Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 11 The Secret Life Of Jim Dial
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Make me feel more
00:02Was I was a girl I knew before
00:06Between the two of us girls, you know I love you more
00:11It took me by some times I must say
00:16When I found out yesterday
00:20Don't you know that I heard it for the very blinds
00:24I heard it for the very blinds
00:25I heard it for the very blinds
00:27I heard it for the very blinds
00:28Jim, Jim, wait, wait, wait
00:44Will, he'll get to the next one
00:45Listen, Jim, since Doris is out of town this week
00:49What do you say you and I have a boys' night out?
00:52Catch a movie, maybe do a little Christmas shopping
00:55Are you with me?
00:55Thank you for the kind offer, but I was planning to spend a nice quiet evening at home
00:59Oh, come on, Jim, you must be lonely
01:01Look, no one likes to eat alone or shop alone
01:05Last Christmas, I had to rely on the Cuisinart demonstration lady to help me pick out a scarf from my mother
01:12Please come with me, all right?
01:14I really don't think you should be alone today
01:16No, forgive me, Frank, but I just want to go home
01:19Okay, fine, here, I'll help you with a scarf
01:21Jim, I was just coming to get you
01:24Miles gave my story two thumbs up, so I'm free tonight
01:27So Doris is out of town, how about I make you an awesome cook meal?
01:30Oh, many thanks, but no need
01:31Before Doris left for Florida, she had all my meals frozen and labeled and put in little plastic tubs
01:36She even put in a surprise spice for each one
01:39Last night was cilantro, sly boots
01:42Are you sure, Jim?
01:44I'll make black and red fish, scalloped potatoes, little tiny pecan pies
01:49No, I'm afraid I'll have pecan pies
01:51I'll come
01:52Okay
01:53Let's stop by and pick up pizza on the way
01:56Is pepperoni okay?
02:01Hey, Jim
02:03Tell you what, since Doris is out of town, I'll pick you up around 8 and we'll go test drive the new Beamers
02:096.35, 7.35, 8.35
02:14You're going crazy
02:16No, thank you, Miles, I have a quiet evening at home planned
02:19Okay, but if you change your mind, the 95 models have super V8 engines and dual cup holders
02:25Let me shred this for me, will you?
02:30What have got this, Lugger?
02:31Oh, it's that sleazy tabloid, the Tattler
02:33Boy, you air one little story calling them the festering canker sort of journalism and suddenly you're the bad guy
02:39Look at this, a photograph of me taken after an 8-hour plane trip
02:46Oh, this is outrageous
02:47What's that on your head?
02:49My hair
02:50Oh
02:50So, what are you up to tonight?
02:54No, Murphy, before you start, too
02:56Just because Doris is out of town doesn't mean I need you to entertain you this evening
02:59I am going to take advantage of my temporary bachelor
03:03And indulge in a few forbidden places
03:05I'm going to go home
03:07Change into my pajamas
03:08And those ratty little slippers that Doris keeps throwing out when I keep pulling back out of the trash
03:14And heat up a cup of cocoa with whole milk and those little tiny marshmallows
03:19And settle in to watch Doris' least favorite movie, Ice Station Zebra
03:22Doris is out of town?
03:26Hello, I'm Murphy Brown and you must be the Andersons
03:42Bea and Irv
03:45I'm your new secretary
03:47He's just sitting here
03:49Listen to the big shot
03:52Who drove you here?
03:54You brought your husband
03:55He's retired
03:56But if I leave him home alone, he eats all the chocolates
03:59He's diabetic
04:01I am not diabetic
04:03Who told you I was diabetic?
04:05Who told me?
04:06The doctor
04:06Yeah, well, he would say that
04:09That's how he makes his money
04:11I've got a message
04:13Senator Tom Johnson called
04:17Oh, thank you
04:18It wasn't Tom Johnson
04:19It was John Thompson
04:20And he's not a senator
04:22He's a congressman
04:23Like you know the difference
04:25You haven't voted since 1948?
04:29Yeah, well after Truman
04:30They've all been bums
04:31He's the only one
04:32Who had the guts to drop the bomb
04:34I tell you what
04:37Why don't you two discuss this with personnel?
04:41Again with the bomb
04:42Another job I lost
04:45Just because you can't keep your mouth shut about the bomb
04:48Hey, Murph
04:52Have you seen the tattler today?
04:54Oh, God
04:55Don't tell me
04:55They've got me in there again
04:57They still have me holed up in that love shack with Tom Snyder
05:00Will you throw that rag away?
05:02I don't want to hear any more of their lies
05:04It's not about you, Murphy
05:05It's about Jim
05:06Really?
05:08What are they saying?
05:08Let's get it a little bit
05:10It's a classic
05:11Uh, Jim Dial's Wild Night
05:14They're saying that after he left here last night
05:15He got drunk
05:17Hired a hooker
05:18And got arrested in the gambling raid
05:20At least now I know why he didn't want to go shopping with me
05:23Oh, please
05:26They ran out of stuff to make up about me
05:28So they moved on to Jim
05:30Jim, of all people
05:31I mean, who is going to believe this stuff?
05:34Oh, God
05:34Have you guys seen this stuff about Jim and the tattler?
05:37We're dead
05:38Oh, Miles
05:40Calm down
05:40They print this stuff about Murphy all the time
05:43But this is Jim
05:44Jim is our rock
05:46Our moral center
05:47FYI is
05:48Like a Tootsie Pop
05:50And Jim is our chewy center
05:52Only reversed
05:54If the center were hard
05:55And the outside were chewy
05:57Sure, it would make a lousy lollipop
05:58But you know what I'm talking about
05:59Miles, come on
06:01This is the Washington tattler
06:03But these pictures
06:05Jim looking drunk
06:06With his arm around a strange woman
06:08Oh, they're all fakes
06:09They've got all these pictures of Bob Packwood lying around
06:11They just stick different heads on them
06:12Really?
06:15You think?
06:16Absolutely
06:17Nobody believes this stuff
06:19It's just bunk
06:19Morning, all
06:23Hey, look who's here
06:25It's Wild Man Jim
06:26Sure, tell me
06:27How was your quiet night last night?
06:30Yeah
06:31How'd you cap off the evening, Jim?
06:33Knock over a convenience store?
06:36Well, you know what they say
06:37When the cat's away
06:38And the mouse gets drunk
06:39And goes looking for hookers
06:41Well, I gather from your witty insinuations
06:45That you've all read this morning's tattler
06:46Well, let me take this opportunity to say
06:49It's utter hogwash
06:50Well, tell us about it
06:51No, she didn't like any of us
06:52Believe those pictures were really you
06:54Well, those pictures were me
06:56They're not Bob Packwood?
06:59No
06:59They took a perfectly innocent evening
07:03And created something
07:04Debauched and depraved
07:06What happened to going home alone last night?
07:09What happened to hot cocoa
07:10And those tiny little marshmallows?
07:12Damn, those tiny little marshmallows
07:13They're what got me into this mess
07:15What the hell happened last night, Jim?
07:20It's quite simple, really
07:21I was arrested
07:23In a gambling raid
07:25At that cocktail lounge
07:27Which I was only in in the first place
07:28Because I had to use the phone
07:29I'd been escorted there
07:30By that young woman
07:31Who had come to my aid
07:32After I twisted my ankle
07:34In those damn slippers
07:35I should have let Doris throw
07:36Years ago
07:36That was because my tires
07:38Were slashed outside
07:39The convenience store
07:40Whose phone was out of order
07:42Where I had gone to pick up
07:43Those infernal marshmallows
07:44Which I discovered
07:45I'd run out of
07:46When I sat down
07:47To watch Ice Station Zebra
07:48With my hot cocoa
07:49As I said before
07:50Quite simple
07:51Now, if you'll forgive me
07:52I believe that's all
07:54There is to be said
07:54About this matter
07:55See, there's a logical explanation
08:04For everything
08:05That makes sense
08:07Yeah
08:07Couldn't be clearer
08:09Yep
08:10Jim was with a hooker
08:11Because of tiny little marshmallows
08:13No, I have no comment
08:21On Jim Dial
08:22I have absolutely nothing
08:24To say on the Jim Dial
08:25Situation
08:25Corky, the Times
08:27Must have talked to you
08:27I've got news week
08:29Murphy, I've got a call for you
08:31Forget it
08:31I don't want to take
08:32Any more calls about Jim
08:33It's the Pentagon
08:34Oh
08:34Finally
08:35Hello
08:38Yes, Admiral
08:41Well, thank you for
08:42What?
08:44What?
08:45No, Jim
08:46Can't book you entertainment
08:47For next year's
08:48Tailhook convention
08:49I told you, Miles
08:52I'm not going to dignify this
08:53With a response
08:54Come on, Jim
08:55Just a little press release
08:56One or two sentences max
08:58I don't see the point
08:59It's just that
09:00While everyone here
09:01Understands the whole
09:03Marshmallow
09:03Hooker
09:04Gambling connection
09:05The general public
09:07Seems to be having
09:08A little problem
09:09That's their problem
09:10I've been in the public eye
09:12For 38 years
09:13And with the exception
09:13Of that unfortunate decision
09:15To poke my head out
09:16Of that door
09:17On Laugh-In
09:17I've never had to explain
09:19My actions to anyone
09:19And I don't see why
09:21I should start now
09:22I think I should warn you
09:23I just got a tip
09:24From accounting
09:25Apparently there's
09:26An advance man
09:27From Geraldo
09:27In the building
09:28Oh, dear lord
09:30Jim
09:31Do you have any tattoos?
09:33Come on, Jim
09:34Let's go to Phil's
09:35And have lunch
09:36And get the hell out of here
09:36Well, it is a little
09:37On the early side
09:39For lunch
09:39But who has to know
09:40Oh, Mr. Lansing
09:45Look, everybody
09:46It's Mr. Lansing
09:47We were just on our way
09:48Not to lunch
09:49So, what put you down here?
09:51What, I need a reason
09:52To drop by?
09:53Of course not
09:54Drop by any time
09:55You think I have time
09:56To drop by without a reason?
09:59Think I'm like you
10:00Gallivanting out to lunch?
10:01It's ten minutes to noon
10:03Folks, I'd like to talk
10:05To Jim alone
10:06Well, if it's all right
10:07With you, Stan
10:07I'd like to be here for this
10:09And I'd like to be
10:10At Pebble Beach
10:11Playing golf
10:12With Cindy Crawford
10:13As my caddy
10:14But life is full
10:17Of disappointments
10:19Like my idiot son
10:22With the nose ring
10:23That's a different story
10:26You're on your own, Jim
10:28I said I'd like to talk
10:34To Jim alone
10:35You heard the man
10:36Let's go, let's go
10:38All clear, Mr. Lansing
10:41Jim, Jim
10:45Silverberg
10:55Which part of the word alone
10:57Didn't you understand?
11:00Take the stairs
11:01Thank you
11:03Now, where was I?
11:06I believe it was
11:06Jim, Jim, Jim
11:08Oh, right
11:09Jim, Jim, Jim
11:11What can I say
11:13That's senior anchor
11:15On my most respected news show
11:18Involved with gambling
11:20And prostitutes
11:22Listen, Stan
11:23I can explain everything
11:25I love it
11:26Sure, another time
11:29Another place
11:30I would be enforcing
11:32Your morality clause
11:33But
11:34My network is in third place
11:36Teetering on fourth
11:38So when your little adventure
11:40Started bringing in
11:41Young viewers in droves
11:43I was a happy man
11:45You're a god to them
11:47A god?
11:50I feel like
11:52Like Zeus
11:52Or Luke Perry
11:55Jim, I have to tell you
12:00The way you're playing this one out
12:02Is a thing of beauty
12:04No, Stan
12:05Stan, I feel I must say
12:06That I'm not playing anything
12:07I simply refuse
12:09To dignify these absurd allegations
12:11With a response
12:12Good
12:12That's good
12:14Keep a low profile
12:15Let them speculate
12:17People today love scandal
12:20In the past
12:22I had to rely on Murphy for that
12:24But this year
12:26Christmas came early
12:27And you went crazy
12:29God bless you, Jim Dyer
12:33No, no, wait, wait, wait
12:34Just a second there, Stan
12:36I feel compelled
12:37To clear the air
12:38No, no
12:38You don't have to explain
12:40I don't want to know
12:41No, no, but, but, Stan
12:42You see
12:43I judge no man
12:48We all have
12:48Our little idiosyncrasies
12:50I won't trouble you with mine
12:51Although judging
12:53From that wild night of yours
12:55I think
12:56We have a few areas
12:57That overlap
12:58I'm leaving
13:01Everybody back
13:03That is left admirers
13:12Friends and colleagues
13:13Scratching their heads in wonder
13:15Over the mysterious antics
13:17Of the once irreproachable
13:19Network anchor
13:20Using official reports
13:22On current edition's own
13:23Crack investigative team
13:24We've pieced together
13:25The true story
13:26Of Jim Dial's
13:28Wild night
13:29After a night of heavy boozing
13:31Mr. Dial
13:32Lead anchor of FYI
13:34Whose wife was out of town
13:36Was seen weaving down the street
13:38Looking for a prostitute
13:40Hey, baby
13:41I'm Jim Dial
13:43Lead anchor of FYI
13:45Uh, my wife's out of town
13:47And I'm looking for a prostitute
13:49Next stop for our Randy Roving
13:53Alright, that's enough
13:54Show's over
13:56Hey, easy there, kid
13:57Shit hasn't been the same
13:59Since you threw that ketchup
14:00Pottler
14:01Or Neil Diamond
14:02Or Neil Diamond
14:02Unplugged
14:03Oh, no
14:09Bob
14:10Can you believe this?
14:13I mean, if they knew Jim the way we do
14:14All of these ridiculous stories
14:16Would just dry up
14:17You know what I mean?
14:18Uh-huh
14:18Uh-huh
14:19Uh-huh
14:19Wait a minute
14:21What are you saying?
14:22This is Jim
14:22Yeah?
14:23Jim
14:24Oh, no
14:26Don't tell me you guys are buying this crap
14:29No
14:30I mean, obviously most of this stuff is far-fetched
14:33But, I don't know
14:35I did happen to be talking to a source of mine
14:40Who said that, well, some of this stuff could be true
14:43What?
14:44I'm not saying I believe it
14:45I'm just saying it could be possible
14:47I mean, how well do we know Jim?
14:49Sure, we work with him every day
14:51We socialize occasionally
14:53But then he goes home
14:54And he has this whole other life
14:56We know nothing about
14:58Like, isn't it weird
15:00That we only found out two years ago
15:02That he's colorblind?
15:03Ooh
15:04What about the fact that he's been
15:07In a barbershop quartet for the past 12 years
15:09And hasn't invited us to a concert once?
15:13Ooh, there's your scandal, Frank
15:15Run with that one
15:16You know what's weird?
15:17One time, I went by his office
15:19And he was on the call
15:21And he said, I have to go
15:22Then he hung up really quickly
15:24Really quickly
15:25Think that's my thing?
15:30Whenever we pick him up on carpool day
15:32He's always standing at the curb
15:34Like there's something in his house
15:36He doesn't want us to see
15:37At this Christmas point last year
15:40There was one door
15:41And it was locked all the time
15:45What do you think that's all about?
15:48You know what?
15:49I know what's down there
15:51At the bottom of an old rippity staircase
15:55Is a long, dark hallway
15:58That leads to nothing
16:00Will you get a hold of this?
16:02Hey there, Mr. Floyd
16:05Very witty
16:06Very witty indeed
16:08Hey, Jim
16:08Hey, how'd it go with Lansing, Jim?
16:11Oh, the man's a vulgarian
16:12Not only does he love all this publicity
16:14He actually believes it
16:16Isn't that something?
16:18Yes, can you imagine that?
16:20Somebody not believing you?
16:23Corky, Miles, Frank
16:24Can you imagine that?
16:25What's going on here?
16:28Well, nothing really
16:30It's just that
16:31Apparently there are a few
16:33Nagging questions
16:34About your whereabouts last night
16:36That your friends
16:37Would like you to shed some wine on
16:39Isn't that right, Jim?
16:40Oh, really?
16:40Don't you have?
16:41Look, Jim
16:42I wouldn't describe them
16:44As nagging questions
16:45There are just
16:46Certain discrepancies
16:49About your night
16:50I mean, wouldn't you say, guys
16:52It sounds about
16:53That's all
16:54I think I provided
16:56A reasonable explanation
16:57For what
16:58Well, that evening
16:58Yes
16:59Yes, you have, Jim
17:00Yeah, everything you said
17:01Makes perfect sense
17:03Thank you
17:03It's just when you run it all together
17:05Yes, I'm right
17:06You know
17:07That was really
17:08Dear Lord
17:11You don't believe me
17:13My closest friends
17:15Don't believe me
17:16I am stunned
17:19You people
17:20Should just be
17:21Ashamed of yourselves
17:23I want you to know, Jim
17:24Whatever your story is
17:26I believe you
17:27Story
17:28What do you mean, my story?
17:29Well, you know, your story
17:30Your version of the facts
17:31Oh, so now it's my version
17:33No, you misunderstood
17:34No, no, no
17:35I think I understood quite well
17:36You're implying that my explanation
17:38Of that evening's events
17:39Is a cover
17:40No, no, no
17:41I'm not implying
17:41A fabrication
17:42No, Jim
17:43An alibi
17:44If you will
17:45Jim, you are twisting my words
17:46All right, all right
17:47I want you to look me straight in the eye
17:49And tell me
17:51You believe every single word is true
17:55Every word?
17:59Oh
18:00Jim, we're really sorry
18:06No, no, no
18:06I don't want your apologies
18:08The fact of the matter is
18:10There is
18:13Something about me
18:15That's gone and said
18:16Something I've not been
18:19Completely
18:20Opened about
18:21And it's time I shared my secret
18:25With the world
18:26I can think of
18:28No better place to do it
18:30Than my commentary
18:30So, tomorrow night
18:32On FYI
18:33You will all hear the
18:35Uncensored
18:37Unvarnished truth
18:38About the secret life
18:41Of Jim Don
18:41My money's on
18:50Naked badminton
18:51Thank you, Corky
19:00For those helpful tips
19:01On holiday food preparation
19:02Who knew yams could kill
19:05I'll be back
19:07After this message
19:08With my commentary
19:09And we're clear
19:12You know, Jim
19:15You don't have to do this
19:15It's not too late to reconsider
19:17Murphy's right
19:17There's no need
19:18To subject yourself to this
19:19Or the show
19:20Or my spastic hold
19:21You're wasting your breath
19:22My mind's made up
19:23I'm ready to tell the truth
19:25There's no need, Jim
19:26You people
19:27Get away from him
19:29Mr. Lansing
19:30Thank God you're here
19:31I have been pleading with him
19:32Not to do this
19:33Good, Silverberg
19:34Good
19:34Because otherwise
19:35We might actually get
19:37That 42 share
19:38That I'm so frightened of
19:40Get out of here
19:42Okay, sir
19:43I'll just be
19:43Get out
19:44All right
19:4530 seconds to air, people
19:46Jim, let's talk
19:48When I first heard you
19:50Throwing out the low-profile strategy
19:53In order to go public like this
19:56I was very disappointed
19:58But then I got your new angle
20:00You're a master manipulator
20:02You're like Madonna that way
20:04Did you hear she wants to meet you?
20:07All right, take your places, everybody
20:09Now remember, no matter what happens
20:13We're behind you 100%
20:15Thank you, Stan
20:15That means a lot
20:16Unless a revolted American public
20:19Turns against you
20:20In that case
20:21I'm gonna have to dump you
20:22Like a load of hot bricks
20:24I need my neck pillow
20:27Silverberg, where are you hiding?
20:28In 5, 4, 3, 2
20:34Good evening and welcome back to FYI
20:39Recent events have convinced me
20:42Of the need to address
20:43My much-publicized wild night
20:46It is time, as they say
20:48For the moment of truth
20:49Let me first say
20:52That I'm from the old school
20:53Someone who still remembers
20:55When silence was golden
20:57Mum, mum was the word
20:58And those with skeletons
21:00Kept them in the closet
21:01Where they belonged
21:02But those days are wrong
21:04Thus, I present you the truth
21:08About my twisted, abnormal life
21:11Though I'd hoped to avoid this
21:14I must confess
21:16I have nothing to confess
21:19I am as normal as one can possibly be
21:23Now, judging by today's tell-all books
21:26That makes me our nation's
21:27Number one pervert
21:28In a world without stability
21:31I remain the same solid citizen
21:33I always was
21:34And, since no one else will say it
21:36Good for me
21:38I come from a functional family
21:42I had a perfectly delightful childhood
21:44I loved my mother
21:46Adored my father
21:47And good for me
21:48You're fucking freakish
21:50I've been married to the same woman
21:52For 34 years
21:54You know how many women
21:55I've made love to in my life?
21:57One
21:57And good for me
21:59The strongest drug I take is aspirin
22:03My weight has never fluctuated
22:05More than three pounds
22:06Since I started this job
22:07Nineteen years ago
22:09Occasionally, I have a dry martini cocktail
22:12But I always stop at one
22:14One martini
22:15One job
22:16One wife
22:18All right, fine
22:18You can call me stiff and boring
22:20I once considered it an insult
22:23But I'll wear that starched mantle proudly
22:26And good for me
22:27This has been another edition of FYI
22:34Thank you and good night
22:35And we're clear
22:38After a wrap
22:39What the hell was that?
22:44One, one, one
22:45Wait, don't talk
22:47I can't hear you
22:48I'm being deafened
22:50By the sound of television sets
22:52All over America
22:53Switching to another network
22:55Click, click
22:57We're gonna be four
22:58Silverberg
22:59I want you in my office
23:01Tomorrow morning
23:02At 7 a.m. sharp
23:03I'll be there around 10
23:05Wait, Mr. Lindsay
23:08We've got all the scandals
23:09Frights lactose intolerant
23:12Maybe we can do something with that
23:13Boy, do I feel silly
23:17Get out
23:19Well, I'll never assume your life is exciting again
23:22It's really good, isn't it?
23:24You sure did
23:25I'd like to see them make a movie of the week out of that confession
23:28I think I knew who could play the title role
23:30Block of wood
23:31Hey, Jim
23:33It's your wife
23:34Oh, my
23:35I hope I'm not in trouble
23:36Hello, Doris
23:39Now, please
23:39Don't be too angry about my discussing our marital relations on national television
23:43I felt I had no choice
23:45Oh, really?
23:51Well, of course
23:53Yes
23:54Goodbye
23:56Apparently
24:00Doris has never seen my eyes so ablaze with defiance
24:03She's catching a late plane back from Florida
24:06So, if you'll excuse me
24:07I walk for a rendezvous with a sultry redhead who happens to be my wife
24:12And good for me
24:14Have a good weekend
24:19Are you tired of doing stuff?
24:29Yes
24:30Then watch Easy TV Summer
24:32It's four effortless hours of your favorite show
24:34Followed by four equally effortless hours of your other favorite show
24:37Don't you make it sound easy?
24:39Easy TV Summer starts tomorrow at 10 only on Nick at Night