was going to reach out to you and say, oh, my God, dude, I'm so sorry.
06:42Weird text that would have been.
06:43No, and I was so busy yesterday.
06:44I'm like, why did I do that?
06:45Why did I make a cubicle?
06:46I don't know why you did.
06:46I'm surprised that you posted in the middle of everything you have going on.
06:50Like, you find...
06:50I had...
06:51That was what was...
06:51Like, you work all the time.
06:53Like...
06:53Well, I was looking for my, like, five-minute break.
06:56I'm looking for stuff to talk about.
06:56I thought he got hacked.
06:57I thought he got hacked.
06:57Like, because I never see that kind of stuff.
07:00And for...
07:00It popped up in my stuff.
07:02And I was like, oh, Dave got hacked.
07:04Yeah, this was the screen cap I posted.
07:07Yeah.
07:07Oh, my God.
07:08So, I guess people thought that was...
07:09It says New York Post.
07:10I know.
07:10See, that's another thing that's just depressing.
07:12I mean, really?
07:12They think that's me.
07:13That's more depressing than dying.
07:14No, it's awful.
07:15Might as well die.
07:16Might as well do it, right?
07:18Might as well just die.
07:20Oh, come on.
07:21I was constipated.
07:22Now I have just weeks to live.
07:24This is why social media is exhausting.
07:26I just...
07:26You have to re...
07:27You have to...
07:27I hope they don't think the fat man laying down was me, because I hope they think I can
07:31do better than that lady.
07:33Come on, man.
07:34That's what you're taking away from this?
07:36Wow, I'll be honest.
07:37I mean, you'll be alone other than that.
07:39I would rather be alone than have that kind of a lie.
07:42I know how you...
07:43I will.
07:44I'll die alone.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Yeah.
07:46There were several RIP Andy Greens.
07:48There was one, no, with 18-0 green beans, and then, like, comments under that, like,
07:54this is so sad.
07:55I can't believe it.
07:56Oh, my God.
07:57That's wild.
07:58Really?
07:58It says New York Post.
08:01I know, but they don't...
08:01It's a story.
08:03They thought Andy made the New York Post.
08:04It's his worst nightmare to have that.
08:06You have to understand, they just skimmed by...
08:08Like, you're in the...
08:10You're scrolling.
08:11Scrolling.
08:12People are going to put flowers in toilets for me.
08:16I love that idea.
08:17They're going to put flowers in toilets.
08:18I do love it.
08:20I might start it.
08:21Well, that's it.
08:22I'm done with this.
08:23That's incredible.
08:23No, that's funny, because...
08:24You have to explain jokes.
08:25It's over.
08:25The whole time this is going on, you know what I did yesterday?
08:28Got a double whopper.
08:29Yeah.
08:31You could be constipated then.
08:33No, that's going to push it a little.
08:36That was supposed to be in the future.
08:37Yeah.
08:38Like a bulldozer.
08:39Yep.
08:40That's like a greasy bulldozer.
08:42It is like a greasy bulldozer.
08:43That is funny, though, man.
08:45What a rumor.
08:47Yeah.
08:47I'm sorry.
08:48No, it's all good.
08:49It was so stupid.
08:50I'm, like, looking at the comments going, oh, for God's sake.
08:53Yeah, like, and it took me a while, obviously, to go back to it.
08:57Yeah.
08:57And then I'm like, oh, it blew up?
08:59What the hell?
09:00Because, one, something caught my eye that was like, this is so sad about Andy.
09:06And I'm like, what?
09:08What do they mean?
09:09And then I'm like, oh, my God, they think he's dead.
09:11And then so you've got to correct it all.
09:15That's funny to me.
09:15Like, I put a neck pillow on Douglas and posted it on his account, you know, and then everyone
09:19thought it was a cone.
09:20And then they thought he was something that happened.
09:22And then they're like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
09:24Like, oh, get well soon.
09:25And I'm like, then I have to explain it.
09:27I'm like, no, it's just a neck pillow.
09:28I should have said that.
09:28No, you just thought it was funny on him, right?
09:30You just thought it was funny.
09:32And so then it does.
09:33It takes time to go back and let everyone know.
09:36Yeah.
09:36I really did.
09:37But I didn't even let anyone know you were alive.
09:38I was just like, I'm just going to delete it.
09:40Delete it.
09:40I don't have any time to do, like, death hoax debunked to my mythos.
09:46Yeah, exactly.
09:47But Ian Soranson.
09:49Yeah, that's to my mythos.
09:50But, like, yeah, incredible stuff.
09:53I am glad that people – it's weird.
09:55I'm torn about it because I don't like that after doing this for so long,
10:00people think I could be that guy or that guy.
10:03I know.
10:03No one does.
10:03But, yes, they care.
10:04Think about how many times I've sent photos where it's like, look,
10:07I saw Chuck.
10:08I know.
10:09I saw Chuck.
10:10And it's like a challenged guy pushing a, you know, cart.
10:16If there's a mentally challenged Gordon Ramsay, I get sent that all the time.
10:19Oh, yeah.
10:20So, yeah.
10:20It happens.
10:21It happens.
10:21But, anyway, people care.
10:23That's good.
10:23They care.
10:23That's the takeaway.
10:25Damn, what a weird –
10:26We'll take that away from all this.
10:27It's positive.
10:28That's like an Elvis way to go.
10:30Yeah, it's bad.
10:30I did not mean to start a death hoax.
10:32No, it's okay.
10:33It's just a comedy.
10:33I think it's one of the – at least it's funny.
10:35Yeah.
10:36It is funny.
10:36At least it's a funny death hoax.
10:38Constipation took him out.
10:39Can you believe it?
10:40This is a funny death hoax.
10:42I just know –
10:42He did more cocaine than you can ever imagine.
10:44Constipation got him.
10:47Andy, there's – there's whole group chats.
10:50There is whole group chats.
10:51They're like, Andy's gone.
10:52Yeah, I know.
10:53Yeah.
10:54R.I.P.
10:55Yeah.
10:56Like, and some of them won't even – like, there are people out there that are, like, weeks behind.
11:03They don't, like, listen while we're live.
11:05They just listen on the podcast, and they're catching up all the time.
11:09They're catching up.
11:09Yeah.
11:10If they see something online, Andy's dead, they won't know maybe for, like, three weeks that you're not dead.
11:18I know.
11:18And then it's, like – it's one of those things where, like, it's, like, a headline comes out.
11:22It's a big deal.
11:23And then if you update to the news story, nobody sees that.
11:26Exactly.
11:27So I'm dead to lots of people, which is crazy.
11:30So I'm, like, literally moving stuff in and out of our house, right?
11:34And Amber's, like, because I'm angry.
11:38She's, like, what's wrong with you?
11:39I'm, like, well, I killed Andy.
11:40She's, like, why?
11:42They're, like, people think Andy's dead because of me.
11:44Stupid.
11:45That's all.
11:46I just kept going.
11:48I got to probably do commercials now that play all the time and say, I'm alive.
11:53I'm really green and I'm alive.
11:55I'm here for life.
11:56Yeah.
11:57I just wanted to update you.
11:59And there was some, I will say, cool people that were, like, you guys, it's a joke.
12:04But after, like, seven, R.I.P., oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
12:07And then someone would comment.
12:08But those people would never see that, right?
12:10No commenting.
12:11Well, that's the problem with social media, right?
12:14Yeah, you can't fix people.
12:15There is people.
12:17People don't.
12:18It's disappointing.
12:19You absorb it.
12:20Right.
12:21They're just, like, he's dead.
12:22You're skimming your way through life is what I think it is.
12:26You're skimming.
12:27You know, it's just skimming your way.
12:30I don't know, Facebook Messenger, but I replied to some people that were commenting and asking
12:33about you.
12:34And then one reply was, like, oh, my God, he's alive.
12:37Send.
12:38That's hilarious.
12:40Yeah, the more that came in, Dave probably was getting more upset.
12:45Anyways, Andy's fine.
12:47It was a simple joke that I'll never do again.
12:49That is not Andy.
12:49That is not Andy in the New York Post.
12:52He did not die of constipation.
12:53You will see me dead before I'm with a woman that looks like that.